Channel: Edris Khamissa
Improving Human Relationships
© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.
I greet you with the greetings of peace. I'm your host party my alley. In the first series brother Idris camisa antidote Lacan dealt with moving from where you are to where you want to be. Due to the tremendous popularity of that first series and the overwhelming requests for a series on human relations. We offer you this inspiring presentation on the path to positive relationships with yourself and with others. In this series, our presenters Idris camisa, Asadullah Khan, will be focusing on the path to positive relationships. The topics to be discussed are one, getting in touch with a real you to emotional wisdom, three, improving human relations for the friends you choose.
Idris camisa is an international consultant in education, and Human Development. He began his career as a teacher of English. His passion and expertise for the subject culminated in his nomination as the chairman of the English Society of South Africa. He embraced the Muslim school movement in 1987, and since then, has been a head teacher of three schools. He has conducted numerous workshops in Australia, United States, Canada, England, Middle East, Nigeria, Lusaka and throughout South Africa. He was one of the founding members of EME South Africa. He is an advisory member of ibor International Board of educational research and resources. He is the co author of the ibor manual
for Muslim schools. His expertise is installed development and curriculum design. His creativity made him a dynamic lecturer in didactics, and methodology at epsa International Peace University of South Africa. He also conducts in service training for business corporations. As a parenting expert as a marriage counselor. he conducts workshops on these topics. Youth Leadership is another area of his focus. He is a regular guest on National and Community Radio stations. Shift study Lacan has studied law in South Africa, journalism through Britain and religious studies in Egypt. He co presented a weekly wise living television program in the USA, from the streets of LA to the heart of
the world. He has presented papers at numerous international conferences in Malaysia, Belgium, Nigeria, Egypt, USA, Iran, Botswana, Canada, Sierra Leone, Sri Lanka, Kuwait, Mexico and Turkey. He is the author of dimensions of the Quran, and co translator of classical text, a pistol for the seekers of guidance. saddler Khan has served as lecturer for the Academy of Judeo Christian and Islamic Studies at UCLA. Currently, he serves as director of empower development international as a motivational speaker, addressing issues of personal empowerment, youth development, leadership training, art of communication, and fostering interfaith interfaith understanding and cooperation.
We greet you with the greetings of peace. I'm your host Fatima Ali. And in this series, our presenters Idris Cammisa and Sadie Lacan focus on the path to positive relationships. The theme to be discussed in this session is improving human relations, brother Idris, in our attempt at improving human relations, what does human relationships as a subject entail? I think, many people have the erroneous notion, they can go through life without interacting other people, they can isolate themselves, but those that find true success are people who are able to interact with fellow humanity. And that's part of our responsibility is part of what we do. And I would also before I
really define that thing, it's critical for people to understand the importance of human relation because the person listening to the CD might say, you know what, I don't have any friends, I don't interact with anyone, I'm happy. You think you are happy when you interact with others get to know them, because they are those individuals can help you understand who you really are. So human relationships really entails the following. It could be based on marriage.
It could be through affiliation, maybe you are part of the same club, but same society, the same team as it were. kinship is through family relationships, all kinds of
relationships through affinity, maybe you are inclined towards a certain hobby, whatever, or even some ideals. And this is part of who we are. And you speak to anyone, no one can really say that I have no association, you all have association of sorts. But how we deal with associations are very, very critical. And I'm hoping that those individual listening to the CD would really do a bit of self reflection, and see how best having listened to it and able to enhance those relationships make it far more meaningful than what it is at the moment, latching on to the different roles that we play with in society and the different associations that we have just a doula would it be correct to
say that knowing how to deal with people is the foundation for effective human relations. Indeed, Fatima. I mean, human relations, as explained in define is about being connected or associated with others or to others, whether by blood or by marriage, or by affiliation, whether by kinship, or affinity, or even by ideals.
It's a particular type of connection, existing between human beings, and relating to how we deal with each other, at times are of choice like friendship, at times, without option, for example, family. I mean, you don't choose to be born into a particular family. So you're born into that family, such as your parents or your parents, and by your choice and your children or your children, not by your choice, friends, or by choice, and the choice of friends, is so important. And perhaps in the next CD or next session, we may deal with the notion of choosing friends. But it's very correct what you're saying Fatima, knowing how to deal with people, effectively, is the foundation
for ideal human relations. Because the way we relate to people significantly affects how we live as social beings, that we are born in live independently in a way we are interdependent beings. And this greatly determines the quality of our communal life that we experience.
You find in various cultures and
ideologies and philosophies. You find the notion of social relations being an essential component of even the fate, ideology or even of the culture.
And this clearly indicates the significance of human relations to human existence. You know, why is once I've said that among the most important ingredients in the formula for a successful and fulfilling life, is knowing how to get along with people. In fact, the renowned scientists, Albert Einstein said and I quote, strange is our situation here on Earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why yet sometimes seeming to do a divine purpose. From the standpoint of daily life. However, there's one thing we do know that man is here for the sake of other men, and you find this reflected in various cultures. In fact, one of the great poets of the East, Altaf Hussain Holly
said, this is worship. This is religion. This is faith that human beings be of benefit to humanity and to the rest of creation. So indeed, human relations into human relations that even human beings in the relationship with the rest of creation is fundamental for human existence as a social being. Interestingly enough, behavioral scientists, Dr. Halliwell, Jamison stated, and I quote, relationships of all kinds are like sand held in your hand, held loosely with an open hand, the sand remains where it is, the minute you close your hand and squeezed tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers, you might hold on to some of it, but most will be spoiled. The
relationship is like that held loosely with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact, but hold too tightly to possessively. And the relationship slips away and is lost. Rather, it is. Could you kind of comment on this, I think these are very, very profound words are like the analogy, the metaphor of the sand. And if I were to explain it, the whole idea if you hold something loosely, and it's so important to do that, because you're not smothering it, you're allowing the, the second or the other person to grow. You're allowing it individuality, and its freedom. And the idea of if you hold something very, very tightly, it's about smothering someone,
it's suffocating. In other words, you're imposing yourself it is a domineering and a relationship and it's such relationship, what happens it is one sided, you are what I call a control freak, the other person becomes a victim of the relationship. He does not grow because of his interaction with you, because he does not learn anything from you except how to control other human beings is very, very important for us to understand that many people often
complain about and you find that many people who contemplate suicide more often than not, it's about human relationships is about sadness. I've yet to come across a person who says, well, because of the tsunami, I killed myself in other parts of the world, yes, if he lost his family members, perhaps he contemplates it or not condoning it. The same token we look at a person despondent, is often about his child, about his friend is about his wife, that's a reality. So the ability to manage so the critical word is how you manage relationships. In other words, it's not the same brush. For this, every person, you got to deal with every person depending on those needs. And
similarly, this metaphor is such a brilliant metaphor, the whole idea in our relationships with each other, we help each other to grow, we do not smother them, we allow them their identity with not stifle them, but not stifle the creativity, neither we stunt the imagination. In fact, such relationships that are positive are those in which both people grow because we should be mutually enriching, it mustn't be one, where there is a kind of self enrichment that means that sincerity is not there is not an innocent relationship is not based on the idea of support for each other, and, and what is important, and what is critical in life. And we need to reflect and ask yourself, why
are you his friend? Why? Who is the beneficiary of the relationship? Look at your marital relationship? What kind of relationship is this? Are you smothering your wife? Is she allowed to grow? How are you defining her? Look at your children? Are they growing? Are you trying to control them? Are they being smothered? And it's very important, the only way you understand that sometimes we do these things. unwittingly, it's very critical for us to get feedback. Now in a situation where a person is holding the center tightly and smothering that individual, that other individuals, a victim of the relationship would be too intimidated to express his feelings, and express also,
perhaps, his disdain. And so what is happening. So therefore, I encourage each one of you look at critically all your relationships, go to your wife or your husband and say, listen, we marry for us for such a period of time. Do I allow you to grow? Do I hold you too tightly, and you'll be surprised at what they're going to say. It's not so much how you ought to perceive yourself. It's also important how others perceive you. So it's NSX Sadler mentioned quite rightly, when he spoke about this, this is really the foundation for not only effective human relationships, it's a foundation for happiness, a foundation for growth is a foundation for tranquility, and your home.
Instead of being a place of contestation, it can be a site of it can be like a sanctuary for you. To truly engage the subject of improving human relations, I suggest that we focus on seven essentials for improving human relations that you have provided me. Sure, let's start with you. Number one, be genuine and sincere. That's the fundamental basis of any action.
genuineness is who you are, who you really are the core of your very being and why you do what you do. And sincerely is your moral compass. that determines the reason why you do what you do. That's why in some traditions, you have the notion that actions are by intentions, the actions themselves are not as valuable, as the intention that precedes them, that motivates them. So in that regard, to be authentic as better it is always as be authentic, be genuine, you don't try to relate to others by trying to impress them through acting like you think they want you to be. Because then you are not going to be who you are. be genuine from the start. And each person will have a chance to see
you who you are, if they can be comfortable with with your perspective or you with their perspective, and with your lifestyle and they will see your lifestyle.
You see wise ones have said, If you truly know who you are, and you know what you value, and you stand firmly for what you believe, and have the courage to act on what you believe. You cannot help but be sincere. Sincerity is fundamental. It's the essence of anything is a true measure of any act or any thought sincerely simplifies one's life. It improves integrity enhances one's ability to deal effectively with themselves and with others, and make it easier for others to deal with them. So be yourself. Be genuine, be sincere, be real. Be who you are, by the way, by saying be who you are. It doesn't mean if you're obnoxious, you must remain obnoxious. Be the best you that you can be, by the
way, so be real, be who you are. It's surprising you know how many people go through life
Without ever recognizing that their feelings, feelings towards other people, their emotions, their feelings are largely determined by their feelings towards themselves. You see, if not comfortable with your own self, you will never be comfortable with others. And that is why we don't often see things as they are. We see things as we are, is a very famous incident of a person who went to a small town. He was moving from one town to another. So he saw an elderly person sitting on the veranda of the house, old farm from town. And he asked the old man, Sir, how are the people here? So he asked him, from where you had come, how were the people, they are so obnoxious, backbiting
negative, he said, Well, the people are here. The same. A little while later another table looking by passing by meeting, the old man asked him a question. He said, How are the people here? And his opportunities for growth? And for jobs? Yeah, believe how other people here. So we asked him, How would the people where you were, is also a very nice is because of a lack of job that I'm coming here, I would never have left it. It was loving and kind said, well, the people are here to very often is not how the people are. Maybe it is the way you are because very often, we see things not as they are, but as we are. And one of the prayers of Prophet Muhammad was, Oh Allah, grant me the
capacity to see things as they really are along a Shia komai. Allah grant me the capacity show me things as they really
so genuineness and sincerity is fundamental.
Yes, you know, I'm the law, the critical aspect regarding genuine instance, to be genuine, sincere, is the fact that many people have their own insecurities, what happens they try to appease other people. And so the other person is interacting, not with your, as you said early on with your actual self, but the perceived self. And when you are genuine and sincere, they interacting with the real you. And in that way, their responses are also authentic. And what Sadler said and I want to just reinforce that particular point. It starts off from self love, not NACA, cystic love, not by looking at the mirror, say my gosh, how's it I'm looking so beautiful today? I'm so handsome, but you are
but you are that I know. So, but what is important is this, to look love yourself for who you are. And when you love yourself, then you'll not be suspicious of another person. And if you're not love yourself, in any person is complimented towards you say, but what are they saying this, they maybe have another agenda. And the idea about genuineness being authentic and sincere, is critical. And we want each one of you again, to reflect on your own relationships and ask yourself, what is the motivation? Why do I interact with that person? Why do I meet that person? What is it that I say? Do I say from my heart? Or do I am I saying it to appease the other person? shift number two is be
ethical and consistent. Yeah, consistency is really important. You know, if you can be the best you can be as often as you can be, wherever you are, then that's yours, integrity, being yourself at your best at times, we are at our best. There are times when it's so good. There are times that we are at our worst, great people, truly great people, people who have been models of excellence throughout history with a Moses or Jesus or Buddha or Confucius, people like this, were ethically consistent. In other words, their behavior was such that, despite the circumstances, or the changing challenges, they faced, the ethics and moral values did not did not submit to the situation. In a
situation where dishonesty was prevalent, they did not go with the flow, because they realized only no live fish flow upstream. Only the dead go with the flow they were living. And that's why the examples are still alive. So ethical behavior is a matter of being consistent by extending to all persons the same respect and consideration that we claim and expect from others for ourselves. She ethics requires that there be consistency between how we treat ourselves and how we treat others fairly often people demand justice, nothing wrong with that, but very few adjust themselves. Very often we demand that people be honest and true to us. But very rarely are we sold what other people.
So everyone as Emanuel Ken said, The philosopher, everyone is obligated to act only in ways that respect the human dignity and the moral rights of all persons. Consistency is the absence of contradictions. If you are consistent, then you are different with different people. It doesn't mean your mood doesn't swing, it doesn't mean that different circumstances won't solicited a different response. That's true. But nonetheless, there must be an absence of contradiction. You know, you can't be timely with your prayer, for example, an untimely warping of your staff. You can't be the forefront of demanding justice and then refusing
To pay the labor and the wage work for you. So justice is consistent. When you adjust person, you fight for justice, and adjust. You can't be adjust person just because you protest for justice. So we need to understand this. So consistency is the absence of contradictions, and is the hallmark of ethics. And ethics requires consistency requires that there can't be ethics without consistency. In a sense, it's a moral standard of our actions and our values. And it should never be contradictory. And, you know, integrity is fundamental to every good human being. And integrity is about being honest, about being honorable. And being yourself at your best, as often as possible, wherever you
can, in any situation.
You know, I'm reminded whilst Sheikh satola gave a such a beautiful response,
I was thinking of something I heard many years ago, when one priests spoke about a character's sculptured stone. And he said, no matter what the weather,
the poise of that individual never change. And he spoke about consistency, he spoke about integrity. And in life, if we lack these things, really, we are hypocritical, we are to face individuals. And that is so important. And that requires tremendous resilience and tenacity. at a time, it might mean even the loss of your job, it might mean even the loss of something dear to you. But you remain true to who you are. It's about being strongly principle, it's about having a set of values. In other words, you'd not have a particular persona here, a different persona on the outside a persona, the term persona outside a persona as a boss, but a different persona when you're working for someone
else. And these are very critical aspects. And there is a huge demand and said, if you look around us, they are very, very few people, leaders in society, even political leaders have this critical and the most critical qualities of being ethical, and consistence. If we have that, I like to believe in life, you will able to say with every individual, there is transparency, with what you see is what you get. And once you can do that, this can affirm each other, you can support each other. And we will have a society, a world in which honesty prevails. I think just to add to the point that brother is mentioned, in regard to the idea of consistency and sincerity. You see, a one
person is a single person under any circumstance. But your relationship is different with everyone and a friend to someone, a neighbor to someone else, a father to someone, a son to someone, a husband to someone else. So though you play different roles, my principles don't change. Some people who are different people, they're different. They're very friendly to their friends at work, but abusive to the spouse at home. So what are they? Are they abusive? Are they friendly. So there's a schizophrenic development is the point is one person can be 1000 different things 2000 different people, but his ethical, his or her ethical and moral values and principles still remains who you
really are, remember, not your job, not your name, and your surname, not your gender, who you really are. In other words, under any circumstance, the principles and values will remain the same. We are discussing the seven essentials for improving human relations. Thus far we have covered, one be genuine and sincere, to be ethical and consistent share, let's focus on three, be kind and empathic. The most important element I believe is love and compassion. If you can't be loving and compassionate, you're not truly human. In fact, even animals have a degree of compassion and love, love and mercy are the most beautiful adornments anyone can have. If you are devoid of love and
mercy, you are devoid of the fundamental of being human. So I think kindness is one generosity of spirit, being loving, being caring, at the same time, the notion of empathic. Now sometimes you find an example I can give is of the tsunami, but it is mentioned early on about the tsunami, that tsunami occurred in Indonesia. So, of course, many other parts of the world were affected. And I remember that time, some people responded, some people were
sympathetic, or it happens, something happened over there. Let's send some food. Let's help them as being sympathetic. empathic, actually, is better than that, actually, not only are you helping, but actually feeling the way they feel. In other words, you internalize the feeling to the extent that you are informed about it. Of course you are not them. If someone has lost a son or a daughter, you haven't lost a son or a daughter, but you actually feel you're not just giving them something to help them and helping the cause only, but actually feeling somewhat the way they feel. putting yourself in their shoes. That's the best feeling to have
The best way to reflect your kindness The best way to understand people, then you get people who are just pathetic. So be sympathetic, be empathic. Never be pathetic. Pathetic. For example, some people say, maybe it's God's punishment on them, Indonesia, as many brothels, so God is punishing them. Instead of finding a crucible of meaning, in that situation, what can I do? Maybe the test to me from God, what are you going to do in the situation, rather than passing judgment on why that natural phenomena struck over there, so sometimes become judgmental. And this is the worst in people who are too judgmental.
They tend to be self righteous, and very often less empathic. Very often they are pathetic. So please, the idea of kindness and empathy is fundamental to improving human relations. In fact, the foundation for building a good human relationship.
In fact, what I want to add is the fact that when someone is kind and emphatic, what really happens is is that such an individual leaves a true legacy. When you hear people say, he was a good man, what are they really saying? This, he understood us, he was kind, he was compassionate us, Gary, is about those things that enhances your status in society, it enhances relationships. And that is so important. One of the reasons I think that many people lack that kindness, they are so self absorbed, they're so concerned about their own agenda that they miss, everyday, golden opportunities, even being kind to the street sweeper, being kind to the neighbor is smile, a
greeting, these are very important issues. And whenever anyone comes for help, and suddenly mentioned, you know, quite beautifully the ref reference to a tsunami, you can sit back there and say, while we what happened to them, and we will get to a move, something very clinical received, so many million people were affected. These are facts and figures. But if you not move by it, if you try not try to put yourself in the shoes of the other person, you will never understand them. I think it's important to look at the situation in his context. And nothing gives a person more joy. And one of the things that are often mentioned, I'll mention it again, that every human beings loves
the five A's acceptance, acknowledgement, affirmation, appreciation, and affection.
This is what is part of life. And you give that to any individual, what are you really doing? Not really massaging the ego, you're giving the meaning, you are telling them you are important, you are enhancing the self esteem, you are telling them you know what, I love you, I care for you, what is it in your heart, I'm here for you, and nothing can give you joy to know, you know, and thank God Almighty Oh, my gosh, thank you so much for the friends because a true friend, as you discuss, inshallah, God willing is a gift to all of us. And was also beautiful is if you share positive joys with people, and you compliment somebody and a smile to them. That smile that comes back also makes
you feel even that you want to give more to the community. So that is what's so fascinating about the seven essentials for improving human relations. for improved communication. Effective communication is a is a fundamental is an essential skill. In any good relationship. Many people talk, but they don't communicate. Communication is saying what you mean. And the other person understanding what you have said, very often we we talk to each other, but we don't really communicate. Hence you find when people divorce, and you ask them the problems they have, you will find very often the one never paid attention or never understood what the other has said, and you
and you find it strange, there was so long together. They didn't really communicate, saying what you truly mean. And the other person knowing what you meant, when you said what you said. So effective communication is an essential skill in any good relationship. Be clear about what you say, and do not say what is unnecessary. The Art of sharing your private thoughts and feelings with people you trust needs also to be moderated. Many people reveal too much too soon, to unnecessarily so revealing too much too soon, can cause you to feel overly vulnerable. Sometimes you share something with someone and they don't share something with you, or you tell them a secret. And they don't tell
you a secret back now you're realizing maybe I should have said that and do remember, Mr. McAfee said if you reveal your secret to someone, and that person reveals a secret to someone else. Don't be upset. Your chest was too narrow to contain your secret. Don't expect the other person's chest to be narrow to constrain your secret number two, your friend you have a best friend whom you told your secret to and your friend has a best friend whom he or she told a secret to so reveal
Too much too soon can cause you to feel overly vulnerable, and the listener to feel uncomfortable and sometimes even obligated to respond,
share only what is necessary and only to the extent what is necessary. Also check your assumptions, for misunderstandings can arise from acting on what you presuppose. That's why the Sufi saint do not speak until your thoughts have passed through for gates. Are these words true? Are they kind? Are they necessary? Are they beneficial? If any of the answer is no, do not say it. Think about that. What I want to add is that part of communication is also the ability to listen,
to listen, not only to yourself, but to the other. Also, try to understand the nuances of words, to understand the emotion behind the words. Not all people are excellent in communicating. Some people have difficulty, the choice of words or the diction is that appropriate, when a person comes to you and speaks to you also look at shakes out the body language, because the body language is 70 to 80%, of what is communicated. Now, these are important aspects. And you find in all relationships where there's a conflict is often based on a lack of communication, or it's one sided, or there isn't any kind of understanding what is being said that you are so concerned about telling them exactly what
you want to get done. You never listen with your heart to what they need. And if communication is mutually beneficial, is not only about sharing information, it's also communicating your love and expressing it. In fact, in many human relations, you find the those who for some reason, the other are reluctant to tell the other person, your wife, darling, I love you. These are beautiful words, and the wife has to assume that the husband loves her. But he's never said that. And part of it is to demonstrate it through communication through action, and of course, body language. Which brings us to number five, resolving conflict, resolving conflict, or misunderstandings must be through
negotiation. And his brother just mentioned now, understanding, there's no understanding, you have nothing. Start the problem solving by listening to the other really listening to the words, and the meanings. And the feelings. Sometimes people may say something, you know, you can say a word. It can have different meanings, depending on the context. If you ask me.
Are you going to town? Is that what it can be? I'm asking a question. Or if I'm going to town again, you say I go into town? What is still What? But the tone will indicate a sarcasm in this case. Are you crazy? The first one is a question I didn't understand. So the word what is the same word, but the tone, expression, body language is different. So be very careful, that start the problem solving by listening, listening carefully, not only to the words, but also to the meanings behind the words and respecting the other person's point of view. They may differ with you. But that's where we need to understand because conflict implies a different perspective, a clash of ideas, a clash of
perspectives in the issue. So, you need to understand the other not necessarily agree with them, but be empathetic. And to understand why they are saying what they are saying. You may never agree with what they are saying but understand why they are saying so. So that that person realize that you understand why they're saying and they understand where you are as well. resolving conflicts are much easier when all sides participate, or both sides participate in the solution, instead of one side dominating the decision making process. Sometimes people resolve the conflict by giving their view my way or the highway. So you see Dale Carnegie the motivational speaker one said, when dealing
with people, remember, you are not dealing with creatures of logic, you are dealing with creatures of emotion. So this is very, very important. And I always believe in order to maintain good relationship. They must be what we call, people respecting each other, not insulting or humiliating each other people being supportive and conciliatory, rather than confrontational. People communicating honestly and openly, not lying and deceiving. People who are willing to listen to more than their own side of the story, not stubborn or being closed minded people working as a team, not as adversaries or enemies, people negotiating rather than imposing sharing responsibility, rather
than demanding or burdening and complementing and appreciating each other rather than criticizing and blaming. So, resolving conflict begins with understanding the situation, listening carefully, and keeping your emotions in check.
The one point that I want to add is when you want to resolve a conflict, it's not about scoring points.
This is important. Once you concern about scoring points, you massage your ego, then it will be no resolution. There are times, for example, when you got to almost reinvent yourself, because people have images of each other, the wife might say, okay, we're going to sit in discusses currently, but I know she'll tell the husband know how you react. And that's not appropriate to make that comment. Because the husband might have for the first time in his life, say, Listen, I want to resolve something, give me an opportunity, they must be openness, you got to be clear in terms of what are the issues that are creating the conflict. The third thing is you need to have some parameters say,
listen, once we want to resolve this conflict of Yeah, these are some parameters. There'll be no name calling, no insulting as you said, No humiliation, be concerned about this. And we need to say this is these are the points we need to discuss. And then the whole idea of compromise. And in life, you know what life would be very boring. If two people agree on everything. If my wife agrees, everything I say that I said, darling said why don't you speak to me anymore? I said, because you agree with everything I say, so I know what you're gonna say. So what is important is divergence of thinking is so important. divergence is not about someone impinging on your thoughts, someone
negating you, someone insulting you, is healthy, because through divergence, you can also enrich your own opinions about life is about sharing things. And this is the whole point, we must be optimistic. Some people at the first sign of conflict, they raise up their hands, they said this relationship was break off, I need to, I mustn't work anymore in this place, that person is an idiot, right? He makes those value judgments. But sometimes it could be through misinformation, and lack of understanding. And the most important thing I like to believe is your sincerity of purpose, when you try to resolve conflict, and I like to believe all conflicts can be resolved, it depends
largely on the maturity understanding of individuals, and also about human dynamics. We are discussing the seven essentials for improving human relations, and thus far we have explored one, be genuine and sincere, to be ethical and consistent. Three, be kind and empathic. for improved communication, five resolve conflict, she leads to get six, appreciate and reciprocate fundamental, this is the whole idea about relationships is not a one way street, it's a dual thing is both sides, give equal importance to the feelings, the interest, and the needs of each person in your relationship. Don't forget, as I mentioned early on, you're one person, but you are 1000 different
persons, or 1000 different things to 1000 different people, a father to one is sent to the other, and so on and so forth.
And imagine Shafi, one of the good scholars said, the most hurtful of metals is that you love someone who has been romantic by the way that you love someone and the one who you love, love someone else, or that you wish well for others, and those whom you wish well for dinner wish well for you is the most hurtful thing. He says, develop the skill of both giving and receiving emotional and moral support. Some people come into our lives, and go away quickly. Some come and stay for a while and leave imprints on our hearts. And we are never ever the same. be one of those that makes a difference. You know, Charles Dickens said, and I quote the writer, he said, have a heart that never
hardens, a temper, that never tires, and a touch, that never hurts. The idea of reciprocation, is the idea of mutual affection, of mutual caring. And even if someone else is not as caring to you, don't you pick them the standard between yourself and them, you become the standard, you'll be the moral guide, instead of saying, I'll only be as good to them as they are to me, rather uplift them from where they are to realize that they be as good to you as you are to them is also free saying, oh god, my people treat me tomorrow, the way I have treated them today.
In life, when it comes to human relations, what is it that leave a legacy, something at the heart of the other when he meets his friend, and his friend is so appreciative of him and tells him you know, I value you as my friend.
I value your opinion. There's something that aids me. What advice can you give me? And he advises you, and you tell him sincerely, thank you so much. You look him into the eye. Thank you, thank you may God bless you. That moment would be something that he'll never forget.
Even though he may not meet you again. He is of your passing away. But he recalled that incident vividly and reciprocation is so
Critical he can, as Sadler said, and I want to reinforce it. It cannot be one sided. if you for example, enjoyed someone's hospitality, and no matter, you may come from a very humble domiciled and humble home, for your home. And I tell people that even a pauper can have a heart.
A huge heart, that he can accommodate everyone, but the king, if he has a small heart, you want to place for anyone. It's about those aspects. It's about understanding that in life, we will meet people, some people, as subtle as that will forget about you. But with sincerity and purpose, once you show appreciation, you reciprocate the kindness, even through gifts, whatever you can afford, that is such a beautiful thing. And in life, many people complicate lives unnecessarily. There's few fundamentals we need to understand. And the appreciation reciprocation, I like to believe is one of those fundamentals. Or one more point, you don't have to reciprocate negativity. In other words,
people have this notion, an iPhone I in everything that applies to punishment. So be very careful. Some people say if he cheats me, I'll teach him that make two cheats. Be very, very careful, become the standard. The single Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him. He says, Do not be silly, by saying that if people do good to me, in fact, the lady came to him and said, my family have treated me very negatively, because I've embraced the faith. What shall I do? They treat me badly when I go there, shall I treat them back? The way they treat me this way they responded This is don't be silly by saying, I'll treat them the way they treat me. If they are good to me, I'll be good to them. And if
they're bad to me, I'll be back to them. Rather condition yourself. If they are good to me, I'll be good to them. And if they are not good to me, I'll slowly get to them. And it thought struck me again, thank you so much. Sadler, Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him said three things. Join relationship, those that broke up relationships with you. do good to those who have harmed you. And forgive those who have hurt you how beautiful it is, Chef. And this brings us to the seventh essential for improving human relations, accept others as they are, this is very important. Now make it very clear. It doesn't mean if someone is really bad, or doing wrong things, you leave them to do
the wrong. Your responsibility is to assist and to guide to the best of your ability, at the same time to try to mind your own business, it is not your business. But if you can enhance someone's life in any way you should do so with a guiding them or assisting them in any way you can. But as regarding accepting others as they are, I think what you're referring to is recognize the fact that others are others. They are who they are, they are not you don't make yourself the moral
high ground for everyone else. It's a sign of arrogance. They are who they are. They are not you. In fact, they thought theologian, Thomas campus wrote, be not angry that you cannot make others the way you wish them to be. Since you yourself has not made yourself the way you want to be. Are you the way you ought to be? Are you the way that you want to be? No. So why do you expect others to be the way you want them to be? But the idea is, accept others where they are as they are. In other words, don't expect them to be at a different level. Because if you expecting that you'll never engage them, you'll wait for them to come there. Like someone said, you know, if the mosques and churches
and synagogues are only for those who are perfect, none will enter churches or synagogues or mosques or temples, except God Himself. So they are those who are sinful. Like us. They are those who are more sinful. They are those who are less than they are those who are more pious and those who are less bias. They are where they are, but accept others as they are. Remember that there is so much goodness in the worst of us. And so much faults in the best of us. That it doesn't be hope any of us to find fault in hatred with the rest of us. The idea about accepting others as they are, for me, is perhaps the point. Because in life you want others to accept us as we are, then why the hypocrisy.
The critical aspect is this, that when we have images, I think one of the philosophers Krishnamurti said do not allow the thoughts of yesterday contaminate today. You may have a particular image of the guy yesterday, but something could touch his heart you could transform him into a better human being, how often teachers would have said to an individual a pupil in the class, you are useless men, nothing is able to do nothing. Albert Einstein, Correct. Correct. And in fact, what happens is someone said, you must give pupils hope because you have no idea what the future holds.
And often you might be working for them in the end. So the idea of accepting people and put all of us are products of our home environment, we are shaped by our life experiences. That individual might have gone through some horrific experiences, some very negative experiences, not things that are liberating understanding. And once you understand an individual accepting you and nothing is more gratifying to the individual, when a fellow human being when others have ostracize him, excommunicated him, but you affirm and hugging with thank brother Idris camisa answered that account for an uplifting and practical presentation on improving human relations. Having explained what
relationships entail, how to effectively engage people, as well as elaborating on the seven essentials for improving human relationships, one, be genuine and sincere, to be ethical and consistent. Three, be kind and empathic for improved communication, five, resolve conflict, six, appreciate and reciprocate, and seven, accept others as they are. Thank you, and peace be unto you.