Are Boundaries Important?
Channel: Muiz Bukhary
File Size: 9.90MB
Episode Transcript ©
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as salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. For today's video, let's talk about boundaries, and why we need to cultivate them in our lives. Why are they so important? Often, when we think of boundaries, we think of building these high walls around us to keep what we don't want out. But in this video, let's try to gain a new perspective. In this regard, let's try to reframe the entire definition of boundaries in a healthy way, by looking at them as a way to protect the good as a way to honor what's sacred to you. In short, setting these boundaries is a very powerful act of self care. And according to some, it is the ultimate act of self care. Because you see, setting clear
personal boundaries, it can be looked at as the key to ensuring relationships are mutually respectful, supportive and caring. These boundaries are a measure of self esteem, they set the limits for acceptable behavior from those around you, determining whether they feel able to put you down, make fun of you, or take advantage of your good nature.
And you know, for you to relate better. At times, you are asked to do something that you don't really want to do. Your heart pulls you back, your intuition says no. And deep down deep down in your heart of hearts, you know that saying no, is in your best interest. But then what happens? You have this tendency, this history of being a people pleaser, you don't want to disappoint others you want to be liked. And so despite all your internal red flags and warnings, you go on to say yes.
Now, saying yes. When you should have said no. leaves you feeling stressed?
frustrated, you are out of alignment, you feel distracted,
negative thoughts, toxic thoughts,
and so many other uncomfortable feelings. Do you relate to this situation with your brother, my dear sister does it resonate? You see what happens is we inflict upon ourselves this stress and anxiety because we think we have to in order to be liked by others in order to be accepted by others in order to be welcomed by others. The truth is being a people pleaser. It doesn't really do anyone any good. When we try to please others, most of the time we are out of sync with our own
needs with our own wants. And and don't get me wrong. It's not that it's bad to be thinking of others. The words of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam law, you know had to come to you. Hey bellissima, you're humble enough to come upon us. You have not brought in a man. I'm paraphrasing. The notion was along the lines of these words, you're not truly believed until you love for your brother or your sister, what you love for yourself. So it's not that it's bad to be thinking of others. And that's not what I'm trying to say here. It's just that pleasing others is not the same as helping others. People don't really like you more this way, you know, when you try to be a people
pleaser, because eventually it starts showing through the cracks. And ultimately, you hurt yourself each and every time
you participate in this habit.
And hurting yourself, my dear brother media system doesn't ultimately help others it doesn't help the people around you. You see, this is the old put your own oxygen mask on first
argument of principle, because if you were to become weak due to lack of oxygen, why because you have not taken care of yourself you're going to be used, you're going to be used less to others. And this is why you know each time the plane takes off you have the the air hostess you have the flight crew coming in and guiding all of us stating that in the case of an emergency, it's important that you first can do yourself, the men when the masks you know if there's inadequate Kevin brush or whatever it is the marks the masks will fall and then
Important before you tend to others that you put on your mask first, otherwise, you're going to be useless to others. So many brothers media sisters, the best way to break this habit, this habit of people pleasing is to bring in one simple practice, it's easier said than done. But this practice will help you flourish. And that is to set boundaries. See, some of us believed that these boundaries would scare people away that it would shut them out. And it would make the people cultivating these boundaries feel more isolated and alone. But you have to understand that boundaries
are a huge form of strength. These boundaries empower you, and they align you with your identity and where you stand in the world. See, when you don't have boundaries, what happens you're sending out this clear message that you don't know what you want, and that you will take whatever you get, and that you won't put up a fight along the way. When you don't have boundaries. You feel like you're constantly living like a doormat, you're in this doormat mentality, you feel like everybody is stepping on top of you using you taking advantage of you. So by setting boundaries, you can see it's a form of self love, self respect, self esteem.
And you need to respect yourself enough to set the necessary boundaries in your life. And by doing so, you will discover this unique sense of freedom and this peace of mind.
And as I conclude this video,
I want to establish one more thing. My dear brother, my dear sister, you aren't responsible for the feelings of others.
From seniors, you really aren't responsible, you are responsible for yourself, and your own emotions, your behaviors. Now, these boundaries may disappoint may frustrate may even anger others, how you and I, we can't control this, this needs to be established as other people. They get to feel how they feel. You can't control how they feel. So sometimes in their heart, when you say no, sometimes when they're hurt and disappointment people will try to convince us that we are acting mean that we're being unkind, that we're being selfish.
You have to tell yourself that it is never mean or unkind, to take care of yourself, believing and you know, especially during these times SubhanAllah.
You see, unfortunately you hear
people grumbling, complaining, they're in in all these stressful situations
due to what we just mentioned a while ago. So tell yourself it's never mean or unkind to take care of yourself, and your own basic needs. It is unkind to harm yourself. It is unkind to
put yourself in a situation where
it's going to damage how you look at yourself, your self esteem, but you are going to start hating yourself loving yourself. So it is unkind to harm yourself No matter how subtly
and it is certainly very unkind to ask someone else to harm themselves.
Now at this point, this might seem strong, it might seem dramatic. But medium, my dear brother, my dear sister, you need to think of these minor boundary violations these minor boundary crossings, like like tiny paper cuts. And I picked this up from an article that I was reading. Now these paper cuts, they might not hurt
one time. But still,
you need to avoid them. Because if you don't follow through on the boundaries that you have set,
it's going to become harder and harder for you to enforce these boundaries the next time. And yeah, one paper cut, you might tend to ignore it, but think about 50 paper cuts. They're going to really hurt and hinder you.
I hope this video is of benefit.
And if you would like me to make a video
with regards to how to set these boundaries, because I hope that this video
helped us to establish
a reframing. One is I hope it establishes
The importance of setting boundaries and also a healthy outlook towards boundaries. And if you'd like me to make a video with regards to how to set these boundaries, let me know down below in the comments, and I will try to put out a video with regards to that content soon in shallow data in the meanwhile,
do like the video and share it around so that others can benefit as well. I look forward to talking to you all soon. Salaam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh