Channel: Daood Butt
It was salaamu Marlena B Hill Karim. Allah He of la sala to itema tasleem from bisha. Please Audrey way a Sidley anybody. Look at me lissoni of gobble Kohli, my brothers and my sisters a set Mr. La come to LA, he will buy a cattle. I hope that everyone is doing well today and shot a lot of Tyler. It is the 22nd of November 2020. And we are having what I heard on the radio just a few minutes ago, or maybe about an hour ago, actually,
to be the first snowstorm of the 2020 winter season. And handle over here we had, I would say probably about 17 centimeters of snow
in Milton and other parts of the GTA. So it was a very nice day, it's still snowing outside, still coming down, it seems like it's slowing down a little bit, but it's still you know, snowing and you know, be able to get out there and enjoy a little bit of snow later on inshallah Tada.
we are going to continue with our topic, and I was talking to shake with a fire just earlier. Outside, we were saying, you know, typically when we do classes in person, and it's snowing, we usually call it a snow day, and the class will be canceled, and it gives us a little bit of a break. So we were talking about how this year because everything is online, we don't get a break, you know, whether you're going to be teaching from home or teaching from the masjid, whether the mustard is open or closed, you will continue to teach. And so however, that's usually the way it is anyways, I usually, I mean, I have days off, but I don't have days off. And it is what it is. So, you know,
that's interesting, if we were attending in person, the class probably would only have maybe five people. But if it was a day where there was no snow, we probably would have a lot more. So the fact that we get to do it online means that we can continue to increase the numbers of attendees, whether it's a snow day or not, whether the weather is nice or not, as long as we have internet connection and the electricity is running, we are still able to live stream which is a good thing and it's a blessing from Allah subhana wa Tada, we have to consider that everything we do is a blessing from Allah azzawajal. And you know that even the snow falling from the sky, one of the brothers came into
the mustard before selected a shop.
And he was like really, really, you know, humbly requesting in a very nice respectful way, if you could make will do because he knows that the bathrooms are closed. So he was like, Chef, is there any possibility that I could, you know, use the bathroom to make although, and I was like, well, there is a way a loss of Hannah data sending some fresh water straight from the sky right now pure in every sense. And so you can use that water to make over and he was like Katya is freezing cold, like, it's okay, don't worry, we'll sort it out. So it happens a lot, we took care of that, and he did not have to make weather with snow outside of the masjid have that allow, look, as Muslims, you
know, we have to look after one another as human beings as well, it's our responsibility to look after each other. And a lot of the time we forget that rules sometimes are put in place, but we have to understand why the rule is put in place and try to work around it as well. No doubt, you know, it's a it's a precaution that massage would take closing their washrooms or, you know, limiting the blue area to only a necessity and that's really what we do is if it's an absolute necessity, then we will, you know, allow someone to,
to relieve themselves or use use the bathroom for whatever need and it's a human human thing, everyone will need it. And this is a problem that we've been facing in the last few months with, you know, not having ease of access to bathrooms in public places. So you might go out somewhere with your family, maybe to do groceries or you're traveling from point A to point B and one of your children needs to use a bathroom.
What do you do? And so we'll have the law we are understanding of that, not only as human beings but also as Muslims as believers. Someone might be praying their prayer and they break their will What are they supposed to do?
So, you know, there has to be access to water there has to be access to purify ourselves and prepare ourselves for Salah. However, that's not our topic for today. Today we're going to be talking about something
and I'm pausing to choose my words correctly. Something a little bit more interesting but also probably a
Little more sensitive to some it might be considered a taboo topic. But we're continuing the chapter on marriage.
And we are going to look at some of the things that are recommended to be done.
When a husband comes to his wife, for the very first time, as in the husband and wife see each other as a married couple, for the very first time, they are now together in one place for the very first time in their marriage. What is recommended from the dean from the Shetty out from our belief from the Quran and the Sunnah of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam to do when the husband and wife come together for the very first time.
So it is recommended for the husband to first off be very kind. And that's an obvious thing that sometimes doesn't happen. And I know if we mentioned it, you know, it's recommended islamically for the husband to be kind to his wife. People be like, yeah, no dog really, obviously. Of course, he has to be kind. Yeah, but sometimes you'd be surprised sometimes people are not kind sometimes they're upset because of something that happened, upset that he had to pay too much in mom or upset that you know, something was told to him by someone in the family or in her family. And so you know, a lot of the time you'll find where people will have interesting stories about the very first time
they came together as a married couple. However, we see
a smell vintage aid on the logger, and he said, I beautified a shout out the love and have for the messenger of Allaah some Allahu Allah who are sending them this is when the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is coming to take or to receive I shall be alone as his wife
beautified Isha for the messenger of a loss of a long rally, he was sanlam
a smart benzie that continues to see then I came to him and called him to come and be with her. So she went to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and told him to come and now you can be with it. She's ready now to receive you. So he came in sat next to her son, the longer any of us and them she lowered her head and was sorry, I skipped in line. He came in sat next to her he brought a large cup of milk. Now milk at the time of the profits on a longer it has elements of luxury, right? You get it from the animals, and it's something that you drink it, you know, builds your immune system, no doubt, but it is a sweet drink, right? It's a sweet drink for us nowadays. You open up your fridge
you have Coke and Pepsi and sprite and Fanta, and
let's see and kefir and I don't know what else you have in there. Perrier, water and you know you have juice and mango juice and mango nectar and then you have like strawberries and all these beautiful fruits and different things in there that you can do. But somehow the profits are longer it was some of them What did they have? They had water, right? So then dates and water and milk, right that you get from the animals. So the prophet SAW along it was something brings to shove the lover and her some milk and he sits down next to her with this large cup of milk. And she continues to say he drank some and then great gave it to her to drink. He drank some and then gave it to her
I'm going to pause here and ask all of you a question. Some less I'm going to say rule of law so lots of radical no the prophets that alone rally to something didn't bring robes, but I'm pretty sure someone you know nowadays in their marriage would be like serving the world.
But no, here's a question I want you to write it down in the chat. Okay, I want you to write this down in the chat. So the prophets no longer any of a sudden brings milk sits down next to shut up the Lamar now with this big cup of milk but he drinks some first instead of giving her some Why do you think the profits are longer it was on him did that why do you think the profits are longer it was something did not give her to drink first. And he ended up drinking that milk first. Write it down in the chat or the comment section let's see what you have to say in shot love to either What do you think is the reason why when the prophet SAW longer and he was sending them came to sit next
to each other the lover and have for the very first time and he brought milk in a big cup or in a large cup? Why do you think that he drank from the milk first and did not give to her to drink first. Let's see what your responses are.
Now shouldn't take you guys that long to type it in and to show his love for her. So he drank first to show his love for her.
Okay, he's making sure it is sweet, or making sure that it tastes good. All right. He wanted to share his
so for a friend and winter love, why do you say that he's showing his love or sharing his love with her by drinking first. Abdullah Zahid says to emphasize Alan nice, logical comun. Okay. He wanted to show that he promises that every time he feeds himself, he will feed her. I shot lots of articles. Ah, all right.
Share a life with her so he's sharing his stuff with her. This is mine when I'm sharing it with you. Okay. I made I says to check the quality and the taste of the milk. Okay.
So, many of you had, you know, good responses there and hamdulillah So, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
drink some of this milk, because generally, and other Hasib says to make sure it is not contaminated, generally, who is responsible for the household islamically it is the husband who's responsible, right. And we also see in another Hadeeth, how the how the comes with milk. Late at night, he finds his parents are already asleep. And his children are thirsty and they want to drink, but he doesn't give to his children. And he waits until his parents wake up. And then he gives them the milk to drink. Then he drinks from the milk. And then he gives to his children to drink. This is showing the status of who's responsible in the household. It's not belittling anybody. But it's
showing that this is mine. And I'm sharing it with you. It's also showing that I am responsible for you. And I will also share with you what I have of mine. Right I will provide for you from what I have. So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has it and he provides for her. Also, we see that between the lover and the prophets on a long rally, he was selam. If she ever drank from the cup, for example, he saw a lot of it, who was someone would take it and turn it in front of her and make her know
that he's drinking
from the same spot that she drank from, which is the romance that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam showed between him and his wife, right.
So it is a way of sharing. It's also a way of indicating, you know that I will provide for you what I have, and also showing the fact that he is in charge. And because he's in charge, that doesn't mean that he will not share that doesn't mean he will withhold from her rights. That means that he's in charge, but he will share and give to her What is her right, okay, in that marriage. So
that's something interesting that I thought we should learn together. But we'll continue. Okay, we'll continue.
So she says, He brought a large cup of milk, he drank some and then gave it to her. She lowered her head and was shy. She was shy. So a smart babila. And her then said, I encouraged her and said, Take it from the hand of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, it's her husband, right? So she says, Take it from the hand of the prophets, and along with it, the sun and this is your husband.
She then took it and drank some of some of it. So she took the milk from the hands of a prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam and also drank the milk. So she was shy to take something from him. Right? She was shy, she was, you know, didn't want to just be all out there, even though they knew that she knew the profit so long. It was on them what she had, you know, seen him for quite some time many years. She was well acquainted with who Mohammed saw along and he was selling them was, remember, he shot of the lager and has the daughter of Abu Bakar of the lover and the close friend of the prophets on a lavallee he was selling them right. So there was history already there.
And she knew very well who the prophets are longer it was animals but she was shy, this is now her husband, right and she took from the hands of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam and drank.
So he's showing his kindness to his wife some longer and he was,
he should put his hand so a husband now, when he comes to his wife, he should put his hand on her forehead, and mention the name of a law and pray for blessings. And he should make a supplication or, you know, a state. What was mentioned by the prophet sallallahu wasallam. If one of you marries a woman, right if one if you get married
He should take her forehead right? And mention a last name Bismillah. Okay, say Bismillah and pray for blessings by saying in English.
And I forgot what this is, honestly, I don't remember it. I've been married for too long, and I don't need it anymore. But
just saying you guys should memorize it, for those of you that aren't.
This is a light hearted joke. But you know, put his hand on her forehead and say Bismillah
and then say, Oh Allah, I asked you for her good, and the good of what you have dispositioned her towards, and I seek refuge from her evil and the evil you have dispositioned
her towards. So a door that is mentioned by the prophets on a lager IV, he was an alum, asking for the good that would come from the blessings of these two people now coming together, and protection from the evil. And remember, it's not saying that someone is evil, a lot of people misunderstand this, right?
It's not that, you know, a wife is evil, and she has evil in her and stuff like that, no.
When two people come together, there are differences. And there are subtle things that happen between them, that shade on feeds off of as in shade on the loves to continue to poke these things in between husband and wife and to make, you know, small issues seem like such a big, big, huge problem. And we need to be very careful of that. Okay. So, you know, that's, that's also from the Sunnah, and recommended, you know, redeem that this be done, okay. And I remember when we were in Malaysia, it's part of the culture there too. To do this, anyone who gets married usually will do this, right. And you'll see the wife seated down, she's like, in the Tasha hood position, right
sitting down, like, we would sit in Salah, and the husband will come, you know, standing in front of her and put his hand on her head and say Bismillah, or say to Dora, and they will make do out together, right, you see this, sometimes they do it the culture there in Malaysia is that they would do it after the nigga has done, he'll go to his spouse, and he'll do this in front of others. So people can witness that the two of them are coming together. But also it encourages her to not be on her own, and know that she's got some support from everyone, the family and the people that are around. So there are cultures that will, you know, even have this sort of part of the summit done in
front of others as well.
We just have to remember that we maintain our high up and we are not going to do or look at or say or touch or deal with people that are not Muharram for us in a way that is not permissible. Okay.
It is also recommended.
And I'm just going to state this now that we are going to get into some stuff that has to do with intimacy with husband and wife,
you know, being alone in the room in the bedroom. And we're going to talk about things very openly. And I'm going to actually keep tonight's class a little bit short in terms of what I'm teaching, so that you can ask more questions, because usually once we talk up and touch upon that topic, you know, questions do arise. So I'm just disclaimer putting that disclaimer out there right now that, you know, we will get into talking about,
you know, sex and just, you know, if your children are around and you don't want them to hear that word, then probably a good time to maybe put them to bed now. Okay. So it is also recommended that they pray to Dhaka together
as this has been narrated from some of the early scholars, and we see that there are reports of this in the Sunnah. And amongst the Sahaba, about the lower income, okay, that they pray to add together that the husband leads the wife in prayer. And that's not something that should only be done on the wedding night. And I say this to brothers. You know, when was the last time that you and your spouse prayed together? Right, and they're like, we never prayed together. Why not? Like oh, you know, I just go to my room and pray and she goes to her room and prays, no, you should get the family together or you know, husband and wife sometimes should pray together especially during the month of
Ramadan. It's nice to see people you know, leading their spouse in Salah, and I said I'll move on because it's usually the time of the year the month that we pray extra Noah fill extra prayers, but generally we should try to do this more often as well. Okay.
disclaimer, I said, you know, your children are around, probably best to have them in bed away from you right now and shot a lot of times, okay?
I'll take a water break so that you can walk away from your children.
Oh, and when I say children, I mean like 12. And under, and I think that anyone who's maybe, you know, 1415 years old, if your children are 15, and up 15 and up, they probably should hear this, right, they need to know this stuff. So don't consider your 25 year old child to be your child, a little child know, if they're 2530 years old, 15 years old and up, I think they should stick around and listen to this because they've been exposed to things at school that are far worse than we're not going to talk about anything bad. We're talking about, about, okay, we're talking about worship, you know, intercourse in Islam, as long as it's done Hillel in marriage, it's considered very bad,
in fact, considered sadaqa. Okay. And we'll see that. So, the next part of what we're taking is, you know, things that are encouraged, and it is not encouraged to, for it's not something that should be forced upon anyone to have, you know, intercourse on the first night of your marriage, it is something that is helpful for the couple, this is why we mentioned it, but if the couple doesn't feel comfortable, you know, being intimate together in the first night having sex on the first night, then that's fine. First week, first month, first year, maybe I don't know, everyone's different, okay, everyone is different, every couple is different. And we leave that up to you. And
of course, we try to make sure that we do not withhold something from each other, because a huge part of marriage is to be together sexually. Okay?
It becomes hell, marriage is what makes it Hello for the husband and wife. So we should make sure that we're not going to get married with the intention of not having sex together for a year or two. And I know sometimes I get couples coming in, or I get parents coming in talking to me with their children, or, you know, their children either present or not present. And they're like, we don't want them to be intimate with each other for the first three years, or the first four years of their marriage, because they're going to university and I'm like, then why are you getting married? You know, they're held on for each other once IndyCar has done, why are you withholding this from them?
Like, why are you forcing them not to have sex with each other? It's something that's permissible. And in fact, it's, it's like they're when a teenager is like, want to get married, it's like their driving force most of the time. 90% of the time, I'll say generously. You know, that's, that's what they want. That's what they want. Right? So
when having intercourse with
the spouse, so when when a husband who just got married to his wife, or who's new, you know, newlyweds, I wouldn't say just got married but newlyweds when having intercourse with with the spouse, the husband should say in the name of a law or law word off shape on from us and ward off from shape on what you grant us.
Making dua to Allah, Allahu Allah, Jen Nibbana shavon we're Gemini Vshape on another's octina
and about this supplication the prophets on a longer I think he was sending them said, then if Allah decrees that you should have a child shavon will never harm him. or her. Okay, shaytani will never harm that child. And this is not a door that said only on the first night of marriage, this is a duality that should be said before every couple is, is going to have sex. Okay, so before every couple is intimate with each other, they should say this to a lot of magenta Nibbana shavon where jen noobish habaneras octina Okay, it's adorable, you should say because if you get pregnant, right, if the wife gets pregnant from that, then you want to make sure that first of all, you you know,
your pregnancy is blessed from before it was even,
you know, before before the child was even conceived.
And you also want to make sure that your actions together as husband and wife shaitan is far from it. So you're saying a lot ward off shapen from us before you are actually even sexually intimate with one another. And that's important because sometimes people get carried away. Right sometimes people get carried away and may do things that are haram and not permissible islamically and we'll talk about that as we move on. Now. In short, a lot of Tyler
also, you know, people may say things that
are held on people will, you know sometimes are in a in a mind frame because of the pleasure, right? Because of the pleasure, they might say things that are wrong. For example, say a statement of Schick right say something that is wrong. You know, someone might be in such a level of pleasure that they say something to their spouse, that is only befitting for a loss of Hannah what's had, okay, and yes, it's also a way of reminding the couple of Allah subhanho wa Taala. Okay, and that what you are doing together is something that is
from the deen permissible according to a loss of Hannah boy data because a couple is married, and also a sadaqa. So it's an act of very bad it's an act of worship, to be together, you know, intimately between husband and wife in a way that is permitted within our Shetty. Okay.
Keep your questions in shallow for when we're done in a few minutes.
So, a husband may approach his wife or as in you know, the couple can be together for the purpose of sexual intercourse in any position that they wish. So either from the front or you know, from behind her, the husband can be behind her. She can be on her back, she can be on her knees, you know, all these different positions are permissible, permissible in Islam. Allah subhana wa tada says, Nisa will come hatherleigh come to health accom and [???]. Okay, your wives are a tilth for you. So go to your tilth, when or how you will and we'll explain why this verse was revealed. Okay. So this first basically means that, you know, having sexual intercourse with a spouse in any position is
permissible. islamically Now, when we talk about positions, you might wonder to yourself why we even talking about positions of sex, when you know it's something private? Well, astatically we need to know what is permissible, what's not permissible is the rights to everything, even things that are private, so no one's going to be talking about their actual, you know, and I'm putting this out there for anyone who's asking a question as well, please, if you're going to be asking a question that you ask it, you know, in a way that doesn't reveal anything of you or your spouse. And if it's something specific, you know, then ask it in a third person, for example, right? Say, uh, you know,
a friend of mine was wondering if to write it just makes it easier. And it's, it's better on the hearts so that the person the people that are reading it, don't read anything into it. Okay.
But we'll take questions in a bit. Okay. Just think of your questions as we go along. And chulmleigh. So, Jeb, if the mind says the Jewish would say that if a man came to his wife from behind, but through her vagina, right, the child would be cross eyed. So when we say from behind, and when we mentioned from behind, we are not talking about anal sex. Okay, we are not talking about sodomy. We're talking about husband and wife.
You know, having sex in
Yeah, you know, so jabber the alarm and said the Jewish would say that if the men came to his wife from behind, but through the vagina, the child wouldn't be cross eyed. This is what the Jewish used to say.
And the Muslims, right? They used to know this, that the Jewish would say that. So Allah subhana wa tada then revealed the verse, your wives are till for you. So go into that into your tilth when and how you please Okay, even I busted on the longer angle now. He said the district of the unsolved where idol worshippers and lived with the district of the Jews.
Okay, so the area of where the unsolved were living was close to the Jewish
and there were some machete kuin that were there as well. So they were idol worshipers as well in the area. And he continues even our best on the lower end of the mat, he says.
So the district of the unsought were idol worshippers and lived with the district of the Jewish who were People of the Book. Okay, the Jewish people of the book, The unsolved use to consider them as having
superior knowledge. So the inside of us to consider the Jewish of Medina like traditional time Medina we're talking about prior to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam making the hedgerow, okay, this is before the hedgerow. So the ensalada used to consider them as having superior knowledge, because they were People of the Book.
Therefore, they would imitate them in many of their acts, many of the things that the Jewish would do the unsought would imitate them, they would take from them, they would do it as well.
It was the practice of the People of the Book, that they would not approach their wives except from the side. So she would be laying on her side. Okay, laying on her side.
In this way, the woman is most concealed. So this is what I mean ambassador, the lover and who knows saying, He says that the people of the book would not approach their wives except from the side while she's laying on her side. In this way the woman is most concealed her body is is concealed. And, and, you know, that was a practice that they had. Thus, those unsolved took this practice from them. The unsolved that lived close by they also used to do this, the equation on the other hand, the glacier, who the people from mcca, write, the equation the other hand, would put the woman on their backs and approach their wives in any fashion. from in front, behind as in maybe backwards,
right or on their backs. Okay. When the mohajir one came to Medina, so now the Muslims are migrating from Mecca to Medina. When the Mahajan Jordan came to Medina, one of them married a woman from the unsought and he began to approach her in one of the other fashions, and she objected to it. Remember, she, she is from the people of Medina. So they're used to learning from the Jewish and the Jewish said that the woman is supposed to be laying on her side. Okay? But
the mohajir on learned from the quotation, the Quraysh were like you can do whatever you want, right? Any position is fine. So when he came in, he got married to one of the unsolved the woman from the inside was like, What are you doing? Don't touch me in that way. Right? I will just, you know, conceal myself. And, you know, that's how we're going to do this. And so she became offended, right, or she objected to it. And she said, we only have intercourse on the side. Do that, or stay away from me?
And do that or stay away from me.
Now this incident, had reached the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam as in knowledge of this incident came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So even our best sort of the love and humor he says the event reached the messenger of a loss of love, and he was so loved and revealed. What did a lot of data revealed. Lisa oakum had to look on third to a half a second and Nashik to I must handle it Allah revealed your wives articles for you. So go into your tilth when and how you please. Okay, as in
continue in Sharla. And so he continues and he says of the other one that is from in front, behind or on one's back as long as it is in the place of impregnation or impact impregnating. Okay, as in the vagina, as long as it's there, then that is permissible. Okay. in any position you wish. Okay.
sodomy is however, prohibited the prophets on a longer it usnm said Whoever has intercourse with a menstruating woman, or commit sodomy with a woman has committed an act of crowfoot or ignorance in what has been revealed to Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam so it is a sin and highly disliked in Islam. Okay, it is a sin and highly disliked. That does not mean that it takes someone out of Islam, but what it means is that, you know, that person is committing a sin and a loss of haddaway data, of course, considers that to be sinful.
The couple should intend by their marriage.
Sorry, the intimate relations with one another. within Islam, a husband and wife their intimate relations between each other are recorded as an act of charity for them is considered Southern, right an act of charity. How do we know this on the authority of Buddha or the lager and some of the companions of the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
said to the prophets on a lager and he was held
messenger of Allah, the affluent have made off with their rewards.
They pray, like we pray fast, like we fast, and they also give in charity from their extra wealth. So, some of these companions that are, the longer I knew they weren't as wealthy as some of the others, and they were complaining to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, that some of the wealthy companions, you know, they get extra rewards, because they pray, like we pray. So they get those rewards. And they fast like we fast. So we get those rewards and they get those rewards, but they give extra in charity from their extra wealth and we don't have the ability to do that. So he said some are longer and he was on the profits in the long run even someone replies and he says,
hasn't alum made things for you to do in charity. Right as in like, arc, there are also things for you, that are considered a charity. And he continues to say, so long as he was selling them very early, every scene of somehow Allah is a charitable act and saying, Allahu Akbar is a charitable act, and seeing some Hello, sorry, saying Alhamdulillah is a charitable act. And everything of law in Milan is a charitable act. Ordering good is a charitable act. forbidding evil is a charitable act, and you having sexual intercourse is a charitable act as in with your spouse.
They then said to the Prophet, sallAllahu, Alayhi, wasallam, or messenger of Allah, when one of us fulfills his desires,
he will have a reward for that, you know, they're confused and a little bit shocked, like,
are you serious, like we're getting rewarded for being sexually intimate with our spouse?
So they said, well, messenger of Allah when one of us fulfills his desires,
he will have a reward for that. He said some longer and he was sanlam. Tell me
if he were to fulfill
if he were to fulfill it unlawfully?
Would he bear that sin?
Similarly, if he fulfills it lawfully, he will have a reward. Look at what Allah subhana wa, tada, you know,
does for the person or the people who are intimate with each other in a halal way, right. They're married and they're, you know, staying within the boundaries of Islam in what's permissible. The prophets on a lot of it with some of them says, when one of us fulfills his desires, he will have a reward for that. And he's asked by the Sahaba, is there really a reward for us fulfilling our desires? The prophets, a lot of it, he will send them says, tell me, if you were to fulfill it unlawfully? If that person was to go and do something, how long with someone who's how long for him?
Okay, would he bear that sin? Yeah, obviously, right? He did something that was how long she did something that was how long that sin is upon them. Similarly, if he fulfills it lawfully, he will have a reward for that. Allahu Akbar. It's amazing, isn't it? hamdulillah. That brings us to the end of what we're going to cover for today in sha Allah. Next week, we'll start with the obligation of the walima. Okay, that will either shut down or stop with that will suffice with this for today. We'll open it up for some questions. I know some of you probably have some questions. Some of you might feel shy to ask your questions.
Try not to be tried to ask your question in a way that you know, if you feel shy asking it about yourself, ask it about someone else. Okay. Ask it about someone else, as in don't say, Oh, you know, sister sons or brothers. Just ask it in third person, right? Just be like, a friend of mine was curious, or a friend of mine was wondering or you know, something like that. Because even if someone else wasn't wondering, you know, you could just ask the question straight up, and no one is going to judge you. charlotta
All right. No one has any questions. Great. makes my day easy. Now, I'll let you finish typing. I'm pretty sure someone's typing in they're trying to figure out how am I going to type this?
Okay, someone's asking why likoma set up. Is it allowed to use contraception? Yes.
permissible to use contraception on the condition that it does not harm or distort either of the two people. So it does not harm the natural makeup of that person's body. Okay, so tying tubes is not permissible a scientifically but using a condom is permissible, okay.
Is there any requirement or time limit on a couple as to when they decide to have sex after marriage, there's no specific time limit, there are things that we find in the Sunnah.
About Sahaba, some of them consummated their marriages immediately, others didn't remember, they were in the desert, it's hot. And you know, the heat of the desert does something to human beings. But some have a lot. It's, it's something that we should respect. Okay, we should respect both parties.
If one person, the husband or the wife doesn't feel comfortable, you know, for some time, then we should try and respect that and also try to gain the respect and trust of each other.
Someone asked question, but I think because you had written in Arabic, your question didn't come out.
Together, it's kind of split. So, boy to help him to reach his family, sir. Is it permissible for a girl to communicate with? Is it permissible for a girl to communicate with the boy to help him to reach his family?
I don't really understand your question. I don't really understand your question.
Is there more reward of doing this on the Thursday night?
I don't know.
I don't know. Is it because Thursday night is Friday, technically, Is that why you're asking this question?
Again, there's another question here regarding the door, read before engaging in intercourse? Is it up only to be read by the husband? Or can the wife also read it, the wife can read it as well, both of them can read it, okay. But if one of them reads it, remember, you're saying a lot of them a Gen nibin S shape on one Gen maybe shape on an auto sector. And so you're making that door out before having intercourse, asking of us Penwith data for protection for both of you. So if one person reads it, it's technically sufficient, but it's good for both of you to remember to read it, or to say this Dora seeking protection from shavon before being sexually intimate with your spouse.
I saw something here.
Is it permissible for the girl to communicate with the boy to help him to reach her while he as he directly cannot approach her?
Is it permissible to communicate with the boy
to help him to reach her wanting to see directly cannot approach her? Okay? So for example, I'm not really sure exactly what you're asking.
But if if, for example, what you're asking is, you know, he doesn't know
her father's phone number for example. Can she give her father's phone number to him? Yes, that's what she should do. So for example, if a brother walks up to a sister and they're not married, and he says, you know, Mashallah girl you fly or something like that, you know, we're always thinking like, Oh my God, you're so lame.
But I you know, a brother walks up to his sister and complements her and says something nice to her. And you know, if she's happy with him, and you know, interested in him or whatever it is, right? And hopefully, she doesn't just start handing out her number that easily. She should be handing out her father's number and these brothers who are calling they should be calling me like, yo, somebody comes, oh, who's this? And it's like, oh, yeah, it's the Father. Right? So put, put the brother in touch with the money. Okay, put the brother in touch with the money and take it from there. inshallah.
Is there a time in the day and the night that are better for having sex? Is it recommended from the seminar? So there are times that are mentioned for family to respect the privacy of the couples that live in the house, and those times are
in the morning, early morning, right like when you wake up also, in the afternoon when a person might take a Lula so after the afternoon nap, and after salata, Leticia, because that's the time when people go to bed. So generally the time that people are, you know,
either going to sleep, waking up and taking a nap in the middle of the day. Those are the times where privacy is important. And family members should know that this is private time. And in the case that the two of them are, you know, being intimate with one another, or with each other, then call us. We're not going to interrupt them during this time. Okay.
Let me just scroll down here, because I've noticed quite a few questions came in.
So my friend is in a home relationship, and I've told her how it's not right what she is doing, even if it's minor Zinner, but she can't let the parents know. Even same with the boy, he doesn't want to. So then they should not be together, okay? If they can't, if they can't tell someone about it, they can't tell them why they can't, you know, be open about it, then they shouldn't be with each other. It's just going to lead to something that's worse. And worse and worse. And this is why the steps to hold on are easy. Okay, the steps to hunt are easy. And so they should be very careful. And you should encourage them to either stop what they're doing, or to make a decision to you know, go
to the parents and discuss it and get married. Okay.
Okay, get parents involved, even though it's not my business, but I should be worried for her Dean. Okay, so if you're asking if you should get involved, I don't know the situation specifically. I don't know how close you are to her. I don't know your ages. I don't know how old you are. I don't know your situations if you're going to school if you're you know, you know if you're related to them or not. So remember, you don't want to also rat someone out remember people are doing things knowing that Allah subhana wa tada is watching. Okay, and we should remind them a loves watching you. It tequila fear Allah subhanho wa Taala. Right fear of law. And remember, you can use that
Hadith of the Prophet so long or any of a sudden them sent back to a new lender when the Lord will feed Linda young allows Linda 11 seven categories of people that will be shaded on the Day of Judgment, there's no shade except his shade. And one of the categories are about June down to one into two months ago, Jamal enfocado Nia, half a white man who was invited by a woman of high status and beauty, right to be with each other in a way that is how long and not permissible. And it can be both ways. Right? It could be a woman who's being you know, encouraged by someone of high status, she's, you know, she's basically in that position where she feels like, Hey, you know what this is
it, let's let's go ahead. And for the sake of a lot of, say, a half a lot, if you're a loss of halloweentown, and they walk away, they keep that to themselves, and that is between them and Allah subhanho wa Taala they are from the people that are under the shade. So we consider people that are doing hot on a cell phone while you're doing how Allah Subhana Allah wants them to come out of their situation, and earn their gender, earn the shade of Allah subhanho wa Taala through what they're doing, right.
And so you should highly encourage her to reconsider what she's doing. And you should, you know, use strategy, use strategy to try and save and protect them from something
I know of so many cases of sisters who become pregnant, you know, so many so many so many cases of sisters who become pregnant and then they're confused. They don't know what to do, they start questioning the permissibility of abortion, they start, you know, leaving their family they go away for some time, there's, you know, there's so many different things that that come up, you know, we need to make sure that we are doing what's right and there's an Amana on our shoulders as well. So I don't know your situation, and your your relationship with the person, but you're really going to need to think this through and try and do what's best. inshallah, Tada.
Let me scroll up and see.
Okay, in what circumstance can a wife reject the husband for intercourse, if any?
So I would say instead of answering that question, you know, directly I would say that we should be understandable with each other's situations. each other's feelings, each other's emotions. understand each other's day. How was your day? What did you go through? What did you experience? Are you even in the mood? You know, I don't understand a husband who just wants to, it's my right. You know, just like it's my right. And then like, okay, it's your right but you actually get pleasure when your wife
is not pleased when your wife is not happy. And your wife is upset with you or when your wife is having a bad day or she's not feeling good or has a headache or something like
where's the heart? Where's the heart? Right? We have to be understanding of each other. And sometimes when we put aside what we want and what we desire for the sake of pleasing Allah Subhana Allah, and looking after our Muslim Brothers sister, remember, our spouse is still our Muslim sister. Okay, a lot of people forget that. Our spouse is our Muslim sister, and a person who divorced their spouse, she is still your Muslim sister. Okay. And she has rights that need to be respected. And so sometimes people cross that line and say, I don't care if she's my ex wife. And she know she's your Muslim sister. Remember the final sermon of the prophets and along with it with
someone you have no right. to dishonor her, you have to honor your Muslim brother or sister. Even though it's your ex spouse, you honor them. Allah subhana wa tada encourages us to part weighs in goodness, if that's what it comes to. So we have to remember that the feelings and emotions and the day and the troubles and the challenges that people go through, you know, you might be having a hard day one day and she's like, come on, come on, and you're like, leave me alone. Yeah. Okay, she understands. So, if you respect others, others will respect you. In return, we ask Allah subhana wa to add it to make it easy. Remember that it's not permissible, as we saw it is not permissible for
a married couple to have sex when she is on her period. Okay, and I hate to say this, but we do see that this happens in the Muslim community as well.
I've had, you know, couples come in and tell me that, you know, we think we can made a mistake or, you know, brother says, I had, you know, sex with my wife, and she had her period, as a login to put me in jahannam, or, you know, people will come in and say, Hey,
you know, I can't, I can't deal with it a brother say, I can't, I can't wait six days or seven days, or, you know, there was a case as well, that I dealt with a few years ago of a sister whose period lasted long, you know, she has a prolonged period, not just five or six or seven days, and it's prolonged in every month and the brothers like, you know, for half a month, every month, you know, it's like, two weeks on in two weeks off, and like, you know, the brothers like,
just can't, can't resist for two weeks. And and, you know, that's something that's hung on. Okay. So we have to be very careful of that. And I warned you before that we're going to be talking about things so don't complain to me, okay. It's them. Is it recommended to live in a joint family or in a separate house from the parents and husband's family?
In Islam, it is encouraged for each spouse to have their own home, to have their own space.
Okay, and I say this all the time, but I'm saying it
with the understanding that there are many people out there who have financial difficulties and they're not able to afford their own place. Okay, they're not able to afford their own place.
Or they're not able to
leave their parents because they're elderly and they need they need help. They need to be looked after. This is where we need to look at what are the parents rights, what is the spouse's rights, the wife's rights. And I always encourage that when someone is getting married, they put their wife
they provide it, I should say for their wife, a place that is healthy for them to live in, right a place where either she has own home or she has her own apartment, or she has her own basement or whatever it is, you should make it clear Look, this is what I'm able to provide for you. And a spouse needs to understand as well wife needs to understand maybe the brother loses his job. What am I going to live, if we have to downsize if we have to live in a basement if we have to, you know cut certain luxuries our life
is not encouraged systemically to live in a joint. That's a cultural, cultural, the prophets no longer had a home for each one of his spouses.
And the prophets in a long time also had a home for himself
behind the house of a shadow of the love, and that was his private space, his space. Now, you know, people will say, but we can't afford that these days. I know, I understand that fully. We can't afford it, you need to make decisions, either you're going to provide the space for her, or she's going to agree and she agrees to certain things. And sisters, if you agree, I've warned you before. And I'm warning you again, if you agree to it, you agree to it, living with you know, your your spouse's parents, either put a time limit on it or sit to have the rules laid out clearly, you know, divide space, have your own space, their own space, but again, it's very problematic, okay, my wife
will will know, right? My wife lived with my parents for seven, eight years, okay. for eight years.
I was a student and I wasn't even there. And she was living with my parents. And so, you know, you have to have boundaries. But also now, you know, you just imagine you're living in your house, you're married to your wife, your wife can wear whatever she wants coming out of her room, if she has her own heart and place. If your parents are living there, she can't leave the room unless she's completely covered wearing Hijab and stuff like that people say, Why hijab? Well,
you know, what, if your other siblings are living there, how I'm standing out like, it's hard, it's very hard part, be hard for for a spouse to do that so many years or months on it. So try to provide space for your wife, it is not encouraged systemic Lee to live in a joint household is a cultural thing. And is a cultural thing that works in some countries because of the design style of those houses. But it does not work in Canada, because our homes are one home and each person has one room. And that room doesn't have a kitchen, that room doesn't have a bathroom. And it has a bathroom great, but still doesn't have a kitchen, it doesn't have a chill spot doesn't have an office for
them to work place for them to raise their children, it doesn't have that space, as in other countries will have a home. And they'll be like a home here and a home here and joined by the courtyard in the middle, but you still have your space. So please do consider doing the math on this one for you get back, okay.
As my friend is drifting away from prayer, and hijab, she's talking to me for help. Is there anything that's a must bring up when giving her advice, she's drifted away from prayer in a job.
You know, you need to surround her first of all with people that are going to be a good help and benefit to her. You also need to help her to increase her demand. So teacher things encourage her to do things that will increase her email to look at people less than her. And to also, you know, encourage her to listen to lectures of people that will you know, build her self esteem and allow her to build self confidence. So she understands who she is. And she takes pride in her job and she takes pride in her behavior outside of the home. And she takes pride in her prayer and she is happy and pleased with Allah subhana wa Tada. And, you know, it's going to be a long constant struggle,
but it's worth it. And if a couple does that, is it allowed? Then what is the kuffaar?
A couple days? What?
Couple days what you just said, if a couple does that, and sorry, you typed it while I was speaking and the chat doesn't move, so I didn't get to see that. I see another question here.
Sorry, I'm just going to scroll here for a bit
in the situation where the wife does not feel ready to have sex, but the husband does it is it a sin for her to delay it?
So she should communicate and if he's understanding 100 in law, but also remember if he needs it?
And if she needs it, okay, a lot of the time this is spoken about in the sense that the men needs it more than the woman there are women out there that I know and I've had cases of sisters who come in with their husband and in front of their husband will say I need it four times more right one sister said I need a four times more than my husband does. Right and he doesn't please me enough. My husband isn't pleased.
Right. And this is a lot of the time, that's the case. But some spouses are too shy to say that to their husband, right? He doesn't please me. He doesn't do the things that I want. Okay.
As bluntly as you can tell me this, is it how to have a mortgage getting interest versus a king hit versus taking it.
Giving interest in taking interest are both hot on. Okay. You said to say it as bluntly as possible. There you go. The wife usually goes to the husband's house in some cultures.
This is also the way in Islam.
someone's saying the wife usually goes to the husband's house in some cultures. Oh, is this also the way it is now? No, it isn't. Okay, No, it isn't. The husband is supposed to provide a home for his spouse. Okay. Not his parents house. If he's going to rent his parents basement, for example, or his parents have like a duplex and he can use one floor. You know, and that's their home, their living space. Fine. And again, he should make this clear to her prior to marrying her. Okay, what is the criteria for setting my home? Okay, watch last week's class. And you'll, you know, we talked about last week, so go and watch last week's class. And you'll see that there and Shawn. Okay. Let me come
back to this one. Sorry.
Is it wrong?
When the couple is about to have intercourse, they remember their past relation with their previous partner. So it's very hard to
say if that's wrong or not as I can't say, yeah, it's wrong. Don't do it. Because it's, it's dealing with a person's memory. I can't delete a person's memory. And a person can't just naturally delete their memory as well. Okay? So if a person remembers it, they should say our beloved Shakeology, right? Anytime shavon is messing with us. Remember, that's from the whispers of shape. Ah, right, you're remembering something else, or you're comparing something else. But a memory is a memory and it's there. You have to also conceal that honor, let's say was a was an ex spouse was a widow, right? It was it was the person is a widow, their spouse passed away, and they're remembering how
you know they were intimate with their previous spouse, then, you know, seek help from Allah subhana wa, tada, there's always going to be emotions, there's maybe 100 more scenarios that we can give on this example. But you know, it's shade on seek refuge in a law firm shaitan if it's a memory that's there because of something that was nice in the past, and you missed it and you loved your ex spouse, for example, or you know, the spouse that passed away, that's understandable. You know, it might at times be important to communicate certain things with your current spouse. I'm not saying that you should communicate this. But try to ask for help. Okay. It works because the pressure is a
little high on Sanjay, can you please answer my question above? Or if it doesn't sound right, then leave it? I believe I am.
So if you can retype your question
because there's too much for me to scroll through.
And if you're new to the joint family question then I answered that okay. You mentioned saying below in a negative thought comes and we stick with it Melilla or saying in Manila is wrong.
So in 99, is more for a masiva right. And
we are encouraged to refuge in Allah subhana wa tada from shape on by saying rubeola mina shape on energien but in Allah ism will Seba is said when, when something that will seem like a problem is muscular. It's a difficulty or hardship. Someone's afflicted with something. And if you're afflicted by this memory that's really taking you over, then yes, a in any way No.
right but also say arrows will be lurking in a shape on his or gene because what you're doing is you're seeking help from a loss of handling data, because of this whisper of shape on that is coming to you. Okay.
So someone asked, What is the criteria for sending model that was last week's class so you can go back and watch the session we did last Sunday and you'll find it there in chama?
Is it permissible for a girl to communicate with the boy to help him Okay, so we already answered that as well. All right, I think that's it.
anyone has any questions?
Have a few more seconds to type that in there. I hope that this was clear. Forgive me if there was anything, I saw that I didn't see this your device for couples who go to all inclusive vacations type of vacation to take
and what to be prepared or cautious of. Okay, so what's my advice on going to all inclusive vacations is to be careful of where you're going, first of all, and to make sure that you are covering your eyes from people's out that are exposed. Okay, the very cautious of that, if you're going there are some places you can go to, for example, in Turkey, you know, there's the there's a few places where you can get like a shediac compliant vacation or resort.
Malaysia has quite a few Indonesia has a few.
There are like shediac compliant hotels and stuff like that.
look, you know, if you're picking and choosing a place to go to, on vacation, then know that there are certain situations that might be very awkward. Just prepare yourself in advance for it and try to figure out how you're going to deal with it when the time comes. So how are you going to deal with going swimming? Are you going to choose a time when most people are having dinner, and they're not swimming in the pool, so you can go and swim during that time? Those are things that you can consider in Shama reply replying to
his cut this from my client and teacher, using a note whenever someone would bring bad news, or someone spoke something bad. Yes. Yeah. When someone you know, when someone receives bad news, bad news is and we'll see but right, so we say Indonesia right now.
Okay. Or if you know, a child is doing something wrong in the class in LA, or in alien as humans, and we'll see it as a problem, right? How do you deal with it? So yeah, that's, that's good.
When planning weddings, is having a color scheme or like a theme for clothing, not permissible as it could potentially resemble the non Muslim weddings. Okay. So we should try and stay away from resembling any other faith. Okay, there are certain cultures that we can sort of go with cultural practices that are permitted within Islam are permissible. So for example, you know, wearing certain things that resemble other faiths, or other beliefs or other religions that are out there is not something that's encouraged to do
actually is not permissible epistemically. But wearing something that is part of a culture. Like, for example, a brother who's Pakistani is marrying a Malaysian sister, and he wears Malaysian Babu and matches the color of the Malaysian baijiu that she's wearing. Budget coat on, so there's nothing wrong with that. Okay, as long as we're not doing anything that's linked to another religion kind of thing. That makes sense. Okay, advice on dealing with parents that aren't practicing for specifically fixed issues example hanging pictures in the house and parents find, and parent finds it extra.
dealing with parents that aren't practicing, okay, so it's communication, it's communication, communication, communication, you got to communicate a lot, okay? Make sure that you're talking to them about things. And remember, if you if you're, you know, young and you're living in your parents house, and you don't have that space to tailor for yourself, and tailor your room, your living space in a put in a way that is halal and permissible. Okay. But then just talking to them, you know, talk to them a lot.
Find the extra about maybe being in permissible affection, okay, so yeah, again, it's just communication, but also don't force it upon them have respect as well. They are your parents. And remember, at the end of the day, even though our parents are our parents, they're human beings. And if they make mistakes, we are not to follow through and make those same mistakes, right.
Parents don't want to see their children making mistakes and things that are wrong, but also sometimes children are wiser in certain ways. As in they were more educated in certain ways, and they can help their parents by showing them a good example. Actions speak louder than words sometimes. So communicate, but also make sure that you are not going to harm them in your speech or be forceful upon them in ways that are going to
going to be sinful for you. Are you planning to visit us in the London Muslim mosque anytime soon. For example, Friday
Long Island Allah knows best I have not communicated anything with London Muslim mosque yet about a future or upcoming gem Africa
alright so that's it for today inshallah to Allah does not come a level head on. We've gone on for more than an hour about a global fee come mail lesson subhanho wa Taala bless all of you and allow this snow to be a positive good thing for every single one of us. May Allah subhanho wa Taala keep all of us safe and protected always.
Is our people from Mississauga coming to Milton for fudge? Oh, Allah I don't know. But I don't think anyone is really going anywhere. Far tomorrow morning in particular because of the snow on the streets. So May Allah subhana wa Tada, bless all of you keep you all safe, and protect every single one of us in our family members. And grant is the best
of this life. And if you're after, I mean, I see a question that just came in now
durian ice cream.
durian is nice, but anything made from durian is just May Allah help us?
In the bedroom circumstances aren't private
enough for intimacy. Oh, sorry, if the bedroom circumstances aren't private enough for intimacy because of living with in laws? Isn't it awkward to keep booking nights out at hotel rooms regularly? Anything you suggest? Yes, stop wasting your money on hotel rooms, if the house is not. So then pick and choose times when people are awake. This is why it's hard living with family, right? Like imagine you just the wall a
few inches between you and your parents and you know, you're being intimate, you need to be quiet. You need to
muffle it, you know, you need to be gentler, I don't know,
slower, whatever it is, you know, just also time it you know, find different places in the home maybe, right if there's a basement, right, go down there. quietly, privately. You know, make sure that the doors closed. Booking hotel rooms over and over for a couple who's married some had a lot is very, very difficult living in a joint family. I don't know. Unless I was blessed with lots and lots of money then you should just move out and have your own place. Right.
So yeah, those are things you know that you should consider mailbox from Hannah was gonna help you in that situation. It's not easy. You know, another thing that's very embarrassing is living in a joint family and you're intimate with your spouse in the middle of the middle of the night. And then you wake up and you're taking a shower or you're taking a shower in the middle of the night like two o'clock in the morning. You're taking a shower, you're crazy. Like what are you doing taking a shower in the middle of the night?
Oh, no. Just Married.
I don't know.
Let's do a tick tock on this one.
What are you doing waking up in the middle of the night taking a shower? What's wrong with you? Bill? kofod me right and you're like,
Baba, I'm married. Like what do you think I'm doing in the middle of the night taking a shower.
Now my hope is all I mean.
Okay, that's it. We'll see you all soon. inshallah.
Does that come along? Hayden said no more any come What happened to ya.