Haifaa Younis – Hijab – Is It Just A Headscarf?

Haifaa Younis
AI: Summary © The speakers discuss the struggles of men with sexual dysphoria and the importance of finding support through clothing, groups, and finding one's own authenticity. They emphasize the need for women to ground their own authenticity and be grounded in their lives to empower them and avoid becoming a stranger. The weight discrepancy between men and women is also discussed, and the importance of providing support to women in their communities is emphasized. The challenges faced by women in society are discussed, including the victim of a relationship and struggles with confidence and fear.
AI: Transcript ©
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Bismillah your Walkman you're walking

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the flow but I can't swallow 100 Allah, Allah salatu salam ala rasulillah while Ali he or sahbihi wa Manuela la Molina myinfo now on Final Bhima alum tena in Kissimmee on Mooji Buddha Allahumma me how to become an MLA amfa or calvia Sha one FC Latisha Baba do I use ma Robin Allah to superluminova is heading to China will have been hammered on kurama in the content hub will be shortly surgery wastefully only what the terminal is any of your biani Sara Marie Kumara tomorrow Baraka 200 lacquer on Grameen welcome to another Tuesday night program, where

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this time, we're going to touch a hot topic, as I always call it one of the hottest topic related to women. One of them is not all of them. But this is definitely one of them is the hijab, and I use this word, and we put it in the title, simply because this is the communist word used to refer to the woman dress code, Islamic woman dress code. And it's so interesting. So Pamela, that this is not a new topic. It's been there. As long as I can remember, probably, definitely more than 15 years ago, because I was still studying in the United States, I had not yet moved overseas to study formally. And there was a huge discussion in our community that I was asked to give a talk about it.

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And, and Subhanallah, I still remember it was one of the most well attended talk,

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why it is so

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interesting, if I want to use the word why it is, once you bring this word, or that topic, why it to bring a lot of attention, including this Tuesday, this today Subhanallah, we already start getting questions and start getting requests, cover this and discuss this and this and that.

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Let's put it this way. And I am going to speak from my heart today, as well as my beautiful guests who I will introduce very soon. This is very personal.

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And it is not an easy topic to discuss,

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to practice to be funded. It's extremely challenging. And I'm going to start by saying this. Every woman who's listening to me, or every man, every Muslim, was listening to me and I'm speaking again from my heart as a woman who put her hijab, not as a very young age,

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it is not easy to do,

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especially in the beginning. And it is not easy to keep. Again, specially in the beginning.

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It brings a lot of challenges brings a lot of conflict. And I'm talking internal, let alone external and totally as a woman

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wearing the headscarf and wearing islamically pleasing to Allah pantalla dress, specially in this day and age is not easy. And I always say this to every woman. If you think this is easy in the beginning, then I will say two things either Allah Subhana Allah has blessed you with something you have to be extremely grateful, or you probably have not done it yet. So I am not going to start this topic by saying what is the big deal, why we have to talk about it. It's very common, everybody should do it. Everybody should do it. But it's not easy. And this is what we are inshallah going to try to cover today. There's a couple of issues or a couple of points, makes this topic even more

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difficult. The argument and I'm going to put it in five points and my guests who I will introduce very soon, we will cover as much as our last pantalla will put Baraka in our time and I will ask my beautiful audience, please write your questions. We will do our best to entertain and as much as Allah again put Baraka in our time, the controversy about it if you want to use the controversy islamically there is no controversy. I'm talking about reality, what we live in the society around us in Muslim and a non Muslim world.

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The question of obligation, people argue that it is not an obligation is not in the Quran. It was not meant for everybody. That's number one. Second point we're going to cover inshallah, is it really a choice

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did a lot

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Gives me as a woman a choice to do it or not do it. And if I do it, I will be a better Muslim in front of Allah subhanaw taala. And if I don't do it, that's my choice. Because that's, we hear this a lot. And we really have to look at it. And I'm asking everybody who's listening to me today, again, men and a woman, I want you to open your heart, and do to bring anything else just be as if you have an empty cup. And we're going to speak very frankly, pleasing to Allah.

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So is it an obligation? Is it a choice? Or I have no choice. Number three, why it is so difficult to number one to put it

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to take that path. And even more why it is so hard to keep? Keep it, keep wearing it. And this is what we are seeing. And one of the comments I had for the last two days once we start advertising this topic is please, it's becoming the norm. Even not very young ladies are taking it off. What is the issue? Why it is so hard to keep it?

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And the last thing I want in sha Allah, Allah again, will put Baraka in our time, what is the solution? How do I make it easier? How do I obey Allah spandana in my daily life, in everything, and today we are focusing on the Hey job, how do I make it easier? What is the solution? Just do it. Yeah, I can see it, but who is going to listen and really practice it. So it's given me a great pleasure to have in our Tuesday program, a very dear human being to my heart. And interestingly, I didn't remember I met her somehow she just told me recently that I met her more than what is it? 1215 years if we can have Sister Maria one on us on the screen, and it was actually in the MCA in

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California and I was just telling her, it was the first year that Allah pantalla tested me by not inviting me to go for Amara in Ramadan. And this is before I moved to study and it was extremely hard for me but I said okay, my sister lives in California so I'm going to go and visit them in Ramadan and I spent the last two nights in the beautiful magic of MCA and system Mariela just telling me I came and asked you a question of course I don't remember and

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so it gives me a great pleasure we met again not in person yet May Allah make it happen.

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Beautiful group, it's called female scholar group, and it is a beautiful group by I cannot speak enough about it. When you have all these women from different parts of the world. panela different ages, different backgrounds, different locations, different studies and background, but all join in, they studied Islamic Studies and their goal is to serve this Deen and this is how we reconnected with Shama May Allah subhanaw taala bless her, and I'm going to introduce her as the first thing I love to introduce woman always she's a mother.

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And she's a mother of two marshawn lots of watercolor and I think it's foreign to young Maria is foreign to about two boys. Yes with two boys a lot less than four and two. The second thing I would love to introduce her is she is the carrier of the book of Allah happy lucky tabula And may Allah spawn tada keep you happy about And may Allah subhanaw taala make the Quran happy, lucky that it keeps you. Now the other interesting thing which this is very common discussion, she also studied non Islamic Studies and she's actually a graduate she has a bachelor degree in child and adolescent development from sunny San Jose, California University and a second bachelor degree in Islamic study

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through well as her University hamdulillah memorize Quran she's also a part of Al hikmah Academy. Am I right to Maria Institute? Yes, less than hamdulillahi Rabbil alameen. And she, with all what I just shared with you with the two boys, four and 200 Allah, she has traveled, she has given a lot of talks that she has a new project that I would love for her to talk about later in the program, and to spread the knowledge of a lush container in the nice in the beautiful way. And most importantly, what's pleasing to Allah fantana Welcome my beautiful Shia hamari on with us. May Allah subhanaw taala accept from all of us And may Allah be with everybody. We already have more than 150 people

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joined us. I told you the topic is a hot one. Hot Topic.

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radicchio, Maria, come on in Bismillah

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Alhamdulillah Allah

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Meanwhile, select what's normal. And also, I just wanted to start by saying It's such an honor to be in the same space as Dr. Hayes that I'm basically going to be listening and nodding and clapping and single level echo to the entire time. And that's my role. But everything that she said it was such an honor to meet you, when I did this panel, I had a question I had literally no one was in the message except for you. And some had Allah.

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I don't know why you weren't meant to go for that year. But I had an urgent question answered for for for my worship, may Allah bless you and reward you and raise your ranks and hamdulillah for the opportunity to be in touch with you and learn from you now inshallah.

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So, as we discussed earlier, before the program, yeah, barium number one, is this an obligation? And the answer is yes. Am I right? Absolutely. And I always say this.

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There is things in this game that is not easy, especially in this day and age. My first step to accepted is accept it's an obligation, that's the first thing. Now practicing it is the next step.

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We'll make it easy. Your ob helped me I'm weak as a different story. But to start with, and why the issue that it is not an obligation. Why? Simply because of this, because in the Quran, the word hijab, it's used, but it is not used in that context. It is not used in the context of dress code. And that's where the confusion comes in. So where is it in the Quran, and I had this discussion again, probably the same time we met. And this time was with a man. And he kept telling me, it's not in the Koran. And I said, You're right. It's not in the Quran. He couldn't believe I said this. And I said, the word hijab is not in the Quran, related to the dress code.

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However, there is two verses in the Koran. And I'm going to just

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refer to them, but I'm not going to go to the whole detail of Tafseer because we are going to cover the whole topic is two places where the last one or whatever, are referred to the dress code of the woman. One is sort of more, and sort of the North is 20 for the chapter, and the verse is two is 31.

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Not to

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say masala to the believing woman, you and me. Every believing woman is hearing us. Every belief you believe in Allah. You believe in Allah, Swati Sato. Sarah, this is for you.

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Yeah, I'm sorry, never your gaze. Were for mfu Johanna and God your private part. When are you Dina Xena tahuna That's number one. Don't show your beauty. Please remember this, this phrase? Because this is so much related to the topic. Don't show your beauty Illa Mahara minha except what it is obvious or it needs to be shown.

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And now when you're gonna be home or when energy will be hidden, that's the verse you're gonna have Netflix ready to hit. But in reality, it's not to hit in the Arabic language only. It's whenever two surfaces are attached to each other absorb. You use it when someone hits someone Why? Because you're that part of your body is touching and getting attached to the other part of the body of the person being hit.

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When we when we say death, the music instrument and we hit call volume with death because it is touching

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the metal bring something close to something What is that your long behold, that's the word. There is no hijab here. What is Mr. Kumar we need to learn the language of the Quran and the language are most pantalla used and the Arabic language and femur from hammer, actually hammer alcohol in Arabic. The root is the same thing. Anything that covers

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and camo alcohol called camo because it covers the intellect.

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Marina what is normally hidden homily and chemo is a piece of clothing. That usually covers the hair. Once I say came up, that means the hair is covered. Like when I say a trouser, trouser mean the private part and the legs part of it or all of it is covered. And I'm not saying cover your hair. The hair is already covered. While you're

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on there. Jade Jade is the opening. You know that like the V neck Davina that's a job in that that time they used to cover they drop like that.

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dupatta these days we see it, cover the hair and throw it in the back. But this part is showing. And Allah said and this is an order by the way, while you're in any order in the Quran means it's an obligation unless there is another place or in the same words that changes it.

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And Allah tell them, you're gonna bring it tight. Let this touch this. Hello homily Allah you will be in cover it and he against as well are you Dina Xena tone, don't show your beauty. And then he went on Allah subhanaw taala and who are the people that I can show my beauty? That's number one. So I have to note the chapters 24 is 31 second one is Zeb and then as I was 33 chapter 33. The vs 59 Yeah, you want to be this is total Swati hisako sir, all profits. All profit Do you want to be say yes word. Your wise woman Attica your daughters when he says money and the believing woman? Question I'll throw to everybody listening to us. Am I miss out on what we need? Are you only sell remotely?

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Are you a believing woman? Yes or no? Of course. Yes. You believe in Allah. You believe in Allah. So Allah Assad was set up, it doesn't matter once. It doesn't matter what we are doing. We are all sinners, but I am a believing that's versus for me.

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You're a wannabe prophet say

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we as logical your wives webinar, Attica, your daughters when he sat in uomini you demean Allah Hindemith, Jana BBN jilbab. That's the word in the Koran. And what is jilbab there is a lot of discussion in the again in the tafsir. In general, what I came in conclusion after looking at many of us here is the dress that covers the body of the woman

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covered the body of the woman long and covers the body of the woman. Whether it is an abaya whether it is a long white shirt, while kameez whether it's a long film under it a white pants, like what you see in Turkey, as long as it is wide, and does not describe the body.

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These are the two orders in the Koran.

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These are what can we say it when you study the Quran, these verses is no doubt about that.

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No doubt about the obligation. Number two, and guess what? I want Marian to jump in Shanghai, Maria. The word choice? Yeah, sure. Hi, Maria. You hear this? A lot.

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It's my choice to wear it or not to wear it. Have you heard that? Absolutely. Please come on in and comment on it. There is an interesting concept with choice. A lot of times when we look at women who wear hijab, or struggle with hijab or choose to remove hijab, one of the points that are brought in is that they the recognition that it's an obligation, yes. But at the same time, thinking that it is my choice whether or not I'm going to follow that obligation, which is 100% true. But there's also this this conversation that I've heard so many times, wrapped up in that and that is that if somebody feels like they're a hypocrite with wearing hijab, they choose not to wear it, because they

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feel like yes, it's an obligation. Yes, it's a choice whether or not I'm going to follow that obligation. But it's more righteous not to, not to seem hypocritical. If, for example, I struggle with hijab, maybe a sister wears it sometimes why not other times. And I think that that concept wrapped up in choice is one of the things that as a Muslim woman, we need to really reconcile, because the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam taught us that

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the Mujahid and in this context, I'm going to say spiritual warrior is the one who fights against his or her soul in the obedience of Allah. And so when we're talking about, yes, it's a choice whether or not you're willing to follow an obligation. It's the same thing as when we struggle to pray, would we say that if you struggle to pray all of the prayers, you shouldn't pray any of them at all, you should become a perfect Muslim before you choose to pray. We wouldn't have that type of discussion when it comes to something as critical as Salah. So in the same way, yes, it's a choice whether or not we're going to follow any commandment of Allah subhanaw taala. Absolutely. But at the

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same time, it's an obligation from someone who loves us more than anyone, and sometimes recognizing that in the struggle itself. It doesn't make us hypocrite

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It doesn't make you a bad believer. In fact, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is calling this person Mujahid because regardless of the fact that you don't even want to do it, you're struggling with it. Sometimes you see yourself in and you hate it, but you still do it anyway you still make that choice anyway, that person is a spiritual warrior in the sight of Allah subhanaw taala.

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So, so if I want to

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summarize, I use this term and, and you comment on it when people tell me it is my choice. And I always use the same word. You know, what is the beautiful thing about this Deen? There's a lot of beautiful thing about Islam. I always use these two. Number one, not to zero was not always raha

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also will carry the burden, the burden, he means the sins of another person is obey the law. My mom will not be accountable. When I am grown up. Right? My sister did something disobedience to Allah, I am not going to be asked about it. Allah is going to ask me about it. That's number one. The second beauty is Mencia, you will you want. So the choice and I always say this, I said, Absolutely. It's a choice. The choice is to obey a law or not to obey a law. It's a big word. It's the same as Salah, same as fasting, Ramadan, there is no difference. There's no difference, same as paying Zakah. And you are eligible to pay. It's the same, its obligations. So when people tell me, I don't ask

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someone, and they say that for no reason, I just don't pass them on. I don't judge anybody. I say you know what, that's your choice. But I will add one thing.

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Each one of us and I keep reminding myself of this, each one of us and some of you may have heard me saying this many times, we all we're going to have a private interview with our last panel, Tada.

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Each individual Muslims, non Muslims, young and old, at what time, at one time, will call your home to multi Amati for everyone, they're going to come to him Subhana alone. In that private interview, there will be nobody else with me. And nobody is going to come to my rescue is going to be me, him subpoena and my book,

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I need to have a good reason to tell him why I did not choose to obey Him. Because that's the question.

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That's the choice I always wanted. Because by the way, this is very common, not only from people, even us individually, it comes to us and say I'm weak. It's very hard. It's very hard. Again, in the beginning, keep reminding myself, I am going to be meeting him. And I will need to answer to him. So the choice is obey Him or don't obey Him.

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This brings me to the other one. Why do you think it's very difficult to marry him? You grew up in this country? Right? You were born and raised in California? Am I right? Yes. Okay. Is it difficult? Yes, yes. Yes, absolutely. Now tell me why. So, so there's three different paths that I think when we as a Muslim community will talk about or consider the PDF and the struggle with it that we should look at. The first one is the way we share a Muslim woman's role in our community and the emphasis on hijab. So for example, I was so blessed hamdulillah to travel and resampler and in all women's spaces, in all different parts of the US and in the UK. And I had so many Muslim women approached me

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in their 40s in their 50s. And they were telling me that this is the first time I've ever heard a Muslim woman reciting the Quran. I've only heard men reciting the Quran, you're the first woman I've ever heard we said the Quran, and had I heard a woman recite it before, I would have thought I can do it too. And we're talking about women who haven't heard a woman who's sitting around for decades. And for some reason, maybe their family, maybe their community, maybe their upbringing, because they never saw a model of it. They never thought that they could do it too. And so sometimes when we talk about hijab, we, we so link, Muslim woman and their roles of hijab would solely this being their

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only role in their relationship with Allah subhanho wa Taala. Like sometimes when we talk about your piety, almost as a Muslim woman, we only focus on the obligation of hijab, which is so important. It's so critical, but we don't also provide spaces for a woman to learn about what it's like to be a Muslim woman with the Quran or with a soul or what the Sierra was like to be a Muslim woman and learning about the female companions of the Prophet solo.

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While he was setting them, so sometimes when we reduce the role of a Muslim woman just to her hijab, and we don't as a community, focus also on building her up mentoring her supporting her, when we go out in California, and all of the messages towards woman is about your beauty and your dress size and the way you look and the length of your eyelashes, and 15 years ago, how thin your eyebrows were, and 15 years later how thick your eyebrows are, if that's the only message we're receiving in our general society, and then we go into the Muslim community and the only message we're receiving in the Muslim community is your email is completely an only related to the way that you present

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yourself, then it leaves very little for women who are struggling with hijab, because really the only rules that we're consistently seeing is your your hijab is really equated to your Amen. And of course, it's a part of men. But one of the reasons I think women struggle with it is because we haven't been given the examples of looselay bowtell, the Allahu Allah in the battle with the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, we haven't been given detailed examples of faulty model the Allahu I'm not as a mother, and the way that she raised her children, we haven't been given detailed examples of conception Tamra, while the ohana and the way that she wrote poetry. So we have all of these

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different companions will do the one on one call, we can say did these incredible things with a jab. And they did this for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala. But we don't necessarily actively create those rules in our communities for women to follow. And so sometimes when we're just reduced only all of Islam and Muslims, woman spaces just a hijab. If a woman is struggling with a different part of its Ma'am, or her relationship with Allah, it becomes very easy to see a hijab as the first part of that, of that, of that core of that struggle. And another thing is that I've talked to so many Muslim youth. And so many times these young girls in middle school are telling me that they're

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wearing their hijab, for the sake of their husbands. They're telling me that they're wearing their hijab, so that they're saving themselves or so that they're, they're protected from men seeing them. And while while protection is a one of the wisdoms in many cases, at the same time, when we share with our young daughters, that the reason we wear hijab is protection from men, or to protect men. And that's the only reason why we wear hijab. We then make hijab about men instead of about Allah to Allah. And Dr. Hayes, so you beautifully spoke about the ayat, these verses are about being a believer and your relationship with Allah subhanaw taala. And Allah has given us so many

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opportunities to step in to the rules, the raw, powerful rules that he has created for Muslim woman with all of these different guidelines. When we make hijab only about men, we then ignore the responsibility of men and the hijab that they need to be wearing. If a woman never gets married, or she has trauma in her marriage, or, or even any type of abuse, and especially May Allah protect everyone, sometimes it comes from their own families. So then does like a job become obsolete, as a job no longer relevant. It No, when we base hijab on men, we then cause women to struggle when they have struggling relationships with men, because hijab is not about men, it's about Allah Subhana

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Allah, and he has created so many wisdoms, in terms of the reasonings, why we wear a hijab. And this point is very, I think, a nuanced one, because then we have to look at a woman's individual reasoning for wearing hijab. There are so many reasons why women choose to wear hijab, and choose to remove hijab. And sometimes I've met women who have made this decision because of immense trauma, they've experienced depression they've experienced because they were suicidal. I've met women who have chosen to remove it, because they struggle with their self confidence during a different part of their lives where maybe they put it on and they felt, you know, very bold, very passionate about

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STEM in the MSA, they had a lot of good friends. 10 years go by, you know, maybe they've been struggling to get married, maybe they're a mother with children, and they're going through postpartum depression, all of these things start to impact the way that they feel about their hijab. So there are so many reasons why different women choose to remove it. But I think going back to this conversation of

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when we, when we recognize that, yes, the head neck so that's why they had an IQ test, but it is absolutely every single person's individual responsibility to choose to wear hijab and to to maintain that relationship with Allah subhanaw taala. At the same time, we have sisters who are going through a lot of different emotional issue. And as a community, we can provide mentorship and support, so that we can help our sisters feel like they can maintain it, so that inshallah we can help our sisters feel like this is something that I can relate to. And despite whatever they're going through, in their lives, in their relationships, in their emotion, that they have a safe place

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in the masjid to come back to that they can make some juden and they feel

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like they belong in, because so many times, we don't feel like we have a space to belong. And if you don't feel like you have a space to belong in your own listed in hijab, then how can we expect women to feel like they have a space to belong in every other aspect of their lives? That doesn't take away anything from the obligation of the web and it's important, but at the same time as a community, we should start asking ourselves how we can support sisters who are struggling with Egypt.

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I loved what you what you said. And I just want to welcome everybody to hamdulillah I'm looking we have people from all over the world who have come from

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which is great because again, this topic needs to be discussed and you brought up a very good point number one is the example example we all grew up with example everyone specially young and even not very young. You always in your life there's someone you look and you say I want to be like her right? Or I want to be like him modeling exactly model that him or her is what we sometimes are missing in our Muslim community. And I'm talking specifically about the woman that's where I I am cautious about using the word empowering woman because sometimes I feel it is being abused as a word. I agree but but in the Muslim community, I agree with you empowering woman the role model

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meaning this is how I always one of the things made me more wrong memorize the Quran is was a sister who I came to know. And I said she's a physician and I am she could do it I can do it doesn't have a lot.

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That's the model.

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This is going to every woman is listening to me handler in gentlemen Institute next month, we're going to start one of our courses for the fall is going to be the poles around the roswaal. A Software Center.

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Yes, the woman pose and I'm not going to talk about history, history, you know it, but what is the role model, and it's so interesting, when you see the wives and and his daughter, each one had the name, not their name, the nickname they were moved, because of the role they played in a

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very different different background. So number one is look in your community. Again, our discussion today, and I'm speaking as a physician is not only finding the problem, the problem is there we know is how can we solve it? Yes, what we do at least bring the treatment if they want to use it, they don't we pray for everybody. But number one is yes, every woman is listening to me. If you are a woman who Allah blessed you with the strength to wear the hijab be the role model for the younger people, be there for them, and absolutely for our massages, and that's another topic Maryam we also

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in Tuesday program next week, inshallah we have shahadi as our guest, where we are talking about education, women needs to learn the beam, the love of their Deen properly. Now one of the difficulties I have seen, and I heard, and I noticed, and this is honestly, my observation these days, it's very hot, where I live in St. Louis. So when you go out to the grocery shop, and you see all these young girls, basically, they are almost wearing nothing almost right? I mean, barely. And I was thinking in my mind, these young girls, the Muslim girls, when they see this, how difficult it is for them, not like everybody else, right?

00:33:42 --> 00:33:54

Brandon, but I did this search and this search will really amaze you. I looked there were studies there are studies then I give you all the the reference that looked at the mental health,

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religion and culture. And specifically, they looked same age group of women in different parts of the world. And I've called the studies that those who practice Islam, including their, their dress code, versus those who are non Muslim, non wearing and Muslim non wearing, and they compared it, and I had this study in front of me, it's in 2016, journal, mental health, religion and culture. And they looked at the differences in body image, disordered eating between Muslim woman who do and do not wear the hijab, this is mental. And they looked at five things. They looked at it the factors that help them wear the hijab, and what affects on their mental health. Look at this one. Number

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one, they looked at the weight.

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The person the woman who wears hijab, how does she look at her weight? She How does she perceived her body image? What about disordered eating and women who wear hijab young they're looking at young and they don't

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What about religion? Or did you last city? If they are religious or not? Does it really make a difference and the body image and perceived support from Allah, this mine and they and the conclusion was this, they found out significantly lower. Look at this weight discrepancy, social physique anxiety, extremely lower body dissatisfaction, drive for thinness, internal internalization of the thing, and the muscular ideal, much lower in those who were religious, but not religious externally. They know there is a support from Allah.

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And this is the key in the treatment, the key they have, they know Allah will keep them strong, Allah will support them. That's one study another one from Turkey. This is a Muslim country. And this is from 2017. So this is very recent, not in the time before Islam became more popular, and they looked at the following. This was his, they found as the positive relationship between the body image and Reggie velocity they found between Christian Muslims and nonpracticing, and this is what they found age from 17 to 46. And they looked at external and internal, they found a very old woman, meaning woman who wear hijab, and they use the word veiled By the way, you see this a lot in the

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when you read, they don't use the word hijab, they used veiled because that's accurate, it's more accurate. So the world women score much lower on social appearance anxiety than non veiled one

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form of the generosity which is basically intrinsic externing popular, all these are highly negatively correlated, negatively, meaning the higher this the lower is this more religious, internally connected with a lot, much less anxiety about social appearance.

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The key and this is one of the treatment, the key and I say this to every woman, young and old, listening to me and from the bottom of my heart, and I am extremely honest, and Allah is my witness, in nothing will keep you wearing the proper dress and I'm not going to use the word t job only because that's something I'm going to come to it later. And I want you to comment on that. Nothing will keep you happy. wearing it with confidence. Unless you have this connection with Allah subhanaw taala

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you are connected with a puppy with a strong, that's his name, then you are strong, you are connected with alcohol, then you can overcome your weaknesses. The first issue to keep you strong to keep you wearing it to make you take the first step and continue on the path is work on your connection with a loss pantalla one of the first advices I got and we all go through this when you achieve what you want in life. you graduate you get your degree, you get married, you get your children then at one point you feel there is void. There is like you've got everything what's next and this is very common. And the advice I heard it from many, many scholars is have the right

00:38:47 --> 00:38:52

connection with Allah subhana wa tada awesome if you Halla Kamala has the full Harlequin mama

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rectify your relationship with Allah subhanho wa Taala. And when another study strength of faith and body image in Muslim and non Muslim, the stronger their faith, the less anxiety about the body image. Another one I have about six studies but for the sake of time, bottom line

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quote is because where is my focus? My focus on my relationship with Allah. Then I don't see what everybody else has seen. Am I right? Yeah, Maria. Absolutely.

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And you I need you to hear from you as a young woman growing up How did you do it? You had all these these struggles, right? Yes, there's there's good points.

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There were speaking especially about the studies that I was reflecting on my personal experience, and some of the things that I've heard from women. So one of them is this concept of consultant. He came up with

00:39:54 --> 00:40:00

the idea of comparison, the way that you see your body image and and the way that you feel about your

00:40:00 --> 00:40:00


00:40:01 --> 00:40:39

Absolutely our connection with Allah subhanaw taala is the number one most important factor in any struggle that we have, especially something as public as hijab, because you'll only do it for the sake of Allah. And if you do it for any other reason, it becomes very easy to question while you're wearing it. Because when it's super hot, when you're super frustrated when you're the only person wearing it, when you're afraid, whatever the reason is, it's very, very easy to blame hijab. But having a connection with Allah subhanaw taala helps you get through it like climbing a mountain. But at the same time, in climbing a mountain, the rope with Allah subhanaw taala is the connection that

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you have to use to get up that mountain like that.

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But at the same time, you have to wear shoes, you have to have a backpack that has food in it, you have to have pics to help you up that mountain. And all of those things, especially when it comes to mental health. It's so important to seek therapy to have a support group to recognize that if you're wearing hijab, and if you're wearing it for the sake of Allah and you still struggle with your body, and you still struggle with the way that you you know, present yourself and you hate yourself and you loathe everything about yourself, seek professional support a connection with Allah subhanaw taala part of the worship of Allah is taking the means, if you don't know ask the people who know

00:41:21 --> 00:42:04

this decree in quantum Natalia moon. So as the people who know if you don't know, so the important thing I think when we're looking at studies like this is taking the comfort that there has actually been psychological research that the our relationship with Allah can weather us in the storm. And at the same time, that doesn't mean that we shouldn't take the means necessary to not only draw closer to Him, but also to find the support we need from the bag that He has given us to be able to get through it. And then the second point is when we're talking about, you know, the concept of hijab and mental health and depression and body image and all of those things. We also care about women

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who don't wear hijab, and women who are not Muslim, and the way that they feel about their bodies. And I remember once when I was in high school, at that time, I had just started getting into assignment, I was so excited about it, and I was wearing a hijab, I just start wearing too bad. And there was not that not that job is a necessity I just happened to dab in, but the concept of you know, this very modest, loose dress. But I was with, you know, in this class, and I started walking up to this place where I was supposed to go, and I hear two of my male classmates talk about another girl in our class, and they were describing her body. And they were talking about how hot she is and

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the curves over her body and then hearing this as I'm walking by. And and I'm about to say something and they see me and they say oh, we are so sorry that you heard it say that. We respect you so much. We would never say something like that about you. And I was like, why don't you respect her to? Yes, you may

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carry yourself in a certain way with hijab which is comprehensive hijab is not just about covering, it's a comprehensive interaction with other people. It's the way you're generous with people. It's the way that you lower not just your eyes, but your thoughts from certain things. This is why Allah subhanho wa Taala talks about men and commanding them to lower their gaze before the eye yet on the eye on on lowering your gaze and, and and covering for women, because it's an if we don't train our men to wear their hijab, if we do not have men who are aware of their responsibility and supporting women, and not just Muslim women who wear hijab, but all women, all women are their sisters in

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humanity, they should respect any person. Now of course, we wear hijab because Allah subhanaw taala knows that this is the best for us. He's an Hakeem. And he is the one who has has mandated this mandated this for us out of his love for us. And at the same time, as women who wear hijab, we have to work to create a society where other women who are not Muslim were other women who are Muslim who don't wear hijab, find that with woman in hijab, too. They feel a sense of support and safety. And they feel that with men, and I've actually met women who have converted to Islam, because they were in a bar, and they were with Muslim men. And of course, Muslim men and women should not go to bars

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to make Dawa. But they were getting drunk with someone. And they said this Muslim man, even though he knew he was doing something wrong, he treated me with more respect than any other man has ever treated me in a bar. And that's what made her want to learn about Islam. So the concept of obviously, not a good example. But my point is that hijab is not just about the way that we dress, it's also about our interactions, not just the concept of modesty, but also the concept of caring and supporting people. Because when you have a sense of high up, and this sense of Hey, but in front of Allah subhanaw taala you

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Want to create? This is a society where people are respected too. And hijab is something that's supposed to inculcate that within ourselves and in our interactions with other people.

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I fully agree with you. Yeah, Maria, I have couple of things to Paula as you were talking King to my mind. And this is going to be to every woman who have not yet started, she's thinking of it. But she has this fear. And this feels so real. One of the questions I had when I first did it and what from one of my family member said what about if you change your mind? What about six months from now you find out that this is not for you. is true, it is so true. And Allah sent me a friend who taught me this da and then of course I learned that the hamdulillah and I'm going to see this doctor everyone and this you can apply it in any step in any act of worship. You want to obey on law, you started

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but then you're back. And you're so hesitant to start and we are subject is woman dress, so we'll use it for that. Allah homogeneous Luka sebat. Allah in me as a Luca sebat, look at what I'm saying, your Allah, you're joining to him, not to anyone, and who's going to respond. And Luigi will Paula Dada. Who else will respond the person in need, except Allah, Allah whom Allah in me. As I look, I asked you at the bath steadfastness. steadfastness, may Allah reward the person who taught me this long time ago, when I

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I can't tell you what this law did. And now in every challenge and challenges in life, it's not ending. This is life. Right? So that's number one. Number one is feeling up and down is very common. Feeling up and down doesn't mean when I am down, I am going to just succumb to it. And it's my choice. No, that's the easy way. That's what I say to myself. The easiest way is to sleep in the morning and don't wake up at 4am right or 5am much easier, much easier to be like everybody else. Aloha. My name is Lucas habit number one. Number two. Remember this hobbies, my beautiful sisters, JAL, Islam, arriba

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roba Islam came as a stranger, and it will return as a stranger toolbar, black tiding place in Jannah for those strangers. Do you want to be a stranger?

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Do you want to be a stranger? What a stranger, we're all strangers. But you want to be a stranger in the sight of Allah. This is what we need to keep reminding ourselves how to stay strong. Because if we don't stay strong, we will get weak. We ask it we absolutely. What's the advice you give your marine and this is very popular these days social media. I call it Scylla Hondo had

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a weapon with two piece. One can kill you and one can lift you up. So we see an amazing examples, amazing examples of woman dressed, speak, act and have a lot of followers. We have woman who Mashallah about a cola have amazing causes, really causes pleasing to Allah subhanho wa Taala a lot of followers, but then suddenly, they were dressed the way Allah subhanaw taala want us meaning covered. And I note one point, when I talk about hijab, I don't talk about head cover only.

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It's not showing the beauty of your body, and then they take it off.

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This I hear this almost every day, what should we do?

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As people want everyone to obey Allah subhanho wa Taala.

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So I'm not going to say to specific people.

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But I'd like to talk on on the culture. There's this culture right now which is like, be your authentic self. You do you This is my truth. And while there are so many benefits in those terms, when they're connect what grounds us which is a relationship with Allah subhanaw taala those terms can actually be very harmful. If you do you and speaking your authentic truth isn't grounded in something when we are 19 or when you're Think of yourself at 14. Think of yourself at 24 think of yourself at 54 the things that are important to you a 14 are gonna be very different from 54. You might have some core principles that you stick with, but your life experiences the people who have

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come to you

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The trauma you've experienced the joys you've experienced, all of those things are going to shape who you are in different parts of your life. This is why it's a Ruffner and an incredible mercy that Allah has given us something to ground us, being your authentic self is so special when you ground that with understanding your relationship with Allah. And so I like to use the term, your eternal self. Because we don't just have this moment, we don't know how long we're going to be here on Earth. But we do know that we have an entire hereafter where we pray that we will be with the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu, alayhi wasallam and our loved ones, and the highest paradiski on them.

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And so when we look at that snapshot, your eternal self is who you'd like to be in the moment you're taking that final breath, where you wish you would be? And how do you get there, that process in a culture that tells you to just be yourself? Yes, be yourself. But you know, what your self can look like? It can look like the things that you identify with. But it can also look like that, grounded in this outward appearance of hijab. Now I know me saying that can cause people to say, Well, do you mean that people who take off their hijab don't have a relationship with Allah, people say you don't know my relationship with Allah, you know, like, my heart is where it only Allah can judge my heart.

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Absolutely. I don't feel like I even need to make those statements because they're so obvious. And we, we all know that we all support that. But I think speaking to this culture of recognizing that

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we talk about what's going on to Allah, sometimes in our community without giving ideas on how to make that connection. Gina said, you know, Dr. Nan wrote a book called The names of Allah, the names of Allah series, it's on virtual mosques, calm, I recommend every person there, go through one article a week, pick a name of a lesson or talent that you read two minutes of, and then you make dua to Allah subhanaw taala, by that name that entire week, then the next week you choose another and the next week you choose another because we when we talk about you have to have this connection with Allah. Absolutely. But then sometimes we don't know who Allah is. And the messages that we've

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been given, especially specifically as a woman is often rooted in your piety is very much attached to the way that you're dressed. And so if someone is struggling with that, they don't know how they can come to Allah subhanaw taala if they're struggling with the thing that's supposed to make them the most pious, and that's not the message of Islam. That's sometimes the message that our community gives us. So how can I connect to a let's move on to Allah by each of his specific names, reading the Quran, in in high school for me, changed my life. I read it in the English translation, I'm not Arab. I didn't I didn't study Arabic at that time. Reading the translation changed my life. And you

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know, Dr. hate that when I transitioned my hijab, to start covering myself, like the way I'm wearing right now, I hated it. I remember standing in front of the mirror, and just praying, like you said, Oh, Allah make it beloved to me, because I hated it. So Oh, Allah make you beloved to me make it beloved to me. And I started to learn who Allah is, I trusted him, because I read his book in English, learning about the messages he's given me. I'm starting to learn about his names and attributes. And I said, I'm going to accept that this is what Allah subhanaw taala is asking of me, even if I don't understand it. And I'm not saying women who have removed their hijab haven't done

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that. I'm telling you my personal experience, that process is what saved me when I struggled with my hijab. Today, I'm running after toddlers, it is super hot. Sometimes my hijab gets in the way, I'm frustrated, I'm sweating. And I'm saying, oh, Allah, let me go to a place in Paradise, where I can feel the things that I'm asking for right now. Because I know who he is. So I trust what he's asked me to do. And again, I'm not saying you don't know that, as someone who's struggling with your hijab. I'm just saying, instead of focusing on why you want to remove it, ask yourself, why should you keep it on? Sometimes when we think about the reasons why a sister wants to remove it? It's not

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necessarily hijab itself. It's something she's going through. I've been approached by so many women going through divorce, or struggling to get married or in struggling marriages, who want to remove it because of that relationship. That's not a job. That's your relationship. If that was not there in your life, would you be struggling with hijab? Think about the cause of what's causing you to struggle with hijab? And if that was removed, is it that that's causing you to struggle? Or is it your hijab? And look at really, you know, just make that distinction between hijab and what you're struggling with. And then finally, sometimes women struggle in our community because of a

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misunderstanding and misapplication of is an idea that we don't understand as women, sometimes those is in our head, which are so beautiful and healing for us, when we understand them can be presented in a way that actually

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causes harm for a woman. And that can be on by an individual. It can be even in the policy of a Masjid that's based on a misunderstanding or a cultural issue, not actually Islam. And so women struggle with their Eman and they struggle with their hijab, because of those messages that they're they're receiving from, from the structures or from these individuals. And really bring about these the very I took a class in college, it was called a woman in Islam. I took it because I thought I'm going to teach the professor about the most empowering things about Islam, I knew that she was going to say things that were trying to show how Islam doesn't empower women, and again, that word

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empowerment, but this concept of uplift woman, and she brought up things that I had no idea how to how to respond to my man was so challenged in that class that took me three years before I was able to actively study women in Islam again, because I was so afraid that if I studied women's issues that will cause me to go further away from a small toddler. But I focus my time on memorizing the Quran. I focus my time on learning Arabic so that I could access the text that taught us about the Sahaba. And all of these issues that sometimes we think are all of Islam, but might be one opinion, or might be one messed with cultural practice. And when we look at those areas, and we look at a

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Muslim woman, comprehensively, the culture that we can create enormous sajit is one where Muslim woman want to feel want to wear hijab, because they feel supported in it, they feel like they can be assertive, and dynamic and energetic and that's all modest to all of those things are still modest when you do them in a modest way. And so for us, I think as a community, when we look at recreating the the spaces that we have, we can inshallah then hope that Muslim woman who has struggled with this issue, can see these if and these Heidi get the answers that they're looking for. And then feel like they can continue to wear hijab feeling strong in it because they see it as a form of this raw

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power that Allah tala has given Muslim woman and not a tool of inequality or just a disempowerment, which is unfortunately oftentimes not just a personal feeling that a woman feels but a message that she receives from the way that the structure of the community is created. Does that love area Marian, it's extremely, I loved it, how long have only three minutes left, but I just want to add a couple of things.

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The the base to start with, in any act of obedience to Allah, right? Whether it is the dress code, whether it's my son, whether it is my submission to Allah, whether accepting the test, the challenges I go, that we need to it's the foundation like you're building a home, look at now my relationship with Allah, I am building a home, right? And Allah gave me the material. He gave it to me, most of us born as Muslims, he gave it free. Some had to go and bite the foundation of that house is the following.

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And back to knowing Allah, Allah is a laddle Allah is the just number one number one every ruling he put is just I can understand it I cannot it's difficult society will not accept it that doesn't make it wrong. It just a lot is that just that's number one. Number two a lot is in Korea and I say this again because I use this name a lot every time I feel weak Yeah, I really that's how I say it even physically when I get overwhelmed at work and I really have to go and do something and I was like yo Are we a weenie you all or so give me the strength we are nothing yeah a wellness and to move to Colorado in a law the law well honey you're Hamid Oh people you are the beggars the poor if you

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compare to Allah and Allah is all honey honey he's all rich he self sufficient so the foundation and this is to every woman struggling to get off you you wanted to put it back you already did it and you want to stay strong foundation is everything Allah said is a truth the way it's presented the way I look at it that's a different thing number one number two, the challenge is the people around us and there was a question who I put it beautifully and please forgive me sisters we can take all the questions in short live along with we may do part two of this yeah Maryam number two is the people the most challenging

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thing factor to a woman when she decide to do it is the people around her the question comes in what people will say about me, how do people accept me I say this all I hear this all the time. What are you telling me tomorrow I'm gonna go to the workplace what I've been there for a year or two and they suddenly see me different or I am going to go to the class and they used to me, my answer is the following.

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If you decide tomorrow, you're not blonde

01:00:00 --> 01:00:04

You're blonde, and tomorrow you decided to change your hair color.

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You are not blonde, you decide you want to be blonde, and you are not blonde and you and your blonde and decided to make your hair black. What is going to happen next day when you are going to go? Everybody will look at you. Everybody will ask you, right? And then second and third day done.

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Meaning any change, people will ask, just get ready. Just get ready for that day and keep asking Allah to keep you strong. What about husbands? And that question came in it's a very true scenario when the husband does not accept.

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That's very difficult to one. And I will not give a general answer because it's every case by case but it is true scenario. In general, ask Allah to change that person. Heart. We ask a lot to give you a patient. ask Allah to keep you to keep you strong again, if you heard anything common between all of us what we said today is it is a relationship with a loss of Hannah hautala hablo lahi McKeen the strong rope of Allah hold to it. Maybe the change will not come right away. I can share with you scenarios of people I know where the husband absolutely said it's either your head cover actually didn't even say heads cover what you have on your head, or I am leaving you with the four children.

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Yes, these are reality. And of course, she had not to do it at the moment because there's four children.

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But guess worse. But guess what happened? Patient a lot of drama. She was obeying a law and everything and Allah knows her heart is there after two years she did it and he's absolutely fine with it.

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Now whether you're young or liberal,

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or watching this so ladies, what I'm trying to say and Miriam, I will leave you the last word. Don't and I say this to myself before anyone don't sell your dunia. Don't sell your alpha for dunya

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it doesn't worth it. It's a lost game. How long we will live how long we will live 50 6080

01:02:16 --> 01:02:18

and the eternal Is there

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a Turner was the anoxia 100 roswaal A Satoshi and this is about dress code in general and this is in Muslim and he said to group of people I have not seen them yet.

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group one is men who will be carrying look like and they will be hitting people

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and number two woman and this is what he said casiotone are yet they are dressed but they are as if they are not addressed. Described they're here and they and he said these two group of people will not smell the smell of Jana.

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Does a 3d worth it? Does it really worth it in this question to everybody? Does it really worth it to sell my than my eternal core a 50 or a 60 year to please these people

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marry him I leave the last word to you.

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I just want to add one thing and then I'll as inshallah have an ending point with regards to marriage supine Allah that Allah subhanaw taala change that person that husband's heart and that I'm delighted she was able to get a job with support. This is obviously a different discussion like that I hate that mentioned but there are actually obviously abusive husbands and husbands who have all the circumstances so please seek professional help as well. When you're going through this process make and seek help from professionals and I know it doesn't doctor hate that word intended as well. But the last point that I want to leave you with is that sometimes, you know we, we feel like we're

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going away from Allah subhanaw taala. And so we don't necessarily seek all of the means to run back to him because we might not feel like we're good enough. And I hear this all the time. I don't feel like a lot can ever forgive me. I don't know how Allah will ever forgive me because I haven't forgiven myself. And when we look at a shuttle de la Juana, she made a statement. And that was that if the Prophet salallahu alaihe salam because the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, he told us Do not prevent the female slaves of Allah from ever the female servants of Allah subhanaw taala from going to the houses of Allah subhanaw taala and I shall do Hannah said about her time the woman

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in her time, but if she had if the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam had seen a woman in her time, how you know they were dressed and how they acted and all the things that prophets will alohar they still would have closed that door. And that's not that's not her exact statement. Well, he wouldn't he wouldn't have made that statement. If it had a little already slim, even hedgerow. He then explains that if I showed all the Allah who saw that in their time, in his time, that woman had access to the market like our time you can go to the market and the mall you can go to the movies you can go to anywhere but the mystic can be hard to access. Even even mentions that I should be a

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little on has said would have said that

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The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam the excuse me, I truly love her and her would have said that it's an obligation for women to go to the masjid. And the reason it's so confusing the way I explain that what I'm just trying to say is that when you're struggling with your faith, and sometimes you feel like the mission isn't the space to go for you, especially if you don't feel like it's comfortable for you to go there. Know that Allah doors are open for you that he wants you to go back to him. And that if you can't forgive yourself, that doesn't mean that Allah subhanaw taala hasn't forgiven you know, when you struggle with yourself you something you did five years ago, 10 years

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ago, two weeks ago, you make Toba for you go back to when you want to change, but then you feel like how can I I can't even forgive myself for doing this thing. You the way that you see yourself is not necessarily the way Allah sees you. He can obliterate all of your mistakes with his mercy. So go back to him, go back to the masjid, put your head on in on the floor and such to seek professional support, find a support group that's going to cheer you on. inshallah, in this journey. That's a lifetime that especially with all the ups and downs of life, emotionally, physically, relationships, all of that, and know that at the end of the day, when you do something for his sake, that he he is

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you walk towards him, he runs towards you. So just take that step, even if it's slow, and you feel like you're broken and you're shattering and let him run towards you. And don't give up on yourself because he certainly hasn't given up on us Panama. So panel I will end up with of course a verse from the Quran will lead the Niger hadoo Hina. And Deanna who Sue Lana, we're in a lot of animosity. I love this verse. It's the last verse and sought to uncover the spider one lady Naja hadoo phenol quote Allah say those who struggle in their core in our cause. any act of obedience these days is a struggle tjahaja feeder for us not fee Sabina Trina for us. Look what will happen is so hard to go

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to the masjid because it is not welcoming. It's so hard to put that scarf or dress properly because I think everybody will look at me I think I'm going to not look nice. Look what Allah said struggle put it in. It's hard but I'm going to do it. He said Lennar Deanna homeschool and we will and who's saying it a lot then and you know there's so many stress in the Arabic language in this just towards lenez young for sure. For sure. We will guide them to our way you know what that mean? You're so scared to enter the masjid because you don't know what people will say. suddenly find the sweetest woman saying Oh,

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you are so you think you're gonna go tomorrow to work on your wedding the scarf and everybody will make fun of you and say, well, you look much nicer. That's Nadia. Now sabudana Allah will make the impossible possible. And then he said what you know Halima and masa Nene and Burnley, Allah is with those who act with excellence with him. And if Allah with me, who's going to be able, who will give me anything if a lot were not and who will take anything from me If Allah will share harmonium I loved it. I enjoyed it, but we are already eight minutes over time. Does

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it smell good time here in St. Louis. My camera? Yes, and I am sure we'll have more please forgive me everyone. We could not intend to entertain your questions in Sha one sha Allah we will try to do another one of this because again this is a very real topic affect everybody. And this is what we are trying to do on a Tuesday program is pick up topics that is real from our daily life. May Allah pantalla accept from all of us. Exactly. Now why reaction

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is such an honor to learn.

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Give my salon to all the ladies in California.

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And he goes beautiful lady.

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St. Louis, maybe Michelle Uppsala and McKenna Europe.

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What else I want is Aquila hit everybody. Please forgive us for going over time. So palika lahoma behind the eyeshadow and stuff we will cover today. So Allah Allah say yum 100 while he was happy to Sleeman kathira this will be on our gender Institute's youtube so if you want to go back to it or invite others, please follow us Subscribe to our YouTube channel and you will find much more of these exact low high the

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low fakie

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