How to Get Married & Stay Married

Hasan Ali

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Channel: Hasan Ali

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Okay, we see live Rahman Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa salatu salam ala Sayyidina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi nine are all Himalaya shape or the Raji Bismillahi Rahmani Raheem.

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In your hand Latina, double la havapoo Onan Sadie the Usili Halochem Arma Hola, como finlaggan Zoom welcome, roaming, they are in our rasuna HuFa called the first FL Wouxun. Now we see the clock robbing my dear brothers and sisters. Firstly I said I'm Alec Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh

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I think we can get a better Salam than that As salam o Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

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that's very good. Now let's get a quick hands up of how many people are married. You got to put your hands really high really high.

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Right. I can see some guy pushing the other guy's hand it's not. It's not right to do that. Yeah. Amazing. down to something. Okay, those of you who are not married hands up really high. Wow, we got a lot of people that are not married here. Right? Those of you who want to get married right now just say a couple and Nikka done. La ilaha illa Allah Okay, now, we're here for a session about getting married and staying married. And I can see you've got a big divide within the room of people who are married and who are not married. Now marriage is a wonderful thing. Okay, it's one of the best things that's going to happen in your life in sha Allah say insha Allah I hear a very quiet

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inshallah in the room come on guys have some hopes is the best thing in your life is going to have a look you get born is the best thing for the world. Right? You got born Yeah. And then the next biggest moment in your life is actually when you get married is one of the biggest moments in your life. You choose your partner, you get married, you have your own family and so on. And everything inshallah from that point onwards changes okay, you're gonna have a new life inshallah. Now you look forward to a lot of things. What is marriage about marriage is about you protecting your chastity, you protect your, your own honor, your dignity, you keep, he helped you to keep your eyes down, it

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gives you a family because you need a family for the latter part of your life. Okay, you need a family. Now a lot of people are like, You know what I'm gonna do, I'm not gonna get married, I'm gonna stay on my own. And we didn't do that we'll enjoy life. You can enjoy life right now. That's fine, you're 20 years old, you're 24 years old, you got your own job, you get 30 and you enjoy your life fine, you got your own flag, you got your own own, you know, on money and income. But what happens when you get to 45? When you get to 50? When you get to 5560? You're gonna find that you're gonna start seeing everyone's got their own families that have got their own wives, husbands,

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children and so on. Where's my where's my family? Because your family most of them before you look right now, look, you're young. Let me let me let me break it up to you. Because some of you might not understand. Because the new world is all about independence, you have to be independent from everyone can do everything on my own. I can do everything on my own. Right now. You got mom, you got Dad, you got siblings, everyone's young and so on. Everything's going good in 25 years time, 30 years time, they're all gonna grow. Alright, when you become 45, your mom and dad are probably not around, you got to start thinking about that there is something serious for you to think about. When

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you when you get old, you're going to find out there's something very, very different. You look at life very different. You need a family around you. So anyway, marriage is about a lot of great things, moments of happiness, you're going to share with one another. You need the other half you need a partner. Why? Because Allah created us as opposites, any opposites he created. They need each other. Alright, the night needs a day the day needs a night. These are opposites. Allah created that we stay in harmony with one another because we want one another. Allah created the man and the woman in that way that the man is not happy until he has his woman at the Malissa Salaam. He wasn't happy

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until how wha was created in Ghana. He had the whole of Jana. Imagine this the whole of Ghana to himself. And he was became it became you know, it was lovely to be in Ghana. But he had something missing. He wanted to share it with somebody he didn't even know because he never even saw another human being. He didn't know. And one day Allah azza wa jal, he created Hawa he just fell asleep. And then when he opens his eyes, he sees this beautiful person. Oh my god. She's so beautiful. And she has what he doesn't have. And she has what he doesn't have. He was beautiful. It was this was this is the epitome of your life.

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is the best part of you, are you you get to be with the president of the UN those things which the other person doesn't have. But it comes with the price. You understand guys, you don't understand. When you have something which the other person doesn't have you are different from the other person yes or no? Come on guys come and do the maths man who was the man who did the maths, we talked to me when I'm talking to you. Yeah. So guys, come on, it comes to the price because you got to know how a woman is. You got to know how a man is. Man has distinct qualities, woman has distinct qualities. And they've got to know each other, they've got to navigate with one another qualities. And if

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you're good at that, and if you know what's happening, then you'll have a good time. Otherwise, if you start if you want to pick if you want, I'm just telling you straight up to the men right now. Some men are like no, I want the woman to be like this. I want them to think like now with a woman to be like me, I'm a woman to act like me. Well, if the woman was like you and talking like you're an act lucky then she'd be a man.

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And the shame to a woman. What are you women doing? You want the man to think like you to feel like you to be like you to be like all your friends and so on No way, he's gonna be a woman. And that's not what you wanted. You want them to have the opposite qualities and that's why you were attracted to one another in the first place. Okay, now you're gonna have inshallah a wonderful life. Now this whole session is going to be about finding your spouse, finding the right person and staying with them for the rest of your life in sha Allah say insha Allah. Come on, guys. Insha Allah. Good. Some of you like in a marriage, you're going to, and I'm going to test the out in the Aussie for lucky

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yet. If we're lucky or keep if I don't like you, I just replace him it like an amazon.com. I just order something that comes home yet. I got engaged in policy in it. I just do turn it back when I don't like it. What's wrong with you? Not? Seriously, you're gonna look at marriage like amazon.com You're gonna look at marriage documents can be replaced. You know, there was actually there was a real interview of a eight year old man and eight year old woman. They were married for 60 years. And they had an interview on the 18th. On the 18th year and the six year anniversary. They had an interview. And they were asked what made you guys stay together so long? And you know what they

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said? The man said, he said we were born at a time when our toys broke. We mended them. We didn't replace them. You guys get that?

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Like one some of you get in it. Now some of you are not getting the car. You guys got a yes or no? Right our day and age what is it? You find something that is broken you straightaway you replace it? It's the Tick Tock generation is a snap that generation quick, quick, quick, everything quick and get it done, you know, move really quick, fast and get it all all together? No way. No, that's not what life is. If you've seen all these things about getting getting in life becoming rich, so quick and becoming so so famous, so quick, and so on. This is not what life is about. Life is about taking the easy relationships are built over time and they take time to build. So what do you want to do

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when you when you first going out there you're looking for someone to get married to first make sure you find the right platforms to get married.

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the right platform, the wrong platforms. The right platform is that you go through family members to find somebody you go through friends, you can go through your local Imam you can go to local masses I've been telling people to try and open and try and create a database within every single Masjid that the masjid should become the very very, the very piece of making the very foundation of making all these marriages happen and the masjid database it should be connected with other massage other masters around that will be the most wonderful way of getting us finding relationships and so on. But not every Masjid is is doing it but I'm actually saying this and I'm saying this is going in the

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recording as well. If you're a massive committee member, right? What you should do is you should try and get people to have their profiles with you in the masjid. Okay, you don't need to keep photos don't You don't need to keep any photos. You just need to know Uncle Sam so wants his daughter to get married that's it and Uncle so and so wants his son to get married. So what do you say you say uncle you talk to that Uncle, this uncle talk to this uncle acid. Alright, if they if the two uncles in the masjid, they kind of click and they say okay, they can move forward with all of this. If not, then they can just end it there. There's no need to have all these other things that you need to do

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anyway. If that is not possible, okay. And you can't get it done through family friends or whatever. Some people turn online right now online, there is a world of you trying to find a spouse, okay? There is a world and there's a genuine world. However, most of the matrimonial services out there the Muslim ones, okay are plagued with people that are not serious. They're not serious about marriage. That is that is the fact only about 30

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percent of people on those sites are serious about marriage. So in this case, I'm going to ask the sisters to please more than the brothers brothers do. You have to protect yourself you have to protect the Dean anyway. But the sisters are more vulnerable, right in this regard. And we know that we know the sisters become more vulnerable. So I'm going to ask the sisters, please put your mom's number on your profile that this is the contact number, call my dad, my dad's gonna pick up the phone. My older brother is going to pick up the phone let the guy know this. Because if he then calls and he starts, you know, wanting to fly to whatever and your dad's on the floor phone, he's

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gonna go Hello, hi and hello. Okay, please. And I'm saying he's gonna get the message if he thinks that he's just chat to you and sisters need to also protect yourself. Why? Because you're going to think well, it's a bit of adventure is fine. I can talk to him without my dad's, you know, without my dad's contact without him coming in between, I can have my

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my brother on the side. I'll use them when I want. But you're now going to join danger. Because what happens next is the brothers. Okay, that are on there. Some of them are not serious. They just want to just want to mess around with you. I just want to get you in a place where it's haram. Okay, and not only the brothers are messing around now I'm getting a lot of report sisters are messing around. Right this was this is in the new day and age sisters are messing around the coming on the sides. And they asking, you know the thing Yeah, let's just go. Let's just go and see each other. Next stop is Costa Coffee. Next stop is a coffee shop. Next Stop stop is going to be in a place where it's

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alright. So and they justify. They say, You know what, it's all justified how they say, you know why we're in a public place? Whoo. You're in a public place. Are you? Yeah, but what about your private conversation on that table is private Rasulullah sallallahu has told us no man gets together with a woman in secrecy, except shaytan is the third amongst them. Right? You might be in a public place, but you're on a I know you're on you're on a table. That is that is that is in a public place. But your table is private, your conversation is private, and therefore it's not allowed to be there. What should happen is that if you want to have a conversation if you want to and you shouldn't get

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to know each other, and try and find out about each other before marriage, but it's supposed to be with your mom with the sisters father, their or her older brother, someone who's gonna who's gonna prevent the loose talk from happening. It's for your own protection, my sister, and it's for your protection, my brother because next thing you know, Xena is around the corner from that from that Costa Coffee Shop from that coffee shop. Next thing they're gonna, you know, they're gonna go to a hotel, it starts from the lobby of the hotel and it ends up somewhere else, you know, they're going upstairs, you know, like, they're going they're going to something which and the thing is the man

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justified? Am I justified? No, we're not going to touch him there. We're not going to do anything. But you know what? Rasulullah Salah has already told us how it all happens. Okay. So yeah, he's a Muslim. He's told us that they is committed about wanting to listen to the first he said the eyes the eyes coming soon about wanting to see then it's the is that want to listen, then it's the tongue that wants to talk. And that's a small dinner that happens is move for negation of the tongue tongue that happens. Then he said about the feet that want to walk and the hands that want to touch and then after that, he said the actual dinner that is there. And this is something that is happening. I

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want to tell you from real stats out there was taken from American youngsters and and Canadian youngsters in a real research. You know what, two out of three of them have already committed dinner before marriage. Right? And this is not far away from the UK. The stats won't be far away from the UK. It's very, very sad that this is happening. Now you want to get married? Yes, but please protect your akhira more than anything else. You don't want to go to the akhira with the debt of a sin of Zina. Because what happens is this, you get to the Acura, you've got two things that will happen and please notice that the Acura is going to have one of two things for you. It's either going to have

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straight up punishment or it's going to have straight up rewards and a blissful life. One of the two you don't get nothing in between right? In as long Hadith Hadith the Prophet sallallahu Sallam saw a dream with the real Ali Salaam and he saw a whole huge pot and that pot had fire inside it. There were naked men and women inside it they were being burned so fiercely that they will be tossed up and coming back straight into the pot toss up and into the pot is screaming the screaming and the props Allah's and later on inquired what did I see here Jabril Gabriel esalaam said these are the men and the women of your ummah, have committed Zina that I've committed the Haram act. Okay, now,

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what's the opposite? And I'm telling you, there's gonna be people here sitting here right now who've got haram relationships going on. There's a simple

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thing that is either black or white in the akhirah. Either you're heading for punishment, or you're heading for this other side, which is what, which is that the Prophet sallallahu has told us that on the Day of Judgment, a person who said in the world who was in the world, and he had a woman who said to him, Come on, let's do it, a woman of beauty, a woman of good lineage, she said, Come on, let's do it. And he said, in a half Allah, I fear Allah or she did that with a man. She said, I fear Allah and they never went to that act. Because of that Allah will call them on the dangers and he will put them under his throne on the Day of Judgment, the only shade that exists on that day, and

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they will be honored in the presence of the Prophet alayhi wa salatu salam so you choose which pathway you're gonna go to. If you have had a haram relationship. If you've done something haram, you better the Toba? Just seek forgiveness because it's very serious once you die, so don't risk it. Just just for a biscuit. You know, I'm trying to say like, just for the biscuit don't risk it. Okay. Now,

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one of the things that young people say is this Well, I'm not ready for marriage. I'm not ready for marriage. What do you mean you're not ready for marriage?

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Are you and you got to ask yourself a question. What position are you in? Are you have you got a need for marriage? Right? So answer that question because Have I got a need for Do I really need to sleep with with the opposite gender? That's a need? Okay. Don't have that. Well, if it's a yes, you need to get married. If it's a no okay, you can probably delay for a little longer

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am I able to financially for the man? Am I able to financially look after this person gave him getting married to if it's a yes, then you have to get married. You got a need and you got the money is foreign for you to get married to that woman now if for for you to find a woman to get married to her because you're gonna go towards haram? Have I got the financial means to look after the woman? No, then you then you better now start to look for the financial means. Or try your best to find something where you can convince a family Okay, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that. Well, you know, there can be situations where they can help you as well. And I want to tell this to the

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parents that are over here just because a guy comes over and he doesn't have a job, right current job but he's got a degree you know that he's going to be able to work. It doesn't mean you say no to him straightaway. If he's got if he's got good Dean, if he's got good religion, if he's got a good background because Musa lights around. According to Sudha, CASAS he was on his journey, running away from frown. He comes across these two women long story, the father in law, who is the who's sort of his future father in law, he suddenly called him over and then his daughter gives a sign that she wants you know, she wants to, she wants a father to employ him. The father understands that the that

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his daughter wants to marry Musa alayhis salam and the father to a jobless man who's on the run. But he's he's good qualities in this man. He sees that his man of good values. He's a prophet, obviously.

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He's going to become a prophet. So he's going to be at that moment. He wasn't a prophet, but he's so good qualities in him straightaway. He said, he said to Musa Sarang. He said, How about if I employ you and you can you can marry one of my daughters and in return, basically, you're going to work for me for a few years. And the deal the deal was sealed, right? It's in the Quran. The Quran is telling us like when you see a good person to come along, help them have you seen a good person? What does the good person mean? A good person does not mean that they've got you know, a good look. Okay, some of you Dum Dums don't understand that. I'm sorry. It's gonna have to be said like that a good thing

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does it mean they've got a nice beautiful face, which most of us die for? Oh, my God.

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It looks and the men are like, Ah, she's mine. Yeah, she's mine. You know, I'm saying that's gonna be my wife. You know, there's gonna be my word. That's the whole thing is about looks. And the thing is that you guys don't even understand is the online when they put their photos on. It's manipulated. is enhanced. Samsung does a very good job. It makes you look better than what you are. You take a photo with a Samsung phone with one of the latest Samsung phones, right? You take a photo, you look at it.

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Is that me? You get so happy and then you look in the mirror and you get depressed?

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Because the photo makes you look better. And you know what you do you guys do you young people, you put that photo on that? See, the guy is gonna see me when he sees me. He's gonna fall in love with me.

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Wait till he sees your real self. That's a real fear. Honestly, I'm gonna ask you to do one thing like honestly, please do yourself a favor. Don't put so much expectation with your image online. Put a nice photo a real photo be real with yourself. Because you got certain cases when the guy actually sees you without any you know, without anything in your face without any enhancement, whatever. The guy's gonna be probably like what in the world like seriously, you're not even her sister. The one that I saw. You're not like you don't even look like all instances. I had one case one case from the Midlands real case, right? They they found their daughter in law to be daughter in law right? The

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mother and the sister

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They even took her out for shopping everything they want you to really just see her. She was so nice everything she looks really nice, beautiful, all of that kind of stuff yet very nice.

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They did that before marriage after that they got married. And then after the night of the marriage, when that woman who just got married, was coming down the stairs. Early in the morning, the family thought someone broke in the house.

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Their family Lucia who's

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not sister, my sister's low. We love you for the sake of Allah. But you got to understand there is a real view. And there's a different view I would the men as well I've heard La hawla wala Quwata illa Some men are also using that foundation and I'm saying I'm like La hawla wala Quwata illa Villa What's wrong with you guys? Man? Seriously, but there's a real you my sister and you want your man to fall in love with the real you who the real you is because once he does that whenever you use makeup after that in front of him he's going to love you even more right but when you when you start off with so much makeup on and then you want him to fall with this face of the makeup face then he's

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fallen in love with this face that took you two hours to make

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some of you don't want to admit it. True noggin tell me

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to the bottom number

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and

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some women have to spend 40 minutes on that face some women 60 minutes some women more than that. And the more they work on it you know they can they can do certain things they're faced with you're going to be like wow like they can make a bloody nose look sharp through makeup. And the women are laughing they know what I'm talking about. They exactly know what I'm talking about. They can make you know a woman without high cheekbones look like she's got high cheekbones. They can make a look like she's got a thin chin but you know what her chin the same but she just used makeup in a way that you just look at it you think that she's got nothing chin next morning you wake up she's got a

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bloody nose you got a big chin and she's got no cheekbones or you look at how you think all the blemishes on Rajim

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La hawla wala Quwata illa Allah and guys look you got to also do the same thing as well right Be honest with yourself if you got a potbelly yet you got a potbelly bro okay don't try and like

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you know some guys they fell on it you know on the pitch and

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quickly, quickly. Oh,

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my God, be honest with yourself, man. You want to make him make a thing that you got some kind of six factor on the right and then the date the day she gets married to you after that she sees that pork belly. She kind of thinks that I didn't I didn't sign up to marrying Santa Claus. Right Father Christmas inbred, I didn't know I didn't sign up to that. Okay, now come on. If you if you got the means to look after, if you got a need, you must get married. Same with a sister if you got a need, that you need to be with a man you know when the time comes, then it's time for you to be with the man. Now what do you do when you're going to try and go for the means of trying to find the person?

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Okay, let's say fine. Let's say fine. You find the person you got environment both right? Now you're going to ask your questions. Now when you ask these questions, what are the questions you're supposed to ask? What are the questions posted? Because most people, they muck this up?

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They go like they sit there they go like

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do you practice a theme?

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And the guy was a participant in

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you guys, man. Honestly, seriously tick tock generation stuff that generation few seconds, you get all the information? Is that the question you're gonna come up with? Do you practice today? Yes, I practice Monday. That's it. Can you just explain that a little bit? Most people get whacked in the face after marriage. When they when they've asked this question before my day, no matter what hit them. You know, when you ask them? What do you practice your D? That could mean do you practice your deen once a week? Of course, or do I go to Joomla? Do you practice a day? Yeah, I've got a hijab on my head. I wear this hijab when I want it similar to a BMW six coupe that has a convertible you like

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you know, it goes up and down insane. And you find out later on that he doesn't even wear the hijab often. And she finds out that he she asked him a question. She said, Do you pray your five daily prayers? And he goes he goes yeah, I do. I struggle with my father sometimes. But he said five daily prayers. You know what that means? He prays five daily prayers when he wants right and then sometimes he's missing missing a shot. Sometimes he's doing sometimes not right. You want to ask a different type of question. You don't want to get into a yes or no. You know what you want to ask? Do not ask you and ask the brother. Alright, he's gonna ask him about his salah. You say? Are you

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going to be ready for the same question come to yourself as well. You say? How many prayers have you missed in your life? Right since you became you know

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Since we get to the age or that we have to pray the same. Well, you can start with yourself. And you can say, well, I missed this many prayers, but I've been making up for prayers. And now I've been praying all my salads since this time. Now that's a different type of way of of knowing a person, because now you've got a history. If you don't know what the system, you don't just say, Oh, do you just wear hijab? No. How long? Have you committed to wearing hijab all the time? How long? How long? Come on, this is history. Are you guys with me? So now come on. Some of you like shake your exposing me shake you give yet but this is the truth. You don't want to get into something where tomorrow

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you're going to be like fighting one another because you thought he gave this answer. Or you thought practicing demons or his practice and then what I had in my head of practices, and then he had something different when it happens all the time. So you better start explaining things, you better start asking questions that have got scenarios. I'll give you another one to do. Instead of asking the guy you know, sometimes they ask these questions. Do you get angry?

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What do you think the guy's gonna say? Yes, it's the you know, when I get angry? Yeah, my veins pop. Right? My eyes are big. Like, you know, you know, you read the story about the Little Red Riding Hood. Yeah. And the wolf. Well, that's me the wolf. And you're going to be Little Red Riding Hood on the run. What do you think he's going to tell you that? No, he's not. So what do you do? How do you ask the question about anger, actually how you do it, because everyone gets angry. Sisters included, so no one.

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Just a few sisters said that the rest of you have suffered a lot of the

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we've got different ways of getting angry. Okay, now we all get angry. We've all got anger, some point of our lives. It's the thing inside you, you have to get angry. If the guy says they never get angry, the girl says I never get angry. They're lying to you. So what you say is this, you say? I'm going to tell you a story about one thing that really made me angry the most in my life. And then I want you to share a story as well. And you tell your story. That's how you do that's just that's really good. You're, you're opening up right? Big emotions, talk about happiness, say I'm going to tell you about one of the happiest moments in my life. And I'm gonna tell you this, why I was happy

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and what happened and so on. I'd like you to do the same with as well. Brilliant. Now you're working on emotions, good and bad. And you bringing it out? I'm going to tell you a moment I felt jealous in my life. Right? I shouldn't have done it. But you don't really tell you. I hope you can share what one as well. I'm never jealous. Never never felt anything inside you all. I want you to tell me a moment in your life where you felt sad. Why did you feel sad? What happened? I want to I want to tell you about an argument in my life that happened. And I was in this particular argument. And this is what happened with that. Can you tell me one as well? So none, none? No, you're now opening

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scenarios. It's not a yes or no question. Are you guys with me? So no. Come on. Some of you are still getting on the bandwagon that I'm talking about. Let me give you another one. Okay, another good way of opening up is to talk about your life in chapters. Okay, so you say my life I'm going to divide it into chapters, I want you to do the same thing. Right? So chapter one is going to be every time chapter one or one chapter is going to be what I moved from my early memories of primary school to secondary school. That's one chapter. Chapter One is my primary school. Chapter Two is my secondary school. Chapter Three is going to be my college life. Chapter Four is going to be my

00:28:15--> 00:28:45

university life. Okay, that's set of chapters. I've got another chapter I want to say, which is every time I moved houses, okay, this is one house I moved to another house. That's a separate chapter that I moved from the house to this area, separate chapter. And I'm gonna also tell you every time someone came in my family newborn baby, this is another chapter every time somebody left the family that's another chapter. These are brilliant chapters in life everyone's got those chapters. Now what you do is you go into those chapters and you start describing those chapters you talk about the friends you had in those chapters, you talk about the memories you had in those

00:28:45--> 00:29:27

chapters and some people get so much in love with the person they can't see anything beyond just that person yes or no? Yes right and you better not be blind because he told us he said hope Luca che at your Meek I'll come out I'm gonna call Alyssa salaam He said your love for something can blind you. It can blind you sometimes. Okay? So don't be in a position you want to ask questions. You want to get to the bottom of who you want to get to the person inside guys wake up. You want to know who am I living with? You tell me these guys tell me this year and you tell me girls right? If you had a man, I'm asking any woman here you had a man the guy's Mashallah. He's perfect. He's got

00:29:27--> 00:30:00

the muscles. He's got the six pack. He goes to the gym. He regularly works out. He's got the financial status. He's got he's got all that all. He's got the money. He's got the looks. He's he looks Prince Charming. Okay, so already some of you are like, you know, smiling. You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's my kinda guy right now. You get married to him. After you get married to him. He treats you like trash. He doesn't give you his money. He's stingy with you. He talks to you rudely. Is he a nice guy anymore yesterday about Tommy. Thank you was

00:30:00--> 00:30:41

see a nice guy before that? Yes or no? Yes he was and don't lie to me. You were looking and thinking That's my guy. Hey, hey, don't move forward. Yeah, guys tell me this a woman right? Beautiful from top to bottom. You look at that and you melt. You're like she's my Barbie. Not Barbie but Bobby You know I'm saying, right. And she's the woman I'm gonna make your mind I'm gonna do everything for her she's got to figure she's got the locks she's got the charm. She's got the walk. She's got the beautiful the soft voice and all at once you can mount to her her tongue becomes a machete

00:30:43--> 00:31:15

she chops your bro bro you don't even need anyone to do you Islamic therapy anymore. No one needs to like no one needs to like you don't need to go to share content share you know do my Islam or rectify my bad deeds you don't need to do that. This woman doing all of that every single day are you like you like yeah, when I go home I get such a telling off I feel like I'm a school kid in class getting told off my teacher or I feel like I'm in prison and I'm in front of a prison God is that woman beautiful anymore? Yesterday, yesterday?

00:31:17--> 00:31:18

A half of you said no See how thick their

00:31:20--> 00:31:59

home said no one can give you pronounce a man. Yes or no guys? No, thank you, right you're not gonna like that person anymore. Because that person has basically spoil all your dreams. It's not about the charms of outside, you're going to live you're going to live with the person inside. Inside and you better with this question. You want to find out who that person is Emmanuel Makai Haman, Josie is that a wonderful thing. He said all people are equal until they speak once they speak, they start telling you who they are on the inside. So in all your questioning, your idea is to try and find out who the person is on the inside, because you're going to be living with that person for the next

00:31:59--> 00:32:32

40 5060 years. So you better start you asking the right questions and looking beyond their looks and the outside and getting to the inside. Anyway, I'm gonna pass it over to brother son and then we'll come straight back after I want everyone to stay where you are, please I want to be here as well for the entire duration as soon as they as soon as their son has finished then I'm going to be back on stage again. And we're going to have a second session where we got a lot more to discover a few more things to discover before marriage but there's going to be a lot more How do you stay much how do you make that marriage last for good even though you got your differences and you got your

00:32:32--> 00:32:42

difference of opinion or you got your little arguments as a how do you make that marriage last we're going to discover all that there's going to be q&a extended q&a session today inshallah. So till then

00:32:43--> 00:32:52

this will lie Rahman Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa salatu salam ala Sayyidina Muhammad wa ala Ali who suffered mine. Welcome back again and as salaam alaikum, warahmatullahi wabarakatu.

00:32:54--> 00:33:33

Right, we're gonna get right back into where we left from, you're looking to find the person who's on the inside, not on the outside only Yes, you want beauty, there's nothing wrong for you to get in beauty. Rasulullah sallallahu even told us that, that most people, like don't look for one of four things, okay? So they're going to look for beauty. It doesn't mean that you find the religion and you don't find the beauty. It doesn't mean that look for at least beauty that is nice to find. But religion must be something which you give priority to. Don't miss out on that. And I'm gonna tell you why a lot of people suffer later on because of these wrong choices. Have a beautiful person, but

00:33:33--> 00:34:05

have religion with it. Have a person with wealth, but have their religion with it. What's the point of you having wealth if you don't have religion? Honestly, what are you going to do? You're going to destroy yourself. I was telling a businessman the other day, a businessman the other day, I said, Listen, Rob, as you're trying to make the millions final hamdulillah May Allah bless you, right? May Allah bless you with the millions. But if you don't have taqwa, if you don't have God consciousness, then that money will ruin you. That money will take you to ways that you know to areas that you never want you to go in your life but the money will take you why because you got no fear of Allah

00:34:05--> 00:34:37

inside you. You got no consciousness of Allah inside you. You do not want a man in your life who's got money who doesn't have Allah in His heart honestly until he will he will lead you to a lot of problems you do not want a woman with money because some guys honestly I know one guy yet he actually is up from North yet he's not getting married I said why are you not getting my boy he goes because I'm waiting for the rich sister. And boy told me journey guide isn't gonna work you know I'm saying like, just to hang around Sarah honestly for years every time I ask him he didn't want to get married. Why? Because he's looking for a rich sister. rich sister who's gonna basically you know

00:34:37--> 00:35:00

people think that money solves everything money does not solve that anyway. If Allah has blessed you with wealth Alhambra, may Allah bless you more. There's nothing wrong in having wealth, but you better have the deen okay, if you don't have the deen if you don't religion, you're going to take yourself to destruction. Now the third thing was Allah Allah has said he said lineage people look for lineage like this time the noble family this time Yes, it's all good. Have a good family. Have a good back

00:35:00--> 00:35:39

Come but don't sacrifice the fourth one the most important one which is religion. And when we get to religion what is religion is religion when you pray five times a day? No, it's not. religion doesn't stop that religion doesn't stop at the hijab religion is inside it's a state of the heart okay when you have religion inside Do you religious in every single setting is not just you know when when other people see me that I'm religious no is not just for you know just a few Salas oh yeah I've ticked the boxes no it's not that you're religious from the inside you religious wherever you are wherever you go and you got to you got to ask those questions to understand so what kind of

00:35:39--> 00:36:17

questions are going to ask you know the question you will ask when you went in seeing a prospect, you would ask the question, which must you do you go to what's what's the most you frequently go to? Which chef Do you Do you listen to online and now you get into something because now if they say Alice do this chef Dasha, Dasha, it gives you an idea of the person mentality, then you say to the person, okay, what are the favorite quotes? You've heard from the CEO right now we're getting into proper fights. And I'm saying like before marriage after marriage, bro. I'm saying, Before marriage ask these questions. What are the favorite quotes overshare. Now if she says my favorite chef, my

00:36:17--> 00:36:28

favorite chef is so and so. And he said, You know, when a husband comes home, he cleans all the dishes for me, and does everything in the house. And it looks at the thing. He's my favorite.

00:36:29--> 00:36:33

My favorite quote yet you listen to eyebrow here. All right, when delegable

00:36:34--> 00:37:06

that basically you get it. If you love that row, if you love that hamdullah go for it. Honestly, there's some men who like this, honestly, there's one poker game, I think there's in the middle, and somewhere and the brother, you know, put his hand up, he said, I happily do all the chores of the marshmallow Alhamdulillah good and hamdulillah BarakAllahu. Li can May Allah bless you. But there are men who don't want to do that. And there are women who want that done. Now you better start talking about this in front of the Muslim, as I said in front of that Father, father figure in front of that, you know, the brother is the older brother of hers was there to prevent the loose talk, you

00:37:06--> 00:37:47

want to ask this question? Because there are different sets, the different mindsets that we have, you better get to know those mindsets before you get into that marriage. Now, a very beautiful thing you can do, right? A very beautiful thing you can do is to ask a separate another way of finding the character you want to find the inside the person right? I've been talking about this and I hope you can take this to yourself, do this test yourself, it will only take you 12 minutes to do this test. Right? The site is called 16 personalities.com k one six personalities T i e s at the end.com. You basically go there at the right hand top right hand corner, there's a test, take the test, it will

00:37:47--> 00:38:24

take you 12 minutes, answer it according to who you are now, don't answer it according to who you want to be. There are no right answers and answers. There are no wrong answers, right? You answer according to how you actually are right now in the end, it will get give you four letters, those four letters will describe who you are, the other person will also take the test, they'll get four letters. Now, after you get the four letters, you have to read the profile they're gonna give you, they're gonna give you about seven pages of profiles, you have to read it, you have to read it. And then you have to say to yourself, Do I agree with 80%, roughly 80% of what the saying about me. And

00:38:24--> 00:39:00

if it's true, then that's you, that's who you are. If it's less like 60% 65% and it might not be you, you probably took the wrong like you you answered it wrongly okay. So you might not be that person. Now, once you both got your results, what you want to say you want to say look, I am for example, you can say I am like ISTJ and the other person will say I am ENFP or something that you both got four letters that it will bring a profile those profile will tell you stuff about you, which you can look at it and say wow, how did they describe me that? Well, now there's gonna be good and bad on both sides. Don't worry about it. There's going to be strengths, there's gonna be

00:39:00--> 00:39:36

weaknesses. Now this is a very good platform for both of you to talk about who you really are on the inside. There are people who love to be extroverts. There are people who love to be introverts, right? There are people who love to chat. And there are people who don't like to chat. They like to sit in a library all day that I can sit indoors with a book right? There are other people who like the outdoors, they like adventure. Now imagine the both of you are different and you got together and you're trying to get married. Everything else looks good, but you know what? You don't like to chat so much. I remember one Subhanallah This is very, very early on in my marriage. One day, my

00:39:36--> 00:40:00

wife bought her friend home, okay. And her friend came home she's gonna stay for a night or two in a house fine. It was a university friend. Okay, early in my marriage. Okay. And then the friend has some Islamic questions you wanted to ask me so then she started to ask me this question. Okay, Saturday, my wife's there. She's there because she's asked me this question. She's chatting. And this woman honestly she knows how to talk. Mashallah. Okay. Alhamdulillah nice. I've never you know, see

00:40:00--> 00:40:35

In that much talk, like she talks, and she talks and talks, and she had a good pitch to her voice as well, she talks, and I'm a guy, most of you might think that I'm an extrovert, because I do this by hands, right? I'm actually an introvert. I'm actually the opposite, right? So I'm sitting down, I'm listening, and I'm missing, I'm missing and listening. After maybe, I don't know, it was maybe over an hour, maybe nearer to the one and a half to two hours, right? Actually, excuse myself, I went upstairs, and I went to bed because I had a headache. I had a headache. When that guests left, I said to my wife, subhanAllah, I said, I won't ever be able to live with such a person like this one.

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That's that's a lot for me. You know, I'm saying, and imagine if I was married to such a person, right? Imagine I was married to such a person. And that person is saying all of that, and I'm getting headaches every day. I'm like, wow, who you know, just give me the panel room and ask him to proceed. And imagine that person, how they're going to feel like this guy doesn't want to talk as much as I want to talk his frustration with frustration. So the thing is, the BS questions, I'm going to bring out a character type, discuss the character type, there are certain people who like to brush problems under the carpet, there are other people who like to talk about it straight on the

00:41:08--> 00:41:42

face. Are you this type of person? Are you that type of person, you gotta you gotta look at this type. There are so many different types of people out there. Now, this 16 personalities.com Honestly, I've given this to so many brothers and sisters and over the years is helped a lot of them is helped a lot of them. In fact, what I've done is I've said before you get married, bro sister, just do the tests, and then look for it. Because if you go to the internet, you can actually put your pork profile in there. Let's say for example, your E and F j, you put that in and you say, What's the most compatible person with this, and a lot of sites might have some differences, but

00:41:42--> 00:42:19

you're going to see, a common thing about this type would be the best for you at that time would be the best for you. And you know what, there are even certain sites out there that actually incorporate Muslim sites incorporate all of this. And even if they don't, you can ask the person, you know, get this done. And we can basically see how compatible we are. And you can end up in forums on the net. They've got forums, cafes, personality cafes, where they talk about this like I'm an ENFP. And this is an INFJ. And we stayed together for this many years. And these were the few problems we had and this is how we iron the out or we had a bus stop and this is the reason why we

00:42:19--> 00:42:53

had a bus stop there's so many things to go through Subhanallah it's like an ocean of stuff that you can go to just by your personality types. Now on top of that what you're going to do is you're going to make you're going to do is to Shara one is is the hara one is the Shara what is the Hara is the Hara is the two rakats you do and then you say the famous dua okay, just go to the internet just look it up you see the DUA you make the DUA and after that you basically wait for you know, some kind of result now results are going to differ, I've actually got a whole token is Tahara I recorded about it's about two and a half hours of recording, Inshallah, it will be up I'm chasing the guy who

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recorded it, and inshallah it's going to be up for you guys, but very briefly, okay, very briefly, is the Hara. The results of it is you could wait for a dream to see a dream after those two requests in the dry up, you could wait for a very strong feeling the next morning you could wait you could wait for and I wouldn't go for feelings really. But you could wait for a good sign now the science come in very various different ways. You could after use the hara, you might see things are things are actually going in the direction of you getting married to that guy, and it's getting easier and easier. That's a very good sign or things are getting more difficult to get married to that guy. And

00:43:29--> 00:44:09

that's a sign that you should probably you know, back off you could get assigned where someone suddenly says something to you and it's exactly what you need to do here to make that decision. And most of all with the Sahara you have to have ISTE Sharrah what does that mean? That means you have to have consultation you have to with your istikhara go and consult now who do you consult you don't consult someone in your household who says to you betta you need to get married and you know say Yeah, and you think about but you know you're looking here that we already have your wife for you. Huh? You already have my wife away she yes she is fantastic. She is lovely. She will do everything

00:44:09--> 00:44:24

for you. She loves you already like what she loves her yes she's been waiting for you waiting for me how long many many years many years Wow Where are you she She's your cousin from Pakistan

00:44:25--> 00:44:59

I really see that coming your way right are you like wow what in the world who did I just consult Yeah, yes better don't get married to that one and this other one that you want to get married to she's compatible with you she knows you're you know she's she's she's partly Pakistani party you know British and partly she's got the mentality of the culture over here because you know you wanna you want to blend with someone so you're kind of close to this one. There's no better no better than one in Pakistan is given by God. It is given by Allah you must do you consult such people who already bias not going to get anywhere now who should you consult, you should consult someone who is

00:44:59--> 00:44:59

not biased

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Let me give you a hadith. Take this hadith or Buhari and Muslim, a woman, Fatima bin paste or the Allahu anha. She comes to the Prophet salallahu Salam and she takes he consults. She says messenger of Allah. I have got two men who have proposed for me, one man is more how we are the Allahu Anhu. And the other man is Abu Jahan. Right? Which one of those Should I marry? Right now look, get a hold of this. A woman Sahaba coming to Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi salam, two men have proposed to me which one? Should I ask that you're going to say, Wow, the person didn't say go for either that guy or this guy. Right? Right. And you're like, yeah, no, that's not what happened. This is our heavy

00:45:47--> 00:46:24

SallAllahu Sallam he's saying and I want you to concentrate on the on the answer. It's an amazing, amazing where's the Hadith in Bullhead? And mustard is authentic. By agreed upon. Okay, authentic? You know what he said? He said, As for more IWEA fissara. Luke, he said, Sir, look, he has no money. So if you want to, if you want to get married to a guy with no money, that's fine. But I'm just telling you, you can sell to me. He has no money. And as for apple jam, he doesn't take the stick down from his from his shoulder. What does that mean? He's a wife beater. So if you want to get married to apple jam, then

00:46:25--> 00:46:29

he's going to beat you up, basically. So you make the choice. Now I can see your face in your face.

00:46:32--> 00:47:05

Oh my god, is that what the process was in? Yes. Now this hadith teaches us so much. One is the Prophet sallallahu Sallam gave us permission to talk honestly about someone behind the back when someone comes, someone else comes for a marriage proposal. You have to be honest about the character. This is not a diva. This is not backbiting you have to be honest about the character or about the situation or anything wrong with my view of the alarm. No, just the fact that he's just doesn't have much money. So if you're if you're happy for life with a good man, and less money, then fine. The other man has got money.

00:47:08--> 00:47:09

So he says,

00:47:10--> 00:47:11

Should I go for him?

00:47:12--> 00:47:48

The other man has got money, but he's gonna beat you up. That's what the russula system is indicate he's got the money, but he's gonna beat you up. Now you make a choice which way you want to go? Right? Subhanallah and the next thing is that what he's saying? Is it wrong for you as a woman to go for a man who's got money? No, nothing wrong with that, but just don't become a gold digger. You know, I'm saying, you know, I'm saying because some women, they want to go for the money and he's just the money that they're after us. But some men all they want to go for is the one who go for the service of the woman. Not for the woman. That's bad, my friend. All right, both equally. I'm telling

00:47:48--> 00:48:20

you this bad because some women they just fixed on those dollars. They have dollars in their eyes that pounds in the eyes. The guy is getting released to have a fantasy Okay, I'm gonna Oh yeah, I'm gonna live like this. I'm gonna have this I'm gonna have and some men are like, yeah, that woman, she's gonna become my wife. She's gonna do this, do that do that for me. Definitely. And I don't care. She just do all that for me, and I live my life. It's wrong, you better understand what you're getting into. But most importantly, this hadith tells us that you know what, you got problems on both sides? Which way are you going to go? What you're going to choose? Okay, so now you consult the

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right people and your consultation has to be with the people who know them know, Rasul Allah, Allah knows both of these men. And that's who you go to someone who knows the Rasulullah. Salah Sam is a senior figure in the community. And of course, he's our Prophet, salallahu Alaihe Salam, but you can go to a senior person, you can go to someone who knows those people. But most importantly, you want to know their situation. So that you know tomorrow, what's going to be your case? Okay. Now, brothers and sisters, I'm going to ask you, please, and please have this in your thing to do, right? You cannot have too many things on your list you're looking for in the other person. If you the more

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you have on your list, the worse is going to be for you. I want you to start off with with however many you want, you can start with 13 things I want or 12 things or 11 things I want in a person start write them all out. Right then I want you to do this. Be honest with yourself, say

00:49:12--> 00:49:49

Why have I got 10? Well, I've got 10 things. Who gave me the idea of these 10 things? Who was my friend? Am I looking at my friend because my friend has got such a nice husband. I want a husband like that. Is it my friend who has such a nice wife and you know, she does all these things. I need that Oh, my mom said this to me or my dad said this to me. Oh, my brother said this to be oh, this idea came from here or there. Please knock them out. These are not yours. They're not yours. I want to know what you need in person. start knocking certain things off. Bring it down to seven, bring it down to five, bring it down to three. I'm asking every person three things you must have in a person

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to get married. Those three things don't compromise fine. Now ask yourself three things I don't want in a person you can start off with 11 start off with 10 and then come down to seven to five to three.

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Once you get to three, you have three things you must have in a person. And three things. Any of these three things you must not have in a person. That's it. Alhamdulillah move on, and look for your person because no one's perfect. You guys get that? Yes or no?

00:50:15--> 00:50:27

No, you didn't. That's why you did the answer me. Look in the mirror today, and say you're not perfect. All right, you know what that means? You're not perfect. Did you get that? My brothers? Yes. Or no crummy

00:50:28--> 00:50:33

brothers? Yes or no? It is hard for him to admit you right? Sisters? Yes or no?

00:50:36--> 00:51:06

Do you see that? There's so many sisters here. There's about less than a third of them that said yes. So when the brothers are less than a third, that's a yes. You know, it's so hard to look at yourself and say I'm not perfect. But that is that that is a fact. You're not perfect. He's not perfect. She's not perfect. We get married for life. You stay with the life. You stay with your whole life with the person with all the goods and Bad's and everything, you take it in one package. Or you stay till the end of your life with that person, you got to make it through all the way. And it's not this this thing that you're gonna say, Well, I didn't like it. So I'm not gonna you know,

00:51:06--> 00:51:47

I'm not gonna stick with it. No. And another thing is this. You want to find look at a lot of people ask this. What about if what about if the sister is on a certain level of her deen or the brother is on a certain level of the deen. But you know, they're gonna inshallah improve in their Deen. Right. You know, I'm saying because I love them so much. And I'm just like, infatuated. But I just don't want to admit that anyway. What about if they will, will get better in their deal in sha Allah? Am I okay to marry them? I want to tell you, bro, that whatever level you accepted the sister and sister whatever level you accepted the brother of the dean, they're gonna turn around to tomorrow and say,

00:51:47--> 00:52:23

I was accepted by you accepted me on this level of the dean. So I can just told you, I'm going to change. But I never told you when you get guys on Sunday. So no, the guy said he's going to stop praying his five daily salah? When, when? When is he going to do it? Well, yeah, he did it a little bit in the first year that he dropped down a little bit. He's gonna say, Well, you accepted me without praying that Minnesota or the system is gonna say, Well, you accepted me with this convertible hijab. And I'm gonna say, now, you know, you have some certain certain cars that are that are convertible, right? They go up and down, when the sun comes out goes down when the you

00:52:23--> 00:53:02

know, you don't want to say like BMW coupe, six, whatever, you know, seven sisters. No, no offense to anyone but seven sisters. That's how they live. Okay, so that's their life, they're gonna change it according to the environment. Now, if you accepted her confidante, then she's gonna say you accepted me on this level. So therefore, I'll make the move when I want to be more practicing in my own time. So you've got to take that in consideration before you move on anyway. Now, a lot of people want to ask about you know things about prayer, health, and so on. When it comes to health, right? Fine. If you're on a certain level of health, just just ask the question about how have they

00:53:02--> 00:53:46

maintained their you know, the way to whatever it is, if you're concerned about it, ask it, ask about it, right? And try and get to, like I said, two scenarios. If you can get two scenarios, or the chapters in that I told you, it makes it easier for you to get to the bottom of things anyway. If you really want to get a bit. You know, if you really want to get into like debates before marriage, right? You really want to push the gears up. Are you ready? Are you ready? Guys? Are you ready? Yes or no? Have I got Oldham alive? Yes or no? Yes. Start asking start asking controversial questions. Ask about COVID Oh, rooms getting hot a little bit. Yeah, asked about the job. You know,

00:53:46--> 00:54:26

I'm saying lie, asked about certain things that are very divided. There are certain things that have happened divided right Brexit and so on whatever it might have been right asked about Sam political situation, you're going to find out that there's a whole new set of things that comes out now, if you want to get also, if you want to ask, you're gonna get a little bit more, turn the heat on right? Ask about the roles of the husband roles of the wife. Ask the person what do you see the husband's role in the marriage? What do you see the wife's roles in the role in the marriage? And then you get to the real thing. Now, this brings another thing, which is when we talk about this,

00:54:26--> 00:54:59

all these roles of the man now we come to the next session now, which is how do you sustain a marriage? Okay, now before I get into the roles of a man and roles, when I can see a half of you already smiling, you're like, Yo, shake, do it. Let's do it. Go that. Come on. Let's see. Tell us what we need to do. Right. Before we get into that. I want to tell you that everyone who gets married, I'm not going to cover the part when you're actually getting married. I've got other lectures on the internet for that if you want to know about how you know what to do on unicard day and this and that on my days, people also strike Xenophon in a superfan.

00:55:00--> 00:55:39

Where did that come from? Honestly, where did which had these talks about citizen right which had these talks about Gaia Hollywood which had these talks about Mende anyone tell me which Hadith and one Hadith hadith of India Hadees Hadees of India Yeah, that's where it all came up I came from, there's no such Hadees right? It's those those hadiza Guys, I'm gonna cry short, I'm gonna cut you short. Please try and have a simple wedding. I've got a fantastic idea, which I'm going to give to the world. I'm going to inshallah started myself with my son Inshallah, and my children Inshallah, inshallah. I'm going to save you guys a lot of money. And I'm gonna give the money back to you guys.

00:55:40--> 00:56:19

Are you ready for this? Come on, man. You guys are like you're not even responding. I ready for these guys? Yes, this is good for you. Young man. Young women want to get married and you want to have money as well. I'm giving it to you. This is what you do. Right. You know our traditional marriages they hire holds out and they will have like a they will have like a 10,000 10,000 pound wedding 20,000 30,040 up to 50,000 even more than that on one day. Why is it costing you 50,000 is because all the deco the chairs you know the chairs you sit in on right now the cost three pounds with the niqab on with the hijab on the costume three pounds with the hijab off looks a bit dirty,

00:56:19--> 00:56:47

costless, right? I'm saying like these guys know how to make money, man, and you got then then you're gonna have all your dishes, you're gonna have this Dad, you're gonna have the limousine coming in. I don't know what people do, right? They're gonna have they're gonna have all the stage you're gonna have the the people come together with so much food and so on. And you're gonna have this dish that dish touches oh my god and the chicken tikka and the biryani and these kebabs or whatever and saag aloo and you're gonna have Nanjing a prophet of Allah, Allah and desserts for three different ones, you're gonna have a chocolate chocolate fountain out there and we're Allahu

00:56:47--> 00:57:15

Akbar. You just blown about 30 to 50,000 pounds in four hours. I'm going to give you a better idea, the better idea is this and hopefully inshallah you will see the wisdom in this right what you do is you hold that entire wedding in your house okay, some people already love them shake masses to small SHAKE, SHAKE don't even go there don't even go there

00:57:16--> 00:57:49

I'm gonna house is that right? You're gonna hire a marquee and cover your entire back garden just remove the whole deal from the way you know I'm trying to say you know you know the you know the to mark Tamar to do I'll do and all that kind of thing that the growing in the back garden you might have to like just sacrifice that for one year someday but anyway anyway, but more or less to have to do that. They come to England and they have the back garden as a you know, a bizarre anyway, it's good. It's good. Okay, I'm not saying is that but anyway, you have a marquee you cover it with a marquee. How many people can you get in the downstairs of your house and the market? Maybe 50? Maybe

00:57:49--> 00:58:22

50 Max? Okay. How many people do you need to invite 300 people? When do you do the wedding? You do over a long weekend. You start on a Friday night? You probably go all the way till Monday if you have to start on a Saturday, right? So long weekend, you know you have a bank holiday weekend, okay? Three days, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, how many times you're going to see people you're going to see people twice who's going to come for the food or 50 people for that for lunch on Saturday. Different 50 people for a lunch on Saturday evening you know I'm trying to say like back to those people don't stay from the afternoon and eat twice and I'm trying to say like Yeah, different 50 people on a

00:58:22--> 00:58:34

Sunday afternoon different people on the Sunday evening Monday 50 lunch and dinner 50 Subhanallah How much is that? How many how much? How many people have a bed? Come on? Come on guys.

00:58:36--> 00:58:42

On Course and anatomy you don't know much about 300 people I just fed bro. You're gonna say well that's not fun.

00:58:43--> 00:59:24

Right 50 But listen, let me tell you what happens here. Look in on the card of the wedding. What you read before they do right now they write things that no box gifts. The reason why they say no boxes big gifts because there was a time when everyone used to used to rotate the same dishes around the whole time. So one guy gets some dishes and then he doesn't know he opens out does another dishes wrap it up again and give it to the next wedding. That's what they used to do. What you do on your wedding card is this you say we are saving 30,000 pounds or 25,000 pounds from this wedding. But the whole 25,000 pounds is going to be given to my daughter and my son in law or my son and my daughter

00:59:24--> 01:00:00

in law for the deposit of their house. Now is that a good idea Tommy yes or no? Kamala is guessing all you guys don't even have the deposit of a house and they're blowing that money on your wedding day. Are you kind of crazy or something? Your houses here cost? 250,000 pounds decent three bedroom house 300,000 pounds and the prices are going up? And are you telling me that you're gonna blow all that money before you even get the YT Why is wrong with you? Not if people say no, I better have the full wedding will tell him to go somewhere else seriously. Ill Are you dying for that chicken tikka

01:00:00--> 01:00:33

All right, you know what you're gonna have on your menu for that wedding by the way, you're gonna have one dish you have one dish, one dish if they complain and say what is one dish say Allah only rootin for you one dish, bro. Right sister, there's only one dish written for you today just have the nice dish, have the goofy dessert for Allah and bye bye. Right? You know, Allah has written that for you because we're saving money for the future of our son and daughter. And if you don't want to give the you know, deposit money for the mortgage and so on. What do you do hedge hedge now is about 10,000 bonds. Right? Give say on the card, we're gonna give you 20,000 pounds to our son and

01:00:33--> 01:00:40

daughter. No, they can do the hedge on the first year. Now tell me these guys. Is that a good idea? Or not a good idea?

01:00:41--> 01:00:45

Yes, right. If you like it, you're gonna do it. Who's gonna do it? We're hands up.

01:00:46--> 01:00:53

Right? I see some mica hands going up. Like in in.

01:00:54--> 01:01:36

Seriously, man, I'm trying to give you your deposit money for your future house and you're like, four hours is better with chicken tikka, and biryani. Okay, and a whole hole full of all the chandeliers and everything that you want. Anyway, let's let's get let's get moving on. Right? You got married, okay, everything's good. You have something called SubhanAllah. Everyone who gets married, they have a period called the honeymoon period. Right? honeymoon period. If you don't know what it is, it brings a lot of smiles to your face. Okay. It's the best period that you've got. Have a Masha Allah Al Hamdulillah. Everything's so wonderful. You look at her, you just see smiles. And,

01:01:36--> 01:02:15

you know, she looks at you. And it's all about, oh, this can just get better and better. Right now, there comes a day when the honeymoon period comes, you know, it's over. Okay, it's over. What actually happens can can the sister take the challenge is that what happens is that come today, it could be a it could be a month later, it could be two months later, it could be a year later, whatever the case is, you will find that there comes a time when the honeymoon period is actually over. And when that is actually over. What happens is you see a whole different side. Come on, sister, they just come and say take the child please.

01:02:17--> 01:02:43

Okay, that period lasts for you for a nice long time. Now. I'm gonna ask you guys, right? If your honeymoon great if you're married and your honeymoon period lasted for six months, like 100 I basically everything's hunky dory. Everything's really happy if it lasts for six months or more. Hands up. Hands up. Man. God, you guys are so depressed over here, man. La how Lola patella don't see one single hand up was wrong.

01:02:45--> 01:02:48

For anyone if you lost it for a month or more for your hands up.

01:02:49--> 01:03:21

yella? How long again two three hands. Yeah, what do you guys do? Man? I'm not saying honeymooners in like you go on holiday for a month or you guys haven't left England yet? I'm not talking about that. I'm actually talking about your good days when you like you know all very nice and happy. But God on his two hands, man, you guys want you starting to fight on the first day or something? Let me seriously Come on. You know those happy days in the beginning of marriage. If you have had those happy days, hands up. Come on. Martial arts. Good. Now you've been honest. Now you've been honest. Right? Good. Anyone's honeymoon period lasted for a year or more Brianza.

01:03:22--> 01:03:49

Mashallah, good, good. Good. That's good. That's good. Okay, that now look, it can last for a long time. Now, one day we're going to do is one day you're going to wake up and you are going to have some kind of argument or some kind of disagreement with your spouse. It's natural, it's going to happen. I'm going to ask the question right now, anyone who's basically been married for more than one year and never had a single argument with their wife or their husband put your hands up right now?

01:03:51--> 01:03:53

No one.

01:03:54--> 01:04:28

No one. Okay. I can actually see. Can you see that? Right? Because yeah, there's gonna be some kind of consequent inaccuracies question in the other talks that I did. And one guy put his hand up. Right one, one type of answer. Just yesterday, something and it looked like an elderly figure. And I said, I said, Brother, how long have you married because 20 years ago, I'll go up never had had an argument ever because Tora, Tora. A little bit a little bit up above, you can put your hand up right? You've had some kind of argument, right? Come on. You can't claim that but anyway, there's another person who put their hand up is a woman from the background. She put the hand up as a

01:04:28--> 01:04:59

sister, do you speak the same language as your husband? Do you live in the same country? Like is it through zoom? Basically, you know, you get these situations where it can happen for a year it can happen for less or more but Alhamdulillah Allah Mubarak, may Allah bless all of you, may Allah give you long periods of happiness, I mean, right, but it's not going to always last. And what happens is the truth Truth because most of you never put your hands up, right? Is that the last? I'm gonna bring you the story? And this talk is gonna tell you how to keep your marriage lasting nice for a long time.

01:05:00--> 01:05:47

We're out of time. Okay. Without any arguments, Imam Ahmed Muhammad Rahim Allah He was married for 4440 years, he was about 60 years old when his wife passed away. He cried. And his disciples said, Imam, why are you crying, he said, I've had a marriage with my wife, and married with my wife for 40 years. And we never had a single argument, a single argument, they said, how he said, when we got married, I took it on myself. And I said to my wife, that if you're, if you're ever, you know, mad at me, or you're, you know, you kind of angry at me, and you're saying things I don't like, I'm going to take you for me to stay quiet until you've calmed down, and then we'll speak. And if if I

01:05:47--> 01:06:12

ever get mad at you, and if I say things to you that you don't like, you're going to take on yourself to stay quiet and zip yourself up until I come down, and then we talk nicely. This is the recipe to make sure that you have a nice marriage, inshallah. Inshallah, how many guys are going to do that? Put your hands up, how many guys are going to put up your hands of law how

01:06:13--> 01:06:21

you law house, we had only a few hands that are just struggling brother. You might brother, whether you like

01:06:22--> 01:06:25

lighting lighting. So the thing is, though,

01:06:26--> 01:07:07

you want to make it last long. I want to tell you brother one day what's gonna happen is your wife is probably not going to be in the best mood with you. Or one day my sister your husbands are going to be the best mood with that what do you do brother on that day, on that day, Brava. You leave the house and you go to the masjid. In Santa, you're going to need the praise brother, you're going to need them for yourself. You know, I'm saying, Go and kneel before the Lord. Okay? ask Allah to help you. Because the sister is only getting warmed up about you. She's only getting warmed up. If you come home, and you see the sister waiting for you by the door, you better go back. You need to do

01:07:07--> 01:07:50

more rackets in the masjid and come back, maybe go to a friend's place. Maybe go for a drive, maybe go for a coffee, whatever it is, but cool off cooled off. Stay away since the same thing. If your husband is now not not, you know he's not I'm in a good mood towards you, then you better go to your own zone. Just zip up. The main thing is to zip up don't get into these arguments. Because what happens is when you are angry, you're not yourself. Is that correct? Yes or no? Yes. And you're gonna say stuff, which you wouldn't say stuff on a normal day. You're You're Fired up at this time. And all you want to do is hurt that person. All you want to do is head that person. And when you say

01:07:50--> 01:08:32

things from your tongue and you hurt the person, you say that to me? Why did I say you're what you start remembering all the negative memories, all the things that you're not supposed to have said and you bring them from the bottom and you like, put it you know, you're throwing mud at each other's face. And that's the thing what happens after the storm has come down. You know what happens? You then realize the damage you caused. It's a storm. At the moment of anger you're supposed to stay away. Don't talk to each other. Stay away. Just sell a piece piece. We're gonna stay. We're gonna stay we're gonna stay away. We're gonna we're not gonna say a word. And now look,

01:08:32--> 01:08:44

you're feeling it inside you that God says. God says it but yesterday we had a question. Okay. This or the other it was a brother sister. They gave a question. Oh, the question was, I love winning an argument What do I do?

01:08:46--> 01:09:10

I love I have to have the last say in an argument. What do I do La hawla wala Quwata that's that's like whoa, that's gonna be dangerous. Now look, what do you do? You stay away from each other? Do you resolve the problem? Yes, you do when when you calm down once you calm down, you say to yourself, Okay, let's calm down. Let's talk logic that bring logic into your into your scenario. Talk about factual evidence, talk about what happened.

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Try and get to the bottom line from logic, not emotions, emotions, don't get your problem sorted. They're going to make them worse. If you have can't have logic if you can't get anyone to agree to logic then get somebody senior only if you can't sort it yourself. Best thing is my friends. I'm going to tell you try and sort your problems aren't just husband and wife don't involve anyone, especially in an Asian family because Asian families love gossip. They like what happened. What happened? He said this, okay? I'm getting my vindaloo out. I'm getting my garam masala. I'm gonna cook you a nice meal now. They're gonna stir my friend. The worst thing you can do so what's

01:09:56--> 01:10:00

stopping someone straightaway when your husband has done something wrong to you or your wife has done something

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wrong. Do you know why you started out between yourselves don't leave it too long. You say to yourselves, we're going to stop, we're going to talk about it, talk about it straight. And if you don't find that both of you can agree to the logic in front of you, then you get somebody senior one personally, who's not biased, who's not going to take sides. A person who's Senior who's gone through my life, who knows what it's about, who's gonna listen to both of you, who's going to sit down between you and say, Okay, do this and whatever that senior, you know, wise guy says, just take it from there and just involve only one person. That's it. There's only one person don't make it a

01:10:33--> 01:11:10

thing that you have to involve a lot of people into your mind to problems. No, because people just take the gossip and they make something else out of it. Anyway. My brothers, my sisters, you're going to have lovely time in marriage. But what happens with everything good on this earth is that Allah gives you tests, okay? This whole life is about test, you will never get a marriage without any problems, there will always be problems, always. They're gonna be marital problems, but it's what kind of problems do you have? And how do you tolerate them? And how do you deal with them? Now, once you have children, once you have children, and may Allah bless all of you, with righteous

01:11:10--> 01:11:52

children say I mean, you have children, you know, what happens is that you used to see each other before a lot in your honeymoon period, or early married life period used to really give each other a lot of time. Okay? Now after that, what happens is when you get one child, one eye goes to one word that your wife, you've got, her eye goes to you with one eye, and the other eye is for your beloved child. After a little while, what happens is you have two children, mashallah, mashallah, with a to two children, you have two eyes for your children, she has two eyes for the children, you don't see each other much. And then you have three children if you get blessed that far. But even if you have

01:11:52--> 01:12:26

to, you're going from nappy to nappy, you're going from poopoo to poopoo. From PPTP, you don't want to say like you're going from Christ, to tears to laughter to vomiting to this to cleaning to mess and whatever, and you don't get to see each other. What I'm going to ask you to do is if you want to make your marriage, a successful marriage, please make sure the times that you spend in the early part of your marriage, you're still doing that throughout your marriage. In the beginning, you couldn't get enough of each other. Do you guys understand? Yes or no? Some of you, Anthony, you're really shy today. I'm telling you, none of you want to speak guys. You need to speak to me when I'm

01:12:26--> 01:12:59

giving when I'm talking to you. Do you understand me? Yes or no? Guys before their marriage, he was up till 3am in the morning. 3am in the morning, he was texting and she was texting as well. You couldn't get enough of each other. After marriage. He was like, oh my god, this is the best life ever and everything. Well, what happened? Well, after you've discovered things about each other, what you should have done is you should have carried on oiling your marriage. Marriage needs oiling. What does that mean? I've been giving this in my mind for counseling. I don't I'm not asking anyone to come to me for marital counseling. I've done it for several people. Yes, but I've done it for

01:12:59--> 01:13:37

people who really, you know, really close to me and so on. And what you realize is that the marriage becomes a little bit rough when people don't give time to each other like they used to, and it's the beginning of marriage. What you need to do right now, even if you're married, just get this done. Give each other 30 minutes a day, 30 minutes a day. That's it. This is 30 minutes of me time you time. This is 30 minutes of our time. And in these 30 minutes, kids have to be put to bed or kids have to be in school. Okay, depending on what how you work and what your schedule is. In those 30 minutes. You look at each other and what do you talk about? You don't talk about life inside this

01:13:37--> 01:14:10

house. Okay, what do you talk about? You talk about everything outside of this house and everything outside that you talk about hobbies, you talk about friends, you talk about things that are in the mind, you talk about politics, you talk about the news, you talk about what's going on in the world. And you talk about ideas, you talk about things that have happened things that happen with other people that you know, you talk about your workplace, you talk about other stuff outside and you connect with one another every day 30 minutes right husbands come home wives come home and the biggest crisis that we've got right now is that we've got people on the phones you spend more time

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with other people outside you give them hours you give them hours and hours but you don't give even 30 minutes to your beloved 30 minutes was 30 minutes honestly 30 After that you can go your ways and do what you have to do be on your phone but give 30 minutes of time looking at your face to face phones away. Alright, give each other me time you time I time Our time. Right this is us. And then over time you will see your love will increase and it will always stay gelled. Even if anyone's finding difficulty manage please do this this recipe. One more thing you need to add to this image is this. When you start your 30 minutes. You get a book called Rio de Sala Hain is a book by Imam

01:14:49--> 01:15:00

Novi and that book you basically open it and you read out from it one Hadith just one Hadith. Okay, you can find translations of Rio de Saleh in Daraa Salaam has done a very

01:15:00--> 01:15:33

A good translation out there, there are very other good translations out there. But anyway, you can you find one good translation husband reads one Hadees, one day wife is a Hadith one day, that's it, close the book and then start talking to each other. This hadith will bring you together on a religious basis, later on, your kids should join you in those five minutes or in those 10 minutes. If you can put down that route to Salah Hain together as a family, it will bring wonders for your family, even if there are non practicing people in the family, they will become practicing over time by going through this hadith. And there are certain Iots and verses in there. Anyway, this being

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said, you're now facing a marriage. And in this marriage, you've got certain things that you're going to have problems about, and how do you deal with it? Because you know, the one thing I said to you a little bit earlier is the role of a woman and the role of a man in the house. This is massive tension, yes or no guys? Yes or no? Yes. Let's get down to it. Let's do it. All right. What's happened over time, our friends is that we've had two different movements, wherever we've had the movement from women to try and become equal as men and then superior to men. And now we've got a movement of men that want to become like what we are this and man, these kind of men and so on.

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We're gonna establish our thoughts and so on. And what we found in this liberal democratic Western society is over the last over the last 100 years, we've got more women and men pitched against each other. This is not something Islam gave to us. Not something Islam gators now, I'm going to take you back to the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam because let's let's go to let's go to the Sunnah and things I'm going to say to you, my brothers and my sisters things I'm gonna say to you, I want you to understand, I'm only giving you my 30 Something light years of law of this life of studying the Rasulullah sallallahu I'm studying the Quran, and I'm telling you now what the Sunnah

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told us how to be okay, so we're gonna go right back to the proximal lessons time. From there, then we're going to come back to this time and then we're going to see what our modern world brought to us and what the differences are. Because honestly speaking, a lot of people they want to quote the Sunnah, but the only quote what they like, they don't quote the other side. Let me give you an example. People want to quote the fasting of the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam, so they're gonna say Rasulullah saw some fasted, right, faster Mondays and Thursdays. He fasted three days in the month in Pasadena. Yes, yes, everyone wants to pass. Fine. Good, but nobody wants to have the Iftar

01:17:39--> 01:18:14

of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam I'm trying to say like, my man gets to his if Daria is going to be like, he hasn't eaten for five days. He just come out of prison. He hasn't eaten he's gonna be E in E in like well over Walburga you wanna you wanna foster the Bronx on some fine but try and take a little bit of the thought process like if there's something that is not so heavy you you smashing it inside like man versus food or something right? This is not the time to do that. People want to talk about Rasulullah sallallahu in business okay yeah, let's listen made money he was a businessman yes Sahaba made money there was quote this year. But you know, the sick thing I find about people is

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that they will don't want to talk about Rasulullah Salah smelly, bad that he's level of worship, his level of commitment to the deen his level of you know, actually worshiping Allah abandoned Allah reading his Quran during the week or whatever and the Sahaba they don't want to quote that this is going to pull back the money. Are you taking one part of the Sunnah? You're not taking the other part of the Sunnah. Now let me get down to the marriage part but the people quote, people are gonna quote, wow, people come to the thing thing about marriage. And they said, look at the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam, they say they quote the Hadith. And they'll say, look at the Prophet

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sallallahu wasallam. And especially our sisters will quote this and others are not only stunning speakers as well, they'll say like this, but they're only taking one part of the Sunnah. And not the other part of the Sunnah. What they're saying is correct. Don't get me wrong, but the saying is correct. But don't take it one part. What did they say? They scold the Hadith can Effie Minetti early on the prophets Allah who came home he used to do some of the chores of the house. He used to do some of the light tasks of the house. This is a Hadith we've heard and yes, prophets, Allah who did it, but when did he do it? He did it when he wanted to. He did it voluntarily. He never came

01:19:24--> 01:19:28

home and his wives were like, we left the dish for you

01:19:30--> 01:19:41

know, now single Hadith. He never came home and they said that part of the household things that needs to be done. Is your duty to do it. No, never. Never.

01:19:42--> 01:19:59

He is Salah. Let's go to sunnah. Come on, guys. I want you to be on the same page as me, right? You gotta take a Sunday. You gotta take it properly. Don't take your half don't go to court. The thing that just makes you happy? No. And Rasulullah sallallahu when he used to do the chores of the house he used to do voluntarily it is it's his

01:20:00--> 01:20:36

choice when he did it, however he did it no one ever expected him to do it Subhanallah The next thing is is what did I shall the Allah Allah do isn't a hadith of Buhari, she was making the dose sometimes she's even fall asleep doing that, you know basically she's to go to sleep and she left the don'ts on Fatima are the Allah Allah Hadees saya Hadees she comes to the prophets of Allah Subhan she says, I want to serve and mercy of Allah please give me a servant. Why because my hands are my skin of my hands are peeling off because of the rough dough that I have to make. Their dough was different from the dough that we have just saw. We have soft,

01:20:37--> 01:21:18

you know, powder soft, sort of what was the week we have the powder, the grind, the grind down to but they had rough the Hard Rock roughness date, and he used to peel the skin of sometimes you peel the skin of the hands now Rasulullah Salas never gave a sermon. In fact, he went to the house of Ali and, and Fatima, the Allah Allah and he told them to do the famous first be fat to me. He said, Do you want your chore basically, to get the chores of the house done easily? He said, say subhanallah 33 times Alhamdulillah 33 times and Allahu Akbar 34 times and so on, before you go to sleep. That was the way and this is a Hadith of Buhari and so on. Right? So the thing is this the West chosen

01:21:18--> 01:21:59

who used to do them? Well, it was primarily it was the women of the time that they used to do them, what did they manage to do? The men in the prophets, Allah, this time, they had the responsibility of bringing the whole of the household needs from outside, they were the breadwinners, they were the people that made what was they bought, they bought all the money that is needed for this household to run. And not only that the men provided for the women, they protected their women, and they made a life such a life that the woman has no worries for the future. That's that's what it was about Rasulullah sallallahu did the same thing. He Sahaba did the same thing. The women of the time knew

01:21:59--> 01:22:35

that we are going to be looked after we're just not going to be deserted. And we were going to look after whatever the household thing is needs to be looked after. They looked after when it came to children so on Yes, therapy was done and nurturing the children was done by both of them. Yes, but there was a different balance at different times. So the woman by nature, you will give more love and mercy and compassion to the child and looking at the child when they from zero to seven, then there will be a time when you're giving like equal time, more or less right from seven to 14. I'm not saying the men don't do anything zero to seven. No, but I'm saying there'll be more from the

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women as zero to seven but there'll be more from the men from 14 onwards. That's what the kind of balance was from one of the statements of Allah the Allahu Anhu my friends what I'm trying to say to you is that it was a house it was a whole era of what Allah said in the Holy Quran original Qalamoun Allah Nisa, Allah says that you men, I have made you men that are responsible for women. Why? Because you have to provide from your Well Do you realize my my sister's you by default? The money comes from your husband, he has to provide for your shelter he provides for your clothing he provides for your food, they provide for your necessities he provides for your bills your future, he

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makes you what Allah has said in the Holy Quran. What is your status in Islam? Allah said look at the fifth Jews of the Quran. Allah said Walmart's anatomy and Nisa those women that have entered fortresses women entered fortresses. What does that mean? women who've accepted marriage Allah said you've entered a fortress he gave you the he gave you the name sonnet it means it comes from Hessen which is a fortress, you've entered a fortress what does that mean? You're protected, you're looked after your your you have got a fortress around you where you have got, you know, where you feel that you're at ease when you're when you're when you've got a structure that is solid around you. And the

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man has to provide that protection and a solid future for you. That's where you're, that's where you stay. This comes from, as for the man, what did he What did he do? What did he do? And what does he want? And what did Allah say about him? Allah gave him the responsibility to provide that and look, this is surah number four and number 34 says the women they are going to take the monies from the men and the men are going to provide and look after not just money, financial needs, you know, emotional needs and looking after your making you feel secured. That's the one great thing every woman wants from a man. Right? She wants to feel protected, secure and she wants to know that our

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future is secured with you sisters. Am I saying the right thing? Say a yes. If it's a yes. Thank you. Thank you. I spoken on behalf of you.

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Now need to speak on behalf of my brothers. Okay, my brothers, what did you want in

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Marriage Okay, you got into the marriage why Allah says in the Holy Quran in surah number 30 I number 21 Allah azza wa jal said he has created for you Hala kala commune and Viscom as well as and he created for you your spouse's your other half these are women and they can he gives them to you why Allah says liter school in a year so that you can find one thing that you need in your life is one thing all men need right men are desperate for this one thing what are they desperate for? Allah says little school Illya so that you can find peace in the sun guys, you can find peace. What does that mean? That means if you look in the Quran, Subhan Allah, the word sukoon has come with three

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things, three things in the Quran. Allah said sukoon with your wife, now the one that Allah says Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah Subhana Allah, Allah said he's made the night a means of peace for you. And the third one Allah says he, Allahu Allah. Min BeautyCon Allah says Allah, Allah has created for you houses and then he says in that IRA he said that he has made the houses and means of your peace. Being beauty come second. Now think about it. House. Night. Wife. Three things you get peace with. What is my man one? Man Man wants a woman. And what kind of woman does he want? He wants a woman with femininity inside her. A woman wants a man with masculinity inside him. What's

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femininity? Let me explain this to sisters. This thing a man will go crazy for you. And I'll get I'll come to you will what you go crazy with with a man Okay, so what does a man want from you? Man wants you to be feminine. What does that mean? He wants a soft voice. He wants a softness from you. He wants that gentleness, he wants you to be caring. He wants you to be there for him. Especially at nighttime. I hope you get what I'm trying to say right now. In return. What are the women want from you? She wants to feel protected. She wants you to be there for her. She wants you to be her man, her knight in shining armor, okay. She She wants that. Okay, men, you know what they feel they feel

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like that a man with the moment they can do that to you. They're like, this is my woman, I this is my woman I want to look after my woman I'm looking I'm providing for her. She's been provided by me. They love this role they feel like cherished and fulfill like, it's like I'm fulfilling my role over here the woman loves in your nature you will love to be to be, you know, looked after protected provided and so on. So if this is the case, and this is how it was for many, many, many years, and Allah azza wa jal says the Holy Quran, he gave this so for a woman, she wants all of this for a man, he's got like a man has more look, I'm going to tell you, I'm going to break it up a little bit

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more, because some people might not get it. A woman wants from a man for her emotional needs to be fulfilled more than our physical needs. Right. That's what a woman wants. She's got a lot more emotional needs, okay, she wants you to be nice to her, she wants you to be kind to her. Yes. And all those things go together. A man wants more of his physical needs to be provided more than his emotional needs. This is the this the basic nature of men and women. Now what happens sometimes is if you're not giving your feminine side, and sometimes when you're not giving your masculine side, the whole balance goes wrong. And this is what we've entered, we've entered a world where we've been

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pitched against each other, it's not supposed to happen. And honestly, I'm saying there's a lot of marriages at stake because of this. I have told I'm Allah, I'm gonna say to this, this thing to you, because I actually believe in this, right? We've seen it with the generations before us, for centuries and centuries and centuries of work like this, right? The man becomes the sole breadwinner of the heart of everything for the house from outside, the woman becomes the one that looks for everything inside the house. And they this man or woman or a unit together, right? It's the same thing. I saw my my own mother and father. And I'm sure many of you, I don't know, if you're not as

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old as me, maybe your story in your grandfather and grandmother. They stuck by each other. Doesn't matter how bad it got. But this is how they live their lives. And I've told my son, you know what I said to my son, my son's 19 years old, and I've set him straight as a son. I will he's working now right now. Okay, and I set him son, I want you to find a woman who you're going to provide everything for you're going to you're going to make a whole future and a whole, you know, whole life is going to something that you can guarantee for her. But I want you to find a woman that looks after the inside of your house. She cooks she cleans, she looks after your babies. Okay? She does

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that and you look after her future. So it's a complete union and it's been working for centuries. You know what I've said to my 16 year old daughter

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Anil Wallah him things do separately I said to my six year old daughter as a daughter, she is studying at the moment Right? She's studying at the moment and inshallah she will get a she might get a part time job and so on fine but you know what I said to her I said when you find a husband I want you to find a husband that your husband says I'll provide everything for you. You look after his house, you do everything that he needs look after his needs and the house his needs and the children's needs and let him look after your future and guarantee your protection and everything I've said this I took a look and I try my daughter you're thinking that I'm just making this up now

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I'm not making this up a while I said this because when the balance breaks it goes cuckoo shape right? Balance breaks is all handlers break now sometimes man let's get back to the modern world the modern world is different right? The modern world we've got sometimes houses or mortgages you got to pay someone the woman needs to go to work, okay, that's fine brother, sister. If you're married in a family where the woman needs to go to work and she has to then my first advice is try and make her go out for part time work, not full time work. And if you're gonna make her go for more than part time work, then that's up to you fine even part time with both of you husband and wife. You share

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what however you run the house that's up to you. I'm providing to you the Sunnah way of how Rasulullah sallallahu had it because Allah azza wa jal said in the Holy Quran, he says that he is the one that Allah call him, you know, he said, our region, you know, these are men meaning that in the Arabic language you look at it, Rachel means that he's got the legs. What does that mean? He's got more stability, general population, talking about general population comparison of women to men, men have more stability than women, right? In the sense of a married life in terms of love because though Allah gave the divorce in his in his hands, why? Because if there was divorce in the women's

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hands, okay, we know sometimes a lot of women can go through, you know, something where they probably just apply that divorce rights right away like they might, it might happen. And that's why because there's not that stability not being there. Allah gave it to the men so that they are more stable with that in their hands. Now, man, once you've got the divorce thing in your hand, you're not supposed to threaten her with it. You're not supposed to make it feel down and say that I'm going to divorce you and I'll do this to you and no, no, you're going to ruin your marriage. Your woman will go crazy for you. If you're a strong man, more on the inside the outside. What do I mean

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by that? Well, Soula Salah Some said that the strong man is not the man who can throw his adversary down in a wrestling match. The strong man is the one who can control himself when he's angry. When you're angry, bro. And you can your woman is setting you like she's like you know trying to get you more angry and you just can't control yourself. And two days pass by and then she says to you don't what she's gonna say to you. You're gonna say to you know, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean that.

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I didn't want to say all that to you. But you don't want to she's gonna tell you she goes she says to you, she goes for you know, but you never said anything to me. You never. You didn't say anything bad to though I was bad to you. And you know what? She loves you more now. I'm telling you why she loves you more women. If you agree with me just say yes. Thank you. Right? Guys, tell me this year, the day when your woman okay? She said something to you. She says something to you. And she said, Okay. And she says to do it again. She says it again. As you remind you again, and it keeps coming again. It's like an alarm bell. You can't switch off. It's coming to you again. It's coming to you

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again. It drives you guys crazy yes or no?

01:33:38--> 01:33:39

Tomorrow.

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I told you guys yes or no. Right? It's the scale. I'm not telling you. You guys, you strong here. I get some credit isn't the one thing a man doesn't want. Okay, fine. You told him you reminded him you want him to change. I understand that system. Just find different ways of getting through to him. But you don't need to say again and again and again. And again. Again. Now, if the man has heard you said it. He just looked what does he want? He wants peace. Okay, now if you can't get through to a man, right? There's plenty of ways of getting through to a man. Honestly speaking, if a man sometimes I'm a man myself, I'm telling you this right? Alright, man, sometimes you can get

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through to them through their stomachs, give them some good food. But if you're mad if your man is a foodie, if your man is a foodie, and you're a good cook, you got a brilliant, I'm telling you just cook his best dish and so on, you can get through to him, right? If your man is someone who has who loves the cookies at night, if I hope you know what I'm trying to say he loves the cookies a night and you give him the cookies at night. And he gets happy because a man loves it. And if you're worried women that you know my mind is going to start because sometimes you know what happens if I don't understand this right? You know if you have an argument between yourselves Why are you

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depriving each other

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The thing Allah told you to do by default, Allah said to the man, or Allah said the man, you have to provide for the woman, you know the man, some men, they get into an argument. Then they said, Okay, fine, I'm not gonna give you this right? I'm not gonna say this. I'm not gonna give you that, right? That's it. I'm not gonna get that much money. I'm not going to no money. She looks at him. She says, You're no money tonight. There's gonna be no honey. And I'm saying, no cookies for you tonight. Right? Oh, my God, what are you doing my man, you can't bring your argument to the financial level. Financially, you have to look after you have to provide for you can't withhold that from your woman.

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Because this is your responsibility. Women, you cannot hold that away from him. You know what, then they complain. The women complain, Oh, he's now interested outside of the marriage. Right? Well, what we will you created the problem. Actually, one thing my sister if you don't want your man ever to go for another woman, and so on, is the easy way. Make sure you give him plenty of cookies. Just make sure that you rinse him every single night. I'm telling you one thing is not going to go for another person. Now. It's a serious thing. I'm saying because a lot of the marital counseling we have to do. This is what we're hearing. We're hearing the women saying he's not going to do this for

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me. He's like this, his attitude has changed. He's grumpy. He's he's, you know, he's shouting at me. He's doing this and so on. And a lot of the men what we hear from them, she's not giving me what I want, right? She's not being gentle towards me. She's not being know the feminine side. I said, you're not doing that and the masculine side of you protecting her being her honor being a god, you're not doing that the moment you stop that you've got a serious problem that you bought yourself right? And I'm going to tell you straight up that you better you better change this because the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu ism is very, very different. I want to ask you that the Prophet

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salallahu Alaihe Salam gave us a wonderful life. All right, I'm gonna I'm going to come to the end of my speech. I'm gonna have q&a very shortly. Okay. The prophets Allah Smith showed us this right now we're living in a liberal Western democratic world. We've got ideas around us that pitches against men pitches against women. We've got certain situations in our modern day life which was in the in the profit and loss of life. Do not quote one sunnah by not quoting the other sunnah. I'm going to quickly tell you a story of the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam, okay, and then we're going to go straight into q&a. What is the story because a lot of people want to quote about the great

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character the prophets, Allah some Yes, sallAllahu Sallam his character was absolutely perfect. He was so merciful. He was Rahmatullah mean he had mercy for all of mankind. He was he used to come home he used to walk inside his to straightaway smiley face as a cheerful face. Okay? Salaam, firstly, his wife, his wife couldn't say salam teen before him. He comes in, he picks his wife I shall be Allah on the cheek. This is how are you Aisha? How's your day? How you been feeling genuinely okay. Then after he knows he's okay. He goes to his quarters. Subhan Allah allows him such a wonderful, wonderful character. And such a wonderful person Allah sent to this world. Now people

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want to quote that, but then they don't want to quote the other side. What's the other side? Did Rasulullah sallallahu someone get ever did he ever become angry? Yes, he did. What? How come you haven't heard about well, let me tell you about it very briefly, because nobody wants to talk about it. And what was his anger about his anger was about his values, and is one of the strongest men you will ever find. Those who lost a loved one was in a hadith he says he was stronger than 100 men of this world, right? Mentally, he was absolutely strong. Nobody could break him. Now this hobby Beloved Prophet sallallahu alayhi salam what happened is

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when you got mad, let's just let me ask a question. Right? If you women were in the time of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam and the Prophet Allah son was looking to get married again. Which one of you women if you are not married? Which one of you women would want to become the next wife of the Prophet Allah some Put your hands up, hands upon? That's good. That's good. Right? If I was a woman, if I was a woman, and obviously the process, man, honestly, I would have no hesitation in asked that question. Because you can imagine the best best creation Allah ever created. But guess what? Let me tell you one thing. Did you know let me tell you the other side. Did you know that the biggest

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Sunnah of the verse Allah said I'm in a marriage with his wives. Biggest thing was there's no expectations. There's no money, there's nothing. There's no expectations. I God Allah and she says, I saw from one full moon to another full moon to another full moon two months in between this not even the stove of the Prophet salallahu in the house was lit with fire because nothing was there to cook. It was a time of poverty. They will live in a time of poverty and Rasul Allah, Allah Mahad What did you have choose us? What did you eat? She said dates and water. That's what we had for two months. So when women want to get out when they want a beloved husband or Allah, you better think

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about the Sunnah, which is no expectations. Now what happens is this seven years into Medina life, the Battle of haber happens, okay? Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi salam

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He wins the battle. He has a lot of land that comes to his possession. With this land, what did he do? He first distributed a spoils of war to the soldiers who fought in the battle. After that, he gives it to poor people. After that, he then calls his wives. And for the first time ever, he said to his wife, they had nine wives alive at the time. All of his wives, he said, All of you are going to get a piece of land for each and every one of you equal to another, one piece of land equal to another. They were so happy. They were so elated. They went away. They had a discussion that day, and they said, you don't want the Prophet salallahu Salam, he's got more more land. Why don't we go

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and ask him tomorrow to give us more land before he distributes it to the poor people on the Moroccan and those who need it. So the next day when the Brazil doesn't gathered his wives, they said miss him, Allah we got something to ask you. He said what one of them said, We want you to give us more land, please because you've got more land just give us more now because you've got it with you. Just some additional land, we can all have an equal share again, Rasulullah Salallahu face changed. I showed the law how she said when he was angry, there was a vein in the middle of his forehead that was swell. It was like pomegranates that you could you would have squeezed into his

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cheeks as how red his cheeks became with a white complexion of a face that he had. And also Allah says We know what he did. He did not go to his wife that night, nor the next night nor the next night nor the next night, nor the next one until what 29 nights he didn't go to single wife. This is how angry the broke Salah son was and you know what happened? By the 30th day the rumors spread. The rumor spread inside the masjid that the prophets Allah has divorced all of his wives. It was a false rumor or model the Alana came in he said what he said the brothers Ozma has divorced all his wives he Where is where is he? And they said he's in hock your daughter has his house his daughter was

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moved to the Bronx Allah Salam. He went he went straight to his to his daughter's house to the staircase there. Rasulullah sallallahu was at the top he went there he No province Allah gave him permission to come inside when he came inside he said messenger of Allah Andrew is so the Messenger of Allah I heard you have divorced all your wives give me permission to behead my own daughter has his head. Perhaps Allah some calm or Marathi, Alana down he calmed him down. He told him he hasn't divorce his wives Rasulullah saw some came down to the masjid. He spent time with the Sahaba he quelled the whole situation down from that night he went back to his wives one night after another

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night in his rotation. His wives never asked him again for anything. The IRS came down. This is an end of the 21st joules of the of the Quran. It says Ya you have never Yeah, Allah azza wa jal says, oh, Prophet, only as logic tell your wives in countenance to read another higher dunya if your wives want to have the world more the world was because these were the words of the Prophet sallallahu sallam, then tell them here, I'll give you more. But after that, I'm going to say goodbye to you with a divorce with a nice divorce. I'll give you more. I'll tell you go, why and continue to read in Allah. And if your wives tell them if they want Allah and if they want the next life, then tell

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them this is how they should live. This is a Hadith whose most of us will not be talking about now. You see Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam how he did how he had his anger I won't tell this to the men over here is a very big lesson guys. Guys when you're angry You do not need to get physical No way. No way. You don't need to raise your voice you don't need to shout you don't say anything. You just need to give like Rasulullah saw some he gave so much love so much love so much love outside of this time. He used to peck his words on the cheek is to smile at them is to say how wonderful you know wonderful things to them. Okay. And then soon as he got angry, he withdrew his love. That's all it

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was. That was enough for his wife to step back in line. That was it. And these were things on his values. Okay. I'm going to tell you guys that you don't need to do any of those things which common men do. All you need to do is give a lot of love to your wives but when it comes to them crossing the line, just go quiet. And when you go quiet, hopefully they should have come back in line. When When men become like men. When men become like men, women will become like women. When women become like women men will become like men. That's what we're supposed to have lived like okay, this is true nature God my my sisters please some of you might not be happy with what I'm saying. I'm

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telling you what Allah created you to melt the heart of a man you can melt his heart just by you having your feminine feminine qualities qualities.

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feminine qualities

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mashallah, I think you guys put into that

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You're gonna get a bachelor of feminine qualities coming out and you guys show your masculine masculine qualities coming out. You will make wonders with your marriage just how you have a long, lovely lasting marriage. Okay, now what we're gonna do is we're gonna go straight to q&a