Imam Abdulrahman Basheer from Surviving to Thriving

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Haleh Banani

Channel: Haleh Banani

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Episode Transcript

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Salam aleikum. Thank you for joining us from surviving to thriving. I am here with our mom of Allen messed it up the rock man Mr. Abdul Rahman. Bashir. Welcome, swatting Salaam Alaikum. What I gotta do. Thank you very much. Thank you for having me. Viewers, thank you for joining us this afternoon. Yes, last time, we were talking about having this fear of which is so natural, we are all affected the fear of getting infected, the fear of loss, the fear of all the things that we are experiencing, and it's so normal. And we are hardwired for this, to find what is wrong within a situation, we're hardwired for it. And it's a survival mechanism. If we don't have some level of fear, then we may

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lead we may do some negligent things. So we just have to keep it in check making sure that this fear does not immobilize us, it actually we can take it and transform it, because we need to acknowledge it, in order for us to transform it. If you try to suppress it where a lot of people may say don't feel fear, don't be afraid. And if I tell you don't think about a pink elephant, what are you going to think about? A mama bird?

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A pink elephant, right? So we are going to think about that thing that you're saying don't think about because the brain actually cancels out that negative word. And so if you say don't eat junk, you're going to be eat chunky, chunky chunky. So you need instead of telling yourself, don't be afraid, tell yourself be calm and suppressing, it is not going to help because suppress suppression is like taking a beach ball holding it underwater. And then eventually what's going to it's going to come all up. So we need to acknowledge the fear that we have in order to transform it. So I'm wondering, Mr. Rahman, what is telecoil? And what role does it play in, in, in helping us to

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transform this fear so we can go from surviving to thriving?

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Well, the concept of tawakkol comes from the root of what Karla which means to assign responsibility to, to designate to move something forward to move to take an issue, and move it forward so that someone else's in charge, right, in normal vernacular, the word Joaquin is understood to be lawyer or attorney. And so in our worldly situation, a lawyer represents the client, a lawyer fights for the client, a lawyer makes sure makes sure that the client is protected, and does not say or do anything that will go against the best interest of the client. Because that's what that lawyer that what key you has, that that's the duty of that what key that is what they have been hired for. So

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likewise,

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what color what good means to establish that bond, starting from the heart with a last panel data, so what good means to assign the responsibility to assign the the outcome to Allah subhanaw taala. to know and to understand this relationship, and to know and understand that Allah subhanaw taala works in my best interest, even though you know, the the trial in no pun intended that we may be in the lawyer, even though the trial looks like it's going against us, or the odds may be stacked against us or society may look at something, the grand jury may look at something that oh, this is going down. But the lawyer says everything's gonna be fine. I know what I'm doing. This is what

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Allah subhanho wa Taala is telling us, when he says what Allah, he told me knowing that I know what I'm doing. So just hang in there. Know that Allah subhanaw taala has your back, just like your lawyer has your back. And if we can give that much credit that we give to a lawyer, you know, if we can, when a lawyer tells us, oh, everything's gonna be fine. Even though we have done something wrong.

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We have this sense of comfort that Okay, I'll be good. last panel has told us that again, and again, we'll be good.

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I like the fact that you give a practical perspective and and make it something that we can relate to these analogies. And metaphors have a profound impact on us because it's so easy to say have talakad but the how part is so important and visualizing the fact that we do give so much trust when we get we when we have a lawyer we we just surrender and we need to have that that even more surrender to to Allah and have more trust.

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So now, you know, since we since we talked about the concept of tawakkol right, it's so tawakkol we should trust a lot pantalla we should trust our last panel, Darla

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have this feeling how? How do we apply the Wakil? Are there any, you know, techniques

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on how to take this concept of the local and apply it in not just our mindset but our day to day week to week tasks and duties? Absolutely. You know, we don't choose our hardship, none of us chose to be in this pandemic, we don't choose to lose our jobs or have financial issues or have cancer, God forbid, we can only choose our response. So we are in this situation, we may feel completely out of control, or we have, we don't have a say in what has happened to us. But we can choose our response. And that's where the power isn't. Right? So between stimulus and response, there needs to be a pause button, where you reflect, and you think about what is it that I need to do right now?

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Because this is our test, right? We're in a global test. And we need to see how are we going to respond? Am I just going to be impulsive? Am I just going to be immobilized? Am I just going to give up and, and throw in the towel? Or am I going to respond in a way that all of these years of you know, listening to the hook, and listening, reading the Koran and having all that spiritual training? Am I now going to demonstrate that am I going to show my faith and am I going to show my, you know, my trust in Allah by responding in a correct way. And that's where the magic lies is knowing that you have some control, right? Because many people are, are just getting very anxious or

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very depressed, because they feel they have no control, but you do have control. And that is, that's something that it is very empowering. And this is what I always teach my clients that no matter what circumstance you're in, it may be very trying, and it may be very difficult right now and you're, you're struggling, but know that you are empowered because you can choose your response. And it reminds me of a book that I read years ago in graduate school,

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Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning, and it was just very profound that this is a psychiatrist that was in a concentration camp. And he survived it. But he saw everyone around him dying and going through such horrific experiences. And he used his knowledge of psychology and he thought, you know, what, how can I survive this, he thought I will go through this and teach others. And I will I will derive meaning from this horrific experience. And that's exactly what he did. And so he talks about a three step plan in dealing with something horrific like this one, is that you, you do good deeds, right? You take action, you're proactive. And the antidote to hopelessness is helpfulness. Right? So

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However, you can help now whether that's just checking on your neighbors, whether that's being a source of guidance, being a source of inspiration, helping out volunteer, whatever it is, as long as you take action, then you are going to feel a lot more, you're going to have a sense of meaning out of this. And the second thing is you have to have the sense of connection. When you connect even though we have social isolation, we can connect, we can connect online, we can check up on our on our friends and our family members. And I am hearing that more people are actually having deeper relationships and deeper conversations because of all of this. And then it's basically having the

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attitude where you have the attitude of making meaning, right you're deriving meaning and you change the tragedy into a triumph. So it's these three things combined together, it is doing the good deeds, having the connection and having the right mindset to be able to actually be at have that trust and and triumph.

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Not sure but that's that definitely is very important for us to to remind ourselves that to continue the good deeds right and to also be in the in the right in the right mindset.

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One of the things that contributes towards the right mindset is being reminded again and again about that right mindset. Right We last week we talked about how it last panel, Donna Tomas Allison, I'm very straightforward that the huff one attacks and don't worry, don't be grieved. Hey, come back. You're gonna you're gonna come out on top of this.

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One way to help with the mindfulness without sounding cliche, you know, many times viewers may may think that Oh, we've heard this again and again, again and again. Yes, you are going to hear things

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Again and again because those are the paths. Those are the keys, you know, to overcome this. One of the things is to do the vicar of Allah subhanaw taala. And what type of Vicar do I mean? has been a loved 1am I lucky, hacer una Allahu wa Namah lucky.

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Allah is enough for us. Right? Or has to be alone. Allah is enough. That's it. That is a statement. You're not asking Allah subhana wa tada and you think you're making a statement? You're making a proclamation, right? The The, the the, the the group in Surah Kahf is common for all moorambilla Ramona Raposa Mattila. It's about standing up making a firm stand once and for all and making a declaration which is the husband Allah, Allah subhanaw taala is enough for me I don't need anyone, anybody other than Allah subhanaw taala when you walk in, and what an amazing what kill what an astonishing Nima What a beautiful What an amazing walking out of all of the all of the human beings

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out there who say out of every out of all of the voices outside that say hey, don't worry about it, don't worry about it, I got your back. The best voice amongst all of those voices is the voice of Allah subhanaw taala telling us what Allah He felt yet or can it not be known? I mean, and what Allah He and it is only an Allah, you know, the wording of this is, you know, it's important that as we read the Koran, you know, we have to put on we have to put on a special type of lens. While we are reading the Quran, what Allah He forgets what we know. And it is only an Allah folia token in what we known that believers better be trusting us. Finally a token, this is a command you better be

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doing this. So Allah subhanaw taala is telling us You better be trusting Allah subhana wa Taala to remind ourselves of husband a loved one and Loki has to be a loved one, our Loki has to be a loved one our lucky, we will get tired of saying this. But Allah subhanaw taala will not get tired of reminding us again and again, who to really trust. So not only is it important for us to comfort each other through words, but we should comfort ourselves as well. You know, to sit down and remind ourselves who your lawyer is, who is working for you. And this lawyer doesn't have a partnership, right? There's not a partner of lawyers. There's no unless pentathol as a sole proprietorship,

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there's no [???] that there's no Corporation. There's one and done. That's it, what a lawyer say.

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You know,

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lawyers on where I lived in New Orleans is a very famous lawyer who I don't want to give business to right now but on their billboard, one call, that's all one and done. That's catchy. one and done. That's it, and we'll take care of you. So Allah subhanho wa Taala that that when he lay his muscle Allah, Allah billboard is the Quran. Allah has billboard is everywhere else, you know, low low, low,

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low rather low talker to Allah He de la Rosa Blanca Meyers, right? What does a bird do? A bird.

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Unless panadol is telling us to trust him like a bird trust Allah subhanaw taala? What is a bird do? Does a bird know where it's going to come from? Where it's going to come from? What? How hard or not hard it's going to have to work. But it still it still gets up off it off of its branch, right? And flaps his wings and does what it's what it needs to. Same thing with us. We do what we need to. But we have to constantly remind ourselves that if Allah brought us to it, he will get us through it. And and there's another huh? And it's so liberating. When you do that, you're no longer feeling this sense of anxiety that you have to keep it together. You have to micromanage you have to do all these

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things. It liberates you when you put that trust in Allah. Hello.

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Now, since we're talking about the concept of a token, right,

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how does applying this concept of token right so I talked about how it puts you in this comforting mode, reassuring ourselves that Allah subhanaw taala will help us what are some other effects that that reassurance has on one's mood and I want to say maybe comfort level?

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Well, trust is such an important aspect of any relationship. You know that when it's one of the main pillars, so you have the trust, you have that respect, then you have love. And now if you have anything happened to trust, let's take for example, in a marriage

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If a trust is broken, then there is this sense of feeling so lost. And there's so many. There's so much stress and anxiety when a trust is broken. But what's so reassuring is when we have this trust with a lot, like you said, is are the best way to heal and, and we can have actual serenity. And we can, we can surrender and feel, feel a sense of peace, when we are trusting when we have that trust in Allah. And when we have the any kind of any kind of relationship if we there's the trust exercise, right, where you fall backwards, and you'd see if your your spouse can catch you or not, right? That's a big trust, if you can. No, are they gonna catch me? Right? And sometimes siblings do

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that with each other as being able to do they want to catch me? They don't? Well, this is or do they want to catch me? Right? You want to right? But you put that trust and I you know, you you are even you know, there are times and I think we're all going through this and I felt this once before when we moved, let's say from eat, we were we're here from Egypt for just a summer vacation. And then a military coup happened we didn't go back. And we're just with our suitcases and, and we had to start a whole new life. And I felt like the the rug was pulled underneath us and we were tumbling in the air. And I think we're all globally feeling that we feel like the rug was pulled out we are

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tumbling. But what I always say is, you know these, think about a trapeze artist, okay, trapeze artist, what gives them that confidence to be able to do all those stunts, what do you think?

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Either concrete on the bottom or safety net? The, the safety net, right? So they have to and you know, sometimes people say no, they practice they have skills, no one would be risking their lives tumbling, if that net wasn't there, right? So we have to, you know, as you said, Allah is above all examples, but he is our safety net. And so while we are tumbling up in the air, we know Allah goddess, and having that sense of trust in Allah and knowing that whatever we're going through, is actually best for us. And it's so hard to really conceptualize that, because so many people are like, what's good about this, and I'm cooped up in the house, and you know, my family's getting on

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my nerves and all these bad things. But actually, what I'm seeing I have a group, it's a mindful hearts. It's a group of sisters, and it's all about empowerment. And what I'm seeing is that they're applying all the skills that we've been learning all along about putting that trust being confident and making the most being positive. And what I'm seeing and what I'm hearing from them is that this is a time that they're actually thriving, they're thriving in their marriages are thriving with their children, they are thriving in themselves, and it's just, it's beautiful to see that it can be demonstrated, if you if you you know, have that right mindset and you put the right trust, then so

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many good things can come out of this.

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You know, I there is a book by Simon Sinek called start with why not with the what? Not with the how not with the were definitely not with the news, right? Why do these things happen? And, you know, one way to start in, you know, monetizing, right spiritually benefiting and monetizing from our situation is to understand why these things have happened.

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It may not be the what the reason we may concoct in our mind may not be the real reason, but if that's the reason that helps you right now, okay, so

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you know, okay, I'm trusting in a lot but you know, I'm putting my trust in Allah subhanaw taala I'm having a hard time getting through this, being cooped up at home with in front of the family and kids but understand the why right? Why Allah subhanaw taala put me in this situation maybe I had lost my trust in the last panel to Allah or I wasn't expressing my trust enough in the past I mean, you know, sometimes we need that little nudge or that nip in the bud and this may be that nip in the bud you know, may Allah Subhana Allah forgive us from you know, things unfolding you know, things going downhill from here. The only thing we want going downhill is the is the number of of Corona

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cases, right? We need to we need to curve that flatten the curve. So, you know, there this could be the why behind it, you know that oh, you know, the trusting Allah. Allah doesn't have business hours, right? It's not okay. Apply when needed. Apply as needed.

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No, though alcohol isn't, isn't at that tier of medication. It's, it's your daily, hourly, weekly dose of Hey, Allah subhanaw taala it should be trusting and Allah Subhana Allah it's, it's easy to trust Allah Spano, tala, or it's easy to say we have trust in Allah subhanaw taala. When all we know all of our bills will be taken care of at the end of the month when we know our growth, you know, when everything you know, when we know amazon prime is going to deliver on time. It's easy to put trust. Oh, yeah, everything will be fine. But then as soon as you get that notification that Oh, there's a delay in delivery. Oh, my God, we start, don't lose control of your ship. You know, grab

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the steering wheel and navigate through this putting our trust in Allah subhanaw taala. Yes, asking why like the wisdom behind it and also asking your why, like, what is the why as far as like, what is going to? What is it that you need to do right now? Right and finding your why that's the key phrase, finding your why, where, okay, maybe right now I need to step up, I need to be that positive influence for my family. My Why is I need to, you know, I need to pull together with my community member. And when you do that, then it really gives you that sense of purpose. It really drives you to take action because the worst thing you could do is just sit at home, get all the news, feel

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depressed, feel helpless, hopeless, and then you're totally done. You're immobilized. But again, like what I was saying is that the antidote to helplessness is, is what was it? the antidote to hopelessness is helpfulness. So we need to find our why and take action so that we can we can inshallah, again, go from surviving to thriving because we don't want to just merely you know, we don't want to just hold our head above the waters we want to be able to take this opportunity and see it as the spiritual wake up call that it is, and like you were saying, that I love that they can relate that's my inner loop that with this remembrance of Allah, our hearts are at peace and

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Mashallah you see that some people are really able to keep it together because they have that connection, because they are, they are reminded of haspin Allah when that man like he is so inshallah that we can all have that serenity we can cope with our fear and and have used these practical steps to have tawakkol and the calm and sha Allah.

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Shalom does not the l'affaire

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sister holla for your insight, thank you for having me. And we just want our our viewers to know inshallah every every Tuesday, supposedly at one o'clock we're getting there we're getting closer and closer and closer. Yeah. You know, trusting Allah Subhana Allah. Right, right, that inshallah we'll be there at one o'clock thank you for giving us a part of your afternoon folks. We ask Allah subhana wa Taala to allow our community to benefit from from the the insight and the wonderful advice that we are hearing from sister Hallo We ask Allah subhanaw taala to bless her and her family and y'all stay safe as well. So it's like calaca for being on we've benefited from all the all the

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stories that anecdotes verses of the Koran and May Allah bless you and your family and our whole community and our community globally. I pray that we will get through this inshallah. So it's like a lot here. Though I leave wanting to learn how

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to lay better data