Season 1 Ep 03

You're listening to the productive Muslim podcast, season one, Episode Three Assalamualaikum. And welcome to the productive Muslim podcast, the weekly podcast where we help you live a productive lifestyle so that you can be successful in this life.

Assalamu alaikum productive Muslims. Welcome to the show. I'm your host, Marie from Arif, and in today's episode I have for you something different. So if you've been tuning into this podcast, you would have noticed that we have been taking on interviews with individuals and asking them about what makes them productive. However, this week is going to be slightly different, in which we're going to be bringing on an expert to give us insight on a topic that will help you live better and be able to be more productive. Now the topic that we chosen today is the topic of pornography addiction. Now, the reason that we chose this topic in particular is because unfortunately, it's a

very common problem that is not spoken about as often. And as a result, those who have found themselves trapped in this can't find help. And the second reason is also that addictions in general, are those that prevent us from being more productive. I'll give you an example. Right? A person has these amazing goals they have in their life. They have commitments, they have contributions they want to make, they want to excel at work, they want to get topping their classes, but then when they are trapped in an addiction that consumes all of their time. And so they are unable to progress and keep moving forward in their life. And so that's why we felt it's really

important to be able to speak about these addictions and to be able to help you if you have unfortunately fell into this addiction and help you overcome it. So joining me on the show to cover this topic of pornography addiction is none other than brother while Ibrahima he is an individual who's Mashallah has done a lot of work in this area of pornography addiction has helped many individuals, many young men and women, and when men and women of all different ages really and yes women as well, to help them overcome this. And he is an author of the book titled change, which is about breaking free from undesirable habits, especially pornography. So this episode is going to be

the first part of a two part series, which has been released previously, however, we have decided to rerelease it on the podcast due to its popularity. And so in these two episodes, we'll be covering the danger of this, how to protect ourselves and the cure as well. So I hope you enjoyed this episode. Stay tuned for part two, which is coming out next week. And without further ado, let's get started.

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salaam aleikum wale, welcome. Thanks for taking the time to join us today. While they come Salama.

Sister, thank you for having me. It was like a long time ago. So the first thing I was asked was, you do a lot of work in the area of pornography addiction and help people who suffer from this. So my question to you is what motivated you to get into all this?

Well, Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim, Bismillah Alhamdulillah salatu salam, ala rasulillah salam wa sallam, there are a couple of things that really motivated me to start researching the topic and reaching out those people who may have been, you know, jailed, or, as I say,

prison within the cells of pornography. But the the one story that even mentioned in the blog on productive Muslim before that got me started was this young boy who came to my center. And he was bluntly telling me that he wanted to commit suicide because of his addiction to porn. And it was because he was 18 years old at the time. And I got to ask him, like, what is happening? Tell me more. And he started talking like he was introduced to pornography when he was like 1010 years old. And he started visiting porn once every week and then once every three days and then he came to a point of visiting these websites daily for hours. And of course, those people who normally visit

these websites they end up masturbating and so on, so forth. So he's heard from erectile dysfunction. He couldn't, you know, function sexually anymore, even though he's watching

Nice to enjoy Scala and the people don't realize that

porn promises nothing but pain, nothing but depression, nothing but sexual problems after problems.

So this boy, I took an old from him that he will never harm himself until I work hard and offer him some solutions. And this is what happened from the lab. We work together for a year and a half, in which I started studying and asking coaches and mentors on this subject. And I offered him a lot of solutions and until handler he was free totally from porn until today. We are still in touch and he is free from porn. Totally Alhamdulillah but still being medically treated from erectile dysfunction. May Allah save us also, this is what got me started really seriously to study the topic and help others Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's really shocking to hear that he was suffering with a

medical condition like age of 18. Yeah, and

until today is still suffering from that problem and

any because of excessive masturbation excessive what you know, watching and accessing these elements. He's now he's now suffering from this problem. And this could happen to so many people around the world millions of them. Yeah.

I mean, to just clarify to everyone listening like what exactly is porn and like what medium says existing today? Right? The if we get into like, technical definition or linguistic definition, pornography comes from that Greek word or nay which means actually female, captive or prostitute, or Monet, which means fornication, sexual immorality, that's that's the actual meaning of the word. So we as Muslims, if we talk now islamically How could Muslims have anything to do with prostitution, with fornication with adultery with sexual immorality? All these things were clearly prohibited by Muslims. And on could exist in so many forms. And people think that porn exists only on websites,

nudity, sexual, you know, images, movies, and so on. But actually, there are many people who, whose pornography is something different, like I got a case also, I mentioned this on the blog, an old man who was a photographer, and actually he used to take pictures of well as a blonde naked people from, you know, from different buildings through that zoom lenses. And, and that was useful.

Fantasy, because when he asked when I asked him how long you've been addicted to porn, is it 43 years ago, I said, use me 40 years ago, pornography was not doesn't exist, the production of films and even VHS and all that were not yet

you know, accessible. You say, No, I started with this photography thing, you know, taking pictures of naked people, and I had a big laugh from buildings to buildings and so on. And with the rise of internet, he became heavily addicted. And by the way, the, the consequence of this particular, you know, behavior with that particular man was divorce is he divorced his wife, his wife found out was called by his daughter, and the entire family was

destroyed because of pornography later. So pornography could exist in the mind of anyone through any means through maybe magazines of you know, photos of girls who are waiting inappropriately or something like that. But of course, the most common form of pornography that exists today is on the internet, billions of websites are being launched day and night DNA. If I show you some statistics, actually, I could go through some of the statistics. If we have time. You'd be scared to hear the number of websites that produce porn on Alibaba and the industry that

it's something like

the numbers are like on.

Yeah. You know, on the blog that you wrote up, and you actually explained about what different types of mediums were with regard to Poland? Well, one thing that I found interesting was how you mentioned, it can also be in text and novels as well in which people can be addicted to that. Right. And I am I've been actually coaching a couple of sisters, unfortunately, you are addicted,

who are addicted to these sexual novels. And they don't watch pornography on the internet. They don't have images or anything like that only the texts only a story that would be you are the director now. The reader of any book is the director you will start forming the images in your mind of one jury. That's why they say you are what you eat, but you are what you read as well. The more you read, the more you use.

thought, you know, imagining things. So it's, what type of things you read can affect heavily on your behavior. And those sisters any, all the cases that I received regarding novels are from sisters, many, many people think that we're addicted but actually sisters too are infected with this. May Allah save us all. So yeah, no. And I don't want to mention

recently there was a very popular movie and that was I think we all know what it is. Yeah, and this was like available in every bookstore heavily. Yeah. Well, I had to rely on when you read a review only the review about that. Normal is sexual by nature even the review you can actually Oh, yeah, that's what I'm that's what concerns me as well. They need that like,

say like the website pornography is one thing people looking at they kind of they know it's wrong. But like with regards to like the ones in novels, it's like, it's become so widespread. Someone could just casually say in a conversation. Yeah, I read that novel, this novel. It's like, it's like equivalent to saying I went to this website and did this is pretty much the same thing. Yeah, melas fatale, and he protects us and save us from bluntly just saying, or broadcasting our sin, Allah, Allah, Allah, Ne, I have my one of my chefs was saying like, be careful of L L maaseiah. Be careful of getting used to sin, not by sinning, but by accepting even the sin to be part of the norm of the

society. So when you see everybody is doing these things, it becomes norm. Today, I was actually talking about pornography addiction in one of the schools here in Australia, and lost to two students came to me, very frankly, and jokingly saying that, yeah, we we've been watching a lot. So what's the big deal? The gods used to just broadcast about their sins openly, even though there is no shame nowadays from these things. So May Allah protect our youth? I mean,

so I mean, how big of a problem is, especially in the Muslim community,

particularly the Muslim community, or in general, because it's generally Okay, you can say generally, but how? Because I, in the beginning, I never thought that it's a big problem amongst the Muslim community. In the beginning, I was tired. But in certain Muslim country, I was begging the organizers to announce about a workshop called what I have handled, I developed five workshops titled I protect, and it tackles pornography addictions from different different angles. So one workshop for boys only one workshop for girls, only one workshop for parents and educators, Imams, and so on. So I was trying to tell the organizers to,

you know, promote these workshops in a Muslim country, 100% Muslim community, nearly 100% Muslim country. And the worship was on a weekday, and out of 2000 people 400 have shown up and out of the 2000, I've received over 200 plus emails on that very day, when the people know that I am tackling this subject from that particular country. So yeah, it is it is a big problem among the Muslims, and we have to face it. Today, I have a workshop in a Muslim school. And most of the students have confessed that they have problems in with pornography. Many of them said that this is the only one thing that distract us from studying. It's a major problem that we should face. And we should be

frank about it, and we should talk about it. Because I believe that if we don't talk about our problems, how in the world are we going to solve them?

In one in that particular country, also the word against it many, many scholars, many missionaries, may Allah bless them and reward them for the efforts and for teaching us our Deen. But they were telling me not to speak about the subject because you may open the eyes of the people who doesn't know about pornography. I say excuse me, we're in a time that

I don't believe that kids doesn't know about pornography. I was in the Philippines. Just a couple of months ago, I was in the Philippines and I entered a cyber cafe. And I saw kids as 910 and 12. Were browsing pornography in the public in a in a public cyber cafe in an internet cafe. Yeah, it is. It is. So yeah. I but we wanted to tell the people also that not only Muslims are addicted to this, churches have declared that many Christian, you know ministers. pastors have been caught in the act of this thing. Many people have confessed their addiction to porn in churches. I was talking to a friend of mine from

a Christian background who himself was addicted for

And he said that he's now been free for over three years from porn and he established in a church, like a discussion group and support group for those who are addicted to porn. So it's a wide, wide problems not only amongst the Muslims, many people are suffering. So it's a general problem regardless of religion. Like many people all over the world are suffering. Yes, since the, you know, the, those sex therapists in the past, they used to actually advise couples to watch pornography so that they can enhance the sexual activities and so on. And those same people who were advised the run back to the ram back to the sale to the sex therapist telling them that we have a problem

regarding porn. So the sex therapist Now that is a specialist and neuroscientists have realized that this is a major problem. It's not a simple problem, it's addictive thing. And anything addictive is dangerous, because it control your brain, it makes you you know, act out of control. So, yeah, so it's, it's a major problem, the male loss of panatela assist me and other people who are working this area to help others in trouble. So with regards to like, like you mentioned earlier about how kids who were really addicted to pornography, they had trouble studying. So how else does it affect a person and their productivity and the ability to leave a like, lead a good life? How does one

sector, okay, you know, pornography in the modern form now is very aggressive in nature. It is very well scripted, and plan and so on and so forth. Why so that they are the make you come back, you know, that's the trick. And these images would last for years, you know, Allah Subhana, Allah created for us, our human cameras, the eyes, which can store the images instantly in our brain. That's why we could still remember images from 20 years back 30 years back, we can still see them as if they happen yesterday. So when you see these bad images, what I added below, it lasts for so long, and I have been

talking to so many people who are addicted to porn, and some of them would say that when we say Allahu Akbar, in prayer, we see porn when when we say a lot, but all these images will come forward. Yeah, and they will be just saying a Fatiha while they're seeing these images. That's why many of the Muslims unfortunately and many of the religious people have turned into robots, human beings, you know, the they can they can recite Al Fatiha, they can recite a poem, but their hearts are dead. And one of the reasons why the hearts are dead is because of this sexual images that are always all the time in their, in their mind, it's viewed in the minds when we learn so this could affect of

course on our productivity.

I was also a student told me that every time I intend to study and make my assignment on the internet, I will end up watching porn. So if you're not addicted, you wouldn't end up watching porn, you would be focused all the time on your task at hand and so on. So yeah, it can badly affect on person's productivity, it can cause you, you know, to lose your job to lose your wife, as we explained in the example earlier of that man who divorces his wife divorced him, actually, because she found out that he's addicted to porn. Yeah, yeah, you can, you can easily, you know, your wife can easily leave you because wives normally who will catch their husband or know about the activity,

they would feel that they were betrayed by this behavior, or that there's something wrong with them, you know, it can destroy the entire family. So yeah.

So it just pretty pretty much has this like, especially on a productivity level, it has this pool that it like, every time you try to do something, you just get back to going back to

your mind is occupied with these images. And that's the danger of anything related to dopamine addiction, you know, there is

Yeah, the last pass Allah created, created this dopamine hormone in our brain for a purpose, for our excitement, for our happiness for our, for the things that we we perform and actually like them. So if I like sugar, for example, or sweet there is a pathways created in my brain, reminding me from time to time to eat sweet and, and enjoy dessert and so on, so forth. And every time I wanted to, to do these things that I like that I love that I enjoy doing, it allows a panel to Island naturally, will produce this dopamine so that I can feel that enjoyment. But when you do it the wrong way, you know, even even during sexual intimacy between husbands and wife, Allah subhanaw taala would also

produce that dopamine in our brain so that we can enjoy this relationship. But when we do it through

screens on online, what happens is that the brain gets disturbed or disrupted, and then the dopamine will be fired in large quantity that will not make us satisfied. And that's why many addicts will say that they will spend the night the whole night many hours just searching for the right clip or the right image so that they reach to that level of satisfaction. Why because the level of dopamine in the brain has reached to a very big level or below that they are not satisfied anymore. And so panelo in that dopamine drops in quantity. What happens at the end is depression and anxiety. And some people will go on cutting their their hands and harm themselves because they're depressed.

They're not feeling well. Yeah, so anything of that sort is very harmful. May Allah, Allah save us. So what the theme which some people would say, Okay, I'm actually like, they actually blamed their pornography addiction, because they're not married or BSA saying, Okay, look, we don't have a place to fulfill our desires in a halal way. So they're like, I'm gonna watch pornography. I mean, what are your thoughts on that? Okay, so, the justification happens, because,

you know, I, we know that the actual generalizable is something very hateful. So the people say, okay, watching porn and masturbation is a lesser sin. Even some scholars of the past, they used to actually say that masturbation is okay, so long as it prevents you from falling into the actual act of Zen are liable. And they were absolutely right. But now we know that actually, pornography would lead to addiction of pornography. And pornography is something that will always escalate, you will never be satisfied with one type of porn, you will always escalate. So those who are watching the normal will enable other normal movies and sexual images and all that they will not be satisfied

anymore. So we will escalate, they will go to something different, to satisfy their needs. And at the end, they will go for Xena, that's the problem. It is always escalating, escalating until to a certain point that you will decide to go out and search for a prostitution house or dirty massage houses or whatever, so that you can satisfy your desire in reality, now, you don't want the screen anymore. You want that. So if that's the case, then it's haram now's avoided once and for all, don't say don't don't go for that justification. The second point is manage does not solve the problem of addiction. Many people, one of the misconceptions is that insha Allah knew so long as I'm single, I

will go for pornography and masturbation. And when I get married, I would be okay, that's absolutely, you'd be okay, maybe for a couple of months, because you will experience something new. But after that, immediately, the brain will remind you off pornography and the time were used to spend hours on your computer. So that's the danger manage does not solve the problem of addiction measures. So part of it. issues. Right? Right. So we have to find a solution right now, without further delay, the more you indulge into this, it will cause many sexual problems even because you're watching also, one of the things that people must know is that they always watch type certain

type of people certain, you know, with certain bodies with certain look, and so on. Because they were, they're carefully selected by the, you know, this and directors and producers of these dirty movies, they select different types of people, special people with different buddies, and so on and so forth. Yeah, but when we get married, we look at our wives do not as you know, any, I don't want to

look exactly as, as those actresses and those actors. And then, to implement what we have seen, we want to practice the same thing that we've been watching for years. We cannot because it required different types of bodies, then we lose interest in the halaal intimacy. And that's the most dangerous thing of all. Yeah, and you've been doing heroin. And at the end, when you when you when you got married in a way now you don't want even to do the halaal intimacy. So it's something really we have to stop and and find a solution. And I always say that the only solution is to tell someone you know, one of the most important things you have to tell someone no one is getting cured on his

own when it comes to addiction. That's true. That's true. Now we're getting close to the end of the interview and to our audience who are listening again, this is the first part of a three part series. So please stay tuned for the next months in which we'll be covering more

protection and cure. However, just to end of this episode on a positive note, I want to put forward the question why about qR like, is cure possible as it can as someone who's drowned in addiction recover and get back into a normal life? Absolutely, yes, yes a million Yes, but it requires sacrifice. It requires some some sacrifices it requires

willpower, it requires reaching the right people who will guide you through you know your recovery. And when I mentioned sacrifice I mean your internet at home, your mobile phone your smartphones these are the means by which you're using to pleasure yourself Allah Allah Allah so get rid of them for a while put them you know away from your bedroom, don't ever take devices

in your bedroom sacrifice that if you cannot sacrifice any of these things that you know that makes you go into

you know, the sites or lay of the land then there will be no way for you to get

a recovery but recovery is possible handle I've been treating many people over 70 cases I can guarantee that their handler free totally from porn and they are living a very healthy life now handler. Many of them are now even more productive. One of them is the brother that I mentioned earlier, who was 18 years old couple of years back. And he discovered his talent of being you know, doing these handcrafts and handiwork. Now he's busy doing that. And he's not using smartphones at all because that was his

problem. That was the tool he used for for for porn, Allah He gave it up. Actually, it's with me now. That phone it's with me Give it to me. Yeah. But what I mean is sacrifice something that he used to be very attached to

iPhones. And now he got just a normal phone for calls and texts and so on. And he stayed away from Facebook and internet and YouTube videos, useless. YouTube videos and so on. And he's Mashallah very healthy now. So cute is possible. But he has to be a man. And when I'm saying, Man, he doesn't mean that. It's not applicable for a woman because when we say Be a man, it means

Yeah, be it be tough. man doesn't get any the word module in Arabic doesn't mean just man. It means also sometimes it refers to a woman. Yeah, so manhood is different than male hood. Okay, so yeah, so yeah, you be tough. You tell someone who you trust. And, and, and find a way to get out of this, you know, problem because the problem with pornography addicts is that they're not happy anymore. They don't like to watch, you don't want to watch. Yet they keep coming back again and again, because they are out of control. So the cure is possible. But you need to sacrifice certain things. And I think in the next episodes, we will talk in detail

about our online channel. Well, hamdulillah that's a big relief to hear and hopefully give hope to a lot of people who are listening to this, especially those who are struggling with addiction. And so pretty much that wraps up today's interview Jazakallah high for coming on and sharing your insights on this topic. And we look forward to having you back on again. Shall I just want to end up by saying a word for those people who are addicts that your addiction is not you Jani you are not your addiction, you are a person who was trapped somehow within the cycle of this problem and you can't find a way out. So inshallah we are telling you from this position that there is a way out there are

many people who are handler who won the battle against pornography and you can do it to me, I lost planet Allah make the month of Ramadan. The month for you the starting point for the recovery in sha Allah. I mean, I mean, I mean, yeah, that's a really good opportunity to use Ramadan for this. Yeah, absolutely. An absolute Fantastic. Thank you so much. So inshallah, we'll have you back on again for our next part of these these interviews. So till then, Salaam Alaikum. Wa Alaikum, Salaam Alaikum. cattle. Thank you. So everyone, I hope you've enjoyed this episode and taken away many insights. Remember, there are shownotes available with each of these episodes. So what I mean by show notes is

that anything that we've mentioned, like say if one of my guests mentioned a book that they like, or even how to contact a guest and get in touch with them, you can be able to find this out on our show notes. So the shownotes are accessible over at productive Muslim podcast.com. You can also find this arrow now you can also find this on our blog as well. So that's our main blog. productive

Muslim podcast. And on a side note, though, just with regards to this particular topic, there's actually a course that has been released on pornography addiction on the productive Muslim Academy. So, if you really want to learn more about this, you are struggling with this or you know someone who is struggling with this, then please do check out this course at productive Muslim academy.com. So apart from that, we will be releasing part two of this episode next week in sha Allah. So I hope to see you there. And that's all from me. So please have a great weekend. And remember everyone, be sincere work hard.