Channel: The Deen Show
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Salam aleikum greetings of peace back with us on the D show sister Holly, how are you doing? I'm doing great and hamdulillah Salaam Alaikum alaikum Salam ruffcut Peace and blessings of the Almighty be upon you. This is such a powerful greeting every time I say it. I mean for the not yet Muslims who are out there.
Just in our greeting? I mean, how powerful is that? What people go around wishing other people peace, those who call themselves Muslims, it is definitely a way of letting the other person know you want what's best for them. And that is the the Hadith of the Prophet that is so powerful. And if we just implement this alone, is that want for your brother, what you want for yourself, so you want peace within? Then you want the others to have that peace as well. And that's what everyone is searching for. Right? That peace and the happiness? Absolutely. What do you say to those people? When you we have the greeting of peace, but on the other end people are trying to make the Muslims
seem like with all this fear mongering that we're people of war, you know, Islam, it's not the Muslims, they'll say, but it's Islam that radicalizes the Muslims. That's why we have all this havoc in the earth. Why would say look at you know, we're 1.6 billion people, if we had that belief, there would be a lot more havoc, right. But no, and hamdulillah We are, we are focused on building and constructing and improving. If there is just a like a point, I don't know, how many percent? What is it that who do things like like 0.003%? Okay, thank you for having the percentage. I'm glad I asked. So those individuals doing those things, we cannot categorize everyone as as doing that. Tell me
that. You see that psychology? This is your specialty clinical psychologist with 20 years experience? Yes. What motivated you to get into psychology? Well, it's interesting you ask because 20 it was about 25 years ago when I got into it. And there was no one in there as far as Muslims practicing Muslims. And many people tried to discourage me from going into it. But it was a passion of mine, because I was really motivated by the two hats one that says that the and I'm summarizing that the best amongst you as the one who removes the difficulties for from others. And the one who removes obstacles from others, Allah will remove obstacles for them on the Day of Judgment, and I'm
paraphrasing. And I think these two things was a great motivator.
I always like the that fulfillment to be able to change someone's life. And I think really through therapy, it is life altering, it is transformative. And so that's why I got into it. Has it been rewarding? It's been amazingly, I can't imagine doing anything else. Because I spend sometimes 1012 hours a day working and because it's a combination of psychology and Islam, I get people back on track and, and so it is the two things I love. So I can't imagine doing anything else. And let's see if you can give us some tips now from the from the psychological point from your expertise, how we can implement that in the dour in advising people, a sister, she talks about losing sheep, what she
feels her sister, when her sister was paraphrasing the story when her sister was and this you see this a lot when people are going to conventions or two talks to get motivated. zealous? Yes, I know they're they're just glowing, they're less grimy. They're just but now they go back to the her sister goes back to her old friends, who are you know about party and play drinking and all these other stuff. Now her sister ends up leaving town to go because she wants to explore, and her parents are worried. And now five years in the making, she met some boy on Instagram. And you know where that goes nice. It's my it seems like a land of no return. She's depressed, not like she was before
when she was around people who are trying to really live purpose. How to use the psychology maybe to bring help bring someone back. Right, right. Well, I hear cases like this on a daily basis, right? Do youth Yes, youth that have gone astray. And there are several, several ways that we can reach out to them. First of all, we cannot shunda just because they've made a mistake. A lot of parents will take this hard core approach and say, you know, you made this mistake and they abandon them. And this is the time they need help the most. So we definitely don't want to abandon we want to still show that you know the door of repentance is always open. And I think one of the best ways is, is to
just be in their life, to show that love and to show the beauty of Islam through our character not through preaching. They're enough
People going around and trying to preach to their family members, and correcting and judging. So we really have to put the judgment aside, I'm not here to judge you, I care for you, I, I love you, and I want what's best for you. And so when you show, and you come from a position of humility and compassion, rather than I am telling you what to do, you're doing the wrong thing. This is all Hi, Rob, and you become the heroin police. When you do that you push someone completely away. So it's about bringing up Miss showing no judgement, accepting them spending time with them, and hopefully through your, your behavior, you can affect them, it's not an instant change, it might take time,
but it's much more effective than coming in and trying to straighten them out.
This would you it's, it's a little bit, that's the the environment and really has a big influence over the youth and right and who your friends are, by. I mean, I know the biggest impact for me was, you know, in, in college, going to the MSA Muslim Student Association, having good Muslim friends and, and a lot of conference who were dedicating their life to the dean that really impacted me, and I'll have the love for that. Now, if you have a person, I've seen young girls, maybe in 19, having one bad friend, and just took her down the wrong road. I mean, you can imagine the things she got involved with drugs and being with a man who's at least like 19 years older than her and just just
destroying her life. So we really have to be selective. And that's why the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said, Be very selective in who your friends are, because your friends are a mirror of you. And so we definitely, and tell me who your friends are. And I'll tell you who you are. So we have to be very selective in who we choose to spend our time with. Birds of a feather flock together. There's so many say, friends, or like elevators, either taking you up or down, we don't want to, we want to go up to We'll be right back with more. The psychology in the Dow give me some great advice, might have a family member went off a little bit, we're going to try to get him back with some love will grow
back, don't go anywhere. So it's not like anything else. really experienced from you know, your uncle, Sonny, or, you know, through that WhatsApp noise. It's given me so much clarity, it's like, it's like, it's like a crystal, it's like, it's like a gem, these kind of things that you know, that will bring this kind of lightning to your head. Not not just to your head, but to your heart. And that kind of like, just like people talking to me, they've they've noticed that like, you know, even their personalities have changed. And they're, you know, it's all
a lot of stuff that I've learned from the show. So 100 Thank you, Eddie, I thank you, not just me, my family. Thanks, you too. So
that's a no brainer, that's a no brainer. It brought me from from from basic Anjali things I should have exposed, but it brought me from from darkness to light.
this, I got to memorize a lot of to answer this, you know, all these, you know, those are the star guests that you have in mind. They just have a whole bunch of different guests in and like, you know, they're featured on the show. And by the way they talk you kind of want to research them and how you know and learn, you know, the deeds through their eyes. And then under the law, like it's there's really no end to the wisdom that's that's been on this show. watch the show. I've been watching it for about three, four years now. And I love it. I got my brother's hooked on it. I got my wife was on it. So watch, watch the show, back here on the dean show.
An expert in psychology, clinical psychology. So we can definitely benefit from your experiences now the sister of whose sister, the sister trying to get her back. You had a chance if you had a chance to sit with her. And she says, look, what's the problem? I mean, I love him. Right? And a lot of times people confuse love with lust and whatnot. Sure. How do you reason with someone here? Because it can be blinding. Right? Right, right? Well, I've had situations like this, and it's really trying to get them to recognize to look not just right here, you know, looking at the delayed gratification, not the instant gratification a lot of times in the society we're living in, it's all
about instant gratification. I want to feel good, I want to feel good right now. But then you think about the delayed gratification. The idea of when you control your desires of the fact that you strive towards gender. So it's about asking that person look 510 years down the line. And is this the kind of life you want to have and as they start thinking along those lines, and they realize that this is not in their best interest and it's really important that that person wants to be changed. So now the the sister she's talking about her
sister and she says, Look, it's the friends when again going back when she's arrived us there's there's science behind this because if you're doing something thing something so many times and you've seen the same result with so many different people that okay you do the prayer do the for you, it's like exercise, you're exercising the soul, the heart, it produces, it takes like the gym is not easy, you have to tear the muscle, yes, strenuous on the body, good results. Same thing with the prayer with the fat, with good company, look, you staying away from these things that are harmful for us good results. But sometimes, you know, you it's not easy, it's not easy, not easy.
And we have a great affinity for those things that are that are attempting, right. And as soon as we are surrounded by people who are doing those things, then then it really affects our what is acceptable and what is not. And that's why we should be very selective. And then surrounding yourself people who are motivated, who are driven, that is just a way of refueling yourself, we need to be we need to strengthen each other. Because sometimes people get frustrated from the people at the question, right? You have the Oh, that sister is judgmental, that sister is you know, too dogmatic. That brother is too controlling whatever it is, and they start isolating themselves,
because they don't want to interact with them. And that is that is really dangerous. We need to stay connected. We need to overlook each other's flaws. Because we all have them. We all have our shortcomings. And it's just a matter of being motivated and getting the best that we can from whoever that we can derive that. That motivation from how would you advise when you see that now the sister or the brother, either one either or the brothers around these friends and every time you it's like you have the hardest is is so sensitive, and when you attach it to something bad? How do you disconnect that? Now the friends, right? This person is around these friend every time they get
around these friends? It's either the joint is the nightclubs. Yes, it's a it's something bad? How do you get them to finally like, let go break away? Yes. Well, I had a client actually that God got addicted to marijuana. And it was all about the the the friends. And I think once he recognized how this hurt his parents, this was one of the things that really woke him up. And I think those individuals who have a close connection with their parents, that's why As parents, we really need to invest in spending time with our kids and, and making them love and trust us that way. It's something that the child will will cherish and not want to lose, right. So this young man, when he
saw that he was hurting his parents, that was the thing that will come up. And he really realized that he needs to distance himself. So sometimes it's about hitting rock bottom, sometimes it's being imprisoned, sometimes it's about really seeing their friends and what where they're ending up, which wakes them up and realizes that I don't want to follow this path. And and we just need to be there for them to just to show that, you know, we have an open door policy within the massages, we really cannot be judgmental of a person who's coming in. And one of the most effective forms of changing someone is by not being judgmental, you know, sometimes I have a client come in. And what they share
with me is just is mind boggling. But I have to really work on my heart and make sure that I don't have an ounce of judgment, an ounce of judgment. And that's when I can be effective because as soon as you're trying to give advice and you feel like you're better than someone and you're superior to them, then that's going to shut them down. So we have to make sure that we come in with a real sense of that, that sense of compassion, rather than going in and reciting just versus telling them telling them what they're doing wrong and how it's all haraam but just trying to pull them in by that the love of Allah, not the fear of Allah. So would you say is it correct me if I'm wrong? So
are you suggesting or saying that when you're giving this advice, where it's truly coming from the heart Yeah, that the person sees that you really have sincere love for them and you want to change not you're not coming off in quoting some just be all now you know, to show that yes, I'm superior and you're just like right bound for the hellfire. And exactly, I find that the more knowledge people attain, unfortunately, I'm seeing it correlate with more pride. It's this feeling of I know more, I'm better than you. And they start correcting as a way of saying, you know, this is because I'm, I'm better and I know this. And that's not the characteristic of the prophets. Allah, Allah. So
Allah, the more we know, the more we should become humble, and the more we should really be understanding, I think what was very effective I
I was doing Holocaust in Egypt, and also in Dubai. And, and I found a lot of people who are coming to the hell up as these were the people. This is the 99%. You know, there's that 1%, who they're already practicing, they go to the mosque, they're already reading, they're gone. And then they go to the mosque just to get a little bit of motivation. I like to, I'd like to motivate that 99% who may not even want to step into a MOS, those individuals who've,
who may have gone totally astray. But it's a matter of feeling that you know what, it's okay. You can always start over, you can always straighten your life out. And those are the people's head as soon as they sense that they're llamada here, if they you know, the 99 you're talking about? Yeah, soon as maybe you come hard on them. Oh, absolutely. Like, right out. Exactly. It's very interesting, because when I was a friend of mine was hosting a this halaqaat this class in her home. And the first thing they did, they all came and they were asking me about the halal and haram and you know what I used a lot of psychology, I said, I'm not going to even address that we have bigger
issues to address, talked about happiness, talked about things that appeal to that. And once you win the heart, you have to say words that penetrates the heart, not things you don't want to tip them over the bridge, right? Because a lot of times with all this hot ramen, what you're doing is wrong. And this we're restricted here, that person feels so suffocated, you have to show the beauty of it and you got to put a little taste of like that honey, the honey, the sweetness of eemaan and put that about Islam and make them want more. Because what a lot of parents do, unfortunately, when there is a religious household, they shove it down their throat. Now imagine what is your favorite
all time favorite food. Of all time favorite food, I've people are probably gonna just probably get thrown off by this. It's something I hated, but I love it because of the it's the most nutrient dense food. Okay, I hate it taught myself to love it. Now I rejected my taste buds. It's liver, liver, and I like liver liver is good. It's very new to say at
the most bang for your buck. Yes, and it helps with anemia. So but imagine you love it so much as prepared so nice. But what if someone is shoving it down your throat? Right? No matter how much you love that food, you're gonna be repulsed by it, because it's being forced, right. And sometimes we do that with Islam, where we're pushing it and we're forcing it. So like,
I wanted to say that I've benefited greatly from the deen show. It's definitely a good reference for a lot of the new Muslims that I meet. And for myself, you know, just the type of issues that you deal with. They're very relevant. And you focus on a lot of things that people have questions about. And I think that's a great service to the Muslims. And you bring on a lot of unique guests that have expertise in different fields. And that really allows for that knowledge to we have access to that knowledge as Muslims, you know, because a lot of times, we don't know where to go for a lot of questions. We have Abdullah, we can come to the show. So sorry about that. I appreciate the work you
do. And may Allah bless the deen show. And that one general watch of the deen show, make sure you watch the show last detail