Cherishing Parents – Embracing the Essence of Parental Respect
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Channel: Mohammed Faqih
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AI Generated Summary ©
The importance of honoring and protecting parents' emotions is emphasized in conversations. The need for parents to show their devotion and not offend them is emphasized. The importance of honesty and practice of humility in one's life is emphasized. The speaker provides five ways to improve parents' relationships, including praying for them and offering compassionate behavior to them. The importance of balance and mental health is emphasized, along with the release of a new film called A Beautiful Minds about mental health. The benefits of working out and physical engagement in helping people live their lives are also discussed.AI Generated Transcript ©
said I want to hear what I have to tell you about a cattle Smilla hamdu lillah wa salatu salam ala Rasulillah Salam Allahu alayhi wa sallam, it's quite an honor to be here.
In, in this beautiful gathering May Allah subhanaw taala reward you. Thank you for joining us tonight to listen to what I have to say about this particular very important topic, I'm so flattered and
honored to be presented by shareholders, but Sunni May Allah Subhana Allah bless him, who is not only a friend, but a mentor for all of us, may Allah subhanaw taala
bless his effort and accept his deeds, and bless his family and his entire community, I mean, out of anatomy
Well, this topic was chosen, I have to tell you, when I was asked to talk about this, it was based on a session that I did a little more than 15 years ago, actually, almost 18 years ago.
And when preparing for that session,
it actually helped me tremendously
with regards to my
relationship with my own parents,
and my relationship with my own parents, I think for the most part was was a very good relationship. I don't know, you know, I love my parents, you know, I think I was a decent child, especially when I compare myself to other people.
But it was very helpful to actually delve into the topic itself, and research it. Look at what Allah azza wa jal said in the Quran, what my lord, my Creator said about, about this particular issue and what you know how important it is, that I need to pay attention to it. So it helped, you know, to help me understand and I wish, I wish I had done that,
sooner, prior to that.
And then somehow, after I taught this class a few times,
I during that time,
ended up losing my father, may Allah subhana, Allah have mercy on him.
Which actually made me even, you know, realize that, you know, the value of a parent, and, and it's helped improve also my dutifulness or my
devotion, and my humility with my pet with my mother, may Allah subhanaw taala, bless her and honor her
and extend her life, in His pleasure. And for Allah subhanho to Allah's pleasure.
So the session, especially the one that I held after my father passed away, it left a good impact on a lot of people. So some of the some of the
individuals that attended they said they requested this particular topic, and they said, listen, there are a lot of people that didn't hear that talk from you. Can you give that same talk again, obviously, that talk is outdated.
It's from 18 years ago.
But the topic itself is not outdated.
And I see that there is there is a gap. There's there's a distance between
the way we saw our parents and the way our own children see us. That's number one. Number two,
it feels more awkward to me right now to talk about this topic. Because when I first researched this, when I first really started to talk about this topic, I was looking at it from the point of view of the child.
I wanted to know what Allah azza wa jal expects, or wants from me with regards to my own parents.
What the Prophet sallallaahu Selim taught me,
you know, with regards to treating my parents, my own parents, so that was my real motive, so that I can actually pass that message to my students, to my peers, even to my siblings.
And I am the youngest of my siblings. I'm the youngest one. And I had opportunities to actually share some of my findings and what I'm really passionate about,
including my own siblings. Now it feels awkward because I know my own children are going to be watching this.
And I am at the receiving end, right now. I'm a beneficiary of this. Right? So my motive can be questioned
by my children,
by my nephews and nieces.
by the young crowd that we have here present. And that is why I want to actually call you to really consider the following. I'm not here to tell you how to treat us or to treat your parents because they put me up to it.
My concern is not them receiving your love and respect and devotion and you the best the best treatment you can offer them. My concern genuinely is you
your status, your place with Allah subhanho wa taala. So I want you to hear me with your hearts first before you hear me with your ears, especially your analytical
ears, do not over analyze some of the things that I'm going to say in the show and I'm hoping Inshallah, in the session that we have with the youth inshallah later that we can have an honest,
open discussion, issue, Allahu Allah, and dialogue that can go back and forth. And I'll be with you in Sharla for as long as you want me to be shallow. But I want you to let you to have to really listen to what I have to say because I'm gonna base it on the fact that Allah azza wa jal mentions the rights of the parents how parents should be treated, or they should be respected and appreciated in the Quran.
And what you'll find very interesting is that the Quran mentions this in multiple places. Now, when it comes to the treatment of children. The Quran is very general, and it's very specific about one particular practice that was common in Arabia back then, which is emphasized, which is basically,
you know, killing a child out of fear of poverty. It wasn't that common, but it was a practice that was present in Arabia, in the Quran, head on, tackled it, spoke about it, and brought an end to it or, you know, abolished it, Allah Subhana Allah forbade parents from taking their own children's lives.
Now, even those who did this, in that, you know, society that was plagued with ignorance,
and paganism and idolatry, their motive was what,
obviously, is from the, you know, from the deception of shaytaan. The motive of these parents that used to kill their children was because they feared for them. In many of these cases, they fear that their children may be taken hostages or taking as prisoners and being slaved. Some of them feared poverty for their children, how am I supposed to feed them? How am I supposed to take care of them? So they were thinking, okay, so Allah Azza just said, do not do that. For providing for them, and caring for them is really in the hands of Allah subhanaw taala and if you're afraid that you may not be able to take care of them, don't worry, Allah will take care of you and then in another place,
Allah Subhana Allah, Allah says, Allah will take care of them first and then he will take care of you as well.
Whether you fear poverty for them, or do you fear it for yourself, Allah will take care of all of you. So do not do that. And Allah subhanaw taala in the Met can revelation Allah spoke about the revelation came down to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and Allah issued the Quran issues a very stern
warning
and threat to those who do these kinds of things. Allah subhanaw taala says we're either you know, that will suit you like to be a human being kottelat Speaking about the Day of Judgment, when Allah azza wa jal says, the female baby that was killed in its infancy, will be asked on the day of judgment by Allah azza wa jal for what crime it was killed.
Now other than that, you don't find much in the Quran, you'll find plenty in the Hadith about how parents are supposed to cherish their children and treat them and how they should not abuse them and how should they should pray for them, how they should not insult them or curse them. This is all in the Hadith treatment of the children and how girls is specifically the province that puts a lot of emphasis on how to honor and cherish the girls and you know, take care of them and raise them upon you know, the teachings of Allah subhanho wa taala. So that we find in the Hadith in the Quran doesn't say much about that. Now, what the Quran talks about is how children are supposed to honor
their parents.
That's what the Quran puts emphasis on a lot. Perhaps one of the reasons is because it's natural for parents to really care for their children, any decent parent will naturally have that inclination towards caring for their children and providing for them and protecting them.
A day you know,
those of us whom Allah azza wa jal blessed with children, you know that
If you would, you would, you would actually give up your life, you know, to protect and to defend your child.
So, so no one is going to love you. No one loved me
after Allah subhanaw taala no one is going to love you more than your own parents.
And they're gonna love you more than themselves.
That's why the Quran says you need to appreciate this.
That even sometimes when they do certain things, it's coming from a place of love. And maybe
you know, many of them may not know any better than the way they you know.
And many of us, you know, it takes it takes it takes a while it takes some time and dedication and effort and really training for us to get it right as parents, and sometimes we don't get it right. So what are the rights of the parents? What does Allah subhanaw taala say about it? The interesting part in the Quran is very often in multiple places in the Quran, when Allah azza wa jal mentions, how we should be kind or devoted to our parents is usually mentioned right after Allah Subhana. Allah is right. So in one place in Surah Surah Allah subhanaw taala says, Welcome to our Buddha, your Lord has decreed. Allah Subhana Allah is a supreme being. He has a dominion to Allah subhanaw
taala we belong Allah, our Lord in our Creator, to whom we belong. He says we're coverup Buddha, Allah Tibo Illa you Lord, oh Mohamed has decreed that you worship none but Him.
That's the decree from Allah. So number one decree is what you worship none but Allah subhanaw taala. But that's not our topic today.
What comes next, oh, Allah will validate near Santa immediately after mentioning that before even mentioning the rights of the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam, or how you should be or you know, before other acts of worship, Allah subhanho wa Taala talks about will be well, he didn't hear Santa.
To show a sad to your parents, Sam is to excel
in your devotion, and your obedience in your kind and respectful treatment of your parents to accept,
not to just, you know, to like them, or to approve of them. That's not up to you. It's not we're not looking Allah subhanaw taala is not asking you to approve of them. Because I can I can, I have to tell you one thing.
You do not we do not get to approve of our parents, we do not get to do that. Because to begin with, we have no choice. When it comes to parents, the set of individuals that Allah subhanaw taala chose for you to come through to this life to come through them. The ones that ALLAH SubhanA, Allah made the direct cause of your existence, Allah subhanaw taala chosen for you. So they're chosen by Allah azza wa jal, they could be a blessing in your life, or they could be a big harsh test. Nonetheless, it's from ALLAH SubhanA that
not the fact that they're acting the way they're acting, but the individuals themselves. You see, none of us filled out an application and said, I would like to have these kinds of pairs. You don't get to do that right. Now, maybe now with all the genetic
the technology and the genetics, maybe parents now can alter or can choose what you know some of the genetic
qualities of their children, right? Yeah, maybe now.
But do you as as as a child, do you have the ability or the privilege or the
you know, the capacity to choose your parents now.
Allah chooses him for you.
And they become your parents, you come to this life and this, you know that these are your parents. So ALLAH SubhanA, Allah says, well, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, I will do it in that year, and will be invalidated Salah and that you excel in your treatment, and your obedience and your kindness and your care and your devotion for your parents. And there are different different levels of devotion and obedience that you owe your parents.
But even the least level of devotion that you owe your parents that is not unfortunately observed or understood by many people.
So Allah subhanaw taala says, regardless of who your parents are, they deserve your SN.
They deserve your assent. Your excellent treatment.
This is what Allah Subhana Allah says won't be due at a daycare center in another surah Allah Subhana Allah says what we're saying is that we have enjoined upon men human being man or woman right?
It was finally in Santa bydd.
With regards to his parents, then Allah subhanaw taala speaks about the mother.
The prophets in another place Allah subhanaw taala
says that we are supposed to, again, a sad is mentioned. So you will find this word coming up every time Allah subhanaw taala talks about parents that you have to do and as sad as that is, again to excel and whatever you're supposed to do for your parents to do it at the best level.
So now the Prophet salallahu alayhi salam comes and reinforces this and he gives us more details as to what we owe our parents there is actually one particular major point also that the Quran actually addresses. So now, so the Prophet sallallahu Sallam comes and tells us, you know, how we should honor our parents how we should love them, we should obey them, as long as you know, whatever they're asking us to do is not offensive to Allah subhanaw taala
and the Quran comes and shed some light on the most in the greatest on the greatest offense that one can commit. Now what is the greatest crime or offense a person may commit in this life in the eyes of Allah Azza if I may ask, What do you think is the worst thing that as a human being you can do?
Should Allah Subhan Allah in the short global MonaVie and Allah azza wa jal says Welcome to our Buka Allah Abdullah Yeah, Allah Subhana Allah decrees that you worship none but em, meaning associating partners with Allah subhanaw taala is a big no, no, you're not supposed to do that.
Now fast forward to sort of look man and Superman, Allah Subhana Allah, Allah says, if your parents
if your parents
try to coerce you or force you, pressure you
were in Jahad DACA if you're both of them, not only one of them, both of them, they conspire. Wayne Jahad aka if they both if they declare Jihad if they declare if they if they exert all of their efforts, physically, emotionally, in every way possible, to force you and to pressure you, Allah and tertiary care be to associate with me who's speaking here. Not me, not the Prophet Allah. Allah says, if your parents try to force you coerce you, or pressure you to worship someone else beside me, and I appreciate it can be Malissa can be here.
Then, what should you do?
Then if they if they commit that if they try to cause you to commit the greatest offense against Allah azza wa jal and worship someone else besides Allah azza wa jal then has an open game, right? You can go you know, get back at them, fight them know, the Quran, Allah subhanaw taala says, Even then,
Fela Tutankhamun simply do not obey them. don't obey them,
brush it off, ignore it.
Don't do it. Well saw Him whom if you do need a roofer, you still have to show kind treatment to them, you still have to be kind to them, as kind as you can be. What so I had all my 15 year model for whatever sub 11 and I barely and follow those who adhere and devote themselves to Allah subhanaw taala, don't obey them. But do not offend them. don't obey them, Do not abuse them. don't obey them, and don't fight with them.
Still show them the devotion or the kind treatment that they deserve, you still have to be able to do that.
So any other offense that they make commit against you,
in my opinion,
is less than that.
And does not give anyone the right to actually abuse
or neglect their duty towards their parents. This is what Allah Subhana Allah says. Now the Prophet salallahu alayhi salam further tells us that of the major sins is to actually abuse one's parents.
Another Hadith that terrifies me this hadith terrifies me, and it should terrify anyone who is pursuing Jannah anyone that wants to make it to gender should be terrified by this hadith or any similar Hadith. In that hadith the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam tells us that of the things that disqualify a person from entering Jannah is what is known in our Sharia as opened validate,
to offend or abuse once one's parents to offend your own parents will prevent will actually block that person would disqualify that person from
to engender
now, okay, so someone might say, Okay, what constitutes a book that? What is your book? Because, you know, And subhanAllah, when you look at in the stories when you look into the the, the, in our, into our literature, our classical literature into what sort of scars considered to be a hawk, like you will be really shocked.
It's like, some of the things that some of the greatest scholars and the greatest people that our history used to consider to be a kook nowadays. Some parents find it to be something cool.
Parents themselves are okay with it. They're like they, they would they would love for their kids to treat them like that. Now, I'll give you an example. I'll give you an example. Don't Don't be any. Because I'm not here. You know. And I know that they're, you know, we have to be, you know, we have to put this in its proper cultural context and all of that. But I'll tell you one thing. I remember.
One time I saw
a young man with an older man. So two men, one is younger, one is older.
And the younger man was walking in front of this man. So the young young man, dude. So from California.
The young boy was walking in front of this older man is walking in front of him. He's
about airsoft. And he said, Hey, man, it's like, Hey, yo,
who's this person that you're walking with?
The person that you are in the company of Huzi. So that's my father. That's just my father.
He said, Okay. From now on, young man.
Right? When you walk with your father, don't ever walk in front of him. Always walk beside Him unless He wants you to walk next to walk behind them.
And never ever call him by his name. First Name.
Right? Never colonized them. And if you arrive to a place, don't ever sit before him, unless he gives you permission, he tells you to say don't ever sit before him.
This is this is the standard.
You hear me? Don't walk in front of him
Don't call him by his name. You should always say Father, you know, I'd be you know, whatever. I will finance hedge you know, whatever you know is within your
and do not sit before him. That's what I've already said. This is the standard.
Some of the people they said Zayn and Aberdeen I leave it on her saying he would refrain from making eye contact with his mother meaning like, you know, look her in the eyes like you know, stare, stare at her. Like he will make eye contact just just to let her know that he's listening. But he was always humble himself before her.
And I will tell you where that came from. I'll tell you where that spirit came from. Are we talking about someone of very, very high status. St. Augustine was the great grandson of the prophets Allah Allah they said that one of the best people of his time one of the best best scholars of his time.
And in front of his mother, they said he was like an obedient
and reports say that his mother was an ex slave she was a free to slave.
So this is what they they were like with their parents. Now Allah subhanaw taala in the Quran gives us
gives us
you know, warns us about something that is that is very common, but the scholar said that is the least level of offense, you can commit against your parents and even that is what haram
even that is haram. Anything above that will be major sin.
Now let's listen to this. I want you all to listen to this.
What is Allah subhana Tada says in May below one Deckel ki Baraha Houma Akela uma Emera below one in decadal Kibera I had a woman ocular OMA if one or both of them reach an old age, if you're lucky enough that your parents reach their old age their senior year.
When they become, you know, senile and they become very, you know, they're very old and they become dependent on you. When they become that, that you know of that old age. Right.
Falletta Kula whom
I have, make sure that you do not say to them even at that age, make sure that you do not say
of is like when you're like frustrated. And Allah specifically mentioned that when they reach that age because it's very difficult.
Those who have elderly parents, you know, it's very difficult. It's not an easy thing. It's not an easy task. Jana is not easy. The pastor Jana is not easy. Allah told us that in the Quran. So did the Prophet salallahu alayhi salam, we find that in our tradition, you want Jana there are some people who pay with their lives,
fighting on behalf of them,
standing their ground,
making ultimate, you know, making all kinds of sacrifices for days and weeks and years.
You will have to deal with your parents.
And do not underestimate this because that is in and of itself. By the way. That's a form of struggle. Struggle. It's not easy. Nobody said this easy. See, a young man came to the province I was setting up very, you know, he heard the province of Salem was preparing to go on an expedition to defend the Muslim territory from an invading army that came they want to kill Mr. Muslim. So this young man comes says I want to fight I want to fight for you messenger of Allah and for Allah azza wa jal, I want to fight. I'm ready to sacrifice this young man comes the province of SLM knows that he knew that he had parents, he said, What about your parents? Don't you have two older elderly
parents that you're caring? For? He said, Yes. He said, Go be at their feet, serving them. This is a metaphor to be at their service and humble yourself for thermal. Jana. That's where you're going to find Jana. If you're here pursuing Jana. You don't need to go to the
to the, you know, fronts to the northern areas where
you don't you don't need to do that. You want Jana? If you are. If you're a sincere seeker of Jana, you have a great opportunity at your disposal. Your parents are there go at it be at their feet for Samel Jana, that's where you know, you know, a week, or fabricated Hadith was made off.
The agenda is beneath the feet of the mothers, the promises, I'm sorry, your parents are there at their feet, you're going to find the key or the path or the gate to Jana.
So it's not easy. It's not easy. Nobody's saying is easy. So Allah Subhana Allah says when they're that age, when they're most vulnerable and dependent on you. And also when they start having less control over their emotions and their reactions, they become easily agitated and grumpy and all of that. Make sure that by then you have reached a level of maturity. You have trained you have brought yourself to be very tolerant and very kind and nice to them, where you do not express frustration.
Especially to their face. You do not say
or roll your eyes or go like Oh my god, I can't take this. This is too much. Okay, don't do that.
When I can have humor and do not scold them.
Don't don't use any mean language or expressions with the Latin humor and instead what hula hula? Oh, landcare Karima say something honorable to them. Make sure that your response to them is something very honorable and kind of cold and creamy. And then on top of that Allah says, was filled Lahoma Jana has fully mineral Rama, lower the wing of mercy. This is a metaphor again to say humble and devote yourself, bring yourself down, it takes great level of humility. And by the way, people who have self respect, they know how to practice humility. People who are confident people who are confident and mature, they will not have any issue humbling themselves. Humility is I found this
from just experience from the people that I am inspired by and that I admire. These people are not easily the most humble, the greatest of people the greatest of shoe colleagues, some who are younger than me, some who are older than me, my teachers, my, my, you know, mentors and people that I find inspiring, I find that those of them who are most confident, most knowledgeable.
And practice what they preach are the ones who are capable of being very humble and down to earth.
sign of maturity. So when you reach that level of spiritual and emotional maturity, and you understand what Allah subhanaw taala is telling you, you become very, you can easily Humble yourself before your parents. It's just like, like when you have professionals who provide care for the elderly or for children, and they are well trained. They're on top of their game. They're well trained, they know how to handle a volatile situation.
or whenever there's tension, they know how to handle their patients or their, you know, whoever they're providing care for. They know how to handle them professionally, beautifully. And we're so proud of these people. They know how to defuse a situation or people who are, you know, who, you know, do. You know mental health practitioners, they know because they're well trained, they're mature, they're well trained, they're on top of their game. They're very confident and capable. So these people, they don't have to handle that situation. You find Subhanallah you know, whoever Allah azza wa jal blessed with children who are mature, who are confident, who are strong, that they
Subhanallah they reach this level where they can practice this is, no matter what their parents do, they're like, Okay, no problem, that mom, whatever.
whatnot. And now the scholar said, if this level of offense is haram, then anything above that is a major sin, insulting them calling them names. I mean, that alone, I cannot imagine I cannot even fathom, I cannot imagine someone getting physical with their parents.
To me, there's nothing on the face of this planet. That offends me more than to see a Muslim man or a Muslim woman, especially people who are supposed to be practicing, being mean or, or, or being disrespectful to their parents, especially if they do it in public. And may Allah subhanaw taala help you if this takes place in front of me, I am not going to let it slide.
I don't let it go. If I see someone disrespecting their parents in front of me, this is this is really a very sensitive spot for me, I lose it, I tell you,
there are certain things that I just have very, another thing that I'm very intolerant of is a man abusing a woman, no matter who she is, like if, if it's his wife makes it even worse. Like physically, thus thus. i
So How How could you? Allah Subhana Allah Allah in the Quran said Be thankful to me show gratitude to me when he when a date, and each quarter Lee when you validate, be thankful or show gratitude to me and to your parents.
Someone might say what if my parents are not that loved one of my parents didn't do this for me, they didn't do that. It's unconditional.
You should be grateful or
thankful for whatever they did whatever they didn't do, there are other ways to handle we can talk about that. As I said, we can discuss that later.
So this is what the Quran is telling me.
And this is what the prophets are selling reinforce in the Hadith.
And I time will come and I've seen it time. And again, I've seen it so many times, by the way, a time will come. And I've seen people kiss the feet of their
parents, or kiss the lifeless feet of their parents after their parents is that they're kissing their feet, forgive me, sorry, I should have taken care of you, I should have spent more time I should have been there. They do that when it's too late.
It's too late. Do it when is when it counts the most. They did, especially if you don't you know, I tell you everybody is going to be remorseful. If this is how remorse will be people become in this life. Imagine how remorseful they're going to be on the Day of Judgment.
Especially if their parents have a legitimate case against them. So this is why I feel like this is a message that needs to reach as many people as possible, Do not offend your parents. Out of all the offenses from what I know, out of all the sins and the offenses. The one offense that I see people really being punished for in this life before the hereafter is offending their parents.
That Baraka disappears from your life.
If you intentionally hurt, abuse, or neglect your parents, so be very careful. I'll conclude with a story, a story that really shook me when I first came upon it.
Very, very scary story. And that story
is the story of a man that that was worshipping.
Allah Subhanallah he was known for his devotion, his his name, the prophet is on a mission is this this story in the context of the Hadith, where he talks about three infants, three infants, three people, three individuals that have spoken their infancy? What we know is that all three were baby boys.
Lisa is one of them. Right? You all know something about him? He spoke in his infancy. Like imagine a baby. One day two day old like 24 hour one week old baby speaking.
So the Prophet sallallahu sallam said three spoke in their infancy. One of them has to do with a story of a man by the name of George H Yura you us from Beirut, Israel, from before the time of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. He was a monk, a worshipper as someone who worked devoted himself to worship Allah Subhana Allah
I want to add someone whose entire life is devoted for worship. And he all he does is pray fast, pray fast. Do the Quran, Allah subhanaw taala read the Scripture. That's what he did.
And he lived close to his mother next to his mother. And he would, you know, take care of his mother and all that. One day he was in the middle of his prayer, a voluntary prayer. He was doing voluntary prayer. He's praying. And then his mother calls him
his mother what called and she yelled, his name your age. I need you for something.
The Prophet sallallahu sallam said JIRA. He had a little like, personal dilemma. He said to himself, Robbie, my lord, which comes first What do I what do i What do I do my prayer or my mother? Who should I respond? Should I respond to my mother or should I stick to my prayer? This is what he said. Julie's
Yeah, I saw it she had come out can take care of it easily.
It's just a little cute. Texan insect,
isn't it? What is it?
What is it?
Cricket? Oh, crickets are so cute. You better be used to them because you're going to see them on the roof of the home if you go to Mecca.
You know, it's just I think it's enjoying the session. That's why.
You know, if you get closer to it, it will actually run away from you. Did you know that? We'll jump away?
Yeah.
So we were saying that Jura each his mother calls him she yells his name. Julian says Oh my Lord, I'm praying. It's my salah.
And then you want me to come and take care of it?
Oh,
no, no, don't kill it. Don't Don't Don't Don't
someone call chef command. Don't kill it. Don't kill it. No, no, please don't kill it
just put a cup on top of it. And help it outside
is it that
this is why I get scared to come to Texas.
You guys have zero tolerance for
invaders, from foreigners. And
you guys don't like anyone to cross your borders D.
Boy
so we were talking, we're talking about the story of euro euro, which
was a worshipper from Brno is right in. His mother calls him one day while he was in prayer. So he said, Lord, do I respond to my mother? I mean, this is his self. Like, this is what he's thinking. He's having this little moment. Conversation. He's like, I'm praying. I started a prayer. But my mother is calling me what am I supposed to do?
So he doesn't respond to her. She calls him again. He doesn't respond. She calls him again. He doesn't respond. Then his mother was very frustrated and upset. And she
she made against him. She She's She. She was upset. And her in that moment of frustration, she she she cursed him. She says, Oh Allah teach him a lesson in his life. Now, it wasn't even a bad, bad curse. She said to all lot. Yeah, yeah, I'm just really rephrasing what she said, I don't want to. I don't want to be very detail. But she said, Oh, Allah, learn to teach him or let him learn a big lesson in his life. Let him get in trouble for this for what he's doing to me right now. Allowing him what she may have been in distressed, maybe she wasn't distressed. She called him three times. Now we know you guys didn't have that knowledge. Maybe we know from this hadith and from what the
provinces have taught us, that if you're doing something voluntary, even if it's a bad, even if it's Allah, even if it's reading a Quran and your parents call you, you're supposed to what? To respond to your parents, because responding to your parents is an obligation. Whatever you're doing is voluntary work is nothing or a sunnah. And the obligation comes before what?
Before before this? And it appears from the narration that God did not go afterwards and apologize to her and explain to her what happened. He just let it go. Because, you know, she stopped calling him she gave up on him coming. So euro is never redeemed himself or apologize to her about it. He forgot about it. He didn't think it was a big deal. He thought he did the right thing.
Time goes by and Darius finds himself in the worst predicament of his life
where he was accused
of committing an act of
fashion.
He was where basically a woman came and accused him.
Of the only you can think of, of rape.
She accused him, she was someone put her up to it. She accused him of rape. And to prove that he was the one that raped her. She actually brought a child. She said, I got pregnant with his child. And this is your age. Juries raped me. He is not this devoted this sincere
worshiper that that that he makes himself to appear to be.
He's an imposter. He's a fake, you know. So the people of his village bento is right here. We're very strict with these things. They went to his
to his
what is it called HUD.
He had a little humble huts that he built. They went to his heart. They burnt it, destroyed it, and they dragged him out of it. And they were going to kill him. And when he asked, What are you doing this?
For? What did I do? They confronted him with that. They said this woman and this child is yours in this. She accused you of saying this. And this is this is evidence. Now it's his word against her word.
She has a child and why was she like?
Do you remember what?
what his mother said? Because he overheard her he heard his mother say that. Then he remembered that. And he never apologized, he never did anything. And now he finds himself in the worst predicament of his life. Because one, his reputation is colorless. It's completely ruined to they're accusing him of this, and they destroyed his monastery, and his little, you know, hot. And on top of that, he is facing what?
Death. They're about to stone him to death. So instead, let me just pray before you do anything. Let me pray. He prayed and then he made dua to Allah subhanaw taala to prove his innocence. And he apologized to Allah and asked Allah for forgiveness for what he did to his mother years prior to this.
And that's when Allah azza wa jal made that baby speak.
To everyone's
amazement, everyone was shocked. He said, Darius is innocent. gerade is not my father, my father with whom his mother did this is the shepherd.
And they were all shocked when they saw this miracle happened in front of them. And they realize that your raises is a sincere Matt. He's just someone that made a mistake. Allah subhanaw taala taught him a lesson because of that mistake that he made. And they came to him apologizing and crying, and they said, we're going to rebuild your heart or your monastery, we're going to build it out of gold for you. You deserve that we're gonna celebrate you. And then he told him, No, I don't want that. I don't want anything fancy. Just put it back together the way it was.
I said,
the sahaba. The Prophet said, I'm taught the sahaba. This lesson, the sahaba. Upon hearing this lesson, they were all they all realize that we cannot mess with our parents, especially our mothers, especially mothers. And when one companion came to the Prophet, and he asked him, he said, Messenger of Allah, who deserves the best of my treatment. He said, your mother, he said, Who who comes next, he said, your mother who comes next to your mother who comes next, he said to your father. That's it case close.
So from this story, they learned that we're not going to mess with our mothers and one companion in particular, it got to the point where if his elderly mother said something to him, and you know, sometimes elderly people, they're not clear, you don't know. If she says something to him, he would not make her repeat herself.
He will pretend like he understood what she said. And then once once she leaves the room, he will ask everyone else what does he asked me to do?
That's because he doesn't want to tell it. He doesn't want to ask his mother. What did you say?
This is how, how careful he was. Probably Allahu Allah. And Allah has granted him genital further dose because of that this particular young companion, while the Allahu Anhu was later killed all the alot.
This is this is this is what we're being taught. Now, who usually gets the worst of our treatment. Who do we take for granted? The most? Our mothers, why? Because we know what the heart of the mother is made of. We know that no matter what we do, our mothers love us unconditionally. They will still be there for us. They're not going to, you know, unfortunately, and I find that to be despicable to be honest with you. And then I regret anything that even as a child, anything that I did, when I was immature and all of that
because if anything, the one that deserves your Rama, that most of your compassion and Rama and respect and kind treatment is this person that devotes herself you know, that will do anything that will die that will that would gladly give up her organs to save your life.
For Speaking of which, I will conclude with this with this poetry. I know, sir, Mr. Asuka is Jamar wants me to actually share this one thing that that really, you know, deliver this particular concept made me understand and appreciate the love of my own mother. And really mothers and motherhood should be celebrated. Motherhood is sacred. One thing that that made me appreciate this
is a story. It's a poetry. It's imaginary story, basically a poet's talks about this. You know, again, it's fictitious, it's not real. So as graphic as it may be, it's just the idea was to show what the heart of the mother is made of. So he Long story short, in his poetry, he says, I'm Ron Yeoman with lemon Jahannam vino od he came my NLRB can walk off. He says that a vicious man with an with an agenda. Fooled a young, ignorant boy.
With money,
said I will give you a lot of money. All that teeny. Before I do, make a fatter wallet tell Johar would draw him or Dora. He said to him young man, bring me the heart of your mother.
And I will give you
jewelry and gems and gold and silver I will shower you with with wealth I will make you the wealthiest. I just need the heart of your mother. I
guess harvesting organs of innocent people is not just something that is common.
And
so he wanted the heart of the mother.
This fool goes goes to the to the woman that raised Him that gave birth to him. He goes, takes with him a dagger stabs his mother cuts her chest open, takes the heart so that he can deliver it to that man so that he can claim his reward from Allah. Well Roger Cringer on facade rehab, while callback Raja who had had an ESA
and then he started running to deliver this heart to the man so that he can what claim the money
like in the home in 40 sorority Howard Latina home in 40 sorority he Howard for today hello John cannonball Macaca.
But because he was running and he was nervous, he trips he falls down.
The heart of his mother rolls out of his hand gets mixed with the dirt.
Now that who would own me Well, who am I following? Well, I did heavy we had a Saba cannon barrel.
The heart of the mother spoke to him said, My beloved Son, I hope you're not hurt.
My beloved Son, I hope you're not hurt.
Upon seeing that the heart actually spoke to him from the gravity of the crime that he committed
to Canada, salt, Rama, who he luggable Santa Fe, and everybody there.
Though that voice was so soft and kind and loving, he felt like it was
a thunder.
It was the Wrath of Allah coming down upon him. So he got up and he started crying, washing the heart with his own tears, apologizing to his mother and begging the heart to forgive him and said, Oh, loving heart of my mother, forgive me for what I have done. I have indeed committed a very heinous crime. I shall punish myself for what I did to you or mother, he grabs the dagger wants to stab himself
and do to his own chest what he did to his mother, Nadal who called bull on me. cafe that was a tough one for Eddie Murata in the heart of the mother calls him again and said no, don't do that. My beloved Son, do not stab my heart twice.
Don't kill me twice.
This is what the heart of the mother is made up.
For that they deserve our utmost respect and love our unconditional love and serve to do it, and service and care
and devotion.
So if you can't afford not to ever displease your mother, and always to please her, or your father, do it, don't hesitate.
Time is really limited, a time will come where you would hope to get them back.
And you would give up anything that you have for it and that won't be happened.
There are only our parents in this life and the hereafter. Allah subhanaw taala says the only affordable model I mean that he won't be he will be on the Day of Judgment, people are going to be running from each other.
They're going to be running from each other. They're trying, they're going to try to avoid each other on the Day of Judgment. Celebrate your parents, enjoy their presence, enjoy their blessings in this life while you have access to it before it's too late. Ask Allah subhanaw taala to make you and I have those who listen and follow the rest of where they listened to if anyone has any question or comment
okay, we'll give it maybe eight minutes before
we proceed inshallah Tada anyone?
QUESTION
Yeah, I urge you to Chautala if you had, if you if you feel moved by any of this, I urge you really to reconcile with your parents and start a new chapter with them. That's number one. Number two, I urge you, I urge you to actually continue to communicate and reconnect with your parents on on a regular basis.
And there are a lot of actually books and resources out there that can help a child with either an individual improve their relationship with their parents, especially if that's not the case to begin with. You know, sometimes people find it very awkward and difficult. I know. I remember one. One, a student of mine came to me, he said, My mother is freaking out. I said, why? He said because after I tend to do your session, I all of a sudden became very obedient.
I said, Okay, what's wrong with that? He said, My mother is shocked. She thinks that there is something wrong with me.
I said, you know, how come he said, because now when she asked me anything, I said, Yes. How the? Yes. How do you know? I'm like, I don't I don't argue with her. And she thinks maybe, maybe something. She's like, are you okay? Are you dying? Is this what happened to you? And I remember that one particular parent asked their child, that student of mine, they asked to come and speak to me or see me because they're like, What did you do to my son? I didn't do anything I just shared with them. What Allah said and what the Prophet said and said, he's like that person who is a changed person. I remember one young man that came to me, he said, Jeff, remember that story that
you told us about a guy that would not ask his mother to repeat herself? I said, Yes. He said, I tried to practice that. But it didn't, it backfired. I said, why? He said, Because my mother comes to me, sometimes I'm not paying attention. And you know, young men, guys, you know, like, we have very hard time listening, and paying attention. Something has to be repeated multiple times to us. Right? As men, ladies, by the way, those of you who are married, it's natural for your husband, you have to repeat like their mother, like our mothers had to do that multiple times. So we just
so he's like, you know how, like, you know, he said that I said, Yeah, so he said, My mom comes to me, and she says, do something and then I wasn't paying attention. I didn't realize what I didn't fully like, you know, hear her. But now I don't want to go and ask her. What did you say to repeat, because I didn't want her to repeat herself. So I said, so what happened? He said, well, that first time she came, and she told me to do something, I forgot what it was. So I went in, I started vacuuming.
I said, then what happened? He said, she came to me. She's like, What are you doing? Like I'm vacuuming? Look why? That's when I realized that she didn't ask me to vacuum. So I went and I you know, so I stopped vacuuming and I went and I did the dishes.
helped her with the dishes. And she came she's like, What are you doing? She's like, I'm doing the dishes.
He's like, why? He's like, Oh, nevermind, I just wanted to help. So I realized that that's not what she asked. So I went outside and I started mowing the lawn.
This guy did everything possible around the house just to figure out what his mother
was asking him to do.
And then it turns out that, you know, she asked him whether he did his homework or not something I forgot. It had nothing to do with it. So I said good, good for you. If
so, try to rebuild and repair the relationship.
Right? Do do do your best, but you really have to be consistent. You have to be determined. You have
To be hopeful, you have to be respectful, and you have to be devoted. It's worth it. And you're going to appreciate this, and it's going to inshallah come in handy later, especially, especially those young people who don't have children, when you have children, it's one of the most important thing for your children to see how parents should be honored and treated, you have to model that. And those families that succeed in doing that, where the children basically see their own parents and their mothers honoring their parents and their, their father and their mother in law or whoever they have access to. These children are going to be inspired by that. And they're going to learn
from that practical lesson, much more than anyone can teach them in a lecture. And they're going to offer that to you in sha Allah, Allah at your old age show. Yes.
Why you can set up?
Well, yeah, good question is the variances have passed along? What are the people can do?
That's a beautiful question. And I'm glad you actually asked that question. The Prophet SAW Selim was asked a very similar question. One of the companions came to him and he said,
to the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam held back here, Alia or maybe revalidate che on Uber Roma Vicky Bergamo team said, Messenger of Allah, is there anything I can do for my parents after they have passed? Or is it over? And subhanAllah the relationship with the parents or the rights of our parents don't end with what? Even death? So he said, Yes. The process animation five things, I want you to memorize them five things. He said, a Salah Tullahoma to pray for them,
to pray for them and Allah azza wa jal taught us that specific prayer in the Quran.
Now, if your parents are not Muslim, you can make that prayer for them even in this life. Right? If they pass away you need this particular prayer is for the believers. Allah subhanaw taala after the after they pass. The one of the prayers Allah taught us in the Quran his will kura barehand Houma Kamara, Baroness of Iran, my lord.
Show them mercy or be merciful to them as they they raised me when I was little, they showed me compassion when I was little, or Allah, treat them with compassion, showered them with compassion. Another dua Allah teaches us in the Quran is what Ibrahim used to, to make throughout a bit fiddly.
What do you already
know
that you have new probable failure when you validate well in what mean? So Lord, forgive me and forgive my parents. Ibrahim Ali Salam is
Rob Benefield.
Now Robert Fernanda when he Valentina, oh Allah forgive us and forgive our parents. So ask Allah azza wa jal you know these are prayers Allah taught us now at some of the scholars said salata, Houma is primarily means to, to if they pass away is to do janazah and to prey on them and ask Allah to show them mercy because the prophets a lot of send the mentions as number two, what is still far hola hola to ask Allah to forgive them.
This is a specific prayer. So why don't you pray for them, or you pray that Allah shower them with mercy, and if they die, and you have the ability to make so autogen eyes on them you do that you offer that and you honor them and you honor their memory. And number two, you specifically the second right is to make a so far to ask Allah to forgive them. Again, if there are people that you can ask forgiveness for number three,
what in further Idema to fulfill their pledges or their oath, anything that they owe anything that they have pledged this, this includes a wide range of like multiple things. Number one, things like let's say pledges that they had
they pledged to do something you fulfill that pledge on their behalf if you have the capacity or the ability to do that, or if they owe anyone anything they have debt, you fulfill their debts on their behalf or if they had any wishes, you fulfill their wishes. So you take care of that
went even further I had the HEMA anything that that right you know, or any agreement between you and them, maybe the your parents wanted to do something wants you to do something or be something if you can afford or if you can be that, if you promise deliver. I know Allah subhanaw taala brother, whose father wanted him to become a doctor. He's actually a well known
figure. He wanted to be a doctor. Yeah, he wanted to be a teacher, the mammoth chef, memorize the Quran and all that, but his father wanted him to be a doctor.
So after leaving medical school
and his father passed away, he actually went back to medical school finished, he earned his degree and then he took his degree with him his medical degree with it. He went to his father's grave and he may drive when his father he said that I fulfilled your wish.
I'm now a medical doctor I have
but then he said, You know, I want to I want to do other things in life. But he did it for a while.
I know so many people that when they fulfill their parents wish, even if that wasn't their first choice, or what they're really inclined to do, right, Allah subhanaw taala blesses them in ways they, right? So fulfilling their wishes or fulfilling their debts. Number Number Four
when it comes Cramo saw the schema, honor their friends, honor their memory by honoring their friends, your parents, best friends, or you know, people that they had, you know, good relationship with, or neighbors and stuff like that you hear about them, honor them, take care of them, send them gifts, keep in touch with them. Every time you do that, guess what they're going to do? You're really celebrating you're really honoring the memory of your parents, you're going to find these people make a deal out for them. Oh, may Allah have mercy on your dad, man, he raised me very well. Your daddy used to be my best for your dad was and then they're going to share with you different
memories or different stories, right? So you keep their memory alive. By honoring their, their friends, their best friends reaching out to them taking care of them. If they come into town, you here go actually make make an effort to go and visit them or take them out.
Some people Oh yeah, he's just my father's best friend. What's gonna be cold do something when we have great examples from the life of the Sahaba, one, Aladdin.
And number five. The fifth thing is we'll see later rahimian that Elijah will solo 11 Hema keeping ties with their relatives.
Keep in connection with your relatives that are related to you through your parents.
Your parents were the the link that connected you to your cousins and your aunts and your uncles when they're gone. Now you need to reach out to them directly yourself, maintain ties with them, and make sure that you do both. I know that sometimes some people they're like, Yeah, my father passed away, but we're busy with my mother or my mother passed away. You know, we are caring for my father, I don't know much about my mother's relatives or siblings why?
Reach out? Especially after the death it becomes a direct you know, sometimes when our parents are alive, we're always like, Oh, how are my cousins, how are you know, they will update you or, you know, fill you in with what is happening with your cousins and your aunts and uncles right? Once they are gone. You now need to be the person that reaches out.
So you have to be very proactive about that reaching out to them. If you go to any city for work or for whatever research or for some conference or something like that. Where are your parents where your relatives live, you need to reach out to them. You need to go visit them and honor them.
Same thing with your parents friends, may Allah subhanaw taala bless them. So these are the five things the Prophet sallallahu Sallam mentioned SallAllahu Lahoma to pray about the janazah or to ask them out to be to show them mercy. Number two, to ask them out to forgive them. Number three, to fulfill their pledges and their oath or anything that they owe. Right including, by the way I forgot to mention including hedge. If your parents didn't make hedge you can afford to make hedge on their behalf. Once you do your own hedge you should actually proactively do that. Right? If both parents didn't do hedge start with your mother because of the process said honor your mother's multiple
times. So you make hedge for your mother and then if Allah Subhana Allah give you the ability that you know financial and physical ability you make it for your father as well or you get someone or one of your siblings to do that. So you fulfill their their oath or their pledges or whatever they owe. Number four, you honor their friends. Number five, you keep ties with their relatives, what are you with your relatives that relate to you through your parents?
Yes, shall one last
while we just
had this
little Tidewater Intel has
he says something it's very common, especially in
an Eastern families or societies. I don't know why it's very common. Well, in some cultures, I mean, people put a lot of emphasis on their paternal side of the family. But, but something that I see very, and again, I agree with you, it's very common people.
Should we do a survey? Should we have people raise their hands?
Okay, how many people here are more familiar with their maternal side
than their paternal side?
They're more familiar with their maternal side of the family, their mother's side of the family than they are with their paternal side for father's side.
How many how many people here show of hands feel much more comfortable with their maternal side more than their paternal side?
I
mean, it's 5050. How many people here don't care about both?
Like, I'm not, I'm more familiar with my neighbor than
anyone. Now, I should ask another question how many people here are much more familiar more much more comfortable with their in laws? Or they are with their own family? All the brothers in law golf course we?
Okay, hmm.
You have to be fair, you have to be you have to be, and let's say let's say, let's say someone might say, well, we don't understand, you know, the relationship between my mother and my father side, or my father, and my mother's side is very toxic.
So, you know, I don't want to get in between. Yeah, so it's toxic between them. That's their business. You do not allow that toxicity to, to rub off or to transfer to you. You don't? It's not in the blood, is it?
You didn't inherit it, did you? It's not in your genes? Is it?
Whatever happened between them, between the siblings is their business, whatever happened 2030 years ago, or whatever, you know, this person's wife said to the other person's wife, that's their business don't get into this family feud is? You're not You're not part of that. It's something that you Allah Subhana Allah, you're not part of just stay out of it. Why would you, you know, you manage these relationships. And if there is, if you if anyone is dealing with any particular situation, seek seek counseling, consult with your, you know, local experts and the Imams issue, because this is something that you need to sort out. So make sure that you maintain that, that that balance that
you reach out to both sides, because, you know, now obviously, someone might say, but which side really like if, if I have any, obviously, the mother's side is, you know, but nonetheless, there are certain hope, by the way, that that like for instance, I'll give you 111.
If we live for instance, comes from the father's side, we have to understand this. So for instance, if if, if a girl wants to get married, and her father is no longer alive, and she has her paternal uncle,
her her father's brother,
and she has her maternal uncle, her father's or her mother's brother, she may feel much closer to Kylo you know, right. Hello, or, hello, the Arabic well, not in order to in order to his mom, like mom. Oh, of course, my uncle John is like, very special. You know, he's like my mother.
But when it comes to marriage, when it comes to rely on the person that would be the person who gives her hand in marriage to her room. This is her paternal uncle, the one that she shares the same last name with
her father's side. Her cousin from her father's side,
her first cousin from her father's side, has more right to marry her to someone right to her than her put her maternal uncle, her than her Ocado or her mama.
A lot of people don't know this.
That's, that's really, so you have to make sure that you keep ties and you keep connection, and you balance it between the light and Zakouma halos of Halak Allama Hamdi, let's head to Allah Allah hailers sulfuric going into Lake May Allah subhanaw taala bring peace and restore the relationship between us and our between our relatives and especially our parents. May Allah bless our parents may Allah subhanaw taala forgive them their sins may Allah subhanaw taala shower them with mercy as they raised us when we were little Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.