Channel: Haleh Banani
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Three things to deal with your child's anxiety. So now they call my name is Khalid Banani, empowering you with psychological tips and spiritual support, there's nothing worse than seeing your child being very anxious. And when you see that they're struggling, and they're overwhelmed, or they're down, you've really feel like there's something you got to do. So I'm gonna give you three steps, three things that you can do to help your child when they're in that state of anxiety. Number one, you need to take a look at your own anxiety level, we don't realize how we are transmitting the anxiety that we have, I generally see with many of my clients, that this is a generational anxiety
or generational depression. Many times our children are observing us they see when we are getting anxious when we are getting upset or depressed. And then they embody that. And I had a client that is very afraid of being alone is afraid of the dark. And one of the things I brought to her attention, I go, this is something that you really need to address and overcome. Because as your child gets older, I know they're very young. But as they get older, they're going to observe your anxiety and they'll adopt it, I have another client in his 30s. And he has completely adopted all of his mother's anxieties, everything, whether it's the paranoia, whether it is not trusting people,
and being anxious about any kind of deadline. And this is something he observed, and he just adopted it. So the first thing you need to do as a parent is really reflect on yourself, and see if you are exhibiting some of these behaviors that you dislike in your child or you're concerned about, right. So you may be very concerned about this and reflect on yourself. And this is why it's so important to do the internal work as an individual as a parent, we really need to focus on ourselves. And this is what I do on the mindful Hearts Academy is teaching people how to do the internal work, how to overcome the anxiety. Now the second thing that you can do is first you need to acknowledge that
anxiety is a part of life, it's not something to shame them, they don't have to feel bad about it. Don't be judgmental, do not give like a lecture about how if you had emaan, if you had faith, if you were doing your prayers, you wouldn't be anxious, just read somewhere on I mean, obviously prayer or on all of that has its place. And when we have that faith, and we have the connection with our Creator, that definitely provides us the strength and the support. However, I have many clients who are Hafez of Quran, they pray to hijo. They're at the masjid for Fudger. And they have an anxiety disorder, they have depression, it doesn't mean that their faith is not strong enough, it is not a
reflection of their Iman, because this is a psychological disorder. And if we give advice to people saying that, you know what, if you had strong eemaan, you wouldn't have this anxiety, if you just you know, read more or on or if you prayed better, you wouldn't have this anxiety. Now what does that do is that it actually increases the anxiety because now not only do they have the symptoms of being very overwhelmed and concerned, but they also feel like they're not a good enough practicing Muslim, their prayer is not good enough. And that actually does the opposite of what we expect it to do. So don't lecture your child about doing more worship when they're feeling anxious, because it
just increases the anxiety. You need to be able to acknowledge that it is normal to have some level of anxiety, find out what it is and not be judgmental. Don't be literally don't judge them. And don't be like snap out of it. What's wrong with you? Why are you anxious, you have everything I gave you everything I given you everything that I didn't have? Why are you so anxious, that's not going to help the situation. And the third thing is try to listen and understand. Don't just go in with the mindset of trying to fix your child, try to understand where they're coming from, there is a reason they are feeling anxious. And if you get to the bottom of it, and you understand and you
listen, and you try to provide some solutions, maybe you can do the breathing exercises, maybe you can go on walks together, just be a source of help and support. What I have seen time and time again that parents instead of being supported, they just are judgmental. This is crazy. What are you talking about? It's all in your head? What is your problem? And this excited like the child is saying yes, I know I have a problem and the parents just basically validate the wrong thing. So instead of acknowledging you have an anxiety, we all have some level of anxiety. You can learn good coping strategies, if it's excessive, if they're having panic attacks. If it's really debilitating,
then you can take steps to seek professional help individuals that come in and get treatment for their children. They are doing such a huge service to them. Because if it's treated early on there
able to cope and they're able to have a healthy functional life, when they don't get it addressed, it lowers their self esteem, then it ruins their relationships, when they end up getting married or even relationship with their friends and community members, that level of anxiety really affects their comfort level. And so I deal with on a daily basis is helping individuals overcome that anxiety by grasping what to do about it. And you don't have to just feel overwhelmed, there are steps you can take. So don't be little, don't dismiss, recognize if you have anxiety that you need to cope with. And if you do and if you want to be the right example for your children, then I really
encourage you be a part of our community, I want you to learn, learn how to overcome your anxiety, learn how to have that self confidence, learn how to have the emotional intelligence, it's on the mindful hearts.com I would love to help you process all of this and do that internal work because if you do the internal work, you're going to feel a huge difference. And I always give the example a person who has done the internal work that they have overcome their insecurities, and they have the emotional intelligence and they know how to package their words and they know how to use persuasion in a positive way. It is like a person who has hygiene, right personal hygiene, if someone showers,
they're fresh, they look good, they smell good. You want to be around them. A person who has not done the internal work, who has lower self esteem, who has no emotional intelligence are constantly saying things that hurt others than it is like a person who has no hygiene, right, you feel it immediately. So take the time to work on yourself, do the internal work. And that way your kids will definitely benefit from this. So hope you join us the mindful hearts.com I have put the link on here. It is a membership website. It's only $11 a month and you can get the support the knowledge, the guidance, the step by step to really reach your goals and be at your best because really at this
time with parenting, you need to be your best you can't be just focus on fixing your child. You need to fix yourself first. Make sure at any stage, it's never too late. Focus on yourself, fix yourself, change yourself, transform yourself, and you're going to have a transformative effect on your children. They're going to look up to you. They're going to be like wow, you know mom made this change in herself and then you're going to be more impactful on your children. Take care. Thank you for tuning in.