Omar Suleiman – Social Justice Episode 25 – Justice Between Parents & Children

Omar Suleiman

Hadith #25 – Justice Between Parents & Children | 40 Hadiths on Social Justice

How do we uphold Islam’s honoring of the parents without sanctioning injustice towards children?

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The speakers discuss the importance of honoring children and not allowing anyone to do anything without their consent. They stress the need for regular engagement in Islam and educating children on their rights. The speakers also emphasize the importance of showing respect and love for parents, not acknowledging their loss, and not allowing anyone to do anything without their consent. They stress the need for regular engagement in Islam and educating children on their rights.

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			About a karate Koto, silica Mohammedan sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he was trying to sell him to
* kathira. So hamdulillah we're getting back started and inshallah, if we are able to maintain
this at a good pace if we get every halaqa done on a weekly basis from here until Ramadan with the
exception of two breaks, which I, which I'll be traveling, then we will finish off 40 heads before
I'm abandoned the night either. And if we've got like three weeks left and the week of Ramadan, and
we're just going to do three nights in a row or something, we'll just have to do a series to wrap it
up before I move on. But that's definitely the goal to wrap it up before Ramadan.
		
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			And hamdulillah just a few things. Number one, my wife, my sister in law, my wife texted me about my
sister in law just now. So my sister in law is in labor right now here in Dallas. So if I could ask
all of you to make that and that gives her a safe delivery, that she delivers a healthy child and
it's a safe pregnancy and that it's a righteous child, as well. And that allows parents it gives us
patience for all the kids that are that we're babysitting right now, while we're waiting, but please
make draft for her. that feeds into the discussion that we have today.
		
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			Which is we're moving into the family realm of social justice. The last few weeks, we covered
financial transactions. And I just finished a lecture at Europeans academic conference at NASA,
where I spoke about, you know, the Islamic social justice paradigm and how primarily it focuses on
economic justice. But then when it comes to the family, it gets even more complicated than finances.
And I'm going to mention from a theoretical perspective, first or not a theoretical perspective, but
really a principle, a maxim that defines all relationships in Islam. And this will help us in
understanding the role of government help us an understanding the role within family, whatever it
		
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			may be. Allah subhana wa tada are the prophets lie, Selim, of course, with the revelation of Allah
always assigns clear authority, there is always clear designation of authority in anything, right.
So the rights and responsibilities are so well defined within the Islamic text, that it's hard to
really go out of them. Or it's hard, it's hard to find ambiguity, at least with the major things. So
when it comes to the realm of family, when it gets complicated is not in regards to party a to party
B, but it's really in regards to interference of rights from different parties, meaning how do I
balance the rights that this person has upon me, with this person, right. So most notably,
		
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			parents and spouses, you get married, and if you want to be a good child, as well as a good spouse,
how do you balance out the responsibility that you have to your parents, and the responsibilities
that you have to your spouse, and then the responsibilities if you have children that you have to
your children, and the responsibilities that you have to your step parents. So it becomes really
difficult and a person could really burn out. And there is no doubt that a person should try with
all of those relationships, to deal with a son with excellence to go above and beyond what is
required of them. But sometimes that becomes impossible. And sometimes it becomes difficult to
		
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			navigate those those tensions. And then within a relationship when one person is showing a sign to
the other when one person is showing excellence to the other. And the other person is not only not
showing us, not only not showing excellence, but is actually abusing that axon, which is typically
what happens in human relationships, one person tends to be very giving, and the other person tends
to be very restrictive, or can even take advantage and abuse that kindness. Usually kindness is
going to be abused. Sometimes it'll be unintentional. Sometimes you, you know you might be, you
might be taking advantage of someone and not really recognize it, because that person has never
		
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			shown you any displeasure or showing you any dissatisfaction. But you might be taking advantage of
them. And so the Muslim always looks to their responsibilities first to the rights that are upon
them. And at the same time, they tried their best to deal with, with sun with everyone that last
palletize put around them they tried their best to deal with excellent. So first, we start off with
the complicated terrain of parents and children. And we're talking about it within the context of
justice. What are the rights of parents upon children? What are the rights of children, upon parents
and children does not necessarily refer to children as in young children, but of course, you know,
		
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			even as adults, what is the right or what are the rights of parents upon their kids? So we start off
with this headache. We'll start with the parents. And this is a headache that's married by the law
of Toronto. It's in Sahih Muslim, that the Prophet sallallahu wasallam said he had the weather
		
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			Doing what he done in LA and he added him Luca, is stereo.
		
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			The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Now Yahtzee, well, I don't want either that a, a
person and not repaid his father. I'll translate it literally here what it could mean father or
mother, but the literal translation is father, that a son cannot repay his father, unless in law and
Yoda, oh, man, Luca unless he finds him as a slave and purchases, purchases his freedom, so
purchases him and then sets him free. The only way that you could ever repay your father's if you
found them as a slave, you purchased them and then you set him free.
		
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			Here is an interesting discussion, first interesting discussion. While i'd worded literally would
mean son, Father, does it also mean son, mother, daughter, Father, daughter, mother,
		
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			some of the scholars, and the majority would say yes, okay, but this is referring to any parent and
child relationship. Some of them would say no, because you could never repay your mother that the
prophets lie some would not even include the mother, even in this context, that you couldn't repay
the lady that the mother, even if you found her as a slave and you purchased her freedom. But let's
stick to let's stick to the Hadith as to what it's conveying here because the majority of the
scholars do not take this as literal, a literal Hadith, even in regards to the Father, except for
the moment hazama Rahim Allah tada and the law is literalist, they, I mean, they say that if you
		
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			were because it could actually happen in those times, right? You actually could find your father as
a slave and purchase his freedom and set him free. Could you just be like, Alright, I paid you back,
I'm done. Don't talk to me anymore. No, the Prophet slicin him is using a, you know, an expression
to express that you really could never repay your father because this falls in the realm of, you
know, impossible, or near impossible. It's possible in that time, but it's near impossible. The
point being that you cannot repay your parents, there's nothing that you could possibly do to buy
your parents off or to repay them. And so the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, you know, what's
		
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			the expression that he's using? It's as if to say that until you acquire the commands of the entire
existence of a person, and then forego that graciously, you still haven't compensated them. Okay? So
there is never a scenario in which you've repaid your parents, so stop even looking for it. Stop
even exploring that realm, stop even trying to make that a possibility, because it's not a
possibility. Now, when we look in the Quran, we find two common terms that Allah subhanaw taala uses
when he speaks about obedience to the parents wakaba aboukir Allah tiempo de la isla de de la Santa,
and your Lord has judged that you will not worship except for him and you will show nothing but
		
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			some, but excellence beautiful character. So your parents and other lost parents, I use the word
wobble saw. Okay, well, we'll slain inside of the wedding day here.
		
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			And we have ordained, we'll see. I mean, what we'll see is when you will like you and trust someone
with something. Okay, we'll see. Can I you know, I'm giving you look, I'm giving you a very
important message here. This is a trust. And it refers to the will in the testament and in the, in
the very technical sense, but in our in our in our everyday usage and in different things. So it
will sleep and when FCB tequila, I could be giving maaseiah to myself and you to impress upon you
the seriousness of something
		
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			as well, right? It's very personal. So how do we take these two terms and this is something that
some of them will facility and pointed out some of the scholars
		
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			interpreted or at least extracted a benefit, called law refers to justice, although as a judgment,
Allah has judged that you worship none but him that you treat your parents only with the utmost
excellence, okay? And a lot joined obviously, that respect for the parents with, with the with the
obligation to worship Him alone.
		
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			Okay, to show the seriousness and the gravity of not being respectful to your parents not being
loving to your parents, and to also impress upon you the obligation. So should is the worst sin, the
worst thing that you could do is to not acknowledge the loss of monetize, one's to associate a
partner with him, or whatever manifestation. And so, from an injustice perspective, right under that
would be disobeying your parents or treating your parents in a way that's not befitting but then on
the other side, as far as obligation, the obligation
		
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			Worship Allah alone the obligation to treat your parents with honor and with respect so Kaaba,
refers more to justice and Hoku can rights was saw denotes a son was see denotes a sense of
excellence.
		
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			Like it's a very personal message. When someone gives you what
		
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			you honor that we'll see because of your love for that person. Right? A lot of times, like, Look,
I'm telling you, out of your love for me out of your obedience to me, because of what I mean to you,
I'm commanding you to do this, this is a command, this is a this is a will. This is me telling you,
you need to do this. I'm enjoining you with this. So Allah subhanaw taala uses various terms to
employ this and of course, none of this is absolute or defined. It's mean it's merely a means of
extracting a value the benefit from the different words that are used in the Quran. The point being,
that right under obedience to Allah Subhana Allah to Allah, and to the messenger and he is Salatu
		
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			was Salam kubs obedience to Allah subhana wa Tada, why does the law join those two together to
understand that just as the right of Allah is so great, that none can truly fulfill. It's the only
the only right that exists like that amongst human beings is the right of the parent on the child
that is so great, that it can never truly be fulfilled. And even if even if you're able to make the
claim that you are doing for your parents, what they did for you, is that you know, and it's hard
for me to actually even mentioned this narrations, Palen May Allah protect, protect our
relationships and have mercy on our parents and, and forgive us for our shortcomings with them. You
		
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			know, a lot of time who was even mentioning to a man who was taking care of his mother, who had
reached the point where she was like an infant, right in the sense that, that he had to carry her he
had to clean up after her, take her to the restroom, and those types of things. And the man is the
man is thinking to himself, and he's claiming that, you know, he's fulfilled, he's done what she did
for him, like my mother used to carry me She used to clean up after me, she used to change my
diaper, she used to do all these things. Liquid on the low end who said said you do that. But at the
same time, you're asking Allah Subhana, Allah to put her to death. While she used to do that, while
		
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			asking a lot to give you life.
		
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			So heavy,
		
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			even on the inside, when you're taking care of your parents in their old age, at times, maybe on the
inside, you're like, Well, you know, it's only a few more years, and you're just waiting for it to
end. Whereas your parents were doing that for you. And they were begging a lot to give you a long
healthy life. So even if on the outside, it looks like you are repaying on the inside is not the
same. Right? There is a special, a special mercy that Allah subhanaw taala put in the heart of the
parent for the child. And that's why the narration of we've been, it'll be a lot of time for the men
carrying his mother on his back and hedge.
		
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			I've seen people do that, by the way, I've seen people carry their parents on their back for
hedging. And you know, if you've ever been for hedging done the walk, it's tough. For a full able
bodied, healthy young person, it's tough. Imagine carrying a parent on your back and hatch. I saw it
this year, I actually pointed it out to some of my group numbers, as we were coming down from jumbo
dot, there's, you know, a man that had his his mother on his back the entire time. And so this man
asked, you know, have I repaid my mother and he responds and says, not even for one of her shots and
labor, not even for one of her cries and labor you did not repay them, you cannot repay them. And so
		
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			this is, you know, this is why Allah subhana wa tada is, is teaching us and the Prophet slicin
through this hadith is teaching us that it's not a matter of just, you do this, and I do that. And
you can claim that at some point, you've given to your parents and equal amounts of what they've
given to you, whether that's in the financial sense or in the, in the in the sense of service,
because there's something about that relationship, and you don't ever get to claim that you've
repaid that person. So that's why
		
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			you go above and beyond for your parents as much as you can, and you show them that respect and that
special treatment. And it's beyond just justice. It's more than that. It's more than that. And how
does that manifest itself? You know, it's a matter of showing that love and showing the importance
that that importance has never decreased in a person's life.
		
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			Zeno, Aberdeen and even for saying the great grandson of the prophets of Allah Hardy, who has
settled on he used to eat with his mother, for example, this is not about how he writes. When he
served the food he wouldn't eat until she ate first. That's excellent. Why is that because I don't
want to touch something that you want to eat. I'm gonna wait for you to eat, and then I'll eat from
it. Because when I was a child, you know you just attack the food. Your mother gives you what you
what you prefer. And she says whatever's
		
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			left for herself, the very famous Hadith of the Alon where the woman earned genda when she had when
I gave her subaqua gave her three dates and so one for her and then her two kids. So she gave the
two days to her kids and then she was about to eat and then her kids were still hungry. So she
toward that or she's, you know, she split that date into two. And then she gave it to her two kids
and I should told the profit slice on the profit slice. I'm said Allah entered her into gender
because of that. She earned Paradise by that. So Zayn and Aberdeen on he would eat with his mother,
he wouldn't touch the food because he said, You know, I don't want to touch it. Because I don't want
		
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			to put my hand on something that you want to eat. I'll wait till you eat and then I'll eat now, is
that a ruling in Islam? No, it's not a ruling. And it's not with your parents. If you go out to eat
with, you know, take them out to a restaurant, you don't have to sit there and, you know, wait for
them to finish their food. And then you touch the food. But it was just a matter of expressing a
special type of son a special type of love for the parent. Mr. Mohammed Rahim Allah. And this is a
very significant one. Because if someone cuts off the lecture right after this narration, they could
really abuse their kids with it. So I'm gonna say right now, this is a very unique circumstance.
		
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			Imam Ahmed Rahim, Allah did not get married until his mother passed away at the age of 40 years old.
Does that mean you should wait until your parents pass away to get married? No, I'm not a special
circumstance. His mother was a single mother. She gave her all to him. She she struggled and strove
so much to take care of him. And she I mean, she toiled in every way, the amount of time it did not
feel like he could properly balanced. Does that mean that it's a ruling in Islam, that if you have a
single mother, you have a parent, you should wait? No, actually, the general ruling is to get
married when you have the means to get married. But it's meant to convey a certain type of a certain
		
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			type of excellence that the sleight of hand that the righteous had for their parents and by the way,
so how I find this significant Imam Amador him, Allah, he and his wife and sila. He was married for
30 years after that he passed away at the age of 77. And his wife on silent when she when she passed
away, when he was 70. He actually said he said, I can't we can't remember ever having an argument
with her like she never, we never fought. So he honored his mother. And then he honored his wife, he
that that transition, it didn't lead to him treating his wife badly. It actually it was a special
type of other special type of recognition, honor that then translated itself in the way he would
		
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			treat his wife after after he got married. So these are things that convey son they're not to extol
the rights of the parents upon us. And what if you, you know, well, you could say Well, look, you
might not man's mom was awesome.
		
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			Different single Aberdeen's mother, it was great. Right? Or, you know, their parents were different
than our parents. So we don't you know, so it's a different type of exaggeration, but this is the
utility of Allah subhanho wa Taala. Not mentioning any conditions will be while eating Asana that
you treat them with their son. Last pantai doesn't say if you had good parents, you treat them with
their son, Allah says you treat them with their son because they're your parents. So that does away
with the well this, this, this and that. Okay? which usually is more, you know, when a person starts
to look back and say you never did this, you never did that. It's usually more of selective memory
		
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			rather than an accurate representation of what happened in the relationship between the parents and
the children. So justice is God ordained. This is a loss of Hannah hota Allah, judging that what
Kabbalah bukanlah tabula rasa will be valid any son so we'll just summarize these two verses, then
we'll move on to the children. I'm sure the parents have already cut off the lecture at this point.
don't want to hear anything else.
		
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			Well, kabamba Allah tabula Yahoo bydd Asana last sentence with a straw, your Lord has judged that
you do not worship except for him and that you show your parents only the best level the greatest
level of excellence and axon and then Allah subhanaw taala says in my absolute honor in duquel,
keba, Allah subhana wa tada says, if if they reach old age with you, I had Obama Oklahoma. So one of
them, you're blessed to have one parent reach old age, or both of them reach old age amongst you,
and you can sort of start with that.
		
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			The scholars mentioned here that if your parents reach old age in your lifetime, that's a NEMA and a
blessing from Allah subhanaw taala not a curse,
		
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			an opportunity for you to enter into gentlemen. That's your that is a ticket to paradise right
there. If you were blessed to have parents that reached an old age in your lifetime and you became
an adult, and you know, where you could properly understand what they've done for you or the rights
that they have upon you. And they've reached old age n duck you know, with
		
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			You somehow already denotes that you're taking care of them. You're not abandoning them. You're not
neglecting them. You're not allowing you know in this hyper, narcissistic, individualistic society
how many elder parents die alone completely alone barely hear from their children.
		
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			Right? Completely put away because it's all checks and balances is he fed is he take okay? doesn't
work that way. If one of them reaches old age in your lifetime, or both of them. So Allah subhanaw
taala starts, he first mentioned fella taco lahoma. of Don't ever show.
		
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			Don't ever say to them,
		
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			or roll your eyes or show any displeasure. Why? Because especially, you know, somehow Allah is
talking about when your parents get old. Because that's when you could start to get impatient with
them. For whatever reason, right when they start to get old, when you're young is like don't even
think about it. And then when you're old, even at that point, when it might seem like they're
becoming burdensome, or becomes heavier, more unreasonable, and things of that sort. Don't you ever
dare say?
		
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			or express displeasure that you have to serve them?
		
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			Because your parents did not say
		
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			they took care of you. Right? So don't you ever even say
		
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			don't disgust roll your eyes whatever it is, or displeasure, while at 10? hamama? Don't make them
feel repelled? No, you talk about Islam recognizes emotional rights, you can be fulfilling the
physical you again, you can be checking off the balance sheet, but you're making someone feel
repelled. Right, you're blocking them out one at a time. Don't block them out, don't repel them. You
know, it's the same language that allow uses with the orphan have had a lot and just in sort of how
I use that language with the orphans. Right? Don't repel them. Don't make them feel like they're a
burden on you don't make them feel like you don't want them around that you're writing off your
		
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			checks and you're doing what you have to do. I was parents I says, replace that with, well put
lahoma colon Karina, speak to them only with dignifying words, honorable generous words.
		
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			So you compare this panel on the first effect of speaking Kareem in a way that's generous, is to
dignify that person. Right? Kevin starts off with dignity to make that person feel dignified. So if
you have a five minute conversation with your parents, and you're already raising your voice and
making them feel like they don't know what they're talking about, or neglecting them, you're not
dignifying them. It's not just kind words, dignifying words of generosity. dignifying you can't
honor them if you're deriving them with your words.
		
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			So dignifying words, not you know, showing them complete honor that they always maintain that place
in your eyes, no matter what happens to them. And unless piloti says, What's the lahoma Jenna had
bulimic
		
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			and show complete powerlessness in front of them.
		
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			Which means what's the lahoma Jenna has only been a rational to lower to them, the lower yourself in
humility, out of mercy, lowering yourself showing subordinates no matter what showing that humility
and expressing that no matter how old they get, no matter how demanding they get, whatever it may be
constantly showing that, that humility.
		
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			The greatest example of this is the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. When he sees
		
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			you know, a woman who raised Him and who took care of them and the Prophet sly someone he would
recognize those women because he didn't see his mother as an adult. It his mother died when he was
six. And his father died before he passed away. But when the Prophet slicin saw an idea, as an
adult, or when he saw a man,
		
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			Baraka may Allah be pleased with them all the women who nurse the prophets, ally, someone who took
care of him, out of the prophets lie, some act even as the head of state, he was the most important
man and the woman suddenly the Prophet slice Allah humbles himself like a child in his 60s. So these
women in the way that he would serve these women in the way that he would treat them in the way that
he would act towards them. Right. So to always show that complete love and that complete mercy and
that, that humility, when you treat them. So this is on the rights perspective, and I'm going
obviously, more quicker, because of the time that we have and finally, our last pentesters will
		
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			signal inside of the wedding day, he Asana hemella, to Cora, over to Cora Warhammer who was the
father who
		
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			was mentioned in suits,
		
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			and we enjoined upon men to treat his parents with excellence. His mother carried him and almost
specifies the mother carried him, gave birth to him and nursed him and raised him in
		
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			pain
		
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			and loss parent recognizes that pain. So that shows that there's priority even amongst the parents
in terms of justice, the Hadeeth of unlock some unlock some homework from your mother, than your
mother than your mother than your father. That does not mean that does not mean that you honor your
mother and dishonor your father. But you try to pit them against each other.
		
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			Well, Mom said this, so pit mom against that and say, Well, I gotta listen to mom. Because before
last month, I specified the mother. This is the beauty of the poem, before Allah specified these
things of the mother, Alice pantai, says Big Daddy day, he says, you have to honor both of your
parents. Now Allah mentioned some of the specific virtues of the mother upon the child, the mother
than what the prophet slicin said, Your mother than your mother than your mother than your father,
as far as honoring, and dignifying and showing that love and this is obviously the this is a flip,
and Arab jolly culture and the culture of ignorance before Islam. The mother was belittled, she was
		
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			inherited by her child, completely belittled. So now not only is she an equal to the Father, she is
honored beyond the Father. For what she has done, the prophets lie Selim shows that full recognition
as Allah subhana wa tada shows that recognition and one Hadith
		
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			it's not a Hadith, the incident with the bustle the allowance, where a man
		
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			confessed murder. Seven I bustled a lot of time, confessed that he said that, I asked a woman to
marry me and she refused to marry me. And then another friend of his or another man married her and
he got jealous. And he killed her. He murdered her. Now he comes to love and I'm boss. The one thing
is that the punishment for murder, which is that justice has to take place. But he wants to know if
he has a chance of being forgiven by Allah subhanho Tada. So he's, you know, that's one thing like,
Okay, I know, I've got he's got to go through a trial. He's got to go through punishment and all
those but will will I ever enter agenda was caught in a moment of anger, and I messed up really,
		
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			really badly. Do I ever have a chance at paradise? And he said, almost the height is your mother
alive? And he said, No. So he said, repent to Allah subhanaw taala with whatever time you have
whatever, repent to Allah as much as you can, and draw near to him as much as you can. And the
people around that witness that conversation, I thought, so. I asked him, Why did you ask him for
his mother was alive. So he said, La La La, La La MaMa La Habra, la in the real world, I said, I
don't know of an action that brings a person closer to a lot in honoring one's mother. So from his
tilba, from his repentance, if he really, you know, this was just one of the actions he can try to
		
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			start drawing closer to a loss of parents, I go honor your mother. And when when he said that his
mother was no longer alive. He simply said to him, repent to a loss of parents, I try to try to draw
near to him and seek forgiveness. So what does this mean, as far as justice or children is
concerned? Does this mean you are at your parents disposal? Without any right to autonomy or justice
yourself? Does this mean that you can be exploited and abused? And does that take place? It does
take place. There's no doubt about it. And it's important, you know, there are things that are
understood in the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet slicin when they speak about the nature of
		
00:28:30 --> 00:29:01
			this relationship, you know, we live in the era of what about, I guarantee you I'm not reading the
comments on my on the live video, but I guarantee what about this? What about that? What about this,
if I write a single status if someone writes something like, you should be nice to your wife? And
then what about this, this, this, this, this, this this? Well, that's kind of understood that I
didn't mean that if she hits you with something that, you know, like, it should be understood. But
unfortunately, it's not understood because we live in the What about culture? What about this? What
about that? What about this? What about this, like, you've got to have 30 qualifiers to every
		
00:29:01 --> 00:29:31
			statement that you make. And if we live in a world of what about ism, then no statement is true in
its absolute sense, not almost no statement is going to be true. Anything you say has has exceptions
and qualifications. And that's to be understood, that Allah is not unreasonable with his servants.
And the Prophet slicin is not unreasonable with his commands to those that wish to follow and strive
for his example. So that should be understood. So I'm going to put that there, but what about us and
put the What about ism to the side second thing
		
00:29:32 --> 00:29:52
			that our attorney Mark lucuma acetal Hala profits why some said you cannot obey a creation of a law
when they tell you to dis obey the Creator, there is no obedience to a creation in disobeying the
Creator. Obviously, that obedience is limited in its nature. Okay.
		
00:29:55 --> 00:29:59
			The last thing that I'd say here and this is this is a this is a real
		
00:30:00 --> 00:30:26
			Important Id really important, because it just somehow it's it solves all of these problems. It is
the ultimate qualifying statement here. The prophets lie. Some said in the mythos autofill marital
obedience is always contingent upon being reasonable. Obedience is always contingent upon something
being reasonable. So you can't place an unreasonable burden on someone.
		
00:30:27 --> 00:31:02
			And then mentally, or emotionally abused them or torture them, because they're not living up to what
you've placed upon them. So the scholar has mentioned, you know, you can't make your child eat
something repulsive. You can't make them marry someone they don't want to marry. That's, you know,
that's something, you know, explicitly prohibited, and how many parents would guilt their children
and many cultures, and how many parents would guilt their children into marrying someone that they
want their children to marry, but their children don't want to marry them? you imagine? Girl comes
to the Prophet, slice alum and tells the prophets lie some that she was forced into a marriage that
		
00:31:02 --> 00:31:06
			her father forced her to marry someone without her consent. What did he say? You're free to go?
		
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			The contract never happens. Not look, well, let's let's talk to your father and see why did he
really want this to happen? You know, if the guy is a good guy, just let it go. No, because it was a
matter of setting justice. Like that's not just, he might be a great guy, and he might be a good guy
for you. And maybe your father did it out of interest, but your father has no right to force that
upon you. That's unreasonable. And so the standard hats had to be set, which by the way, she ended
up marrying the man anyway, but she wanted to set the standard. She wanted to make it clear that she
had the right whether or not
		
00:31:42 --> 00:31:46
			to marry that man. So when you know,
		
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			there are things that are unreasonable, and they're asked and then apply to the model. However, even
when the parents demand something unreasonable, that does not excuse you, disrespecting them or
treating them badly. What is the most unreasonable thing that a parent could demand of their child?
		
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			You tell me
		
00:32:14 --> 00:32:15
			become a doctor. No.
		
00:32:17 --> 00:32:18
			And you're really you're really bitter about this.
		
00:32:20 --> 00:32:21
			Alright.
		
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			A lifetime of servitude. What's even more unreasonable than that? chick? If your parents told you I
will not. I will disown you if you don't worship this idol.
		
00:32:33 --> 00:32:33
			Think about that.
		
00:32:34 --> 00:33:20
			The parents said to a child I will disown you. If you don't worship this idol. It's okay. No, no
worry about it. It's fine. She's cute. She can get away with it. If a parent said I will disown you
if you don't worship this idol. So I've had a look at him a lot he Marty has set up. Speaking to his
father, Colin Kadima, check or not check speaking words of dignifying words and honored to speak to
his father in a way that was kidding. Yes. Did he treat his father? Well? Yes. Did his father reach
old age in him and Ibrahim is not tolerated. You know what that what that the package that came with
and still showed him honor and love? Did he ever Express impatience with his father? No. Okay. Did
		
00:33:20 --> 00:33:29
			he say to his father? Oh, no, he didn't. He literally matches all of the descriptions of the of the
way that you're supposed to treat your parents out of his father response.
		
00:33:31 --> 00:33:32
			He tried to murder him.
		
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			Okay, because at the end of the day
		
00:33:37 --> 00:33:56
			shook okay. IV worship the idols or you die. That says unreasonable, as it gets did a lot excuse
about him is to talk to his father. And you know, like after Ibrahim is known was thrown into the
fire. Think about this and Allah saved him from that.
		
00:33:57 --> 00:34:05
			Did it brought him Iceland go spit in his father's face before he left him? No, he left his father
out of escaping his harm.
		
00:34:06 --> 00:34:13
			He left his father out of escaping his heart, but he didn't treat him. He still didn't dishonor him.
He still didn't say nasty words to him.
		
00:34:14 --> 00:34:50
			There's nothing more unreasonable than that. And in the prophets lie, some of them sided I will
possibly allow tada and who says that when my mother heard that I accepted Islam, she flew into a
rage. She came up to me and she said, Oh sad. What is this religion you have embraced which has
taken you away from the religion of your mother and your father. He said, bye, bye God. Either you
forsake your new religion or I will forsake you and I will not eat or drink or go inside my home
until I die. I'm going to sit outside in the sun,
		
00:34:51 --> 00:34:54
			die of starvation or dehydration.
		
00:34:55 --> 00:34:59
			Until you renounce your religion, emotional blockage
		
00:35:00 --> 00:35:00
			No,
		
00:35:01 --> 00:35:06
			that's tough. This religion which is built on honoring the mother, and the mother is saying,
		
00:35:08 --> 00:35:19
			you either leave Islam or I'll kill myself. And what she's serious. She literally sat outside and
the sister side had to force her mouth open to feed her.
		
00:35:21 --> 00:35:34
			So she didn't die. I mean, that's, that's serious. And he begged her. I begged her not to do that.
But she went on with the threat. So,
		
00:35:35 --> 00:36:14
			hour after our sound a little below on who said, I kept going to her with food and drink and crying.
I mean, think of the position of cibola besides a warrior, right? I mean, he's a strong man. But
think of that humility and that brokenness in front of his mom, like, Mom, please eat. I can't
forsake my religion. What do I do? And so Pamela, she kept on refusing, she said, you abandon your
religion or I abandon you? He said, I said to her, oh, my mother by a law. This is This is tough,
the Biola if you had 100 souls, and each one depart one after the other, I still would not abandon
this religion for anything.
		
00:36:15 --> 00:36:26
			So when she saw my insistence finally she ate and she drink so you got like, Okay, he's, he's not
going to give up that religion. A lot of revealed and I about this
		
00:36:27 --> 00:36:40
			well, in jaha, dakara, and to Sri kabhi, Na, Elisa Lockerbie, here in Altera home. And if they
strive against you, and insist that you abandon your religion,
		
00:36:41 --> 00:37:04
			then do not obey them, while Sahib will not deny them alpha, but then accompany them, and stay with
them and show them the utmost kindness and respect. Even then, even then, she's commanding side to
curse Allah, Allah is commanding side to honor her. And just don't curse Allah.
		
00:37:05 --> 00:37:12
			either. So there's nothing that goes beyond that. So yes, don't get forced into a marriage.
		
00:37:13 --> 00:37:55
			Don't get emotionally blackmailed. Don't treat your spouse badly, because your parents don't like
your spouse, don't deprive your children of their rights don't don't do anything that contradicts
that conflicts with what Allah subhanaw taala has prescribed. But in that process, you still only
speak to your parents with words of kindness, okay, so it never goes, you don't follow them. And
that which is unreasonable, but at the same time, your words should never reflect any form of
disrespect. And if you You know, sometimes a person, and this is an extreme example, where there's
act where there's abuse that's taking place and a person has to abandon or person has to actually
		
00:37:55 --> 00:38:31
			seek protection from their parents. It's a heartbreaking situation, are they sinful for seeking
protection from the parents? No, you don't should not tolerate abuse and tolerate, you know, you
know, things of harm, right. But at the same time, a person still maintains what Allah subhanaw
taala has maintained. And this is another example, you know, Hadeeth until America, the big profits
licensing you and your money belong to your father letter do caspo be the son is the is the earning
of his father, that doesn't mean that they that a father could tell his son,
		
00:38:32 --> 00:39:03
			you know, to give them all their money and not be able to pay their rents or afford their basic
needs or to take care of themselves, right, that's this, this was an expression from the Prophet
sallallahu wasallam, that a person doesn't deprive their parents, from their wealth, if your parents
are needy, and you have the means to take care of them, then you're responsible to take care of
them. But that doesn't mean that they have open access to your wealth. Okay. And this is obviously
even at the time of death, the profit slice some forbade
		
00:39:04 --> 00:39:06
			a person as they're dying
		
00:39:07 --> 00:39:44
			to, to will some of their money in charity. What does that mean? You can you can, you can give your
money in charity while you're alive, but the profit slice and I'm forbade a person as they're dying
to give their money in charity. What that means is that the profit slice of them is saying that at
that point, that money is not yours, when you're dying, it belongs to those that are inheriting from
you. So you can't wait until you're dying. And and so you know, give it all up. When you're healthy.
When you're good, that's fine. And you can will one third of your wealth, to charity up to one third
of your wealth to charity, but you can't wait until you're dying and then say give it all in
		
00:39:44 --> 00:39:59
			charity, when you're dying because it's no longer yours at that point. So there are rights even then
financial rights that the child maintains upon the parents and the parents cannot just exploit the
wealth of their children. That's not something that the prophet SAW. I said, I'm allowed
		
00:40:00 --> 00:40:07
			in any capacity Finally, there's the story of Amato the a lot of time with the Father and the Son,
which is significant.
		
00:40:09 --> 00:40:45
			The father comes to Amaro be allowed to complain about his child. I would hate for my like, you
talked about taking your son to someone to complain, taking your son to the law. And that's like the
worst thing you can do to your son. I mean, think about how intimidating that is. I'm going to take
you to the head of state and the halifa, who is physically huge. He's already allowed Thailand No,
not like, like, like physically huge. You imagine and, you know, he takes his son to almost all the
time to complain about him. And he's basically asking mama to discipline his child.
		
00:40:47 --> 00:41:02
			And he says all these horrible things about his son, and the son looks at armor, or the allot of
time one says, Yeah, I mean, Elisa in wallet Heroku cuddle up. The children not have rights over
their parents.
		
00:41:04 --> 00:41:05
			Amaro the law, no, sir course.
		
00:41:07 --> 00:41:40
			He said, what are they, so I'm going to be alarmed who said well, and these were these were
examples, he said that he should marry, he should choose a good spouse. Because that mother will be
that wife will be the mother of your children. So he should be thinking about that, as well as, as
the woman when she gets married, we thinking that this is going to be the father of my children if
we have children. So that's a Huck of the child over the parents. So he should have chosen a good, a
good other parents giving you a good name. Because in Islam, the naming is significant. you name
your child, something you want them to live up to.
		
00:41:41 --> 00:41:50
			You know, I was somehow in the Muslim world, in many parts of the Muslim world, like people don't
name after the companions anymore, that's considered old school. They got all these weird names that
mean nothing.
		
00:41:51 --> 00:42:19
			You name them after a person or a quality that you want them to live up to. It's a half of the
child, it's a rite of the child. So everyone, you know, in the community when someone's about to
have a kid, and they just open up some sort of website, and they find the Arabic name that sounds
prettiest. And like, is this name, okay? You shouldn't be thinking is this name, okay? You should be
thinking, what do I want this child to be? And I want them to live up to that name. So it's a hack
of the child, so right of the child, and third, to teach them the Koran,
		
00:42:20 --> 00:42:25
			to educate them. So basically, the sons, my dad did none of those things.
		
00:42:26 --> 00:42:29
			Like none of those things. Alright.
		
00:42:30 --> 00:42:54
			Not so nice things about his mom. He had a bad name. And he never taught him a word of the armor of
the law. And he looked at the dad and said octo cobbler and Europa. Do disobeyed him before he can
disobey you, meaning you deprived him before he could deprive you. You messed up, okay. Now,
although the law didn't have the son of stick and say, pop your dad in the face with it.
		
00:42:55 --> 00:43:22
			But the law said, No, no, you can't come here with all these complaints when you fail to do what
you're supposed to do. So there is such thing as the rights of the child. And if you think about
these things, you know, these are emotional rights. This is the right to education. And again, the
naming is more than that, like I raised my kids have good character, I invested in my child that
good character and things of that sort. So if I didn't invest in my child to have good character,
Lenny has bad character than who's to blame.
		
00:43:24 --> 00:43:26
			Me, okay,
		
00:43:27 --> 00:44:04
			then that's my fault. All right. If I did do my best for them to have good character, and they still
turned out rotten, then I complained to Allah subhanaw taala. But if I didn't even try, which amado
de la Andrus are reflected in the way that he named his kid and just gave it No, you know,
completely didn't care about that, then I have no right. And if I didn't educate my child, or teach
them about the plan, and then they act in complete opposition to the plan, then goes back to me, the
right to educate the right, you know, the right to invest in them and to raise them and to make them
people of good character. So the child still has rights upon the parents, and this is something well
		
00:44:05 --> 00:44:17
			established in Islam. And it goes beyond just the physical rights and things of that sort. Now, when
a when a person becomes an adult, usually the tension with the parents is when other relationships
come into being.
		
00:44:19 --> 00:44:34
			Right, and that's where you have to navigate those things. That honor should always be to the
parents, but that should not translate into disrespect of the spouse or depth deprivation of anybody
else that has rights upon you. And somehow, I'm just going to end sort of with this
		
00:44:36 --> 00:44:53
			with this lesson that I hope all of us will take to heart. I know this was a particularly long,
these are long halaqa that we did tonight. But you know, as you get older, the fear of irrelevance
on the part of the parents is real, the fear of losing relevance in your life.
		
00:44:55 --> 00:44:59
			There's also you know, sort of that teenage the teenage years and when you're starting to become an
adult
		
00:45:00 --> 00:45:06
			And you start, you know, you're trying to express ultimate autonomy, and there's trying to reinforce
control so that that's attention.
		
00:45:07 --> 00:45:45
			But then once it goes beyond that, once it goes beyond the annoying teenage phase, and, you know,
you sort of move beyond that the fighting part of it. So lack of relevance as a whole. So first,
it's a lack of control that then turns into a lack of relevance. And that's what the prophets lie
some was warning about. And that's what a lot as well, on he's saying, if one of them reaches old
age in your lifetime, that's the greatest gift that Allah can give you as an opportunity to serve
and to love your parents as they reach that old age. Don't look at it, don't look at it as a burden,
look at it as a gift, because many people would love to still have their parents to serve them. A
		
00:45:45 --> 00:46:17
			loss of parents, I gave that to you, no matter what they are, what they say to you what they do,
unless, again, it goes into the realm of that which is unreasonable, or it's abuse and things of
that sort. Try your best to serve them and to show them love. One of my good friends and Pamela,
when he accepted Islam is actually sorry. I'll give you another one, which is even better. There is
a sister that accepted Islam and Louisiana want her. When she accepted Islam, her parents threw her
out. And she used to serve her parents breakfast every morning.
		
00:46:18 --> 00:46:27
			When her parents threw her out, they were extremely abusive to her. What would she do, he would go
early in the morning, prepare breakfast, and she'd leave the house before they woke up.
		
00:46:28 --> 00:46:30
			And both of her parents ended up accepting it.
		
00:46:32 --> 00:46:54
			I mean, they were so touched and ashamed of themselves for how they treated her. It's not always
going to end up that way. But she would have done her part anyway, even if her parents would have
said, you know, your eggs stunk. And, you know, and this was all off and don't do this, again, don't
come back. She did her part. That's excellent. Laura warded that her son in that case, under the
law, and her parents, except that it's not sometimes it doesn't happen. But the point is,
		
00:46:55 --> 00:47:15
			it's it's a relationship governed by ERISA and their rights children have upon the parents, and
there is no greater This is the interesting part about this relationship. There is no greater
investment that you have in this world than children, if Allah gave them to you, that there's no
greater investment like that's your
		
00:47:16 --> 00:47:55
			right because that's your continuation of deeds. If you can invest in that there's no greater gift
than that. Nothing more precious of an investment. And then there is no greater obligation and no
greater way to earn the pleasure of Allah subhanaw taala then if you still have your parents alive,
and you have the opportunity to serve them and to honor them, so your stakes are really in each
other in many different ways. Allah subhana wa Tada. Allow us to recognize the blessing of our
parents if they are alive May Allah places at their service if they passed away, May Allah forgive
them and have mercy upon them. May Allah subhanaw taala guide us guide our parents and join us in
		
00:47:55 --> 00:48:07
			righteousness and in favor and never make us amongst those that wronged that rang them a lot. I
mean, a lot more. Salamone. Amina Mohammed. I'll take just two questions and I'll let you guys go
and then I can take questions.