Nadim Bashir – 3 Things That Destroys Relationships In A Family!

Nadim Bashir
AI: Summary © The speakers discuss the importance of disrespect, respect, and abuse in relationships, emphasizing the need to educate children and parents about disrespect and bring their own children into their families. They stress the importance of trust in relationships, trusting women, and controlling personality. The speakers also emphasize the need for women to trust women and avoid disrespect, and emphasize the importance of avoiding disrespect and maintaining trust in relationships.
AI: Transcript ©
00:00:00 --> 00:00:41

Today Inshallah, I want to share with you that in all the things that we journey cover when it comes to family, what are the three things I will say, the three most important things that we have to pay very close attention to. And I will say that for the majority of the times, when there are relationship issues, the majority of times when it comes to relationship issues, it comes down to three major areas of concern. So, meaning that there are three things that are happening a lot within our families, that is a cause of destroying our relationships. And by the way, these are three things that are key to every single relationship. It doesn't matter whether it's a

00:00:41 --> 00:01:28

relationship between a husband or wife, or parents and children, or even between even friends, even between relatives of the family. So the very first thing that's happening a lot within our families, which is destroying money or families is disrespect. Is disrespect. This is considered as a toxic character characteristic. Anyone who is disrespectful towards each other, it will cause a dissent within the family, it will cause a dissent within any kind of relationship. Now Subhanallah when we talk about families in particular, we're talking about disrespect amongst the family. Often what we see in families is that the majority of times a disrespect is happening between inlaws is happening

00:01:28 --> 00:02:04

between either husband and wife always happening between, for example, the wife and her mother in law, or is happening between the father or the husband and his mother in law or his father in law. First of all, is that when we talk about respect in general Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would never ever disrespect anyone. And I've said this before, and I'll remind everyone again, that Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was a son in law. And he was also a father in law in the same capacity. He was a father in law, too. He was a father to who

00:02:08 --> 00:02:09

li N.

00:02:10 --> 00:02:13

It was fun. And he was a son in law to who?

00:02:14 --> 00:02:57

To overcome Amara, the Allah to dawn on Houma. So never did he ever crossed the line who crossed the boundary of respect. He never ever said that I am Rasul Allah, I am the son in law, I can say whatever I want to say no, this is something that happens Allah within our families, by the way, that there's a lot of disrespect amongst inlaws how many times I've seen and unfortunately, this is the case. But I've seen majority of the times the men disrespecting their in laws, your daughter is my wife is an as if they say will lie, when I hear them talk is almost as if they your daughter is my property, I can do whatever I want. I can talk to you, however I want. I don't have to listen to

00:02:57 --> 00:03:40

you. When we cross the boundaries of respect brothers and sisters, this is where we're going to have relationship issues. When we talk about a wife, she has to also respect her in laws. Yes, I understand there might be differences. i Yes, I understand that there might be have been some cases in the past that has caused a dissent. But that does not mean that we disrespect each other. I have been so many cases where people have come to me where women have come to me and they have told me that our mother in laws are coming to our home, and my sister in laws are coming to my home, they're openly disrespecting me in front of my husband. But my husband does not say a single thing. And I

00:03:40 --> 00:04:27

had to remind that husband, that if you are truly a man, that you will not let anyone disrespect anyone in your family. And that also means that truly a man should not even allow I'm going to say this very bluntly. But if your mother or your sister or your brother, and this is from the perspective of a husband or wife, they are coming into your house and they're disrespecting someone else in your house, then you should not even allow them to come to your home. Simple as that. Why? Because if you truly want to establish a concept of respect within your own kids, you have to teach your kids and you have to teach everyone in your family that disrespect is off the table. It does

00:04:27 --> 00:04:59

not matter who it is for. So and so a lot of times our families we cut slack that if these people come into my home, they can show disrespect is fine. But these people cannot show disrespect no brothers and sisters. Disrespect is considered as unacceptable across the board, and that is what we need to stand up for Rasulullah sallallahu some never disrespected his son in law's Rasulullah saw never disrespected his father in law's russula sub never disrespected his own. I mean he will never disrespect the slaves of his house as well. Some will never district

00:05:00 --> 00:05:39

Like his own wives Rasulullah sallallahu. Some will never disrespect anyone who was related to his spouse's Rasulullah sallallahu, while he was sitting will always show respect even to his own stepchildren. Today in America, in many families, Muslim and non Muslim families, we see that when stepfathers come into the picture, a lot of times there's abuse, a lot of times there's mistreatment, and SubhanAllah. We learn from us allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that when it came to the children, for example, in the case of OMA selama, or the Allah Tala Anna, she had a child from Abu selama. But when the child came, and when almost Selma is, has married Rasulullah Salallahu

00:05:39 --> 00:06:22

Salam, and she's bringing a child into that marriage. What did the Hadith say? The Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam was eating in the same place. Can you imagine how much love Roswaal some is showing to his own step son, not even his own biological son, his own stepson eating in the same plates of Heinola, how much love Roswaal some is showing. And not only that, but the Hadith says that when the child's hands was moving around the plate, then the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam He's telling him does that take the name of Allah Subhana. With the Isla well could be a meaning eat from your site, make sure your hand is not going around. It's not only this love, but it's also providing

00:06:22 --> 00:07:08

third BS SubhanAllah. So this is why brothers and sisters, I say this within a very strong sense here, that if there's anyone who's coming into your family into your home, and they are disrespecting anyone, then they should not be even allowed in your house, you need to set a precedent, we need to set a precedent in our house, that disrespect is considered as unacceptable in all circumstances. So this is the very first thing that is destroying majority of our relationships. The second thing that is that is destroying our relationships is dishonesty. Now, it could be dishonesty where a person is truly dishonest. Because in reality, if trust is lost in any

00:07:08 --> 00:07:50

relationship, that relationship will collapse, there's no there's no question about it. When it comes to a husband and wife. If there is trust issues, then it does not matter. Whatever it is, there's always going to be trust issues. And that means that anything that the husband does, is going to be always there's going to be doubt involved. Anything that the wife does, there's going to be doubt involved. And that happens all the time, even between between friends, if there is trust as loss, eventually that relationship will also collapse. Now, it's very important to also understand that when it comes to our relationships, we have to make sure that we have trust within our husband

00:07:50 --> 00:08:36

and wife, if they have shown a tendency, or they have done something in the past that says that yes, trust can no longer be there, then yes, I will say that, okay, you can be you can have a certain level, or a certain amount of doubt in them. But the very first thing that has to be built within a relationship is trust. And we have to make sure that we don't do anything to violate that trust. So let me give you an example. There are times where, you know, this is why you say that, before we get married, we always have to talk to our our potential spouse. And we have to also let them know exactly what we do as as as you know, for business purposes or job purposes. The reason I say this

00:08:36 --> 00:09:16

is because every single woman is different, every single man is different. There are some men and women, for them, it is completely unacceptable for their potential spouse to be conversing with anyone of the opposite gender, they're just very, I will say sometimes they could be insecure about it. Or sometimes they're just very strict about it that whoever I marry, I don't want them to be conversing with anyone of the opposite gender. That is why a lot of times when they fight, you know, after they get married, and they see that their husband, or because they have jobs, and they're conversing with people of the opposite gender, it turns into a big issue. I've talked about this

00:09:16 --> 00:09:50

before that one time there was a doctor who got married. And when his wife I mean, later on wife said we're fine. Because usually, it's like, okay, what do you do for our profession? How much money do you make and so forth. And for them, it was like, Okay, how many like he makes enough money that he can support my daughter and so forth. They got married, but then realizing that a doctor has to converse with nurses, he has to talk to so many different people of the opposite gender. So this is his profession. This is what he has to do on a day to day basis. If you want food to be put on the table, and you want a roof over your head, this is how your husband's gonna work. And she made a

00:09:50 --> 00:09:59

very big issue about this, that why do you keep on talking to other girls, and why do you talk to other women and so forth? Well, that's part of his job. He's not

00:10:00 --> 00:10:37

being unfaithful, he's not crossing the bounds of a being untrue, or being untrustworthy. By simply he's just doing his job. But this becomes an issue. And then what happens is, there's always a trust issue, she's always she's always has this mindset, that he's doing something that is wrong. And not only that, but putting them, you know, tracking him wherever he's going, tracking, whatever, you know, checking his phone, and so forth. Now, look, there are some husbands who are just clean as a slate, okay? Their slate is absolutely clean, they give their has their give their wives their phones, and they say, you can check your check my phone, and so forth. But there are some husbands

00:10:37 --> 00:11:19

who are very protective of their phone. And they have a right to do that. So they have a right to do that. So yes, it is better if you gave your phone to your wife, and she went through it, just so that you know that she has trusting you and you have trust in her. The point is that trust has to be worked upon. But at the same time, you have to know what you're getting into also, this is something very, very important. And if you feel that trust will not be will not be there in any marriage. Did I even get into that to begin with. This is why even there are cases I've dealt with, where sometimes even the man, the man is so Subhanallah, I will say that such a open book characteristic,

00:11:19 --> 00:12:00

or he has such an open book character, I will say that he is so comfortable around every single person, that then of course, the wife is going to have some kind of doubt yours. And then I mean, because he's just, he's not even an open book. Like it's more than just an open book concept. Yes. And so that is why you have to always make sure that you don't do anything that could violate the trust within any family. The last thing I will say, which is destroying many families, is the concept of controlling. See, I talked about this before that whether you know what is what does a controlling 100 personality mean? It means that I want you to drop whatever you're doing, and be

00:12:00 --> 00:12:40

there for me, this is what it means I want you to job, whatever it is that you're doing, and you come to my aid. And whenever you call out to me, I'm not going to be there for you, you're inside. That's a controlling kind of personality. Another kind of understanding of a controlling personality is that you always try to assert your power over them, you always use try to try to show them that they are going to remain intimidated by you and you have complete complete control over their life. So a lot of times this happens also between a husband and wife. And this also happens between parents and children, even after they get married. So I've talked about this before, where sometimes

00:12:40 --> 00:13:20

parents have such a controlling personality over their children, that though they are controlling their children, they have taught their children that this is not called controlling, this is called obedience, you understand? You are mashallah very obedient daughter, you are very obedient son. But it's not they're not showing obedience, the parents have created such a situation, that they have complete control over their life, like that son, and his wife cannot do anything without the parents being involved. And that's called being controlling, no matter what the situation is. And they play this kind of emotional kind of game with their own children, at times, you and your wife, whatever

00:13:20 --> 00:13:58

you're doing, you drop it and you come to our aid, or you and your husband, drop whatever you're doing come to our aid, and whatever the you need help, we're not going to be there for you. So this is something that is destroying also many families, because it's, you know, there's always in was involved. Now, this also happens between a husband and wife also, that there's a lot of intimidation, if you do this sort of highlight. This is, by the way, a very back home mentality, a very, you know, overseas mentality. And many of us, we come from this kind of culture, unfortunately, if you do this our divorce you if you do this, I will divorce you, this kind of

00:13:58 --> 00:14:35

controlling personality does not exist within our deen you cannot. And this happens once again, you see many times husbands doing this. But husbands will say if you do this, I will divorce you if you do this, just the intimidation of divorce over and over again. And not only that, but on top of that just complete control over them. Husband is saying I want you to drop whatever you're doing and be there for me. But what about when the wife needs your attention? What about when the wife needs the help? And she's never then then you're never there for her? Or it could also happen the other way around. But the point is this controlling there's a lot of families that are being destroyed, and a

00:14:35 --> 00:14:59

lot of families falling apart. Why? Because whether there's controlling issues from parents towards their children, or between the between the husband wife and their in laws, or even between the husband and wife and once again, there was no control when we say the life of the prophet center. There was no concept of control over the wives of the Prophet sallallahu it was never did any wife of the Prophet it is and feel that the Prophet

00:15:00 --> 00:15:36

Are you some is controlling us, intimidating us and so forth? Yes, Allah subhanho wa Taala told the wives of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that if you want to be the wife of the Prophet, Allah Islam, there are certain injunctions that you have to follow that are not required but other Muslim women. Okay, there are some certain rules that you have to follow that are not required for other Muslim women. And not only that, but if you're going to be the wife of the Prophet SAW Salem, you're going to have to sacrifice this dunya the Allah subhanho wa Taala put this up on the wives of the Prophet Allah Islam and they fully accepted with their whole heart and then they were told that

00:15:36 --> 00:16:18

if you go through this, then inshallah in the hereafter there will be an abundance that amount of reward and blessings for you in the hereafter in jannah inshallah Allah but there was no control never did it prophesied some have a controlling personality over his own family, whether his own kids even when it came to Isley and faulty Maradi Allah Tala Anna, even the yes that by the way, there are stories that are mentioned where there were conflicts between Ali and Fatima the Allah I know, but never did Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam ever feel that he has control over Fatima or he has control over Ali despite the fact that he grew up in a house in the province of Salem,

00:16:18 --> 00:16:55

when the province in some became a prophet who was the person who accompanied the province of Salem wherever he went whenever he would go and do a brother in secrecy and so forth. It was either the Allah Tala and when the Prophet SAW Selim became a prophet, I, you know, the Allah Allah was 10 years old. So a little the Allah one was always around us, Allah salAllahu alayhi wa sallam, and usually what happens in many cases, I will say that when someone has always been around you all your life, you feel like you can control their lives, you feel like you can do whatever you want to in their life and interfere as much as you want in their life, because I've always been part of them.

00:16:55 --> 00:17:14

And I've always been superior than them. But Subhanallah Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam never had a controlling mindset over his daughter or even his son in law or you know, the Allahu Allah and, in fact, whenever he would go into the house of Ali and Fatima, and he would notice or sense a,

00:17:15 --> 00:17:54

a conflict or perhaps, that he will always be the peacemaker between the two people. So this is what we need to do. These are the three things I will say that for each one of us, for each one of us, we have to take stock ourselves that are we doing this in our families. Number one is disrespect is not tolerated at all should not be tolerated in our families at all dishonesty, and making sure that we work hard to establish trust between between our relationships, and number three is making sure that we don't ever try to have this personality of controlling other people or intimidating other people. This one Inshallah, if we can stay away from these three things. Inshallah, you will see that

00:17:54 --> 00:18:08

there'll be much more harmony within our own, within our families inshallah. And within all of our relationships, ask ALLAH SubhanA wa Taala to bring peace and happiness to all types of relationships I mean, nobody I mean, what does that mean love hate

00:18:09 --> 00:18:09

to live but I Catherine

00:18:12 --> 00:18:30

in LA Mussolini now almost Lima Do you want meaning well Mina team will quantity now look on it the more slowly been I was born in Poland he was saw the Rena was Slavia right the one before she you know wonderful she

00:18:31 --> 00:18:47

wouldn't call she mean I want to call she I think one down one BP now one downside the party was slow on me and I was all in

00:18:48 --> 00:19:00

one heavy Lena photo gentlemen one half year warranty was good enough to get the you Oh, what's going on? I don't know who

00:19:04 --> 00:19:06

was a gentleman nauseam.

Share Page

Related Episodes