Nouman Ali Khan – Emotionally Traumatized, Spiritually Recovering #04

			hamdu Lillahi holofil would you live in a large majority newly winner volume or mostly just somebody
with a mobile data with you Allah let them finish guru who added masa AB can manage guru who Alinea
one of solea Allah rasulillah chrome shadowfell Ashram we will neural atom will cater with makan or
command in the beginner will have some say they will have the Adam and Eve a shot over here is
salumeria with Oliveira city here, Rahim alayhis salam in a county of Furukawa debating la Haram.
For some Allahu alayhi wa sallam, he hide in Oman, La Nina barakallahu Bianca fitness a lot of
amenti 100 Allah Allah de la mia tequila Don William yaku Kula who shaniqua Facebook Allah Nicola
		

			Julio minutos de what can beautiful tequila and hamdulillah Illa De Anza Allah Allah
		

			Allahu Allah. Allah hamdulillah Latina Ahmed who want to start earning who want to sell Pharaoh we
know we want to tell our Kalani when our Ruby let him in surely unforeseen. Amin sejati Emily,
Melina, when you have a level four level the letter on your forehead the Allah when Allah Allah is
Allahu la sharika wanna shadow Anna Mohammed Abdullah he was solo or salvo loudhailer Buddha. Medina
Happy leovera who attained equally worker fabula he shader for some wahala he was seldom at the
Sleeman kathira Sierra Nevada in that study he tabula or halen had he had you Muhammad sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam in a shopping mall in Makkah to have an akula setting with our local habitat in
		

			Walla Walla Walla. Now,
		

			Allah azza wa jal vikita will carry an akula Aruba Billahi min ash shaytani r rajim. Either the Sani
Musa
		

			motil Kenya moto and tamanu Allah yeah and I but avenues like el Kala phenomenal, warm Arambula and
I mean Allah Bustamante will all be warmer but you know Houma incontournable cleaning
		

			rubbish actually solder he was silly me looked at me Sania Coco de la Motta bitdefender, multi Villa
ilaha illa Allah how much I'm now in a Latina Avenue amulets, Ali had what was a bit happy, but
there was always somebody I mean, you know, but I mean, as I continue this series that is based on
the dialogue that takes place between Moosa and Mossad examine Iran, and really from a particular
angle, the angle from which we can learn to not only understand how to recuperate after being in a
traumatic situation, but also to deal with, you know, high intensity situations and confrontational
situations in a way that is not only healthy for us, but also inspired by Allah's guidance. That's
		

			the sort of motivation behind this. So my, my intention for all of you that are listening, and even
for myself, is to take this reminder from this remarkable legacy of Mussolini. And that's been
captured and sort of Shut up, and apply some of these wisdoms and some of this counsel for our own
lives, to really identify ourselves some of our thought process and some of our behavior and some of
our communication and improve it for the better for ourselves and for those that are around us. So
here, I'm going to start with something on the positive side, it's kind of a combination of positive
and negative last time I spoke about, you know, how he has to acknowledge his own flaw. But he also
		

			has, that doesn't mean that it dismisses him from saying the right thing. Now we're going to pick up
on that saying the right thing component and build on it a little bit further. And that is that he
has to say something rather offensive, because when you when you correct, someone who is doing or
saying something wrong, when you correct someone, then by definition, you are being offensive. being
offensive is part of being truthful. You cannot be truthful and not be offensive, actually. Okay, so
		

			there's no such thing as the truth being spoken, without someone being hurt, or without someone
being offended, that comes with it. So, you know, when when we say, for example, we should we should
be mindful of the feelings of others.
		

			we confuse two different things. And I've talked about this in previous talks, but I want to
simplify it this time. So it sticks in your head and Shall I in my own, there are two things in
there two dimensions of communication, what is being said and how it's being said, right? So it
could be something simple, like it's cold outside, close the window. Something simple. That's what
is being said, it's cold outside, close the window, but you can also say like it's cold outside of
the window. You said the same exact thing. It's the same words from the same dictionary. They mean
the same things. What has been said has not changed at all. But the way you said it just became
		

			offensive. Right? You just became hurtful. So the thing is, our religion teaches us the how and the
what
		

			and the how cannot be offensive.
		

			How cannot you cannot take an angry tone? Raise your voice? You know, we've, when we went through
the series on sort of look, man, you know, well, Boardman, Celtic look you keep your voice slow the
prophets I was telling us to control our temper control our anger, there's a there's an ethic and
our communication in how we speak that is always there. While that is there, when I have to say
something that is true,
		

			it can still be offensive no matter how respectful I am.
		

			So I have to say the right thing, I'm obligated to say the right thing. And I know that it will be
offensive. So here's the this is a little bit tricky. And I hope I'm able to get this across to all
of you and and again, remind myself of it is that sometimes we say the truth. So you want to say
something that's true.
		

			And you figure because it's true, it gives you the right to be offensive in the way you say it too.
Right? It's the truth you need to hear it. Yeah, it is the truth. But I don't need to hear it like
this. So just because something is true, doesn't allow me to use inappropriate styles of
communication to get that truth across. So the communication must remain respectful, direct,
purposeful, it has to remain those things. Their communication cannot steer away from the truth
itself. And you add some other things on top of it like insults, you can't do that you have to stick
to the truth. You're new give you a realistic example. You're having an argument with a family
		

			member. Right. And there's something true you wanted to say to them, the way you should not have
transferred those funds, those were not your funds, something, some of some financial issue, right?
Uncle, you should not have transferred those funds. Those are not your funds to transfer. He starts
getting angry, losing his mind starts yelling at you, who are you? I file for your immigration
papers, you're going to talk to me like that. And he starts insulting you and sort of berating you
at that point, because they're being offensive. You want to be offensive right back? No, actually,
at that point, you need to hold on to the fact that what you said was truthful. And you said it in a
		

			respectful way, in a direct way. Clearly it was offensive because truth is pretty much always
offensive. If it matters, it's going to be offensive. But it won't allow you to also now raise your
voice and and respond in kind. Oh, yeah, well, what about you? And you remember none other than that
you can't go down that road, you have to stick with the truth itself. This is all coming from what
we're dealing with what we're looking at in the narrative of you have lusardi so now that I won't
try to psychologically manipulate him shame him by saying that you're an ingrate by saying you lived
here your entire life. How can you speak this way? Musashi Salaam has a truth he has to deliver. And
		

			the truth he has to deliver is that the Israelites have been unjustified Lee and justifiably made
slaves. So he says this, he says, What tilka near Matan tamanu has an avatar beneath him. That is,
in fact a favor you did for me justifying that you enslave the Israelites. He's basically
highlighting that I am saying something rational. And even though what you brought up is true, I am
grateful for you having raised me, it doesn't change the fact that I have a truth that is still
offensive to bring these two things will stand together, these are both and one is not a substitute
for the other. This is a pretty courageous thing to do, to speak to somebody knowing that they're
		

			going to get offended, and still stick to your guns and say what is coherent and consistent. And say
something that makes sense and purposeful. This is actually it takes a great deal of confidence to
do that. And this is this is an act of confidence also. And we're gonna we're gonna dig into
confidence more because confidence is one of the most fundamental qualities, a human being needs,
just in life, and also in this faith, that one of the core, you know, personal traits that Islam and
the Quran puts inside of a believer is actually confidence. We have this confidence that Allah is
with us. And when we feel that support, when we have that support that spiritual support system, it
		

			makes us confident in practically any situation in life. You Musab Islam, a convict from the
Egyptian legal standpoint is, you know, confidently speaking to the most powerful, you know,
military and political ruler and figure on Earth at the time, and he's standing there with
confidence calling him out. Right? This is an act of profound confidence. So he says, Well,
typically I'm not into manohara. Yet, Elan. What I want to highlight to you now is a something that
can destroy confidence. So he said something, he was coherent, he was logical. And now the pharaoh
is going
		

			To respond in what I Can you can you can look at it in psychological terms as dismissiveness. Okay,
so it's he says, Allah will call a phenomenal amount of autonomy. The Pharaoh said, What master of
all nations. Now musala Islam came on I came to him to say, you know, in our soul out of beta
alanine, we are in our pseudo Rabbil aalameen We are both meaning Harun and I both have come as
messengers of the master of all nations. So the master of all nations is a who, right? Who is the
master of all nations? Look at the pharaohs, condescending question what master of all nations? He
didn't say who is the master of all nations? Who is what would it mean? He said, Mara would tell me
		

			what master of all nations? In other words, he's dismissing the whole point, what are you talking
about? This is the modern equivalent of, you know, the ancient equivalent when we say modern times,
like, What are you talking about? What? Huh? You know here,
		

			this is dismissiveness, you will bring something with confidence with substance, something that
matters. And people that are able to make you feel worthless in a split second can act like what you
said is so illogical, and so not worthy of a response, that they can turn it into what? Just a what?
		

			What are you talking about? What God?
		

			Does this alone
		

			can make you feel like you're worth nothing? You start questioning yourself, like, Did I say
something wrong? Do I need to re rethink my position? Maybe you know, I'm not convincing enough.
Maybe I'm not enough, maybe what I have to say isn't enough. All of this is to throw you off your
game. And this dismissive, this is a very powerful tactic in life. There are people that you need to
talk to about something really important. You need to, we need to listen, we need to discuss this.
You need to address this wrong that you're doing. And they'll say, we're not talking about this.
		

			What are you talking about? No. ignore it.
		

			Walker. I'm watching TV right now. Listen, I have work today later in about five hours. Don't stress
me out right now. What now? Again?
		

			Oh, you want to talk about this again? Get up. Leave it alone already. In other words, and they can
by the way, some people can do this for years. They can spend decades ignoring one thing. And the
funny thing is they'll turn around and say, Oh, you you keep wanting to talk about that. Why do you
keep on because you've never talked about it. You've actually never talked about you kick the can
down the road every time. You've never addressed it. That's why it keeps coming up. If it was
actually addressed, it would never come up again. Right. So their way of dismissal. dismissal comes
in different forms. It comes in the form of making you feel like you said something ridiculous, even
		

			though you didn't it makes it it can come across as Why do you Why are you even wasting my time with
this? Don't bother me with this. I have more important things to do. And this is exactly what
Mousavi said I was being made to feel he's being made to feel like he's stands on no ground. He's
wasting the king's time. So he says no matter what I mean, but here's where confidence when you know
when you know from your rub, you know, this is 400 men lobby Now, when we have evidence from our
master when when Allah's word has given you confidence that what you're saying is true. What you're
seeing is the right thing, it is the truth, then it doesn't matter who dismisses it, whether it's a
		

			loved one or someone who hates you, whether it's someone who has influenced or doesn't have
influence someone who's intimidating or not intimidating. They're that bullying tactic and that
dismissing tactic doesn't work. And it doesn't work on musante salon. He's able to fight through it
and what does he say? He says, Prabhu sumati what are the one Marina who mineco tomoki Nene, the
master of the skies in the earth, and everything in between them.
		

			You see that? This is really important. The Pharaoh Pharaoh did not ask. Tell me more about Robben
Island he he didn't actually ask that. He what he said was a way of dismissing and tossing away the
conversation altogether.
		

			Getting rid of the conversation altogether. Musashi saddam is responding as though that what what
God What would it mean, wasn't sarcastic it was actually literal, even those are nice. I was very
keenly aware that he's being sarcastic. Is rhetorically dismissive. That's what he's doing. But he
just like he's being dismissive of Mousavi Salaam. Musab Islam learns or teaches us here that you
can be dismissive of someone's dismissiveness his genius Actually, he is pretending that what he
says did not get dismissed. In fact, it got asked about and he will continue to articulate what he
has to say. He's not going to fall into the psychological game.
		

			He feels like there's no more room for him to say what he needed to say. But yet at the same time,
he's not getting offended. This is the key for you and me to learn. He's like, What do you mean?
What do you think of what I'm saying? Is it important? Now you see, you just got emotional. You left
the you're not speaking the truth now that the house is emotional, the house needs to stay calm and
cool, collected, and he stays calm, he stays cool. And he responds methodically and says, The master
of the skies in the earth. Since you're asking, I'll describe a lesson more. Because the first
description wasn't good either me. Now, the next description is the master of the skies in the
		

			earth, which is actually systematically, really important. Because there's a progression in the
argument. The Pharaohs believed that they were children of God. And they believe that their God was
the sun, raw, the sun god raw, and they were children of the Sun God on this earth. When Mousavi
Salaam says the master of the skies and the earth, he's actually challenging the worldview, the
false worldview, he's actually furthering his logical argument about Allah Himself. And in it, he's
actually crushing the myth that they believe in. By seeing the numbers, somehow it will remind
everyone and everything in between what is everything in between the sky, that the sun is in between
		

			the skies in the earth, and the people are between the skies of the earth. So you who think you're
divine, and you think your divinity comes from there, none of this is divine, I speak on behalf of
the actual divinity, and although somehow it would otherwise have been over,
		

			but then
		

			musasa adds yet another dimension to this. And this is again, a show of confidence.
		

			We're often so much of what we say is determined by the thought that comes on to us is who's
listening? What is their reaction going to be? What are they going to think when they hear what I
have to say?
		

			the opinions of others have a huge bearing on what we say, you know, this, this is studied in social
psychology, right, the way you behave, the way you sit, even the way you're the intonation of your
speech can change, because of the effect of someone walking. And many of you that are some of you
are in school, or college or university now and you remember your days in school, college
university, when the teacher picks on you to answer a question. It's, you're not just concerned
about the question that got asked. You're having a nervous wreck inside because all the kids are
looking at you, the teacher is looking at you, if you get this wrong, everybody's gonna laugh, he's
		

			gonna get upset. There's a social anxiety that came with having to say something publicly, you
understand, which is again, something that's the opposite of confidence, right? It's something that
we fear inside of us ourselves, the shaming, or the humiliating judgment of others, they will see me
as inferior, depending on what I say, right? So Musashi Salaam, is no longer concerned about what
someone else thinks of me based on what I have to say, why not? Why was he able to shed that social
anxiety off of him, he was able to shed that social anxiety because when you have the truth from
Allah, then the only concern the only one you realize the only one you ever had to impress. And the
		

			only one whose judgment you had to worry about is Allah's. And everybody else's judgment became
irrelevant.
		

			Which is why it's okay for him to come and speak a truth, which he knows will be offensive to his
father figure because it's, it's in play in the pleasure of Allah, even if it's in the offense of
someone else. And now, there are also courtiers, there's, you know, there's not just ferroan it's
his generals, it's the other soldiers, it's, it's a full king's court, there are people inside that
room, and Musashi Salaam is so confident now that he can actually not only not, you know, feel
dismissed life in our own, he takes a further step and says, since you're being dismissive of
something that is reasonable, maybe you're not capable of thinking, because you're so you're, you're
		

			so addicted to dismissing things you don't want to hear. It's blocking your ability to think
clearly. I wonder if other people in this audience have a better ability to think than you do.
		

			I wonder if they're, you know, I can see that the President is incredibly stupid. I wonder if the
rest of the administration lost their brain cells to
		

			and so he's so confident that he's able to not only dismiss the dismissal of our own now he's gonna
dismiss fit on himself and say, in kuntum, walking in, if in fact, all of you are ready to be
convinced if in fact, this talk is the plural walking in una ina. Right. It's the it's
		

			About this the habit of control here mukuni means if all of you are in fact ready to be convinced,
or you have conviction inside of you, then perhaps I should be talking to you instead.
		

			In other words, he realizes My job is not to convince one person, my job is to deliver the truth.
And if someone does not want to have reasonable conversation, then maybe someone else will want to
have a reasonable conversation. I'm okay with that. He doesn't see it as a failure, that the
Pharaoh's not hearing what he has to say. He doesn't see it that way. So when you and I have to say
something that's truthful, if we're concerned with how impressed someone is going to be, or whether
or not they're going to be convinced with what I have to say, we're looking at it the wrong way.
That is not the way to look at it, the way to look at it is, am I seeing the truth? Am I seeing it
		

			in a dignified, respectful way?
		

			And if I am going to be met with dismissal, I can just like they're dismissing what I'm saying it's
okay for me to dismiss that. And I can continue to have a conversation rationally and reasonably.
Right. So you have for example, in the world of social media, much of our communication now is on
social media, right? So you have the world of comments, any content, anything, there's old Arab
saying liquid, liquid, liquid pub jawab, right? Every, every speech has a response. And now every
speech has a million responses, right? And so responses come in all different types of categories,
right? So there could be somebody who just appreciate just loves everything you're saying.
		

			There could be somebody who absolutely hates everything you're saying doesn't they don't even hear
what you have to say they already hate it. Right? And then there are people who say, I heard what
you have to say. But here's my criticism. I heard what you have to say. And I would add this. In
other words, it's a thoughtful conversation. So what happens to the two, I love everything, and I
hate everything that you have to recognize as something that is there. These people are perhaps even
dismissing what you're actually saying. So it's okay, you can appreciate that and just let it be.
But the actual conversation is happening with those who are capable of an actual conversation, and
		

			are what is the what is the, the the telling feature of a an actual conversation, that the truth is
being spoken argument is being made. But lines are never getting crossed? name calling is never
happening. Anger is not being used, you know, labels are not being put on somebody. We're capable of
civil conversation, we are capable of civil disagreement. We're capable of intellectual arguments,
we're, it's okay for me to be on the opposite end from you on some issue, and we can have a normal
conversation. And it might be that by the end of that conversation, I have changed my view.
		

			Or maybe you've changed your view, or I've changed half my view, and you've changed half of yours,
that's completely fine. That can happen that that's normal exchange. But that requires a degree of
confidence when when you and I become too quick to agree.
		

			And when you and I become too quick to disagree, you know what that shows, that shows a lack of
confidence. We don't have the confidence in ourselves to say, I will hear what's being said
carefully, and I'll process it. And then I'll give my response. Right? Because we don't even have
confidence in ourselves and someone who's just, you know, you know, offended too quickly or angry
too quickly. Why are they so angry because there's they feel so safe inside their echo chamber, they
feel so safe inside their little bubble, that when they hear something that opposes it, they don't
want to hear any more. They don't want to learn it because oh, that's I can't handle that I can't
		

			handle an intelligent conversation. It's going to it might challenge what I believe and not hold so
dear. Right? So it's kind of a safety response. Again, a lack of confidence musante salaam is there
to hear out what the federal says actually you listen to him carefully to fit our own. He listened
to him carefully. And the only time he dismissed him is when he saw dismissal from from federal and
himself. Right. So these are important features of effective communication, and of being able to
deal with antagonistic situations in a way that is inspired by the Koran in a way that will make us
better communicators in every part of our life, whether this is in family or in politics, or in at
		

			work. This of these principles apply across the board. This is this can be used for a governor, this
can be used somebody it's by somebody who's in a political campaign. This can be used for social and
political activists, this can be used for you and your family. Because the principles apply apply
across the board. Right? And so I pray that Allah azza wa jal empowers us to use these principles to
be mindful of them when we're communicating and help us realize that when somebody is not actually
engaged in that kind of civil conversation that you don't have to waste your time. But you can stay
on your point you don't have to get distracted. So inshallah we'll we'll continue our conversation
		

			about what we can learn
		

			from Lisa Lisa, and this kind of positive psychology from him in our next horbat barakallahu li
walakum Hakim one of our annual El Camino at
		

			hamdulillah salatu salam O Allah anybody who lives in Osaka also some other funny Mohammed Nabi
Muhammad amin, whether he also bH mine for the long run so we're just kidding but the anahola route
we let him in shape on the regime in Allahumma lunarlon Libya you alladhina amanu sallu Allah he was
a little too steep up Allahumma salli ala Muhammad wa ala Muhammad Rasul Allah for him are the
Haemophilia element in the capital budget. Allah Mubarak Allah Mohammed Ali Muhammad, Muhammad Ali
Mohammed amin in the middle Majeed by the Lafayette Nakamoto that will lie in the lie and will be
added with a sandwich at the local bar when hard and fast shot you will not go quality
		

			although you know Michael stone me Salah in so that I can live will be Nikita mahkota