A Child’s Right

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Ibrahim Hindy

Channel: Ibrahim Hindy

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Allahu alayhi wa sallam is both his servant and his messenger

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Allah subhanaw taala in the Quran

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recounts for us

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the story of fit r1 And Benny is thrown in.

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In this video I want to I left fill out

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what your Allah Allah share your story for thought if at a minimum, you will then be who have been a home while you're stuck in his home, in who can I mean, I'm obsidian that indeed for your own,

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exalted himself in the land, and he made its people into factions, and he will pressed some of them slaughtering their sons and leaving their doctors indeed he was of those who are corrupt when we do an Amana Allah Lavina so that we fulfill out but Allah says we wanted to convey a fever to confer a favor upon those who had been oppressed on the earth. When a job

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when a Gerardo human YT Finn, to make them the leaders on earth, and to make them the inheritors on Earth. One who make quinoa and fill out and and to establish them in the land.

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We're not here for that, I wonder why men and women with whom I mean, whom that can wear that one, and to show the Pharaoh and Jimin and all of their troops and soldiers, the very thing that they were afraid of,

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we often complain

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about the states of the ummah.

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Just as we look in history, and we see the states of Benny's throw in

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being pillaged, and enslaved and attacked and oppressed and their children slaughtered. We look around the Muslim world. We see what happens to our brothers and sisters in Palestine. What happens to our brothers and sisters in Kashmir? What happens to our brothers and sisters in eastern Pakistan? We see what happens to our brothers and sisters in every corner of the world. And we think what's the solution?

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And Allah tells you, as he's recounting, for us the story of Bani Israel eel and the oppression that they were going through, that he wants to change their situation, just like you and I want to change the situation of our ummah.

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And then the next verse comes

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and Allah subhanaw taala says, what a hyena Illa Musa.

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We inspired the mother of Musa to nourish her child. To some this seems like the Quran is changing subjects. But it's not.

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It's as if Allah subhanaw taala is telling you that change that he says he wants to happen, that change of Bani Israel Eid going from oppressed and enslaved and murdered, to being the leaders on Earth.

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To being established in the earth. That change begins with Allah inspiring the mother of Musa to take care of her child,

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to nourish her child to raise that child.

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The first step for change in this ummah, happens inside of our houses, inside of our homes, with a mother and a father raising that next generation to take this step forward. That next generation to have Iman and Allah subhanaw taala that next generation to be prepared with knowledge and faith and a goal and a vision for what needs to happen to our ummah.

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And Allah subhana wa Allah tells us as parents Yeah, you're Levina M and O QU and fossa como Alikum Nowra.

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O you who believe Save yourselves and your families from the hellfire.

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Allah blesses us with children in this life. Children are blessing.

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Zoo, Zooey and Inasa humble shouty

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Mina Nisa it will be in Allah says it has been made beautiful for people, the love of spouses and children. This is a blessing, but the blessing always comes with obligations. Allah gives you a blessing of money that comes with obligation you have to pay the cat.

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It comes with obligations.

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Your children come with obligations as well. How you're going to

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To raise them and take care of them.

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The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said kefan is more imminent.

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And you will you may have foods that it is enough of a sin for you to waste or lose that which you are obligated to supports, meaning your family and your children.

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And it's a blessing when we raise our children properly. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that not to ignore Adam, in quarter and 11/5, that when the child of Adam dies, all of his deeds are broken cut off, disconnected except for three.

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So the cartoon giardia, the

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continuous charity,

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the charity that continues awaring human interface be a knowledge that he taught someone and that person benefits from it. l when I don't saw the hunger ruler, or the righteous child, that makes to art for him. What greater blessing would there be for a person then on the day of judgment, there is a link

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between you and the next generation who believed until Hades

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and the next generation after that, that believed in Allah, and the generation after that, that believed in Allah, but you come on the day of judgment and your good deeds were echoing generation after generation, because of what you invested in raising your children.

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And our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Man, I allah God attain heteroatom lover, Jai Omen Tiana. I know a whole world of Masabi the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Whoever raised his two daughters, until they reach adulthood, meaning he raises them properly. He fulfills the rights of his daughters over him. He says they will arrive on the Day of Judgment, him and I and he brought together his fingers like this, you will be this close to the prophets of Allah. Where are you?

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The rewards of raising our children are too numerous to mention.

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But we have to think about the methods of raising our children.

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How do we raise them, according to the ways of the prophets?

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And I've spoken about this topic before and I've never even gone through my list before in the chutzpah because there are so many important methods and lessons for us to take account to. The first one that I have mentioned before, but I will mention over and over again, is what is the foundation of the relationship between the parent and the child?

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I have spoken to young people in our community

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who are having sometimes problems in life. And I asked them a simple question.

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Do your parents love you? Now I know their parents love them. Because their parents are the ones asking me to talk to them. Their parents I can see the anxiousness in their face.

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Do your parents love you?

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And half the time the child will say I don't know.

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And if I asked many elders, grownups amongst us,

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did your parents ever tell you that they loved you?

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Did your parents ever tell you that they were proud of you? You will be surprised how many people sitting amongst us today will say no.

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Now my question to you is that the prophetic way of raising our children

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we know the hadith of our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam

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where he told holding his grandsons and hassling her saying he's hugging them, and he's kissing them.

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And the Bedouin man laughs at him.

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Not laughs at him, but scoffs he says I have 10 children 10 sons. I never kissed a single one of them. It's a matter of pride. You say Look at me, I'm tough with my kids. My sons are gonna be tough. I don't kiss them. I don't hug them.

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And this is by the way, very western idea of masculinity. We talked about that a few weeks ago. You know, the Hollywood 1980s version of masculinity.

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That you're still waking you don't show any emotion even with your own kids.

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And I feel a lot of the Muslim world took this.

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What did our Prophet sallallahu wasallam say to this man?

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The Prophet said LM Nicola cache and in kneser Allahu obika, Rama

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to roughly translate this he's saying, what benefit am I to you? How can I help you?

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If Allah took mercy out of your hearts, is the prophet of Allah, how can I help you if there's no mercy inside of your hearts

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and then the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Mala, your hand, lay your hand whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.

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This is a way of our prophets of Allah who was sending him his daughter, faulty model the Allah Allah and it says, Every time I would enter the house, the Prophet SAW Allah was able to get up and kiss her on her forehead, and give her a place to sit, take my spot to sit in it

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every time.

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If a parent does this repeatedly to the child, every day you kiss your child every day you tell your child that you love them, you show Rama and love and mercy to them. Will that child reach a point in their life where they are wondering, does my parent really love me? Because when they're wondering that that's a breakdown of the relationship. That's when you have serious problems, serious rebellions, because the child sincerely does not know if the parent really cares about them.

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We have to build our relationship with Rama. That's point number one. Point number two throughout the Quran, Allah subhanaw taala shows us dua that is made from the parent to the child's people making your art for their children. Some do that we have in our tradition in our religion only comes through the Sunnah. The DUA What do you say when you enter the washroom? We know this from the Sunnah the DUA What do you say when you enter a masjid? We know this from the Sunnah. Yet there are multiple one after the other after the other dua in the Quran, have prophets and righteous people making dua for their children. It's as if there's a message here, make dua for your children and

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make dua often for your children.

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I remember a brother once complaining to me of their child.

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I said to him, first of all, first point, are you making drive for your son? He said, No, he's already making drive for your daughter. He said no. He said only make drives for my son because my son is doing problems. I thought my daughter is good. She wears hijab, she goes to the masjid. I thought she was good. I didn't make a lot for her. We have to make up for our children. We have to

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I've read many books on parenting.

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I've taught classes on parenting.

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Let me tell you something. Of all the tools and methods at our disposal. In the end of the day, everything is in the hands of Allah subhanaw taala you can do everything 100% Correct. And your child might still take the wrong path.

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Yes, because your child is a moral being and is going to be given moral choices in their life. We can do things to enhance their chances of making the correct moral

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decisions. But in the end of the day, everything is in the hands of Allah subhanaw taala you have to make dua to Allah. No matter if we do everything right as parents. In the end of the day, Allah subhanaw taala is in control of all things. So make dua for your children. When the v&a Hakuna Robina headland I mean, as far as you know how to react Tina could retire even those who make dua and they say Our Lord gift us from our spouses and our children, the comfort of our eyes.

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The DUA of Prophet Ibrahim Rajani mattina saw that human reality from benna, which a couple

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bases My Lord allow me to be of those who established thought out women through reaction of my children as well. So we need to be constantly making dua to Allah for our children, we cannot rely exclusively on the means

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of the world, the dunya means we have to rely upon Allah azza wa jal.

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The third point is we teach our children through our actions.

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Parents want to be in instruction mode. We want to tell our kids do this, do this, do this do this. It's only natural. We see our kids. They're going through a journey. We've gone through the journey before. We want to tell them but your kids are watching you with their eyes more than anything else. People human beings learn through modeling.

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How behavior is modeled, that's how we learn. We learn how to be human beings by seeing how our parents acted, and we follow them.

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We know the DUA in the Quran, when Allah subhanaw taala was the only female reactive beautiful dua in this dua. We're saying Oh Allah, let me do good deeds that you Oh Allah will be pleased with. Then the next part of the DUA was that if he thought he had to make my children righteous, that order is important. You have to do

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do good deeds for your children to be righteous.

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Your children are watching you.

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They listen to you with their eyes, not with their ears. One of the stuff he said

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let the first act of goodness you do for your child, the act of goodness you do for yourself.

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fit in there are you who are further to be are you because there's faults are tied knots knotted together with your faults. Fell Hasson wonder who method will covet metal rockets, they will see good as what you have done. And they will see evil as what you have abandoned and what you have avoided. What we do is how our children learn, we want our children to be good. We have to ourselves emulate this and show this. If we smoke, if we curse, they will see it. And they will think of it as being good or at least not that bad.

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If we worship

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and we abstain from evil, then they will see that as well as being the path

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of the points of being good parents.

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And following the message of the prophets in our parenting style is that we help our children be good to us.

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There's a hadith authentic in meaning, Rahim Allah Humann iron whether the who Allah, Allah has mercy on the one who helps his child, be good to him, Your child has to be dutiful to you, this is a order from Allah subhanaw taala, your the child has to be dutiful to the parent, they have to have good worry, then

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Allah has mercy on the parent who helps the child be good to them. Now, what does this mean? This is about the expectations we have of our children.

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As parents, we should have expectations of our children.

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But it's also important that the expectations are reasonable.

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Our expectations have to be reasonable.

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When we have expectations of our child, and we say basically, no matter what you do, it's not good enough.

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Or they make the smallest mistake and we hold it over their heads. Why do you do this? We're training them, teaching them that my expectations are never going to be fulfilled. And if the child understands this, my parents expectations will not be fulfilled, then what will they do? They'll stop trying to achieve it altogether, to walk away from it altogether.

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So Allah has mercy on the parent who helps the child achieve his bitter achieve his dutifulness.

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In one narration, the prophet is asked how does the parent help the child be dutiful to them? He said, Your son who went to jail was an EASA T, that he accepts the good that the child does, and he forgives the errors that the child does. And some of the scholars commenting on this hadith. They said that this means that when the child makes an error, which is not a sin, it's not a sin, but they made a mistake. Not not a sinfulness. They didn't commit, you know an evil deed, but they made mistakes, they made errors that the parents should overlook these.

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Every time your child makes a mistake.

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Even if the mistake does not involve sinfulness, they break the plates, they leave the lights on, they didn't study well enough. If we can never overlook these mistakes or these faults, the child will eventually think I cannot please my parents. This is not a goal I can achieve. Look at Edison nomadic or the Allahu Allah.

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He said

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for them to Nabi SallAllahu, alayhi wa sallam, ashram Sunday and he said I was the servant of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam for 10 years. His mother took him to be the servant of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. He said female Coiler li often women are called led shaitan Sona or tell him when he Mehsana to who when Alicia interacted with the metadata who he's 10 years.

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He was the servant of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. He said not once to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam say of show this displeasure to me. He said not once did he say to something that I did. Why did you do this? And not once did he say to something I didn't do? Why didn't you do this?

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This is our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Did he have expectations of Ennis? Yes, he raised him.

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But he made the expectations reasonable. He didn't beat him over the head with them.

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He made this mistake, he made me this mistake. He made this mistake. Why did you do this? Why didn't you do that? No, he has this. He has this companionship with us as he's raising him.

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Another method and key of parenting that is very important is to be fair and to be just to our children.

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We mentioned a few weeks ago in the hutzpah, a hadith, in which the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, in Melmac city now in the law, here I am, and I believe in Nora and Amina Rahman, that those who are just

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those who act justly fairly.

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They will be on pulpits of lights on the right side of a rock man of the Most Merciful on the Day of Judgment.

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It's kind of was a beautiful virtue. The Companions asked the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam who are 18 Who are the people who act justly. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, I live in a I do wonder if he hurt me, him? What actually him when that? Well, no, he says those who are just when it comes to their hook, the rule, their power, their family, and to everything they undertake.

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The Prophet specified those who are just with their families,

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those who are fair with their families. Now the question, are we fair with our children?

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Are we fair? And are we just when we treat them?

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Unfortunately, many parents will exhibit favoritism towards one child over the other.

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And there was a study done

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in Purdue University, where they went to parents, and they asked the parents, do you have a favorite? And most parents said no. But they would start probing with some questions. And after three, four or five questions, the parent would admit, yes, I have a favorites.

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When the child feels that there is favoritism, that the parent prefers one child over the other.

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Statistically, they're more likely to use drugs and alcohol, statistically, they're more likely to suffer low self esteem, and depression and anxiety.

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And so it is very damaging to family dynamics, when children feel that there's favoritism when they feel the parent is not being just between them.

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And so we have to be aware of this. And we have to strive as parents to try to make things fair. And this is very difficult. I acknowledge very difficult, because even in circumstances where parents are fair, sometimes the children perceive unfairness, even when it's not there.

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And so it's important for parents to go out of their way to try to make sure that their children feel that there is fairness happening inside of the home. We know the incident where the man came to the Prophet salallahu Salam. And he said, O Messenger of Allah, Allah gave a gift to my son, but my wife insists that you are the witness over it. And it seems the wife was intelligent, and she knew what the husband was doing was wrong. So she told him, only give this gift if Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam will be the witness. So the Prophet is reading the situation. So he asked him, did you give a gift like this to your other children? The men said no.

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The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said further to share his journey, even and one Hadith further to share any other zoo for that to show hidden the hidden fin de la Rocha, headwater Java. It's exactly what I did when

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he said, Do not make me a witness in that case, for I will not be a witness over injustice. I will not be a witness over injustice. It's Aquila fear Allah what I do will be now without you come and be just unfair between your children. And one Hadith the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said to him, and they say your Surak and your Kulu findability. So why wouldn't you be happy that your children? Honor you equally? Don't you want all of your children to honor you equally? You want one child to honor you and the other child to neglect you and ignore you and treat you badly? Or do you want all of them to honor you? Of course every parent is going to say I want all of them to honor

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me. Then be fair to them. be equal in your treatment of them so that they will equally honor you as well. We know and even another Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is sitting with a man

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in a Mejlis

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And

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the son of a child, the son of the man comes in. So the man hugs his child, kisses the child, the Son, and puts the son to sit on his lap, on his thigh.

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Then the daughter comes in,

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and the daughter sits with him. And he neither kisses the daughter, nor does he seek the daughter on his other lap on his other thigh, and the Prophet is seeing this. So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said to him, Allah as a way to been at home, why have you not been fair between them, or you should be fair between them, meaning you Kiss the Son, kiss the daughter, you sat in the sun on your lap, see the daughter on your lap Subhanallah to this degree, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is concerned about the fairness that the parents showed towards their children. To this degree, even the kiss, he gave the son, he's saying Give it also to the daughter. And we have

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parents sometimes, who give massive amounts of money to one child over the other, who want to break the rules of inheritance and give everything to one child instead of the other.

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What is this? How is this from the tradition of our Prophet salallahu, it was him.

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So I advise you, be fair and what you give your children not only in terms of money, not only in terms of gifts, even with attention, the prophet is telling the man about being fair with his kisses with his hugs. Be fair with attention with your energy, with your excitement, you're so energetic to spend time with one child, and you're just bored with the other child, the child can see your body language, with your energy and your excitement and your excitement. And your efforts. Be fair with your children. And be fair with your discipline as well. Sometimes we're inconsistent, you know, one child, we always want to lay down the law, the other child, we always give them a free pass.

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We can't be like that. We have to be consistent even in our discipline, and fair with them. The other thing we should do is not compare our children to each other. Why can't you be like your brother? Why can't you be like your sister. This can easily be interpreted by the child. Oh, she loves my brother more than she loves me. He loves my sister more than he loves me.

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And so we don't want to put children in this situation where they're competing with each other. Don't say Why can't she be like your brother? Why can't you be like your sister.

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The third thing I will say spend time alone with your children individually. Your children are competing for your attention naturally. So spend time okay, I'm going to take my son for something today. And next week I'm going to take my daughter and do something with her alone. And I'm going to do something with my other child alone that week after give them a loan time where they're not competing for your attention. And this will build a bond between you and between your child as well.

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Falcone had to suffer for Rahimi.

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Smilla hamdulillah salatu salam O Allah rasool Allah who are early he will be here woman who Allah.

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I have a lot more to talk about. But Pamela time is limited. And I don't want to keep you all too long. The last thing I will say that I've said before, but it's incredibly important is the way we teach our children Islam, one of the most important rights of the child, and obligations of the parents is to teach our children Islam.

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And too often we are not spending we are not thinking properly about how we teach our children Islam.

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Too often.

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We are teaching our children how to be Muslims. How to make wudu how to make lists, how to pray. This is the number one ask I get from parents. The children need to know how to make fahara. And they need to know how to pray. And they need to know the rules. They need to know the FIP and it's how many have we seen coming into their years of high school University. They know how to pray they know how to make well do. What they don't know is why they shouldn't be Muslim. What they don't know is why they shouldn't believe in Islam. What they don't know is why this religion is worth following. What they don't know is why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is worthy of being

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our example. We have taught our children how and we forgot to teach them why. And when they get these questions. Sometimes we even suppress it. They say why should I believe in God who say I owe the biller? Why are you even asking this question? This is not

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The way we teach our children to have Eman and the prophets way of teaching children was Eman we see with him in ibis, his cousin, who is a young adolescent for the life of f4. The last digit to Jack this fan famous, beautiful Hadith. Be mindful of Allah you will find him. Be mindful of Allah you will find Allah before you be mindful of Allah Allah will be mindful of you this beautiful Hadith all of it is building Eman, connecting them with Allah Who is Allah?

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The relationship with Allah subhanaw taala we need to establish this with our children and provide the resources inshallah for our children to know these answers so that they grow up as confident Muslims in Allahu mela in Catoosa Lunarlon nubby Yeah, are you on Lavina Amman or Salah he was saying