A Psychology of Redemption & Repentance

Yahya Ibrahim

Channel: Yahya Ibrahim

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Salam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah sallallahu alayhi wa early he was happy he was sending him to Sleeman kathira a lot more suddenly was selling was it was very easy now Habibi. Now whenever you know Mohamed in Villa when he was only was selling music with Eric and let's say you do now whenever you know Mohamed in Philadelphia in a lot more salli wa sallim wa barik ala Sayidina Muhammad filmen illallah Muhammad Rahim. It is a great pleasure and hamdulillah to join in virtually all the way from across the world that come to LA from Perth, Western Australia with my dear brothers and sisters in Toronto, Canada. Mashallah the world

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renowned Abu hurayrah Islamic Center, may Allah subhanho wa Taala continue to favour its board and trustees and administrators and imams May Allah subhanho wa Taala lead them to that which is pleasing to Him and turn them away from that which is this uniting and taking of their strength and sapping of the amount of themselves in the community. May Allah subhanho wa Taala continue to use them for that which is higher and protect them from old shutter and all open and hidden and unseen danger. Allahumma imeem it is a wonderful initiative and hamdulillah that I've been contacted to support with raising awareness about pornography, its danger, and how in sha Allah, as a community,

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as families and also as individuals, that we are able to wage a battle against this sinful,

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destructive, mind altering, intoxicating behavior that has swept through different parts of the world growing up in Toronto, so I've had a lot there was pornography, then I'm not that old SubhanAllah. But to get it to to be able to access it meant that you'd have to go to a video store, get one of those big old VHS is and sit with it in your lounge room in your in your in your friend perception and put it in and watch it on a TV. But today's handle of the world is changed. It is estimated that people as young as 10 years old, as being the majority age when they are first exposed to pornographic images and videos and so on May Allah subhanaw taala protect our families,

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our homes, and our communities, among them. I mean, and I know you're going to hear a lot of this from my dear brother, my colleague, our brother wet and heavy, the hula, who's an expert in this discussion, he's written books, articles, and has led presentations on it, there was much benefit that can be taken from his discourse and discussion in this regard, in sha Allah. But you will hear much from all of the different panels and the different people who have been assembled. My contribution today is to speak about resistance, resilience and self love and to speak about a psychology of redemption, a psychology of change. And I wanted in Charlotte to speak about it, of

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course, from our sources, as Muslims as Muslims, we have no problem with the natural sciences, and the sciences that relate to human understanding and the conceptualization of how we work and how we think as human beings, the socializations that we establish, and how we react in different cognitive ways to the stresses that are around us. So I come to you from my office here at my school. I'm an assistant principal. And so Pamela, one of the modules I teach Islamic Studies, of course, it is my passion, and I will always be in the classroom and him did not irrespective of any administrative positions, but one of the main sections that I will have with the gentleman with the boys is to

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speak to them about pornography. And this actually is part of my online Islamic school. It's something you can access. Yeah, Ibrahim comm forward slash puberty and that Islamic school, it's, you know, courses that deal with how young people can be led to pleasing Allah subhanho wa Taala. And understanding the responsibility and one of the key factors for parents is a times we don't teach our children how to repent to Allah. We teach them how to cook and to clean and how to do the dishes and the chores and their homework and be successful in school. But one of the things that times that we fail at is how to fix a mistake, how to stop doing something that you know is wrong,

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you don't want to do you know, it's something that upsets you is something displeasing to Allah that you're afraid to be caught doing it. You know what something that's hard on me and I would do well, how do I stop what's what do I need as a frame of reference in my mind, how do I prepare myself to repent

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So I want to speak to parents and I want to speak to young people equally together. As parents, these should be things that you're able to teach in your children. These are things you should be able to raise in your children, this standard of how to become a better person and to regain balance after you've fallen off and done something you're displeased with. And one of the core things the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam taught our oma taught the young Sahaba was how to recover from error, how to recover from a mistake, and the psychology of redemption, and repentance. And I hope that this can be of great value in the light either. So I'm only going to limit my discussion to

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three points, okay, three points that I want you to pay attention to. And I want you to keep in your heart and I want you to pay particular care to the discussions in if you're able to take notes, please do so. So that you can return to it and more importantly, be able to teach it on to others. The first important point for a person to within themselves to grow the capacity

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to want to make a change after wrong to gain the ability to repent, to have redemption to become a better person after a fault and after having wrong themselves. londonwill enforcer whom is the first there has to be self confrontation, self examination, in our ob we speak to it, you know, in our Islamic psychological perspective in our Islamic cosmological perspective, how we understand it, it is called El Maha Sabha and muhabba is that you hold yourself accountable. Remember the Allahu anhu, he said has Cebu and pusaka and kubla and to hustle. take account of yourselves before Allah will take account of your meaning count your deeds before a love will count them with xenu have kubla and

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tos no and weigh yourself way your deeds out before a law will weigh you what the hell out of it. Prepare yourself for the day of becoming publicly shamed. Yo man took Lazzara when no scenes will ever be hidden from others on the Day of Judgment. And on the day that a lot exposes us May Allah protect us in this dunya self confrontation, self examination and will have sabbia holding yourself to account becomes the first step amongst other steps to be able to gain in your heart in your mind, the ability and the strength to repent and to redeem yourself from something you know you shouldn't be doing. Self confrontation of course, is going to require honesty. So Pamela, and the loss of

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Hannah Montana he tells us with air you can be wacky though, and the whole moolah he met now with four other Allah speaks to them which should have been at the time of the Prophet I tell them he would hear things from different people Allah would say, Listen, I'm gonna advise you to just sit with yourself for maybe one other person, don't it's not a public thing, just you within yourself, fill method perfect. Go then think about the issue about human size. In this case, think about who you are, what you want, what's held on what's hot on what's benefit, what isn't shameful from unchangeable? What are the things that are significant for you to deliberate on and to move forward

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in life with and think of a loss of Hannah Montana being the one who is observing of all things who will confront and will ask Allah subhana wa Taala says in the summer, when the buzzer went for add the hearing the sight and the movement of their heart couldn't do that. All of that and more canon who miss oola all of that they will be questioned about on the Day of Judgment, cellphone confrontation is that you examine yourself and take stock, say to yourself, Well, what benefits do I gain from viewing this? What sexual release maybe do I feel what lowering of tension and the you know, some kind of love The masturbation that is usually attached to it? What do I gain from it in

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those moments in those seconds that pass? And what do I have to lose? What are the things that are significant? What are the risks that I take and what are the things that need to be considered and you will overwhelmingly find as you will hear in many other described discussion, that there is so much more to lose so much more to affect your future so much for in your relationship with a lot so much more to be lost than there is in those moments to be gained.

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Self confrontation becomes an important aspect. And therefore I now I turn to our parents and I say if you are making your child, more fearful of you than the consequence between them and Allah, you are not doing them a service if you are making it about policing them, rather

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than teaching them to police themselves, you are not doing them any favors. If you have not set up learning patterns for yourself to learn how to manage your children, how to work cooperatively with weather with them, you are setting yourself up for failure. The prophets I send them he said for our young children saw that I boom, they said that for the first seven years of your child's life, play with them, that's it, teach them a bad and everything through play, it's just playing with them seven years old. So Misaki boohooman, is then be their friend for the next seven. Up until they're 14. It's about friendship and endure, you know?

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Right, you know, giving them the command.

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This is a tradition of our nebia solo and he was selling. And then after the seven once a 14, Maru, Maru, whom you know, be a command in their life, be a companion in their life, and, and be their their friend throughout until they advance into their adulthood and that they are fulfilling their obligations to Allah. Discipline does not mean that you are there to enforce when they have stepped away. Discipline is to teach them the boundaries that they monitor without you being present, that they have learned through the pattern that you have instilled in their life, through what they see in your actions in your behavior in your love. That this is what I want to do. Rather than I'm

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watching my father, once he turns from me, if my mother is not watching, I will do what I want. That's not discipline, that is the opposite of discipline. So self confrontation becomes very important for anyone to be able to return to Allah to return from any mistake, even if it's not a spiritual thing, they must first examine themselves, confront themselves and be convinced themselves that this is not what they want. The second step is then if they are convinced that this is something that I don't want to do, it's now about and that's the aim of this conference that we're speaking in. The second step is self regulation

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is self control, self behavior management, moderating my own actions, my own thoughts, my own behaviors, taking charge of who I am, why I am doing the things that I do, taking account of everything that I seek to have done. And that's another one of the points that I stress in particular, in my online Islamic school. In particular, in that puberty section, it's for, you know, eight, nine years old, up until 1314 years old, there's a program then that's run after it. For those who are 14 to 1819 years old, called sexual ethics in Islam, how to view sex, how do we view relationships? How do we view halal and haram? How do we contend about issues that relate to same

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sex attraction and sexuality and all of these kinds of things? It's an important important discussion that needs to be had all of that, you know, you can find it. Yeah, Abraham calm. But what's important is that we teach how to self regulate, you need to learn the tools, how do I self regulate? How do I regulate myself? How do I found a slot and will stuff him? How do I find that balanced way of life, the middle road where you are not excessive and where I'm not deficient, where I'm not extreme and where I'm not negligent, where I'm not using too much or not giving enough. All of that becomes very important in learning self control. And there are processes that don't relate

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to Islam that can teach you self control. In fact, I would deem a part of all of the acts of worship

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that you and I do, one of the key things that it seeking to teach you is self control and behavior modification. So think for example, CME it's because a lot ordered us but what is it teaching you it's teaching you that I can control myself that that cup of coffees of hand a lot, this beautiful cup of coffee, which you know, Mashallah, I'm craving at the moment, this cup of coffee Bismillah.

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In any other day, in the month of Ramadan, I won't touch it. Why? It doesn't matter. I mean, alone in my room, nobody can see me No one knows why. Because I regulate myself. I control myself. Why? Because I know Allah is there. That's a major thing that I've been taking that as a lesson, then you begin to self regulate other aspects in your life, your sauna. Whether I am conscious of a lot in my soda or not, how much Vicar Am I making my slowdown or not? What is the difference between the hypocrite installer and the one who is in hypocrite, when now you have Karuna la Illa Allah Allah said that in their prayer, they remember Allah seldom. So I begin to self regulate, no, I want to

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make their mention of Allah. I want to make my a bad over loss of energy and I want to hold myself accountable to Allah.

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meaningful way. had all of it is about self control. It's kind of like don't get angry color off or whatever so quite edgy dad don't argue no sexual anymore as sexual behavior control yourself in hedge whatever zeca panela nobody wants to give weight through now let unforeseen What else can they put others before them even though they might need you give sadaqa you give this guy Why? Because it's self control you learn no I can go without because the needs of others are important. The towhee the villa the Salah, if Hamas, Salah it's all about sub, it's time to love Vegeta now when Perth is 4am in the morning, I would love to sleep until seven. But I'm up at four the family's up

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at Why Why are you up at that time, the whole street is blacked out everybody's asleep except us Why? Because of self control, self regulation, knowing that I am accountable to Allah. So I confronted myself I'm going to be accountable to a lot I need to do something about it, what am I going to do naturally follows to begin to control and to moderate my behavior, manage how I approach what I see in life and what I encourage encounter in life. And that becomes an important thing for parents to teach self control, to teach, you know, self control and, and, and, and, and regulation becomes important. You you say to your children, for example, clean your room, they go to school,

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and then you clean it for them. There's no self control that they've taught there. There's no self regulation. There's no behavior management that they've just learned, you just taught them to do the opposite of what you're asking. So becomes very important for us as parents to learn how to teach self control. And I hope in law, that we can do more engagement with our dear brothers and I will hold on and teach some of those important techniques. There's a program that I teach about bad parenting and forgive me for using that word. So I love there's a lot of bad parents. There's a lot of parents who ruined good children. They had wonderful children and had it been that they learned

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how to be a better parent had they learned the sooner and they learn from the way the prototypes and and their children would not be in the difficult places they're in today. And this is a reality, male law protect us help. Lastly, self sacrifice. So Pamela, so confront yourself, okay, now I'm going to begin to control myself. Now, for me to achieve the first two I need to give for myself, I need to sacrifice for myself. And that's where Southern comes in helping others without expecting a return. Well, it's very, it's very rare today that you can walk in the street and somebody sees you needing help and they stop to help you. You see those incidents all the time in subways and trains

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and planes, where people are just, you know, in their phone me myself in an eye, they forgotten everybody else around them. Nobody wants to get involved. No one will help somebody in trouble. Why? Because they've lost the concept the importance of self sacrifice. self sacrifice is what allows you to redeem yourself. How do you make up for a mistake? Allah subhanho wa Taala tells you simply in the form of an

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inmail Hasina. You didn't say yet good deeds cancel out sinful behavior, cancel out the mistakes. When you do good good to others, Allah will send others to do good to you. When you help others a love will help you. When you cover the mistakes of others a lot covers your mistakes, when you are charitable with others, Allah him for finding on a common law span, you know, grant us his generosity upon myself in you.

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The prophets I send them said manacle some animals that never is charity depleted from wealth. Never is your time taken from you if you spent it towards the assistance of others. Never is your health wasted when you put it in lieu of the needs of others. So self sacrifice teaching our children you becoming as a young man as a young woman, learning the importance of giving from myself learn to know better you will never achieve righteousness had that don't fit on the metric and born until you get from the things you love them until you sacrifice. Why do you think girls who love so I sell them is such a powerful example of mine life in your life because he is the greatest person who

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showed sacrifice Allah subhanho wa Taala says in the outline that can cause a fall suddenly there have become one half give your slaughter give your sacrifice to a law. So the law it was said he was one who is willing to give to give to give to give until the people said this man gives as if he fears no poverty. This is also lost a little later on he was sending so keep from your time gift from your wealth gift from your son to protect your home and your children make for that? Why do we make poor bad when we have a boy a boy or a girl? Why do we have to sheep from the boy because boys are going to give you so much trouble you're asking Allah Oh Allah, I give this in charity. I give

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this to feed people to bring joy to others or love bring me joy with my son. He's going to be difficult later on in life. The daughter is mercy it's only one cheat the boys from handling

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double double the effort high. Our boys are double the effort. May Allah give us help with our young men. I have a series

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of talks. It's called The Art of Manliness, right? The Art of Manliness, it's about puberty and young men in particular.

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Not because it's mine, but I do recommend it for you. It is based on the curriculum that I teach here in Perth to my students. The Art of Manliness how to grow up as a fetta 50 to an airman are going to be young men who grew up in the relationship with a lot. You can see the link there, it's jabra.com for forward slash puberty, check it out. I asked you in chat a lot to take care of our young men take care of the young brothers, take care of their heart, take care of their body, and take care of their soul. May Allah subhanho wa Taala use you an eye for good. A lot of them. I mean, if you put the three things together, self confrontation, self regulation, and self sacrifice. What

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you build is in in your mind, the ability and the psychology of presence of mind to say, Yes, I can make a change, I want to change, I can do something about it. I'm convinced this isn't what I want to do. I've confronted myself, I know that I can control myself I know I have the skills and the desire and the will to do it. Number three, I'm going to commit myself not just for myself, but for the betterment of everybody around me. This is why we teach the Quran This is why we teach this into the prophets I send him he says handy to me whenever a Why does he tell you to teach even if it's just one word, because the one who helps others a lot helps him the one who opens a door for others

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Allah open 70 doors for them. The one who protects a believer Allah protects them right? So be involved in all three aspects it gives you then the strength to say I want to push away from pornography. I want to clean my eyes. I want to protect my heart. I want to remove the things that have already happened. And I want to replace them with good deeds Allah subhanho wa Taala says

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ilam and tabber were M and o Amina salia for Ola ek UVA de la la who say hi to those who believe a lemon tab those who repent what am and repent What is it examine themselves know what they did was wrong confront themselves prepare never to do this again develop self control and number three commit a layer then I'm never going to do this again. I'm going to help others against it Tada. And then believes in a love the leaves a love can heal them believe Allah will forgive them believes Allah has asked for better than what they have given. Why Milla side and lives good life self sacrificing for others, for all that you can even do love So yeah, a lot will change their evil

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deeds to good deeds Allah May Allah subhanho wa Taala change our mistakes in the past to positive righteous deeds into the future may Allah assist you and I and protect you and I and elevate all of us status Aloma I mean, well suddenly level moment psyllium was into abetik Allah He didn't want to be you know, Mohammed, some Allahu Allahu Allah early. He was like me was sending him to Sleeman kathira Well, through Darwin and in hamdulillah here on Bill alameen, wa sallahu wa alikum warahmatu warahmatullahi over my cat