Tim Humble – The Muslim Family #03 – Marriage

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			leeuw Alhambra lillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala Abdullah he was solely he Nabina
Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi edge mine Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh As always,
we begin with the praise of Allah. And by asking Allah to exalt dementia grant peace to our
messenger Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, to his family and his companions. This is another
episode, another part of this short course on the Muslim family brought to you by a madrasa, Allah
Maria. In the previous parts, and the previous episodes, we had spoken about the general
understanding of the family, the Muslim family, just from a general overview, and some of the IR
		

			which we can benefit from in that regard and some of the benefits we can take just looking at the
Muslim family as a whole. And now we shall allow to Allah we want to start being a little bit more
specific. And so we're going to begin where Allah subhanaw taala began a lot so he told us and
sorted out off in a number 189 who led Hala kakum mean Neff Singh, WA Haider, what Jimin has heard,
yes, schooner Illa. Allah azzawajal said, He is the one who created you from a single soul and made
and here the word Jalla means colorcore. He created he created from that soul from Adam alayhis
salam, his wife, Lee Yes, schooner Ella and we're going to come more to this in the next ayah Charla
		

			but in order for him to find peace, to find respite and tranquility and also to live alongside her
as I said, inshallah, to Allah will delay that till we get to the a and sort of room where we're
going to discuss it in a bit more detail. But here, what we wanted to establish is that Allah azza
wa jal began the Muslim family by creating for Adam alayhis salam, his wife her work, and those two
from them, as we've heard in the in the IRA, which we spoke about the very first IRA in sort of
Nisa,
		

			in which Eliza, which tells us what best Semin, Homer regional and Kathy are on when he sir, and
from those two came many men and many women. So Allah azza wa jal tells us that the Muslim family
began with Adam. And that's something which tells us the importance of the Muslim family in reality,
because it's something that began at the very beginning Allah subhanaw taala, right from the very
beginning of the creation of mankind, Allah subhanaw taala from his wisdom, and from his infinite
knowledge, Eliza gel created for Adam, his spouse, his wife, Hawa, and that was the beginning of the
Muslim family. And so that's where we're going to begin inshallah, to Allah, our detailed discussion
		

			on the Muslim family. After we've done that little overview, and that little kind of summary, we're
now going to go into the details, and we're going to look at specifically marriage in Islam. And
again, we're going to break down marriage into various lessons, various episodes or parts of the
course inshallah, so we're going to start with a general discussion on marriage, the goals of
marriage, the ruling of marriage in Islam, the purposes of marriage in Islam, and then we're going
to talk about the characteristics of the husband, the characteristics of the wife, and the nature of
marriage in Islam. So we're going to try to separate those, instead of just talking about like, a
		

			lot of the time you find these two put together, sort of, who should the husband be and what are his
rights and who should the wife be and what are her rights, I tried to separate it inshallah, to
Allah in the coming episodes on parts of this course in sha Allah saw that the issue is more we go
into more detail what are the characteristics you should find in the ideal Muslim husband? And what
are the characteristics you should find in the ideal Muslim wife and then look at the basis for this
marriage this contract that exists between them, what is it based upon what are the rights and the
expectations of each party, and we can go on from there and shout Allahu to Allah to look at some of
		

			the differences and, and also some of the issues that happen when things don't go right and then
inshallah to Allah onwards from that we can look at other parts of the Muslim family, talk about
children and so on. So today, inshallah Allah, what I want to do is to take the issue of marriage in
a very general way, look at some of the general ayat about marriage, and also look at some of its
wisdom, the purpose, the benefits, and the rules.
		

			willings a short long time. So we said that a lies that we shall began by creating Adam alayhis
salam, and creating for Adam, his wife, Howard. So what is this whole idea of marriage that we might
call an Arabic zoa? What is that even linguistically? Where does this even come from this word
zenwatch. So the word or the zine and Tao and the jeem xojo from which the word zenwatch comes
linguistically, it means l lt about what acteon it means two things being bound together and paired
up together. And that's why you know, ferdous Rahim Allah to Allah He said more hard on it will she
be she? He said this. And you know, even ofertas Rahim Allah to Allah one of the things you can take
		

			from his his margin match is lower his dictionary, which deals with the definition of Arabic words,
one of the very beautiful things is that he really summarizes it for you. And he really brings you
just one or two core sort of meanings for a particular word. And he said work hard on to shape the
shape for something to come along with to be paired up with to be alongside something else. So
linguistically, two things I particularly benefit from this. The first is that the ties between the
husband and wife have very, very strong ties. Even the word zenwatch indicates that the word
marriage indicates that and even in even in in English, when we use the word marriage, you can see
		

			if you're using outside just linguistically, you can say, to marry those two things up I to put them
together. And for them to be kind of
		

			bound to each other or tied up with each other. So that's one of the meanings of lt about what it
takes for them to be tied and bound to one another. And that could be talking about how heavy an
oath that marriage is and how serious it is in Islam also already chalok gonna speak about that
inshallah Allah the ayat, which talk about the weighty nature of marriage and a hadith that talks
about how serious marriage is. So it's something which leads to lt about a leads to the two things
being connected to one another, and tied to one another, and coming together with one another and
being paired up with one another. As for in the Sharia, that is usually defined, and there are some
		

			very, very different definitions that the scholars mentioned. But here we can perhaps just mentioned
one of them, that some of the scholars define marriage as actin up to Henley estimator, Cooley,
minella, predating bill, Alhaji mature, they said that it is an act, it is a contract. That's the
essence of what zenwatch isn't. And that's why we say later on in sha Allah, as we progress through
this course, we're gonna look at the nature of the contract. After we've looked at the nature of the
husband and the wife, and then look at the nature of the contract, it's an act. It's an agreement, a
contract. And this agreement is one that makes it permissible for the husband and the wife to be
		

			intimate with each other in the way that the Sharia has legislated. And that is, in a way it shows
you just how powerful the issue of marriage is. Because it wasn't allowed for those two to be
together prior to that act. They weren't allowed to be together. Of course, we don't have the whole
boyfriend and girlfriend and engagement and fiance type of things in the religion of Islam. They
weren't they were strangers to one another. They weren't allowed to be together. And then this Act
came in place this contract, this agreement that took place that made it permissible for them to be
able to be together to be a husband and wife, and to be intimate with one another in the way that
		

			the Sharia has legislated. So that's something which I think is it just sets the scene for what
marriage is in Islam and how serious and important this act this contract is, and that it brings two
people together that were complete strangers that were completely away from one another that didn't
have those ties with one another. And then this act, this contract brings them together. So I think
that's something which is profound and worth thinking about. Allies. So it just tells us in the
Quran, that marriage is an ayah from the ayat of allies origin. It's a sign from the signs of Allah
as origin. Allah subhanaw taala said women at he and Holla Holla comin and forsaken as
		

			Lita schooner, la ha, Allah, wa Jalla Bina como de tiempo Rama in fiza de calor, tingly, komiya
tuffa cone, Allah Subhana. Allah told us
		

			In surah, two Rome is number 21. And allies though just so we can understand this, where this ayah
comes in sort of Rome, Allah azza wa jal is telling us about the ayat or some of the ayat battled
with it. Some of the signs of allies
		

			and allies that which I mentioned prior to that, in the 20th is or to Rome, how allies or gel
created mankind, and then made mankind as a creation that was spread out all over the earth, and
that this is one of the signs of a lie, like we said, a lot. So Joel created Adam, and from the
signs of Allah. Now when we see the Ayat of Allah here, what are we what are we referring to? So
when we're referring to the Ayat of Allah here, and I, of course, we know that a lot of the time but
the word AI itself is a sign or a proof. And here, Allah azza wa jal tells us that marriage is an
ayah, from the Ayat of Allah. It is a sign and a proof from the signs and the proofs of a lie. So
		

			whichever, and we know that there are a atolla, which are komiya and podria, there are Ayat of
Allah, in what Allah azza wa jal created in what Allah is a gel decreed. There are signs of Allah
subhanaw taala, in that, and this comes many times in the court, unlike the statement of a lot. So
whichever one you emphasize, you can fly towards your own. In your own self, there are a lot there
are signs, there are proofs, even in your own self, if you would only if you only look. So here are
lies, he is telling us about marriage, and he says what mean it from the signs of Eliza which so
what is it a sign off? What is it an indication of or a proof of, it's a sign of the power of a lie
		

			soldier, the decree of Allah subhanaw taala the knowledge of Allah Subhana Allah, the wisdom that
exists in all of the things that lie decrees, this is a sign from the signs of Allah subhanaw taala
and it shows a loss of infinite power. It shows Allah's infinite wisdom. And it shows the knowledge
that Allah azzawajal has of his creation that Allah Subhana Allah created his creation and created
for them, this institution of marriage, women AR T and Hala lakum that Allah created for you, that
Elias HL created for you. And this again, we spoke about how the family is a blessing from the
blessings of Allah azza wa jal in previous episodes, we spoke about the if applicable to the human
		

			well being are Matilda homeotic furoate Is it the false hood that they believe in and the blessings
of Allah that they are ungrateful for, we spoke about in the context of the family, and the family
is a blessing from the blessings of Allah. Here again, is another evidence for that, that allies
which are created for you, for you as a blessing for you. And here are the scholars of Tafseer
different the majority of the scholars of tifosi they said that this ayah is directed towards the
males towards the men.
		

			And that Allah azza wa jal tells us that Allah subhanaw taala created our wives for us, just as a
lie. So Jen, and that goes back to the beginning, we talked about how we're and and Adam, that a lot
so Joel created how work for Adam halaqa, lakum,
		

			and others among the scholars of Tafseer. They said that the left come here it means for the men and
the women together, in other words, that allies are gel created the spouses for each other. He
created the, the the wife, for the husband, and the husband for the wife, Minh and for SQL, woman,
IoT and holla. Polycom, Minh and for SQL, Allah azza wa jal created for you from yourselves. And
again, from yourselves here. There's a couple of different ways we can understand this statement
from yourselves. One is to say that the word from your cells refers to Adam and how would that how
well it was created from the, from the rib of Adam, Allah Himself. And so she was created from Adam.
		

			But also we can take this more broadly. And we can also say that this refers to the fact that
husband and wife, as we said, are both human beings are both of the same kind, the same type. And so
that that's why there is this love and mercy and affection and care and forgiveness that exists
between and if Allah subhanaw taala had made them of different kinds, you know, you hear that people
have that expression that says
		

			Men are from Mars and women are from Venus or something like that. The point is here that Allah
azzawajal specifically tells us in the Quran that it's not like that. The reason that husband and
wife can come together as a pair as a partner, as spouses is because they are mean emphases. They
are from each other, they're from the same, they have the same kind of each other.
		

			Men and fusi come as
		

			spouses from your own selves. And that's from the wisdom of allies origin and from the power of
allies from Allah subhanaw taala is supreme knowledge of his creation, that Allah azza wa jal
decreed that he would create for the spouses or he would create spouses for each other from the same
kind. Lee test skoon la Ha. And here is where we really need to think about this part of the ayah.
Because Li test, schooner, Li, Li test schooner, it comes back to a second and a sukoon.
		

			And these words, we can look at it in 2d, we could actually look at it in many different ways. It's
not even that we can look at it in two different ways. But I'm going to mention two just to show you
the contrast. We can see it as being a second in terms of living together. So Allah azza wa jal
created husband and wife to live together as a household and we said, this is the beginning of the
Muslim of the Muslim family that they live together as a household and they spend time with each
other. So that's part of it, he tests como la her. But that's not the the main or that's not the
only thing and it's perhaps not even the main thing that you take. The main thing that you take from
		

			a second and a sukoon is a some of the scholars said it is the opposite of Al Harker. It's the
opposite of moving around and Rob, being kind of shaky. So it's about being still and it's about
being tranquil and finding peace and finding contentment. And that is the primary meaning that we
take from this detached school led her to find tranquility with them, to find peace with them, to
find even you could say stillness, not being shaky, you know, being still and being calm with them,
to find what some people might call a sukoon. Peace, you know, some of them talk about to a man or a
woman and tranquility. That is one of the one of the major reasons for which Allah azza wa jal
		

			legislated this amazing, and this wise creation that our Lost Planet Allah tells us about and it's
one of the Ayat of Allah, one of the signs of a Lost Planet Allah in His creation that he did, so
that allies or gel created spouses, husband and wife, to find tranquility with one another, and to
find peace with one another. And that's why some of the scholars said when they came to the state
medic test school, he lay that the ILA here, what it means is, it means for the heart to find peace
for the heart, and it's talking about a matter of the heart. And that's what the word Isla. Isla
means here talks about a matter of the heart, the test schooner led her to find tranquility in the
		

			heart.
		

			And ultimately, that also tells us I mean, we can come back to this idea many times, but even it
talks about the kind of relationship they should be between husband and wife, it should be that,
let's say the husband has been out all day.
		

			And he's been work. And he's, you know, he's stressed. And he's been struggling with various
different things, he should come back and open the door of his house and find a second, tranquility
and peace. Maybe not even with his kids, maybe his kids are also stressing him out as well. But when
he sits alone with his wife, he finds sakeena. He's peaceful, he's tranquil, he's happy. Also, some
of the scholars mentioned this about the test scores. They had they mentioned alpha, happiness,
content, all those feelings of the heart. And also, it also indicates the body as well. But talking
about the the heart. Likewise, the wife, the wife, let's say she's been busy all day, the kids have
		

			been screaming and shouting and fighting with each other. And the husband comes in and she spent
some time with a husband, I should find that tranquility and peace. And that's inshallah, one of the
objectives that we have behind this course behind the Muslim family. And the element of it that
deals with marriage is to encourage all of us to improve ourselves so that we can be from those
people that have that second
		

			tranquility and that contentment of the heart when we are with our spouses, Shere Khan Islam wouldn
t me or him allowed to Allah mentioned in this, that it refers to both the heart and the body. So it
has here, the issue of Lee test como la ha, it contains within it, the matters of the heart and the
matters of the body. So physically, you you know you spend time together, you live together under
one roof. Your spouse is the closest person to you in a physical sense. And also in terms of the
heart, the one that makes your heart peaceful and tranquil and brings you happiness and contentment
with gyla bainer calm my word datawalk
		

			with Jada Dana come my way to Tijuana. Before we come to this just on that previous point on that on
the previous part of the ayah the test cuando la her isn't this one of the signs of Allah subhanaw
taala how Eliza gel created love between the spouses. how Allah subhanaw taala put contentment in
their hearts how Eliza gel made them be able to live with one another in peace and tranquility and
happiness. That's a sign from the signs of a Lost Planet Allah it's a sign which indicates the
immense wisdom of a lie soldier the knowledge of Allah Subhana Allah, Allah has infinite ability,
all of those things are indicated by the fact that the couple's the husband and the wife, they live
		

			together like that. What gyla bainer comm my word datawalk and Allah placed between you know what,
and
		

			before we talk about the more debt and I want to stop on this word, where jalepeno Allah azza wa jal
is the one who places love and mercy between the hearts of the spouses. And that tells us two
things. First of all, it tells us that real love and real mercy can only be found through what Allah
has made halaal and what allies made permissible, they can't be found through what allies made her.
And that's why all of the people living all over the world, in relationships outside of marriage,
they will never ever find more data, they will never ever find that that true love that is more than
shout out. It's more than desire, or it's more than passion. It's more than just, you know, quote
		

			unquote, falling in love is something more than that, they will never find it because a Lost Planet
Allah is the one who placed my wife, and Rama placed love and mercy between the spouses. And also it
tells us how powerful the feelings of marriage are, from his that some of the scholars mentioned
that when you separate from your family, or you separate from your spouse, maybe for example, you
have to go away for a long time, or perhaps one of them passes away. Or perhaps the marriage breaks
down in some way and they separate, it can be harder than a person upon a person than anything else,
it can be harder than because the feelings are so strong. And why are the feeling so strong, because
		

			Allah subhanaw taala is the one who put that momentum. And that Rama between the spouses, Allah
subhanaw taala, put it between them. And so it's something much more powerful than the Shahada, the
desires that might come when people sort of enter into relationships they're not supposed to be in,
maybe it might last a while for a few weeks or months, whatever Allah decrees, but ultimately, it's
not the real thing. The real thing is what Allah subhanaw taala puts between the heart of the
husband and the wife Maota and Rama. I want to look at this, Madame Rama from a couple of different
angles. First of all, I would like to look at more debt and Rama in terms of the general meaning. So
		

			my word debt is like some of the scholars said and muhabba was he had, it's love, and more. It's
love that comes along with support. It's love that comes along with friendship, it's love that comes
along with sacrifice. These are some of the things that I found from the people of knowledge they
mentioned about this word, moped, it's love that comes along with extra it comes along with support.
So it's not just about
		

			you know, like we might turn passion, but also about supporting each other being there for each
other, being friends to one another, helping each other out having each other's back,
		

			giving up sacrifice for one another, sacrificing
		

			for each other giving up your rights for the other one that is part of an MOA.
		

			And more datum war Rama
		

			and Rama here is mercy. So I wanted to look at these two words and merge
		

			See, what does that include, by the way, mercy includes forgiveness, it includes being kind to a
person. B, it includes a son, you know, x striving for excellence in your relationship with that
person. All of these things are indicated by a mortar and aroma. But one of the beautiful things you
can take here is to look at the contrast between the two, the contrast between Maota and Rama here
in the eye, so we can take them together, or we can take them apart. And what I mean by that is we
can take them together as in how mawatha and Rama, love, affection and mercy should be in the
marriage all the time. But we can also look at how one of them might be stronger than the other one
		

			at different times.
		

			So my wife,
		

			just think about it as love and care and affection. What happens when that love and care and
affection isn't as strong as maybe it should be? What happens when you have an argument, what
happens when, you know the the, that that love is just having a an off day, you know, it's not there
a strong enough feeling a strong then comes the Rama, the mercy. So actually, if you look at the
two, they can contrast each other, you can have more debt, which refers to the good times. And you
know, you love each other and you care for each other, and you're so affectionate to each other, you
you really look out for each other. But then you also have a Rama, that when things are not going
		

			well, you have mercy on each other, you overlook each other's faults, you forgive each other. That's
one way of looking at it. But that's just one way of looking at it if we take it from the other way.
And we took it about that how you bring those two things together, then some of the scholars they
mentioned the strength of the marriage is in these two things, the strength of the marriage is that
it's not just love, it's love and mercy come together. So it brings together all of the essential
elements of the marriage in terms of what the marriage should be based upon. And that could be like
we talked about love, it could be a Nussle supporting each other, it could be an ethos of
		

			sacrificing for each other. It could be an apple, overlooking each other's faults. This is the
essence upon which Allah subhanaw taala has built this relationship. And that's why it's so strong,
because it's built upon my word, what a hammer is built upon affection and love. And it's built upon
mercy. And when those two come together, it makes the strength of it makes that the strength of the
bond that exists between the husband and wife alive. So just said in Effie Valley color at the
komiya ticker on in this there are many signs, Allah didn't even see one side, there are many signs
for a people who think and reflect. And actually if you were to sit and think and reflect about this
		

			ayah, you would be able to think about so many different benefits that come from this, if I'm just
going to mention one example of a benefit that you could take from this ayah just by to the book
just by thinking about it and reflecting about it. This ayah contains the importance of
compatibility between the spouses. Because Allah azza wa jal, sadly, test schooner Ella, and to get
that Sakina or their second or sukoon, to get that tranquility, and not being you know, finding
peace in your heart when you're with them. That requires a certain amount of compatibility. And
that's why allies we just talked about the basic compatibility that exists between men and women,
		

			between husband and wife a lot talked about the basic compatibility. When he said, women iottie and
Haleakala come in emphasis from the Ayat of Allah is that he created for you from yourselves. So
that tells us the basic compatibility, but the more we strive to find that compatibility between the
husband and wife, the more we hope that it will lead to a second will lead to peace and tranquility,
as sukoon and a second, and, and and MOA and love and Rama and mercy. So it does tell us the
importance of finding that compatibility. But when I say compatibility here, and we'll stress it,
we'll talk about the characteristics of the husband and the wife and the relationship in the
		

			marriage. It doesn't mean it has to be identical. It doesn't mean that they have to be the same. It
just means that they have to find that second, and when they're looking to get married, they should
be looking at is this a person that I can find that Sakina with, you know, not that it's a from this
angle, for example, when some of the scholars speak about the issue of marrying someone who has
different customs to you, different culture to you. And while we say this
		

			is not forbidden in Islam, the concern the scholars raised over it is they raised a concern that it
person might get in a situation where they are not finding that tranquility and that peace with one
another because of the issue of having different customs and different culture among them and
different expectations from one another. So what I took from this is one of the things that you can
just make to that border, just think about and just reflect upon when it comes to this ayah is the
importance of finding that common ground and that compatibility and the more you find that common
ground and compatibility, the more that will be based on that will lead to that mawatha underarmour.
		

			And of course, the more dental Rama is something and this is from the Ayat of Allah azza wa jal that
we can take as well, is that the mud and the Rama, the affection and the mercy are something that
grow. As we said, these two people didn't know one another until they got married. They, you know,
as we know, they looked at one another, they met one another, they got the agreement to marry, but
they really didn't know one another until they got married. And yet Allah subhanaw taala cause that
love and that mercy and that affection to increase as time went on. And again, we can take, bring
that back to issues of finding common ground and finding compatibility. That's what allies are,
		

			which have made it easy for me to mention in this episode. We move on from here and shall allow to
other we're also going to be talking about some of the IRS generally that deal with marriage and
some of the benefits that we can take from that. And that's what I realized was you had made it easy
to mention and Orlando's best was Salatu was Salam ala nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi
ajmeri
		

			as salaam alaikum. If you're enjoying these videos, and you'd like to keep up to date with all of
the courses we're going to be running, make sure you head over to am au add home.com