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Dealing with bereavement

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Mirza Yawar Baig

Channel: Mirza Yawar Baig

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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100 later on Bilal Amin was salatu salam ala sherfield MBA Eva mousseline, Muhammad Rasulullah sallallahu ala he right it was have you send them to Steven Bethune because you're

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my brother and sisters

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and hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen

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Allah Subhan Allah della give us this life

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as an Amana, the giver his life as a trust from him as a gift from him,

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to be used in obedience to Him,

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and

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to be used in order to build for ourselves

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our assets in the market,

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the primary purpose of this life is not to build assets in this dunya but to build assets in the market.

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The spin off is that if you do, if you live this life, according to the will of Allah subhanaw taala, according in obedience to Allah subhanaw taala then it will also build assets in this dunya as well as aka This is the bonus this is the benefit. If you live your life in a way that is pleasing to Allah subhanho data, then it will help you to have a beautiful life which Allah subhanaw taala called hath Antiva in the Quran, as well as have a beautiful akhira Inshallah,

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that is the purpose of life

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and not about Allah give to each one of us as much of this life as he wished. The McDarrah the quantity, the the length, the duration, the amount of this life has been given to us, you know, in a measured form, just like Allah subhanaw taala gave us everything else in a measured form. Nobody has unlimited health, nobody has unlimited wealth, nobody has unlimited power, nobody has unlimited knowledge, and so on and so forth.

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Allah subhana direct gave to each human being as much as he wished.

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He gave them the most knowledge. We don't even know the quantity of that we cannot, we cannot quantify that. But Allah, Allah gave the maximum amount of knowledge that he wished to give to rasool Allah is Allah Salah to the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi salam, and even to him, Allah subhanaw taala said, we have given to you from our knowledge only a little.

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So therefore, it is something to understand that nobody has unlimited of anything in this world, nobody.

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What does that mean? If you do not have something unlimited, and you are using that something, it means that one day that will come to an end?

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Because it was not unlimited. So it was there for for a time, and it ended.

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Now, therefore, the same thing applies to life. We didn't we didn't we do not we didn't come here with a

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unlimited amount of life. And so therefore, one day our life will end. Now the spin is that when that day will come we don't know.

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The same thing, actually, for everything else. Do you are I know the day when our arthritis will kick in. And suddenly you discover you have knees and suddenly you discover you have

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a lower back?

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Do does anyone of us know how long our intelligence is going to last melasma did give us intelligence and save us from things like Alzheimer's and dementia and so on till the end, till the last day and take our soul in a way and take our life in a way where we are in with consciousness as well as without pain and suffering.

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And we ask Allah to give us the Karim Allah Allah Allah Allah Muhammad Rasul Allah as the last of our speech.

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But these things happen. So nobody knows when his health is going to end or start going into a decline. Nobody knows when his wealth is going to run out and don't worry about all the don't say I've got this trust fund and so on. And you know, all the financial analysts tell me that this trust fund is good for 1000 years, believe me. I know that is the reason why I read history. And Allah subhanaw taala caused me to be born in a family and to be

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to live in a family where

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Allah subhanaw taala

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enabled me to see it

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Not just one or two things, but rather it enabled me to see

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people who were wealthy beyond our wildest dreams.

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And Allah subhanaw taala also enabled me to see what happened to their wealth long before they would have wished that to happen.

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Right. So I think these are things which are very salutary, and

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things that we should learn lessons from so everything else, so also life. Now, how do you deal with this bereavement? How do you deal with the fact that when there was somebody there was that there was somebody in your life, and you will love this person very much, and they are no longer that

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I

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recall very distinctly, a very, very close friend of mine passed away, and quite literally in the hole that he left in my heart is still there.

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Now more than 20 years ago, 22 years later,

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I remember his wife was so

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was in such a state that

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she was they were staying with us at that time, and she was staying with us. And my wife tells me that she was sleeping next to her.

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And my wife tells me that in her sleep, she used to call out his name.

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Now,

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it is very painful. I mean, there is no there is no doubt about this fact. And in some ways, the amount of pain you feel at the partying is proportionate to the joy you felt

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when the person was alive,

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and the joy that you felt when the person was alive, is proportionate

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to the pain that will be there when the person departs.

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So how to deal with this.

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The first and foremost thing to do is to remind ourselves that Allah subhanaw taala gave us something which belonged to him, it was his trust, this individual this person belongs to Allah subhanaw taala, just as we belong to us.

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And when Allah subhanaw taala gave this person to us, for a limited period of time, temporary time, and last Ramadan and never told us that this person is going to be with us forever. On the contrary, I lost my editor told us many times, that this person, one day is going to go away.

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And let's write that I said, Well, he died. Yeah, I don't know who law is stuck. You don't Asato when I stopped doing, Allah said that.

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When the time comes,

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and the time of death comes, it cannot be delayed and it cannot be extended or postponed even for a sigh, even for a second even for an hour, even for any unit of time. So, this is something which is which has been told to us over and over again, I remind myself I knew that there is a benefit of being Muslim, there is a benefit of believing in the Quran, there is a benefit of believing in Allah subhanaw taala. And this benefit truly comes to the fore at times of stress, at times of difficulty, when we are in danger when we are in, in a state of you know, usually people are in a state of panic, and you will find the Muslims are not panicking. The Muslims are they seem to be composed,

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and they seem to be at peace. And the reason for that is Islam. Because they understand what is going on. They can see the reality the Hawk is behind the what is ahead, what is what is obvious and what is in front. And this helps them and gives them strength

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to go forward in life to go through the strong because they know that behind the strong is this very, very beautiful word. And like unlike this word, one of the there are many differences between a loss of $100 Jana and this dunya there's really no comparison, but one of the biggest differences is that that is forever whether this no matter how beautiful it was, was always meant to be temporary and it was temporary.

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So Muslims understand that. So let us

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enable and let us let us invoke the resource that Allah subhanaw taala has given us which is our Quran Allah. So how do you deal with bereavement? Two things that we need to do to deal with bereavement start from before bereavement right long before the longer that and the earlier you start. The more this will help you when that time comes. When there is Beloved, when that loved one passes away. What are those two things? One is build

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connection with the one who will never leave you,

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everyone and everything in this dunya will leave you, whoever it is, whether it is good, whether it is bad, the most respected person in the world will leave you and the most hated person in the world will also leave.

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If anyone wants should have had eternal life that was Mohamed salah, Salah, and he and he died.

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So did so did I will have

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name any person in the world,

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no matter how much power they had, no matter how beloved they were, or no matter how hated they were, they all die. And think about that death is one of the greatest blessings of Allah subhanaw taala. Imagine, think about think about

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people who are hateful people who are

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hugely toxic people who, you know, will cause all kinds of problems in life, right? I don't even want to take names. I mean, I even know the names, as well as I do. I don't want to spoil my lecture by taking the names of despicable despots.

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But imagine if they had we if they had eternal life. Right? Because they died that the only reason they are no longer with us is not because of some revolution not because somebody removed them but because they died.

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Nobody would remove them they were so powerful that nobody could even remove them.

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But hamdulillah nobody is so powerful that Allah cannot remove them. So Allah subhanaw taala remove them.

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So everyone goes What must you do? Build a connection with the one who does not go on how you look at you.

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Allah you are you Allah subhana wa than the one who is connected with Allah subhanho wa Taala is not affected by Be

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sure you will that Rasul Allah salon wept when his son died.

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That is, so it is you know, he was sad. He was sad to the extent he was weeping.

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There was a man with him who said to me as well, I have had so many I have so many children. So when he died, I never cried, I never shed a tear, and said, This is a sign of a hard heart.

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If you don't weep

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for sadness, if you don't be for the glory of Allah subhanho wa Taala and His Majesty,

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if you don't hug and kiss your children,

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beware.

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This is a sign of a hard heart.

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Right?

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So

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the sort of person who also was was was was,

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was sad. Imagine doesn't realize that if somebody had to be spared bereavement, it had to be the profits of life.

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But he lost his most beloved wife Hadiya to Korea or the Alana.

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After 25 years of marriage,

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he lost all his children in his lifetime, except for the woods was around the lawn, who lived and she passed away six months after he passed away.

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So he's I know you and I may see one death or two deaths or something he saw the depths of is practically

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everyone erupts.

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Yet he did not despair, yet he didn't lose his mind because of sadness and grief and so on. We got why because he was connected with the one

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who does not die, he was connected with Allah subhanaw taala. And because he knew the reality of life, he accepted the reality of life, that

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this life will end.

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Whoever said it won't end. Of course, it will let it always was limited, it is limited, it will always be limited.

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Second thing is

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which helps you and me to deal with bereavement is to remember than the person who passed away if that person died as a Muslim,

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then they have left this life to go into a life which is a million zillion trillion, gazillion times better than this life. Immeasurable there is no there is no comparison whatsoever.

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So why would you be sad?

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If somebody goes and gets a life which is far, far, far superior to the life that they had in this world,

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you will feel happy for them. So hamdulillah

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Al Hamdulillah this person left this world he lived his life which was you know hamdulillah no matter how good it was, we thank Allah subhanaw taala we don't we are not be ungrateful but this law

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If compared to the life of Jana is trash and garbage it's nothing

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and Allah subhanaw taala gave this person Jana he gave my father and mother my you know my whoever was the way Allah give them did not have the light inshallah.

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So this is the second thing which is solace to the hodza Hamdulillah this is the day that this person was really any any Muslim was true to his religion, or her religion, and who loves Allah subhanaw taala wants to meet Allah subhanaw taala So, for that Muslim, the day they die is the happiest day of their lives. They are rejoicing this So when Allah I achieved what I wanted

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I achieved what I wanted.

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Why would you be sad

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when somebody gets what they wanted, they they this great honor this, this great blessing, this great wealth, which they look for, and they and they yearn for that their whole life and they got it and you are sad for what

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you're sad because you don't understand what's going on. So we should understand as Muslims we need to understand, you have no excuse not to understand because Allah subhanaw taala sentences, his Calamba loss rather than the centers, the beautiful teachings of his interview with our Salah.

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So that the second point, firstly, build a connection with Allah subhanaw taala then you don't feel the loss of anybody. Second thing is to remember that the person who died the Muslim who died for that Muslim if he died on the man in sha Allah, then this day is the happiest day of their lives, this is the day they have been waiting for all their lives. So rejoice with them Don't be sad.

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The third thing which helps to deal with the but

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is

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starts now, start today, start as soon as you finish listening to the lecture.

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Maybe you don't even need to finish listen to the lecture as soon as I finish saying this go into that which is appreciate and show appreciation for the person while they are alive.

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A lot of sadness, a lot of grief

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upon bereavement is also guilt.

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Right suddenly now you become aware that all the stuff that you should have done you didn't do and now you're feeling sorry for yourself. So this grief is not really grief is just being sorry for yourself. Oh, I wish I had

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do it. Stop listening right now. Go hug the person, go kiss the person.

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Book is the feet of your mother.

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Go hug you hug and kiss your spouse. Go hug and kiss your children.

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Just go tell them I love you. I love you so much. So much so much. I cannot even express

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do that.

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This ask yourself when was the last time we did that? Swan live I'm always amazed I always ask this question this question i by anyone who's who's been listening to me to my lectures on different topics over the years you would have heard me ask you this question one way or the other in different places. I sincerely believe this. Show your appreciation for the friendship for the for the relationship of whoever it is while they are alive. Don't wait until the day

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there's an article of mine called LED or eulogy. Read that one on my website. Look for it. Eulogy or LG,

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u LGY. Or e led why? Read the article.

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Show appreciation

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don't wait for them to ask you.

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Right and don't imagine that people know it's not about people. It's about you. Allah subhanaw taala himself said Elaine Shekhar tulasi Donna

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Well, I think of her too in Malaysia the the last one that I said that the one who is grateful to me who shows his gratitude who expresses his gratitude to me I will increase my blessing on that person and the one who's I'm grateful Let him beware of my punishment.

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So for those of you who feel that oh, what is the need? Why should I tell people thank you? Why should I tell people I appreciate you Why should I tell people I? I love you? Don't they know it already? Let me ask you doesn't Allah know already?

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Whether you're grateful, grateful or not wise, other things. It's not about the other person. It's about you. Show it, speak it. Demonstrate it.

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So three things build a connection with Allah subhanaw taala. Remember that when the Muslim dies, that is the happiest day of their lives?

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I see two people all over the all the time Insha Allah may Allah smart Allah keep me in EMA in a state of Yuma and take me in a state of Yuma. When I die and you hear that? Don't cry.

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Ask Allah subhanaw taala to forgive me, make dua for me.

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Because if I die

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Either way I want to die and I've begged my Rob to give me that which is to die with the man

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and to die and sujood

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and to die with his name on my lips dialer Hello love Muhammad Rasul Allah. If my Abdullah did Allah gives me that and I have begged him for it and inshallah my complete and total faith inshallah that he will give it to me that I have died in the state that I wanted to die and that would be the happiest day of my life. So don't cry.

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And the third thing is show appreciation.

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Show up with us every single day, not just Mother's Day, Father's Day, wedding anniversary. Birthday.

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Hug it all these days. As far as we are concerned every day is Mother's Day and Father's Day and birthday or wedding anniversary, do it every single day.

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Sometimes ask people how many times did you kiss your wife today? How many times did you kiss your husband today?

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He was the kiss. How many times in one day?

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My brothers sisters believe me. There's no audio on this. There's no overdose on this. Do it.

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Show appreciation.

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Allah's amount of data for armies to test us

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to begin with regard to believer. Also remember that Allah subhanaw taala promised to test us and those around that I said and he told us the result of that Allah subhanaw taala said I will be leaving a shutdown the regime will enable one Nakamichi mineral Sophie will Jewry will not see Minella morally what empathy was Samarra. overshare is slavery Alladhina Iza Saba Tomasi baton Carlu in lillahi, wa inna la here on yo, Willa e ka li himself to me, Robbie Morava, but hula Iike, Hummer matado, Allah Subhana Allah says in surah baqarah i as 155 to 187, Allah said, and we will surely test you with something of fear and hunger,

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and a loss of wealth, and lives and fruits,

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but give glad tidings to those who are patient, who, when disaster strikes them, they say, Indeed we belong to Allah subhanho wa taala. And indeed, to him, we will return those are the ones upon whom our blessings from the rub, and mercy, and it is those who are rightly guided

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in his lab are ways to remind ourselves that it is okay to shed tears as much as we want, but we don't complain, or express despair. We accept that all of us belong to Allah, and all of us will return to Him.

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These are the these are the words we say. Even when we feel sad at the memory of the loss

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of our friend or

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with a loved one,

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or the last or the loss of the life that we had planned for them. We remember that our patients is being rewarded more than we can imagine. And we remember that sad that sadness doesn't last forever.

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Maybe memories last five.

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So unless right and I've told us that he will test us with all these things, I don't want to make a long lecture too long. But read the I read it

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unless yet, after, after promising to test so it's not a the test that happens the bereavement that happens is not something accidental. This is the Promise of Allah. This is something that most martela Ramesh does and he said he will give us and the result and then he told us how to act in that unless you're the one who says in a reliable Inelia yo, we are from Allah to Allah is this person Allah subhanaw taala said is somebody who Allah will bless. We like Allah him Salah to me rugby, whatever, and those who manage our lives will send his Salawat he will change his blessings on this person and he will send his mercy on this person.

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Or will I go walmartone And Allah subhanaw taala said, let's give him a certificate right saying this person. These are the people who are rightly guided. Now imagine just a question I'm asking you as a believing Muslim as a person who believes in Allah subhanho wa taala. If somebody asked you, What will you give for assured, for the assurance and assured blessing and mercy of Allah and a certificate from Allah

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and declaration from Allah that you are rightly guided, if you were if you were to pay for this, to get this What would you say?

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What would you what would you be willing to pay? I

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would say take everything if if this is the guarantee, then there is nothing, the loss of which I need to fear.

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Because again, we come back to the original thing, which is that you would have lost this thing anyway.

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Whatever it is, whether it is, you know, I don't want to go back into the details of every single thing that we own, every single thing that we think we all, every single thing that we think belongs to us, actually belongs to Allah.

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We are enjoying it and we thank Allah subhanaw taala for allowing us to enjoy it for a brief period. When the period ends, this will go back to Allah.

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This is what we had been told from day one, we may have forgotten, but this is what we were taught from day one.

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So what is happening today is what was supposed to happen is what we have been promised. Lago

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1400 years ago Allah subhanaw taala revealed the Quran and he mentioned this

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so nothing to be surprised about.

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But when something which we would have lost any way is taken from us, and in that situation of understandable grief. If we behave with dignity, if we behave with patients, if we behave with 42, if we behave with someone

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and though yes, of course we cry, because of the pain of being parted from somebody will out.

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But we do not despair. We do not complain, we don't say why me? Why did God do this to me?

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In all the

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words of

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of ingratitude that people speak, when they are in that situation, if we do not do all this, and we say in Allah, He when I lay here Raggio I belong to Allah, and I go and whatever is with me, belongs to Allah goes back to Allah. Whatever is in the world belongs to Allah goes back to Allah. This is how it has been written.

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When a person does that, anonymized data sends his salary is His blessings, and he sends his mercy. His salary then is on this person. And Allah declares that this person is rightly guided.

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I ask a lot of our intelligence enable us to understand the Quran and to believe in it with understanding and to remember it, especially when we are in a state of need, which is when we are in a state of grief, and to

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follow that Quran and live by that Quran. And we ask Allah to enable us to die with the Quran. And on the Quran. Was Allah Allah Allah Allah, Allah Allah He was a member of the government.