70 Major Sins #23 Sin 42 Eavesdropping and Spying, Sin 43 Carrying Tales & Backbiting

Fatima Barkatulla

Channel: Fatima Barkatulla

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Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala rasulillah dear sisters salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. And welcome to another class in our series, the 17 major sins based on guitar bull kabaya by Imam Abu Dhabi. I'm the life of any new sisters joining us today because I met quite a lot of sisters yesterday.

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We were at lambda hugs, charity walk,

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raising money for Muslim women and their children in need.

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And I know you have users to set they're going to join us. So if any of you are new, please do let me know.

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But let's continue so last time we did actually start talking about

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some more Allah nursey ma use a rule eavesdropping on listening in on people regarding things that they want to keep private, want to keep secret? Private really should say

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Subhana Allah, this is a major sin. And we started talking about what exactly it means but today inshallah we'll look at it in a lot more detail. So very clearly a loss Canada Allah tells us in the Quran that Yeah, you have Lavina imanage tourney boo kefir. I mean, I've done that, oh, you who believe avoid, stay away from most types of suspicion. And then Allah says in about avani ism, that's certain types of suspicion or a lot, some types of suspicion are a sin. Then Allah Subhana Allah says clearly, while it just says Sue and do not spy on one another, do not spy on one another.

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What are your ba ba boom ba ba? And do not backbite one another? Or you have bought a hydro coma? Yeah, cool. Allah He Matan forgot to that would you like to eat the flesh of your dead brother? No, you would a poor It

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was a lie in a lighter web over him. And be conscious of Allah. Allah. For Allah is oft returning, Most Merciful. We can see here clearly as prohibition Allah Subhana Allah says don't spy on one another.

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And what does spying mean? spying basically means

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trying to seek out something right, trying to look into something secretly that is supposed to be secret or somebody is trying to keep private. We'll see some definitions soon. And Charlotte in this had the if you've been our bus narrated that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is reported to have said, and he seeks to listen to the talk of a people secretly will have molten lead poured into his ears on the Day of Resurrection.

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And then the headache goes on and he who makes a picture of people or other creatures with a soul,

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such as animals and insects as an explanation, he makes a swift will be severely punished. And he will be asked to infuse a soul into into those images, right images of living things that he or she created, which he will not be able to do. But the main area as you can see that we're highlighting here is he who seeks to listen to the talk of a people secretly

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will have molten lead poured into his ears on the Day of Resurrection

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panela

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in this head, the

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Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is reported to have said, beware of suspicion.

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Or suspicion is the full cyst of speech. Do you not eavesdrop?

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Do you not spy on one another. eavesdrop means listening in right leaves listening in to conversations. Do not spy on one another. Do not envy one another and do not forsake one another. Do not hate one another be Oh slaves of Allah brothers. So panela Allah Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is highlighting for us some of the things that cause the most destruction, right and division.

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In a community, so Pamela, what are the causes of most of the problems that you know, amongst, I don't know your family members or extended family or friends or social group, it's usually based on suspicion. So having a false interpretation or negative interpretation of something somebody has said or done, right? That's basically what suspicion is. And then

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talking about it, false speech, right. And then listening in on people's conversations, or looking at things that you're not supposed to be looking at reading letters or messages from people that were not meant for you. And then these types of things cause also ignite envy, right?

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Or envy in which you feel envy in the mix. It makes things even worse, right? And all of these things lead to Muslims and or people forsaking one another. not speaking to one another, falling out with one another, holding grudges.

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Having ill thoughts, so event, right, having negative suspicion about one another, right?

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That leads to forsaking one another, and hatred. SubhanAllah. And all of that is against being brothers and sisters, isn't it? Mm hmm. No, he explains what this justice means. Right? So Allah says, what I just said, Sue, don't

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spy on one another.

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He says some of the scholars said that the hacerse means eavesdropping, and the justice. So listening into other people's conversations, and the justice is seeking out people's faults. So you're looking into things, you know, like a spy, you're spying, you're trying to look into things, trying to find things out about somebody to find something to fault them with. Right, something wrong, you're looking for something wrong. Or he says it was suggested that they just source means looking for secrets. The word is mostly used in the sense of evil.

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And he says the jasoos the spy is the one who seeks out secrets for evil purposes. And the NA most is the one who seeks out secrets for good purposes. And it was said that the justice means looking for information for someone else. So like, for example, somebody pays somebody to go and, you know, spy on someone, right? And the hustle means looking for information for oneself. The main thing I think we take from this is that it's all negative, right? Obviously, now somebody might ask, what about spying? Like a state? spying, you know, espionage, right? What about that? Well, you know,

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in situations of war, when it comes to, you know, protecting

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a country, for example, right, or people, then that type of spying is actually allowed, right? So we know that the, for example, even the Prophet sallallahu sallam, he had people who would go out to seek information

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during times of war, right? When, for example, the Muslims were constantly under attack from the machine again,

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that's different, that's what we're talking about. That's about, you know, protecting the armor or protecting the community. And that's about a state right? And the hacking the ruler of the state, having some kind of mechanism in place to find out things that might put the state at risk, put the country but the people at risk, right. So we're not talking about that kind of spying here, we're talking about ordinary people, spying on one another, on an everyday basis, trying to seek out people's faults, trying to trip them up, etc, right?

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This is all stuff that we should not be doing. A person might think, well, listening in on people's messages. Well, people's phone call, I don't listen into people's private discussions. But I might read somebody who's private text messages, or I might find a letter that has been sent to somebody and I'll open it and read it or a package or, you know, I might check their phone to see what, who's been phoning them and things like that, right? All of this can come under this major Sim. All of this can come under this medicine because it's all a type of listening in right reading

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Listening, you know, it's not to be taken literally in that sense,

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listening into things that were meant to be kept private, secret, and private, right? That includes if somebody has confided in you, right? So it also goes the other way that you know, you have to be really careful. If somebody has confided in you private information, sought your advice, etc. You don't have to be a professional, right? In order to keep their confidence. It should be a given. But unfortunately, nowadays, have you noticed sisters that when we privately talk to somebody, maybe we're being very vulnerable, telling them some of our problems and asking them for advice? We tend to fear don't we, that

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that person actually might disclose that to somebody? So I've noticed that we all kind of feel that we have to say,

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look, this is just between me and you, okay? Can you please keep this in confidence.

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Which is kind of sad. Because as Muslims, that should be a given, do you see, it should be a given, when you come to me, and you're talking to me, one to one, you're telling me something, it should be a given that that is private, you know, and that I'm not going to now go and tell somebody else about it. Even my spouse or anyone, you know, I'm not going to tell anyone about it, especially not by name. Right? Not identifying you, right. But unfortunately, I've noticed, I feel like this myself, you know, if I'm talking to somebody privately, feel like I have to emphasize and say, Please keep this confidential, but the arsenal should be that is confidential, this one saying that

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also the kind of the default, the default should be that it is confidential. So somebody might ask what about as a parent, you know, you might keep an eye on what your child's communications and things like that. I don't think there's any harm in keeping tabs, especially on a non adult child, you know, and

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I wouldn't encourage it, you know, I wouldn't say you know, read all their messages and, you know, constantly keep an eye on everything they're doing. I don't think that's healthy. And I think that can breed other sorts of problems, right?

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We should instead, talk to our children, tell them what normal and good interactions are, what to be aware of right not to give out their details, not to talk to somebody who's a stranger, they can communicate with friends, and people who they actually know, in real life, for example,

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etc, etc. But what we don't want to do, especially when they're very young is to completely let it go. Right? Or to be so controlling that we're like, they just feel like there's somebody constantly looking over their shoulder, right. So I think there's a healthy balance somewhere that and as they get older, I really think we have to

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empower them, and trust them, and

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allow them to have a level of freedom, you know, and to self police.

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But obviously, as a carer, as a parent, it is your responsibility to, especially if there's any thing strange going on, you know, for you to, to intervene. And you might need to read a private communication from a child. That happened to me Actually, and that is that when I was a teenager, I, you know, when you're a teenager, you go through different phases. So I wanted to get married to somebody when I was a student in Egypt, and I was 16, by the way, so obviously, my parents would not be too chuffed with that. And I wrote a letter being a young 16 year old I wrote a letter, by the way, this is before the internet. Well, the internet had just kind of started come onto the scene,

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you know, I wasn't writing emails. I wrote a letter to my sister back in London, telling her that I, I would really like to marry this particular person, etc, etc.

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And my parents intercepted that letter and read it. Okay. And that was a good thing. I'm glad that they did.

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And so, then my mom actually came over to Egypt to

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to make sure I was okay. And

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to kind of talk sense into me probably,

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you know, to, to manage the situation etc. So, you see that in that case, I can

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See how it was good. It was good that my parents intercepted that letter. And it was kind of like a duty of care, right? That their daughter is abroad. And, you know, they need to know what's going on and stuff like that. So it's not, there's no harm to protect a child or to protect a young person who you're the parent or carer of, you know, to keep an eye on their communications and

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things like that, you know, but I would say not to do it in an obsessive an excessive way. So

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how do we avoid

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eavesdropping? Because it's kind of tempting, isn't it?

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You hear somebody having a very compelling conversation in another room. It's very tempting to just kind of stand there outside the room and listening right? Or just quietly be doing something and but subconsciously, or consciously, you're listening, right?

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It's very tempting, when you receive a message from someone, have you seen what's lookup, or somebody so and so has said, Look at what so and so is doing. It's very tempting to read that, right, and to get into it.

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But here are my kind of tips for avoiding falling into eavesdropping spying, and those kinds of things. First of all, just have an attitude of minding your own business, you know, if it doesn't concern, you just don't get involved. And

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be happy about that. Because so finally, you know, there's a saying ignorance is bliss, right?

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There's some truth to that. You don't need to know that. All the ins and outs, that all the mistakes, all the issues that somebody is dealing with, or talking about, or cetera, et cetera, right? Keep your mind fresh, keep your mind clear. You know, don't bog it down with other people's business. If it concerns you, the only it has something to do with you. And it's important, then there are proper ways to pursue that thing. And one of them is not to eavesdrop or to spite. That's not one of those ways, right. So just have an attitude of minding your own business. The second thing is, keep yourself busy

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with beneficial pursuits.

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Although I hear a lot of the time when people fall into these kinds of things, and then they become obsessive. And, you know, look, the reason why I know about this is because, you know, I've had sisters contact me, for example, who will say, you know,

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my husband left his phone at home, and I was I started looking through it,

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you know, and I saw that there's somebody who he communicates with a lady.

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And it just seems a little bit too chatty. Right? And I feel really upset. And I feel like contacting that person and having a go at them. And, you know, all this kind of stuff, right? And, yeah, maybe maybe the husband is being a bit chatty, and maybe,

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but maybe there's no nothing beyond that, you know, it's just like, he's just listen to standards a little bit.

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Now, you hadn't, you still had no right?

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To pick that phone up and look through it.

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You know, it was not your business. And it's not the business of a Muslim, either a husband or wife

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to seek out each other's faults to constantly look and pry and think to find ways of find reasons to get jealous, basically, right, find reasons to fault the other person shouldn't be trying to seek that out. And I think a lot of the time when sisters talk about that, and how they sort of have this obsessive compulsion to spy on their husbands, you know, and look into their, who they're communicating with and what they're doing.

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Sometimes it's because those sisters are really have a lot of free time on their hands, you know, they've got a lot of idle time, and then not busying themselves with something. as Muslims, we should be so busy doing good things, doing beneficial things and good pursuits. You know, we don't have much time on this earth. We should be so busy doing those sorts of things. We don't have time for petty little squabbles, we don't have time to look into other people's faults, right?

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so busy yourself with beneficial and healthy pursuits and build some meaning into your own life. Right so that you're not obsessing over other people's lives.

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And the third point that I would make is that

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Negative thoughts become a habit.

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And you've got to be really careful. There's a

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think he's a psychiatrist, okay, or he's a neuro, a brain doctor, right? neuro neurosurgeon, a brain doctor. And I forgotten the exact name of his job title, but his name is

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Dr. Daniel, amen. Dr. Daniel, amen.

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You could look him up on YouTube. And he, he's got a number of books about brain health, you know how to keep your brain and your mental health healthy. And he has this phrase called ant, he says, you know, you need to get rid of ants. And the ant basically stands for automatic negative thoughts, automatic negative thoughts. And he basically says that, you know,

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negative thoughts, they do keep coming into our heads. And obviously, as Muslims, we know that there's shavon, also, putting negative thoughts in our heads, right, is whispering to us to encourage us to think, wrong of other people to think negatively of other people.

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And one of the things that happens is, if you don't get good at recognizing that you've got those automatic negative thoughts that just keep wandering in,

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and you don't keep batting them away, they become a habit. And they dwell in your mind, and you dwell on it, and then that affects your emotions affects the way you behave all of that, right.

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So it's really important whenever a negative thought or negative suspicion about somebody enters your head, whenever you start second guessing and trying to and thinking negative of somebody's intentions, for example, right? Somebody could have said something really innocent to you. And suddenly you're like, what do they mean by that? They must mean x, y, Zed, right? negative thing, that person looked at me in a negative way, right? You know, all those kinds of things, you've got to be become good at recognizing that that thought came into your head, and you've got to get good at batting it away, and realizing, oh, that's not real. That's just something that just came into my

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head. And one of my teachers, I remember when he was talking about diseases of the heart. And so oven in particular, which is negative thoughts about anything, right, people can have sort of been, which means evil suspicion, or evil thoughts about Allah, you know,

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thinking, Oh, Allah wants bad for me, or Allah will never forgive me, those kinds of things, there's also a type of suit oven.

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And people have sort of gone about other people, anything anyone does, they think, oh, must be disliked me, it must be against me, it must be something, you know, they interpret it in the most negative way, that becomes then a disease of the heart. Because, you know, it can dwell in your heart, it creates negativity and hatred and suspicion, and all of those kinds of things. And the way to combat it,

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is actually to see those types of suspicious thoughts as like a seed being planted, right? If you think about it, when you just put a seed into the ground, it's not going to grow immediately, right? If a person wanted, they could just take the seed and just throw it away, and then it wouldn't grow. But if a person once the seed has gone, gone onto the ground,

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pushes it in waters, it feeds, it, allows it to have lightened, you know, water and blah, blah, blah, and good soil, etc, what's going to happen,

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that seeds will start to grow, there will be roots, and the roots will get deeper, and then the actual plant itself will get bigger, right? and bigger and bigger. But how could that person stop that seed from growing, just throw it out? Right from the beginning, right? Similarly, when we have suspicious and negative thoughts about other people,

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or about situations, we should do the same. You know, as soon as that fork comes in, you think of it like a seed and you throw it out.

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We don't do the opposite, which is what tends to happen and that is that we think about it even more. We try to think of what evidence to support that negative thought right? So that's that's like watering it isn't it? That's like pushing it into the ground and watering it. That's not what we should do. Because the more you think about it, the more you dwell on it more you talk about it to other people, you know

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look for evidence and look for things that prove that this thing that you're believing is true, the more it's going to seem true, and the deeper the roots will become, and the deep and the, the bigger the plant will grow.

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And then that, that little negative four becomes something huge.

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And something you can't just get rid of, it can become an obsession, right?

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So that's the way to deal with so then is just throw it out, think of it like a seed, and you don't want to water it, you don't want to make conditions conducive to growing.

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The next tip is, if someone is having a private conversation, for example, move away, you've got to force yourself, you know, if you find yourself often listening into other people's, just just make yourself what you forced yourself to move away from that place physically,

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you know, we should flee from sin. And in this case, literally move away physically.

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If somebody sends you somebody private emails, or private messages, screenshots, you know, this is I was talking about this last time, right? But there's this phenomenon of, even amongst diaries, sadly, where they'll be having a private conversation with a chef or with somebody, and they'll talk about some private dinner, they'll be having a private discussion about some scholarly issue or some, you know, issue related to any aspect of Islam. And just because one group of them disagree with the views of another group, or another one of them, they will take screenshots of those private conversations and then publicize those. That's completely wrong.

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You know, and I've seen people do this, not just in one or two cases, it's just, it's become normal, almost, you know, you almost have to be just definitely careful about

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anything you ever typed to anyone could be screenshot and put in the public domain. That's how bad things have got, right? Subhan Allah.

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So if somebody sends you a message, and says, you know, there's this business person, and, you know, I've got some terrible information about them, and look what they're doing, and look what's going on, and blah, blah, blah, there are proper channels, like, especially if they're flagging up something that's a crime, or they're flagging up something that that needs to be dealt with, right? There are proper channels for them to do that. Right. But merely spreading information, in order to hurt somebody's reputation, or spreading private messages to other people. That is not the way to deal with such things, right? So we've got to be careful not to read those types of messages. Unless

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we are in a position of authority, or in a position where we have to deal with those things, right. So say you're the head of an organization or, you know, you're, I don't know, a teacher or something like that, you know, you've got a position where or even even in the home, if you're responsible for your kids, for example. And then you need to read something private that somebody has written in order to, because it's your responsibility to safeguard or to deal with that issue. And that's a different matter, right? But I'm talking about this casual type of, you know, look what she sent me and look what she said to me, and look what he said to me know, that stuff we need to be very

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careful about. So I hope that's, that's helpful. You know, these are some of the things that I've always found helpful and that other scholars and books that I've read have recommended. Okay, the next major sin that we're going to cover is a no, ma'am, which is a person who carries tails. Right? And you know, this shut down, shut down these letters. Yeah, whenever you see Shut up, it's usually to do with emphasis, you know,

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it's a type of emphasis that somebody who does a lot, you know, who carries tails from one person to another to another?

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What does that mean? What does carrying tails mean? Well, there are certain Sins of the tongue.

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And they are all kind of related. So I'm going to mention all of them in this chapter. In this area. One of them is LIBOR, right? Which is obviously backbiting which is speaking about a Muslim

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in his or her absence,

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and saying things that they wouldn't like to have

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spread around mentioned

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and that doesn't it doesn't matter if those things are true or not. Right? Even if it's something true, saying something about a fellow Muslim, in the absence, they're not there, they're not listening and even not listening to it. And they would not like

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to have spread around or mentioned.

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And but done is basically slander, which is that you're doing,

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saying things about Muslims that are just not true. So lying, saying something about a Muslim that is just not true.

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something negative, or something they wouldn't like?

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That is slander, right?

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And now Mima another have a sense of the tongue is like Riba but it's almost like

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compounded

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compounded LIBOR

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basically it means you go to somebody and you say to them so and so said this about you something negative, right? Did you know so and so said x about you.

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So what you're doing is you're and you could be lying we could be telling the truth.

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So maybe you've been somewhere and somebody said something negative about somebody and you take that information so that LIBOR you take that and now you go to the person who that person said something negative about and you say you know, that person was talking about you and they said you're a loser they said you're This is whatever it is right? They said this and that negative thing about you

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and even implying it so for example, you could

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you could do liba without speaking right.

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Once a mother I shall rely on her you know, one of the heaviest she mentions or it's mentioned that she

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you know, in the kind of sometimes there was some kind of jealousy etc between her and the otherwise and

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one day she alluded to one of the wives and she made a little shadow like this right?

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implying that she's short okay. And even just that a Shara, the prophets, Allah Sallam said it was enough to discolor the sea, you know?

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Meaning that, that is a type of you, but as well, it doesn't have to be literally something you say. Right? So you could even with a NEMA, you could say to somebody, or you know,

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just imply to them that somebody has an ill thought about them, imply to them that somebody said something bad or feel something bad about them. That's the Mima.

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And Subhanallah is actually common amongst sisters. I don't know about brothers, I don't really hang out with brothers. But amongst sisters, I definitely have noticed that.

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You know, it can be quite common.

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So we need to become really careful with this stuff. Yeah. Because this is the stuff that breeds hatred, enmity, this unity amongst the Muslims, you know, some of the biggest wars that have ever been waged, especially even in Islamic history, right?

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Where do you test people spreading? misinformation? lying, rumors, rumor mongering, right?

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So we need to root this out. And Allah says in the Quran,

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and I think this was about

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the name of the

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of one of the Quraysh.

00:34:06--> 00:34:29

The name will come to me in Sharla. But it was about one of the leading leading members of Quraysh losses will add to the akula laugh in my hand, hammers in Masha in Benin, and do not obey every worthless habitual swear swear, it's where a lot of Olds right back biter going about with malicious gossip,

00:34:30--> 00:34:39

right. So this person, they were known, they were back biter. Her magazine, and then my sharing been a meme going around

00:34:41--> 00:34:48

with anonima, right? She is gossip. Yeah, I wanted to read this story to you. So interesting.

00:34:49--> 00:34:59

So you might be in a buyer, and I've got the translation here, but with the translation and Arabic. Obviously for the purposes of this class, I'm going to read it in English.

00:35:00--> 00:35:11

English, he talks about an incident in his times, you know, I believe, or a story from his times that shows you the evil of,

00:35:12--> 00:35:22

you know, nema panela. And so it might not be he lived in like the 13th century, right 13th century, few 100 years ago.

00:35:24--> 00:35:35

So obviously, way before the types of technologies we have, but it's so interesting to read the incident that he talks about, he says it is related,

00:35:36--> 00:35:40

that a man saw a boy being sold.

00:35:41--> 00:35:44

Oh, so this must have been, you know, slave.

00:35:45--> 00:35:51

and was told that he had no fault that this slave had no, the slave boy had no fault.

00:35:52--> 00:35:59

Other than tail bearing, okay. Other than being somebody who's basically spreads gossip.

00:36:01--> 00:36:03

He thought that unimportant.

00:36:05--> 00:36:58

So this man, he thought, as well, everything else is good about this little slave doesn't matter. You know about the fact that he is a tale bearer after some date, so he bought the slave boy, after being with him some days, the boy said to the wife, of his master, my master wants to marry another wife, as well as you, or divorce you. He does not love you. If you want him to be kind to you, and abandon what he has resolved to do. When he sleeps, you should take a razor, a knife, maybe, or you should take a razor and cut some hairs from his beard and give them to me. The woman's heart was filled with anxiety. And she said to herself, yes, I will do that. So because you know, the little

00:36:58--> 00:37:28

slave boy, he's obviously around the master when the wife is not there. Right? He's telling her or he's acting like, Well, I know things about the master that you don't know. And so he's telling her that you know, she doesn't love you. He basically wants to marry somebody else. And if you want him to be kind to you and abandon what he has resolved to do, then take some hit hairs from his beard and give them to me. Okay, apparently he asked him this.

00:37:29--> 00:37:32

Then the boy went to the husband and said, My master,

00:37:33--> 00:37:40

my mistress, your wife, has taken a lover other than you and has fallen in love with him and wants to be free of you.

00:37:41--> 00:37:44

She has resolved to murder you tonight.

00:37:45--> 00:37:54

If you do not believe me, then pretend to be asleep in the night. And see if she comes to you with something in her hand, intending to cut your throat with it.

00:37:55--> 00:37:57

His master believed him.

00:37:58--> 00:38:04

In the night the woman came with the razor to shave the hairs from under his beard.

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The man was pretending to sleep and said to himself by Allah, the slave was telling the truth. So the man senses that the wave is coming towards him with a knife, or with a blade, and he's like, the slave was telling the truth.

00:38:22--> 00:38:53

When the woman lowered the razor towards his throat, he seized it from her and killed her with it. Her family came and saw that she had been murdered and so they killed him. In this way, a destructive blood feud was brought about between the two families because of the malevolent mischief of that ill fated lab. That is why Allah called tail bearers, the tail bearer a deviator. In his words,

00:38:54--> 00:39:00

yeah, you Hello, Xena, Armando in India. confesseth. Home be number in perturbation.

00:39:01--> 00:39:03

Oh, you believe if a sinful person

00:39:05--> 00:39:35

comes to you with a report, then verify its correctness. Lest you should harm a people out of ignorance and then become remorseful about what you did. Pamela? I don't know if this story is something that happened at the time of Obama that had been well he's just narrating a story you know, about something he heard that had happened. But you can see that the story really illustrates doesn't it how

00:39:38--> 00:39:43

tail bearing can cause all sorts of problems. And a person who has that habit

00:39:45--> 00:39:49

is not somebody who you should be wanting to be your friend. You know.

00:39:51--> 00:39:53

We know that Bula hubbs wife,

00:39:54--> 00:39:59

Abu lahab, the prophets uncle, his wife in the Quran, she was called to hammer Let's all help up right?

00:40:00--> 00:40:02

The carrier or firewood

00:40:04--> 00:40:18

Fiji they have long been my set right they round her neck is going to be a rope of palm fiber. So a lot handler said that she would be punished and one of her characteristics was hammer left on

00:40:19--> 00:40:36

the carrier or filed. And this was basically because her one of her characteristics was tail bearing being a person who committed now Mima right. Now me my the sin of monogamy my that we're talking about.

00:40:37--> 00:40:41

And the reason why it's described as firewood.

00:40:42--> 00:40:45

hubbub is because

00:40:46--> 00:40:49

when a person carries stories from one person to another,

00:40:51--> 00:40:56

it ignites enemy enmity, right ignites enmity between people's hearts.

00:40:57--> 00:41:05

And it's a bit like firewood that is used to kindle a fire. In in one of the comments I read,

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the action of a tale bearer is worse than share bomb.

00:41:12--> 00:41:58

Because shaytaan he spreads things through whispering, silently, you know, quietly, while the tail bearer does it face to face, right? The tail bear is much more blatant, they just go up to people to tell him so and so said this about you? Well, this is being said about you, etc, etc, right? And cause enmity and hatred between people stir between people, and hasn't actually said something that I think is a good rule of thumb. If anyone tells you a story about somebody else, you should know that he will also tell a story about you to somebody else. Right? Whoever transmits to you,

00:41:59--> 00:42:02

transmits from you. So be wet.

00:42:04--> 00:42:12

And that's something you should realize, right? Somebody back bites in front of you. Or if somebody commits in me my in front of you.

00:42:14--> 00:42:35

100%, then they'll be willing to do that to you. Why not? And so you want to be careful, making friends with such people, right? At least call it out. And perhaps that person will change their ways. But if you can see that it's a habit of that person, or it's just normal for them. And you need to be really careful.

00:42:37--> 00:42:47

Because that person will probably do the same to you. This is another one of the Hadees that show how NEMA is a major sin, right?

00:42:48--> 00:43:03

It'd be my boss narrates the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam passed by two graves. Yeah, the famous Hadith. That usually we mentioned when we're talking about being careful when it comes to urine, right. And being pure from urine.

00:43:05--> 00:43:38

He passed by two grades and said they are being punished people, the inhabitants of those grades are being punished. But they're not being punished for something that was difficult to avoid. One of them used to walk about spreading lemma, malicious gossip and the other use not to take care to avoid getting urine on themselves. Right. So again, they've been punished in the grave for lemma. So how do you fix it? You know, if you

00:43:39--> 00:43:47

commit and an EMR or liba? Yeah, both sins? How do you fix them?

00:43:49--> 00:43:51

Even taymiyah hemella talks about

00:43:54--> 00:44:05

how can you write a wrong that you've done towards somebody else, right? And he says, and I've kept I've kept the whole quote here, I know it's a lot of text, but so that you will, you know,

00:44:07--> 00:44:09

be able to follow it and you'll have it

00:44:10--> 00:44:20

asked for the rights of the one who was wronged. They are not waived just because one repents. So just because you repent doesn't mean now it's wiped off.

00:44:22--> 00:44:44

Especially if you wronged somebody else, right? If that sin involved you wronging someone else. It's not just waived because you repent. This is a right and there is no difference in this between a killer and other wrongdoers. So whether like if if somebody kills somebody, we know that there needs to be some compensation or write something

00:44:45--> 00:44:50

in return, right? It's not enough just to for the person to repent, right.

00:44:51--> 00:44:59

If a person repents from wrongdoing, the rights of the one whom he wronged are not waived because of his repentance.

00:45:00--> 00:45:10

Rather, it is part of his repentance to compensate him to a level commensurate with his wrongdoing. Right?

00:45:11--> 00:45:44

If he does not compensate him in this world, then he will inevitably compensate him in the hereafter. So the wrongdoer who has repented should do a lot of good deeds. So that when those who have been wronged claim their rights, he will not end up bankrupt. And if Allah wants to compensate the one who has who was wronged, then no one can prevent his bounty, such as if he wants to forgive sins, less than shirk, for whomever He wills.

00:45:46--> 00:45:48

Okay? So

00:45:49--> 00:46:03

in other words, he's saying that it's not enough just to repent, if you've taken away the right of somebody or wronged somebody, right? You need them to also forgive you, okay. And

00:46:05--> 00:46:14

you do that, or you need to compensate that person, you need to compensate that person in some way. And if you don't, then

00:46:16--> 00:46:25

in the Hereafter, you will have to pay that compensation through deeds, which is worse, right, which is going to be worse and more difficult to bear.

00:46:27--> 00:46:34

And, of course, when a person runs out of good deeds, that they're basically paying to the people who are who've come to

00:46:35--> 00:46:37

claim their rights,

00:46:38--> 00:46:50

then what ends up happening is that then that person attracts the bad deeds of the people who he asked to compensate. And so even a person who had so many good deeds,

00:46:51--> 00:47:03

and Muslim had so many good deeds could end up losing all of his good deeds, because of all the evil and negative things that they've done to other people. And they've all come to claim their rights on the Day of Judgment.

00:47:04--> 00:47:14

And then that person could attract more and more sin until they become a person who has to basically do their time in hellfire. sapan Allah

00:47:16--> 00:47:19

Subhana Allah, Allah protect us.

00:47:20--> 00:47:27

He says, you know, when Allah says in the Quran, Allah after Babu compatible, do not backed by one another.

00:47:30--> 00:47:49

He says, of course, this is a transgression against people's honor. Right? And then Allah says, your head boy, I had to comb and yet coolala Murphy, he made some for character who would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead? Brother? You would hate it in explaining this in time, he says. So

00:47:50--> 00:48:08

he told them to repent from gossip, because it is a kind of wrongdoing. Sorry, this applies if the one who was wrong found out about the gossip, right? So if, if the person who was back bitten finds out that somebody back bit them,

00:48:10--> 00:48:17

then that person should repent, right? And if that person found out, then you know, he would probably apologize and

00:48:18--> 00:48:44

you know, deal with it. But if he gossiped about him, or slandered him, and he did not know about it, if you gossip about somebody or slander them, and they don't know about it, then the scholars have different opinions regarding how to deal with this, right? One of the conditions of repentance, some of the scholars said was to tell that person tell that person and I back bit you

00:48:45--> 00:48:48

and apologize to them, seek their forgiveness.

00:48:49--> 00:48:52

But even taymiyah says that.

00:48:54--> 00:48:57

The other opinion is that it's not essential to tell that person

00:48:59--> 00:49:07

and he says that's the view of the majority and he's probably talking about the majority of his scholars meaning the hanbali scholars, right?

00:49:08--> 00:49:12

And he's saying both views will aerated from a hammer the mama hammer in Hamburg.

00:49:15--> 00:49:32

So there's a difference of opinion. Either they say you have to tell that person, right? or others gonna say no, you don't have to tell that person. In fact, they would say it's that it would actually cause more fitna if you told that person right cause more ill will and negativity and hard feelings.

00:49:35--> 00:49:41

But instead, that you should do lots of good things for the person who you wronged

00:49:42--> 00:49:54

such as making the offer them, praying for forgiveness for them, doing good deeds and giving them the reward for that. So doing giving sadaqa and asking Allah to give the reward to that person.

00:49:56--> 00:49:59

So as to make up for the gossiping about him or her

00:50:00--> 00:50:10

And slandering him on. And then he quotes hasn't adversity said that expiation for gossip is praying for forgiveness for the one about whom you gossiped?

00:50:12--> 00:50:17

The expiation for gossip is praying for forgiveness for the one about whom you got it.

00:50:18--> 00:50:22

So I think it's something that a person has to judge, you know,

00:50:25--> 00:50:26

the person has to judge

00:50:28--> 00:50:29

if I tell the person

00:50:30--> 00:50:32

isn't that going to cause more ill will?

00:50:35--> 00:50:53

And if you think it probably will, there's no need to increase the ill will, right. You've already caused harm, you've already done something negative. So now just focus on doing good things for that person, make do offer that person praise that person in front of other people,

00:50:55--> 00:51:02

etc, cetera right. So and ask Allah to forgive that person. I'm just going to quickly look at the chat and our time is up, but

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I'm delighted.

00:51:06--> 00:51:09

I'm glad some sisters from yesterday giant

00:51:11--> 00:51:19

doctor, the doctor's name. Yeah. So the name of the author was Dr. I think, Daniel, amen. Yeah. Dr. Daniel, amen.

00:51:20--> 00:51:30

Amen. Sister, she says, If you backed by somebody talk good about them not just talking about make the offer them. Ask a lot of forgive them.

00:51:31--> 00:52:08

Right? Because that's, in a way that's a type of healing as well, isn't it for the heart? Yeah. When when you think ill of somebody and you speak ill of someone, it's like you, you have a black spot on your heart, you know, you've you've done something you've poisoned? This is a poison, isn't it? But when you make Doha for someone, there's no way for you to make blood for someone without being sincere. Right? Because they're not there. So there's no benefit. Is that like, you can't be showing off? You have to say it with sincerity, right? So it's a type of healing, I would say, for that negative.

00:52:09--> 00:52:12

For the negative effect of the back biting, right?

00:52:14--> 00:52:15

What would you say?

00:52:16--> 00:52:29

are good ways of dealing with toxic people who are harmful towards you? Sometimes, it can be easy to rant about them instead, especially if it's someone you can't avoid and live with.

00:52:32--> 00:52:32

Look,

00:52:36--> 00:52:43

look, there's, there are ways of talking about an issue without naming people. If that's possible, you know,

00:52:44--> 00:52:46

that could be something

00:52:47--> 00:53:10

you know, that a person that might help a person, if they're trying to work through a problem, for example, you don't have to expose who the person is you're talking about. And you don't have to even say that it's you. Somebody, you know, can say, there's a sister, who has a husband, oh, there's a sister who thinks this, you know, like, you know, you can find ways of talking about it without

00:53:11--> 00:53:14

being specific. Right?

00:53:16--> 00:53:19

Um, but just this kind of idea of venting?

00:53:21--> 00:53:27

No, you know, you don't have a human right to vent. You know, if you want to vent vent to Allah.

00:53:29--> 00:53:33

You know, if you want to complain about somebody, complain to Allah.

00:53:35--> 00:53:35

But don't

00:53:37--> 00:53:45

go talking about people, especially not by name, especially not, you know, exposing their identity.

00:53:48--> 00:54:12

But of course, there are situations where where backbiting is allowed. Shall I will highlight them next time? Yeah, so the way to deal with toxic people, that's quite a general term. So it's hard to know. What you mean by that, you know, to people, you don't get on with people who cause you harm people who backbite Maybe, yeah, people who do these types of people causing behaviors.

00:54:13--> 00:54:35

There's no harm in having a bit of distance from them. You know, just keep up here, the basic rights, saying Salaam to people, etc. Don't do anything to harm them. But there's no like obligation for you to be extremely close to such a person. You know,

00:54:36--> 00:54:40

there might be a need to set some healthy

00:54:41--> 00:54:56

boundaries, you know, but I think the the question is too general. So I don't want to give too much of a general answer. I think it's something you have to depends on the situation, right? What if it's your parents, you're not going to distance yourself from them, right?

00:54:58--> 00:54:59

Well, depends on the situation. So

00:55:00--> 00:55:08

In Sharla, if you give me a more specific situation, maybe we can talk about that next time. But does that allow her ancestors I hope that was beneficial.

00:55:09--> 00:55:24

Next time we're going to be looking at the sin of we're going to continue this one Mima but also the sin of cursing, right? cursing meaning Latin sending Latin on

00:55:25--> 00:55:26

on people

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and then we have some we're going to carry on with it I will come by so insha Allah See you next time just like Mila Heron

00:55:37--> 00:55:58

and with that I will leave you subhanak Allah home I'll be handing a shadow Allah Allah Atlanta star Furukawa to be like detail are the sisters about this class because I think it's one of those classes you can actually start even now you know, even though we're like in the middle and people can always catch up on past

00:55:59--> 00:56:04

episodes on Ullman ours YouTube channel or my own YouTube channel where

00:56:05--> 00:56:08

the videos are uploaded every week.

00:56:09--> 00:56:24

But do encourage sisters you know, even if they weren't with us from the beginning to start now. And to join us next week share the link because the link is the same every week. And I'll see you next time in Sharla hamdulillah because I like her and sister, sisters family