Nouman Ali Khan – Difficult Family

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			into this whole bio, we'll be speaking with you mostly about a single idea of sort of Underhill sort
of Nahal is the 16th Surah of the Quran and this is the 72nd ir. I'm going to translate that for you
first Allahu Giada come in unfussy come as Raja, that Allah furnished for you provided for you, from
your own selves spouses will document as well as your company and from your spouse's he provided for
your children will have further and those of service to you. It's also translated grandchildren.
We'll talk about that in a second. So it could mean children and grandchildren. What is aka caminata
you bought and he provided you of all kinds of good and pure things for Bilbao, Italy, you know, and
		

			then are they going to believe in falsehood after all of that will be near Matilda homework for own?
And are they going to be disbelieving in the favor of Allah? This idea is a very heavy, deep message
from Allah azza wa jal. And I want to I hope that in the few minutes that we have together, we can
at least contemplate on some of the things that are happening. Certainly not all of them inside of
this remarkable ayah. Many places in the Quran, Allah will talk to us about things that he's done
for us as a favor, the things that he's created around us that are beautiful, or of service to us
that benefit us. And we should contemplate on that and become grateful to Allah. Clearly, the
		

			message in this ayah is to become grateful because the idea concludes by being intimate Allah umiak
freuen, that they are ungrateful to the favor of Allah, that if you work backwards from that, then
that means that everything Allah has mentioned in this ayah is something I should be grateful for.
So the spouse, husband and wife, children, and then grandchildren, and by beyond grandchildren, as
we'll talk in a second are all people in my life I should be grateful for this already becomes a big
challenge. Because it's easy to be grateful for an apple, it's easy to be grateful for your car,
because the car does exactly what you want it to do. You know, it's easy to be grateful for food on
		

			the table because it provides you nutrition immediately. It's easy to be grateful for the job
because you get a paycheck at the end of the day. Right there. The easy to be grateful for clothes
because they cover me and they protect me from the elements. It's easy to be grateful for things the
benefit of which I see immediately. But I don't know about being grateful for the wife or the
husband or the children and the grind that can get complicated it seriously Have you met them?
Because you want me to you they're a blessing Have you have you met my dad that's supposed to be a
blessing. Have you met my kids? Do you know how they talk to me? They're supposed to be a blessing.
		

			I'm so
		

			was to be grateful for this. Like you can, it's easy for me to just translate the eye and say, Hey,
Allah wants us to be grateful for our spouses, our children, our grandchildren. And by the way to
make this more complicated and interesting how Fada is used for grandkids, and actually the
conventional plural for heavy heavy there's a grandchild is actually I thought, and Hofer that that
means grandkids and her father of poverty others also commented is called lumen you're in? Well, yes
them, everyone who serves everyone who's of service to you by way of getting married. Everyone who
comes to your aid, or everyone that gets connected to you, by way of getting married is actually
		

			part of her father, so Mujahid early on, even considered in laws part of her father. So here's an
eye on the Quran about in laws, if anybody was wondering, and what makes it even more complicated is
we're supposed to be grateful for our in laws, why? Seriously those people? You know, after
everything I've been through with them, I'm supposed to be grateful for them. What this is, this is
why I like what I say. And if we can read it, we can read the translation and move on. Or we can
stop and say, Wait, this is about me. How is this about me? How does this must be talking about
someone else they must be they must have children that they should be grateful for, because they
		

			have good kids, they don't have my kind of kids. They must be they must have a spouse that gives
them peace, don't my spouse, they only give me anxiety and trouble and arguments. That's all they
give me. They don't give me a reason to consider. And so I it's easy for them to be grateful for the
favor of Allah. But I can't possibly be grateful for this. I don't have that kind of peace in my
life. Allah didn't make an exception, by the way, for those of you who have good kids, and good
grandkids, and great in laws, and a wonderful spouse, those of you should be grateful. The rest of
you can complain online and make memes about them. Right? You can do that. No, that's not there's no
		

			exception here. It's for everyone. And then if you if you and I ponder about this a little deeper.
		

			If you study the prophets lives, many of them, they have a lot of trouble coming from their spouse
like no Halesowen or not, are they Salam.
		

			Some prophets have trouble coming from their children like newer Herdade Salam or Jacoba Islamic
getting trouble from their children, Ibrahim alayhi salam is worried that his grandkids and their
future generations are going to fall into shift. And it actually happens from the children of
Ibrahim.
		

			So all of that is a reality and no one knows that reality better than Allah Himself. And that same
Rob is telling me to be grateful at the end of this ayah So the first thing I wanted to do in this
goodbye is to present this almost riddle to you. What how are we supposed to unlock this? How are we
supposed to make sense of this? Because Allah azza wa jal has commanded us or actually even
complained to us. And finally, Brunel Quran, Allah KHUDOBIN aquafaba. Don't they contemplate deeply
the Quran? Or Or do hearts have their own locks placed on them? One of the ways you can think and I
can think about that idea is if I'm refusing to think about what Allah says and contemplated, maybe
		

			something hasn't unlocked in my heart yet. Like there's some I'm not really thinking about it from
my heart and really applying it to myself. And it's keeping me from contemplating So I pray that
Allah Allah acts all of our hearts as we contemplate his word. So now,
		

			going back, going a little stepping a bit further back, let's pay attention to the end of the day
again.
		

			He says, I've had Bilbao Italy you've been on will be near Matilda homework forum. Are they going to
believe in falsehood? strange thing to say? Are they going to believe in falsehood, you would
imagine an idea like this, if the beginning of the idea was about shift or false gods, you know,
when they worship other than Allah, and then they they believe in Butlins. That's where this, this
conversation fits. But that's not the conversation the conversation was, he provided you spouses
from yourselves and children and grandchildren and in laws and extended family and those who support
you and all of that stuff? And then are you going to believe in Boston? Are they still gonna believe
		

			in Boston? So what is this doing here? So, the Another riddle, I'm adding riddle on top of riddle
riddle now? Right? Are they going to believe in falsehood, and then falsehood, the opposite of
falsehood is truth. Right. So after Bill bow, believe me, no one will help the homework for all
should they believe in? Are they going to believe in falsehood and not believe in the truth? Because
the opposite of falsehood is truth. But he didn't say truth. He said the favor of Allah. He said the
favor of Allah and said, and if you want to go with the favor of Allah and use its opposite the
Nakba. So they say are they going to believe in you know, difficulties? Are they going to have faith
		

			in things that give them trouble Messiah, and they're going to deny the favours of Allah. So either
you say truth and falsehood or you say favorite discomfort, but he didn't use the mix the two
there's an advantage between these two and this is a profound place to begin. Sometimes, you know,
in language we accept
		

			We expect simple opposites day and night. Good and evil, right? These are simple opposites.
		

			But in the Quran sometimes Allah gives us complicated opposites, and he doesn't go the opposite of
ASB. He'll give us something else instead. And he gives us a dimension, a way of thinking about
opposites that's that only Allah can give. In this is one of the things Allah is teaching you and me
is the opposite of falsehood. Instead of being truth is the favor of Allah and the favor of Allah is
actually a substitute for truth itself.
		

			In now, this is very powerful. And by the way, the word is for truth. And heck also means
purposefulness, it doesn't just mean truth. It means purposefulness. Okay? So Allah says, Allah,
personality will, will help. He created the skies in the earth with purpose. And the word for
purpose, there is what truth that hug, the word has two dimensions. So let's contemplate this. From
that point of view. Allah is telling me that sometimes I see my disobedient child, my son who talks
back to me, my daughter who doesn't even say why likoma Salaam, my grandkids who forgotten about me,
my spouse who disrespects me and complains about me to others, uh, he sees all of that, and I see a
		

			problem. But you know, even in the most difficult relationships, there is a Nirma. And that net, my
the blessing is not coming from them, that blessing can only come from Allah, what's coming from
them is something hurtful. But behind that something hurtful, there's a greater wisdom. And in that
wisdom, that Nima can only come from Allah. So Allah didn't just say, well be near Matthew homeotic.
Phone, he said, when we didn't let Allah He homeotic phone, he attributed the near ma to himself, he
didn't attribute the NEMA to them to himself. So I need to now start thinking deeper about difficult
conversations I have in my family, difficult situations I have to deal with. And so we're going to
		

			take a step back and say, change our worldview a little bit about our own family, because this, this
is about our extended family. In fact, most people, when they have complaints in their life, other
than financial or health complaints, if they have complaints about human beings in their life,
they're probably human beings in their own family. Like, that's where most of our drama exists. This
is what most of our stress comes from, when you get a phone notification, before you even check your
phone. Like, I hope it's not from her.
		

			You know, you're already bracing yourself. Or when you're, when you're having a you're at a wedding,
you're gathering, and you know, you're having a good time and you look over, and she just looked at
you or you just looked at her and she's like, Oh, he's gonna say something when we get in the car.
		

			This is not gonna be good. But you're already like, preparing yourself, you're clenching your teeth
before you engage in the next exchange, right? Well, you know what, maybe there's another way of
looking at this. Somebody asked me a question recently, and I want to maybe use that as an example
to help us apply this idea a little bit better.
		

			Somebody calls their, you know, a mom calls their daughter and tells, you know, your cousin this one
will call her cousin a, your cousin A is always saying bad things about cousin B. What is wrong with
her? Why is she always talking bad about cousin B?
		

			And the daughter says, Don't worry, mom. She'll just giving her her good deeds. You know, because
when you speak behind someone's back, you may have to give them their good deeds in the asset. So
don't worry about it, mom, right? Am I doing the right thing? When I do that? And I and I hear about
this conversation, I say, Well, when you're talking about cousin a, doing such a bad thing, you're
backbiting to
		

			the irony of it. And then there's another problem. Aren't you so comfortable saying, Don't worry
about it, we'll make them pay in the afterlife.
		

			Hold on a second.
		

			If somebody came to you and said, if somebody wanted to take all your life savings now, walk into
your house, take your car keys, take your credit cards, take your bank passwords walk out, don't
worry about it. We'll just take you can't give up something from your from your life. And you're so
comfortable giving up your cousin's asked her.
		

			Like it's okay. We'll just collect on judgment day.
		

			Maybe if we took a step back and say no, there's a purpose for which this conflict conflict is
happening. And we need to take this challenge and turn it into a NEMA because Allah is calling all
of these relationships. NEMA. It's not just that my son or my cousin or my family or my in laws
exist. That's not the NEMA. Clearly. It's not just that they exist. There. Their relationships with
me are a series of experiences, conversations exchanges. How do I turn this into an Emma? Mom? Have
you ever asked her cousin why she's so angry?
		

			Something must have happened. When did it happen? Oh, you remember that wedding when they did this?
This? Okay, so it's been like that since? Yes, it's been like that. Maybe we should bring them
together and to solve this problem.
		

			Maybe we should just help end this instead of furthering it, talking about it and complaining about
it. Maybe we should be part of that solution. So this family can actually experience net law
		

			People are brought into your family and people are brought into my family. For better or for worse,
Allah brought them together for a purpose. Everything he does is for a purpose. Sometimes you look
at your brother, you're like, how are you my brother?
		

			Sometimes people look at their parents, like, seriously, you're my parents? Like, I'm nothing like
you. How are you? My parents? Sometimes you have you wonder, like if What if we weren't family, I
don't know if I would have anything to do with you, or would want to have anything to do with you.
But Allah put people together for a purpose. He knows exactly who to you know, put in whose family
and who to connect and tied to each other genetically. In fact, he even planned for who should be
your in laws in Allah, He went nearly law Geralyn. He planned for that too. Now all of that can feel
like a big trial. But if I, if I contemplate this is a certain way, I need to find the blessing in
		

			it. And I cannot find the blessing in it. Unless I look, look at everything purposefully, maybe
behind this conflict. I need to be purposeful and find the right thing to do the right things to say
to fix this conflict. Allah talks about people who really believe in him, and he says and those who
do facade on the opposite side, he says well, Yakata, Amara, Allah Hoovy and use Well, when you see
Luna Filardi, they cut apart what Allah commanded to keep together, like families are hard to keep
together.
		

			You know, spouses are hard to keep together, kids are hard to keep together, the conflicts between
siblings can be very intense. The conflicts between parents and kids can be very intense. The
conflict between your family and your in laws, family can be very intense. Those are not small
conflicts. But in all of those conflicts, if I look at that purposefully, if I look at you know
what, I'm going to turn this into a blessing somehow, I'm going to find a way of resolving this
conflict. I'm going to find a way of engaging this conversation. Allah put our prophets in such
difficulty. And he they found a way of seeking the favor of Allah because they looked at everything
		

			purposefully. So this is one of the first lessons that we draw from a femininity lay, what would be
their Mattila homeotic phone. Another thing that I like to remind myself and all of you have in
these ayat is that Allah azza wa jal says what Allahu Allah Allah can mean unfussy come as Raja.
		

			It's really heavy words. Allah didn't just say he made you he gave you spouses. That would have been
easier. Allahu gyla calm as watching Allah provided you spouses good enough. Nope Allah Who Jana
loco min unfussy calm as watching, Allah furnish for you provided for you, for you from your own
cells from within yourselves. Now the contemplating this some of us had really interesting thoughts.
		

			Who is who are you? You and I are human beings. And the word to be it to be human, the word in son
is tied to owns an estate in us. It's tied to compassion, love, care, courtesy. Those are feelings
that human beings were given inside of them, to have to have regard for somebody else's feelings.
Like for example, when Allah says about not entering people's homes without permission. Like if you
just saw if you went to some friend's house, you can't just walk in right at that Stephanie Sue,
until you can feel that you're wanted. Right. And so you shouldn't go at 3am to your friend's house
and say, so he doesn't, he doesn't mind. I can just walk into you can't just walk in and you
		

			shouldn't go at it at an uncomfortable hour. You should have the sense of when this is a courteous
thing to do. The word for human beings is actually directly tied to the word for care courtesy
feelings love compassion. Once and it's the in us. Allah says he made my spouse from the same
elements that he made me if I have feelings, if I have thoughts, if I have considerations, she does
too. And a spouse should think if I have feeling some things bother me, I love some things I care
about some things, he cares about some things too, and they can't be the same. We're not the same.
Well, my halacha Zakharova.
		

			In this area gonna shatter he's differentiated between the male and the female. So we both have
feelings. We both have sensitivities. And at the same time, we're both really different. And when
Allah says mean unfussy calm as virgin, there's a really beautiful, you know, ishara in these in
these words is an indication in these words, that because they are from me, I have to try that feel.
You know, if they're saying something that's hurtful, Where's that coming? From? What feeling did
that come from? What would make her say that it's not just because she's evil? Or not? Because
they're just arrogant? Those are easy answers, right? This person is so arrogant. They said this,
		

			this and this, but maybe behind what you think is arrogance is pain.
		

			And you have your way of dealing with pain and they have a very different way of dealing with pain,
and their pain comes out in hurtful, hurtful words. Or what do you think are hurtful words? So if we
develop this
		

			This state nurse, then in our really in our family relationships, you wouldn't see your son as being
disrespectful. You would see behind that disrespect, something happened that needs to get resolved.
Some of you there's a wall there that you need to break with your love and compassion.
		

			And you need to do that purposefully. You need to understand the larger purpose Allah wants these
people that were put in a family, Allah wants them to stick with each other. Allah wants them to
overcome their barriers. Well Allah Who Giada Coleman unfussy come as watchin watch Allah Khan bunny
in our halfa it's also interesting that in these ayat, Allah provided you children, Allah provided
you in law's grandchildren, others that will serve your purpose, others that will be of benefit to
you. Allah is saying that because the an all of it starts with as much meaning you get married, when
you get married, you connect it to another family, because you connect it to another family, maybe
		

			one day you lost a job, or you had a difficulty. And it was your, your wife's cousin's friend that
helped you out, you know, there's connections that are made, that Allah provided help for you, it is
for you in ways you couldn't have imagined because of that relationship. Because connections were
formed through that. So Allah is telling us that we should look at are the human relations that we
have, and the impact of those relationships, as all part of Allah's plan that he provided, the
people that came into my life are people that he provided, that doesn't mean that it always works
out. It doesn't mean that everybody is great, but it does mean that we have to look at everything
		

			purposefully. We have to we have to keep that in mind. First and foremost, you know, and now
finally, I say this, this last portion, that riddle that I didn't didn't quite solve yet, have I
been belted? Leave me alone. Are they going to believe in falsehood?
		

			Are they going to believe in what why even talk about falsehood? You know, this is should be about
gratitude and ingratitude. But Allah made it about faith and disbelief. So interesting. You know. So
what, what does what do we learn from that? Actually, we learned from that, that my Eman, my faith
is actually directly associated with how grateful I am. The more grateful I am, the stronger my Eman
is, the less grateful I am, the weaker my email is.
		

			And when I'm focused on things that aren't true, like Bothell means I'm looking at my family. And
all I see is problems. All I see is these are the people I want, why my life is so difficult. This
is what they did. This is what they did, this is what they did. All you have is this list of blames
for these people. And it's always what's living in your head constantly, You're reliving it, I still
remember what you said, I still remember what you did. And because this is this shapes your view of
them. Now you see them as these people that all they are is a source of pain, that's all they are.
This is a buffet. But because these people, even if they cause you pain behind them as an is a
		

			network of Allah, and you must discover that the AMA, and you cannot if you just reduce them to just
a curse in your life, if you reduce them to just some kind of, you know, evil or hurtful people,
they're human beings. They're not devils, nobody's an angel. And nobody's that devil, Allah created
angels and devils, those are separate species were human beings. You know what that means? We do
good things like Angel sometimes, and we do bad things like devil, sometimes, we're human. So you
cannot just take some good things and say, This person always does only good. And you cannot take
some bad things and say this person, all they ever do is bad. When we reduce people, especially in
		

			our families, to their mistakes, and we beat them over the head with those mistakes, and we create a
false a button narrative about them, then we have actually denied a favor of Allah, you're not
seeing the good in them. You're not seeing their ability to overcome the bad that they did. Human
beings can change. Human beings can grow, they can evolve. But you have, you've started believing in
bottling. And Allah calls this believing in bottling the iron SubhanAllah. What it is just this one
small idea, but it changes the way I see myself. It changes the way I see others. I no longer
tolerate the conversation. Oh, your uncle, he's never going to change. Or your cousin. He's always
		

			going to be like that. All these people I know. You don't know my dad, you know, it's just hopeless.
That's just hopeless. Who are you to say who am I to say hopeless? Who are we to determine the
future? A fair bit about me no one will be near Matilda who may or may Allah azza wa jal give us
real compassion and gratitude for the family that He's given us. May Allah azza wa jal give you the
wisdom, the strength, the guidance to overcome the challenges inside of your family, to be able to
have deep, meaningful, rich conversations purposefully with your family and to remember always that
behind all of those channel challenges, it may be difficulty at face, but behind that as a favor of
		

			Allah. And may Allah azza wa jal give us the ability to seek that favor of Allah and never be in
denial of it. And may Allah not make us of those who
		

			falsely attribute something to our loved ones. And we because of the mistake they have made, and we
just attribute that and they have to live with that forever with our false attribution. You know,
this is the mistake the, the sons of Jacoba, acela made, they made an attribution to their dad and
abandoned a few dollar movie in our dad is lost and confused because he loves use of more. He's
unfair. Our data is unfair, and he's confused. That's it. Now everything he said, Oh, he's just
saying that because he's confused. Oh, he's just saying that because he loves you stuff more. Or he
I don't know. Listen to his advice. I know he's biased. I know he. So now they've painted him as
		

			biased. They've got this bottle on him. Now nothing he says matters anymore, right? We can do that
to our family members. We can attribute a bottle sticker on them. And now whatever they say has no
meaning. Because we already have you know, we've decided everything they're saying comes from the
same false place. Right? So I pray Allah protects us from doing that to each other and unites our
families and it helps us overcome and heal the pain that we've been experiencing in them and truly
makes us grateful for the favor that he has given us. BarakAllahu li Walakum Al Quran Al Hakim
whenever anyone here can be it when I came.
		

			And hamdu Lillahi wa wa salatu wa salam O Allah about the hill. Athena Stouffer also said Allah of
letting him or hurt him in the beginning, Mohamed El Amin, what other early he also hid behind Allah
azza wa jal vikita be hidden by the Buddha or the bIllahi min ash shaytani. R rajim. In Allah Allah
yukata who Soluna Allah Nabi Yeah, you are letting Amman solo Allah He was telling me to Sleeman
Allahumma Salli ala Muhammad and Muhammad Ali Mohammed kama Zuleta Allah Rahim Allah Allah Allah
haemophilia, I mean in the Gambia Majeed Allahumma barik ala Muhammad Muhammad Ali Mohammed Ibrahim
Ibrahim Al Al Amin in the Gambia Majid about Allah. Allah, Allah. Allah. Allah wa Sangeeta little
		

			Cordoba we didn't have any fracture it will mean Karbala. The crew Allah Akbar, Allahu Allah, Allah
will let us know what kind of Salah in the solitaire kind of ultimate mini Nikita Makuta