Omar Suleiman – Laws Of Love
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The transcript discusses various topics related to marriage, including domestic violence, relationships, and relationships with family members. The speakers emphasize the importance of finding a partner who is stable and has good character, finding a partner who is a good fit for a relationship, and finding a person who infuses love inside relationships. They also discuss the importance of finding a partner who is a good fit for a relationship and finding a person who infuses love inside relationships.
AI: Summary ©
So now I
mean, what are
all of a sudden he was sitting
in the sun, and he was talking, he was suddenly.
So actually, this is actually very funny because I see the Domestic Violence Awareness Month in the background.
And I'll actually tell you a true story last, so every year, we have a convention that can amass convention in the United States. And Russia was the largest convention in the United States. So we have about 20,000 people come, Mashallah. And two years ago, it was about loving the family. Right? So you have all these talks about romance and all these talks about the way the prophet SAW the love, it was sort of used to treat
his loyalty to the digital dilemma. You know, we had all these beautiful stories of rain and so many different stories. And we talked about domestic violence and, you know, warning the brothers and stuff like that you know, about not not being harsh with their wives at your permission on on on abusing your spouse, and so on, so forth. And so, the question and answer session, one uncle raises up his hand and he goes, Brother, what if the wife was abusing the husband's?
I'm sorry.
So yeah, we live in a different time. And we live in a different day and age, obviously. But um, so I'm gonna point out just a few things that I see wrong with this setting every time we have a talk on marriage.
You know, so Pamela, this is the only time that the brothers are as attentive as the sisters. I'm not joking with you. If I get any other talk by you any other lecture, the brothers are falling asleep, and the sisters myself are paying attention and taking notes, and so on, so forth. And another one is about marriage, all the brothers are tuned in.
And the second problem is that not many of you guys are taking notes.
Except for these two.
So they've obviously they're preparing in advance, Mashallah, Mashallah they're doing a good job, because they're preparing in advance. Everybody else is probably just waiting here for me to say, what they already have identified in the spouse that they want, so that they can say see myself on the ship. So I should look for this. And this is exactly.
So it's all good. Right? This is
a topic that I enjoy speaking about. Until about a few hours ago, I had no idea what we were talking about when we said the laws of love, does it mean how to you know how to interact with each other inside of the marriage? Does it mean what you look for when you want to get married? And I think inshallah Tata will just encompass all of those things. And we will do question and answer. So let's have a chance to, to hear from all of you and tell about how you feel about some of the different topics that we're covering. But, you know,
have any of you ever heard of Nancy Grace?
Yes. Okay. Nancy, Grace is really, really, really annoying. And she's a newscaster from the United States. That's how a lot, you know, a few. How many? Did you all hear about the I know through Facebook now, Michelle, we're all connected from all over the world. Did you guys hear about the Ayesha Khan thing, the sister that disappeared? You know, for some time, and there's this whole fiasco going on, people were changing their profile pictures and events helpline, Ayesha Khan and so on, so forth. You know, so this, this was a frenzy that was going on in the United States. So Nancy Grace is, you know, she focuses on these stories. She she identifies this story from all over the
country. And she, you know, she'll talk about the story. And, you know, she'll throw in her own two cents, but usually her two cents or more like 20 cents, and she'll talk forever and ever and ever and ever. And she talks about things that are irrelevant, but juicy, right, so she brings on the family of this, this woman who's disappeared. And, you know, presumably, she's been kidnapped. We thought that the community was under the presumption that she was kidnapped to turn up, she was not kidnapped. But you know, you can imagine how grieving the family is how much pain the family is in.
And she spends 10 minutes ranting saying this seems like an arranged marriage to me. You don't hear this here in America, we get married because of love. We don't get married. Because How did you know? How did you get to know she's talking to the husband of Isaiah, you can imagine the guy does not feel like hearing about this stuff right now. And she's sitting there lecturing him. How did you get to know her in the first place? Were you guys hooked up by your parents? You know, did you fall in love first, and basically where she was going with this is that, you know, I should have probably ran away because of an arranged marriage. Right? And so, a lot. First and foremost, when people say
that we Muslims believe in arranged marriage. I have a problem with simplifying over simplifying things in the first place. But the point that I'm trying to make is that obviously, our Deen is under attack.
In every way, from a societal perspective, you know, from, from in every single subject from a historical perspective, you know, from a political perspective, our Deen is always under attack, right? And people are trying to say that there's something faulty about our needs. And it's backwards, that you know that, you know, we're calling every once we come caveman again and things of that sort. There's this, this is what's happening right now. But statistically speaking, there is an interesting study that was published by Harvard two years ago, they said that if two spouses if two people before marriage were to engage in intimate relationship into were to engage in intimate
relations, that relationship had a 69% chance of failure after marriage. I don't know what the divorce rate is, like here in the UK with the divorce rate in the United States is 54%. Now, that means that when you get married in the United States, you know, you have a more than 50% chance, you're more than likely to get a divorce after marriage, then stay married. So Pamela, so it's, I mean, the things that we're being attacked for it, it's like, what exactly are you bringing us an alternative? Right? Now, when we talk about marriage, and when we talk about the things that you look for, obviously, unfortunately, even whenever we talk about religion, when we talk about faith
being the basis of looking for a spouse, you have all of the cultural things that come into that, do you guys have any matrimonial websites here?
So you know, some how to look. So you go to some of the matrimonial websites Not that I've ever been, but you know, you go to the matrimonial website, and it will say, looking for a 28 year old dermatologist from Hyderabad, you know, it's like, all kinds of crazy, crazy expectations from one another. Right? And then you'll have a person who's posing in their profile picture, you know, in a way that's completely indecent, and says, I'm just looking for a good religious spouse.
You know, somehow not even the concept of looking for a person, for the sake of their faith is completely lost. You know, it's like, we were, we don't really understand what that means anymore. Now, we go to the province of the lahardee, with some of the recommendations that he gave, and there's a lot of tremendous there's so much wisdom in what the prophet SAW a lot of is upset to look for. because on one hand, yes, Faith is the basis but the prophet SAW a lot of mining was sort of mentioned another intangible thing, which is so important. And what was that that we should look for in a spouse? What else Dean and what else? Faith and what else? This is a problem. Are you all
married?
What do you look for? Either? attackin and tombola Dena, who? What?
If someone comes to you, whose religion is pleasing to you and whose character is pleasing to you? And in fact in some narrations, the prophets have a long
document on Hulu within how long if someone comes to you whose character and religion is pleasing to you? And what exactly is sort of see we understand the deen part or we somewhat understand the part when we talk about character we're usually completely lost what is what is character mean? Exactly? This character mean that it's a comedian does character mean that's a nice person this character mean that you know they're up for a Nobel Peace Prize or something like that? What exactly does character describe? Who can give me the definition of quote brothers or sisters from an Islamic perspective? Let's get interactive from now on shall if you don't mind, who can give me the
definition of what is for them? What is character?
Nobody.
You understand my American?
Like, I'll explain what Photoshop is.
Who can then tell me a joke that we make that includes the word of photo.
I'll give you the first part of a lot of McKenna accent the funky
accent.
Oh Allah, just as you have beautified my Canuck. My outward appearance, and of course there's a weaker narration but sort of there Am I still recommend this which is you say this when you're standing in front of the mirror, right? So you're seeing the hunt, you see the creation, you see how Allah Subhana Allah gave you limbs and he gave you a sense of beauty and you say Oh Allah as you have perfected my creation, perfect my could look right. And look in the Arabic language and what we can take from this doc when you say alone, the command center hope you say Oh Allah as you have beautified my external appearance, beautify my insight. So hello literally is your inner beauty. So
Pamela, how can you tell if a person has interviewed or not now we're talking about something that's impossible. How can you How can you you know
How can you analyze a person's photo? You can analyze their deed right by how serious they are. And, you know, there's ways to analyze their deeds. But how do you analyze their photos. And we go to a very, very important idea, because we're going to break away from marriage for a second. So guys, don't fall asleep on me. We're going to break away from marriage for a second, we're going to talk about the concept of put because I feel like this is very important to understanding what you look for in a spouse. Right? The prophet SAW a lot of money was sent out when he was describing
a woman or when a woman that was this was described to the Prophet slicin of that prayed all of herself a lot of that fasted that was observing all of the outward rituals of deemed but she was abusive to her neighbors. So how they came to the province is that Emma said, what happened to this woman? You know, her Dean was on, you know, was was on fire. She had everything that she was supposed to do from a dean perspective, but she was a very abusive neighbor, she abused everyone around her. Right? None of her neighbors liked her. What did the prophets say you guys have to wake up? Or else I'm gonna make you do push ups. That's how we do things.
In Louisiana,
what is the province like some say about that woman?
Anyone know paradise hellfire.
He said that she was in hellfire. But not only that, the prophets like Selim said something very interesting was the loss of a lot while he was still upset, let's have a look at her, you have to know.
She is completely deprived of good on the inside of season callfire. There is no good inside of her. Meaning if the dean did not translate into inner beauty. And if the inner beauty did not translate into good behavior, and good character and good actions, then the Dean was just a front. All that was not real. All that was superficial, all that was just the cover up all that was is putting a pretty face to a very ugly relationship with their Creator. Right, because that does not manifest itself, it did not penetrate the inside. And an obvious indication that it did not penetrate the insight is that they were not observing good character in good manners on the outside. Yes, it is
the same thing. Yes, there are ways to tell that a person is ugly on the inside. But at the end of the day, we don't make a judgment about that person's heart or their level of emotion. No, but there are ways to analyze the inner character of a person, the inner image of a person. And the proof of that also is that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam describes to us a person who comes on the Day of Judgment. He comes with his son, ah, he comes with his house, he comes with his car, he comes with the car, and he comes to the museum and he comes to the scale and in the museum, what's Wait,
what's wait in the museum resolve the scale on the Day of Judgment,
your deeds and what else? The Book of deeds, what else?
you yourself will be weighed on the Day of Judgment. But doesn't mean that if you wait a lot in terms of physical mass that, you know, because the province I set up, said yes.
You know, leave a huge person would come on the Day of Judgment, someone who is big, you know, huge feather is ignoring the law, he did not have that rule. But he does not weigh in the sight of a loss of habitat or the Wink of the mosquito. Whereas from the province I sent him was describing our beloved Mr. Or the alum of Thailand who
was a dwarf. I mean, in the fit in this, in the physical sense, was a very, very small person, extremely small, unusually small. And one time as he was picking a sea whack from the tree from the other country, the wind blew him up to have a look into the tree. That's how small he was. And his legs were exposed, and also how they started to land his legs. And the pilot's license. I said, What are you laughing about? What's so funny? They said, the honest thing, well look at his legs, they're so small, that's what we're laughing at the profits of a lot higher, some sense, you're laughing. But these two legs on the Day of Judgment, each one of them will weigh the weight of mounts with it.
out of luck. So the scale of a lot on the Day of Judgment is different from the scale in this life, thank God, right? It's different, but you yourself will be placed in the museum and a loss of habitat and we'll leave it good, have you some kind of love, meaning a love of way what your whole look, your whole look along the way your character, a loss of habitat, a little weight. And so this person the prophets lie Selim says he comes on the Day of Judgment, he has all of the outward actions and manifestations of Dean what I can sub the law, which says that what
he slandered this person, he hit this person, you know, he was rude to this person. Somehow he backed by this person. So what happens? All of those people that come and the only currency that exists on the Day of Judgment is what? Your deeds, so he's giving his good deeds to that person. So those people
Without any harm, because of his bad character, they're coming in, they're taking all of his good deeds, until he runs out of everything, all of his good deeds, and the only thing left are sins. And so he has nothing left to give, right? And so the people that he hurt would come in and they would start giving their sins to him. They start putting their sins on him. Look at the situation of this person. This is who the person was all of a sudden called on the Day of Judgment. is most of this as a Muslim? Muslim? Do you know who the bankrupt person is a person who's completely bankrupt. Now all of this tells us something very important that whenever we look for a spouse, when we look for
deals, that does not necessarily mean I look for the one who memorizes the most. That does not necessarily mean I look for the one who is the most strict, right or the most conservative, because sometimes people have those things, but they don't have good character. And the prophet SAW A lot of it was Sunday. It was as if some of the a lot of time I'm going to describe to tap into food for Adam, his whole of his character was the for Adam, for Adam young, she found out he was at 4am walking on the face of the earth, meaning what the prophets of the love it was sort of was such a pleasant person. So pound Allah, he wasn't just receiving legislation. No, you could there have been
books written about the romance of the Prophet, civil law, how it was set up, you know, the character of the prophets license, the etiquette of the prophets of Allah, how it was set up. And you can imagine whenever the prophets I send them such as Plato from Plato from the f&e, the best amongst you is He who is best to his wife on cinema with the low tide I haven't had such a lovely little luck. You told the truth or messenger of Allah sallallahu wasallam. Meaning what when your wife testifies on your behalf and says, Yes, he was an incredible human being, and it wants to because the voice of them was alive because even after he passed away, it would still be sad so that
they also love you told the truth of messenger of Allah sallallahu wasallam because Dean to the Prophet solo Lombardi who said that was not just legislation was not just ritualistic in its nature. It was not it was not just superficial in its nature, because if you reduce Dean to that, that it becomes just like beauty, just like wealth, just like other types of status, it becomes superficial in its nature, and it's no longer worth pursuits. So power law, the prophets like Selim was a pleasant person. Right, Canada sold a lot more than he was selling the salmon Lucha can this is an amazing idea that Isla de la vida describes the Prophet sly sentiment. He was always smiling, and he
was always laughing and the life of the Prophet sly seven was just a very large smile, right? But not only that, but I saw the aloneness of beset Amanda Hackett which means that not only was he always smiling, he would make everyone around him smile, kind of love. That's what the sad means. He wasn't just Boston beset. Not only was he always laughing in his way, so a lot of it was sort of everyone around him was laughing so hard. He was so meaning he was a pleasant individual. So a lot of people love to keep his company, people were not afraid of him. People did not want to stay away from him. So when you go looking for Dean, what is it that you're looking for? You're looking for
the dean from the outward aspect of practice, and you're looking for the inward beauty, the eternal beauty, or at least that which is apparent of it, in terms of actions and character and good behavior, and good morals. And those are the things that the prophets are long, it was not told us to look at what are the other things permissible. And you would notice that when the Prophet sly sulla, he said that you could marry a person for their beauty, physical attraction, or you could marry a person for their status, or you could marry a person for their wealth. Or you could marry them for their Deen. You could marry them for their faith and also lost license. I'm set up for the
visa that the integrity of that choose the dean make the dean your basis for going out and looking. May your hands be covered in dust. As Pamela This is something that the province I said on the show is giving us the mercy and wisdom of a sound. It's is it permissible to marry someone for their beauty?
Yes, it's permissible. Is it permissible to marry someone for their money?
Where's the ATM?
But the answer is yes.
But it's permissible.
It's permissible to marry someone for their money. Yes. Is it permissible to marry someone for their status? Yes, but is it why No. Are these the ingredients for a long lasting healthy, fruitful marriage? No. Can they be factors?
Yes. Can they be factors? Yes, but aren't should they be the basis of what
could become a fruitful marriage? Absolutely not. Because these are things that are superficial in their nature, they can be compliments to the basis which is the dean. Right? So whenever you get married, yes, you should be attracted to your spouse. Yes, there, there should be an element of attraction there. There is no doubt about that. That's why the Prophet sly seven was not unreasonable. You know, sometimes people branch out a lot, especially, you know, our our dear beloved generation that came down to us and they said, You know, I married your mother without having her seen her one time. I'm sitting there thinking to myself, like, that was a pretty, that
could have been a pretty disastrous decision.
Cuz What if the first time that you saw each other was wedding night? And
I'm stuck? That's not good. That's not good. Because the profits of the longlining was, what did he advise the young men who came to him asking, said you should go and look at her, you should go look at her. Meaning what it's not that she has to she has to be, you know, Mrs. Mecca at that time or something like that.
You know, she fulfills the minimum requirement of attraction, right? You're attracted to her? That's important. Right? And at the same time, yes, some sisters, you know, some have a law, you should know what you're what you're getting into when you marry someone who's having financial troubles, if you can handle that, and how the law, but if you're coming from a from a household where you've been spoiled your entire life, and then you go and you marry a guy who's just making ends meet, that's, that's the ingredient for a disastrous marriage. So it can be a factor Yes, that the person's well off that he's stable, right? And you don't want someone who's low in society and those types of
things. Like, you know, especially if you come from a higher level of society, that can be a factor, right? And we saw with zaidan zaman, both righteous people, but their level of status was a factor. It was a factor. Okay, so these can be factors, but the basis of looking and identify looking for a spouse, and identifying the spouse should be the things that will last forever, which are Diem unquote, and character, right? Is it always going to be a successful marriage? No, there will be times that someone will get suckered into what you know, into a marriage, and you will believe that you're marrying Mr. Right, Mr. Right, turns out to be the straw. That happens sometimes. Look at
afcea I need to set up a lot of time. Right now co was a good cheat box. Do you have Mr. Right? She thought that was Mr. Right? It was an honorable woman even before it's now you know, again, we're talking about what we're talking about character, character signs, even without a snap, because the province lice, and I'm such an analysis of either that people are like precious stones, you know, their jumps, the confidentiality of the outcome to the slot, the best amongst you, in the days of ignorance are the best amongst you. And it's not it's not does not do away with good character, it's not polished, has good character. It's not, you know, channel's good character in the right
direction. Right. So sometimes,
there are some situations like that there are, you know, factors that come into play, but, but at the end of the day, you look for what has the best chance and you put your trust in a loss of conduits. And there are so many things that come into play here. Number one, what is something that you should be doing when you want to get married? As far as anybody is concerned? so optimistic. Now, here's the funny thing. Sometimes people come and ask me shit, I want to praise the father and things of that sort. And then it's like, okay, you know, can you tell me what the father is? So basically, you're saying to that, you know, you're making the dough out to a loss, parents, Allah,
if this is good for me, make it easy for me if it's bad for me, take it away from me. And then some people have said this to me, some people said, but shit, I don't want to last contracts to take it away. Even if it's bad for me, can I just make the art for that person in particular? Like Fine, then what's the point of praying is to follow that I haven't really this is why By the way, when you look for the knowledge is so important. This was a situation that happened with me, I'm not even making this up a lot when we're talking about this, this model, by the way. So I think we all can agree that with our cultures, we have some very, very weird practices when it comes to the Father
sometimes. So here I was, you know, fresh in New Orleans, six years ago, and I'm thinking to myself, somehow, I'm going to I'm going to do some matchmaking now. And people are coming to me saying, you know, look, you know, can you find, can you find the husband for my sister? Can you find the husband for my daughter, and then the brothers are coming to me, and there's, you know, and the sisters are coming to me, and somehow I'm thinking to myself, all right matchmaking time. The problem was, of course, that every time I would find the proper match that person would happen to be from a different country. How the parents would just not have that, right, because we say we're not racist,
or not racist. So whenever whenever someone comes knocking on your door that's not from your tribe, and whose grandfather did not ride a donkey with your grandfather's right? It's like, No, no, no, we're not having that. We're not racist. We don't have a problem, but we're not having the right
Whereas
for the allowed to approach the beloved robot for their love life and habit, she an Ethiopian, who was a freed slave to come and marry from his family. Because we're looking for Dina and Kota, right, who was better than banality a long time. So anyway, it always turned out that you know, we have a DC that we have an Egyptian. Alright, next, we have a Hyderabadi. We have someone from Karachi next didn't work out we and it's like, why is this happening? So finally, I finally got a match going to doctors a lot because this is the girl was a doctor in the family said our daughter is not going to marry someone who's not a doctor, I said fine. With the doctor, everything worked up everything the
ball was rolling. Then the next morning, I get a call from the sister. I'm all excited because this is my first time making the match as a non investable bucket. And then I get a call from my sister. And she's crying and I said,
What happened? The guy might have said something ridiculous, the guy might have made her upset or something like that.
Suddenly,
I'm like,
Can you explain to me this is the bottom of your brain. So she's still crying. And she's explaining to me that in her culture from her tribe, they take six sheets of paper, they write yes on three and they write No.
I'm not making this up. I pray to put the pieces of paper under your pillow. And then after you wake up, pick one up.
All right. And then how many of you have heard the one about you're supposed to see certain colors in your dreams? Yeah, see? See that one? You probably still believe that was just talking about, you know, what are you talking about? You see certain colors in your dreams? Are you crazy? What are you getting this wrong?
But, again, we don't understand the concept of staccato. And then some people pray is the heart of the right way, which is the prayer to lock arms and to make the door up, which is basically again, all of this is good for me make it easy for me if it's bad for me put obstacles, you know, between me and did. And then if the answer the prompt the answer to this, the Hata truly manifests itself sometimes like hardcore obstacles. I'm not talking about like minor obstacles, I'm talking about hardcore obstacles, but you still insist that this is the one. So you're not responding to the you know, loss of habitat is giving you clear answers. At one point, everything is going wrong after
phase 200. But still, this is the one I want. Right? I'm going forth with. So you need to trust a loss paddleboards.
And you need to truly, when you're looking for a spouse, you need to really be sincere and wanting the spouse who has the best deed, and who has the best photo. And here's why. You know, a lot of times we talked about the concept of dating, right? Are we allowed to date and stuff? Well, it depends how you define dating, are we allowed to get to know one another before it's not and ask each other necessary? Questions. Yes, we can sit with each other, you know, as long as we're not alone, right? In a situation where, you know, one thing can lead to the other, so on so forth, you know, and by the way, there's someone when you're sitting together, there's Hello on the computer.
Also, there's cyber Hello. Like when you're talking to each other on Facebook chat or G sharp and nobody else is watching. And then you start getting a little bit flirty, and you start you start noticing that after a week, more smiley faces are popping up.
All right, this is not going this is not becoming You know, this isn't to the point anymore, you know what's happening at this point, right? So are we allowed to get to know one another? Yes. And in this day and age, in this day and age, I think it's absolutely important for you know, a potential husband and a potential wife to sit together and talk before they get married. It is vital at this point. Because, you know, these days, you know, people have very weird views have very weird leanings. And then all of a sudden when they get married, it's like, here's, you know, here's, here's the surprise, right? So many different surprises here and there to get together and to ask
each other to see what their common interests are. Their common goals, write their views on the keys are so important. Right? Not that after they get married, by the way, you're not allowed to work. By the way, you're not allowed to drive. By the way, you know, I married a second wife like 10 years ago.
know you're supposed to be Mr. No, you sit together and you and you ask one another, you talk to one another right, but not in a way that's inappropriate, not in a way that becomes flirtatious or unnecessary. Right? And does that work? statistically speaking, it works a whole lot better than the quote unquote love marriages. Whenever people come together and whenever people have experimented all of the things that they're not supposed to experience until after marriage and then once they get married, the only
thing that kicks in is responsibility. And that really sucks, you know, one responsibility gets kicked into it. It's like met, you know, I was enjoying myself without marriage, why do I have to get married now what's, you know, somehow? Why did I add all this undue burden upon myself? And then some Muslims asked, Well, why can't Why can't we, you know, we don't we don't have to sleep with each other, we don't have to commit to do all that stuff, why can't we just talk with each other? Why can't we just, you know, go out to each other with each other watch movie hold hands, things of that sort? And I'll explain to you why. At that point, and this is just human emotion, by the way.
Do you or do you not think that your decision will be biased after that?
Think about, the whole thing has become slanted at that point. Right? Because you're infatuated. And you might be taking that as being in love. But you're infatuated, right? You've already experienced the face that the person puts on outside, you've already experienced some of the joys and things of that sort. Right. And so your decision making is now a lot. Right. And at that point, let me tell you what happens. And this happens in MSA is your ice Sox, or whatever it is, and different different college organizations, different Islamic organizations? People have gotten to know one another than ship I want to marry her. Why do you want to marry her? Because she's religious? Okay.
Why is she religious? Because at that point, your decision making is flawed. You know why? Because everything she does at that point, or everything he does at that point, you're going to interpret as being religious. Like shift my son in law, she's so good. She prays the other day, the other day, I saw her driving and she was listening to
everything, you will force her to be religious, you will force him to be religious, even if they're not religious at that point. Why? Because you've already made up your mind. And your decision making is one at that point.
Your decision making is flawed at that point. Right. So somehow, Allah subhanaw taala gives us an opportunity, you pursue a person for them, and you pursued them for, and you pursued them thinking, you know, putting all of the factors into play, because this is an extremely important decision. Right? And you can imagine this parallel Why is there so much I love so much punishment that comes from just, you know, continuous dating and testing the waters here and there? You know, some kind of a lot, a lot of times just ask the ask the people that are some of you may have been in the situation where you used to do this, and now last guy to do and things of that sort, when you use
the date. That's help. That's torture. Right? You invest yourself emotionally into something you tell us you you tell someone, all of your secrets, none. All of that falls apart. And then you go, it's like a roller coaster, next person, right? You go through that you experience the joys, you think that this is the right person, and then boom, that's done too. And you keep going and going and going and going. And then once you get married, what makes you think that you're going to be able to have a happy marriage, you're already used to relationship failure. You've already been with different people. So you'll get sick of your spouse very, very, very quickly. And then you say, why
is the last time doing this to me? Right? Why did the last contact put me in an unhappy relationship? Think about that for a moment. So most of the time that he gives us women hayati, unqualified opinion and physical as well as
what's been accumulated from the cycle of lust for those who think and will constantly he created for you spouses from amongst yourselves, and here are the functions of the test school eat a half a second in the Arabic language is what?
Your home right? The tests will let you dwell with that person you find comfort in that person. What are the functions of a home? Right? Well, gyla Vina Kuma alleges that my wife is too one to please someone else. And compassion and mercy Alice kind of Tyler puts these things between the spouses, right? And they've grown together, they learn about each other over time. And you know, what, they're, they're learning to love everything about each other. And they're looking at each other from the lens of Dean and horlock. So even when these superficial things start to fall apart, because guess what, if you're beautiful, you get older, right? Whenever the beauty starts to fade
away, if money fades away, right? If the money starts to go down the drain, too, how many marriages fall apart because of financial troubles? Right? So not a lot. I mean, I was I was reading something in Newsweek, I remember, maybe a year ago there was talking about the effect of the economic crisis on marriages, that marriage cannot stand on its two feet anymore. Why? Because the money's gone. Everything's falling apart. So the things have been pulled apart there to hold that marriage, right. But Allah subhanho wa Taala gives us those things, you make that the basis, right, and a lot of kind of data also says, put money back into the vessel.
They are a garment for you and you are a garments for them. So essentially
Whenever I go looking for a person I'm looking for a person who's Am I looking for a person who's less than me indeed who I can correct that I can bring into my standard of being like yes he's really pretty and she has potential or he seems like a really good guy. Yes potential Do I look for someone who has potential? Do you walk into a supermarket and see a cloth? You know, see a shirt that's hanging and say, resort has a lot of potential. Might take it home and I cut it up. If it's not ready for me. If it's not ready, if this is not, this is not the shirt that I'm going to be able to put on tomorrow that's going to immediately beautify me I don't want that shirt. Right. So
somehow, I don't look for potential I don't even look for someone who's this equal to me indeed, what do I look for I look for someone who's better than me and being so that they can cover my faults and beautify me in those same spots where I know that I'm lacking right? I know that I can do better right so I look for for someone who's better in deemed to make me that better person. Right? And hello, because Hello is important to Yes, there are some people that on the way to becoming religious people turn up somehow a lot. I always say this, you know, on your way to becoming a religious person don't become a crappy human being. Seriously, some people on their way to becoming
religious become jerk somewhere along the line, right, become judgmental, become arrogant, become prideful, they start to think that they have understood the poor and soon and everybody else's upon that, and you know, the truth lies through me and things of that sort. You avoid those types of people. Trust me, those people are worse than the ones that don't have been around for because they're using the dean. And they're just adding that into their superficiality. Right, you look for those things that can you know, you look for that person that wants to grow in the dean. And if the priority is Dean, if the priority is optional, then you will see incredible things happen and you
will see that that relationship will be able to extend the trials and the other thing, and I'm going to end with just one story. This is a very powerful story story. And it shows you what the dean is about. You know, it shows you that the how Dean can actually infuse love inside the relationship. You know, there's a hadith from the messengers lycett have tried to tell the story. It's a beautiful Hadith, right?
Allah narratives, Muslims and authentic hadith the Prophet slice.
Rafi most love. bombing a lady for sola was a mother.
But in other more happy when she has, what may Allah have mercy on a man who wakes up in the middle of the night to pray? Right, he wakes up for a piano. So he wakes up his wife to pray, and she refuses, you don't see her she stands up and grace. And if she refuses, he goes and he takes a little bit of water. Okay, he doesn't go and take a Florida
you know, water gun, no, goes be takes a little bit of water, he sprinkles it on her face so that she could wake up and agree with him. Right? And then
we're rocking her while her comments mean a lady for some that's what a
mother has the what's up and not as may Allah have mercy on a woman who wakes up in the middle of the night. This is a two way street. Remember, this is a two way street, she wakes up in the middle of the night to pray. And she tries to wake up her husband to pray to and if he refuses, she takes some water and she sprinkles it into his face, right to wake him up, right to people that are growing in the dean together to people that are looking for something that cannot be given to them and this world, what they know is guaranteed, so long as the other person is capable of getting me closer to that goal, then that person is a valuable asset to my life. It's as simple as that, so
long as I can see this person as someone who's bringing me closer to my goal. So if my goal is accurate, then I need that person in my life. Right. So Pamela, you know, and once you start seeing marriage that way, rather than just you know, you know, of course, you started off with the right way you start looking for the things that sort of as long as you see marriage in that way, rather than just a trial run. Because in this day and age, honestly, you go into a marriage, and that possibility that looming possibility that this might be this might not be the right one is always there. And that haunts you. And at the end of the day, it's almost like you have more than a 50%
chance of getting divorced, even in the Muslim community, by the way, divorce rates are going up. Why? Because they start for the wrong reasons. They're built upon faulty foundations, right? So they're not able to hold that pressure. They're not able to extend it. So somehow a lot. But if we looked at it with a sense that this is something that's permanent, I have to make this work only under you know, only under extreme circumstances Am I going to let this fall apart, then you'll make it work in Charlottetown. You'll compromise for the other person you'll compromise to make things work. Why because at the end of the day, when I married this person for Dean, they still got them
and they're still looking for the same goal I'm looking for. And we're helping each other get there and sell well. And I'll end with one story because this is something that's a very, very touching story. And just to give you some background of the story
It's about that all the time. Now before I talk about that, and what I want to get to the alumni to handle
was someone who narrates the Hadith about the virtues of knowledge. Right? He's someone who traveled around the world seeking and teaching this not he had a lot of knowledge will be a long time. And he was overly enthusiastic about you know about the dean whenever it came to him. So whenever the profits on the long run, he would send them parents off the unslotted with the mohajir right whenever the profit slice of them came to Medina, every unsavoury every local of Medina hosted One of them was the one of the people that was expelled from Mecca, the travelers, those who immigrated from Mecca, right, hosted them in their house and the problem slicin impaired everyone, a brother
from the outside with a brother from the hygiene. Right, who was the brother of a Buddha?
semantic fallacy we'll be a little tight on so not if it wasn't
Yes, not from Mecca. But from from Persian. Right, he was he was going around looking for the Prophet slice of them from prison. And he found the profit slice of them in the time, whenever the problems lie, some had just made it to the right sort of similar size comparison not with up with the duck. Whenever I said man gets to the house of the duck. And this was before the I A few jobs had been revealed. Okay, the ISP job the Command key Jobs was not revealed until four years after hits. At this time, the ifu Job had not been revealed. He sees only the day he walks into the house and she has a clock that's beat up. Right? It doesn't have much. You know, it doesn't, you know,
it's got patches all over it stains all over it. She doesn't you know, she has blisters on her hands. Right? And he feels sorry for him. She says when he says to her
and she says smiling with contentment. She says your brother that has no need for this world. Right? So So normally a lot of time I wanted to get him home more often. So some man finds out that obligor that is fasting, Samantha's I want lunch come to the house and you've got a certain electric guy he wants to go he brings him home, forces him to eat lunch with him. Right. And then at night, whenever that wants to stand up and print the omelette said Mom will be a long time who wants to go to sleep, don't bother me with your thought and things of that sort. You know, he forces him to sleep with his wife, right to be with his wife. And then they go to the profit slice.
And what that does to the profit by some is what he's doing right. You know, he's taking me away from the ATM, he's taking me away from the ATM things of that sort. Right in the profit. So I still have agreed with some not and he said Verily, Allah has right upon you. Your family has right upon you, yourself has a right upon you. Right. So you have to give each one its due. Right. So your family has the right party. So that was the law on who we can take from that, that he improved, because he's someone that listened to the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. So we can say from that, that he improved, but his financial situation was never really great. Right? Oh my god, that will be a
long time. It
was someone who used to be around the province of the linesman fair from a very, very young age, a little girl that used to play the muslin and things of that sort. And someone who grew up loving knowledge. Right. Now, let's fast forward about 40 years ago, the Aloma time I was about to die.
And he's with his wife, Ruth.
Omega, that will be a long time I've never really tasted the sweetness of the studio, because although you can take from this a little bit of that was surely spending more time with her and things of that sort. He never became a rich man.
And she senior husband died. And what does she say to her husband at that moment? She says to him, listen,
whenever you came to propose for me in this dunya, you asked my father, for my hands, and I accept it.
So she says to him, so as a loss of hand, which for me to be your wife, and
I want to be your wife and gentlemen.
They were both looking for the same goal right? Now you could take from that you could say, you know, that was probably just emotional talk, right? When a person's leaving anyway, this like, they start to talk about this type of stuff. And everyone gets you know, everyone becomes nice, whatever death is taking place and things of that sort. This is probably why this was off. That's probably why she settled up. But guess what happens after that. When that passes away? She gets a proposal a marriage proposal. Yes, from from one Alia, even me, Sophia will be a lot of time who is the halifa of the Muslims, she gets a proposal. And while we only have a long time, I'm with someone who's
wealthy. You know, he's someone who has status in the eyes of Muslims rights from Qatar and watching those who wrote the way he's one of the companions of the messenger soul lives on him. And he's sending a proposal to
Thailand and listen to them
sponsors, that will be a lot of time. She says I cannot marry you, because I'm already engaged in
Unbelievable. Unbelievable. What was he thinking of? Where was her heart? Where was her mind? Where was her mission? It was with coming closer to a loss of continuity. And that marriage, even though it did not have the things that we would think make America successful and make a marriage good, it had that ingredient that cannot be taken away by any economic crisis that cannot be taken away by any aging process. It has one of the lowest pentatonic and you look for a person who's going to who's going to be whenever you marry a person, don't think about that person as just being your spouse can dystonia. Think about that person as being your spouse in paradise. Is this a person that
I can see getting to paradise and we know that agenda? If one person makes it to a higher level of Paradise from the family? What did they do to the lower one? Does the higher person go down to the lower one? No, come on up, they drag you up. If you have a family of righteous people, if you have rights as children, you have a right to spouse, your wife is more righteous than you and you just made an agenda and she's up there then for the dose, she will come down and get you and all of your kids and shuttle on time. Right. So whenever you look to get married, look for the person that is be fitting to you in this dunya and in the Acura I asked the last panel tada to bless us all with
fruitful and with good marriages and I asked Allah subhanaw taala to make us amongst the righteous ourselves and we make the drop even from our childhood we consistently
have a habit of watching out
for what
subpoena email
as well as you know the reality in authoritarian subpoena email proper, as well as you know, literally atina
which I'm not in would subpoena him Allah. Oh Allah grant us from our spouses and from our children, the coolness of our eyes, the source of the coolness of our eyes, and make us for the puppy and for the community of believers and righteous enough to make us leaders come to the community of the righteous does not come along.