Spiritual Grounding Finding Calm During Stressful Times of the Year 02

Haifaa Younis


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The importance of mental health during the pandemic is discussed, emphasizing the need for mind control and mental health management to avoid overwhelming emotions. The speakers stress the importance of recognizing and reframing negative emotions, listening to one's thoughts and feelings, and using small things to manage one's behavior. The speakers also emphasize the need for practice and understanding the power of the human body to manage one's behavior, and stress the importance of mental health for everyone.

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Kumara rahmatullah wa barakato Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala rasulillah while he was so happy here woman Juana la malim nam I am founder, one foreigner Bhima alum tena in the Kissimmee on Mooji. We do our llama now to become an annual lionpaw wakatobi lakeisha on FC Latisha What do I use my umbrella to sue when a bad is had a tenner? Or having an amulet on Karama in the counter or hub? Probably shortly sundry us silly Emily waterlog but Emily Sahni of Coppola said it come again welcome back again. Tuesday Night seven o'clock. central time we are doing today in sha Allah part two. All of you handler by maybe joined us last week and we really enjoyed looking at the from the

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Islamic point of view and spiritual point of view how we are should And may Allah subhanaw taala help us all to handle and live with and help us to go through difficulty anxiety, depression, mental illnesses, and we went through the spiritual parts if I want to just recap what we learned last week, number one, if you remember all we said make Allah subhanaw taala is your priority. And this is the most important thing it's in everything not only when we are dealing with anxiety, and number two is a dua ask Allah supplications always ask Allah Subhana Allah to make things easy. We talked about the SD for asking a lot fantana for forgiveness constantly and things

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become easier. We talked about priority and having a list whether the list is on your phone whether the list is digital or whether the list is basically piece of paper but very important is the list the daily list because it will help you to know what's the priority. Where are you so you don't feel overwhelmed. I have a lot of brand new we had last week. As you all remember sister Nigel Awad joining us from

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East Coast of the United States. It's a pleasure to get to have back again welcome back and it's good to see you again. Nice to see you too. Thank you for having me again. Absolutely. And humbler Bellamy she will take us today to the psychological ways or advices basically how to go over this and this is something we all need to remember when we get sick any kind of sickness there is two things they come together there's a spiritual Allah has the heater and all the spiritual part but also the magical part. We need to combine them together a must pantalla will put the Baraka and the heating it through the magical part welcome Yeah, and Nadia, I will give the mic and the floor to

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you Bismillah Bismillah Thank you, thank you again for having me. And so last week we we talked about how difficult this time of year can be.

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With back to school, you know, everybody here it was women, a lot of us are mothers, how stressful that can be getting our kids prepared back to school and how sometimes we overlook things for ourselves. And we also talked about how with with Autumn in the fall sometimes it's we have some of us experience seasonal affective disorder is much higher in women. And then of course the pandemic which has become a new normal but it's not normal. So you know, when we're talking about the the spiritual aspects, those are the priority, and all the tips that she has just mentioned, install today like talking more about

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a healthy mindset, the psychological and the mental aspect of mental health and hygiene.

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And, you know, we talk about the importance of physical health, exercise taking care of our body. But many times we don't talk about the importance of, of our mental health and making sure that that is at the optimal level. A lot of times we we are very reactive instead of proactive, we wait until things go wrong. We wait until you know things are we're very depressed or our marriages are terrible or our kids are you know, having lots of issues. We wait until too long, but if we take care of ourselves, just the way we take care of our body.

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And so we'll be in a much better mindset to cope with stress throughout the entire year. We will have better meaningful relationships and also we can have better spiritual health as well because we know that the connection between mental health and spiritual health so just in the way we take care of our bodies, you know, it's important that we take care of our of our mind.

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And you know, last week you asked me something very interesting, like, how does a person even know that they're, they're stressed like what is what is stress? So stress is a very normal human reaction were designed to, to experience stress. Chris is not inherently good or bad. It's just a part of life. A part of the trials and tribulations of life and

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In some cases, it's good for us, you know, if you are an athlete, if you don't have

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a little bit of stress, mild stress or even moderate stress, you're not going to prepare, you know, for for your competitions or your games, you're going to have a laid back attitude on the field, you're just gonna, you know, be having a grand old time, you're not going to care. So that stress, you know, helps you do your best thing with the students. You know, if if they are, they don't have a little bit of stress, they're not going to study. And this applies to all all different aspects of our life. So it's not inherently good or bad, it's only bad when it becomes too much.

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Because then it becomes not just impact online, but then it is harmful for for our bodies as well. And a lot of times

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we see those manifestations through psychosomatic complaints, where people are going undergoing a lot of stress, but then No, I don't, I don't have stress. No, you know, everything is fine, everything's going away, but they have chronic headaches, you know, they're always going to the doctor with, you know, random aches and pains. And that's because their body's telling them something is not right, you're not sleeping enough, you're not taking care of yourself, you're, you know, undergoing a lot. So.

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So nobody will be able to know your stress the way you do. And that's why it's important for us, as Muslims, as women, to be able to be in tune with how we are, we're very in tune with everybody around us that we take care of, right. But we have to deal with ourselves. When I wake up, do I wake up heavy? You know, when I'm praying do I have? Do I have push Sure, when I'm with my family, my snapping at everybody, or I'm enjoying people's company, you know, these are little signs that tell you if you're stressed, or you're not stressed.

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And so occasional stress is fine, we have episodic stress, like, you know, things that come up over and over. Again, it's fine as long as you manage it, but when it becomes chronic back when it becomes really, really bad, sometimes even traumatic, and traumatic experiences, I think we talked last week, those are terrible incidents that happened to you. That almost changed the way how you interact with the world, how you see the world. And, you know, through research, we we found that people have many more experiences than they know. And us you know, most of us are a lot of us come from immigrant families, our parents or grandparents have experienced a lot of stress back home. And

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we know through epigenetics, that those things, we have biomarkers, and that we might be even more predisposed to certain kinds of stress.

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So you know, being into and having that barometer that we talked about any given day, you know, zero is no stress 10 is the absolute worst. You know, am I feeling a five today? Am I feeling a three or two? And then, you know, acting accordingly if your stress is higher, putting those things in place, so you know, you're able to cope better. And if it's lower him delay, you know, carry on, but continue to do the things that sustain your your mental health and hygiene. Be grateful.

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Enjoy your day. Don't say welcome. Yes, definitely.

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So yeah, so we talked about spiritual aspects and the body. Now the mind is very important to, to look at. Because if you think about even the way Shea THON works with our psychology, it's not that we get this, when we don't go to action. We don't just I'm gonna steal today, I'm going to do this. No, there are thoughts, like the thoughts come, we think about it, and then we do it. So our day to day thoughts are very important, not just in our actions, but how we perceive the world, how we perceive a law, and we have to be very vigilant of our, our thoughts, we don't know, we are not responsible for the, you know, when the thoughts when they when they first come in, we know that

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because their heads about, you know, Sahaba having terrible thoughts and then being petrified, and prophesize them saying that, you know, it's a sign that you're a believer, if it's, if it's something that, you know, bothers you this this much. It's, it's when you think about or you entertain the thought, that's when it becomes a problem.

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And so,

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paying attention to thoughts, and especially for anxious people, knowing that 85% of the time, we think that things are worse than they are. So they did a study on this. If people have stress 85% of time they're wrong, the outcome turns out to be better than they expect. And 80% of the time it turns out people do better

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than they anticipate. So a lot of the stress is actually, in our mind, it's something that that builds, and we make things to be worse than they are.

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So in dealing with the mind and many of these different aspects,

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my colleagues also tonight, as you know, we did a trauma series where we talked a lot about cognitive distortions, cognitive distortions are unhealthy ways of thinking.

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And what is this cognitive distortion is an, it's a pattern of an unhealthy way of thinking, okay. And these patterns develop over over time. And so in each of our chapters, we talk about one particular cognitive distortion and how to how to deal with it. But what is our framework, we had come up with the approach, we took it from sort of the heart, and when we look at sort of the house panela, it's a surah with so much feeling, and so much with psychological with them, when we when we look at it,

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and you buy a when you take it apart, you can extrapolate and and connect it with current research as how we can take those tools and better our mental health today. So you know, even when it starts, we'll go how with at the center, by the morning brightness, and by the night when it covers with darkness, will do. So we know that at the end of at the end of the tunnel, there's light, you know, there's that optimism, being optimistic and being grateful and being appreciative and trying to look to the better in any situation can be can do wonders for your for your mental health. And that's probably the next day your Lord has not forsaken you nor has he tested you. Remember last year, we

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talked about attachment, and how the importance of attachment how we get it from very early on in life. But how that attachment with our caregivers, a lot of times, it mirrors the attachment that we have with with a lot and how sometimes we develop certain thoughts or attachment styles to Allah based off of our experiences here. And so here the last half hour, Sal is telling the Prophet size seven, and he says

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that he's not forsaken him. And so the importance of attachment us knowing the importance of attachment of attachment to a lot in the darkest of time, not immediately going and thinking, Allah hates me, he has forsaken Me, these bad things are happening because I did something, it goes to, you know, thinking hasn't been thinking the best best of Allah and holding on to that rope of Allah.

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And then after that, and the Hereafter is better for you than the first and your Lord is going to give you and you will be satisfied. And you know, during during hard times, well, it feels like you're stressed that you're in the middle, and you cannot get out.

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And so when you have perspective that as hard as this dunya can be as hard as some of the moments that we have. That's how there's something better in store for us later. If we hang on, as you know, to to our relationship with Allah and we try our best and we seek gender, we know that as bad as things can be, there is better inshallah. And that hope carries us through and that this is not final stress that I'm feeling the horrible things that happened to her it's not final, which although there's going to be better Allah is most just, you're going to compensate me and and there's no hope on the other side.

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And then the next day, did he not find you an orphan and give you free refuge, and he found you lost and guided you. And He found you for and made you self sufficient. And this is something that I want to talk more about the power of cognitive reframing.

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So going back to the cognitive distortions.

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A lot of times we don't pay attention to the thoughts in our head, we just experienced them.

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And so but when we become cognizant of them, and we realize oh wow, that's an unhealthy thought that I had, we have the power to change this theory here the last half hour is almost cognitively reframing it for the process that he did he not find you an orphan and he gave you refuge, it's a reframe. And He found you lost and he guided you, it's a reframe, anytime you pour and he may be self sufficient. So we need to do the same thing with ourselves when we have these unhealthy thoughts, recognizing them and not pretending like they don't exist or trying to suppress them, but reframing them that they're so that they're healthy, so our mind is healthy so we can look at the

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world, you know, from a healthy perspective and inshallah we'll get into that in a little a little bit more.

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And the next day, so as for the orphan do not affect him and as for the petitioner did not repel him. I think last time we also talked about this

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How much the research

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suggests that helping others is good for mental health as long as they do it because we want to measure right we want we want all those kinds of pleasure but even when you look the secular research they find that there is benefits in helping those who have less maybe it's you know seeing less makes you feel better about your situation maybe there's some kind of bedrock and helping other people

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but you know, this is an important tool and mindset you know, looking to those who have less than you than those who have more than you and

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and giving and giving so that you know you're not stuck there like why don't have this Why don't I have this when you see people less than you you know, it's going to be better so volunteering helping where you can can be a very good

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tool and you know, in in us talking about the fall and how like jam packed it is. It doesn't have to be something big he doesn't have you don't have to over commit yourself but helping here or there in ways that can be small and Shelton, you can you know, bring a lot of America and help you. It's like the hadith of Swami Salatu. Salam, I'm sure you know it, I'm sure you put it in your series is the order is on board, even who I mean come for junior. Look at those who are lower than you in dounia. And then he gives the reason cognitive reframing, I love the word for whoever latches the Rooney amatola era. This will make you appreciate the near Mr. Falah upon you exactly what you just said.

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So it's really nice to reframe. And then number two, be a volunteer do something for somebody, even if it's your neighbor, old person cook for them, or help them take them, you know, the power of how do you say it, power of giving or power of it, the power of doing the panel is called behavioral activation. So you can do as much work as you want in your head. But it's not until you take the action. Okay, that you're solidifying those things, and taking that extra step that you're helping yourself. Yeah.

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I love that.

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And so and the sort of ends with as for the favor of your Lord reported, you know, going back to practicing gratitude, giving sugar, you know, giving sugar in good times, but also giving sugar in bad times as well. So from all these, you know, it's kind of other tools that we can use that we can implement into our day to day lives, to help maintain our mental health, not to wait until the last minute, but practicing these regular things on a regular basis, helping gratitude, reframing,

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all these things can be very helpful. So it's from the to do list that you talked about last week, these needs to be part of it, before I get to the point.

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So it can be part of it can be part of it, but it can also be part of your day to day. And I can I can I can talk more about that. So there are as panelists, a THON has a certain psychology himself. And he plays tricks on everybody. Right? And when we look at unhealthy ways of thinking, there's many different kinds, right? But even in our series, we talked about 10 specific ones, there's 10, very common, unhealthy ways of thinking. And I'll just go over a few. Because once you recognize them, just in your day to day life, you'd be like, Oh, that was that's an unhealthy way of thinking, I didn't realize that. And that power, that now you are insightful enough to even recognize it, that

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will give you the opportunity to now change it.

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So I'll just talk very superficially, very briefly, like a very common one is all or nothing thinking. Things are black and white. Things are either all good, or all bad. People are all good. All that I love you or I hate you. There's no in between, you know, and why is this bad? Because

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rarely, things in life are bad, right? Many things come in shades of gray. You know, my friend did such and such does that make her a bad person? No, you know, if she she's still the person, maybe she made a mistake. I failed an exam. Does that make me a bad student? Am I going to drop out now? No. I pick myself up and I and I try and work on it. And I bring up my migrate. Um, you know, and so it's not looking at things in black and white. When we do that we find ourselves more stressed. So that's a very common one. Another one is over generalizing. So you're taking one small thing and you're applying it to everything, you know.

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So I think, yeah, I have a flat a flat tire today. Everything's gonna go wrong. The rest of my day is gonna go bad. You know, nobody's looking out for me. My family didn't come and get me

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I did my drive, we are alone. Why did this happen, you know, like just over general going too far, we taking one little thing and you're turning into a huge deal, you know, and that that we have to be mindful of, if bad things happen, but we have to also look to the to the good, it's not in that instantly gravitating to to overgeneralizing and making things bad.

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And that goes to the next one, like mental filter. So filter, you know, like, when you put something in a filter, it keeps things out, and only certain things come out. And over time, you know, with life and experiences, sometimes we develop a negative filter, that's good things might even happen to us, but we're not paying attention because we're filtering those good things out. And we're only paying attention to those, those bad things.

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If you have a filter that everybody hates me, you know, you're not going to pay attention, when someone opens the door for you. When someone brings you lunch, those things go in there, you're not they're going and they're staying in the filter, you're not paying attention to them, you're going to focus on this person said this to me, this person said that to me. So all this ties into to gratefulness to, to a lot of the content that we just talked about.

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jumping to conclusions, you know, and, you know, this can happen where you it even ties into thinking

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that we should assume the best and think good about other people. So this person didn't text me back, because they're, they're not a good friend, right? before.

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Hmm. They don't like me. They don't like me, um, this person, you know, they, they didn't come to my house because such and such. So it's, it's jumping to conclusions, which is very bad, because everyone has their own life. Everybody has their own problems. And a lot of the times what other people do has nothing to do with us. You know, how do you not know that your friend had a fight with her? I don't know, with her spouse? How do you not know that this person that was rough with us at the store, maybe they are so depressed, it took everything out of them to go to the store that day? had nothing to do with you. Not that we tolerate abuse, of course, but not jumping to conclusions

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every time that this is all about me. This is because a reflection of you know, bad things, which is

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it's also from the sooner a term you

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find an excuse for your brother or sister.

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In law. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's easy. Otherwise, it's easy, just assume good and it becomes a pattern, it becomes habitual. And we know that about wiring in our brain, right? I mean, yeah, we have neuroplasticity, but also whatever you practice will get ingrained in your, in your brain. If you practice gratitude, the next time, the next opportunity you have, will be easier to practice gratitude, just the way with sins, too. If you practice the sin, you know, it's a sin, but the next time it's going to be easier to commit that sin. Because when you practice something over and over these pathways build, and it just becomes easier and easier. So that's why you know, these are not

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just random thoughts, but they're patterns. And so it's good for us to be aware of what patterns Do I have, you know, maybe my patterns are different than your patterns. Maybe I jumped to conclusions a lot, maybe you have black and white think I don't know, but knowing what you are susceptible to. So that in your day today, you catch yourself when these thoughts come. Because a lot of people that I work with in my office, especially with anxiety and depression, what happens is the thought comes,

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and then they sit with it. And they entertain it, you know, and it grows, it snowballs there and you might know this better than me, but I know that there was

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a scholar, and he had an amazing thing. He said, you know,

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thoughts are like strangers, or like strangers in the street, you know, or even evil people in the street. Those people are not going to harm you unless you stop and talk with them.

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And same with the concept of thoughts too, right? We all get thoughts. We all get thoughts. But it's not until you sit and be like, Oh, well, you know what, maybe this is true. And the five minutes turns into 10 minutes, turns into half an hour. And before you know a lot of people you'd be surprised they sit there for two hours thinking about these things. And then it just makes them feel worse and worse and worse. So anyway, going back to the importance of you know, catching them on early

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so that you can deal with them more efficiently and just be in a better state of mind. To this point, we will say avoid negative thinking.

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So, so I would recommend so these top 10 unhealthy ways of thinking if you Google it, it comes up everywhere you will find them, you know reading through them and identifying and so you're actually

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This is a good segue. So with unhealthy thoughts, you don't want to suppress them. You don't want to act like they don't exist. Because they've done studies and they found when you try to suppress thoughts, they just usually come back more. But don't think about this don't, you know, don't think about a white elephant.

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Right now everybody's gonna be thinking about a white elephant cuz I told him not to. So I think when you suppress them, they come back more, the idea is that you want to be gentle with yourself. Oh, okay, that was not a healthy thought. I'm not going to make myself feel bad, or I'm not going to beat it, you know, like a dead horse. I'm just going to reframe, now. Now you can be overly, there is like toxic positivity, where you turn things like you pretend Everything is fine. And, and that's not good either. But you want to reframe them. And let me let me talk more about that. So for example, you get the thought of, you know, I'm a bad mother.

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That's initial thought. So I could sit there and be like, yeah, you know, I didn't give my kids healthy food today. One of my kids fell outside, you know, and I could sit there, right? But if I catch you, and I said, Oh, you know what? That was, that was an unhealthy but let me stop myself right there.

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I had a rough day. You know, I tried my best, I had a lot of stressful things going on. And so a lot Tomorrow, I will try again. And maybe tomorrow, inshallah will be a better day tomorrow, I'm going to take them to the park, they love the park. And that's okay. All people have bad days. So you see the difference? In the two, you're not pretending like nothing happened, you're not going like, Oh, I'm a perfect mother and nothing went wrong. That wouldn't be right. It doesn't make any sense. But it's reframing it and that, okay, what happened is, it's, it's fine. You know, I can't change it. I can't change the past, but I can, I can change the future.

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Or even now, we're talking a lot about the stress with with the phone and all these things coming up. You can say, you know, I'm, I'm, I am overwhelmed, I'm drowning, I just, I'm useless. There's, I can't do anything, I can't do anything. Everybody's doing stuff, I can't do anything.

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So another, you know, way of reframing that is,

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okay, you know, I had I am stressed, I have a lot going on. That's okay. You know, I, I

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am going to make a list of the things I need to do. Tonight, you know, I'm going to I'm going to make drop, I'm going to ask a lot to help me and tomorrow, first thing in the morning, inshallah, I'm going to start working on that list.

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So it's not that oh, I have no stress, everything is perfect. It's no, I you're recognizing the thoughts. Okay. But you're not you're not going with them. You're not going with them. You can Okay, sit down. Let me reframe it. And let me try and move forward in a in a healthier kind of way. Okay, okay. So you don't brush it? It's there, because that's healthy way of ident. But don't overreact. And don't make it the center of your life. Don't make it the center don't make it like everything is over. Because of that, that one thing, you know, just knowing that we all get unhealthy. But it's just not staying with them. It's called rumination. So people who think about the same thoughts over

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and over and over and over, called rumination, there's actually you know, it's a real thing. So we don't want to do that. Like

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rumination, r u m, I N nation, rumination

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in common with people with anxiety, because they just tend to think about the same thing over and over. And it makes them feel so so bad. And the irony of it is, you're so preoccupied with your thoughts. It prevents you from taking action.

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Right? So it's almost like a double whammy. Wow. So when you say I'm paralyzed, we use always this word. I feel like I'm paralyzed. I can do anything. So it's real. Yeah, analysis paralysis. A lot of people they overthink things so much that they It feels like they're, they're paralyzed. So you know, one tool I like to do with that, is I just like to think, what's the next step? Just one? What's the next step? You know, like, my house is a complete mess. I can't do anything. I'm thinking about the yard in the basement and this was the one that was one of the next step. Okay, I'm going to just pick up the laundry. That's it.

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You pick up the laundry, okay. I'm gonna go do the dishes, and you go do the dishes. Sometimes we just we overwhelm ourselves. So anytime you're completely overwhelmed. Just be like, Okay, I'm gonna put this all this to the side. I just, I'm gonna focus on the next step only. And I'll just go one step at a time. Now.

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Is this is easy, easy, said, easy done, from your experience?

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Well, I mean, not I didn't mean experiences.

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As a professional,

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I mean, it works for me, I, you know, I have anxiety just like everybody else for me. And when I get overwhelmed, it helps me list and the next step helps me actually today I was like, I have so much to do I have this I have this, I've got this appointment, all this was okay, what do I, I'm gonna go pray. After I pray what I have to send this email, you know. And then before I know I did five things, and now I feel really, I feel good. So now I'm building momentum and talk to the patients. I'm sorry, when you talk to the patients, they feel this helpful, they can practice it. Yes, they can practice it. Now, don't get discouraged if it doesn't work right away. Because remember, if

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you've been thinking unhealthy for 20 years, you're not going to learn this new tool. And, you know, it's now it's magic. It takes this takes practice. And one thing to say especially with anxiety, imagine like a racetrack, you know how the car goes round and round. So this is what anxiety does. The car goes round and round and out. And so these tools, you're putting a stop.

00:31:04--> 00:31:31

So the car comes, you know, and it'll stop. It'll stop it for a while, but you know, we're human beings things are normal, it's gonna go again, they'll say, Oh, no, it didn't work in the car left again. No, he said, okay, it left I'm gonna put it back. And sometimes it takes 20 times. But the more you practice, going back to that wiring in your brain, the more you practice, the easier it becomes and before you know it, inshallah, it becomes a habit. Okay. hamdulillah okay. Yeah.

00:31:32--> 00:31:51

Um, so but you know, even with all our thinking about reframing our unhealthy thoughts, the most important is also how we think about Allah. Because during stressful times, that's the easiest thing to go to. Everything is going wrong. I wonder if Allah is punishing me allows you know, he's

00:31:52--> 00:32:17

suffering like assuming he's not protecting me, you know, such and such happened he didn't predict. So in in really hard times, for some people, it can be very easy to go there. And before you you know, some before you know, if you keep sitting with that thought, it grows and it grows and it grows and before you know it, not only is your mental health affected, but now you can have serious problems with your spiritual health. Right, right.

00:32:19--> 00:32:47

And so, making sure that our thoughts about Allah are are healthy, you know, Allah, I don't know why things why my day went the way it did. I know, you know, that, that you that you care about me and that, you know, I'm doing my obligations and I'm doing my thought and I'm trusting you, I trust you, you are my protector, you know, and reframing those those thoughts, because if, if you have that

00:32:49--> 00:32:57

disrupted attachment with Allah, I mean, who are you going to turn to? You know, all other Do you use da da

00:32:58--> 00:33:45

da. That's sapling lemma can be kochava boon. Allah fellow Bali. We know when it was on his offer, some came back from birth, when everything was closed. Literally, like, you know, everything is captured, his wife died, his uncle died, he went to they made fun of him didn't believe and he went back. Right and he stood up on that mountain and he made this long beautiful day. Where Where are you? He was talking to Allah to whom you are leaving me to an enemy who is going to take over me or talk to a family who this deserted me and then he said lemmya can be kochava Bonelli Valley This is actually the best dua whenever things I always use it whenever things are crumbling, you know, you

00:33:45--> 00:33:50

feel there's absolutely no way it's amazing when you see this word.

00:33:53--> 00:34:09

Yeah, no detail if you can put it's called out Paul, if you can. It's amazing. Chapin Allah, because immediately, but not like this moment. But what's happened afterward. cumulus rot one mirage. Allah took him ascended him up.

00:34:10--> 00:34:52

But he made him go through this is what I always tell people, when you go through difficulty, who is the most beloved person to Allah fantana roswaal A sacral center. So Panama so I love this far. It's like don't me I don't want to it's not it's a lack of other Buddha law, but I shouldn't blame Allah. May Allah forgive me, ina Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, when we look at the life of the Prophet, I said, he had he went through so much. And when you look at prophet Yusuf prophet Russa like they have gone through a lot and so this instant thing like something bad happened to me and must be something my relationship with Aloma there must be something wrong. It's not it's not true.

00:34:52--> 00:34:56

Otherwise the best of mankind, they wouldn't have been tried in that in that way.

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It's upon law already.

00:35:00--> 00:35:16

Yeah. So you know, for some people, when they're starting out, it might be hard reframing their thoughts. So what I recommend is, you know, if this is something that you're struggling with, you know, get a journal and in the morning, and in the evening, you know, fold a piece of paper and a half,

00:35:18--> 00:35:27

you know, sorry, just waiting on it, we pulled in a half. And then on the one side, you want to have the unhealthy thoughts on on the other side, you want to have the healthy thoughts.

00:35:28--> 00:35:49

And so you want to, you know, write it down, and start to practice. So today I had this thought of, you know, this is just an example, my mother, my mother hates me, just, you know, right. And on the other side, I would say, No, she forgot to call me you know, she, she, she has a lot of things going on, she has the house, she has this thing, you know,

00:35:50--> 00:36:09

you know, giving excuses or whatever reframing it. And so what this is I like to compare to brushing your hair. What happens when you don't brush your hair? It gets all tangled, right? And so if it's, if this is a new strategy strategy for you, in terms of reframing your thoughts, just take five minutes in the morning. Well, in the morning might be hard, because you just woke up.

00:36:11--> 00:36:32

But more in the evening, you know, writing down just five minutes, what are some of the unhealthy things that you thought about and then reframing them. And over time, you will find that those unhealthy ones will start to go down, because you're addressing them day after day, you'll find Okay, I don't even have a need to continue this because now it's automatic, it's become a habit.

00:36:34--> 00:36:40

So I do recommend that, that practice for people starting out, it's a part of reframing.

00:36:41--> 00:37:06

Yeah, so it's just doing it on paper, instead of doing it in your head for people who are very new, just doing it on paper, so they can practice because I can like I can do it, because I've done it a million times, right. But when I first started, it probably didn't feel very natural. So for those people I recommend, you know, write it on paper, on one side, the unhealthy and on the other side, the exact same thing, but the healthier version of it. Okay.

00:37:08--> 00:37:14

The power of writing extra, you know, reading, right? Yeah, yeah.

00:37:16--> 00:37:44

Yeah, um, you know, there are a few other ones, but I know that we're probably low on time. I don't know, if you wanted me to have you, we still have some time, because we need to leave because your mother and my mother Rob, maybe we can have another 10 minutes. If you have more, or we can throw some questions. Also, we may be able to get it. So let me know what you'd like to do. I can I can keep going very, very quickly. Okay. I do. I'm enjoying it. I'm sure everybody else's. So I hope so.

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Um, so another thing during anxious times during stressful times is we keep going to the to the future. We're hardly ever in the present. You know? And that's part of gratefulness, too, is that if you're thinking about well, what's gonna happen next week? What's gonna happen next month? Am I gonna remember this? Is this gonna happen? It is focusing on all these things that you can't control. And you know, the practice of mindfulness is a great tool for not just when you're stressed, frankly, but just for good mental health practice. So what is mindfulness? mindfulness is being in the moment it's not, you know, some there are some, like, you know, in Buddhism, it's

00:38:26--> 00:38:38

different. We don't practice mindfulness in that way. But in you know, in Islam, or just in general, like basic mindfulness is being in the moment so when I'm drinking my water, I'm tasting my water. I'm not just

00:38:40--> 00:39:23

and this moving on, you know, I'm drinking it's upon a lot like I'm thirsty, Allah quench my thirst. I it's wet in my mouth, you know, I swallowed it. When I'm eating. It's not you know, because a lot of us we might stress eat, right, we just eat to know wow, you know, this cookie is taste amazing. It's so it's so good. Even a tangerine, the act of if you ever want to be like, want to practice mindfulness, get a tangerine, you peel it, you smell it, you taste it. So the practice of mindfulness is being in the moment, and not worrying too much about the future. Now there is the time to plan and all that I'm not saying that, but day to day, you know, I'm with my children. I'm

00:39:23--> 00:40:00

not thinking about the 10 million things I have to do. Oh, well, my you know, My son is so cute. His hair smells like baby shampoo. You know, I love it. When I cuddle with him. Having delight, it's raining outside, it's dry in here. So it's paying attention, like using all of your senses, to pay attention in the moment. And you'll find it very grounding. It's very grounding, because you're kind of like what is life, right? If you're always living life in the future, then that's all you're going to have. But being appreciative of the things that Allah is giving you at any given time. It can it can

00:40:00--> 00:40:06

It could be an amazing feeling. So using all of your senses, your eyes, your touch your nose, all of that.

00:40:08--> 00:40:54

Reminds me, it reminds me a lot. pantalla said it's a solo tool and I'm the chapter of the cattles twice, and he talks about the vegetations that comes out from the after he said the rain and he says omo Murray he is tomorrow. Tomorrow when I look at the fruits when it becomes full and becomes tasty and I always say to the ladies like you know when you're cooking, and you know sometimes we don't like it and it's well exactly over one. Just take you in remember this verse on boru meaning look, you live in the moment, the moment of the creation of Allah these are all different exactly Subhan Allah we don't think of these things it's it's really is helpful I fully agree with you haven't.

00:40:56--> 00:41:31

I mean if you want to take it a step further, their gifts, their gifts, how many people do not experience that some of the luxuries that we have here you know so Pamela, especially in the war torn countries in the very impoverished countries you know, when you think about that kind of law it's that is a big reframe, you know, you're stressing and it's not to say no, don't you know, you have no right to be stressed, no, but it's, it's passion that gratefulness like really like a lot their gifts like we cannot count all the gifts you know, Allah tells us we can't we cannot count all the gifts that we will have a lot a lot of sohar if you count them, you will never be able to

00:41:31--> 00:41:32

surpass them

00:41:33--> 00:41:34


00:41:36--> 00:42:09

So mindfulness is a very, is a very good one. Another one that I you know, I personally like and that helps me is its perspective and we talked about perspective earlier, you know, thinking about the importance of the alcohol and how you know, this is very little compared to what's going to come but two strategies for me and then I recommend them to other you know, women even working women as well. Is that the stress that you have right now what is causing you so much anks and bothering you so much is it gonna matter in five years?

00:42:10--> 00:42:29

If not, try not to spend more than five minutes thinking about it. You know, sometimes we get so caught up with Oh, I can't believe my kid behaved in this way. I can't believe this person said to me, I can't believe x y&z but in five years, is it going to matter? Most of the time? The answer is no. Nobody cares, you're not gonna care, then

00:42:31--> 00:42:35

you won't even remember, you don't even remember it, you might not even remember it.

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And that's, and that's a good tool to keep, you know, things in perspective, when you're, you know, trying to get to school to pick up your kids on time, and you have all these errands and all this pressure, is it going to matter? No, it's not. So keeping that in mind that perspective tool is is very good. And another thing that I personally also like to do is like a zoom out activity, you know, sometimes

00:43:02--> 00:43:27

our problems just think feel so big, you know, that they're insurmountable, they're just huge. And, you know, this was taught in one of the the trauma, trauma trainings that I had certifications that I had done many, many years ago. But you know, it, you you imagine yourself in your room, like you just in the rooms that were no, and you know, how big our problems feel. And then you use zoom out.

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And then you like, so in, I'm in this room, but I zoom out to my house.

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And then I zoom out maybe to my property. And then I zoom out maybe to the street,

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and then the neighborhood, and then maybe the county, and then the state, and then you keep going, you know, you go to the continent, you go to the world, you go to outer space to the solar system. And then you look back and you're like, chronolock how small things are, how small my problems can be sometimes, you know, it might not work for but that that works. For me. It makes me feel like, you know, things that are so big, sometimes are actually very strong. There's a video of that. Have you seen it? Yes. I don't need to say more. But I love it. I love it. The one where you know, exactly. The person is on the beach, I think

00:44:23--> 00:44:59

now on the yard of his or her house, I don't remember he or she and exactly zooming, zooming, zooming zooming. You don't even see that the person anymore is another place. And I do find it so insignificant. I think a practical way is when you are in the plane. Yeah. And if you if you are in the in the window seat, and you look down, right? And sometimes you see this I was like okay, this house, Allah knows who's living there. And then that person thinks all the world is about him or her and look when you're up who can even see that. Yeah, so it says zoom out. I like that word. Exactly.

00:45:00--> 00:45:00


00:45:01--> 00:45:49

Zoo mouth yeah no the tool I was it's more of like a science like I think it's like scientific and it goes to the solar system I don't know if you experienced the same thing but once you go from like the world to outer space something happens your heart exactly that like that that tacos or whatever you realize the gravity of how small things are and how powerful Allah is. Exactly if a picture of the galaxy that's always does it to me just go and look at a picture of galaxy you know how beautiful it is. Chapin en la, and then you say Subhan Allah what is the you know, I'm lucky enough to even have a 1% of all this but picture of the galaxy picture of the sky Subhan Allah subhanaw

00:45:49--> 00:45:54

taala You're so right. It's so right. Go ahead. I think we have two more minutes. Yeah.

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So And with that, I will add you know, it's not like we're not trying to minimize people's feelings or anything like that. But you know, even if you feel like you're trapped, and in the midst of all this stuff, and it feels heavy for you even looking to the power of a law, you know, like when we're talking about scope, like you just said, that even if your problems do feel big, look how, look at the strength and the power of Allah. If you can hone in on that relationship and harness that power of dot, what more do you want, then, you know, in terms of feeling and not to go back on the spiritual parts, but going back to the, you know, the importance of that and asking a lot of theory

00:46:35--> 00:46:38

to help you to give you ease all of those things.

00:46:40--> 00:46:43

You know, and they go and I always say,

00:46:44--> 00:47:28

one of the prophets specifically mentioned in the Quran, they went through difficulties and made dwis actually say no Moosa and it's a sort of course where it is the majority of sort of courses about say, demos, is when he killed the man, and it's a major mistake. Right? immediately. I love this one. He says Robbie in me in the vollum tuneups, Nevsky thoughtfully immediately acknowledges he didn't live on it forever. He enabled them to NFC I have wronged myself, y'all Allah forgive me. And then the positive thinking in the control of all right, if you look at that verse, you are all forgiving. And then the next thing he was a little bit anxious for us baja even he woke up in the

00:47:28--> 00:48:02

morning he's worried right? And then Allah gave him the way out because he had the good thinking of Allah He said leave and he sent somebody to him to to leave the the town and when he left the town, everything opened up. So anxiety fear is actually it is way repeated in the Quran. And we just have to look at it and look deep in it so pound Allah Subhana Allah and somebody said, is the knowledge of and the knowledge of NLP covered in Islam so that you combine NLP and Islam?

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I don't know as much much as much about neuro linguistic programming, because I think that's outside of there. But I don't know that would be an interesting thing to look for.

00:48:14--> 00:48:57

When I do research and I look at I'm like, Oh my goodness, you know, look at that. If I'll have to I'll have to check that out. Because I'm gonna bring bring that up. Yeah, I'm reading the comments and 100 we have a very good a lot of positive comments from sisters because literally what you shared May Allah reward you. It's a daily issue and maybe woman more. I don't know if it's really more or we express it more as a woman we express our feelings easier, but it's definitely and it's seasonal. And definitely This is one of the seasons and then the exam times another season, you know, around the monthly time around the period menstrual period. That's very real. I always tell my

00:48:57--> 00:49:10

patients it's real it's hormonal changes pregnancy after delivery. All these minor things become so major. You know that very well. I'm sure you see it. Exactly.

00:49:11--> 00:49:48

And I will say tying back to something early because I know we have to go tying it back to something you said earlier. You're treating it like physical you know, if you get a cold, you're like oh, I have a cold I need to keep an eye out. Oh, I have the flu. I have to go to the doctor. Or you know even like oh, I I feel like I'm having a heart attack. I'm going to go to the emergency room. We have to treat our mental health the same way. So it's not so good. Keep an eye on it. If you like the blue, like if it's moderate you you need help, get help. Get help. And it's severe. Yeah, you can't function you feel like you're gonna hurt yourself. Go to the ER, you know, they're both

00:49:48--> 00:49:59

important. Don't wait until things get very bad. Get the appropriate level of health just the way you would do with your body. Do the same thing with your mind. Literally May Allah reward you. Don't worry

00:50:00--> 00:50:44

It's real I always tell people it is real It's exactly like you're feeling headache like exactly have a bone pain like you're in labor you feel the labor pain I always bring Of course from my specialty. But it is it is real. take it seriously don't over react but it is there and this and I would love for you to address this because you're more you know this better is the family around the people around that they need to address that to take it seriously don't brush it. What do you recommend? What do you say for that? Yeah, I know I think family members need to be very supportive. I think it hurts so much when people finally go to therapy and their family members are like oh why

00:50:44--> 00:51:17

Why are you still going What do you need to go for you don't you're not fixed yet? No, you know we need a family My family is very important and we need to support if something doesn't make sense to you it doesn't make sense to you but it doesn't mean that you go make someone else feel bad about it. If you don't know why someone is so stressed you don't say oh you shouldn't be this you shouldn't be that how can I support you? How can I help you would you like me to drive you there? I am here and fell over I can support you and showing that then people be like Oh okay, they're going to feel better because they're going to get the help but then they also feel better because I have

00:51:17--> 00:51:46

support people care about me you know they value they value my mental health. Yanni Don't belittle what others feel simply because I don't react the same way people are different. Allah created does differently. Something doesn't bother me and other person will will see it mountains so I will just make them feel better but don't say what is the big deal? Yeah, you'll be fine. This is all in your head all these words. Right? Do you hear it you see a lot yeah.

00:51:49--> 00:51:56

The word you Subhan Allah but it is 753 and she needs to catch her mother.

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Because she is one hour ahead of me jack locket again enjoy this literally flew and inshallah we will have more of that because I think this is becoming very important parts in our life. Unfortunately, the more the life is getting modernized, for some reason we are getting overwhelmed more and we're feeling way more stressed out specifically woman and specifically youth also, you'll see desert color here. May Allah reward you is always deserved. And everybody for you being with us for all your comments. May Allah Subhana Allah accept from us May Allah pantalla teachers and make us practice on what we learned subhanak llamo behind the eyeshadow and like the hula and stuff

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Furukawa to booty solo Allah say Nam 100 while he