Noble Lessons – When Someone Breaks Your Heart
Channel: Sarah Sultan
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When we go through a situation where somebody has hurt us, or has betrayed our trust, or has disappointed us really intensely, the emotions that we feel can be so powerful that we can almost feel them physically. A lot of times people describe being betrayed by somebody else feeling like you've been punched in the stomach. That's how intense the emotions are, when we feel like we've been betrayed by someone. And what's really unique about a situation where we've been betrayed, right at the top of the trauma of betrayal is that it's twofold. That first we experienced the situation where we suddenly realize that somebody that we have been vulnerable with somebody that
we've tenderly placed our trust with has lied to us and broken that trust. And then the second part is that we suddenly realize that we have been duped, right, that we've been fooled into being able to trust this person for such a long time. And then we suddenly realize that we've been lied to. So we start to doubt that person, but we also start to doubt ourselves and wonder how did I not pick up on the signs for so long? What sometimes happened with the experience of betrayal is that it extends to a lot of different parts of our lives, including our relationship with Allah subhanaw taala, where if somebody that you've trusted so deeply, could betray you, you wonder, can I ever trust
again? Should I risk trusting again? And we can even start to doubt? Can I even trust Allah subhanaw taala. And that can be a very scary thought for a lot of us. So why do these thoughts develop the struggle that we can sometimes have in even trusting others pantalla is something called falls under the umbrella of something called overgeneralization. And this is a cognitive distortion. overgeneralization basically means basing our complete view of the world and people on one single event, or one single bad occurrence, that that happens in our lives. So basically, it's the idea of carrying an umbrella with you, because you've experienced one rainy day, and you have this umbrella
over your head constantly, right. And so we're always expecting that because one person hurt us that every single person will hurt us. And we try to protect ourselves from feeling hurt, and from feeling disappointed by never allowing ourselves to trust a person in order to prevent ourselves from getting hurt. So one thing that is important for us to be aware of when we're thinking about this thought is how it develops, right, in order to be aware of the way our thought process develops. One thing that I think is a really powerful reminder for all of us, is that a lot of times our relationship with everybody that we that we encounter, but even our relationship with Allah's
past data can emulate our previous relationships. So our relationship with Allah can often be like our relationships with people that we've experienced. So if people have heard us, then we assume that LS patata will hurt us, even though rationally we know that this is not true. So one tip that I want to leave you with to consider in order to try and overcome these over generalizations of the thoughts that we might experience is to ask ourselves, what first of all, are some of the thoughts that we experienced that are overarching themes that we imagine our entire life is going to fall into? Right? And then ask ourselves? Is there any evidence that you could have? What would you need?
What evidence would you need in order to see that this overgeneralization is not true? And once you can determine, Okay, what evidence do I need in order to feel like I can actually trust someone? For example, then for ask yourself, Does this evidence exist? Does it already exist? Because it might be there, but we just don't see it. And so with regards our relationship with Allah subhanaw taala, for example, that evidence is already there. If we just look at it, every breath that we take is interesting, Allah's pantalla that our lungs will expand to accept it. Every time we take a bite of food, it's trusting all those parts out of that that bite of food is going to provide nourishment.
So the evidence that we can trust is there if we just look for it, so try and explore that inshallah.