Hussain Kamani – Beginning Of Guidance 24

Hussain Kamani
AI: Summary © The speakers emphasize the importance of communication and permission in dealing with emotions and behavior, emphasizing the need for avoiding knocking on doors and embarrassing others. They also stress the importance of respecting parents and not giving up on their opinions, as well as avoiding giving permission for every journey and avoiding giving up on every conversation. The history of Islamic culture includes the use ofacing parents and the use ofacing children in a monster. The speakers also touch on the importance of avoiding scam centers; being caught in a scam and giving permission for every journey, and stress the importance of respecting parents and not giving up on their opinions.
AI: Transcript ©
00:00:00 --> 00:00:06

You're listening to the Calum Institute podcast series, beginning of guidance by saying Kimani

00:00:07 --> 00:00:17

To find out more information amongst the saints column course entitled the prophetic code, a study of prophetic manners and etiquette, visit Aleph, slash prophetic code.

00:00:19 --> 00:00:23

Haman hamdulillah and Allahu Akbar Suleiman, la vida,

00:00:24 --> 00:00:25

Susannah see

00:00:27 --> 00:00:32

me in a ski I was having an affair, I'm about a double medallion dedicated to student

00:00:34 --> 00:00:35

page 132.

00:00:36 --> 00:01:14

If you are a student than the manners of a student with the teacher are so the first thing in this chapter, because it is discussing the different etiquettes that are necessary for an individual. And first etiquette, which is the most important etiquette is etiquette an individual must have what they're creating lots of how to Mourtada, how to interact with the loss of final data, you know, how you should think of a loss of data, how you should Humble yourself in front of a loss of data. The second chapter one goes out of luck, it was recovered last week, covered a double alum, how to deal with this teacher, so actually adapted, Adam was more focused on how the teacher should deal with

00:01:14 --> 00:01:47

their student. So that was a very interesting discussion. Because it he geared that whole chapter towards the teachers that how you should be treating your students. Now on this third chapter, or that one without him he's now discussing that it gets related to the student meaning now how does the student deal with their teacher? So yesterday, we talked last week, we talked about how the teacher deals with their student. And today we talk about how does a student deal with their teacher, after this chapter was lucky, it then talks about that, while it in that it gets of how to deal with their parents. And then after that, the mumbles are the quotes closes off the chapter with

00:01:47 --> 00:02:20

three closes off the book with three last chapters, he says, I will then walk you through the etiquettes of how to deal with someone who you don't know, someone who you do know, and someone that you consider as a friend. And then he talks about these three and that's where the book finishes off. So today, we're going to cover inshallah, the etiquette of the student, how do you deal with your teacher, and we'll also cover the chapter on that it gets a how to be with your parents, it's going to be the first to greet. And so now he starts off the chapter by saying to us that there are certain etiquette and manners that a student should have with their teacher. And after we go through

00:02:20 --> 00:02:57

them, you can realize that there are actually 13 manners that he's listed here. The first of them, he says that Ayub dahu bit the he it was that you initiate or you greet your teacher with Salaam furs, you shouldn't wait for your teacher to come and say Salaam to you, when you see who you call your teacher, you should go to them and give them some, right. And when they say giving some, one of the things about Sam, is that when you greet someone, what you're actually doing is you're seeking permission from them. So when I come to your house, and I knock on the door, why I'm seeking Why am I knocking on your door? Why am I greeting you, and Sam tells me to greet you, when I come to your

00:02:57 --> 00:03:29

door greet you. The reason is because by me greeting you and you greeting me back, and then allowing me into your conversation or allowing me into your house, you're giving them you're giving me permission to engage. Okay, so when I opened my door for you, and I said I'm on a comment that I greet you in, now I'm giving you permission to enter into my house. But if I give you some time and tell you I'm busy, that means I do not give you permission to engage in your further, you need to not leave the gathering, you need to not leave my house, or I can't speak to you right now. So when you're giving salam, in essence, what you're doing is you're seeking permission as well. You're

00:03:29 --> 00:03:37

following the Sunnah of the Prophet by giving Sunnah. But you're also seeking permission. And one thing that I want you to keep in mind, and this isn't only related to the teachers, this is a general principle,

00:03:38 --> 00:04:13

that when you communicate with someone, when you have a desire to communicate with someone, you should communicate with them based off their convenience, not your convenience. Does that make sense to you? If you're communicating with someone, the principle is you communicate with that person based off of their convenience, not yours. So it's not we have this principle that when you go to someone's door, you don't kick the door down, you knock once, not twice, not thrice. If that person doesn't respond, that means it's not their convenience, and then allows us to go back home now. And don't hold any hard feelings in your heart, don't get angry, don't get frustrated, you just need to

00:04:13 --> 00:04:45

go back home. Okay? And Allah says that he has got to come this is something that's very good for you. It's purifying for you that feeling there is this hobby of the purpose of allamani was sudden, he said that I used to go to people's houses and knock on their doors. And I was hoping that one day someone told me to go back home and I would go back home and act upon that person to put on where I had been turned away from someone's house. So a very practical way of looking at this issue of going to people's doors and knocking at them. One of the problems is that we don't knock on people's doors anymore. And the reason why we don't knock on people's doors anymore, is because we're so lazy, no

00:04:45 --> 00:05:00

one goes to visit anyone anymore. The idea of visitation in our community is extinct. No one visits anyone. And it's something that happens once a month once in years. And those days visiting someone was very easy. It was very fluid. People would come by every other day and even back home if you go back to it

00:05:00 --> 00:05:05

Yeah, Pakistan, Africa, Middle East, you know, what are the how frequently does someone knock on your door

00:05:06 --> 00:05:36

fairly frequently, maybe like every two hours, every three hours, someone's gonna come by and knock on your door. And if no one knocks on your door, one of the kids will throw a cricket ball at your door to make sure you hear you're awake, that you're still in our country, and we're gonna come and just, you know, we're gonna come and knock on your door. So when someone knocks on your door, and you don't answer, you move on. Now, in our day and age, a very beautiful way of dealing with this, or practicing this understanding issue is phone calls. You call someone once they don't answer. Now, you should know that this is probably not a convenient time for them to take my call, leave it

00:05:36 --> 00:06:09

there. If someone doesn't answer your call. How should you respond to that emotionally? internally? How should you deal with that? This is a very important question. And I want you to think of it like knocking on someone's door, you drove all the way to their house, you knock on their door, they didn't answer how do you feel? You feel salty, right? You feel a little frustrated and angry? Why isn't the person not answering why they're not answer, why they're not answering. And you wait and wait and wait. And every time you wait, you get more angry, more angry. And everything is the statement. They say in the middle note that waiting is more severe on a person than death itself.

00:06:10 --> 00:06:42

You know, when you're waiting for your wife in the car, and they go by Hurry up, hurry up, and you keep waiting. And at one point, it's not cute anymore, you're actually very frustrated. Or you're you're supposed to be someone you're waiting for that person first for 10 minutes. Okay, no problem. 15 minutes, 20 minutes, and then you get frustrated. So here, we're being told that appointments are different here, we're talking about when you're trying to meet someone, or you're trying to call someone I call you once you don't answer. Now, spiritually at that moment, I should contain myself and remind myself that I should not be getting frustrated. Because that person isn't ready to take

00:06:42 --> 00:07:14

my call. by me calling that person I'm seeking their time. And they can give it to me. So let me move on. So now that's a general principle. Let's bring it back to the discussion. Even when it comes to your teachers, when you greet them. First of all, when you see them, you greet them first, don't wait for them to come and greet you. Secondly, when you do greet them, ensure that you have permission to be with them. And if you think it's a time that you shouldn't be with them, for whatever reason, if you feel that time that you know what, my shift is a little busy, you're my teachers a little busy. This is not a good time, he looks a little tied up right now, then just stay

00:07:14 --> 00:07:24

away. Don't, don't, don't don't disturb them. So you know, he's going to talk about this up ahead. But I'll give you an example. Right now, there's a narration that you'll find that if I'm correct as a Muslim,

00:07:25 --> 00:07:40

I will put it on a your loved one. your loved one says one night I was sleeping. And while I was sleeping, I woke up and I came out of my house and I was walking around in Medina. And he didn't really have a house or whatever the loved one is from this house sofa. One of the companions used to sleep outside the house the Prophet.

00:07:41 --> 00:08:12

Sorry, not. This narration has been fighting with your loved one. Without another party with your loved one says one night I woke up in the middle of the night, I came outside and while I was walking, I saw the purpose of the law while he was setting ahead of me he was walking alone. And it was in the middle of the night everyone else was resting. And I was there and the Prophet was in front of me. I thought to myself that maybe I should go and join the prophets of Allah Adios. And I should go, you know what a cool thing only me and him no one else is here. We're in the darkness of the night, I can spill my heart to Him, him and I can have a beautiful conversation. So he said, he

00:08:12 --> 00:08:43

said that when I thought of getting closer to the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. The thought then crossed my mind that maybe the Prophet doesn't want to be disturbed. That's why he's taking this walk in the middle of the night. Are you guys following this? Now he knows the etiquette of being a student. And he realizes that maybe this is the time my teacher needs to be alone. So let me lay off. But however I will that was a failure. The last one was a Sahabi who really wanted he was really keen for the Prophet. So what he said was, I wouldn't disturb the Prophet, but I'll follow him. So very secretly at a distance, he was tailgating, the prophet, he was telling the Prophet,

00:08:43 --> 00:08:43


00:08:44 --> 00:08:59

He was hiding behind a door, a little behind a cupboard. And at some point, the prophet realized that someone is behind him. So the Prophet stopped. He turned it on. He said, Who's there? So that was the law, one got busted. He came out and said, it's

00:09:00 --> 00:09:32

the province of a loved one, he was able to come here. So what do you want, he sort of must never lie, saw you walking, wanted to come walk with you. But I didn't want to distribute the profits that you wanted to walk with me. Let's walk together. And now there are two walking together. And while they're walking together, the professor along while he was sitting, he came to a mountain. Any point he said, Well, it will be a long one, that you see this mountain here. If Allah gave me this mountain, equivalent in wealth, I would give every penny of that wealth to the poor people. I wouldn't keep it all for myself. And when I look at that this statement itself, it really shocked me

00:09:32 --> 00:09:50

because if someone tells me that if I was given $100,000 if someone says to me, I'll give you $10 million, or $100 million, you know, a mountain full of wealth is not a few million, at least right? Maybe a few 100 million easily a mountain full of love. Someone said to you that I'll give you a mountain full of off much more than that.

00:09:52 --> 00:09:53

What would you do with it? What would your response be?

00:09:55 --> 00:10:00

I would probably say, you know what, I'm tired of being patted down on the TSA. I want to private

00:10:00 --> 00:10:31

jet, okay. And you know, I want my own, I want my own this, I want my own that own my own gym, I want my own car shop, whatever you want, you see it, you get it, it's your money. But here the Prophet is saying that if I had a mountain full of wealth, I wouldn't use a penny for myself. I would spend every penny of that wealth, and I would still be the same person. My clothing wouldn't change, my house wouldn't change, my furniture wouldn't change, my ride wouldn't change, my shoes wouldn't change. That million dollars wouldn't even a penny of what to come to me, I would give it to everyone else. He's teaching people that only thought about your loved one that lesson of

00:10:31 --> 00:10:32


00:10:33 --> 00:11:04

They continue on walking the process and a lot of money was sent him he then came to a point he thought there was a failure of the law when you stay here. And he said to him, don't move from here until I come back. So I was I don't know if it will be a lot one sat down. The Prophet walked on. And he kind of disappeared. Now, although it was sitting there and you can do these noises. And when you hear them when you heard the noises in the Prophet didn't return back for a while he got worried. So he got up to leave. But he remembered the Prophet statement that don't leave until I come back. So he sat back down. Now a little while later the noises went silent. The Prophet

00:11:04 --> 00:11:22

returned. When the Prophet came of without he came to the Prophet. He said our messenger of Allah, are you okay? The Prophet said, Yes. He said, I heard some noises. What were those noises? So the Prophet said a long audio said, said jabril. And Sam came to me. And he told me, whoever says La ilaha illa Allah He will go the agenda

00:11:24 --> 00:11:26

of the foreigner the loved ones that are a messenger of Allah.

00:11:28 --> 00:12:06

Even if that person did Zina, and he stole wins an hour in South Africa, even if he did Zinner, he committed adultery, and he stole from people as well. The Prophet said, what ends and our answer, even if he did Zina, even if he stole but La Ilaha Illa was in his heart the way it should be. He's going to Jenna. And will that he asked a second time what Enza no instead of a messenger of Allah even if he did Zina, the prophet said what ends and our insock even if he did sinner, even if he stole he asked a third time a messenger of Allah. Are you serious? What ends that? Oh, and you know, some people just don't want it to be Allah will make every attempt to make it Haram. I call them

00:12:06 --> 00:12:37

team haraam. Everything has to be caught up. So find a way to make things hot up. Even if something's hot out there. Make that hot on to no plastic plates. You want that to be around, we'll figure out a way to make it out for you. You want water to be around? We'll figure that out for you as well. There's a team of people who come team hot right? So I'm not I'm not attributing that that at this title to will that'll be funny but you know, his his personality was? Are you serious? Yes. The third time well, messenger of Allah, what ends an hour instead of even if he did Zina, even if he stole the prophet and responded to him, what ends an hour in Soraka, Allah Rama and

00:12:38 --> 00:12:44

he said yes, even if he did Zina, even if he stole even if a Buddha doesn't want him to go to agenda.

00:12:45 --> 00:12:59

unison, Allah rasa me and Ibiza, even if that means that we have to take a Buddha his nose and put it in the soil and ask him to That's enough, even then. So a lot of the fighting with your loved one whenever he is to narrate this Howdy. He's to narrate the Hadith, and at the end, he has to say,

00:13:01 --> 00:13:32

that person will go to general even if it means I have to be disgraced, even if I like it or not, that person is still going to genma Look at his humbleness, he still retained the words of the Prophet, he never cut that last part out, he could have easily cut that part out, no one would have known about it because no one else was there to hear the narration. But even that part, he related again, he related again, we said that even if it disgraces me. Now, the reason why I quoted this is because of the first part there that you do not approach your teacher, if you do not have permission, first of all, or if you feel that the time for you to be at a distance from your

00:13:32 --> 00:13:35

teacher, because that's their personal time, that's their time when they're alone, gee,

00:13:38 --> 00:14:09

not to speak too much in his presence. Second thing, he says that in the presence of your teacher, it's from the etiquettes, that you don't talk too much. Now, when he says don't talk too much, what that means is talking about things that aren't relevant to the gathering, or something that you're not benefiting from the teacher. So for example, when you're sitting in front of your teacher, you shouldn't talk about sports that's not relevant to the gathering, and you're not benefiting from him. And the scholars are people a fountain of knowledge, you should benefit from them when you're with them. Talk about things that are relevant, talk about things that are important. If the scholar

00:14:09 --> 00:14:20

engages in that discussion, then you contribute. But you shouldn't be the one that initiates the discussion. And you shouldn't make it an unnecessarily long discussion, talking about things that are not relevant things that are not important.

00:14:22 --> 00:14:51

Not to speak, by the way, here, I want you to pay attention. We're talking about etiquettes. Here not hold on, hold on. Okay, hold on. Hold on was another discussion. I clarified this at the beginning of every class, we're talking about matters. And remember, those only thing, a matter of the teacher is that you don't talk too much in front of them trying to minimize your words. Yes. Not to speak unless something by the teacher. If the teacher asks you to speak, then that's when you should speak. Now. That's a higher standard. First of all, he said don't speak much. The highest standard. What's this thing above that? You don't talk unless you're asked to speak? If your teacher

00:14:51 --> 00:14:58

says to you, what's your opinion? What do you think about this? What is your research on the issue? That's when you speak otherwise, until then you remain silent.

00:15:00 --> 00:15:35

Not to ask questions without first seeking permission and other issue and comes back to the first point that I mentioned, you should not ask a question until you seek permission first. So in our day and age, a good example is that if you see a shift, rather than going and saying shift, I have a question. You say shift. Do you have a minute? You guys agree? Or if you're if you're going to text rather than texting, the question shifts, I have a question. Can I text it to you? Or can I call you in five minutes? You always agreed to that person answering your question, seeking their permission before asking the question itself. This is also a very beautiful etiquette, not to say in

00:15:35 --> 00:16:07

contradiction to what he has said, quote, so and so another scholar says something different. So if your teacher says something, and you know, someone that disagrees with your teacher, you shouldn't say in the middle of the gathering, Oh, another scholar says it's because you're disrespecting your teacher by by not giving his his knowledge, the right respect. If your teacher is giving an opinion, even though there is another opinion, first of all, the chances are, if the teacher is a real teacher, he knows that that other opinion, it's like me going to a doctor and saying that, oh, I can take Advil but another doctor second take ibuprofen, he's gonna say, oh, wow, you just really

00:16:07 --> 00:16:33

intimidated me with your knowledge of you know of medicine, I didn't really know that, that you could take this medicine instead of that. So most likely, the teacher already knows the other opinion. Are you guys following what I'm saying. But the reason why he's sharing his opinion is because he thinks that's most appropriate. He's your teacher, you should take what's from your teacher, if you do want to share another opinion, then maybe share it at a time or in a in a conversation in a context that isn't disrespected. So let's say for example,

00:16:34 --> 00:16:57

later on, you come to your teacher, and he said to him, or maybe in the gathering, you could say shift. Your opinion was very beautiful, really enjoyed it. And just for our own understanding, how would we respond to the one who holds this opinion? Now, you just changed the whole tone, you're not being disrespectful anymore. The other tone is that the shift says to you, for example, three divorces stated by the husband will be three, and then you say, oh, but she says one.

00:16:58 --> 00:17:28

Now that's disrespectful, because what you're doing is that you're not giving the value of the teachers opinion, if you didn't have the value for the teachers opinion, you shouldn't have, you shouldn't have asked that person for their for. So what he's saying here, in essence is that don't object to your teachers opinion, and then support your objection, by the opinion of another teacher by another scholar. If you want a healthy academic discussion, that's completely okay. We don't say no to that. That's good, different opinions about fourth, we discussed we learn, but it's all about how you coin and how you state your how you state your statement, not to point out something

00:17:28 --> 00:17:47

contrary to his opinion, thinking himself more and more than this teacher. Now, first of all, he said that don't quote another scholars opinion in front of your teacher while making it seem as if you're objecting disrespectfully. Now, the second part, he says is, when your teacher states an opinion, don't state your own opinion that contradicts your teachers. That's like a

00:17:49 --> 00:18:17

degree even beneath that, what you're saying, but my opinion is in front of your teacher, you shouldn't be sharing your opinion, you should remain silent. And let it be. And like I said, if you do, like if you would like to learn and see whether your opinion is even valid or not learned the validity of your opinion. And maybe you can coin the question in another way that should if I understand your approach, and this is really beautiful, but this other thought came to my mind. And you know, I've been thinking about this for a while. What are your thoughts? So even your opinion, what you're saying is that this is what came to my mind, I would like for you to solidify it, or I

00:18:17 --> 00:18:49

would like for you to correct me on the issue. So you're maintaining humbleness, even when you're sharing your opinion on the issue. Not to whisper to another student in his gatherings in class, don't you know, in order to recall this kind of fuzzy, you know, you're whispering in this guy's ear whispering in that guy's ear, you know, this, like that. So that's disrespectful to the gathering, when the teacher is speaking when the classes being conducted, every person should face forward. And we learned this from a lot when salon is being read, can one person communicate with another person, silently out of honor or respect for the man every for the man, every person stands are silent, not

00:18:49 --> 00:19:25

to look around, or rather to sit with good manners. Even in the gathering, don't look around, left, right up, down, you know, try to give the teacher your attention. My teacher used to say to me that the more attention you give to your teacher, the more Allah shower Baraka on the heart of the teacher and you will learn more. You guys understand that? Depending on the attention that is given from the students, Allah blesses the gathering, but if the students aren't interested, then that blessing at the gathering is lifted away. So the most important thing is that I remember at mana Allah Khaled Mahmud Sam, when he came to Chicago, I think last year or the year before, he's a

00:19:25 --> 00:20:00

chief, he was the chief Chief Justice of Buxton, great scholar, very good scholar. He's also one of the teachers of shift I mean, from Donald Clawson. He gave lectures throughout Chicago, he given a storyboard on AI, and he also addressed the automa. He did like a half day seminar for the scholars at battle costume, and I had the opportunity to attend that seminar. And when I was there, I remember he started lecturing and we started writing and although on our writing, you know, multi santaros there there are many all the three ever done a mile this year where we all we all started writing his words. And he he immediately said that writing

00:20:00 --> 00:20:02

While the teacher is teaching is disrespectful,

00:20:03 --> 00:20:32

and we all stopped it, because because we're used to writing even when I was a student we used to write, it's a normal thing that you write down when the teacher is teaching you, I want you to understand this perspective, if you guys are writing, I'm very happy, keep writing, right? But I'm just sharing his perspective, it's a very beautiful perspective. He said, Don't write during the class. So we looked up at him. And he said, The reason is, because when I'm explaining something, I need to look at the person I'm communicating with them to look at me, we need to have a conversation. And then he said that if you really want to write, listen to the recording later on

00:20:32 --> 00:21:06

and take your notes in your own time, not in my time, because when you're looking down on the line of teaching, I don't get that attention that I need, and therefore I can't, I can't deliver the way I need to deliver. Hey, guys falling in here. So it makes a very big, big impact how the teacher and the student have that relationship that communication when they're speaking to each other during the class itself. Ji Soo, with good manners, eyes downcast as built in ritual prayer. So he's saying here is that when you're sitting in front of your teacher sit in a manner that's respectful. Now, if there's communication, if they're talking, they're looking at each other as okay. Otherwise, if

00:21:06 --> 00:21:37

you're just sitting there, try not to be disrespectful, whatever your understanding of being respectful is, do whatever you can. So here, he says, sit in a manner that is similar to that of one who is praying some meaning here, right? As we learn from Have you that you believe, but for example, if sitting in that manner causes pain in your legs, because you're not just accustomed to it, then sit in the way that's comfortable to you, while not being disrespectful. Okay, so in our culture is very common people cross their legs, like many of you are completely okay. The reason is, because that way you feel comfortable. And sitting in that manner isn't considered as being

00:21:37 --> 00:22:09

disrespectful in our culture, it's a very respectful way of sitting as well. So as long as you're not being disrespectful, that's okay. Yes, not to burden him with questions when he is tired or weary. If you see your teacher is tired and exhausted, for whatever reason, then don't ask unnecessary questions. Because if you ask questions, while the teacher is tired, there are two problems. The first problem is that he won't be able to answer your question properly. Why is that? It's because he's exhausted, he's tired, he's gonna have to drag his answer, maybe his answer won't be proper, maybe it may be inaccurate, he may give wrong references. And that's human, that's human

00:22:09 --> 00:22:15

nature, because he is tired. And the second thing is that that's going to add to his tiredness, yes.

00:22:17 --> 00:22:21

To stand when he stands out of respect, when your teacher stands up, and is also

00:22:23 --> 00:22:49

when the teacher stands up, it is also from respect to stand up with your teacher as well not to say behind sitting, when the teacher stands up, students should also stand up. And it's out of respect for that, yes, not to follow him from the gathering, talking to him and ask him questions. So once the gathering is done, once the class is done, that means the teacher must be tired. Think about it. Okay, you've been lecturing for an hour, 45 minutes, probably taking some q&a, on the way out, the last thing that he wants is for people to come more. And I know,

00:22:51 --> 00:23:18

it probably would make them happy to answer more questions, and the students would like to learn more. But once they're out of the gathering, it's best to just let it go. And the reason is, because that way, the teacher can kind of get their thoughts back. They've been lecturing for a while, let them get that energy again. And if there is something that's outstanding, maybe what you can do is ask them for a contact sheet. Can I take your email, I'll contact you later on chicken, I take your phone number, can I text you later on? What's the best way I can reach out to you with my question, rather than sitting there? Because then what happens is that sometimes the lecture is one hour, but

00:23:18 --> 00:23:50

the meetings after the lectures end up becoming two hours. If the teacher consents to it, that's another story. But teacher says, You know what, whoever has any questions come to me, I'll be sitting here. That's another issue. But one issue is that the teacher has delivered the lecture, they've done the q&a, and they're now and now they're going home. Okay, so there's a place in time for everything. You have to realize that even your teachers have personal lives, they're human beings, they have private lives. And you have to be careful of intruding into that part of their life as well. Not to ask him questions on the way to his home. And this is a very tricky one.

00:23:50 --> 00:24:22

Because I'm telling you, there are some people who actually are convinced that imams don't have a private life, like they're convinced of that issue. It's not that they passively believe it. They actively believe that, that scholars and shields are public property, you can it's kinda like a public toilet, anyone walks in whenever they want, they walk out whatever they want, right? That's not how it is. Your imams are members of the Muslim community, they are offering services, their services should be benefit when they agree to offer them and when they can't offer them. Whether it's because their personal weakness or their family commitments, then you should lay off and let

00:24:22 --> 00:24:56

them also fulfill their responsibilities that they have in their private lives as well. Not to ask them questions on the way to his home until he reaches there and gains permission. Now if you're walking behind him, for example, he reaches home. Don't ask them questions on the way there. Like I said, He's probably tired, he's probably exhausted. Let it be when he reaches to his destination after the journey is over. If you need to ask a question, ask him but if he says no, I can examine his private time. Let them be let them rest and not to form a bad opinion of him regarding actions that appear outwardly to be blameworthy, for he knows better about his own person. Now, sometimes

00:24:56 --> 00:24:59

you may see something in your teacher that may look like it's wrong.

00:25:00 --> 00:25:32

Write for example, I don't know, it could be anything. There may be something, you're a teacher, there may be something that your teacher said, for example, in class, and maybe you see him contradicted. Or maybe there's something in the dean that's talked to you, but you see your teachers contradicting that. So you shouldn't jump to objecting or make a sign, you shouldn't jump to creating a bad thought about your teacher. What you should do is privately approach your teacher and ask them shift the other day I saw this happening, can you please explain this to me? Right? I mean, a good example of this is, maybe there's a physician who might tell his patient to do X y&z

00:25:32 --> 00:26:07

exercise, but himself, he doesn't do it. And the reason is, because his body can handle it, but you don't know that you don't know that he has a back injury or he has a knee injury. And he can't do that. Or, you know, there are tons of example, hundreds of example of this nature. So that's why it's important that before building an opinion, you go and ask them a shift. I saw you doing this, I saw that happening. And as we all know, just as just as you as an individual have reasons for doing things that other people just want to understand. They may also have reasons for doing things that need to be explained. And that's why it's best to come to them, ask them get an explanation. But

00:26:07 --> 00:26:42

boron tells us actually, the plan prohibits us from building bad opinions of other people without investigating first. So again, the same thing here with the moms, this is a bigger issue because people expect their moms to be perfect. Because when they see their Imam preaching the deen they assume that that Imam is perfect in their Deen, when the reality is far from that. This is one issue that we have that imams who do marriage counseling, everyone assumes that because the demand is marriage counseling, his marriage is awesome. That's not true. He himself struggles with his marriage, possibly, but at the same time he has another that he's sharing with you. And that

00:26:42 --> 00:27:16

knowledge he's trying to implement in himself as well. So don't expect your mom's to be perfect. They're human beings. Everyone is growing. Anyone that claims perfection should be beaten up. Because their life no person, I mean, don't literally beat them up, but it's false. No person can be perfect. No human being can be perfect. There is no person on the face of this earth. Regardless of how big of Adam Schiff Mufti, allama Wali, you know, Pluto, or any person, any title you want to throw at them, you can throw it, but no person has perfection, perfection ended with a prophet that allamani was to them. That was it. It's done. After that there's no perfection until the day of

00:27:16 --> 00:27:40

judgment. So if you do see some fault in someone, whether it's a scholar or not, you go and ask them that I saw this, what's the explanation behind this, and in particular with your scholars, because if you create a bad opinion of your scholars without asking them to clarify that at the end of the day, you're the one who loses out because they had a reason to justify what they were doing. You didn't ask for that reasoning. You stop attending their classes, you're the one that was not them.

00:27:41 --> 00:28:05

That the sooner recall the words of Moses dictator. And a beautiful example of this is musala sama hydrolase, Salam hydrolase, Rama, Rama together masala Salam sees his teacher of Hitler doing things that don't make sense to him. And he, he's building an opinion he's objecting right away. And a lot of time I'm sorry, sir. Um, no, that's not how it happens. Because sometimes the teacher will do things that even you don't make that don't even make sense to you. You remember the story of Wilson? Right? Where he was?

00:28:06 --> 00:28:15

killed a child, he damaged the guy's boat. And then he he fixed the wall, even though these people were starving them. It's instead of coffee, you can find the details there.

00:28:17 --> 00:28:35

was only Islam said as mentioned in the crime. Have you made the holding the bullet to drown the owners of it? So he said you had a hole in the boat that could there be any logical explanation of this? If you were in a boat? Somebody gave you a fee? Right? Let's say for example, I asked someone here, can you please give me a ride to Walmart? And while you're giving me a ride to Walmart, I take my mug and I smashed your window.

00:28:36 --> 00:28:40

Could there be any logical justification for them? Yes or no?

00:28:41 --> 00:29:15

I mean, you can't think of one right? But human mind musallam couldn't think of one. He said this guy just broke this guy's I mean, if someone lied to my car and the hotel, that gives me justification to throw out the car. How can someone do that? And but here was also a massage. No, there's a reasoning behind it. But it's a reason that you don't you don't know. Yeah, this is a reason that he knows based off his knowledge, and that's why it makes sense. Yes. You may realize the teacher is being hard for the student. Maybe in class, there might be one student who the teacher is always picking on. Maybe this one she wants to know the cheaters always beating up. That

00:29:15 --> 00:29:32

used to happen with me. There was my teacher in his class. Yeah, la man. He used to beat us up. He used to beat us up so much so much. I remember one time, one of the parents came to mothers and said to my teacher shift, have mercy on that kid, right? He's only eight years old. My teacher used to say my teachers attempted

00:29:34 --> 00:30:00

to get out of my face. And even I thought my teacher hated me. I thought maybe someone did something to him. He's really mad. Maybe I did something to him. He's really angry. But I kid you not. After I graduated, I realized that he knew me better than I knew myself. I was one of those kids that had he not put that stick on me. I would have I wouldn't have memorized. Hold on. I really needed that Iron Fist You understand? That was my personality and he recognized that he put the iron fist on me until today when I go back to him. He's just

00:30:00 --> 00:30:00


00:30:02 --> 00:30:16

you read my stuff, he tells me, he tells me that I meet him. He was in New Jersey, I met him. And he's reminding me of the good days, but I kid you not when he used to hit me, I used to obviously, as you get in trouble for not learning my lesson or whatever it was, but on Saturday, the break used to be at 11 1215.

00:30:17 --> 00:30:52

So, maybe like 1130, he would tell all the hip students, all the students in the class, everyone gathered around, so they all gather around. And he would ask the students who did I hit most this week. And every week, all the fingers used to come at me, bad guy there. So then he's to say, Hussein, come to the front side, come to the front. And I kid you not, this has just happened very regularly. And he would say, read any chapter of the Quran you like. And I used to read, he enjoyed reading. And I was a kid. That's a beautiful setup. So I would read sort of a month. And after every ayah, he would make me stop, he would give it the wall. And the whole class would give me that he

00:30:52 --> 00:30:58

used to give the law and the whole class and say I mean, and I remember I was as 11 year old kid, I used to read a Rama and he would say,

00:30:59 --> 00:31:31

the whole class. I mean, and I would be in disbelief of that because I was eight year old kid who had been trying to become Harvard for four years and I had failed miserably. And when he said I'll make him a half as a student. Yeah, that's gonna happen one day, okay. I love going on. He said a lot make him a lot, Makati. Someone who recites a foreign property. I say everyone laughs at my recitation. That's never gonna happen. Next, he said Allah make you a scholar. And I say okay, that's never gonna happen. Then I remember when he used to come to the end of the sutra, he says Allah make you a Mufti. Well, now he, I'm not lying to you. And I say to myself, now he's mocking

00:31:31 --> 00:32:04

me. He's making fun of me, that could never happen. Like, in my mind, I used to think that will never, ever, ever happen. I was eight year old kid then. But then I realized that every one of my teachers was that he made when I used to read, especially that gathering of them got accepted. And it was such a beautiful gathering, because all the forefathers were saying, I mean, and the chef himself is making to the law. And it's happening while they're the recitation gathering of the Quran. So sometimes there are certain things that teacher may say, or do that you won't understand. But that, you know, they say, the harshness of a teacher is in mercy.

00:32:05 --> 00:32:06

But anything,

00:32:07 --> 00:32:23

the harshness of a teacher is actually it's a mercy. Because if the teacher is soft, the chances are that students are not going to learn. And in America, the problem is that people tell the shifts all the time, people come to me, they say this to me all the time shift. If you see me doing something wrong, correct me. As soon as I correct them, they snap on me.

00:32:25 --> 00:32:56

So why did you ask me to correct you, you told me that if I see something wrong, I should come and tell you. I'm telling you. That's wrong, right there. Right? No Second Opinion. And that person then snaps on you in return. So here, he's telling us come back to the original point, that don't build opinions of your teachers without confronting them on the issue. It's best to come to them, ask them, let them clarify. And after they've clarified, if you realize that it's just not adding up, you let them know, respectfully shift. At this point, this isn't making any sense to me. And then you can move on from there based on what's beneficial. Yes.

00:32:58 --> 00:33:05

I was mistaken, was he in his condemnation of Kimberly's actions, because he relied on their outward appearance.

00:33:06 --> 00:33:38

That's after it's done. Now we're going to talk about the etiquettes. Apparently, it's a smaller paragraph, we'll read this to each other, the etiquette of the child with his parents, if you have parents who are still alive than the manners of the child with the parents, are you hearing mumbles obviously, if you have parents that are still life, reminding us, those of us who do have parents, this is a chance for us to fulfill these advocates, those who have lost their parent or parents, you know, when they read chapters like this, they think to themselves only if I could do it. So those of us who have parents, and I speak to myself or for anyone, let us do whatever we can to be most

00:33:38 --> 00:33:55

respectful to our parents, inshallah, and Aziz. So now he gives us 12 etiquettes. For the parents, yes. To listen to what they say, to listen to what your parents say, the commentators they say, listening to your parents doesn't only mean listening to them when they're happy, listening to them also, when they're,

00:33:56 --> 00:34:31

when they're angry. When it adds laying the SmackDown on you, you got to listen to him. And they've got as far as saying, shut them up. Even if he's cursing you, you listen to him. Even if your dad is swearing at you, you stand there quietly, and you listen out of honor and respect for your parent, you don't speak back to your parent, yes. To stand up when they stand out of respect. Like we said, for the teacher out of respect for the teacher, we encourage people to stand up. So similarly, any respect or any honor that goes for the teacher, many more folds go to the parents. So when you see your parents stand up, out of honor, you should stand up to if you enter into a gathering, your

00:34:31 --> 00:34:59

father hasn't taken a seat, you don't sit down. And when you respect your father like this, the people around you are going to love you. I'm telling you, the most beautiful thing in society is when someone sees a child respecting their father. They It's amazing. Like there was a story of my teacher used to tell us I think I told you this story before that once there was a shift. He had a gathering and people were coming one by one to meet the chefs. They said, Ah, you know, ask for the wilds, whatever it was. So there was a father he was in line with the son

00:35:00 --> 00:35:35

He came to the front. And when the shift saw this, the small kid, he, you know, had mercy in his heart, he reached into his pocket, he pulled out a small candy and gave it to the kid. So the kid before taking it, he looked at his father, you know, kids do that they ask their dad for permission. So when he looked at his father, the shift started crying. He had tears in his eyes. And the student, the adult, he said, Sure, why are you crying? I'm sorry, if my son offended you if I offended you in any way? He said, No, no, I just learned the lesson of submission from your son right now. That before taking something he first asked his father for permission, said only if I as

00:35:35 --> 00:36:07

a servant of a law before taking anything from the dunya can ask Allah for permission first, that he Allah, should I take this? Should I leave it? And then you know, so you learn that the child Look how much respect he has for his father, and people are learning a lesson. This is an example. I showed you the example earlier on of the purpose of the law, how to set it up, right when he was going for the farewell Hodge, he told us to harbor rather than taking this pathway, let's take this pathway. And on the way there, this scenario is about to be alone, by the way, and when they were going a point came with a prophet sallallahu it was said I'm stood still and he should have cried

00:36:07 --> 00:36:10

actually this narration, he stood still he started crying.

00:36:11 --> 00:36:16

And the Sahaba said, a messenger Allah, why are you crying? And remember, I just did, what are the properties? How old are roughly

00:36:17 --> 00:36:36

63 last, and that is like 90 days left roughly for the past 229 days left. He's lived a long life. 63 year old he's standing there and he's crying and crying and crying. And who said about cinema, why are you crying? The Prophet said 57 years ago, when I was six years old, I stood here and I saw my mother die.

00:36:37 --> 00:37:13

And that's how he says publica Baba Qaeda, he continued crying, and everyone in the gathering should have crying as well. You know. So when you respect your parents, when you show love for your parents, the world around you will also respect you, their honor you they'll learn to love you as well. So here standard for your parents, yes, this admit to doing what they say, unless it's a sin. If they tell you to disobey Allah, then you don't submit to their order. But you are still kind to them you nicely, very kindly, respectfully, you know, reject their submission. But anything other than that you listen to them, you're obedient to them. And you listen to what they say, not to walk

00:37:13 --> 00:37:45

ahead of them, you walk beside them or behind them, but not ahead of them. Unless they ask you. Let's say for example, your father says, I'm going to sit in the backseat, I want you to sit in the front that's different. Otherwise next to them, or behind them, you don't walk ahead of them. When you enter into the party or mouth or anywhere behind them next to them. You go shopping next to them behind them. If you're going to go ahead of them, you tell them Mom, I'm going to go look ahead. Is that okay? She says go You go ahead. But always stand next to them or behind. Don't go ahead of them. And you have to remember, they're old. Right? And they're gonna be sensitive. So when you walk

00:37:45 --> 00:38:17

ahead, and they can't keep up with you, they're gonna feel sensitive. But you know, my child left me and he's gone ahead. I'm not healthy. I can't keep up. Why did he leave me like this? Always be with your parents are behind them? Yes. Not to raise your voice over theirs? To answer them when they call you to answer them when they call you. If your parents call you, you must answer them. You know, I said earlier on, when you call someone you need to speak to them based off of their convenience. The only exception to that rule is your parents. If your parents call whether it's your convenience or not, you have to you have to answer that call either to answer it and tell your mom

00:38:17 --> 00:38:50

Mom, I'm tired right now. Can you give me five minutes or whatever it is, but you have to answer you can hitting the red button when your mom or dad call is a sin actually, you're not supposed to reject the call of your parents. There's Ethan, Bahati, Mahajan. Arutz is Heidi is another one Muslim, that there was a man by the name of Jude Ah, this is pre Islamic incident. And you guys want to hear a story? Dude, he was praying Salah, and he was praying enough for prayer. And his mom called him he didn't respond. So then his mom after he finished his prayer, he went to his mom, his mom said, Why did you come so late? He said I was enough for prayer. So his mom said to him, may

00:38:50 --> 00:38:54

Edina, may You not die until the day comes that you have to walk past the prostitutes.

00:38:55 --> 00:39:30

And that was something very low, very severe, something people would dislike. You know, I would walk in that gathering and walk past these people. And he was a very pious person. Imagine like a chef having to do that that's a disgraceful thing. And why did his mom sit next to him? Because he did not respond to her while he was doing what? While he was working out while he was running around while he was doing shopping while he was at work. What was he doing? Actually, he wasn't sure he himself says what happened later on in his life was one day. He was a pious man who was sitting in his church. And he was doing as a bother he was worshiping. And while he was worshiping all of a

00:39:30 --> 00:40:00

sudden the church doors flung open. The army came in, he barged in, and they arrested him took him to the court. Now he's a pious man, what happened? Why is the FBI here? Why am I being arrested? He can stick into the court when he's there. The judge says to him, God, we respected you, we honored you. Because you're the most pious of us, we gave you a church that's unmatched. But now that we hear that you've committed adultery with the lady and even pregnant lady. Jason what you know, encrypting in priest, one common practice one common practice, what's a very common practice?

00:40:00 --> 00:40:36

of the plight of the priests, celibacy. I mean, Xena is out of the question. They don't even get married in the hudway. So he said, That's not possible. So then the king said, you've done something so bad that we are disgusted with you, the king or the men to go and demolish that church. They went into the muck, they brought the whole church down. And then after they broke the church down, the king said, Did you rage? What's your defense? You're going to be in punishment very soon. One chance, be quick. So then he said, Where's the lady who was accusing me? So the lady came forward, and in her hand, she had the baby. She said, this is the baby. And you did this with me. So today,

00:40:36 --> 00:40:40

it was a very pious man. Rather than addressing the lady who did the address.

00:40:41 --> 00:40:48

He spoke to the baby directly. He said, Who's your dad? And the child said, My dad is the farmer next to the farm.

00:40:49 --> 00:40:50

And we're quiet again.

00:40:51 --> 00:41:26

And then he walked back home. And when he was watching Pat, walking back, he was in tears, and someone asked him what happened. He said, this whole incident happened, because that law, my mother, when they arrested me, and they were taking me to the court, they made me walk past the area where the prostitutes were all standing. And my mother gave me this law many years ago when I was mad, because I didn't respond to her call. While I was praying so long. You guys understand that? You guys understand that. That's what they say. In Islamic history. There were four kids who I think four or five kids for kids in Islamic history who spoken from the cradle. You guys know who they

00:41:26 --> 00:41:27


00:41:28 --> 00:41:53

He started said I was one. The second is a kid from Yusuf Ali Salaam story. The third is the story from the trenches as habit of fluid if you don't know the story, it's an opponent, or somebody that guru will Yeoman mo Lucia hidden mama shoot patinas hobble odo you can find the Tafseer there. And the fourth is this child right here. This child of Judah he was the one who also spoke if I remember correctly, the fifth one, but it maybe slipped my mind. But if there isn't, there's four for sure. So these are the four kids Yes.

00:41:54 --> 00:42:31

To be intent upon seeking the good pleasure, your goal should be in your mind. 24 seven, how do I make my mom and dad happy. Everyday when you walk in the home, your goal should be to make your mom smile. Make her smile once at least make your dad smile once at least, even if that means you have to go and tickle your mom, you do that. But you make your mom and dad smile. So that way they give it to you and it shows otherwise your entry and agenda Yes. To lower to them, the lingo of humility. Don't be arrogant in front of them. Don't act all hard and tough in front of your parents will not protect us will not protect all of us. You know we get strong. Allah gives us a voice box. And we

00:42:31 --> 00:42:40

begin to speak back to our parents. You know, I've heard stories where young men have pushed their parents in laws given the strength. So that's how you use it.

00:42:42 --> 00:43:16

That Allah gave you, that's how you use it. And this is the same man who when he had strength, he's to carry you on his back, because he was worried that your feet might get tired if you locked a few miles extra. Never, ever, ever be ever get in front of your parents. Don't show off in front of your parents. Always make them feel superior. No matter how great you become. You're always a small child in front of your parents never become too big in front of them. Yes. Not to remind them of your goodness toward them. If you've ever done a fair a favor for your mom or dad never remind them that you did a favor for them. The Mom, I give you a ride that you're not supposed to do that. Or Mom, I

00:43:16 --> 00:43:39

bought you this or I bought your jewelry, or I paid for this, or I paid for the grocery or I paid for your house for other people go ahead and do it. But for your mom and dad for your parents, do you ever tell them that you pay the bills? Yes or no? Yes or no? You never mentioned it, you know, because the fact that you're paying for the bills, there's a Hadith of the Prophet that's very beautiful, and harmonically epic. You and your wealth belonged to your father.

00:43:40 --> 00:44:13

So you're not doing them a favor. You're just giving them what belongs to them. That's there's nothing wrong with that at all. And every parent, I always say, as parents, those of us who have parents, we are our parents retirement plan. We need to think of it that way that there's not a separate retirement plan for them. We are their retirement plan. And if you and I are 2530 years old, and we're not working to make sure our mom and dad don't have to work anymore, and we're expecting them to work until they go in the grave. We have a serious issue. Okay, so here he says that don't remind your parents of anything you've done for them. Because if they start reminding you

00:44:13 --> 00:44:47

of all the things they've done for you, you're in trouble. Yes. nor of the fact that you are taking care of their affairs for them. Don't remind them that you're taking care of them. It's just It's not fair because they took care of you all their life. And they never told you why are you telling them? Yes. And the fact that you are taking care of them. It's not a favorite of them. It's actually your honor. A lot of honoring you. Yes. Not to look at them as asking me with anger. Don't look at them with anger. If you're angry, look down. Don't look at them though. Now you know, sometimes you faces bloating read or you're very angry or biting your lips. Don't look at your mom and dad like

00:44:47 --> 00:44:59

that. Yes. Not to frown in their faces. If they say something you don't like them front in front of them look down and frown and not to travel except with their consent. Mom and Dad. I'm gonna be back home late. Is that okay with you? I'm gonna go here. I'm gonna go

00:45:00 --> 00:45:27

They're in particular as long as you live with them. And particularly before you get married, in particular while you're living underneath the roof, then as you get older, the rulings change because you've become more independent, and especially culturally as well. It's understood that there's no need for permission for every journey. But when you're with them, you're living in the same house with them, you're dependent on them in particular, make sure you take permission for them as well. So with that, we end that chapter. Let's just read this line here that will end know that after the categories above the rest of people who have relations with you fall into three further

00:45:27 --> 00:45:43

categories, friends and brothers, acquaintances, and people you do not know. So how do you know them? Either you don't know them, or they're your friends. And then from there, we'll cover that next week and shout loud Aziz. I pray that Allah subhanaw taala accept from us all along with that and say that I'm humbled law Allah He will savage me

00:45:44 --> 00:45:45


Etiquette of the Student and of the Child


Share Page

Related Episodes