Before and after you say, ‘I do.’

Ibraheem Menk


Channel: Ibraheem Menk

File Size: 41.87MB

Share Page


WARNING!!! AI generated text may display inaccurate or offensive information that doesn’t represent Muslim Central's views. Therefore, no part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever.

AI Generated Summary ©

The speakers discuss the importance of finding a marriage institute that encourages women to pursue their dreams and find a partner who is rich and has good character. They stress the need for women to avoid sexual abuse and find a partner who is rich and has good character. The speakers also emphasize the importance of finding a partner in a marriage and encourage people to take photos of their partners to show their desire for sex. They suggest that couples should be focused on what they have and not the person who gives them their birth.

Transcript ©

00:00:00--> 00:00:14

Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen ilaha illAllah Minami Hina stary Manasa Leona sadly mohalla, Tamil ambia even more serene Nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi Marine, we thank Allah

00:00:15--> 00:00:34

for having gathered us here. And we ask Allah subhana wa tada to surround us with the melodica. And to cause his mercy and His Sakina to descend upon us, and to raise us with the ambia either hemos Salatu was salam, and those whom he has mentioned with them. I mean,

00:00:35--> 00:01:08

it's my wedding day, it's my wedding day shouted Fatima, she rushed about excitedly telling everybody that she was about to get married. The euphoria kicked in, as she thought about how she would stand in front of everybody. Then watching her holding her husband's hand, then he can ceremony, everything that would happen afterwards, the honeymoon and so on. And she was just so happy. This was rightfully so. Why? Because Allah subhanho wa Taala says, Why

00:01:11--> 00:01:11


00:01:12--> 00:01:14

tell us can Jen

00:01:15--> 00:02:08

Oh, you add them into you and your spouse into agenda. Allah subhana wa Tada. He's addressing Adam and his spouse. Yet he Adam was alone at the time. We all know this item into into agenda alone. But Allah subhanho wa Taala addresses them both. Why is the question we've got to ask, because she existed his spouse existed in the knowledge of Allah subhanho wa Taala, before she even existed in flesh and blood. So this institute of marriage that we're here to talk about, existed in the knowledge of Romulus, that you will gll before it existed in reality, this means that this was something that Allah subhanahu attallah knew that we would require, we would need we would not be

00:02:08--> 00:02:25

able to live without them. Allahu salatu salam, and everything in general. He had whatever he wanted to eat, he had no obligations, no duties, no worries, no stress, yet he was lonely. Allah subhanho wa Taala says

00:02:26--> 00:02:27

wakulla mean?

00:02:29--> 00:03:23

Hi, sushi Toma and eat it in general, whatever you want from wherever you want to. So Adam had everything. he lacked something. He likes companionship, he lacked the ability to share this with another human being. You see, you can have everything in this world. You can have a beautiful home, go on amazing holidays, have money to eat out every single day. But if you don't have somebody to share these experiences with and you begin to question, what is the point of all of this? And this is what Adam either you Salatu was Salam felt, you find that he asked Allah subhanho wa Taala for a spouse, and he went to sleep. And when he woke up, it is said that her work was in front of him all

00:03:23--> 00:04:12

of a sudden. And he looked at this being looks very similar to him, but slightly different. He asks her Manti What are you? And she says an AMA, I am a woman walima hula TT and why were you created? And he and she says hulak to me, agilus Saba, I was created for companionship, meaning this institute of marriage is why I am here to be with you and to worship Allah subhanho wa Taala out ultimately because Arambula is that even Geron we know, first and foremost created both men and women equal in the worship of Allah subhanho wa Taala. So, they both are required to worship Allah is that even Shannon?

00:04:13--> 00:04:16

gene is set in

00:04:18--> 00:04:59

stone, and I did not create mankind and jinn kind except that they worship me. So, if this institute of marriage is based on the first and foremost reason, purpose of you being married in the first place, then you will find bliss, you will find happiness, you will find peace, you will be able to coexist with your spouse in a beautiful manner. Because we all know that we all know that Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says that marriage is for for things, for beauty, for lineage for the world.

00:05:00--> 00:05:54

that a person has and for Dean, and what is the best reason that you can get married for it is the Dean of a person. Why? Because this lasts long beyond this life. It lasts long beyond the reasons that a person chooses to get married. besides Allah subhanho wa Taala. So you may marry for beauty. You look at it, listen and say, Wow, she looks like a model, or he looks like a superstar, I need to marry him. But in reality, this will pass a time will come where the skin will sag. You won't be tired of looking at that person, you've woken up next to them for 20 years, 30 years, 40 years, you reach a point where it means nothing anymore. And this is why a surah Allah sallallahu alayhi wa

00:05:54--> 00:06:46

sallam, he says in a large me lonely new hit booja man, Indeed Allah subhanho wa Taala is beautiful. He loves beauty. So we love beauty as well as human beings. There's absolutely nothing wrong with choosing a spouse that you are attracted to. In fact, it would be wrong for you to engage in a relationship where there is no chemistry, you find a person meet someone else. Okay. All the boxes are ticked, except for the fact that I have absolutely no inclination towards this person. Don't get into that marriage. Why? Because you've got to have a little bit of chemistry in order to live with that person. So remember that the deen lasts long after the rest of the reasons that Rasulullah

00:06:46--> 00:07:33

sallallahu alayhi wa sallam gave man for example, when a person has so much wealth, so much wealth, that you want to give money to that person, you know what? They're wealthy, they've made it, I need to get married to them. This is not the right reason to get married. You may have a wealthy spouse who fills your pockets full of money. But what is the point of that money if you are being abused every day, if you find a spouse that is rich, wealthy, and has got good character, then Alhamdulillah you know, if you are looking for wealth, then you shouldn't be getting married. You should be out there doing business. Whoa, perhaps you should have a spade digging for gold. You

00:07:33--> 00:08:18

know, they call them gold diggers. But in reality, you're not looking for marriage, you're digging for gold, go out into the areas and look for it in reality, go into the marketplace and trade don't get married. Why? Because you're getting married for the wrong reason altogether. You mean you can, but don't come back. When you are being abused by that person. That person has got so much wealth, that it reaches their head, and they feel they are invincible. Such a person is not to be married, you are not supposed to be marrying for this reason. Harun had a lot of wealth. But look at what Allah subhanho wa Taala did with him. So wealth is not the answer to everything. We spoke about

00:08:18--> 00:08:28

beauty, we spoke about wealth. And now let's talk about lineage. My cousin in India from such and such a village

00:08:29--> 00:09:14

has a daughter, you're going to go to India tomorrow. Yes, the plane ticket, you're going to get married. Why do we do this? Why do we do this yet? We are living in a different society, in a different community in a different country? Yes. I'm very happy if the person that is getting married is happy to get into that marriage. But why do you send them on a plane into a nother geographical part of the earth that has nothing to do with them? They don't even know how that culture is. And you want them to get married into that culture? Yes, they may have lived in another country under the same culture, but it is not the same. It is not the same. They are more you know

00:09:14--> 00:09:56

Londoners than they are from Pakistan or from India. And this happens a lot of the times with the parents of the child, the girl child, they end up sending her to a different country going get married, you're going to marry this person or this x, y and Zed is going to happen to you. Do you know that Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says that you require the permission of that person. It is that human being is an individual that has a choice for themselves. Allah subhanho wa Taala accorded mankind the choice to believe or to disbelieve it you force that person into marriage. Allah subhana wa tada says therma

00:09:59--> 00:09:59


00:10:01--> 00:10:49

Failure for the one who wants to believe let him believe the one who wants to disbelieve, let him this believe it, you want to take something like marriage and force it and shove it down in person's throat, you know what you're doing. And a lot of times we do this because it is my cousin from India, it is my brother and his daughter that we're dealing with here. So we do this because it is a relation that is close by. And in reality, what we've tried to do is cement that relationship. But I will tell you today, that what you're actually doing is destroying that relationship. Why? Because that young child is going to grow up or that young adult is going to wake up every single day next

00:10:49--> 00:11:32

to that person, they are going to have to see their faces, they are going to have to deal with them. It's not you as a parent. So why don't you understand that your child cannot get into a marriage that they don't want to, they will not be at peace, they will not be happy. Perhaps it worked many years ago. And it was wrong, even if it worked, how many people got married and lived with their spouses solely because our parents put us together? At the same time, as children, we should take into consideration our parents feelings. Understand that perhaps my mother is not happy with such and such a person. My father is not happy with such and such a person, I can let it go. The problem

00:11:32--> 00:12:23

is us as youth become attached to one person and we become fixated on that person. I'm going to get married to this person and it's nobody else. That's my either. Well, that's my word. There are so many people out there beyond that person. Remember, when Adam and Hawa existed, they were alone. Now there's billions of people across the globe. Why do you fixate on one person, when you fulfill your heart with the love of a human being, or the love of anything? besides Allah subhanho wa Taala that object will become the object of torment in your life. So Allah subhana wa Taala will test you through that very thing that you love. Do you know why? Allah created a space within your body that

00:12:23--> 00:13:08

is reserved for him and him alone, and you may love somebody else, but you've got to love Allah subhanho wa Taala more. The problem is, we say that it is this person or nobody else. I had a case where someone walked in and said, You know, I'm going to marry this person. And I really want to, even though he drinks, what happens, two, three months down the line, when all of the spark is now dwindling, and you're left with that person's drinking problem, he will walk in one day and beat you up. You will walk in one day and physically abused you, he'll use you and do all sorts of things to you. Why do you want to get married to such a person? I think when your parents tell you that this

00:13:08--> 00:13:59

person is not good for you, they want your goodness, they want your well being they want you to succeed more than they want themselves to succeed in a lot of cases. So, it is important for us to understand that yes, at the same time, as having all of these qualities with all having most of these qualities that Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam mentioned the most important of those is found to be there to do the teddy bear to duck be happy with the one or be successful with the one who has Dean May your hands be erupting dust meaning May you be prosperous, why? because a person who has dealt with a being whom you cannot even see what his eyes yet he treats him in the manner

00:13:59--> 00:14:44

that he is supposed to will treat you in a much better way Why? Because that person not only sees you but physically interacts with you, they touch between the two of you. So such a person will really and truly appreciate appreciate you. They only see the effects of the mouth of Allah subhanho wa Taala and they place the heads on the ground for him. They don't even see a bullet is that he will millennia coolness. Let me ask Rila The one who does not think the people will not thank Allah subhanho wa Taala Why? Because when you see a person and you physically interact with them, you see the benefit that is coming from them, you have received a gift you cannot thank that person with a

00:14:44--> 00:14:59

simple word of Thank you. Then how will you thank the maker that you do not see? So such a person is the one the one who thinks Allah subhanho wa Taala is the one whom you want to get married to either utter commitment of Dona Dena Whoo hoo.

00:15:00--> 00:15:40

Hulu for the Wii U when the one who comes to you have good character and good Dini comes to you then get him married while getting married, because even though he may not have a very brilliant job, yes, he's financially stable, but he's not a doctor. He's not a lawyer. He's not an architect, and handle Alhamdulillah he look after my daughter Alhamdulillah he looked she looked after my son. Why? Because she fears Allah subhanho wa Taala And do you know what? Allah horrible is that even Joanne talks about this one Leah starts even I mean Allah Angie doon Anika ha ha. Nia

00:15:42--> 00:16:29

and those who cannot find Nika, let them be single. Let them be chased until Allah enriches them from his bounty from his fortune. So Allah will reach them in the minute enrich them, the minute they find Nika, the minute they find Helen, why? Because they are engaged in that which he wants them to be engaged in. Do you think that a man or a woman goes 2025 years, not touching another person that they are not supposed to? And for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala with pleasure alone, and the day that they saved for your sake of Allah, I'm going to engage in this relationship, do you think alone discard such a person? Well, my

00:16:31--> 00:17:16

pleasure, Roger, the one woman law, the one who has the consciousness of Allah subhanho wa Taala, Allah will open up the doors, you know, we've come here and Someone may say that, hey, this is everything that we've heard before. We know all about this, we want to hear something new. But in reality, the all of the problems that we face before and after we say I do are related to one thing and that is the taqwa of Allah subhana wa Taala most of the cases that we have come to us because why my husband is abusive, my wife cannot control her tongue. Such and such a person is doing you know, such and such a thing to us. So they will blame blaming each other in the marriage, they are

00:17:16--> 00:18:00

fighting each other using this. So you allow other people to interfere in your marriage, you have all of these problems, there are so many issues that you will have because you don't have the template for loss of kind of what to add. But when you have that consciousness of horrible is that you Angela, then you will find yourself peaceful, happy, you will find the happiness that you saw require in that spouse because first and foremost, what matters to you is the happiness of Allah subhana wa Tada. Now carrying on a lot of bullet is that you Angela and says, he told her well, you have one obligation one duty. One thing that I'm asking of you what

00:18:01--> 00:18:19

we're having a shujaa Fateh. Guna Nina, me and don't come close to the street. So you will be from amongst the oppressors. So Allah Allah bullies that you will jealous is almost immediately for me forget

00:18:22--> 00:18:22

what are

00:18:28--> 00:19:13

they ate from the tree should say Tim came to them and said, You know what? Why don't you go close to that tree? Why don't you eat from it? Because Allah has stopped you and prevented you from eating from the tree in order to prevent you from becoming two angels or to be from amongst those who will live forever. So they ate from the tree. Interestingly, when they ate from the tree, when they disobeyed Allah subhanho wa Taala they disobeyed the law because they wanted to be with each other forever. So even the reason that they disobeyed Allah subhana wa tada was to be in that marriage. They loved it so much. They enjoyed that companionship so much that they disobeyed Allah subhanho wa

00:19:13--> 00:19:59

Taala to be living forever together. So this is the happiness that marriage should bring you. This is the contentment that it should bring you. Allah subhanho wa Taala says as soon as they ate from the tree, the private parts became exposed, and they began to cover themselves with leaves. And if we stop and pause for a moment here and think about this, let us understand that when they ate from the tree, and the private parts became exposed, they actually sit together and they disobeyed Allah subhanho wa Taala together, so as soon as they disobeyed Allah together, he exposed them.

00:20:00--> 00:20:45

Usually what happens in life, you committed sin. Allah subhanho wa Taala grants you cover. He gives you forgiveness, you go back to him, you turn back to him gives you a chance, you commit another sin, you commit any threats and sometimes you don't even turn back to Allah subhana wa Taala 100 times and you've committed that sin, He forgives you, you let it go. But yeah, Allah believes that you are gentle only gave them not even one chance he didn't even give them one chance. Why? Because they sinned together. They didn't hide the sermon from each other. They engaged in it together at the same time. So Allah subhanho wa Taala exposed them. My point here today is don't go and drink

00:20:45--> 00:21:34

together. Don't go and take drugs together. Don't go and do heroin together. Why? Because the minute you do, you have not had the shame of hiding away from the eyes of the people. So Allah subhanho wa Taala exposes you, sometimes we become so close to a person that we think oh, this is my spouse, it's okay. Let's sit and watch something haram together. And this is a serious problem amongst the youth today, you end up learning about your sexual intimacy, from where from pornography. So I want to learn how I should be with my spouse. Let me go and watch porn that is a lame excuse. What happens in porn is a TV screen. It's on a TV screen. And it is a thing that has been created by

00:21:34--> 00:22:17

actors is just as good as the movies that you watch. Yet you want to engage in your Halloween spouse with that which you see in porn. Really? How? How do you find this is going to help your relationship with law here. And you know, people come to me sometimes and tell me how can you speak so openly about porn? What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you, I have to ask. Because people speak about porn, everywhere out there. They'll speak with their teachers, they'll speak with their students, they'll speak to their peers, they'll see it online, they'll see all sorts of adverts, and so on and so forth. Yet when the Imam is trying to explain to you that this is how I am, you

00:22:17--> 00:23:14

shouldn't be doing this, then hate Ma'am, keep quiet, that's not your place. So the idea of this is built by society. And the man shouldn't give them any guidance. Why? You know, you have so many couples that sit down and watch that which they should be doing between themselves, then sitting and watching others do. And ultimately what happens, you see all of this eye candy initially, it's beautiful to the eyes, it raises your your desire. And what happens is your spouse gradually becomes less and less beautiful in your eyes less and less desirable in your eyes. Why? Because you've seen a model and you continue to see these models that are there. And you're watching the scene. So Allah

00:23:14--> 00:24:06

subhana wa tada removes the joy of the HANA. You know, the grass will always be greener on the other side. But what you don't see from your side of the fence, when you're looking at it is that there are weeds there. There is fertilizer they they are so the soil there. It's got all sorts of dirt behind it. But you don't see that all you see is this beautiful screen that was created for a few moments in order to earn a lot of money. So porn addiction is a serious problem. That saps away the marriage in your happiness in your marriage. Try to avoid it at all costs. And if one of the spouses is addicted to porn, then get them help. And don't expose that person. Don't go immediately to your

00:24:06--> 00:24:15

friend and say, Hey, you know I found my husband or I found my wife doing x, y and Zed. A man comes to a lawsuit of law sort of law. Why'd you send them Do you know?

00:24:16--> 00:24:59

I've committed a sin. I've committed Zina, please. A female had died a year. You know, bring the punishment. I want to hear me I want to be purified. So Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam tells him to go away. And the man who came who had encouraged him to go to the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam comes to the messenger. And also Lola sallallahu alayhi wa sallam tells him how last attempt there will be there will be when you saw him do doing this or you heard of him doing this. You should have covered him with your phone. You should have used a garment and hid him away from the eyes of the people. This is the attitude of a believer in Allah subhanho wa Taala what have your

00:24:59--> 00:24:59


00:25:00--> 00:25:38

Stiles, they're addicted to something heroin, help them, get them help try to get them off it, try to engage in conversation about it. But don't go out there and expose them. Do you know my husband is such and such a person? Do you know my wife does such and such, it is only they are no winners and losers in a battle in marriage. When you fighting each other, there are no winners and losers. When you lose, she's losing and when he loses, you are losing as well. So understand that Allah subhanho wa Taala has created you to cover one another. And this is why Allah, Allah bless that you enjoy. engelland says

00:25:45--> 00:26:36

you are a cover for them, and they are a cover for you. What do you find in a garment, it is the closest thing to your body, the closest thing in physical contact with your body, it covers you. It provides you the sense of self containment, security womb. So this is who you should be to your spouse. This is how you should behave, you should be providing them with warmth, Allah believes that he will generally didn't say that your spouse is like a government. He says your spouse is a gun. So when you go wrong, you are there to help each other back onto the right track. You are there to help each other reach Allah subhanho wa Taala. Whilst he is happy with both of you understand that a true

00:26:36--> 00:27:27

spouse will want to bring you to a long, happy where he is happy with you. And when you are happy with him. And this is why I'm selama hora de la Mancha when her husband, they were late on in the marriage. And she looked at her husband one day and she says, you know, if I die, I promise me that you're not going to get married to anyone. And if you die, I won't marry anyone. Because I want to be in Jenga with you. And about selama harrowby Allahu anhu. He says, will you listen to me if I tell you something? And she says yes, most definitely. And he made a dua. And this is profound. It shows his selflessness. It shows what relationship he had with a lot of bullies that you will gel

00:27:27--> 00:27:36

and he says a lot more on Santa Monica, Dr. Julian hire me. Oh Allah give him Salomon. Amen. Better than me after me.

00:27:38--> 00:27:41

And on Salomon love the alarm on her.

00:27:42--> 00:28:09

She witnessed the passing of her husband. And after him, she was so attached to him. That she says that I would think men how you mean? He said a man who is better than a bow cinema. How am I going to find a man like him? It was so generous. He was so loving, he was so caring. And literally Rasulullah Buddha, Mohammed Abdullah comes knocking on the door.

00:28:10--> 00:28:58

I'm here to ask for your hand in marriage. And that is who was better than Abu Salah rhodiola. So I have this relationship that will take you to humble is that you will July happy and if your spouse has passed on, then try and find somebody else. Try and find and try and get married. Why? Because if we do this, then you will find that the divorces will be married. People will have more Nika options available to them. And this is what Allah subhanho wa Taala wants ultimately, today, we've made everything allowed and easygoing, it's okay. Go out to do boyfriend, go out with your girlfriend, have a nice time. Go to the movies. Just don't sleep with each other. What do you

00:28:58--> 00:29:43

expect? This is a man and a woman getting together going out there to the movies, after they've done everything together. And they now come to you and say we want to get married. You say Haha, no, no, no, no, no worries. That is what is halon. That's what Allah subhanho wa Taala allowed in the first place. The minute you know that your son is interested in a girl say son Come to me. Come and sit here. Let us go and talk to her father or her mother. Let us go and talk to the guardian. Or the same goes with the ladies. You find someone you're interested in, go to your father, go to your mother or let the parents approach the child that you know you're interested in. So and So let us

00:29:43--> 00:29:59

talk about them. If they are the wrong option, they will guide you if that person is the wrong option, they will guide you. But in a lot of cases, we ended up allowing them to do everything except for Nika. Why? Why? Have we really adopted Western

00:30:00--> 00:30:29

culture and society so much that we will allow them to engage in that which is Hallam in order to protect our status in society. He didn't get married to so and so she didn't get married to so and so. So it's okay. Doesn't matter. Make me Kahala make it easy for the people. And Allah subhanahu wa taala will really and truly bring about Baraka in the society and in the community. Another problem that we have,

00:30:30--> 00:30:42

before I go on to that, this stigma that we have attached to a woman approaching a man or a woman approaching the parents of a man putting a proposal forward.

00:30:43--> 00:30:58

It has absolutely no basis in in Islam. musala Salatu, salam, he goes to a strange city, he sees two strange women, he helps them out and he is honest with him. So the lady goes back and says,

00:31:04--> 00:31:05


00:31:06--> 00:31:28

I mean, oh, my dear father, employing him, because the best of people that you can employ is the one who is strong, and he is trustworthy. So the father understood what his daughter wanted. And he says immediately, he calls Moosa and he says that he

00:31:30--> 00:31:30


00:31:31--> 00:31:31

tell you,

00:31:38--> 00:31:39


00:31:41--> 00:32:26

I want you to get married to one of these two daughters of mine, immediately understood the intent of the lady. And he knew what she wanted. So what is wrong with a lady going and saying to her father, I'm interested in so and so I really want to get married to him, please consider, please understand, I'm interested in the minute you say, not allowed impossible, yes, if the person is a drug addict, they are addicted to alcohol, there's something seriously wrong with them, then try and guide the child. But ultimately, we all know that we live in a free society, that child will continue if you block them for no reason, they will go ahead and they will leave you, they will

00:32:26--> 00:32:52

leave the community ultimately, sometimes it happens, they leave the community, they run away and they engage in this marriage. Why did you make it so hard for them? This is the some, these are some of the problems that we face today. There are certain problems that are common amongst every community or a lot of communities. And the first and foremost, I believe is cheating.

00:32:53--> 00:33:41

And this happens a lot in the UK, you know you have many people come here and they feel like ah, we can't talk about this. I don't care. If it's a problem. let's address it. Why would you go out and engage in a haram relationship with someone? If Allah has given you harder? You know, what happens is in the marital home, you have a fight. And these tensions are high, your blood is boiling, and you leave the home you go to work. And you still angry you agitated you come to you come to work. And you know, Tommy's standing there. And all of a sudden you say to him, Hey, you know, my husband's giving me problems. Or Sandy's standing, then you say my wife's giving me problems. She's

00:33:41--> 00:34:25

such an, you know, she's such an irritating person. I don't know what's wrong. And all of a sudden, Tommy's the best person in the world. It gives you a shoulder to cry on, come on, no, take it easy. Don't do that. Don't cry, you deserve better than him. And honestly, from there it goes to the coffee shop and from the coffee shop into the bed. Let's be honest, let's be live and direct. How many couples are cheating on each other, yet Allah how cool is that you will general gave you that which you should be which should be the apple of your eye, you should be focusing on that couple on that spouse. You know, the solution to this is very simple. communicate, communicate, communicate,

00:34:26--> 00:34:59

talk to each other, go back home and talk to your spouse if you find your spouse unapproachable. Write down your points and leave them for him or her to read. Let them wake up and see those points next to the bed side and understand that there is a serious problem here. Perhaps they are of the explosive nature with immediately as soon as you approach that person, they become angry with you. They start shouting you down. They write it down. You can send text messages to everybody else but your spouse explaining the problem that you have

00:35:00--> 00:35:15

Why Why can't you send your spouse an email, writing down that, hey, I've got such and such a problem such and such a problem. You dealt with me on this date at this time in this man, I didn't like it, please explain yourself, What happened there?

00:35:16--> 00:35:31

This is the solution to this problem. We ended up going outside and explaining to everybody else yet we have got the problem internally, how are you going to deal with this. So this is problem number one, GT.

00:35:33--> 00:36:24

The second problem that we have is comparing each other, comparing your relationship to a another. So or you are despondent with your husband, or you are happy in your relationship. And you go on to social media, open up Instagram, Facebook, whatever it is, whichever not taking specific names, but whichever social media app that you use, and you see someone Hey, this is Fatima. Wow, she's got such an amazing husband, look at them. They've got he's got a watch on, she's got beautiful dress on, and they're going to this exotic destination. Wow, this is what we should be couples goals. They call it you know, couples goals. Those couples goals are only the frames of what's really taking

00:36:24--> 00:36:53

place. You don't know the arguments that they have the fights that they have, the problems that they go through, all that you see is that which is beautifying. They want you to see the beautiful side of the relationship who's going to tell you that last night we fought, and we argued until he gave me one shot. Nobody's going to say that to you. They're all going to come and say take a look at my Rado and my Rolex and his and hers. And wow, it's also glamorous.

00:36:54--> 00:37:37

They are only showing you a certain side of the relationship, understand that use your brain that Allah subhanho wa Taala gave you. And, you know, sometimes you find this picture where the woman is holding the man's hand. And he's taking a picture from behind, you know, and, and you see them and in front of them is the caliber, wow, these are couples goals. You know, honestly speaking, sometimes I think to myself, that straight after that picture, they may have been fighting, but you have no idea. We don't know what happened afterwards. You know, it's time for a selfie. So let's take it Come on, take a selfie, it looks all beautiful and menacing you shouting at each other. So

00:37:37--> 00:38:16

you don't see that I don't see that don't compare your relationship to another human being another couple, you will not be able to achieve that because it in itself is not reality. You're aspiring to that which is beyond reality. So focus on what you have. Even if it is reality, focus on what Allah gave you, on the maximum level lecture on Alzheimer's, become the happiest person with what Allah gave you, you will be the most wealthy of people. Why? Because when you are happy in your heart, even a contender, even

00:38:17--> 00:39:04

if you have a content heart, for any family could dunya sir well, so you and the owner of the world equal, the one who owns the world, he has everything. You don't even have everything yet in your heart, you own everything. You happy with what Allah subhana wa Taala gave you your GPA, you don't even need to work as hard as he did to get the world and what it contains. So become happy with your spouse, look at her face and think of it. Think of the day that you married her. Think of how you looked at her on that stage, how you really wanted to be with her. Remind yourself from time to time. And when the spark dies down. It's normally three to four years and you're tired of each

00:39:04--> 00:39:53

other. It's no use your spouse, a Salaam Alaikum there's no longer any kisses, any hugs, it's ended, it's gone. Why? Because it's way down the line. Now it's all you know, there was a man who wants talking in a q&a session. And he stood up and he said, You know, when my wife holds my hand, I tell him Hey, leave it man. What's the point? You know, but he lost that in his relationship way beyond the spark. That's something that has something to say that they didn't get married only for a certain reason. They got married for reasons beyond that. Now, my point was that when the spark has died down, don't let it die. Light it up again. And make sure that you look at that spouse that go

00:39:53--> 00:39:59

on a holiday with your husband and wife alone and look at each other, study each other

00:40:00--> 00:40:42

faces and everything else you know, that which you're supposed to be seen. Why? Because that is your halaal that's what Allah gave you that is what you should have Baraka in. And if it passes, if it goes, the marriage continues beyond this point, then what law you will find continued in your relationship you will find so much happiness that you will not believe where it came from. Alisha hora de la Miranda. She says Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam standing in front of these Amazonian children that are playing in the messenger? Do you know what she does? He being the messenger, the leader at the time in Medina, dealing with people's issues all the time. He had, you

00:40:42--> 00:41:11

know, someone of that stature today and there is nobody like the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, but the CEO to bring it closer to our minds, would never do what she did what it will engage with his wife in the way that he did. She comes up and she snuggles up to him and puts her cheek against his her chin on his shoulder and she's watching. And Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam let her be. And then he says,

00:41:12--> 00:42:03

Have you had enough? And she says no. And then he asks, he waits for some time. He lets her be. He asks, after some time, have you had enough? And she says no yet again. And then for the third time when he asks her she says yes, now I've had enough. Do you know the reason I shadow the Allah Allah gives later on. She says that I wanted. Not only did I want to engage in this close, intimate relationship with my husband, be romantic with him. But at the same time, I wanted others to note that this is my relationship with the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Look at how she aspired for others to know how beautiful her relationship was, with the messenger, sallallahu alayhi

00:42:03--> 00:42:15

wasallam. And it was beautiful. It was amazing. It wasn't fake. It wasn't just a couple of goals. This is what happens when you engage with your spouse. So social media is a

00:42:17--> 00:42:20

is a problem. Social media is a problem.

00:42:21--> 00:42:25

And I'll end with this point, because I think I've spoken for quite long here.

00:42:28--> 00:43:12

apologizing when you're wrong, is absolutely important. Arguing to win is something that you should never do. Why? Because I just want one over this person, you know, all the time. He's always winning the argument today, I need to win the argument. Don't do that. Don't do that. Because you're there to communicate in order to reach a goal. What is that goal to resolve your problems and move beyond the minute it becomes about me and her us against each other? That becomes a problem. Why? Because you no longer doing it to resolve your problems, but it's about your ego. It's about winning over the other person. Rasulullah sallallahu I didn't even send them actually says and as an email

00:43:12--> 00:43:16

debating fee about the agenda chirimen telechelic Mira,

00:43:17--> 00:44:00

I am a guarantee of a person in gentlemen, a place and a position in general for the one who leaves argument even if he has the right. So even if you are right at times, give up why for the sake of your marriage, for the sake of love. For the sake of compassion. You want to live with this person forever. You want to live with them to death do you apart? So give up your opinion give up your rights and say it's okay I was wrong at times when you are not wrong. Now I'm not encouraging you to do this all the time because then you will be trampled over in your relationship Yes, he or she will trample all over you and they will use you and abuse you don't do it all the time. But sometimes,

00:44:00--> 00:44:35

why can't you do it with your spouse yet when you go onto the street and you engage with a man or a woman and you reach a point where you see this is going nowhere you say it's okay I'm sorry. You let it go. This is you sounds close to you. The one who the government for you. So look after this person. I hope that with these few words I've done justice it is not a course. We I can expound and go further and further we don't have time. we you know we spend days together. But Alhamdulillah I hope I've done

00:44:36--> 00:44:51

justice as far as possible to this topic. And we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to have benefited benefited us all. I mean, on some level with Allah or Baraka, Elena, Bina Mohammed, while he was a heavy edge marine