Nouman Ali Khan – Responsibilities of Husbands & Wives

			Al Hamdulillah Allah didn't
		

			want me to be here when at our q&a when I wrote to be human surely unforeseen a woman say it I'm
Elena manyata Hello fellow mobile ala woman your fellow hajela when a shadow Allah Allah illallah wa
de la sharika when a shadow Mohammed Abdullah what a solo Salah hola hola Allah Buddha dealhack
leovera who Allah de Nicola de Vaca fabula he shahida for sallallahu alayhi wa seldom at the
Sleeman, kathira and kathira.
		

			De Fuca tabula will hire Alhaji Mohammed in Salalah alayhi wa sallam are in a shotgun ohmori mcdata
to her were in La,
		

			La La La La La La La La La La La La yaku subhanho wa Taala Kitab al Karim bada Nakula rubella homina
shaytani r Rajim Regina Luca Mona Lisa, B ma Ba ba ba ba ba ba, ba ba Ma and Falco minimally him for
soil he had to carnita two and half a lot Don't delay the Mahaffey. Voila, I are rubbish actually
salary we assume the MD wailuku data melissani only, I mean, yeah, but I mean, I particularly pray
to Allah azza wa jal, but he gives me clarity and speech today because I the first half of this
club, but a lot of men are going to be upset with me. And by the second half of this football, a lot
of women are going to be upset with me, but that's okay. We have to be honest with the word of
		

			Allah. And we cannot be you know, pinata show him walk shoni Don't be afraid of people be afraid of
Allah. Right. And the things that I'm going to share with you today about this incredible,
incredible I have the Quran is not because I am living by this ayah and you are not living by this
ayah all of us are trying to strive to live up to the standard of the word of Allah. The word of
Allah is perfect in and of itself. But it did not come for perfect people. Allah guidance is not for
angels unless guidance is for human beings. And Allah knows that we make mistakes. And so when we
think of the ayat of the Quran, the wrong attitude is well that's in the Quran, that's for the
		

			greatest people ever. That's not for me, it is for me, and it is for you. And if we're not living up
to it, then we're supposed to try to live up to it, right. That's what we're supposed to try to do.
So we're going to listen to these IOD This is just as much a reminder to myself and advice to
myself, and even a an incrimination of myself as it is of all of you. And that's really how we're
supposed to think about the advice of Allah, it is for you, fi crookham Kanyakumari Satomura become
advice counsel has come to you from a law take it seriously. It's a law that's telling you that
which is good for you. So our subject today, in short lies the relationship between men and women.
		

			And this is the second half of this ayah is very famous, especially in western circles, and in
modern circles, because they use this idea of certain Nyssa to say men are allowed to hit women, you
know, probably wound now, that's what we move on now, which comes later on in this ayah. But today,
that is not the subject at all, so much injustice is done to this ayah because the first half of
this ayah nobody even talks about, we're going to talk about that first half of the ayah today,
which is hard enough to take in as hard enough to internalize what a lie saying in that first half.
Okay, so now the first thing I want to tell you, Allah gave us a score on in melissani rB mubin. In
		

			clear Arabic language, Allah says the Quran is clear. And one of the reasons that the Quran is clear
is that the Arabic language is extremely clear, and it clarifies things. So we if we, if you're
going to be honest with the book of Allah, you have to be honest with the language, you cannot read
a meaning into the ayah that the Arabic language doesn't allow. You have to stay within the meaning
and a lot. Unfortunately, this ayah the way it's translated a lot of times a great injustice is done
to the meaning of the Arabic language out of reach Aluko Mona Lisa is how this ayah begins. Men are
I won't translate yet men archiwum over women, men are the Arabic word is a warm over women. And
		

			this is translated sometimes men are authority over women, men are in charge over women. And I'd
like to share with you first and foremost that the word Guam, which comes from karma, cough, wow.
And meaning the Arabic language has nothing to do with authority, and nothing to do with being in
charge at all. In the exhaustive Dictionary of the Arabic language of the pages and pages you're
going to read that have to do with this word authority simply isn't there. Now if you want to make
sure men are authority over women go find the reason somewhere else but not in the book of Allah,
not in desire. Not in this ayah that is not just a crime against women, and much bigger This is a
		

			crime against a law because now you're not being honest with what Allah Himself said. subhanahu wa
taala.
		

			On think about this from another perspective, from an Imani perspective first you know a lot chose
of all the languages he chose Arabic. And of all the words of the Arabic language there's like maybe
2% of the Arabic language is used in the Quran.
		

			50 times more Arabic exists, and only 2% is found in the Quran 2% of the vocabulary. And after 2% a
very small percentage is used a lot honored it's so much meaning this is the most noble words of the
Arabic language. Allah chose them for his own words right. And among them are words that
		

			I chose to describe himself. So very, very few words in the Quran have the honor and have the very
few words in language have the honor of being used to describe Allah Himself. And the word Kawan
actually shares a route with one of the names of Allah, Allah you, Allahu Allah, Allah, Allah who
will tell you, it's the same origin. This word itself, the meanings of this word itself are sacred.
Allah chose it, to even describe himself, to not be honest with the meanings of this word, is to be
extremely blasphemous, is a very serious thing. So the first thing I'm going to try to do is try to
explain some of the meanings of the word Kawan before we get into the AI itself, okay, john
		

			comunale, Lisa, men archiwum over women. The word Kawan comes from the word karma which is nakivo
Julius, it's the opposite of setting arm actually means standing, like the army karma to Salah karma
to Salah it comes from the same origin and the idea of being standing is actually being active,
figuratively speaking, and sitting means being inactive. Men have to be active play an active role
in the lives of the women of their family. They cannot sit idly by or be passive. When it comes to
taking the relationship of women in their household. The first thing that comes from the word go and
by the way, Allah is the Malcolm, he's actively involved in everything he created. He didn't just
		

			create something and leave it alone. He's actively involved the idea of someone taking a seat taking
taking a seat back actually suggest that somebody is uninvolved. So men are incredibly involved in
the lives of women a woman the first implication and pm yet TV mannerism pm comes in the meaning of
commitment and resolve when you don't give up on something and you don't abandon something and you
hold on to something that's the meaning allows them for example, if common for color is as a
muhfucka, Paloma comma, Abdullah he was not as Omar Abdullah when the when, when the slave of Allah
showed commitment and stood up, men are supposed to show over and over again, their commitment to
		

			women. Men are committed to women. Actually, I would translate because this is seehotel mobila haka
one, four, and I would actually have to translate men are repeatedly and incredibly committed to
women. Men are incredibly committed to them. That's the second implication. They're active
participants in the lives of women, and they're incredibly committed to women. That's the second
meaning. The third meaning mallozzi men will have you been someone who is always by someone else
sticks with them, is with them. There's one thing to be committed to someone in a distance, but
actually to be close with someone and to accompany someone all the time, and then protect them to be
		

			protective of someone. Men are to be in close proximity to women, men are supposed to stay close to
women and stick with them. And at the same time, they're supposed to be protective of them. Men are
protective of women. This is the next meaning. And then, you know, caccamo wakawaka. But the other
meaning of PRM is to actually stay in place. Men are constant sources of support that stay there for
women men are not unstable sources of reliance for women. Women need that stability in their life,
according to a larger women and men will provide that stability, and chiamo v. Tina over here.
Finally, the word pm also means to take care of something. And that's why an okay translation of the
		

			ayah is also a vigil como una Nisa, men are maintainers of women, caretakers of women. These are the
meanings of Calum. Now, in this ayah we're not even going forward yet, just in this phrase, you know
what we've learned, we've learned that Allah azza wa jal put men in a huge position of
responsibility over women.
		

			I'm not saying authority, I'm saying responsibility, our responsibility to take care of them to be
committed with them, to stick to them to be a pillar by their side to be a constant source of
support to be someone when their life is falling apart. They know that this this is not gonna fall
apart, they can lean on this. And Allah did not say husbands are Gowon to wives, he said men are
Kawan to women, even though the overall subject of the ayah is about husbands and wives. This is
also for fathers and daughters. This is also for brothers and sisters. This is also for uncles and
nieces. You know, any women in your family, they will need support from you. This is also for
		

			mothers who will find support in their sons, they will find that support, and that's why the
language opens in a broad way and then constricts itself to the marriage relationship. This is the
Junko Mona Lisa, one last thing about this phrase of the Junko mama and Anita la cama.
		

			cama for Mr. Karma is really tasty. coma actually means fairness. Men are going to be repeatedly
fair to women, they're going to check themselves over and over again. Am I being fair? Am I being
unfair? Am I justified in what I said and did or not there are going to be judged fair judges over
women over and over and over again, in every situation that comes their dealings, they'll have to
check. And by the way, that word Guam suggests repetition, something that's done over and over
again. In other words, you cannot
		

			assume you're always fear every situation you're gonna have to reevaluate yourself was I fear was I
fear was I fear was I fear it was I fear, you're gonna have to keep questioning that. And so Allah
puts this in the form of Kabbalah. In other words, men are kolam over women. He doesn't say men are
supposed to be. He says, just this is what they are. This is it. As if men don't have a choice. It's
a matter of fact. It's not what you should do. This is what you're going to do. And that's it.
There's no discussion. If there's room for discussion, you say this should be Leah qunar Rizal Amina
Allah Nisa. Perhaps men should be young, both in religion and yaku caminada. No, no, no. Men are
		

			supposed to be No, he's not supposed to be, this is what you are. And that's it, the
responsibilities already been dropped on you. That's the first part, then the next part be my
football Allahu la Hamada bow, because of the favor, Allah gave some over others. The next part is
Allah made men maintainers caretakers, you know providers sources of support for women, because
Allah on account of the fact that a lot favored some over others, I'm trying to translate carefully,
Allah favorite, some over others. Allah did not say be mahabhava, whom Allahu Allah him not. Because
Allah favored men over women.
		

			That's not what Allah said. Allah said, Allah favored some over others, you know what that means?
That means, in the first part of this, if I've tried to explain this to you properly, you have not
been given an advantage, you've been given a responsibility.
		

			The advantage has actually gone to women, you're the one taking care of them, you're the one
providing support to them over and over and over again, you're the one protecting them over and over
and over again, when you're the guard. And they're the one being guarded, who's the beneficiary they
are, they've been given an advantage. And so in the one sense, some some people read this, I assume
immediately, this ayah means men have an advantage over women, you look at it carefully, who's been
given the advantage, you look at it carefully, unless has somehow been given advantage over others.
In other words, men have this responsibility, and they will have other advantages. And women have
		

			been given responsibility, and they will have other advantages. Allies balancing the equation, this
is what Allah does. Whenever he mentions a disadvantage, he counters it, you know. And so now on the
other side would be my akumina, Mali, him, and they have been made maintainers caretakers provided
all of this over women, why on account of what because they are to spend from their own monies.
Puppy Martin, Falco, Minam, Wiley, him, Allah has given you no choice in the matter. You cannot go
with your wife to a restaurant until you pay your family's rich.
		

			You can't do that. No shop for yourself. There are so many people, so many couples that are having
money trouble. And the husband says you earn your job money. And if you can't get a job, then too
bad. I'm not getting groceries for you. You have to take care of yourself, I'll take care of myself.
Allah says men don't have a choice, they will provide for their women, and they will not touch them.
The woman's money is not even talked about. What is hers is hers. And what's yours is hers.
		

			Or mine. for him. That's literally what Allah did. That's what comes with being a man tough.
		

			And now the other thing, you're supposed to repeatedly Take care, she's getting angry, and you're
still a source of support, she's getting upset with you and you're still sticking with her, you
don't slam the door and walk out and say I had enough of this, I'm out. You can't without him and
you're committed, you're coming, that's what you are. Now, this seems kind of unfair. I mean, she
gets to do whatever he wants. And I have to put up with all of this, you know, and I got to spend my
money to remind him congratulations on being a man. You know, this is the first half of the IRA. But
then we move to the second half of the ayah. and sisters, I am not sorry. Just like I'm not sorry to
		

			the brothers, for therefore, the next word is past suburbia. Therefore, in other words, men will be
this way, men are this way. Therefore, here's how women are going to be
		

			women also have a responsibility in this ayah.
		

			And as I say that a lot of men start smiling.
		

			Because finally their turn, at least I'll get the second half of the recording of this called by and
shared with them, you know, so they don't use the first half. Everybody wants to hear what will
advantage them. And they don't want to hear but we'll put them on trial. But you know what, in front
of Allah, we are all slaves of Allah. We're all slaves of Allah in the law kind of alien kaviraj.
Allah is the supreme the high. Don't try to take the word of Allah and put yourself in a higher
position. Don't try to somebody else take the word of a lie and put themselves in a higher position.
This is why those are the rights and responsibilities level saying the law. Allah, Allah is the
		

			ultimately higher Why are you trying to take a higher advantage using the word of Allah? That's not
what the
		

			Word of Allah came for. So now even though I am a man, I have no right some sister will say I have
no right to speak about women. I you're right I don't. But I do have to share what I've come to
understand from alows word and you have to do your own study. So I'm going to share what I've come
to understand inshallah with Allah to the best of my ability. May Allah help me for slightly hot he
begins therefore good women.
		

			Now notice the part about men began with the original it didn't say asylee hoonah comunale. Nisha,
good men are caretakers of women. He said All men are all men are. But when it came to women, he did
not begin with the word women. He didn't begin with anessa. Vanessa, Connie, Tottenham, no, no, no
for Sally Hart. Elias saying that what is going to be described about women isn't actually naturally
the case for all women, they're going to have to make an extra effort to be this way, as a result of
what a man is trying to do. He's trying to provide, he's trying to be a source of support, and he's
doing so over and over and over again, and they're going to have to be the first thing solly had a
		

			poor translation, they're gonna have to be good, but we're gonna have to understand what funny hot
means. sila, or saleha, in Arabic actually is the opposite of fossa. When something is bad,
something is disgusting or ugly or corrupt. And when you fix it, saleha Salah has both nasm and Mata
IV have something to become good or for you to fix something for you to fix something. Now what
women are being told in this ayah is that actually they have they can have a tendency, they may or
may not have it, but they have the ability to have a tendency that no matter what good is done for
them, they can't see good in it.
		

			They just can't see it in it. They don't see it. So what Oh, you think just because you did the
groceries, I'm supposed to respect you now.
		

			And then you can say Salaam Alaikum. And she'll say Wiley como Salam. But the way in which my sister
the way in which you will say while the como Salah is corrupt is ugly.
		

			There's no love in it. There's no respect in it. There's spite in it. There's hatred in it, there's
disrepair, there's this, there's this rejection in it. You're saying good words, but they're not
solid. And you end there's anger? Well, he didn't call me last night, or he didn't do this, or you
didn't do that. And there's all these reasons for you to be upset. Now he's trying over and over to
be calm, and he's not perfect. He's gonna mess up. And you're going to always have reasons to be
angry. Well, law lien? You can any wife that's sitting in the audience here, do you have any reason
to be upset with your husband? There are going to be reasons, even if she says no, no, no, in her
		

			mind, there's going to be a list.
		

			And our mind is going to be a list. And if I say can you just write them down on paper? She's gonna
say do you have a notepad, I don't think a paper is enough. You know, there are going to be reasons
for her to be upset. And yet Allah says the first quality she's supposed to have is to fight that
tendency to hold a grudge and to be angry, and to let that cloud the way she speaks and the way she
carries herself, but actually become a person that wants to reconcile that wants to fix that wants
to move on and not let things get corrupt, not let things get ugly. By the way, facade is also used
for like facade, Levin facade, facade, facade, Tom, when food goes bad, when you don't take care of
		

			food goes bad. And you have to take extra precaution to make sure it stays fresh or stays clean and
doesn't get, you know, doesn't get infected. She's constantly going to have to survey herself and
her attitude. That's the first quality. Why should she do it? Then she asks, Why should I do this?
He doesn't deserve it. You know what he smells like? Do you know what he looks like? You know, he
talks like, brother and gives us hope. But you don't understand my situation. Yes, you're right. I
don't understand your situation, but a lie does. I'm not talking to you about what I think I'm
telling you what a law says. And he gives the reason in the next next description of women. Why
		

			should you be motivated to be this way? Connie Totten, because you're willing and obedient, willing
and ready to serve Allah? Who goes back to Allah qumola he called it is macadam for us only to Allah
should you be subservient. So when women are described as subservient, their relationship and their
attitude with their husband is actually directly related to their connection with Allah. And when
their attitude becomes corrupt, when their demeanor becomes spiteful, then actually that's an
indication to yourself not for your husband to pointed out to you for you yourself, of how far
you're traversing from your connection with Allah. And it gets so bad at sometimes I've heard this
		

			with my own ears. A woman well educated, well educated learn it in the religion. She's arguing with
her husband, she'll she gets mad at him, and she won't even sleep in the same bed. She won't even
say when he comes home, she won't even look at him for weeks. And when she starts arguing, and he
says you're you your soul, you learn the religion you pray every day. You know, you're so good in
Islam, why are you so mean to me? And she says, Well, right now I don't have to be more
		

			them, okay. Literally, right now I'm a Hindu.
		

			These words come out of knowledgable religion with religious women. It's shocking, because the
relationship with a law gets cut, when you're spiked towards your man is so high, everything gets
blocked off. Even your relationship with God, it's shocking.
		

			You have to check yourself. You know, thank God, they can't see me right now. Connie Tato, they have
to be subservient to Allah, then he adds half a lot on the line guarding cons consistently guarding
lynnhaven. For what, what is what can't be seen. Now what does that mean guarding what can't be
seen, the first meaning of that is these women have to guard the dignity, the integrity, the
respect, and the trust of their husbands when the husband is not around. They shouldn't be talking
to their friends about how bad he is. Because he can't be there to defend himself. They shouldn't be
talking to other men, if he doesn't want them talking to other men, they shouldn't be going places
		

			he didn't want them to go, or he's never gonna find out. He's at work until 6pm. He's never gonna
know. He's completely in the shade. They're invisible, the daytime, they're invisible guys at work,
or whatever is traveling. And they can do whatever they want. The first meaning of this is actually
they protect themselves from what he doesn't want them to do.
		

			And by the way, interestingly enough, Haffield Guardian is also caretaker
		

			caretaker. That's the first meaning here. The second meaning of life, which is profound is that they
there are some things you cannot see. You cannot see your husband, when he's at work. You can't see
your husband when he's traveling. You can't see your husband when he's checking into a flight at the
airport. You can't see who is sitting next to. And you all know what I'm talking about. You can't
see that. You can't see the trials and the temptations that this man that married to you faces when
he goes outside? How the women at the office, talk to him, how people look at him who he interacts
with. You can't control any of it. You don't see any of it. But you know what, even if you don't see
		

			it, you can't be blind to it. You have to guard what you can't even see. You know, elsewhere in the
Quran, Rama kanani, Lavie halfling, how can we guard over something we can't even see? How can we be
careful about something we can't even see, and women are being told, listen up, I know you can't see
it. But you better watch for it anyway. You better take care of your husband, as if to think that
what you cannot see still exists, they have to go out of their way to be good to their husbands to
take care of their needs to be attractive to their husbands to be loving and caring to their
husbands. They have to do all of these things, and then not assume while he's ugly anyway, who's
		

			gonna like him outside?
		

			Who's gonna look at him, I have to take care of him, whatever, he can't do anything. They develop
this attitude. And once that attitude develops in the mind of a woman, she starts demeaning. Her
husband puts him down and assumes that there is a kind of, well, I don't have to do anything to take
care of this relationship. And ally is countering all of it. Because men try to continuously
maintain, maintain, maintain, take care, take care, take care, it has to be reciprocated. On the
other end, you have to take care of your husband, and you have to guard for the unseen, you have to
know that he might just you don't take care of yourself and your relationship with him, you'll lose
		

			him. Don't assume that you're gonna keep him you will lose him. And even if you don't lose him
explicitly, you might lose him emotionally, you might emotionally divorce himself from you. He may
not even look at you with the eyes of love. He may he may walk into the house with resentment. Why
am I walking into this battlefield again? Oh my god, what's he gonna say today?
		

			If that happens between the husband and the wife, what's the point of a marriage left? When Allah
says the dusk UI layout so you go to them so you can find these? So you can find tranquility and now
you have situations where in the marriage The only time a man does not find peace and tranquility is
when he's around his wife.
		

			This is the tragedy on either side. Men not doing their job women not doing their job for salejaw to
Canada to half a lot when they leave the Mojave. Voila, law and the word have also the sisters
Listen up. In the beginning of my football, I said that men share a response should have been given
a word of responsibility that is so noble that one of the last names it goes back to that word go
on. I said that in the beginning. And now the final attribute for women is hafi lottoland. Right the
word half is what long halen one half. One is a name of Allah Hafiz is one of the names of Allah.
And Allah Allah collegia in half Eve in arrabiata colletion Hafiz. My master is halfway over all
		

			things. This is one of the shared names of a lot. In other words, this is a divine responsibility
for you to guard and safeguard this relationship. And by the way, you never use the word guard
unless
		

			Something is in danger. Never. You don't have to guard something that's not in danger. What are what
is the law telling women? And what is the law telling men, when men are told, no one cared, take
care over and over and over again, it actually means if you don't repeatedly Take care, it will fall
apart. And what are women being told, if you don't watch guard and be destroyed, you lose it.
		

			It's actually very powerful that both sides have been given this balance for salejaw to call it out
on half a lot on the baby mama happy Mama. The rest of the ayah is this, you know, discussion for
another time. But the last thing inshallah huhtala that I want to share with you,
		

			when it comes to safeguarding, when when it comes to being cold, warm, it actually takes a serious
amount of communication between both sides, admission of one's own fault.
		

			And you have to end it comes a point where you know, there's a point in a relationship where you can
fix things. There's a point where you can fix things, but we're human beings, a time comes where you
can no longer fix it.
		

			It's broken, and it's done.
		

			This is why in the next if 15 shikaka by Nima. If you're afraid that a schism a crack is going to
happen between the two of them. Now that is, if you're afraid that a crack might happen, which means
a crack has not necessarily happened yet. Then you can get counsel then you can get outside help. If
you're in a relationship where you're fearing the crack is already showing up. But it's not big
enough yet. Get outside help get other people involved for ethical hacker mamina Lee? Well, how come
Amina get wise good sound decision making people sensible people from her family and his family
involved. Don't get stupid people involved. Don't get people involved that will only make the fight
		

			worse, and make the situation worse for you and for her.
		

			Not those people, not the people that you complain to and say I feel you bro. Yeah, they're all like
that. Why don't you come and help me out here as a counselor? No, no, no, you don't need an extra
gloves in the boxing ring. You don't need that. How come on people that will make sound decision can
reasonably talk to both of you. You know, and that can represent her interests and yours, get
outside help. But the power of this is if you're afraid that still hasn't happened yet. If you don't
take the right precautions, it might just happen. It might just happen. And it does. And the Quran
is realistic about that the Quran does not is not like the Christian doctrine of marriage. You know,
		

			the Christian view of marriage, marriage is a sacred bond until death and there's no way it can ever
be broken. No way can ever be ended. But in the book of Allah, divorce is talked about so
exhaustively, so extensively. Why? Because it's a reality.
		

			If you don't take care of it, it'll die.
		

			It'll then people will be impossible for two people to live together. You don't want it to come to
that point. You want to be able to save it before it gets to that point. May Allah azza wa jal
protect our marriages. And may Allah azza wa jal give support to those who have gone through a
divorce and realize that we don't like he promises your vanilla insanity, that he will give them
independence from his own vastness. What a beautiful gift Allah gave to those who have gone through
the difficulty of divorce. Allah will make them independent, and He will give them from his own
treasure of vastness. He never says that about anybody but he talks about that for people who are
		

			divorced. They're not condemned people. They're not condemned people realize that we don't protect
our marriages once again and bless them And may Allah azza wa jal give goodness in the hearts of men
and women that they are able to live up to this beautiful, beautiful advice that Allah has given
them. barakallahu li walakum filco Anil Hakeem when finally we are coming is Hakeem.
		

			hamdulillah salat wa Salatu was Salam O Allah Abadi Latino Safa Hassan Allah, Allah him Mohammad
Nabi Mohammed Al Ameen. ala alihi wa sahbihi yaku la gente de Kitab Hill Karim bada and akula
Ministry of Energy in the LA Mola Casa Luna Allenby Yeah, you Hello Tina amanu sallu alayhi wa
Sallim wa Taslima Allahumma salli. ala Muhammad Allah Allah Allah Mohammed Camus Allah Allah, Allah
Allah, Al amin in naka hamidah Majid Allahumma barik ala Muhammad Ali Muhammad
		

			Rahim.
		

			Allah mean in the Gambia Majid Mr. de la rahima como la la ilaha
		

			IL
		

			Allah akbar Allahu Allah Mata stone, aka masala in LA salata.