Conflict Between Islam-Deen and Culture

Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari


Channel: Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

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I'm gonna start you know who want to stop for a winter study? When are we lucky to have them surely unforeseen only say it I'm only in the low for the medulla Lahoma Euclidean for the herd Jada was shadow. Lola who had the hula Shanika or shadow Anessa you didn't know what have you been? I was what on our court you don't I'm not gonna argue who rasuluh

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Allahumma salli wa sallim wa barik ala Sayidina Muhammad Ali he put up the bow he didn't was heavy huge Marine.

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Coulomb interviewer who sent me did Allahumma alumina and farewell and finally marlington I was in Subhanak Allah Houma darlin, Medina Illa Allah, alumina Hakeem Allahu Marina and hop the hop on what I'm gonna do that I did about dealing with zoeken HD Nurb

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was that

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especially brothers and sisters are Salam o alaikum, warahmatullahi, wabarakatuh.

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hamdulillah today we have this event on marriage, what do you say? Why don't you marry?

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I'm going to try to make this informal, just like a discussion, rather than a very important lecture. I mean, normally I like to do lecture standing up, I just asked a brother, for me to, you know, be fully focused on you to stand up and you know, we have a small gathering, Inshallah, we'll just kind of discuss a few things connected to my topic.

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can make it interactive, if you want to say smaller, cadaverous

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than a talk in some the difference between a token and there's

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like a classroom setting.

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The topic, my topic, no matter was not mentioned here. But my topic is culture and Deen.

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Actually, I did a whole talk on this topic once

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at a university a couple of years ago, titled Islam in a prison of culture.

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It's actually on the internet. On my website, the whole audio took somebody this brother from Finland, he's actually put them all on YouTube, the audio. This is a convo brother, actually, I was just telling my brother in law right now. He's actually put so many of my talks on YouTube, all audio talks, but he just puts these pictures. And you can have all the, it's all audio. Then I we did some research on his brother. Some of the brothers told me that his brothers and Fred do some things putting songs. So we I told someone to email, one of the brothers I said, email him find out he's got his own channel. And we came to know that he became Muslim in 2006. He became Muslim when

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he was 1817.

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And if you really look Subhanallah, this blood, how passionate he is about his deal. He's actually coming to England, he says he wants to come and see me 100 In his Hanafi

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he calls himself a Sunni, Hanafi whatever he did, he did his own research on everything.

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Why he would. I mean, before he became a Muslim, he actually did research. Why he you know why he should embrace and accept Islam.

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And this actually is very important because this shows the difference between someone who is actually a Muslim by choice.

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And somebody who is a Muslim by culture.

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Big difference. And this is a reason why we see that many times. In this day and age, we find

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that revert brothers and sisters, those who come into the fold of Islam, those who embrace Islam, those who learn about Islam, they become far better Muslims than those who are already born in Muslim families in my community. It's all culture, many of us, whatever culture we are from whichever background, every community has cultural baggage, whether it's the Indian subcontinent, India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, or African countries, or the Arab world, every community has some cultural baggage which they confuse with Islam, which they confuse with Islam. And I'm going to talk about certain topics just made a few notes.

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And that's why I was saying that many times when people who embrace Islam

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they study Islam, this brother, he actually said that 646 months before he became a Muslim, he he studied Islam, he read the book of Allah subhanaw taala. He studied the Quran from the beginning till end. There are Muslims who are born Muslims are there at and have not read the book of Allah. You know, there are people like that, not even in Arabic, you know, without understanding even that at least you should do. But as a Muslim I normally say we should at least tried to understand you know, goes through some basic translation meaning of the book of Allah These are the words of ALLAH for me a new Allah has sent this book for the Muslims, not for the Christians or Jews or the

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atheists to

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Some Hindus and Sikhs, this book is for us. If we spend a life of 70 6080 years, we don't even get time we have time to read every other book on the planet and do every other thing. But if we don't have time, we don't have the time of the words of Allah. Imagine these are the direct words of Allah, our Lord and our Creator.

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Just imagine, you know, sometimes this we forget this, this goes over us. These are the words of Allah who Subhana wa has died. Just imagine Allah's words Kalam Allah

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imagine, you know when Allah says, Rob, Bill fill up, this is the speech column of Allah no human being no, no words of the human being.

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Yet we don't have time.

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These are, you know, the culture Muslims who are born in a Muslim family. These are people who they were just born Muslims. They're Muslims, because they were born Muslims. Unfortunately, many of us are like that. We should ask ourselves the question, why are we a Muslim?

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Have you ever asked yourself that question?

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You have, okay, let me ask you, why are you a Muslim?

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was like,

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Okay, how did you come to that conclusion? Was

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religion, a universal phenomenon? That was?

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I'm saying Did you did you study that? Or did you come to realize that by studying certain things,

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very good.

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And ask somebody else rather than Why are you a Muslim?

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other religions, the fact that they can't show the truth on this one time? So we need to study Good, good answers, which is good. But unfortunately, we find many Muslims, a large percentage of Muslims are Muslims by chance and accident. You know what I mean by accident, accident, parents accident. They're just born in a Muslim family, who are in a Bangladeshi family, Pakistani family, Indian family, Somalian family, Arab family by, by what by chance. And I've actually met brothers who actually have said this to me themselves, that we only Muslims because their family and they don't practice Islam. I mean, according to somewhere in our mind, these people actually not Muslims.

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You know, there's a great book in Arcada called Joe Hara to toe hate lines of poetry, a great Maliki scholar called the chef Abraham and Lacan. Yes, it's a very good book. It gets taught in many Arab countries, in that has a lot of fortune, he says, is good lumen. Allah de facto Hedy Iman who number 30 is called lumen Allah de facto Hedy Iman hula McCollum in 30. Every person who is a Muslim because of the bleed, you know, tech lead, you must have heard of the word tech lead, everybody knows what tech lead is following a mother. But this is an aqidah any human being who is who does not lead in acleda, there is no tech lead in our feeder, which means you are a Muslim because

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someone else was a Muslim.

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Every individual who is a Muslim because someone else was a Muslim, Iman who Lam Yalom interdealer. His email is full of doubt.

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Iman is not complete, if you're a Muslim, just because your parents are Muslims. Now the alumni have actually discussed this, they've gone into detail. They've said the meaning of this point of Arcada.

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The meaning of the, of this point of a leader is that

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if somebody is a Muslim because his parents are Muslim, he was born in a Muslim family. Right. But now, say this individual, he is a Muslim because he was born in a Muslim family.

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He is a Muslim because he's born in a Muslim family. Is that okay? The sound

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you can people can hear

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if someone is a Muslim, just because he was born in a Muslim family,

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But now, after being a Muslim, because his parents were Muslims, he needs to ask himself

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if he is in a situation where if somebody wants to tell you that look, if tomorrow your parents your father loves me, I'm not saying everybody, your parents, your father, your mother, your brothers, your sisters, your siblings, your relatives, your cousins, your people in your community, people in your locality. The Imam of the mosque, everybody left Islam. Imagine, picture that money out of Allah. May Allah save everybody. Allah forbid, but

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If that was to take place if you think to yourself and ponder and reflect for a moment that if you think that if everybody around me left Islam I would also leave Islam that means right now your iman is not complete

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but if you look to yourself and you think within yourself you ponder and you reflect yes I become Muslim just because you know I was born in Bangladesh your family for example but right now my email is so strong that tomorrow the whole world can leave Islam even the jar can come Yeah, but I was still not leave the power of Islam. If that's your case, right now then that means that right now your iman is complete every one of us we need to ask ourselves that question. And I actually feel very strong about this topic because many of us are cultural Muslims is not Islam is not about culture. Some some Muslims they don't know nothing about Islam, you know, they just do certain

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rituals Islam for them. It's like if you take the Indian you know, the Gujarati community some of them for them Islam is yeah, you know, you grow up so you see people okay, wearing a hat is Islam a bit of beard, you know, when when Ramadan comes to or Iftar tarawih Majid Fajr you know, a few things here and there. And few foods you you you associate certain types of food, Dr. chow hall with you know, Islam, it that's culture and that comes like Bangladesh's fish is part of Islam. You know, in general, you'll get Islam you will get fish, you know, they will tell you, you know, in general you'll get fish. Right. Now, what happens is that you have certain things that take place around

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you. Marriages Nikka is an actually an act of a burden. But for us, every culture for them the way they do their marriage that Islam,

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okay, we know in our family, my brother got married, my uncle got married, oh, they go to the masjid or they do this or they go to the hole and this is done or that's done. And it's part of your it's just part of your culture.

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Whereas, what is the guy hand marriage in Islam? We don't know.

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What what are we saying when we go in front of the Imam? You know, the Imam says the hot rod, the hot button hijab? It's called the hot button Hajah the Sunnah of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. When he conducted marriages, he read and recited three verses from the Quran. I tell you 80% of the people don't have a clue what the Imams talking about in Arabic unless you're an Arab.

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What Why? Why is he reading those three verses?

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If you're a Muslim, you should know is if you if marriage for you is Islamic, then you should know what that what VA is about. You should know the rules basic fact. There are rules. I mean, you know, you need a whole course on marriage.

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I'm selling my CDs look at marriage CDs, I have added a whole course like 6545 years ago 19 CDs from A to Zed of marriage

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that you learn about and I'm gonna have another coming one as well, which is a you know,

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just a abridged one it brown Community College in March and April. But now we need to learn about these issues. Marriage is not cultural. It's not a normal, mundane, worldly activity.

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It's Islamic. And this is what we need to realize. And that's what Allah says to us that we need to be full time Muslims. We need to submit to the will of Allah we need to submit to the Command of Allah. You heard Latina, ermine, who? Who the Hulu is still mica Fratton. Allah says enter into Islam totally fully be full time Muslims do not be you know, partial Muslims or halftime Muslims or you know, quoted her Muslims. Like I said, you know the day in a talk that you know what happens if a team comes for 45 minutes and then you imagine Chelsea don't come for the next second half. Instead of four to be a to the lose. You can't come as halftime Muslim you can't be part time

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Muslims we have to be full time Muslims. And this is where Allah is saying to us with a whole new facility curve, enter into Islam fully, totally, completely, wholeheartedly. Islam should be in our lives from the moment we wake up till the moment we go to sleep. Islam should be in our life from the moment we are born till the moment we are we die. And not just until we die even after death, that our inheritance laws after death, burial laws after death.

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Islam is not just in the masjid. It's not just on Fridays like many it's so saddening. Seriously. For some people, Islam is July to Joomla.

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You know, for the six, seven days of the week, they have nothing whatsoever to do with Islam.

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And these are the this is what the Imam is talking about if there are Muslims by name.

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They just happen to be born in a Muslim family. And according to some scholars, I mean, I don't want to be too harsh here. These people actually non Muslims.

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According to Mohammed bin Hanbal, one of the great Imams from the foreskin

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and many other Imams, you miss one prayer intentionally. You are a kafir man Taraka salata, Mata and Megan kufr. The messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, and this is a viewpoint which was of the view of humanity and humbled even Hazama bahariya and some other Imams, and some of our brothers who don't follow a mother, they take that opinion as well. may seem very harsh, but it's a one valid opinion of the four schools of thought. When Taraka sala de matar ammidon socket kufr the one who misses one prayer, intentionally deliberately he is a kothar words of the messenger Salallahu Alaihe Salam, yes, Imam Abu Hanifa, Imam Scheffer, Imam Malik and 95% of the Muslim ummah do not agree with

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that. But I tell you what, what all of them agree upon without that without a shadow of doubt. They don't agree that okay, you miss one Salah you're a caliphate and you're, you know, your marriage is broken, etc, etc. They don't agree with that, but

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what all the Imams of the Muslim ummah agree upon

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is that this hadith means that who if someone misses one Salah deliberately he won't be a golfer but if somebody continuously, systematically Yeah, just the the words that you stir for fun, what is the hullermann water wooden, systematically, continuously, regularly, days on end, taking the matter likely, doesn't really care about praying doesn't even think about kadar.

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That person without a doubt is

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seriously even appointed a Hanafis. And the shadow phase.

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You see you have two types of people listen to us for as long as a brother, he's, he prays for just one day he doesn't pray the next day he prays to one day then he for three, four days is no praying that he's practicing, not practicing. still strong. But he still is a Muslim. You know, he feels bad. He feels guilty. There's Kabbalah he missed the three, four days. And then he became he came to talk became practicing again. And then again. He's like, you know, in and out.

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And he says concerned he cares about his prayer and He cares about Islam. He feels guilty, he thinks I will do

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that person without doubt is a Muslim, okay, according to the vast majority of the Ummah, even if he's missing one prayer deliberately. But there are others who do not care whatsoever. Some of them from three to eight.

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There is no intention of color. There is no, they just take the metal, you know, completely lightly, they just don't care. That's what you call a cultural Muslim by name and this person are going to as I said, all these Imams is not a Muslim. Once a brother came to me, he said, Oh, I have so many friends who say to me that, you know, what they do is that they say they don't even play Joomla what they do is that just make sure that after every three Joomla is preying on Joomla because you might become a cover.

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Seriously, this brother in Leicester came to me, he said a lot of the brothers were too busy with work and factory and making money and whatever. For them this life is everything next life doesn't really matter. So they said you know what they do they miss to Joomla is to make sure just make sure you don't miss three on the trot consecutively. They make sure after every two they pray the third to be able to remain a Muslim or be lucky medallic

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This will be called a kosher Muslim you know people just happen to be born in a Muslim family. And then we ask and we think why isn't Allah have been the Muslims as so many percentage of Muslim in the world? From all the people by name Muslims, how do we know there might be only 10% Really Muslims? Allah knows best. Like one chef I heard his talk he said many Muslims by name, those who are who are who are recorded as Muslims by name of Zaid and Amarin Abdullah Al Baqarah, Muhammad and visa etc etc

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according to email, Muhammad's opinion I don't know how many would be a governor

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who are not who can continuously not offering the salah and prayer

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so Islam is a it's a it's a religion, it's not just a religion, it's a complete way of life. It's an active active part of our lives. You know Islam is not like the brothers it's not like any other religion. It's not just certain rituals were you know certain forms of worship certain modes of worship, certain things you do just once a week or once a year. And I'm Adan comes then yeah, we think okay, now it's a cultural things, you know, in some communities, if spa is like a party.

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Yeah, If thought is like a party, I was in Syria, and I was telling I used to see the people there have nothing whatsoever, you know, they do the Iftar they fast they open the fast and then the watch dramas all late all night long. Syrian TV used to give the top dramas in Ramadan, so soap operas in Ramadan, and they make a slightly Islamic you know, somebody's just come back from the mosque and you know, things like that.

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No, seriously, they have you know, they have the soap soaps, you know, they made it slightly Islamic, and none of their open

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It's not enough for them but they fast long and fast no fasting is more like a cultural thing you know everybody's after so there's so much traffic and all the food and you know preparation family I'm not saying it's not allowed you can you can, you should invite and you should open fast with your fellow Muslim brothers but it's the religious significance is lost. You go oh my god this for people everybody's busy eating and the family and nobody's in the masjid it's more cultural than Islamic.

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There'll be people fasting, right? Who will not be praying no Salah

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there'll be there'll be there'll be people who the sisters will not even be covering the head. They're still fasting. Picking and Choosing parts of the book of Allah Allah says of a took Muna divided Kitabi with a karuna, reviled you believe in parts of the book and you leave other parts. This way you call a partial Muslim or quarter time Muslim or a half time Muslim, Allah tells us in entering to Islam, totally submit. Islam means submission, brothers and sisters. That's what Islam means. You know we say Islam means peace. Yeah, one of the meanings is peace, right it is one of the meanings but the word Islam really submission you know, a slum or use Muslim is a person of

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Muslim the translation was Muslim is not a peaceful person.

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The literal translation you have us lemma useless Islam and you're our brother No, no, he's Aslam Are you slim Islam and for whom Muslim on

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Islam he submitted Himself useless who he is submitting himself that is unfair and the dual Muslim the one who submits himself the submitter submits to the commando will of Allah, the peaceful one is Salim from the word Selim Selim is name was Salim Ahmed Salim is the one who is peaceful of Salama of peace. So the literal meaning of Muslim is someone who submits himself totally to the will and Command of Allah. And this is what Allah talks about, you know, the two prophets Ibrahim and Ismail peace be upon them.

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You know, the long story when Allah talks about

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you know, the slaughtering Ibrahim was ordered and commanded to slaughter his own sacrifice his own son, the long story we all know. After mentioning the whole episode, Allah use the word Islam for the Father, the Father, when Allah commanded Ibrahim peace be upon him to slaughter and sacrifice his own son, no questions, no ifs and buts. Allah said it full stop, submit. And the son is married peace be upon him. He never asked any questions. He could have said, God, you know what? Why didn't why did why did slaughter sheep.

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It doesn't make sense. Go in and tell you know, Is it crazy? You know, slaughtering a human being your own son. Or you might be deluded or you might be deceived, or you might have might have understood wrong. He said, Yeah, a birdie if I told him I said, God in sha Allah Homina Savarin Oh, my beloved Father, do what you have been commanded to do, don't even hesitate. You will find me from those who have patient and server. And he has mentioned that he actually Ibrahim is my elder son told the father You know what, when you slow to me, don't put me on my neck a sorry, on my, you know, in the back of my head, you know, put me on my stomach. So that when you see my face, you

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don't have pity in your heart. And use you know, the knife might you might find it difficult so you don't see my face, slaughter me from the back.

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That's why phylum Slama will tell Julio Jabeen when Allah talks about this, he says when they both a slammer

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now when they both became Muslims, they're already the prophets of Allah when they're both submitted to the will and Command of Allah. Islam teaches submission, total submission. Everything we do, from the moment we wake up, the way we pray, the way we eat, the way we drink, the way we do business, the way we trade the way we marriages, divorces, everything has to be in light of the guidance given by Allah and His Messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam cultural stuff. It's not a problem. Two things one, it's not a problem. As long as you don't consider it to be a part of Islam. You realize this culture and number two, it should not go against Islam.

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Right? Like, for example, I'm not saying everything of culture is wrong culture. I mean, the goal is like to have fish part of the culture. Yeah, I like fishing as well. No problem. Doesn't mean now you can eat it of course you can eat it. So as long as you don't give it extra significance, religious significance to it. And as long as something it's not against the teachings of the Quran and Sunnah. So, the point here is that all we need to be Muslims, not by just by name, not by culture, not because we were just born in a Muslim family. We could be born in an Indian family or a Pakistani family, Somalian family, Kuwaiti family a Saudi Arabian family, Egyptian family, Syrian

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family, whatever family we may be born in

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But for us, Islam comes over and above everything Islam has given preference over and above everything you can be, you know, Eastern Muslim, you know from wherever you are east, south west north, Islam comes first you can be a British person or you can be a Muslim. Islam is before being British. Islam is before being Arab. Islam is before being Indian is before being Pakistani before being Bangladeshi before being Africa. Islam comes before everyone and that solves all the problems. You know, we have all this Dr. Yunus in the Halacha document,

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which are now I'm sure Olga will cover in a later IRA. Allah says the only reason why we created in two different tribes and groups later our office so that you recognize one another, it's easy, otherwise everybody was Chinese, you'd be so difficult to realize one another to recognize one another, we all look the same. If everybody was the moon, it would be difficult everybody was Indian with difficult you know, different tribes. Diversity is actually good. You learn from different tribes and different groups and Lita ruffle.

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You know, if you have three people named by the name of Abdullah, one is from Bangladesh. The other one is from China. The third one is from Botswana, for example, you know later than ALLAH says in a Kurama command Allah hiya Taku the most honorable by Allah is the One who has the most fear of Allah love Allah Tala furtherly RB and I urge me there is no virtue for Arab over non Arab and vice versa.

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In the inner Calista behind him in Amara Allah Hadith of the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in a Calista behind him in mera wala as well you don't become good by oak color. You're not good because you're white because you're black because your pink or your blue or green. If you get those colors, but anyway, you're not good by the color. There is no virtue in the color of your skin.

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There is no virtue.

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Ill and for Bella who be Taqwa taqwa and the fear of Allah, the consciousness of Allah. That's what makes a person honorable and noble in this life.

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the first point I want you to take with you here today is we need to be active Muslims.

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You know what active Muslims may not be cultural Muslims.

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That's the first point I want you to take with you.

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To be active Muslims, not someone who's just a Muslim because he was born in a Muslim family, not just because you know you've you happen to be born

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in a family where your parents are Muslims.

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Take Islam as a way of life. Study it. Find out the HECM. The Masada the wisdoms, the rules of different aspects of Islam, make Islam a practical part of your life and make it a full of life. Not just a passive thing. Islam should be active in our lives not passive. It's not just not we shouldn't just go through the motions should be an active thing. Everything you know, as I said from from the moment we wake up our life, our work, our jobs, our careers. Everything should revolve around Islam, everything's a short life. I'm telling you, once you get into it, then you never look back. Seriously as the brothers who are into it, once you go into it, then there's no better place

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to be in that in the depth of practicing Islam. It's the most beautiful religion, the most peaceful religion you find inner peace within yourself. You will be away from all the depressions and all the distractions of the world. That doesn't mean that you won't go through any trials and tribulations of course you would. That's part of being a human being human the messengers of Allah peace be upon them, all of them. They went through more trials and tribulations than us. But there'll be some other type of inner peace that you will gain that you cannot get any money. You could have the best job and the best car but you won't get that peace. Rena Rena Rena knifes the messenger sallallahu

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alayhi wa sallam said Lisa Lavina and Catherine Hill out of Reno Rena and real richness and being wealthy is not with a lot of objects and items and wealth you know physical wealth in the mala Lena Lena knifes real richness and being wealthy is the Rena the wealth of the heart, the richness of the heart, you can have a lot in terms of

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materialistic things but if you don't have that peace and contentment will have the heartland has no no benefit. And there are people who are mega rich, no peace whatsoever. They don't have your own time to eat. We sometimes eat you know, better food than them and relax. There are people who, you know, have been you know, just a few things to make ends meet but the type of sleep they go through the multimillion

00:30:00--> 00:30:19

You can't have that kind of stuff. He's taking tablets. He has, he's using his millions to, to take medication to sleep because he's got so much pressure on his head, that this person has just got a house on rent and a small job there and he sleeps and snows like, you know, never going to wake up. Except 10 o'clock. That's what you want. That's what relaxation is in this world.

00:30:20--> 00:31:01

That's that's the real piece. We have a simple life, you know, where you you can pray your prayers and, and you have a small house. It doesn't matter once the mansion is 670 years of life. You want to spend all day and night Sam for 70 years of life. The next step is eternal. How many years 600 years 600 million years eternity, you're going to be there. The messenger sallallahu alayhi salam said Emily dunya can be acquired Rebekah ecoffee ha Well I'm only a heretical because Rebekah ecovia work for you this life as long for as long as you're going to live here and work for your next life for as long as you can read. Look at the comparison 70 years nowadays average 60s 65 as the doctor

00:31:01--> 00:31:28

few doctors and medical experts so what's the average nowadays are about 60 If you're over 30 You're going downhill I've said as few times as always you're going up up like a log flume you know you know the log from boat 2930 Now he's going on and that's gonna take a leap and when you become 31 you don't become 31 you actually 29 You're going backwards now 2920 820-710-9876 54320 That God 60 years and he goes like this

00:31:29--> 00:31:34

you know people will talk about Millennium coming Do you remember some of you many managers coming you know there's somebody

00:31:36--> 00:32:16

people like to get fascinated about these kinds of things. You know that's another topic in our communities they love you know to thrive on you know, like simple aubergine Allah's Name coming out from it and you know sending text messages and some YouTube videos a woman's tend to lizard or leave with most of its own hooks anyway. Seriously, we need to work doesn't matter for us. Our Islam is so strong that you know you can actually find 10 origins with hundreds of names of Allah is not gonna change anything for me. That's how an image should be. A Quran says Aladdin either to Leah to Eileen to Who's the other to me, man. Your image is increased by the recitation of the Quran or by seeing

00:32:16--> 00:32:17

Allah's Nieminen Obuchi.

00:32:18--> 00:32:27

Don't get too fascinated about these things, you know these things Okay, handle a visitor a visitor if it's not gonna make a difference. Because tomorrow a Hindu might come and say certain alarm in

00:32:29--> 00:32:39

June so this it could happen, you know, anything could look, you know, like, you can allow, you can just figure it anyway. You know, it's like one brother see, I can see a Lolita in the cloud. I said, I can see shaitan as well, if you look at it this way.

00:32:40--> 00:32:59

Yeah, if you looked at it that way, you could actually literally say shirt on if so don't get too fascinated about these things. Real for us. Islam is Quran, Allah has blessed beloved messengers and Allah wa salam statements and practicing them. We are punctual with our prayers, they will make a difference to us. So the first point is going back,

00:33:00--> 00:33:03

that we become active Muslims.

00:33:04--> 00:33:42

We make sure that Islam is not cultural, we're more Islamic than being you know, practicing in our culture. Islam comes before, over and above our own cultures, is we we practice Islam in a total way in a total manner. And we enter into Islam completely, totally. As you know, there is no separation of church and state in Islam. This is the beauty of Islam. There is no Islam is everywhere, at your workplace, marriages at home, you know, you're walking on the road, drive, even driving a car, there are rules of Islam. Even when you drive a car, when you when you take a bus.

00:33:43--> 00:34:22

You're a Muslim, you're a Muslim, when you are home, you're a Muslim, when you when you are working in a factory, you're a Muslim, when you when if you're at the school or college, or university campus, you're a Muslim, when you're a father, you're a Muslim, when you're a mother, you're a Muslim, when you're a son or a daughter, you're a Muslim, outside inside when you're driving a car, you're on the London Underground tube network, wherever you are, you have to realize that I am a Muslim. Islam doesn't stop once you come out of the Masjid. Even at home, even when you're driving a call, you're a Muslim. Okay, so we need to really realize this and we need to enter Islam totally

00:34:22--> 00:34:28

completely. Now in terms of marriage, you know, this is us thinking he's going home and talking about marriage. What's happening? Listen, this this topic is all about marriage. You know,

00:34:29--> 00:34:35

one of the things like this nationalist, beautiful love hearts and all sorts of stuff, you know, the brothers here probably their

00:34:37--> 00:34:41

ancestors as well, maybe, I don't know, come to find some potential spouses or what

00:34:43--> 00:34:55

marriage I mean, there are certain things in marriage. You know, I, as I said, I gave that talk and I had made certain notes of that sound some things that we haven't, you know, I just want to talk about just three or four points.

00:34:58--> 00:34:59

About marriage and divorce.

00:35:02--> 00:35:03

The first point

00:35:05--> 00:35:22

which is related to what I was just talking about this, what I just talked about right now was an introduction really. Now, this first point regarding marriage is connected to the introduction. It follows on from the introduction, which is that is in Islam marriage is considered to be an act of a bird.

00:35:23--> 00:35:27

It's an act of a bird. It's an act of worshipping Allah.

00:35:28--> 00:35:57

We have to realize, marriage is not a normal, mundane world act. It's not like you know, I mean, everything really becomes a burden if you do it with the right intention anyway, even driving a car can be an act of a burden. But there are differences you know, you know, if historically there's there's two types of actions, some things are act of a burden in of themselves, fee that you have enough see her, you know, you have you that in of itself, like Salah itself is an act of

00:35:59--> 00:36:03

fasting itself, act of a bird. Zakat

00:36:05--> 00:36:10

in itself is an act of obedience time. There are two types of actions that a human being does

00:36:12--> 00:36:20

a Muslim don't some things are a bird in of themselves by nature, direct acts of a bird

00:36:22--> 00:36:59

and there are others other activities that we do that can be potentially acts of a birder, but they're not directly well, they're not designed specifically exclusively as ibid but with your good intention, Allah will make it into an act of everybody. So everything else in the world drinking you know, I'm drinking this right now. Water, I make intention. I'm drinking this water because this is the bounty and gift a NEMA from Allah. I would thank Allah the energy you know, and that I will get inshallah speak more and inshallah I'll benefit you will benefit and Allah who does so with that intention

00:37:01--> 00:37:02

Gary would hamdulillah

00:37:04--> 00:37:05

it's an activator but

00:37:06--> 00:37:44

in masala tea Well, no, Sookie Rama, Jung Murthy will either mean everything we do. Everything we do is for Allah subhanho wa taala. This is this is the nature of Islam. So everything you do in this world, potentially even going and studying at the university, even taking a degree in law and medicine. Medicine is a very good area to take a degree in. I mean the Imam Shafi Allah Han used to say, the more I learn how to clean a dry you will typically have done, Muslims used to give a lot of importance to medicine, and whatever degrees everything can potentially become an act of a bird. Right, with the right intention, but there are two types of things some things they needed good

00:37:44--> 00:38:24

intention to be made an act of eyebrow that they're not exclusively designed like this, drinking of water, or driving a car or doing something earlier to eating drinking, things like that. But there are other activities which are specifically exclusively designed as act of a blood. Like for example, I just said some examples like salah, zakat, Hajj, Umrah, tarawih, clear Malay, the 100, Salah, things like that now marriage, is it in the second category, like the everything else in the world is like act and rebuttal is in the first category. I mean, the aroma of actually discussing According to some scholars is actually you know, more to do with the second category.

00:38:25--> 00:38:59

Which is like if you make a good intention then activate about that like drinking water and stuff like that. Some of them are of that opinion, even with Shaffir the Allahu Anhu was of that opinion, remember? No, he was of that opinion, many scholars will have that opinion. And this is why you will find many scholars who actually did not marry to give preference to Islam and you know, working for Islam serving the deen of Allah. Many Imams Imam and No, you must have heard of him a notary, the author of the other side of him. He never married all his life. He only lived like 40 years anyway, the amount of work he did did you know you realize why he did that much work because you know, he

00:38:59--> 00:39:02

never had to go Sainsbury and as every other week.

00:39:03--> 00:39:42

No family, you know, once you get a family you have responsibilities, even Tamia Rahimullah. He never married all his life. Imagine it evolutionary Republic, if I remember correctly, he didn't marry as well. There's actually a whole book in Arabic. I don't think it's translated into English, one of the great scholars of the recent times, the Sheikh of many of my teachers, Sheikh Abdel Fattah Buddha, Allah, I don't know if you've heard of him. Anybody heard of him? Very famous chef, you know, one of the great Muhaddith he's passed away in the night. I just met him. I was in Canada a couple of weeks ago, and his son, Sheikh Mohammed Zaida would, you know, he was on the same event,

00:39:42--> 00:39:42

and then

00:39:43--> 00:39:59

I got to meet him 100 Allah. So his father shahada, Fatah, Hoda, who was actually Syrian, and then he moved to Saudi Arabia. He's to teach at the Riyadh University a great fapy a great Hanafi fapy and a great scholar of Hadith. Probably the greatest Hadith of the last

00:40:00--> 00:40:02

You know, the latter part of the last century

00:40:04--> 00:40:14

he wrote a book called ALMA will reserve a Lavina Earth role. So watch those bachelor scholars who gave preference to knowledge over marriage

00:40:15--> 00:40:19

wants to be that bachelor here to give preference to

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knowledge over marriage. And he gave a biography of like 30 scholars, one or two females as well. One was a great Muslim, a great Mahadeva Karima Alma Rosea.

00:40:33--> 00:40:59

But the Allahu anha, who did not marry because she was there busy teaching Hadith to 1000s of students, bag collected these people they were of the opinion that look, being busy in these type of activities is more preferable than marriage. That's one opinion. Okay, whereas the other opinion, which is the opinion of an Imam, Abu Hanifa, Allahu anhu, and many of the Imams of the Muslim ummah,

00:41:00--> 00:41:18

they say that no marriage, the act of the aspect of a burden is predominant. It's not like a worldly activity that it becomes like, you know, the drinking water, now in itself, like Salah is an act of a bird. And that's what some of them said, there is no act of a bird that

00:41:19--> 00:41:21

started since the time of the Prophet Adam,

00:41:22--> 00:41:54

and will remain, and he salatu salam will remain until the day of judgment and in the Hereafter, except one act of a brother which is marriage, there is no Salah in the next life that is no zakat. There is no hedge. There's none of those types of activities, the only act of murder which was prescribed for Adam peace be upon him, from his time till the Messenger of Allah and Allah who listen every Sharia until day of judgment and even the next life. It's an act of Ebola. So we need to realize marriage is an act of a brother.

00:41:55--> 00:42:10

It's not a cultural thing. It's not a you know, Bangladeshi thing or an Indian thing or a Pakistani thing. It's not something because you know, we do in a culture it's an act of a bad Islamic thing. It's like offering Salah now imagine someone offers Salah and does

00:42:12--> 00:42:24

unlawful activities while suffering Salah how big a crime is that? Imagine you know I mean I can give you the the most grave and series of examples. Imagine somebody suffering sudden whilst drinking Salah is drinking alcohol.

00:42:26--> 00:42:39

Imagine Can you imagine someone doing that? Allahu Akbar and drinks alcohol. Anyone who's conducting a marriage ceremony in the marriage if this unlawful activity is taking place, that's exactly the same example. Marriages are bad.

00:42:41--> 00:42:42

Marriages are a burden.

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You have to make an Islamic there has to be what we call Toccoa the fear of Allah marriage, you know the hood we are the messenger sallallahu alayhi salam I told you I just talked about the hotword. You know that sermon. The sermon, which the messengers is called the hot water hydrogen which the messengers of Allah who listen would recite. He used to recite three verses of Taqwa.

00:43:07--> 00:43:38

Here you Inessa Takara, Bakula, the Halacha communication Wahida ohada caminhos xojo But seminoma rejet and cathedra when we're talking Allah 100, et cetera, whatever you will or ham in Allah and Allah MerKiVa verse number one, verse number two, you're Latina, ermine, otaku Allahu Akbar, Ducati Well, lo and tombstone verse number three here you are loving Hola Hola Hola. Hola. And said either you say hello come Pamela come welfare la Kumu back home. When are you try la hora Sula, who fell for the further frozen Alima. Now these three verses

00:43:39--> 00:43:46

Don't even mention marriage. You know there are other verses Allah could have chose the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam could have picked and chosen any of the verse.

00:43:48--> 00:43:55

You know there are verses relating to marriage and Maha and dowry in the Quran. None of them were chosen.

00:43:57--> 00:44:03

At the time of marriage, the word marriage in the gospel is not even mentioned in these verses.

00:44:05--> 00:44:06


00:44:07--> 00:44:40

What's in common? You know what's in common? The three verses of Taqwa being conscious, realizing that every on every step of this venture, Allah is watching us. And the owner said the taco has to be a cobbler. Nikka burden, anger, Nika, Nika, I don't have the time but we need to have taqwa, the fear of Allah, The God consciousness before marriage, at the time of marriage and after marriage, before marriage, don't be involved in unlawful illicit relationships start off on the right foot before marriage

00:44:41--> 00:44:43

with that person as well as in your own life.

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If somebody has habit of doing bad lawful activities before marriage, unless you know he really sincerely repents, then it's given that after marriage, not gonna change anything. You know, some people think okay until marriage, and then after marriage, I saw myself out seriously

00:45:01--> 00:45:08

You know, I know for a fact, if you have a habit before marriage, you could have 10 wives, you're not gonna sort yourself out

00:45:10--> 00:45:28

it's a disease. And these people actually talking about it as well, they actually now, you know, in the wake of all these Tiger Woods and John Terry stuff, you know if you know, there are actually heard a program on this, and they actually tried to categorize this as an as an illness now, this guy's got an illness, he can't be faithful.

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Considering a problem within a human being.

00:45:34--> 00:45:43

You know, sometimes you think these people you know, you I mean, we shouldn't look at the wives, of course, but you think, you know, it's like when Mother said, why would you have an affair with someone who's got a model?

00:45:45--> 00:45:56

He's got he's got, you know, the most beautiful woman actually cold. Somebody was saying, I don't know if you guys know these names, I don't know. But if you don't know what 100 are good, you know, you don't need to know about these people. But

00:45:57--> 00:46:32

I certainly won't brother came to me said, you know, I actually mentioned this in a talk a while ago, this brother came to see me he said, it really makes sense what you said, because I was just thinking, you know, this, Ashley Cole, his wife, you know, she's like the top most beautiful woman in the world. Why would you need to go elsewhere? I say there's two reasons, not just that one is like, it's it's now it's become a habit. The other is that beauty is not what you just see. There's more to beauty than and that's why one of the things don't look at looks even brothers and sisters generally. Don't look at looks too much. You know, there was a there was once a survey where they

00:46:32--> 00:46:34

were asking brother men and women non Muslims.

00:46:35--> 00:47:09

What What's your priority in marriage, and I think looks came close to the bottom for women, for men who was at the top. But even for men don't you know, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And I'm telling you beauty after marriage. You know, if you look at someone, every single day of your life, when they wake up in the morning, when they've just come out in the shower, when they've just gone to the toilet, when when they're crying when they're happy. You know, you see them 24 hours, that beauty becomes normal, natural to you can have the most beautiful person in the world. If you're looking at a face every day in your life,

00:47:10--> 00:47:14

it becomes absolutely normal. Doesn't make a difference. Now.

00:47:15--> 00:47:24

You look you look at someone else's, maybe half the beauty of your spouse. Right? But they'll see more beautiful because it's just once you look.

00:47:26--> 00:47:29

These are serious issues. I mean, these are practical issues I'm telling you.

00:47:31--> 00:47:59

And that's why you know, sometimes some people go and go and have some, you know, affair on the side with someone who's like really ugly. You know, the people say, what's happened here, because it's just you know, not living with them. So beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It's not physically how the look, it's the character. And that beauty in the character hospital, Sierra, it's a unique beauty, the way your wife talks to you, the way she interacts with you the way your husband talks to you.

00:48:00--> 00:48:17

It's just unique that that character building character, you cannot buy that with any money in the planet, telling us the best thing you can have. If you've got a spouse who's got the most beautiful of character, then you need to really feel yourself to be fortunate.

00:48:18--> 00:48:26

Character is very important. Don't just go for looks. I'm not saying your attraction doesn't matter does to an extent, but think to yourself

00:48:28--> 00:48:38

just to an extent after that, it doesn't matter too much as I said it become normal to you will be the phases. You want someone who's beautiful to you, even when you're 95 Year Old Buddha.

00:48:39--> 00:49:05

And she's 94 and she's got old wrinkles on her face. And you know, you know sometimes you get used to old people you know 80s and 90s and the love they have grown old in Islam and and you know like your your old granddad or sometimes you see them you're amazed I love between your granddad and your grandmother they have amazing, that's unique. That's what he called true love. No, they just have all the life they've shared together.

00:49:07--> 00:49:13

And that's what Islam that's what marriage is about. It's not what we think right now. That's what marriage is about. So,

00:49:14--> 00:49:16

taqwa before marriage,

00:49:17--> 00:49:55

right? Start off on you know, don't don't do unlawful activities before marriage. If someone is involved in repentance me to Allah, we need to you know, correct always because once a person gets a habit that even you know, don't don't let shaytaan deceive you. Don't let a bliss and Satan deceive you that you know what after I get married or sward myself out because if you are doing things until marriage, then I can guarantee you that you will carry on in most cases even after marriage when I speak to a lot of people you know I have a direct line and I emails phone call. I talked to hundreds of people

00:49:56--> 00:50:00

the past few years and you know married married couple

00:50:00--> 00:50:18

pulls in a ton of problems, like every problem you can think of is taking place. You can tell a lot of these things are habits before marriage does not sorted themselves out before marriage. And they bring these habits in their marriage, and it causes problems in the marriage to the most extreme. I don't want to explicitly have young children, but to the extreme.

00:50:21--> 00:50:25

To the extreme, Jonnie Subhan, Allah, I'm telling you to the extreme.

00:50:27--> 00:50:52

You know, there are cases where, like, one sister was called me, she's, she's got two children, they've got two children. They've been married for 1012 years. And, you know, he's been doing all kinds of dodgy things. As you know, he said to me, and so once you follow that, and you know, he's doing some unlawful, and he's not just having an affair, but he's going to miss massage parlors, and things like that. Married men visiting prostitutes, come on, you know, you've got a Muslim woman at home.

00:50:54--> 00:51:12

You know, when you get these habits, they're really difficult to get rid of people who've got habits of, you know, playing with themselves before marriage, right? And being explicit here it will, you'll have your wife next to bed but you'll still you'll find more pleasure in relieving your own self than then having a relationship with your spouse.

00:51:13--> 00:51:28

And this is medically proven scientifically proven. There's a whole book on this as well. There's really good book on point you know, there's this this sister this one sister, and so many sisters actually wives, Muslim woman I've spoken to LED Sikhs, who say their husbands have addiction to porn.

00:51:29--> 00:51:55

They find more pleasure in porn and then having a relationship with a wife. Come on, you know I said I we were we were in you know, in a couple of weeks ago in Canada, there was a few other chefs as well. A few other chefs and me not few other chefs as well because I'm not a chef. But you know, chef, I have a different Bradford Mr. Drama, and we use a real in the same vicinity. I think it's coming tomorrow. We were in the same plane going and coming Yola went for a weekend, just the conference. So one night, we were just outside the hotel, we were having this discussion, all this

00:51:56--> 00:52:17

on, we talked about these issues, and show him a different platform. And he was flabbergasted. He couldn't He said, This is the first time I'm shocked. He couldn't understand that there are people who would actually, you know, do the they'll be so dysfunctional and psychologically so, you know, degraded, that they would feel more pleasure in these activities than even having to own that and there's no problems with the wife.

00:52:18--> 00:52:57

Yeah. If there's problems, why then maybe you could you can, you can kind of justify it, but maybe you can understand, but there's nothing wrong, but still, and he was shocked. And we told him, he said, Look, this definitely happens. It's a disease. So we have to correct our ways. And that's why at the time of Nika, the court is reminded beforehand as well beforehand as well. And that's why you know, in some, some communities people make Toba repent to Allah, Allah look, okay, now I've done all the sins. Just I want to stop right now. And I personally feel that you should try not wait for the last day. Tomorrow's my marriage tonight, I'm doing Tober now give it at least six months. Six

00:52:57--> 00:53:23

months, at least, make Toba completely sort yourself out. And then be completely new born Muslim, a Thai woman and then become Aladdin Bella. The one who repents is like never coming to the same. spend six months of chastity, of good practicing of Islam, and then get into marriage and you'll see that you'll be you'll have a very prosperous marriage. Many problems marital problems are because of this because of these habits from before marriage.

00:53:24--> 00:53:33

You know those people who are good beforehand you see them that their marriages, they they they prosper in the marriage. So Taqwa before what has worked, by the way

00:53:34--> 00:54:18

35 Okay. That was before marriage, taqwa at the time of and then at a time before marriage as well. One of the things about before marriage engagement. We know when you get engaged, nothing's changed. Nothing's happened. You're still foreigners and strangers to one another. A lot of people ask what can we do after marriage? After engagement? I said nothing. It was just like, before engagement, nothing's happened. So before marriage, have taqwa, cobbler Nikka. And then at the time of marriage, which means your marriage, marital and marriage ceremonies, should be conducted, should be contented in accordance with the rules of Islam. You know, as I said, you know, like the person praying Salah

00:54:18--> 00:54:33

and drinking alcohol, it's like people have marriage ceremonies, and in the ceremonies within the Nika they have intermingling of the two sexes of the two genders, women dancing, man dancing, mixing this, that and the other music,

00:54:35--> 00:54:45

unlawful activities, there's no Baraka, there'll be no blessings in our marriage. This is an act of a burden. It's not a worldly thing. It's not a cultural thing. It's an Islamic thing.

00:54:46--> 00:54:59

This is what I'm saying. It's an Islamic thing. You have to make the right intention. Before marriage, you have to learn about marriage, because marriage, you have to learn. There are rules, you know, non Muslims actually sometimes some of them go and take courses

00:55:00--> 00:55:33

We've got the best course the best guidance given to us by Allah his Messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, what else do we need? Learn about the rules of marriage. We need to learn remember everything that we do in our lives we need to learn about them. We each learn about the rules of marriage, and then make sure and ensure that the marriages are contracted. In accordance with the teachings of Islam, there should be no unlawful activities in the marriage ceremony. And then the most important part is after marriage, after marriage as well. Between the relationship of the husband and wife, there has to be Taqwa. There has to be the fear of Allah, there has to be God

00:55:33--> 00:56:06

consciousness, you know what that basically means? Everything we do before we do it with everything we say, Oh, we do. We think Allah will question me about this on the Day of Judgment. If I now my wife is here, I am going to speak to her. Before I speak to her, let me think, the way I'll speak Allah will ask me, Why do you speak in this way? And then I speak. If you're a wife, that before putting a mouth, you know, think, you know, if I say something to my husband, Allah will ask me. Can you speak like this to your husband in a disrespectful manner? Think beforehand.

00:56:08--> 00:56:09

This is what Taqwa means.

00:56:10--> 00:56:26

That's what you want a wife or a husband. Remember, you will only have a prosperous marriage. If you have someone of Taqwa in your life. Then don't. Don't call Murali Urbani Maria. How old is your Maria? Well, you just said the willie Dini, her father for obesity. Why is this so important?

00:56:27--> 00:56:34

Because I'm telling you, Dean is so important. Really. If you want a prosperous marriage, you will only survive with someone who has deep

00:56:36--> 00:56:40

and then doesn't mean someone who just covers ahead. That's another topic.

00:56:41--> 00:56:46

It doesn't just mean someone who just weighs on your carbon the hijab, or just someone who grows a beard.

00:56:47--> 00:56:58

It's not just just someone who goes or someone will close just the beard. Yeah, don't take things out of context. I'm not saying it's not important. This is important. But not just that it's not restricted to that.

00:57:00--> 00:57:40

Dean is a comprehensive word. comprehensive statement. It starts from accorded to martial law to more Ambala to be added to the external appearance to the internal or external sunnah. Internal sunnah. Inward sunnah, outward sunnah. And specially with marriage, hook and a HELOC is probably more important than anything. And this is why there's a hadith and Sunnah Etherium, at the heart of La Quinta, Dona Dena, who were Holika who, by the way, you elect a fan with a conviction, or they will facade and the messenger so Allah Who said it was addressing the parents, the willies, the odia, the worry of the Guardians, and said, Look, if you get a proposal from someone whose deed and

00:57:40--> 00:58:07

whose character who call, you are happy with them, marry them off, don't wait for anything else, don't wait for this money and that money, etc. Marry them off. Character is probably the most important thing in marriage. Because you see in marriage, nothing will save a person from you know, abusing you or from acting in a you know, inappropriate way except the fear of Allah. It's a private relationship. You can't call the police my husband's not smiling at me.

00:58:08--> 00:58:13

Can't do that. You Subhan Allah he will do that.

00:58:14--> 00:58:25

But you can't you know, these relationships, you know, these are things you can't How can you you know, you might my my wife doesn't do this. So she's always, you know, just reserved, or she's always you know,

00:58:27--> 00:58:37

talking to me to talk with me to disrespectful manner, these kinds of things. They might the only thing that will make them a good wife or a good husband is the fear of Allah.

00:58:38--> 00:58:59

Seriously, that's the only thing that's why it's very important. You know, Dean when we say Dean, some of our brothers I think Dean Dean Yeah, this is true and all of that keeping them with Dean Dean Dean. Yeah, you know, I want to like fashionable woman. You know, I want someone who has you know, good accent as soon as there's no you know, someone back home and someone you know, someone

00:59:00--> 00:59:38

knows about fashion and designer wear and knows you know about all these things. So these very important just wrapping up this first point, what's his first point about write these things down? You should write Mama's Cherie, I think or someone said by either GitHub you know, we should make notes even if you know we should still make notes it's very important you know in lectures and programs become especially programs where there's long talks should make a habit of good sign of a good Muslim someone who's you know who has a pen and a notepad all the time and make no make some sisters makes can't see the sisters but generally sisters make notes more than the brothers

00:59:38--> 00:59:41

brothers. They will remember everything but then you know, everything goes away.

00:59:42--> 00:59:44

We should we should make a habit.

00:59:46--> 00:59:59

So first thing we need to read, I'm going to wrap this point up marriage is an act of a burden. Right? A burden means Taqwa before marriage at the time of marriage, after marriage after marriage. Have the fear of Allah in the way you deal with your spouse.

01:00:00--> 01:00:26

says, your husband, your wife, everything in accordance with Islam, you'll have a prosperous marriage. And don't consider this to be your normal routine, mundane act of the world. Marriage is not an worldly activity, it's an Islamic activity. And you know, it's an act of a burden. And that's why there are so many rewards in marrying many Hadith, and many Quranic verses about marriage, all the prophets besides to marriage, and etc, etc. Anyway.

01:00:27--> 01:00:35

Point number two about marriage again connected because marriage is an act of very burdah Allah subhanaw taala made marriage very easy, simple.

01:00:37--> 01:00:39

In Islam, probably the simplest thing is marriage.

01:00:41--> 01:00:48

Simple. It's so simple. You have the brother, you have the sister. If there's a brother here, right? We could do right now.

01:00:50--> 01:00:55

Just sister can ask the permission of her when he got in his phone, your data

01:00:56--> 01:01:02

set. Okay, I want to get married to someone, brother. You got Alhamdulillah witnesses here? It takes two minutes.

01:01:03--> 01:01:09

Will it take two minutes and then we got a restaurant here we can go somewhere can go into Lima Sharla, maybe later on.

01:01:11--> 01:01:12

Just make sure it's halal.

01:01:14--> 01:01:22

So it's very simple marriages, probably the most simple we our culture has made it difficult.

01:01:23--> 01:01:29

This is a big problem. I actually gave a whole talk just on this. And this was again kind of a couple of years ago, just on this topic.

01:01:31--> 01:02:08

Cultural difficulties in marriage, the move we have made. Marriage is very difficult. Every culture community has its own self imposed restrictions. Who you Sherif it which have nothing whatsoever to do with Islam. People meet all these conditions, you have to earn this much money, you have to have this you have to have that until you know I won't get married. You can't get married until your great granddad and your uncle doesn't come back from Pakistan and she's gone there. And this one's in Bangladesh. And this was an Indian. This interview that granddad doesn't come from here. It isn't, you know, look at the time the messenger SallAllahu It was sudden seriously. Abdul Rahman you

01:02:08--> 01:02:30

know, Alfred, the Allahu Anhu was a Sahabi. Right? You know that 100 year old he was a Sahabi companion. The messenger SallAllahu alyssum saw him after a week he said, Oh, man, I didn't see you for a few days. And he said, What's this yellow stain? He had some yellow stain on his clothes. So what's this yellow stone status hood? Oh, genestein Oh, you know, last week I got married. I tried some yellow perfume. So this is that perfect.

01:02:32--> 01:03:09

Marriage last week, he said, Barack Allah only multishot Allah give you Baraka bless you make what do you might even if it's best to train your goat? Imagine That's how simple marriages or for the Sahaba I look at the messenger SallAllahu listen, and if you're someone like me, Listen, you didn't tell me. You know, I'm the Imam of the mosque. You know, you mentioned they will say this even calling invites me so so it's you know, it's like you had food yesterday. Do you contact me every time you eat or you go to the toilet? You don't? Every time you read the Quran or every time you do something you can't tell the Imam of the mosque. That's how the Sahaba or the Allahu Allah marriages

01:03:09--> 01:03:47

was simple. I got married fine, it's done. A few people are there. The messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam once married William I told everybody okay, there's already everybody bring whatever from home you know, just sit and eat and ready made simple. We have made marriages difficult restrictions will yield being from the same caste or being from this this condition that condition and I'll tell you one thing, you know, because of that the move we have made marriages difficult. What have we done? We have closed the doors of Hannah. The more we close the doors are halal. The more the doors of haram open up simple. We see all the unlawful activities taking place outside.

01:03:48--> 01:04:04

Young people living I know you guys here when you parents here, you know and we do have some parents but you know, seriously, I mean, I had when my kids grow up. It's just you know, when you want to marry someone as a good practicing sister, or brother or whatever, handler go for it. No problems. No restriction you're gonna marry today tomorrow. No problem.

01:04:05--> 01:04:08

Seriously, you know, one of my sisters actually married my sister.

01:04:09--> 01:04:14

One of my sisters got married. I got I found out about the marriage. Actually, she got married.

01:04:15--> 01:04:39

Seriously, my brother in law cousin brother came from India on the Wednesday and Thursday 13 hours I was studying in Dalton Barry has young like, good 1015 years ago. And they were discussing on Friday morning about 1011 in the morning. My father was saying he's here. He just came back. You know, should we do the Nikka or not? You know, they're just liberating. And then Joomla aarto, just 1015 years before Joomla. And father decided that we should just do the niqab no problem.

01:04:40--> 01:04:59

They did the Nikana father did that Nikka himself is an imam of the masjid. And there's like a 1015 year 59 years ago. And then afterwards, you know, I think my my other sister or my brother or someone phoned me said, Oh, we just you know, there was just done before I wasn't in and the marriage was done just after tomorrow. So Michelle was good. I'll see if I can come home and then on Friday

01:05:00--> 01:05:03

ring I went home, just you know, for the weekend. And then it goes down.

01:05:05--> 01:05:44

It should be as simple the more we make it difficult, the more the doors of haram, we open up, make it easy. Parents should not impose restrictions. Islam says GAFA suitability tougher means having things in common doesn't mean you have to be from the same caste and from the same background, you know, back home from the same village from the same, you know, street from the same alleyway from the same you know, every you know, it doesn't have to be like that. Maybe Okay, it's good. It's good. Right? It may be good if you do that, maybe you know, but the thing is, Islam says, one point here again, it's like, you know, when two people marry, it's the two people marry another two

01:05:44--> 01:05:47

families marry. That's another point.

01:05:48--> 01:06:26

In our culture is again, the great granddad from here and the great grandma from everybody marries. You have to make everybody happy. Let's just ridiculous some of these things. Just make it easy. You know, don't put conditions on your young children. Easy. You find a good Muslim man or a woman who looks either this is what the messenger Salallahu Alaihe Salam said inlanta farlo I'm not saying this. This is a Hadith of sunnah and remember Tirmidhi inlanta far follow if you do not marry your daughters off to people who have good character that couldn't fit in too early you have a certain ID you'll have widespread destruction and fitna and trials and tribulations and haram in the earth.

01:06:28--> 01:06:59

It's the Hadith of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So remove all these restrictions. Extravagance in expenditure make it simple, simple marriages. You don't have to spend like 1000 Punk you know we we can't get married because you don't have money married you don't you don't need a penny to marry you could have 50 Pence and you can marry seriously you don't need to think of you know the other machine the fact books that discuss it they said you know what? The man needs to have her and used to have enough money to provide his wife for the first month that's it

01:07:00--> 01:07:37

if you've got that much it's just save up like you're gonna get a house a room have a few 100 pounds for one new earn no problem. I'll get money as they come on, come along. I don't have to, you know buy my own property. Like once a this brother from Syria used to be a young brother good brother used to be at the grocery shop. I used to visit him. He used to be so distressed he was in his late 20s or something he really wanted to marry he said he either Indian or you know any like sisters from the West England or somewhere you know, it's just his a Palestinian brother living in Syria. So I said why not marrying is so difficult until I don't have three keys. Nobody nobody will give me

01:07:37--> 01:07:41

the daughter key to a car key to a business and key to a home.

01:07:43--> 01:07:59

It's a problem. You see in the Arab world. This is a problem. Extravagance, excessive amounts of money in the Arab world. That's an Arab culture. It's a disease it's a disease you have to give 10 $15,000 a mile

01:08:00--> 01:08:30

it's you know the messenger signal Rama Rama haka Allah Allah to hollow so Nakata Nisa, beware Do not be extravagant in the MaHA dowry of the women find her no kernen ma chromatin and Allah Who chromatin and the nurse will talk when and Allah if those this was something noble to give large amounts of dowry, and it was good according to Allah then lecan Hola Columbia and the Yukon sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam, the messenger sallallahu alayhi salam would have given the most amount as Mara and dowry but he never gave it.

01:08:31--> 01:08:50

Extravagance in MA cultural thing. That's a condition remove it. And in some cultures, I know some Bengali communities Bangladeshi communities, the woman has to give dowry to them to the man's family. That's that's considered to be a ratio and bribe anything extra. This is a car that this is a fickle ruling.

01:08:51--> 01:09:25

I think in all schools, but definitely the Hanafi school. Anything that is demanded over and above the dowry is absolutely haram and is considered to be bribery, to give it the name ratio, or Rashi well, more atashi Killa Houma dinar, the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says, the giver or the take of the bride, both are in the fire of hell. There's anything over the downy whether the man demanding from the wife or the wife's family or the wife demanding presence or anything, anything over the mother.

01:09:26--> 01:09:55

Once the murder is fixed, this is the dowry and he demands from any side extra is considered to be bribery. Anything expected or demanded somebody wants to you can give no problem you can give gifts. As long as they're not demanded. They can't be part and parcel. They can't be made conditional. Of course you should give gifts you know the gift gifts, but gifts or gifts. You know they're not demanded demand and that's not a gift. That's like paying that's bribe.

01:09:57--> 01:09:59

Sometimes happens to watch somebody like the husband

01:10:00--> 01:10:22

Family demands against your brother. It's, uh, you know, this from the Bangladeshi community says, you know, I'm getting married to this really rich and I'm gonna get a really nice car from my father. As you know, that's, you know, I'm going for that sister because, you know, really rich family. I said why is he giving you their you know culture you know, the father in law make sure it gives you all this in history

01:10:23--> 01:10:26

you know, it's a cultural thing you know, wants to give a gift but it shouldn't be demanded.

01:10:28--> 01:10:34

So, we have all these cultural things in different areas, you know, Maha Maha Fatima Sunnah of the messenger, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

01:10:36--> 01:10:57

This is a matter of Fatima which is cold. So we need to be very careful about this point, make marriage as simple, easy, really simple, as easy and simple as possible. Parents make it easy for your children. And you know, okay, another point the time is very short. Another point to have so many points, but I'm not going to go I'm just going to quickly another point about

01:10:58--> 01:11:07

culture and marriage. forced marriages arranged marriages. I have you know, in this marriage series, I've got a whole discussion on forced marriages and arranged marriages.

01:11:08--> 01:11:12

Islamically there is no place for forced marriages. Absolutely, haram.

01:11:14--> 01:11:16

That's it again, it's cultural.

01:11:17--> 01:11:35

It's cultural. You know, pick up any Hadith book you find Hadith clear Hadith in Sahih of Imam Al Bukhari and Sahih Muslim, and all the fake books from the Shafi Maliki humbly Hanafi schools. You'll find the word Jabba the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, I'll be cruel to start another off enough see her?

01:11:37--> 01:12:20

A non married woman, she will be asked about herself. She'll be consulted, you have to ask a woman whether she wants to marry you or not. She has to give her consent and approval for in a bit further. Julissa Ali, the messenger Salallahu Alaihe Salam says, If she refuses, then you have no say over her. You can't force anyone to marry. It's absolutely haram. It's one oppression parents, you know, there are different ways and I mean, I come across so many situations like this, you know, blackmailing them emotional blackmail. And the mother said, I'm going to kill myself. You don't get married to my you know, Dad's my brother's daughter or my sisters. He's a haram activities, cultural

01:12:20--> 01:12:40

things. I know so many sisters who you know from especially in the Pakistani background, where they have been taken to blow horn and Punjab and they don't know Bashar or wherever passports confiscated and they've been tortured, forced into marry. And their brothers also take part in this force in some like there's one sister I remember three four years ago.

01:12:41--> 01:12:55

I mean, I thought okay, the parents are backward maybe they don't understand the culturally oriented but the brother was like somebody who's got a degree in law or something university educated of UK and he gave her the sister a blue and a black car because you're saying no to get married to cousin brother in Pakistan?

01:12:56--> 01:13:14

Or all the way I mean, how can you even do that? It's got no place in Islam first marriages Absolutely, categorically totally haram and then non Muslim Zilla we should blame our own selves you know what I mean the nonsense the media they have share of blame as well I mean you know they're very clever

01:13:15--> 01:13:19

anything any Muslims do that it'll be a Muslim doing it

01:13:20--> 01:13:31

a Muslim man by the name of this did this Yeah, and if some guy could pull does it don't say a Christian man but you know Paul did that you know it's just a guy in England British guy doing it but for Muslims I'll use the word Islam

01:13:33--> 01:13:35

but we have to take the blame as well.

01:13:36--> 01:13:43

There is no placed place for forced marriages in Islam no place rather is difference between arranged and force

01:13:44--> 01:14:08

we need to explain to these non Muslims as well. There's a difference between arranged arranged is different forced is different arranged marriages are not not forced marriages arranges it's actually good. Right? Arranged marriages are good you know arrange means you have to arrange beforehand you can't just you know, learn you're married you have to arrange it arrange means it's actually better. Arrange means that you your family do the investigation research you know

01:14:10--> 01:14:21

you know, people say love marriages arranged marriage, I tell you something, I have come across more cases of love marriages that that have broken down and less arranged marriages because you know, love marriages they're not love marriage. They're less marriages.

01:14:22--> 01:14:29

What what are they? That's my you know, when you're young, you cannot be in love in pot Seba

01:14:30--> 01:15:00

before marriage, so don't even imagine there's a hadith lambda or lambda or Muslim economy with the exact words of the messenger SallAllahu Sallam lamp Terrell would have been through Nikka marriage, you know, the marriage. That's the love that is created by marriage. You won't see that anywhere. Before marriage is not it's not love. It's impossible. It's just lust. You know, young people, you know, they you know, 18 They must have sex and you know what, I'm gonna give my life for you. I can't spend the rest of my life and then after three years, you think you're mad person

01:15:00--> 01:15:05

and something saying that he's move on. People go through those phases that said, there was only so many times

01:15:06--> 01:15:11

I spend the rest of my life with you. And then after about three, four years, they think, Well, how can I say that when I was a young kid,

01:15:13--> 01:15:15

you shouldn't be doing that, by the way, but

01:15:16--> 01:15:56

it's just a phase you're going through. So love marriages, I've come across, you know, I know like one couple they were, they really wanted to get married, and they would die like the brother and sister would say, I can't even envisage life without you know, I'll die one day without him. I'll die. After about one year of marriage died, my sister got married, she did not even want to see his face ever in his life. That's how she hated will happen in one year. What's happened. So there's no love love marriages is no love stuff. Arranged marriages are good or any means like you're not in love marriages, you're the only one looking at the brother or the potential spouse or the sister.

01:15:57--> 01:16:30

It's only you deciding your mind is clouded anyway, you can't see the true picture. Whereas an array measures your sister, your brother, your father, your mother, everyone's got investigated everything. And you also there's more people, more people looking at something is much better than one person looking. But yes, ultimately, you have the final say, you can't be forced. They say it's good. Or this brother is good. The sisters good. You make the decision. Now, you think about a US taharah. And you make the final decision. So there's a difference between arranged and forced marriages.

01:16:32--> 01:16:38

Another problem in along with this array forced marriages, you know, some communities have this problem of

01:16:41--> 01:16:52

honor killings, again, has nothing I mean, I don't know how people have attributed that Islam, you know, the kill, honor killings, absolutely. Haram, no place for it in Islam,

01:16:53--> 01:17:24

and anger. And then within marriage, there are cultural issues. Learn that. I'm just going to make bullet points learn the facts of the rights and responsibilities of the spouse. Does the daughter in law have to serve the parents in law or not? Do they have to? Are they absolutely responsible? That's within the marriage have talked about it in my course very detail are gonna have time right now. But there are rules, cultural things we have. What does Islam say we need to learn about that. These are just bullet points. Now I'm going to talk about because it's no time

01:17:26--> 01:17:28

separate accommodation.

01:17:29--> 01:18:06

What does Islam say? Does a wife have a right to ask for a separate accommodation, which means that doesn't have to be like 10 miles away, it could be absent next to it could be within the house. But basic requirements within the schools of thought is that she has a separate sleeping area, as well as to separate cooking and a bathroom area. She wants to eat and cook her separate food. And she has the right which the husband has to provide. In this day and age, many scholars actually encouraged that it saves a lot of problems. You know how many times marriages break up because of interference of, you know, the oldest problem in the world and mother in law daughter in law, you know, in those

01:18:06--> 01:18:38

interfering big problem? That's a big issue. You know, how is spoken to so many brothers, we're in the middle, you know, between the mother and the wife. It's like what we call you on the Asad, you know that the bridge. It's no more thin than, you know, the hair and more sharp than the sword. It's just there to fall. One side of the wild other side is the mother in law. What do you do? It's a very well, you have to learn this art. Maybe there are some people who actually good at that you know how to be diplomatic. The only way you will survive there is being diplomatic, you have to be a politician.

01:18:39--> 01:18:50

Really, yeah, of course, we talk a lot, but you have to be very, you have to use a lot of Heckman wisdom and tact, the way you deal with your mother in law and you're never praise your mother in law in front of your wife never praise your wife in front of your mother in law.

01:18:51--> 01:18:53

And if you have the both of them just don't praise anyone.

01:18:55--> 01:19:04

You know, these are, these are things you have to you have to do and that's where the messengers that Allah had, he was telling me said, you know, three times or three areas where you can actually lie as well. Not clear, but you know,

01:19:05--> 01:19:18

xojo as odd because of their relationship, and Islam being a nurse and there's another area as well. So, there are issues within the within marriage. Another issue, which may be a taboo subject for many people, polygamy

01:19:21--> 01:19:43

culturally, I mean this I've done a lot of reading recently, a lot of law research and a lot of reading on this topic. But again, it's a classic example. Allah Subhan Allah Allah in the Quran tells us well not currently meaning ALLAH who minutes is up for the la hora su Amaranta Yaku, local hero to an American. When Allah and His Messenger decide something for you. You don't have no choice in the matter.

01:19:44--> 01:20:00

No choice in the matter. I'm not saying breaking the law, whatever but Islamically for a person to consider this to be a lonely act, right? To consider a man taking on a second wife. Of course there are restrictions there are conditions. There's one extreme where people can

01:20:00--> 01:20:36

He's just God given rise, you know, just married, divorced, married, divorced and take as many as you want without giving them right to rights without either without either without justice. That's inhumane. That's haram. You can't do that when leftover, let it do for Haider. Allah says only one. But Islamically it's a right. It's absolutely permissible. There's nothing whatsoever wrong. We live in communities. This may be a cross, maybe only some Arab cultures are open to this. But across I know the Indian subcontinent like India or Pakistan or Bangladesh. It's like cutting metal COFRA, you know, a man taking on us. I know, like people, there's one shirt we took to get a second wife

01:20:36--> 01:20:38

and he was bombarded like he's committed Zina.

01:20:39--> 01:20:51

They would rather a man commit Zina than marry a second wife. Then one wife actually said, I don't mind my husband can have a girlfriend and have a loaf of Zina with her. But if you can't take on a certain wife,

01:20:52--> 01:21:02

and there's a lot of wisdom, this is a topic on its own, I can talk about in a lot of detail, but I've done a lot of research on this seriously. I mean, we would solve, you know, to the point.

01:21:03--> 01:21:12

You know, there's so much research you have done on this that, you know, to the point, both and you know, the simple solution to simple things on the road.

01:21:14--> 01:21:19

You know, you're you're young teenagers on drugs, one of the solutions is polygamy.

01:21:20--> 01:21:23

You might say, what's the connection? I don't have the time to explain.

01:21:26--> 01:21:29

Seriously, you know, children are impacted.

01:21:30--> 01:21:56

And we're going to tell you, there's so many things, there's no time, but children are impacted the husband, the husband and parents relation. There are so many brothers, who would you know, we would save so many divorces in life. I've spoken to at least 20 brothers who said if we have a choice to keep the first wife and take second wife, I'll never divorce my first wife. I mean, you know what, most people actually doing polygamy anyway, in different ways. They not all Muslims do it anyway. Can you tell me any non Muslim who stayed with one woman

01:21:57--> 01:22:05

in their life, only one woman or only one man, for the rest of the life, especially with men? Only one woman, you would not find anyone right now.

01:22:07--> 01:22:33

It's inhumane. Maybe just for some people, some people can stay. It's in the nature of a unit of a man. Women can't as long as a woman and an assistance may be probably getting really angry at this topic. But some sisters do understand, you know, for a woman if she has a husband, who is caring, considerate, gives her all her right. Looks after she doesn't need anybody else. That's the way Allah has created a woman. She is satisfied. That's it, you know, she is satisfied

01:22:34--> 01:22:51

before a man even if he he has thorough issues, you know, the like, you know, women have children and yeah, it's in the nature for men. And going back to those examples are sighting of these people. It's in the nature. Okay, but you know, you can't you know,

01:22:52--> 01:22:53

anyway, so

01:22:54--> 01:22:56

we will save a lot of divorces as well, a

01:22:57--> 01:22:58

lot of divorces be saved.

01:22:59--> 01:23:10

That's another cultural thing as well. It slipped down to end this point by saying that if someone looks down on the allowance that Islam has given,

01:23:12--> 01:23:16

if someone mocks it, someone looks down upon it. It's actually close to cover.

01:23:18--> 01:23:58

There's no doubt in the fist in the deviancy of that person. Very close to committing gopher. Moving on. Lastly, and finally, there are some cultural aspects in divorce as well. Okay, that's a topic and so on divorce, how nasty they become. Islam says overtone Hello, Allah. Hi, Paula. This is the Hadith in the sunan of Imam Buddhahood. Right. The Senate is not that authentic. You know, it's slightly questionable Senate but the meaning is fine. It's true. It's a permissible activity divorces. We need to understand that one kosher thing is what we what we realize is that divorce is what an unlawful activity it's an evil thing. Islam says no who said divorce is evil.

01:24:00--> 01:24:12

It's permissive and one of the most disliked activities but it is permissible. Now culturally, what do we think? It's bad. Now let me explain this to you know how this has an impact.

01:24:13--> 01:24:19

When you consider the law and divorce to be an evil act,

01:24:21--> 01:24:34

an act of you know, wretchedness and it's an wicked and evil act. Wicked in the truest sense of the word, not the slang sense. It's an evil act you you consider Talaq to be evil act then what happens?

01:24:35--> 01:24:38

What's the natural consequence whenever divorce takes place and what happens?

01:24:40--> 01:24:50

What happens something's you know, something really bad everybody in the community thinks it's a bad thing. Divorce has happened. Islam says Not bad.

01:24:51--> 01:24:56

You know, even the messengers Ebola is married alayhi salatu salam devotes his wife

01:24:58--> 01:24:59

what's what's what's the big

01:25:00--> 01:25:16

Do the messenger salAllahu alayhi salam once contemplated divorcing all his wives, the Illuminati or guna what was goodness? Arahant Jamila, and he did divorce soda Adventism and then took her back. Prophets of divorce. Sahaba have divorced. So what do

01:25:19--> 01:25:50

you need to understand this point? Culturally, it's taboo. Islamically it's not a bad thing. It's dislike you try your best to save marriages. But if it doesn't work out, it's not bad. And you know what? Because we consider it to be bad, what happens? Somebody has to be blamed. It's bad. So somebody has to be blamed. husband and his family. They never blame themselves. It's always the wife's fault, you know, husbands. You know, it's a wife. It was not it wasn't really the wife wife was good. But a mother You know, the mother was she was the bad one.

01:25:52--> 01:26:18

pointing fingers at that everybody. You know, I've seen nasty situations. I know one divorce case where I was the both the husband side and the wife. The wife spoke to me, the husband, the husband's brother, the wife's brother came to me, you know, I said, just move on, you know, just be human beings and move on. Get it? It doesn't matter. They're spreading rumors about us and they're spreading in the community because now you want to get in the community. You have to prove that you are right and they were wrong. If nobody's wrong, both are right then what's the big deal?

01:26:19--> 01:26:24

You can have the greatest ImageNet of the time and Robbie Abbott three of the time and you could have a divorce.

01:26:26--> 01:27:01

No chemistry just didn't mean didn't click there was no Kufa hamdulillah no problem. And that's what Islam says divorce a Takoma return for inCircle member Ruth otter three from the sun even divorce should be with SR excellence depart with excellence you know which on what in what way the husband says to the wife goes and says sorry forgiveness sorry you know it didn't work out. I wasn't good enough for you. May Allah give you a better husband than me who lives there sorry you know me you know I wasn't good enough or you may Allah give you a good wife better wife than Meek handle Allah make you know forgive one another. Move on.

01:27:02--> 01:27:25

That's Islamic divorce. That's what Allah says. Tala with Hassan. It's not a bad thing. Once we consider it to be an evil act. We have to blame someone. husband's family blamed the wife's family the wife's family blamed husband's family both become lifelong enemies. They don't talk until death do them part and then worst case scenario when children are used

01:27:27--> 01:27:29

then we need fathers for justice

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children that's an oppression that's an absolutely haram you know practicing people seriously. I mean, I know practicing people going in Jamar tably and all sorts of activities to dressing like Muslims, you know, niqab hijab, this that and the other so called practicing Yeah, divorce happens Islam is out of the window.

01:27:52--> 01:28:16

Now this is a family the father is doing you know, a practicing family I told them I said, you know, do you realize Islam it's a major hello you're oppressing the child. The child needs the Father as well as the mother Why you using the child as a human shield to get your own back on the husband given what's happened okay with the Father Don't Don't you know deprive the kid from seeing the Father as a major haram

01:28:17--> 01:28:56

and using rights of this country the wife side and the wife don't want his use it oh, I don't want to let him see you know his evil you've made your mind up he's evil He's evil to you. But not doesn't mean that he's a bad father to the kid and in normal normal situations. You can't deprive you can't the visitation rights that our child custody laws in Islam not the the laws of this country that are child custody laws. I have a whole article about the child custody laws there's actually somebody put on the BBC website as well. But child custody laws you have to follow them until the age of seven the boy says or the mother then goes to the Father and the girl until the age

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of nine stays with a mother that goes to the Father. We like it or not these are Islamic rules.

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So divorce do it with axon in the best of ways and there are some other issues but if it turns up so we're going to handle this inshallah could have already heard of stuff Robo some of our salamati that I'm printed right earlier.