Return of the Alpha, Modern Muslim Male Masculinity

Abdullah Oduro


Channel: Abdullah Oduro

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Select Rahim and hamdulillah head over to Alameen Salah was sending robotic I let him in and Mohammed why that Allah he will suck be as remain rubbish and he assaulted me well yesterday somebody was to look at the terminally Sani Babu bony anatomy hamdulillah it's good to be back here. I think the last time I was here was plus seven years ago.

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I'm usually I'm from Southwest Houston. I became a Muslim in southwest Houston and mashallah Tabata cola. I think when this Masjid was founded on July it was just the masala was I think the women's will Salah was the men's masala This is the first time I've been here is like green pastures and hamdulillah thank Allah subhanaw taala for bringing back here and I think mashallah the brothers and sisters that were consistent and establishing and maintaining this masjid, I have to think shiftwave The Sunni Shia people Rahim was laying mashallah May Allah bless them and everyone else that has come and supported this project of his house of Allah subhanho wa Taala being that in this area was

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we know it was needed and still is needed. And I still say

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I've been around the US and in the US I have not seen

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Okay. And us I have not seen a masjid that is as functional as this one Mashallah. So they took me take the mashallah it's remember when it was built, mashallah you walk into the left, there's the center where you can relax with the kitchen, they sell the kitchen and the play policy in the back there are the kids who live their dreams, Michelle and the play palace. Hamblen on the right children will sell a very functional and that's what I really really love about this Masjid 100 naira. Did they have a gym yet? They didn't go to gym money. Okay, I don't know what to say. Well, that what? I'm gonna love me.

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No gym and need a gym? Who has a camera check when you Jim this documentary, Isha. lallana. Lifetime has Hamdulillah?

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No, no.

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But I saw the title, I think they had word alpha. And it's like meet the alpha or something like this. Do love it. I mean, what I want to do in Sharla, this is going to be very interactive, I really want to talk about this topic. It is very, very important. I have to say myself, I saw it creeping in about five to six years ago, this issue of masculinity, the effects of feminism upon masculinity, anything that a masculine saying the male, I think this is very, very a very, very important topic. And I've taken upon myself to really do a lot of research and reading and, and asking questions to men and women young and old about this particular issue. What we see nowadays is

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Gender Wars, we see that there are men that do not want to get married. And there are sisters that do not want to get married. I have consistently heard from sisters, young professionals and even younger girls

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that asking you the question, Where are the real men.

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And then I've heard men saying, women don't know what they want, or women are acting like the modern woman.

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You see that women want to go to college, to have something on the back burner just in case it doesn't work out.

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You see men say that I do not want a woman that is educated. Because if she is educated, it has an indirect or direct threat to my position as a leader in the household. You see the word leader man being a leader is something that we as Muslims, unfortunately think is a demeaning indirectly demeaning term to the woman to the wife to the mother

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to the Gladion as a process and in terms of the gentle vessels, we see the word housewife is something that is a demeaning term, when we as Muslims should own this term and know that is a term that is a lofty term because what it entails and what

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the connotation behind it. So what I want to do is I want us to take a journey behind this particular issue of gender, this word of Alpha

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Sigma simp all these terms some of you fathers don't know what I'm talking about mothers don't know what I'm talking about with the young ones know what I'm talking about. You see guys right now they want to raise up the girl have I got a risk game?

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For those of you that are older raise comes from Charisma. So when they talk about talking to a girl you see on YouTube, a lot of these individuals go on YouTube, and they're the res king or they're raising up a girl they're basically talking to her you Aki so ha

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there it's

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Talking to her to get with her without any intention of marriage. And you know what I mean? It comes from Charisma. This is a term that they use now, it's important that we as Muslims understand what are the foundational principles and intention behind the male and female? The intention of our presence. So I think I want to I want to start with a very important principle for us. Firstly, that Allah subhanho wa Taala in the Quran mentions our purpose. He says, if there are other benevolence, you're gonna cheat when mal Holika to agenda will insert in

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the boardroom, I have not created men and the jinn or the spirits, except that they worship Me. How many of you are familiar with the red pill movement? Raise your hand.

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Wow, raise your hand, bro. I know there's other brothers in the know red pill movement. Red Pill?

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Sister side red pill? No.

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Michelle, this is good, I guess.

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Well, the red pill is a type of philosophy and dare we say it's a movement of we find of men, particularly younger men. And you will find older men as well. It's a philosophy that comes from the movie of the matrix with Keanu Reeves. We prefer the movie The Matrix?

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Yes. Yes. What happens when he took the red pill?

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He saw the reality of things. The red pill movement is a direct antagonist for feminism. You will find people that are in the red pill movement, there are famous names that we will probably be asked in the questions.

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Of these certain people that have red pill tendencies from their tenants of the first of their tenants is that a man it's a male male excellence movement, they will say that man must find his purpose.

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Mean meaning that he must master a skill, he must learn himself to be the best version of himself. He should not make the goal of his life a woman or women, the women will follow. He should learn about himself and be the best version of himself by getting in the hustle culture hustling, making a lot of money to where he will be a magnet,

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you will find another one of their tenants is to be a person Subhanallah one of them. There was Rollo Tomassi has a book called The rational male. Some of them say he's the Godfather and his red pill moment. One of the things that one of the things that he says is to get a vasectomy

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to basically you you don't you're not able to have children. And then when you get older and have children reverse it, which is a small probable opportunity for you to be able to reverse, basically. But the reason he says that is because it's important for you to what he says spin your plates, spinning your plates as going out on dates, getting with girls finding out what they're about to find out who the right woman will be for you in the future. But for now, your early 20s going on dates, meet women.

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You know, this is what we see from the red pill movement. And it is without a doubt affecting our young Muslim men.

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You will find on the flip side that there were women will say okay, the most important thing is my career.

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That's the most important thing. And the family Tebah and

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the family if it comes it comes if it doesn't, it doesn't.

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When it comes to getting married, there's too much at risk. You will find men say this now young professionals also get out of college, my friend got a divorce. And he's paying alimony until pmsf.

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And he's paying child support and the mother won't let him see him more. Let me see the children, you will find another group called MIG tau MGT O W which means men going their own way. This is a group of a lot of frustrated males that have gotten divorced

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for wrong or right reasons. And they're very frustrated with the women to where they say they will never get married again. And they will just be with them. And that's it. They're gonna live single the rest of their lives mentioning this amongst other movements, brothers and sisters to know that it is affecting our young men. It is affecting our divorced men. And I think it's important that we understand what true masculinity is how many are familiar with this term toxic masculinity.

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Toxic masculinity. This was actually a term that was coined by the American side

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psychological sources Association

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and some would mention that this was a term that was to show that men are inherently toxic.

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What does that mean? Who gets into what that means for the brothers and sisters side

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that men are inherently toxic, what does that mean?

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that can be characteristic of well what is it and what does it mean?

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Either the power sorry

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and even the kind of night the idea was coming

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the idea is coming from society, no matter what the meaning of toxic masculinity

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they want it and

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they want to control the good one that be deleted then follow it like that.

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That will be an example of those that believe the meaning of toxic masculinity

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what is the meaning of toxic I actually said it what is the meaning of toxic masculinity

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a man is trying to varsity overly masculine

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that could be the reality of toxic masculinity. But when we see the term itself, it is basically saying that men are inherently naturally you're a man, you're toxic. You're a dog, whatever, it's our men are dogs. You never know that's a term used to be said before. I know you have never heard it. Here at Clear Lake Islamic Center. This is Safi, Michelle,

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mean that you're a man you are inherently toxic.

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That you are not productive for society that you want to you want to downplay the woman, the woman is a second class citizen. She's an avid and you believe in a pure patriarchal, oppressive tyrannical system in your home and in the world.

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That is what is meant by toxic masculinity. Now, this term started to be coined by feminists when they would say okay, no need for men with supermarkets

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and police officers who needs men.

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What does that mean? That's that statement, as you hear with supermarkets and police officers who needs men? What does that mean can tell me

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now the men they don't have to go get per poo. You have supermarkets using the accessible and now we now police officers protect us I believe. So I don't need a man to protect, you will find this within them in mentality as some of our Muslim sisters as well.

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So in talking about this first aspect of purpose is important to know that Allah created us to worship him.

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He created us to worship him. This is important for the young man and the woman. But being a this is a topic of masculinity, which is indirectly speaking to femininity as well. Sometimes we have a talk on masculinity, we think it's not talking to the females as well. It's indirectly speaking to the females as well.

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So when Allah says I'm not creating you except pray that jinn and spirits except to worship meet mankind and jinn except to worship Me, our ultimate meaning of life is to worship Allah. There is a book called The Man's Search for Meaning. Have you ever heard of this book, Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl? He was a psychologist of the past and he was he lived in the concentration camps. And he saw that many people were suicidal. Many people were they get they were nihilistic. They gave up on life because they're in concentration camps. But when they lost, what they valued, or what they saw life was from the belongings. They felt that life had no meaning there was nothing worth

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life wasn't worth it nihilistic, what is there's no purpose. So Viktor Frankl is saying it's important for a man to find meaning in his life. Something that fulfills him.

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I remember there was a shift he said I love to teach elementary school.

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He said the reason I love to teach an element share the reason he loves to teach in elementary school, because he wants to be the first one to introduce the to us to the Prophet of the Prophet SAW Selim to these Utah when they grew up who received the adjure

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he finds meaning in that

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so there's meaning in life that which gives you fulfillment, but the meaning of life is to use that which gives you fulfillment with the intention to what

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to what? So this is how the interactive Mazola

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to please Allah.

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So the job that you have now

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If you find fulfilment of the job, it makes you happy.

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If we were to look at it from a non religious perspective, when we feel that this is the purpose of life, but as a Muslim, our purpose of life is to do that as a means of worshipping Allah.

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When we get married, it should be marrying a person that helps us make a better out.

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A better worshipper of Allah, not only emotion, not only how she looks, how he looks, not only well he takes care of me.

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He takes care of me but he's abusive, verbally abusive, physically abusive, toxically masculine.

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If there is no ultimate transcendent purpose, it is awesome. It is deficient, but with the Muslim, it is a transcendent purpose.

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That's the first and most important thing when talking about masculinity particularly and I will say and I will explain why.

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When understanding this masculinity, it is important to know that all the first thing is that everything that we do is to show gratitude to Allah subhanho wa taala. And the only way that one can strengthen that type of relationship is to know His names and attributes and how they're manifests in my life.

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Right now with what is happening with our brothers and sisters in the plaza.

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With what is happening to our brothers and sisters in Sudan,

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in China, the Uighur Muslims in Rohingya

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right? Are in Yemen all around the world. Did Allah subhanaw taala well for this to happen

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that Allah Subhana Allah

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that Allah subhanho wa Taala will for this to happen. I gotta hear this with full year Kenyan. Did Allah subhanaw taala wait for this to happen? Does it make sense?

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Does it make sense?

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Those that said yes. Of 2018

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Those that said Yes. Explain why. Who said yes. Raise your hand if you said yes. Yes.

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It makes sense because it's a test.

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Okay, that's server. Those who said no for the sister side or didn't say anything.

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Everyone said yes. On the side.

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No, okay.

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Who said no on this side?

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It makes sense as he said it because it's a test from Allah subhanho wa taala. To test us to test what?

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To test our patience to test our patience with this predestination. When we know the name Al Qadir is able to do all things. His ability is beyond our understanding. Why he did it his hikma al Hakim, it's the appropriation of his knowledge.

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It mache and photography, and when done well, and if for some other. He did something, and he allowed something to happen. And we don't ultimately know why at this time with this person and this place. This time in history. We don't know why. But we trust and Allah, we trust in Him. And we believe in Him. We believe him. And we believe in Him. We believe him because we believe

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in it. And this is not easy. I'm not saying that we don't sit here and I say sometimes you're like man, Why did Allah allow this? You look on your phone Come on let we're human beings, you look on your phone.

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You're challenged at times.

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You're challenged.

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I don't know why Allah allow this to happen. But this is the test has to be Allah. Which

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literally means Allah is enough for me and he's the ultimate one that I trust in.

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So the name unmute talkin all of these names and we understand these names and how they are manifest in our lives. That increases our relationship. I trust the fact that Allah you're ready for this one guys and girls

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that Allah will provide for me a husband I thought he was the one Masha Allah.

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But Allah didn't want it to happen.

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I could have sworn she was the one. I mean, mismatch has a higher ad.

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Mismatch aid as a great name.

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Turns out,

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didn't work out.

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At that point, there's trust in Allah subhana wa Donna. That's the first thing that it is important to understand true

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masculinity is the one that ultimately believes in someone greater than Him that is a creative the heavens in the earth. And my masculinity is founded in that. The next thing is that Allah subhanho wa Taala has given us a fitrah.

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The fitrah hook, it's a motif it tries,

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the natural inclination. So what is the natural characteristics that Allah has given us as far as I'm not sure and mentions, and the chapter 30 Verse 30. Remember this chapter 30 Verse 30, this is the verse that speaks about the Phitsanulok.

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When Allah subhanaw taala says so established her face to Allah, subhanaw taala Hanifa and on the straight path, fifth Torah to Allah and Letty fotball on NASA eylea, the fitrah of Allah that He has created mankind upon he uses the same three litre for folk on NAS, a Chanukah home, created them upon then he says something here which is a proof of binary genders. Let's EBIT de la, new hulky Lehi, there is no replacement for the creation of Allah.

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Any uses here as we say La Ilaha. There's a photo at the end of the now to show that there is nothing like it. So it says there was no type of replacements for the creation of Allah subhanho wa taala. If he is created two genders, there are only how many?

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How many? Two?

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This is the upright way of thinking and belief that he could Dino beam. This is the upright way. But guess what's lacking? What?

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Extra NAS layer on the moon right now. Subhanallah in some states. If you were to prohibit a man that thinks he is a woman

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from going inside the woman's bathroom,

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you can be punished.

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Well lie I saw a video this woman was standing blocking the door and behind her was a small daughter.

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a man with a beard will lie with a beard and a blonde wig. He was black with a beard and a blonde wig. It's like Bro, that's not your hair. You know?

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Can we come home man? He's over there trying to get in the bathroom. She's like over my dead body. You ain't coming in here. And he's like, he starts to get violent. And he's huge. And she's smaller daughters even smaller, like Yanni, Ash havean. Any magic Monica? Like what is with you, man?

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Or yeah, man. I mean,

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it was sad to see what lion the lion man, it was sad to see you see that the world has come to this extra Ness, layer lemon. And we see this ultimately come from the sexual revolution, which I highly implore all of y'all to look at the sexual revolution and the introduction of the birth control pill. This is what brought a whole understanding and type of mentality as well. So that's the second thing is that Allah subhanho wa Taala created us on the fitrah and Allah speaks to the fitrah. With this, Allah has given the female characteristics and has given the male certain characteristics. It does not mean this is important for us to remember, it does not mean that there is no overlap of our

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characteristics. Our biology, there is an overlap. But there is also a distinction as well. This *ty Allah subhanho wa Taala in the Quran, and the Sunnah of the prophets of Allah Azza wa salam, the standard A rulings is that it is universal for men and women, unless there is an exception and speaking to the women, unless there was an exception and speaking to the men, because when a law speaks to the women, he's indirectly speaking to the will, to the men.

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This is important. So when Allah subhana, Allah speaks about the fitrah it's important for us to know this is the second pillar that Allah speaks to the fitrah in order to align it and refine it, to align it and refine it. The men in sha Allah,

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when they reach the level of puberty will start to think differently. He'll start to think about girls, he'll start to think about women.

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Naturally, it's in his biology, Allah will create generally, Allah will create something within them to where they are able to reproduce. Allah subhanho wa Taala says in the chapter for

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at the beginning of the chapter when speaking about the orphans

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because in Islam an orphan is the individual that his father dies before he reaches the age or she reaches the age of puberty. So if there is someone that is of that situation they are a team like the prophets of Allah who I know he was.

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Allah gives us the guidelines and how to deal with their belongings and their money that was left for them. Allah subhana wa Taala tells you to test them with their money. What better Lulea time

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where the her father near Hatta?

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Isabella who Nika? Allah says here and test the orphans until they reach Nika. What is in the cache mean? in English?

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Marriage, so Allah is saying test the orphans until they reach marriage.

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Exactly. Hi, Camilla. marriageable age, which means until they reach marriageable age and then Allah gives another condition for an anus to min rush done for the Pharaoh really unwell. When you see and observe anus to mean wounds Oosa like your social with them, you're interacting with them with their money, I give you five go buy this for $3 How much would you get back? $2 Good, okay. Me and this woman whom rushed that they have their own independent guidance further than give them their money, which is showing that the age and timeframe of puberty Allah is preparing you to get What?

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Married, not saying immediately, but conditioning you to where you will start to prepare yourself for marriage.

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Biologically, Allah is preparing the men and the women differently. There is a hormone that is predominant in men. What's the hormone who could tell me men?

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And what's the hormone predominant in the women?

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Do men have estrogen? Yes, but not as much as

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and the and vice versa. Women have testosterone but not as much as men. Naturally within the pelvis, the pelvic area, the hip area, naturally women, it's a little wider than men to prepare them for what's

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childbirth, beyond our control. Subhan and Hornak. Allah is preparing you, biologically. But what happens is soul shields socially, men need to be prepared and taught how to be men. Boys need to be taught how to be men. Evolutionary studies show that women naturally girls naturally morph into women.

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When puberty it's they naturally have women tendencies, tendencies of a woman of a mature woman, men.

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Is that I was that's what I did. I knew I was gonna hear some laughing on the side.

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I knew I was gonna hear some laughing on the side. But hamdulillah laugh please, this is good.

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Men left. I want you all to look up this term especially. I hope the mothers don't type it the fathers need to type it rites of passage how many promote this term?

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You need to look are i t e s of passage as a very good book as numerous books as a very good book called manhood in the making. Last Name Gilmore.

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He is an anthropologist that talks about rites of passage throughout history. Rites of Passage is basically what are the events or situations that take place in a young man's life? To kill the boy and bring life to the man?

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You see in the Jewish religion, they have the bar mitzvah. It says you're an adult now. And Islam I wanted to address the research okay. What are the events that say you're an adult? Now? The scholars gave certain parameters or signs of puberty? Because at puberty, what is it upon the man when he reaches puberty? What is it what is upon him?

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Pray you know, my kids, even my younger kids, when they reach puberty, when it's Fajr time, if they don't wake up, all I have to do is do this.

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If I'm like Ibrahim, Ibrahim is

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He already knows what time it is. He already knows when he hears that water. He knows he only has about 10 seconds because I'm about to open that joint and I'm about to just go straight is going to be straight Niagara Falls on his face.

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Hey I'm playing. This is Fajr brother. I didn't tell you to stay up late night and eat Takis and play fortnight and sports cry I didn't tell you that

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So rites of passage are basically some of those events that take place that kill the boy and bring light to the men. You will see within the West African culture they'll have certain brands on their on their on their face like mama that is one it is to show okay this is a ceremony that is showing that you are not a boy anymore you are a man you will have to go and defend your area for any intruders some cultures at the age of 13 they have to go out and kill an antelope bring the the head of the antelope back if you do that you transition to a man if not go back to mama.

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there are some cultures that they have to sit in the bed of fire ants and they can't scream.

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And if they come out and they don't scream

00:30:57--> 00:31:02

that foot the manner and the ruler it literally Jan we're in the Hullick my mama

00:31:04--> 00:31:20

what a guy go back to mama. You're not ready and it's okay. Even a Marathi Allahu Anhu he wanted to go and fight with the Prophet SAW Selim at the age of 14. The Prophet saw some turned into it, you know what, what if I'm gonna say, I'm EULA.

00:31:21--> 00:31:28

He turned around crying Gemma crying, crying, then he couldn't go and fight. 14

00:31:31--> 00:31:39

next year came back at the age of 15, he was allowed to go and fight scholars say at the age of 15. This is a strong sign of the age of puberty. For the men.

00:31:40--> 00:31:57

This is what we call rites of passage, which could be considered a rites of passage. Getting your first car could be a sort of a smaller rites of passage, getting your first job, getting married. These are all rites of passage, because it's training you to be a man, you're going to have to do this when you get older.

00:31:59--> 00:32:02

Winning how many levels on a video game is not a rites of passage.

00:32:04--> 00:32:44

Not to say that at all haram but just to say that it's not conditioning you to transition into being more of a man more responsible, this is important. So when Allah subhanho wa Taala speaks in the Quran and the Sunnah, he's speaking to the fitrah. That's why it's important for us to know that the rulings that come down are important for us to understand that he's speaking to our unadulterated pure male self and unadulterated pure female self. Whenever we find a problem with a ruling in Islam, we must review our closeness to Allah subhanho wa Taala and our allegiance with the deen that's every single one of us not sitting here saying that I'm an angel even though this light is

00:32:44--> 00:32:46

really shining bright on my face.

00:32:48--> 00:33:16

But it's important for us to know that we should always resort to that which nourishes the fitrah literally the word *ty Yeah, means a place of water a watch her whole. So the beauty of the Arabic language, this Shetty is there to nourish the fitrah when one walks away, runs away from the Shinya. Their fitrah naturally has to clean to some one or something, make no mistake.

00:33:18--> 00:33:19


00:33:20--> 00:33:23

That's why we're called insan because we are social creatures.

00:33:25--> 00:33:36

So secondly, understanding that the fitrah is what Allah has created us upon, and we must nourish it. So when we talk about masculinity, I want to establish these points in the beginning. It's very, very important

00:33:37--> 00:33:39

when talking about this particular issue,

00:33:41--> 00:33:45

a loss of kinda what Donna says in the Quran, and this verse seems to be controversial.

00:33:48--> 00:33:55

When Allah subhanho wa Taala says of Darwin learnership donor gene chapter four verse 34. Attorney jardel

00:33:56--> 00:33:57

only heard the man said

00:34:00--> 00:34:01

reach allo

00:34:02--> 00:34:04

Well, let me hear the sister said Henry Zhao Lu.

00:34:06--> 00:34:09

Go Well, Munna Island Nisa.

00:34:10--> 00:34:17

Okay, the ayah Allah subhanho wa Taala says that the men are the what are the translation

00:34:21--> 00:34:23

maintainers What's another word?

00:34:25--> 00:34:28

Stronger I didn't say that he was was the raise your hand you said

00:34:35--> 00:34:36

let's go wham in buying

00:34:40--> 00:34:51

that had it. Go ahead. Let's go. Are we talking karma? Karma? Yeah, cool. Mocha and yeah, cool movie Moscone. It's a nice up. You're cool Murphy Hijazi him.

00:34:52--> 00:34:59

A nice little half of it in for go wham on can mean the protector the provider

00:35:00--> 00:35:08

Write responsible party this does not exceed this where we have to review. This does not mean that the woman is a child.

00:35:09--> 00:35:14

It does not mean that the woman met out of shape that she doesn't know anything.

00:35:15--> 00:35:21

It does not mean that she's of a lesser degree or lesser than a man in totality lab

00:35:22--> 00:35:29

it is showing something very important when we look at the word Rajan, how many of us understand Arabic here

00:35:33--> 00:35:33


00:35:36--> 00:35:47

We look at the word Raju and this is very important for us to understand. So, we see it Raju Motoko and mythopoetic roof it's combined by three letters. What are the three letters

00:35:50--> 00:35:53

are all Jean lamb what

00:35:54--> 00:35:59

noun or thing in the Arabic language has these three letters? What

00:36:00--> 00:36:03

was Rajat what is it in English?

00:36:06--> 00:36:20

Legs are the mistreat right? So, we say that religion is the whole leg from the hip to the foot. The foot can be included as well. Right? So leg a man is called what's

00:36:23--> 00:36:24

what's a man in Arabic

00:36:26--> 00:36:26


00:36:28--> 00:36:47

Arabic language is intentional. It is historic. It is a rich language. Behind the Arabic language behind the letter. Some scholar Moscato has mentioned letters nouns come from verbs. So Raju has a story behind it Rajala what is that? What's the connection between leg and a man

00:36:51--> 00:36:52


00:36:53--> 00:36:54


00:36:55--> 00:36:57

okay to move.

00:36:58--> 00:36:59

What else?

00:37:02--> 00:37:04

What does a leg do for the body

00:37:05--> 00:37:06

supports the body.

00:37:07--> 00:37:09

The man is expected to

00:37:10--> 00:37:12

support the family.

00:37:13--> 00:37:21

What else does the leg do if I want to walk this way? I want to move this way can I move my head and I'll be able to proceed my hands.

00:37:22--> 00:37:30

My leg has to What? What? Lead brothers and we should never be ashamed to say the man is the leader of the household.

00:37:32--> 00:37:40

does not mean that the woman is a slave does not mean that the woman doesn't have a say the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would consult

00:37:42--> 00:37:43

he would speak to his wives.

00:37:45--> 00:38:01

It's important for us as Muslims to understand and to own these terminologies and not let Western ideology or feminist or toxic masculine ideologies affect the meaning of the shutter of this video. So when Allah subhanho wa Taala says Attorney General,

00:38:02--> 00:38:08

you will find that men will always want to go to Cohen and Cohen was quoted that it's Kennedy.

00:38:10--> 00:38:12

She uses the source.

00:38:13--> 00:38:16

Yellow quick to tell the white to the tone, be quiet, don't talk.

00:38:19--> 00:38:23

In Islam, you first have to be original in order to be poem.

00:38:25--> 00:38:37

You first have to be someone that has the intention and moves towards protecting and providing for your wife, for your children, for your mother for your younger sister, your older sister who you get on her nerves

00:38:39--> 00:38:46

to protect and provide for them to protect them and if you're the husband to provide for them as well.

00:38:47--> 00:38:50

That is what is expected in the word Raju.

00:38:52--> 00:38:58

So there has to be an embodiment of arugula in order to be pa Emma Corwin.

00:39:00--> 00:39:16

This is important. So being the Roger means protect and provide mother's mother's mother's at the age of 12 1011. The boys do not make his bed.

00:39:17--> 00:39:37

Okay. He should be making his own bed when he gets up, walk in his room. His room is not clean. He cannot go out and play basketball but until his room is clean. This teaches him responsibility. Brothers as well older if you want to get married to a sister, don't immediately rush toward the app.

00:39:40--> 00:39:50

I'm not saying the apps are haram but get in the habit of putting yourself in risky situations, risking getting rejected. This is what a man does.

00:39:52--> 00:39:55

I don't want to talk to her father bro. I'll just go on what's I'll just go on mismatch What?

00:39:57--> 00:39:59

No, I'm telling you right now the guy that's coming in

00:40:00--> 00:40:02

Mike is going to come and talk to my daughter, I'm going to grill them.

00:40:03--> 00:40:06

It's a no until it's a yes.

00:40:08--> 00:40:10

That's how it's supposed to be. Right.

00:40:11--> 00:40:14

But the man has a young man has to,

00:40:15--> 00:40:22

you know, have enough courage to go up to him say salam alaikum. I know I've seen in the messenger for a while. My name is Muhammad.

00:40:23--> 00:40:46

I was wondering if there is an opportunity for us to talk, inshallah we can get some coffee. He's like, bye. And it's mine. It's like history was shiny. What does he want? You tell him? You know, I go to school with your daughter, and I've been in this committee for a while. I just I'm interested in, you know, taking your daughter's hand in marriage? Is there an opportunity that we could just sit and talk? That's not easy. But guess what? It's not supposed to me?

00:40:48--> 00:40:49

Is she worth it?

00:40:51--> 00:41:11

That goes back to what are you looking for? When you look at a woman, the problem with the telephone, wealth of information brings a poverty of attention. You don't know how to focus when you're watching all of these people, all of these names. All of these names that you're that you're seeing that are not Muslim, and some of them just became Muslim.

00:41:12--> 00:41:27

They still may be propagating a lifestyle that may not be conducive to your level of lifestyle. To where when you think of a girl or a woman, you only Objectify. She's only an object. She's the means to the goal, that she's not the goal.

00:41:28--> 00:41:38

She's just another body. Because there's so much watching television, hearing what people that are not Muslim or not practicing Islam, say, and it will have an effect on you.

00:41:40--> 00:41:53

You don't look at a woman or a sister as someone that can help you be a better man. Someone that's there to inspire you. Someone that's there to to to honor you, to respect you

00:41:54--> 00:42:08

to be the mother of your children, which is one of the most honorable positions for the woman to be the mother of children. All of us inshallah were raised by mothers that had mercy for us. You know, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

00:42:10--> 00:42:49

He was sitting with his companions after a war. And then he saw a mother. We know that honey, she was looking racing looking for her child. When she found her baby, she came through baby she came and she breastfed her baby. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, would you see this woman body had to throw her child in the car to throw her child in the fire? They said, No, you're missing Ebola. He said Lulla, who are hobbled very bad, even have an ohm be what to do. He said Allah is more merciful to His servants than this woman with her child. But look, he gave this comparison because he knows the mercy of the mother is unlike any other.

00:42:51--> 00:43:00

When you get in an argument with your sister, or your wife, you're like, Man, she's emotional. Newsflash, she's supposed to be. That's

00:43:03--> 00:43:07

why she talks back when she's emotional. She's supposed to be meant.

00:43:08--> 00:43:16

That emotion that Allah has given her is the emotion that that that gives excellence in her nurturing.

00:43:18--> 00:43:22

That is what allows her nurturing to be rich, that emotion.

00:43:24--> 00:43:28

And the wise may say, well, Allah, He doesn't express himself. Well, sometimes he's supposed to be.

00:43:30--> 00:43:33

He's not emotionally intelligent. Give him give him some time.

00:43:35--> 00:43:45

Because with the man there's a level of we call propensity of intensity. He's intense at times. He's not into details a lot. He just wants to know the generalities we have

00:43:48--> 00:44:07

this is how Allah subhanho wa Taala has created us. So when we look at this verse out of Regina, oh, well, I'm gonna Island Nisa. It is that the man protects and provides and presides. And that is to lead like President to preside. You cannot properly preside unless you protect and provide.

00:44:08--> 00:44:27

So when you're at a young age moms, when you're teaching your children, you don't want them to get a job. You don't want them to go out into the real world. That is a problem. When you don't want your child to go into martial arts, to learn how to punch to learn how to fight to maybe get hit in the face of couple of times

00:44:28--> 00:44:44

to get beat up. When it comes black, bloody. Leave them alone. Don't rush to get the alcohol and the proximity, cuddly. Then figure a situation out. We as parents need to tell our young children figure it out. Don't do it for them all the time.

00:44:45--> 00:44:58

He needs to learn how to figure it out. How are you going to prepare him to be a man to be a leader? When he graduates College? He doesn't even know how to approach a father in law. He's afraid of rejection. He's always in his room on the computer.

00:45:00--> 00:45:02

And I mean, I mean

00:45:04--> 00:45:11

the all knowledgeable knows what's going on. And brothers when they interact with porn for example, he teaches them lack of responsibility.

00:45:12--> 00:45:36

Lack of responsibility. It objectifies women tour and their subconscious when they look at a beautiful, honorable Muslim sister that in this day and age is wearing hijab, or she's trying to be the best version of herself in a society that objectifies her. She's trying and you're going to play with her emotions. That is not a man.

00:45:38--> 00:46:04

That is not a man the province also asked the Companions, a total Baja than a Olmec. Would you like that to happen? And he went down the list. It's a long Hadith. Would you like this app to your mother? Would you like this app to your sister? Would you like this app to your auntie? Would you like this app, but to your daughter? You wouldn't like it to come to your door. So why would we speak to them in a way that would elicit an emotion and in our hearts has no intention for marriage? Because guess what? You ain't got no job.

00:46:07--> 00:46:09

How are you going to sit down and talk to a girl on?

00:46:10--> 00:46:18

What does that what does it uh, yeah, what is it whatever, Facebook, Twitch was a Twitch, Discord.

00:46:20--> 00:46:22

All these applications that

00:46:23--> 00:46:25

I don't know about? Some of them? I do.

00:46:27--> 00:46:58

You're going to have a conversation with her. And, you know, y'all love each other for the sake of Allah. I mean, what it's just going to get to a point to where emotions will get tied in, and it gets intimate. And that's where it can become problematic. A man, if he falls in this situation in the MSA or in college, or in high school, he has to know how to shut that down. The majority of the times it's going to be the brother the sister will be like, bro, I don't think this is the right thing. Like yeah, you're right.

00:46:59--> 00:47:02

When he texted a couple of days later, salaam aleikum.

00:47:03--> 00:47:04

Just checking on you, oh my god.

00:47:06--> 00:47:07

Back to where we were.

00:47:08--> 00:47:15

He has to know how to shut that down unless he is serious and if he's serious LD go.

00:47:16--> 00:47:23

But have a plan. When you step to our father in law. Don't go to the favelas say Wallahi. I have a couple of Hadith

00:47:24--> 00:47:24

for the mother

00:47:26--> 00:47:28

calling the beam so Lola even to get out of my house

00:47:30--> 00:47:31

with your book.

00:47:33--> 00:47:51

So protecting and providing is very, very important that you are in the process. When you are a teenager to have a maybe a job two or three days a week, learn how to interact with people learn how to get rejected, learn how to fail. Fail is an acronym for frequent attempts in learning.

00:47:52--> 00:47:54

It's a learning experience.

00:47:55--> 00:48:01

Lastly, I want to mention in regards to the gender interactions as well,

00:48:03--> 00:48:06

how last withdrawal is created as differently and it kind of ties into what I mentioned earlier.

00:48:08--> 00:48:29

Allah subhanaw taala revealed the verse regarding inheritance where he says that a portion of the verse lindbeck at mythical house on Thane, for the men is twice the amount or the man is the amount of two females and inheritance. So the son may receive twice the amount Mira see the amount of his two sisters to combined.

00:48:32--> 00:48:38

The men when this verse was revealed, they came to the province of Allah why they listen to Mr. O Messenger of Allah.

00:48:39--> 00:48:43

Just as we received the amount of two women let us receive double the reward.

00:48:45--> 00:48:47

The Sahaba yet didn't let that slide.

00:48:49--> 00:48:54

They came back to the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa salam and they said, O Messenger of Allah.

00:48:55--> 00:49:00

Check this out, all Messenger of Allah, just as we receive half

00:49:01--> 00:49:05

of what the men make, let us receive half of fish

00:49:10--> 00:49:22

let us receive half of the punishment, the toxic masculine person, what is he going to say here? Because he may say, his hell and we can see that they're feminists. These are Sahaba yet they came and spoke out.

00:49:23--> 00:49:24

The women spoke.

00:49:25--> 00:49:29

There's nothing wrong with that. And she wants her right she has a right to speak.

00:49:30--> 00:49:43

When this happened, Allah subhanaw taala revealed a foundational verse for his brothers and sisters. He said after all what led to Turman? No maphack Baba Well we'll be back welcome I love out

00:49:45--> 00:49:55

do not wish for what Allah has given you one over the other literary journey no see me make testable. Well in this

00:49:56--> 00:49:59

you know Cebu make test happen

00:50:01--> 00:50:35

Allah gives a foundation for men is there no CB prescribed amount. And for women is a prescribed amount Allah speaks to the Phitsanulok. When you know that it's important for us to understand even though this Nasim is an inheritance, it can be extendable to biological features. Allah has given women then they'll see and their anatomy and physiology Allah has given women they'll see and their emotion Allah has given women then they'll see in their compassion, just as he's given men Dental Sleep and their emotion men have emotions.

00:50:37--> 00:50:59

Miracle compassionate. But women and babies may be a little more predominant. For our four year old women are protectors. But the way she protect that four year old is going to be different than the way the man will protect that four year old when she becomes 14. The physical protection is going to rely more on the who

00:51:00--> 00:51:06

the father, when we're doubt when we're upstairs in the room. And then we hear

00:51:07--> 00:51:12

downstairs we hear whispering where somebody's trying to open the door, we hear the door pop open.

00:51:13--> 00:51:17

And then the man turns to the wife and says, are you gonna go check that out?

00:51:20--> 00:51:21

She looks at him and she says

00:51:22--> 00:51:27

I'll check it out. She goes and checks it out and guess what happens? She leaves the ring on the dresser.

00:51:28--> 00:51:30

She's out at five that she's gone.

00:51:32--> 00:51:50

Protect no SQL with that when you see that sometimes the women will complain that the men have this. Sometimes the men will complain that the women have so and so what does Allah say was ALLAH hat min fogli ask Allah for his virtue.

00:51:51--> 00:51:54

You trust the law what He has given you and you ask him for his virtue.

00:51:56--> 00:52:33

When understanding masculinity, brothers and sisters, it is important that we understand what masculinity is from the life of the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa Sunday, when one practices the Sunnah, there'll be masculine in sha Allah, every aspect of the Sunnah. And this is very, very important. Very, very important. You know, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam you know how many times I'll probably be asked it tonight, but when I mentioned there probably won't be as every time I you know, even last night go give a lecture, the brothers of the young guys come up to me, what do you think they asked me? How much you bench here?

00:52:34--> 00:52:35

How much do you bench

00:52:37--> 00:52:45

another misconception of masculinity is the physical characteristics. If you have big biceps and you're big and you talk like this,

00:52:47--> 00:52:48

and you walk a certain way.

00:52:49--> 00:52:51

You have a nice car.

00:52:52--> 00:52:53

smoke a cigar

00:52:56--> 00:53:09

that's a man's man. That is a problem. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam debunked that in numerous Hadith, the prophet Allah there was something he said. Les says should he do? Yes.

00:53:10--> 00:53:12

The Surah wife is Misra

00:53:13--> 00:53:28

and NEMA Sinead will levy Yemen Nico Neff, cielo and the lotto the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he said the harsh one the strong one is not the one that can wrestle. What is he debunking here?

00:53:29--> 00:53:31

What is he debunking here?

00:53:33--> 00:53:33

Who can tell me

00:53:35--> 00:53:36

a cure?

00:53:38--> 00:53:43

Yes, appearance. I like this both of these appearance and physical strength.

00:53:44--> 00:53:51

Because appearance, someone may wear the latest, I don't know Versace Armani suit,

00:53:52--> 00:54:00

you know, and he's looked at his demands man because he looks like he's rich. And if he's rich he can provide he must be a man.

00:54:02--> 00:54:02


00:54:04--> 00:54:12

and also physical string, someone that can bench 600 pounds. Someone that can squat 500 pounds,

00:54:13--> 00:54:16

can do a bicep curl up to 20.

00:54:17--> 00:54:21

Someone that can do that. That must be a man let.

00:54:23--> 00:54:42

It could be a sign of a good characteristic of manhood. Make no mistake, someone that has a six pack, and he did it natural. There's a level of discipline and discipline is an aspect of manhood. Make no mistake about that. You had to have good nutrition, good sleep. And particularly a six pack you had to have both of those things towards the level of discipline that doesn't come overnight.

00:54:43--> 00:54:59

And someone gets very fit. And there it takes a level of discipline, which is a characteristic of this of manhood. But that same person can be someone that is verbally abusing his wife, physically abusing her. That is not a man that's a coward. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said though

00:55:00--> 00:55:18

One that is harsh is not the one that can wrestle. Rather, the one that is harsh is the one that can control themselves in times of anger, two benefits here. First benefit is that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam acknowledged anger. Anger itself is not a bad thing.

00:55:21--> 00:55:25

It is from our Eman that we're angry when we see babies killed.

00:55:27--> 00:55:33

That we're angry when we speak up for justice. But we don't allow that anger to be displaced.

00:55:35--> 00:55:40

When we see the mom or the or the wife or the daughter, they're seeing the children kill.

00:55:41--> 00:55:45

And someone calls them they're like, What? Now the anger is displaced.

00:55:48--> 00:55:49

The anger is displaced.

00:55:50--> 00:56:03

For the men, it's important because if he is the strongest one in the house, he could be someone that can cause a lot of trauma. Men. It is not what you say it is how you

00:56:04--> 00:56:16

say it. Particularly with women. It is how you say it. How many times we said something and she's like it's three. What's wrong, nothing's wrong. Why do you have an attitude? What attitude that attitude?

00:56:17--> 00:56:19

Right there there that one?

00:56:21--> 00:56:27

The man has to stop and be humble and say you know what? Okay, all right. I wasn't angry. Now. I'm angry at

00:56:31--> 00:56:48

men brothers, I highly advise you on your way home from work. If you are stressed out at work, stop in your garage, sit in your garage with the AC for about 15 minutes. Recharge your family doesn't deserve that. They are not your leftovers. They're not leftovers for your emotions.

00:56:51--> 00:57:09

Go to a coffee shop, relax, regroup, give your family your all the province of Allahu Allah was setting them when he said it's the one that controls themselves in types of a in times of anger. They control their knifes. They control themselves.

00:57:10--> 00:57:38

The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam, it is not easy to control yourselves in times of anger, because anger is something that we all possess. But the way we implement it with our strength can be very detrimental to the people in our household, because we are generally stronger than the woman. And it doesn't mean the woman is weak and feeble. No, it means with our biology, Allah has naturally created a stronger does not mean that one is lesser than the other or less virtuous than the other.

00:57:39--> 00:58:21

So it's important for us to understand that this is no secret that Allah subhanho wa Taala has given us is very, very important to understand our differences. And when we manifest that which we as Muslims have, we truly understand that masculinity is something that starts inside, enter with knowing who Allah is. And we control ourselves, amongst many other characteristics that we'll have time to talk about. But those are the foundational principles that we want to hone in within ourselves to where we can be the best men that we can be. And I humbly believe, once males master the men within themselves, the world will be a better place,

00:58:22--> 00:58:33

the world would be a better place. Once a man, a husband, embodies that masculinity will lie and the woman will naturally want to follow him naturally,

00:58:34--> 00:58:51

naturally want to follow him. And if there can be clash to where she doesn't want to follow anyone. That may be a problem as well. But the man has to be strong enough to also know when to walk away. We only have two minutes. But isn't this another subject matter?

00:58:53--> 00:58:56

Also knowing to what when to walk away

00:58:57--> 00:59:02

is very important for the man as well. Because a man has integrity.

00:59:03--> 00:59:27

When their purpose is aligned with Allah, their integrity is that which aligns with the law and is not worshipping anyone or anything else is what allows what God says. That's when you come on welcome Allah Allah dogmatically let do not let your money nor your children divert you from the remembrance of Allah, Allah provided you with children. He provided you with Halal money, but don't let that steer your motivation.

00:59:28--> 00:59:32

Don't let that control you. Don't let a woman control you.

00:59:33--> 00:59:41

You serve you honor her. You respect her because she's the mother of your children. But you are not controlled by her.

00:59:42--> 00:59:50

You have control by Allah subhanho wa Taala and his message when they see that and I'll leave you with this story. There's a really good book Subhanallah the man talks about

00:59:52--> 00:59:59

a man going off to work. He's about to go off to work, right. He gets he's in his house. He's putting us out to artillery on

01:00:01--> 01:00:15

He leaves the woman is, you know, holding him. And the child is holding things holding the leg of the mother, they're crying. The minister with his artillery, he is going out for a much greater purpose, right? To defend his nation to defend whatever.

01:00:16--> 01:00:17

He walks out.

01:00:19--> 01:00:29

And he thinks my wife was, you know, she was crying, she was sad. He turns back around and says, You know what, I'm not gonna go fight, I will stay here. The woman will lose respect for him.

01:00:32--> 01:00:40

Not in not immediately, but there's a higher probability that she will lose respect for him because he sees that he's not fighting for something greater than himself.

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His purpose, if he's a leader, he's going this way. And you are coming with me.

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That's what a leader does.

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That's what a leader does. He has a mission. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam his mission was to call people to Allah subhana wa taala. Each and every single one of us as men have the opportunity to do that within our meaning in life, our professions where we find fulfillment, and having that ambition and drive, which women love to see within their husbands, their spouses, ambition and drive, going somewhere, always being consistent, being busy discipline, that's who they want to follow. That's who they want to protect them.

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And when we embody that brothers, that is when we will be those that master the man within ourselves, and will have a huge impact on society. Medical off he couldn't just talk and lucky for having me last with Allah bless you was salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.