Maryam Lemu – Marriage Gems – 6

			was a bit lacking in dental hygiene Bismillahirrahmanirrahim Assalamualaikum warahmatullah
wabarakatuh. My name is Miriam LIMU. And welcome back to my series that I'm calling marriage gems,
where I share tips and ideas on how to strengthen the marriage how to build ourselves, make us more
aware, so that the relationship between us and our spouses will become stronger inshallah. Now, in
the previous episode, I told you that I had gotten curious about what decent men and women want in
one another. And they shared with you what men like and what they don't like in their spouses, and
what hopefully we can take as tips that will help us improve upon ourselves. Now, during this
		

			episode, The wheels are turned, where we get to go into what women want in their spouses and what
they don't want. Next, let's talk about what qualities decent women want in their spouse. One of the
strongest ones that came in was an independent mind, someone who's very confident of themselves
doesn't listen to what other people say about how they relate with one another. Now, this brings it
close to me, because I know my husband went under so much grief from a lot of his friends, who
teased him because he really spent more time with the family than he did hanging out with them.
Somebody said he's in pulled the
		

			someone said that his visa, he has a visa that I have to give him that allows him to go out, and he
didn't care family comes first. His relationship matters more than anything. And he makes sure
everybody knows that. Then another thing women want in their spouse is somebody who's resourceful,
who knows how to make sure that they are taken care of financially, that the house there needs
everything, this feeling of security as well. But if there is an emergency, we don't have to go and
big in order to take care of our needs in the house. Then somebody who's sincere and loyal, loyal to
the family loyal to the marriage loyal to the children, that they are committed to the relationship
		

			and making it work. And they do not have to leave to go out and commit Zina to fulfill their needs,
that they are truly committed to the relationship, then someone who's truthful and honest, is
straightforward. These are strong qualities that both men and women of course wanting one another,
then this one comes up so often, which is being expressive, that often when you ask your spouse
What's wrong, they would say nothing. And I know this is so infuriating when you get that. I hate
hearing the thing when obviously I can tell from your body language that something is wrong. So a
spouse that is expressive that talks about what's going through their mind what's bothering them,
		

			and can share that with you very, very well and effectively,
		

			then somebody who is clean. This has also come up a lot that takes care of themselves. Just like the
concern men had of women, of course, puts deodorant uses the rowland's on the sprays and the
antiperspirants to make sure they are clean, and then keeps themselves looking, well groomed, well
taken care of. Another one was empathy, that your spouse shows you empathy that feels what you feel,
		

			and knows how to say to you in a way that you feel you've been understood. Then somebody who has
direction and focus knows where they are going not just all over the place, but has a sense of
purpose and direction. Then a sense of humor for me, I know this is so high up on my list, my
husband and I have such a good sense of humor, we find so many things just we try to laugh about so
many things. And we don't take life too seriously certain things. Because humor is so important in
also strengthening the bond between us. Another issue that came up is humility.
		

			That you don't keep raising what your background was, or showing off that you come from a particular
type of home or background, or that you are the man of the house that you're humble enough to know
that this relationship is truly one of a partnership. And you don't insist you must respect me
because I am the guy in the house. You know, respect is earned. It just doesn't come automatically.
So being able to be humble is an important thing that women want in their spouses. Another thing
that women wanted in their spouses is flexibility. That one is not so set in their ways that they're
not ready to compromise or be flexible. Not one of those who says this is who I am and this is how
		

			I've always been. There needs to be given take in the relationship and flexibility. Another thing
that women wanted in their spouses is a spouse that is helpful. That is involved. I know this is one
of the reasons why I respect my husband so much is that he joins me he rolls his sleeves up and gets
involved in whatever it is he sees me doing. When we first got married my husband actually did about
75 or 75% of the cooking in the house. We were living overseas and of course no house help at the
time, but under area. It isn't my responsibility to cook so he would do the cooking
		

			He would be involved in helping me clean the house. When we had kids, he helped me change the
diapers, he beat the children, and was so involved. And that is something that I think, is highly
commendable because that is the prophets way. I should already allow on how was asked what the
Prophet used to do when he was a woman, she would reply, he used to keep himself busy serving his
family, he used to keep himself busy serving his family. And when it was time, he would get up for
prayers. So I love that I really love that he was modeling that behavior. Then another thing women
wanted in their spouse is somebody who is not too stiff, who take themselves so seriously. But it's
		

			fun, loving, relaxed, you know, so down to. And then another thing women want is someone who's
supportive of their interest. And I know men raise this as well, that you don't just condemn or
criticize, but you support and encourage what it is that I like to do. Then someone who's well
groomed. I mentioned this before, it came up so often, you know, that smells good. That looks good,
smells good. Take care, it takes care of themselves, not just when they are also going to step out.
I remember my youngest son would look at his dad, when his dad is home. We've been sitting for a
while and he goes away. And when the dad comes back, he notices the father looks very clean. He's
		

			washed his face, and he's smelling good. And he's like, Bob, are you going out? He said, No, I'm
doing it for your mom. And he would now say, bah, bah, bah. We'll never forget that. I love it. It's
so sweet. So someone also who takes care of their health, their physical well being, as somebody
said, I don't want to be the only one who takes care of myself. And then I don't find my spouse
attractive. So I want him to look good for me as well. Then someone adventurous, someone ready to
try new things. They also want somebody who is respectful, respectful to women, I think more than
anything that is something I love in my husband is he is very much into girl power, and very much
		

			into seeing women uplift themselves and do things out there. So shows respect to women in how he
speaks, and how he treats her. That is something that is important. Something I learned when I gave
a lecture recently, and I asked people to give me feedback one lady mentioned, I want to feel
wanted, I want to feel that my husband is ready to fight for me. So that's important that you feel
wanted, then romance and intimacy comes more towards the bottom, but it is important. So somebody
who is romantic and really takes intimacy as an important part of the relationship makes me feel
good makes me feel valued. And this as I said is in no particular order for some they don't even
		

			care about any of the things I've mentioned, just a few of them. So like I said before, if you have
more to add, please share it with me so I can learn and share with others. If you enjoyed this
episode and any others, share it with friends, then follow me on my Facebook page and Merriam lemo.
Or you can also subscribe to my YouTube channel. Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh