Sarah Sultan – Noble Lessons – Does Marriage Make You Happier

If I get married, I will be happy. Right? If I get married, I will be happy. And I tell you, anybody who's married can tell you that that's not the way it works, right? And everybody's shaking their heads.

But the point of marriage is not happiness. But one of the points of marriage is number one, closest to all this past data. And number two is through that growth. The point of marriage is growth, right? And happiness has very little to do with your life circumstances. And it has much more to do with the way you think about your life circumstances. And that's why I said the social media thing, right? Where are you complaining that you're, you know, that your spouse didn't make you breakfast in bed? Or that your wife doesn't, doesn't have a gourmet meal waiting for you, when you come home from work? Were you thinking about that complaint? Before you saw it on somebody's social media

account? No, you weren't. Right. And so our circumstances have very little to do with our happiness, and much more to do with our mindset. Right. So marriage is a test just like any other test.

And so for some of us, there's going to be ease, for some of us, there's going to be hardship, but for pretty much everybody, it's a mix of both, right? And, you know, it's that combination in being able to be grateful to Allah subhana data for the good, and being able to work toward change for the things that are not so good. Right. And so, you know, we we placed this emphasis on finding the right spouse who's going to make me half happy, who is going to be my second half. Number one, you have to be hold before you get married, like, there's nobody who's gonna fill fulfill that, that second half thing, and so your your happiness, your responsibility, right. But our overall goal as

Muslims in marriage, and I think this is so important, and so healthy, is that we should be striving for a life of having closeness to Allah subhana data, and pleasing Him through our choices in our marriage, and through every other relationship in our lives, right. And so in preparation for marriage, this is a goal you can have in every relationship in your life, to do it for the sake of Allah, to think what would Allah want me to do in the way that I deal with this person? What would Allah want me to do in the way I respond to them in the way that I deal with them, right? And so when we make our intention for the sake of Allah subhana, Allah, it helps him every step of the way.

And actually, it's one of the things that I advise my clients in marriage counseling, because a lot of times

when people do things for the sake of one another, when that person makes you mad, you stopped doing it, right. But if you do it for the sake of Allah, then no matter what the other person's reaction is, you know, you're getting rewarded by Allah subhanaw taala. So that goal is being met. Right? It becomes an achievable goal. When you do things for the sake of Allah, it becomes an achievable goal. You want to do things that will make your your spouse feel happy, you're gonna want to do things that make your parents happy, your friends happy, and things like that, but realize that their happiness is not your responsibility, right? So when you do it for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala.

Then even if they're still not happy, even if they're still struggling, even if they're, they have their own stuff that they're dealing with that prevents them from responding in a good way to you. It's all for the sake of Allah, and it's all taken into account.