76 – Love in the home

Faaik Gamieldien

Channel: Faaik Gamieldien

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Episode Transcript

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Rila

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Monastery in

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LA when I was with him in Cerulean fusina

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Molina, Mayor de la forma de la la, la la, la la,

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la la la la la la la sharika wanna shadow Mohammed and RBD who are a pseudo salvaterra he was Allahu alayhi wa ala early was having common diary that he didn't abide will have brothers and sisters in Islam as salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. Allows mahalo tala speaks to us in the Holy Quran Allah says.

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Well, I mean, it and Haleakala common and physical massage and Lita schooner, LA, wa Jalla, Bina como de tanwar efma in Nafisa,

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Nicole Miyata for karoun sakalava Holly,

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I think only from it's necessary from time to time to speak about the subject of marriage.

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Because I think we all need to be reminded

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of

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the manner in which we should conduct ourselves as husbands and wives.

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And of course, I first speak to myself being a husband,

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and to my wife, also,

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also some advice for both those who've been married for many, many years, and also those who are not yet married.

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And I like many of the alama at the forefront

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of dealing with issues that arise within marriages.

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And you and I know that this has become very common nowadays. We live in a world where it has become so easy for people to separate and to get divorced.

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And despite the fact that there are so many marriage classes that is going on today, people think that marriage classes is the solution and the medicine for saving a marriage. It is not

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the solution to a marriage. For a long lasting marriage starts from the day that you're born. It doesn't start the day when you attend the class and marriage starts in your home. It starts in the example that your parents had set for you and their parents before them.

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And it starts in the Quran and Sunnah Mohamed Salah.

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Today, you quote, people come and see you, you speak to people and you quote an ayah. And they say, Well, no, we know the verse we know the I know, but I've got a unique problem.

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I respect the verse and I know what the verses and I've read the verse because people now when they come and talk to you, they come prepared. They know they'll read if you are Hardy, they read four out of the Koran. And of course it is all a question of Sharia. While they were living for 10 years or 15 years, Sherry I didn't matter. But when it comes to problems in the marriage, both husband and wife suddenly pull out the Sharia card. Yes, sir. Isn't that Sharia? What is the Sharia say? What is the Sharia say? Meanwhile, their life was not in accordance with Sharia.

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So

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many times is they say but you know, we know the verse of the Quran. And I always say to them, yes, the verse may be a very simple verse. It may be very theoretical, but in the simplicity of the Quran lies the solution of very complex problems. The Koran talks in very simple terms, so that we everybody can understand what the Quran is trying to give us.

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And remember, this illusion doesn't lie with your mother and your father. Sometimes they give us the worst advice because they love us too much.

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The problem the solution always lies in how we look at the Quran and how we look at the Sunnah Mohamed Salah Salah.

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Now many people come to me say chef, you know, I'm just getting married, I need to get married, you know,

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my hormones are running wild, I need to have a wife, service and so on. And people think that

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getting married is the solution to their problems. Many people think you have to get married. Yeah, now we'll start making Salah. I'm going to become a very great spiritual person. And all these things are going to happen. I then those of us who are married, you know, we think what are these people talking about?

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And this is because of the modern idea of marriage. We have an idea of marriage. The idea of marriage that we get comes from, of course the television, the magazines, the books the way we see people live their lives, their married lives, and today, some

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As a very little distinction between the married life of a Muslim and non Muslim, they dress the same.

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Except for halau, maybe you know, the house looks the same, you come into a home today, of a young married couple, there's no sign of Islam.

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Before there was a rock on the wall, or something that will tell you, you know, this is a Muslim home. And the parents also don't say anything. You must have some indication why. Because we live in a non Muslim country, we need to be reminded, and people who come and visit us must be reminded that this is a Muslim home they commit. So the modern image of marriage is what is a continuation of dating people think, Well, you know, I used to date and I'm married and adjust the continuation.

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And that is the fallacy we live under. That is the fallacy that young people today live under. They think what is before marriage will continue during the marriage. It's a completely different book.

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It's a completely different as it's a kettle of fish. Now in marriage, or both to be paid

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is a garden to be watered, there was to be painted.

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There is living with another completely strange person in the same space. There are problems with a tower seeing the tower like that, you hang the tower like that you put your toothbrush like that. She was a toothbrush like this, raise, you know, the sheep with too much salt because your mother put a lot of salt. She puts too much salt in the food. But initially you're in love with her and you know, it's all

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lovey dovey. So you say, Well, you know, it's okay, you know, we let it go. But then 10 years later, the issue of the salt and the toothbrush in the towel still comes up. And you realize that that's not a thing. But why do we look at it as dating because we think well, we can just change. Like, you know, you date somebody and then you just change you change the boy you change the girl say, Well, I can't stand the smell anymore. And I don't like your habits. So I'm just going to move on.

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And we feel sometimes that

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marriage is the same and sometimes parents support this kind of view. Parents strengthen this. Don't worry my child if anything goes wrong, you can just go home I'm keeping your room for you. You know, anything goes Don't worry, stuck through that is the worst kind of thing we can do to our children.

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And the Quran.

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The Divine creator created us created our emotions created apart as far as

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users marriage in very strong users very strong terms. When he talks about the institution of marriage. When allows one that talks about the institution of marriage, he uses a specific word

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most Amina radiosurgery, Allah uses the word Moxie mean.

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What is the hustle? The hustle is like a castle.

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It's like an armory place where an army

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is inside and it's protected right around a loss on the skies marriage as a man providing for his wife and children is an a castle, a protected castle where he the husband protects his wife and his children from the dangers that look outside the cost.

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So it is important for us then, not Mousavi nurses, Raina Mousavi, what is Mousavi? Mousavi massage means people who marry only for one reason and that to satisfy the last.

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Los Angeles says no. And that is why many marriages go wrong. The intention of marriage is to create a family unit

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in order to please Allah subhanho wa Taala number one and number two, to start a good Muslim family who will make the contribution to the world.

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And today parents don't give that advice to the children. They don't tell their children that marriage is not about getting married marriage is about having a family.

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No, but when can you just let Mr. Victor tinea they must first work for this and for that and for that which never happens

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after five years, so where they are in the starting blocks, because they spent all the money eating years going they're going for holidays doing this doing that.

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No children. That's the last thing that young people think about it.

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That is what marriage is about marriage. So Sam said I want to appear on the Def Jam was my own my as the biggest, the largest.

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And one of the things that we always think about and always talk about is our rights. The woman will talk about her rights and the husband will talk about him

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writes and what is a happy marriage? a happy marriage is where the wife thinks only about obligations, and the husband only thinks about his obligations.

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Why? Why will that be a happy marriage? Because, if we expect things from other people expect my wife to do when I get married she must cook for me She must do this you must do that you must do that you must do that. And if I can marry my husband was buy me a house was bagnato has given me an allowance to this, I would love like a madam like a queen, so forth and so on all expectations, and 99% of the time, nobody can meet our expectations.

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No matter how much your wife or husband earns, you will never be able to meet the expectations of your wife. Why because nobody has defined the word enough

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there is no definition in any dictionary will say enough means

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nothing is ever enough. You know that?

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And the worst is your children over them nothing is enough. No matter what you give them.

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And at the end of the day, they will tell you

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but you have to give it to me as your child what's your obligation right.

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So the

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the successful marriage is a marriage where both parties look at the obligations. What can I do for my husband? That will improve his self esteem? What can I do for my wife? Have I given enough chocolates for the year enough? Close enough flowers have I smiled enough Have I done enough? Not what can she do for me?

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And what can I do for because a Muslim a true Muslim only expects things from allows for handle time

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and he knows that the only one who don't disappoint him is allows for handle time. So we learn from disappointment the disappointment may proconnect cookies can edema kissy Canada mommy and we forget about I mean, what is a quote? People quote things from the Quran you know the woman will say original.

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Allows father says original kawaman Allah Nisa, the man will say you know Allah says in the Quran that husband has got a man has got a status above the woman. The parent will quote the verse of the Quran No, no verities, but they're caught

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what Bill Wally Dania son and be kind to your parents, nothing is wrong. But it comes easy the obligation to the child Charles was reminded of his obligation towards the parent. And the wife will always say

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that we have equal rights allow songs given given us equal rights in the Quran. So it's all about rights and obligations. And of course, when they pay in front of the car, do the Imam or the alum of the murderer. Now as a social worker, it's all about what are my rights.

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And when we read also, when we go on the internet, the asmin will read about these right? You will never read about the rights of his wife, the wife of God, the Indian need about her right to say she brings a printout to me and say, Look, I've read you know this, all the rights of my rights earlier. In fact, it should be the other way around. The wife should read the rights of the husband and the husband should read the rights of the wife allows Muhammad Allah when he speaks in the Holy Quran, Allah, Allah says, you know, it's also important, yeah, very simple things that has to be done. I mean, today, you know, before you get married to her, she looks like

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some Hollywood star.

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And the day you get married to and vice versa, of course, as he goes on to work,

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he sees all these ladies shamelessly dressed in the seat at the station, they all smile at him because, you know, women are looked down upon the intelligence of a woman and jaysus herself, because she thinks that will enhance his status in society. He goes to the office and he meets all his colleagues and they will smile with him and and how you can make your coffee or tea or whatever. And then he comes home.

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And he comes home and he opens the door and he says, We will you

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missed the train. I missed the train every day, you know, every day you missed the train, you know, and 10 years later is still missing the train.

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And you asked the question, but why? Why?

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Lebanese asylum is given an answer for that.

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Because

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husbands and wives don't smile with each other.

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The thing that will stab in a white husband, when he comes home is when you as a wife. When he opens the door, there's a smile on your face now opens the door and are you dressed

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in a black cloak.

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He comes home and he's white.

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stands in front of him on a SWAT cloak. She said she put it on

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and she's not smiling face. So what happens? He goes in he eats and he

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pushes the plate away because there's a camera straight that I mean he comes home and he's got he's in a mood with a children. She wants to speak to me Don't talk to him reading the newspaper or watching TV Just leave me alone. I had a bad day today. Why because the beginning is like in the morning. I mean as we try to kiss each other, to smile with one another, praise one another. And when the husband comes home, he wants to see somebody that he wants to look at. He wants to see somebody that attracts him. That is the reason why wives at home to be attractive to their to their husbands.

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And allows Muhammad Allah when he talks about love in the Quran, he uses a specific word my word.

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What Jalla been acoem now what Allah doesn't say put love, he says he puts him in a coma what is Nevada mala? What is passionate love, not just love.

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Because you love your mother, you love your father, you love your daughters, you love your brothers, you love friends, but your love, love between husband and wife is a special car. It is not just love. It includes passion.

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And passion means

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looking at your obligations to your partner.

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And then allows Wagner says allies places passionate love and allows founders placed mercy.

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And Mercy is where the later part of life man came to say normally will hottub and sit down to divorce my wife so I must say to him, why is it because I don't love anymore? Um, I said Why? She said, Well, you know,

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that idea that I had of her you know, before I got married, and now with the way she looks now is totally different. So I must say, but what about the fact she's not just looking after your challenge for your children and she looked after your house he could for you, you should at least have some courtesy, some respects or mercy.

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So

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Omar,

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sent him home and said he should reconsider himself. And today we find that

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men are very difficult creatures to live with.

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Men are easy to live with. I know man, I know. I'm not easy mentally.

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And so you have these you think you may be lazy mentally, but you're not. And your wife has to put up with that for 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, sometimes 40 years, we see until death was part.

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So, I husband has to realize I always say this when I gave little talks about knives, I say you know, we give the wrong messages to the wrong people

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will always tell the wife that the mother and father will say to their daughter, Mackenzie.

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Mackenzie,

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Mackenzie, any nation may can add our amazement, mahana logical all this, you know, I will give any other message. Anything he says to you, you raise his voice. Come on.

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It's amazing, some parents.

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And it's important

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that parents and elders

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do. I think many marriages would still be running today would still be some people. So be together today, if they got the correct advice from the elders, for whom they went for guidance.

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And I want to give you an example

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from the life of the daughter of the Navy, so allow yourself

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and how can I be sallallahu wasallam dealt with the problems of his daughter.

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This happened before the time of Islam, before the time of Islam that Islam was living in Makkah was living with his wife Khadija and his children and one of his daughters, damos Xena.

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Xena men

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are Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam. And one day,

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a man by the name of

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a bolus. Indira BIA, was a bolus emira via ambulance in Arabia was the son

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Have the sister of say that to nurse alija Rob de la talana

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who would be the cousin of Xena, the daughter of Mohamed Salah Larsson.

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And the Navis. Hassan loved him very much as his as his nephew, as his wife's nephew, and he loves the Navy salsa.

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And one day he came to the house of the Navy SEALs and he said to Navy salasar was before then it became a prophet. He said, I would like to marry him.

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So the Navy salatu salam said to him, law had

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just

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said, I cannot give you an answer until I've consulted with a new

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solo lawyer. Some

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say he went to sign up. And I want you to look at the ad dub dub. He went to sign up and he said, to sign up

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in the imnaha, lotic

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journey, he said

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the son of your auntie

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came to me

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visited me Look at the camera is MK any mentioned your name?

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When he mentioned your name, falter Deena zodion lucky. Would you be happy if he would become your husband? Would you be happy if you become your husband? What What did she do?

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First Nora wacha.

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She turned blood rate in her face. And she smiled insane.

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Because then I took that as the answer. She smiled and she turned red to shine as for a father sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

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They managed to place he married, she married him. And they were very much in love. he respected their loved he loved him. Two children were born from this relationship. One was the gun, Mama. And the other was a boy named daddy

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lovely marriage

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until something happened.

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He was a merchant.

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And he had left for a long trade journey.

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And when he came back and he reached the gates of Medina, they told him that your wife who was named Xena had accepted Islam.

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So he went home.

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And he said to her,

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I believe that you have become a Muslim if you fail, he said, she said yes.

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He said,

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Why did you not consult me?

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Why you first consult me?

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She said, but with a smile. She said, but you're away. And I cannot reject my father. And I know my father would never tell a lie. So I thought you'd be happy if I become Muslim.

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And he said, she said to me, my father is known as surgical. I mean, I mean, the most trustworthy.

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And

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she said to him, you know, trying to get into his mind, he said to him, you know, my mother accepted Islam.

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Ali, my cousin accepted Islam. your your your cousin automatically accepted Islam. Your best friend abubaker accepted Islam.

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And he looked at her and he said, and Allah, I know. I will not accept Islam, I will not become a Muslim.

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What What is the reason he gave, he said, I don't want the people to say, hola como, that he has abandoned his

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code, his people, his tribe.

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And I have to suffer a bit by and I have left my religion of my forefathers, Illa and lizards to please my wife, I am not going to sit, I'm not going to accept Islam.

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What was the reply to him? She said to him, or my husband, inshallah, I will assist you and help you and stand with you. until Allah Subhana. Allah will show you the way of the truth. Now that time in Mecca, there was no law that a Muslim woman could not live with a non Muslim husband. That rule wasn't there yet. That revelation didn't come yet. This was the very early days of Islam.

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So she went to her father.

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And she asked the father, she said,

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I want you to give me permission to stay with my husband. And then I said to her

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If Tabasco chick were all that

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magic,

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he rejected Islam. They want to be a Muslim wannabe Salaam say,

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stay with your husband and stay with your children.

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So why not? I think it was me You even though the rule wasn't there yet. That Muslim woman could never could not live with a non Muslim man, we would have said McCain stuck with the law.

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mediately

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the rule wasn't prophesied. No.

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Islam doesn't prevent it at this stage. You live with him.

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So they live together.

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They want to become Muslim. He may not his face and then a momentous thing happened. What happened?

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Then me salatu salam went on hegira left Makkah.

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And she went to a father and said, What must I do fancy No, you stay. You stay Mk. Stay with your husband. I will go to Medina. And then what happened? Then the Battle of buzzer came and the Battle of budget came and her husband came to her to sign up and say to her, I am going to join the army of the Quraysh

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to fight the Muslims and mother.

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If you think that you have problems in your home with your wife or your children Subhana Allah, can you imagine the problems Nafisa must have had and his his daughter? This was not the daughter of an ordinary man. This is the daughter of Muhammad Sallallahu sallam. What do you think she did? What do you think she she went on masala and she says Oh Allah gave the day not dawned on me that I lose my father

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and my husband

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in a battle where they fight against each other.

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And our husband went and she tried to dissuade him, but he said no, this is my people have to defend my people

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anonymously. And he fought at the Battle of mother.

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And she called the news news came back from badger.

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And she asked the people they said well, international Muslim owned Muslims were victorious. And then Abbey sasaram had taken the number of prisoners of war. One of the prisoners of war two was your husband.

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Alas.

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So she was very conscious. He said what is the proper gonna do my father going to do with him? He said your father as agreed to take ransom for every prisoner.

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She had no money. She had nothing.

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But she had a chain around her neck which her mother gave her Khadija Ilana, the mother, wife of the Navy solo, and she took the chain off and she gave it

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to her brother in law and wrapped it up and said take this to the Navy so solemn

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for the release of my husband, and he went

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there's a long line and people are paying ransoms and sitting there sitting free. The prisoners of war in in eastern came and he gave, he gave the locker the

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piece of jewelry wrapped in a cloth and he gave it to the navies of Salaam. And he said Yeah. So Lola, this is Sarah. So I said Mohammed, this is a lot of love, for the release of your daughters has been a blast.

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Imagine what must have gone through the mind of the nervous system, open the claws.

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And he looked at it in the bursar cry. And he said, so hon Allah, this is the chain that my wife Khadija used to be.

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And he looked at the Sahaba. And he said to the companions, oh, my companions, would you allow me

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to send this back to my daughter in Makkah,

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allow me to set him free.

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And allow me to send this back

00:29:00--> 00:29:12

to my daughter this belonged to my wife had his only piece of jewelry, and she gave it to Korea. And I would like to send it back. And of course they agreed. They agreed that he could go back so he went back.

00:29:16--> 00:29:22

But before he left, he said to him, can I have a word in private with you? Can I speak to you privately?

00:29:23--> 00:29:24

He said yes. I

00:29:25--> 00:29:27

spoke to him to the basis of say to him,

00:29:28--> 00:29:30

I have just received revelation.

00:29:32--> 00:29:35

There are a Muslim woman cannot live

00:29:36--> 00:29:40

in the same house and be married to a non Muslim man.

00:29:41--> 00:29:47

I would like you to give me your word, that when you go back to Makkah, you will send my daughter home.

00:29:49--> 00:29:53

And he said I will do sir. I will go back and I will send your daughter

00:29:57--> 00:29:59

no animosity Subhana Allah can you

00:30:00--> 00:30:09

Imagine this is your son in law, who is rejected us Mohammed Salim the Messenger of Allah. Not only that he comes on the battlefield, and his intention is to kill you.

00:30:12--> 00:30:17

But look at the famous of this man, Mohammed Salah Lawson, look at the justice of Hamas.

00:30:18--> 00:30:19

Say when back,

00:30:21--> 00:30:25

he went home and he said to his wife, Anna, Rahel, I'm immigrating, I'm traveling.

00:30:27--> 00:30:48

And she said, Where are you going? This is what I that is going It is you that is great. I gave, your father told me that your dean, the Dean of Islam, has made it impermissible for me to live with you. And I've given him my word, I will send you back. I will send it to Medina to go live with your father.

00:30:50--> 00:30:53

As you say to him, but don't you want to

00:30:55--> 00:31:00

accept Islam and go with me? Don't you want to become a Muslim and go with me? He said now.

00:31:03--> 00:31:08

I'm not going to become Muslim. You go you take the children, and you can leave. Go back to Medina.

00:31:10--> 00:31:24

Six years went by six years, half a dozen years. In fact, this whole saga went over a period of 20 years, but six years she went she lived in Medina for six years. Nothing happened. She didn't see me they didn't see a no contact nothing. Then something happened.

00:31:27--> 00:31:43

He was at the head of a caravan of goods leaving maca to go to Syria and Sahaba and Medina herders and they decided to intercept this caravan in order for them to get back some of the goods that was taken from them when they were in,

00:31:44--> 00:31:45

in muck.

00:31:47--> 00:32:04

So our house came with a caravan and he was intercepted by the companions of the Navy Salaam, and he fled the caravan abuelas he ran away. What way could he run the only place he could run towards Medina? It was the nearest city he could go to. And he ran into Medina.

00:32:06--> 00:32:07

And where would he go?

00:32:09--> 00:32:29

Is the enemy Where would he go? Nobody's gonna take him. And he asked where it is in upstate, ask for the house of Xavier. And they directed him to the house of Satan. And he knocked on the door and she opened the door the Mashallah smile on the face. leaksmart on the face, hon Allah and she said to him at a Muslim and

00:32:30--> 00:32:31

he will come as a Muslim.

00:32:33--> 00:32:36

And you come as a Muslim, he was really happy to see Six years later.

00:32:37--> 00:32:42

What love I Six years later, and why was the last delay because the file didn't intervene.

00:32:43--> 00:32:51

The father did not intervene negatively. Now visa Salam knew that there was so much love. All that happened was that he had to come right through.

00:32:53--> 00:33:02

All that he had to do was he had to cover it, he had to accept Islam and the marriage would be a Mashallah marriage. And sometimes we as parents give up too easily we have up to

00:33:04--> 00:33:10

a staffer law, men, a man an economist, or he doesn't want to do this he doesn't want to do.

00:33:13--> 00:33:19

Now visa salon was always practicing patience, and always thinking long term.

00:33:21--> 00:33:38

Because Manage My dear brothers is not about today and tomorrow. Man is about 3040 5060 years hence in life. That is a nice, it's a long term relationship. And it's important that one goes for the correct advice. Don't be stubborn, and I don't mean extremely stubborn.

00:33:39--> 00:33:44

Men are extremely stubborn creatures. I'm one myself. I'm not saying you are saying I am.

00:33:46--> 00:34:00

We wait for everything for the last moment. When the house burns down, and you want to call the fire engine. We don't want to fix the plants and fix electricity. So they won't be as short now. We'll wait till the thing burst. But then you want to do

00:34:01--> 00:34:16

and so most of the divorces we have to raise because of the husband because husband don't see this problem. And then many issues. One of the major issues today is that we as parents, and husbands and families

00:34:17--> 00:34:19

sometimes don't realize that

00:34:22--> 00:34:32

many of the marriages today go on the rocks, not because there are problems between asthma and wife. But because there are psychological issues also that affect the family.

00:34:33--> 00:34:38

And many people are in denial about this. The problem was the wife the wife has a problem.

00:34:39--> 00:34:43

But the reverse causes maybe she's depressed or maybe he's depressed.

00:34:45--> 00:34:59

Maybe we should seek some help, professional assistance. Now bear in mind same homophobia bow sees a viola Lawson Allah says man of a man, the fro say my monitor is up your mouth, inshallah undemocratic.

00:35:00--> 00:35:01

bla bla bla bla bla,

00:35:03--> 00:35:03

when

00:35:05--> 00:35:22

we do the poor guy, maybe he's been suffering from depression for the last 1015 years of his life, maybe the same with your wife, maybe with your children as well. Why is the child locked up in the room? 15 hours a day, 20 hours a day? Why? What's he doing there? We think what he wants to be alone with himself, you know,

00:35:23--> 00:35:32

he's got a baby's got a serious problem. Maybe you take him for help. That's where our last one that is placed amongst us psychologists, psychiatrists, doctors,

00:35:33--> 00:35:41

people understand the human psyche, and so forth and so on. So not just my wife is a problem. My daughter's a problem with school and seen as a problem.

00:35:43--> 00:35:56

And we always think that the girl is on the scarf and a picture of this thing, they can't do that and they don't greet and they lock themselves up and become the the hospitable for all these are sometimes causes beyond the physical.

00:35:59--> 00:36:11

And we need to be aware as parents, and as elders, and as neighbors and brothers. And I know the first thing you will say is if you say to him, don't you want to talk to us? If we don't, then because now

00:36:12--> 00:36:16

that's the first reaction. But then the reaction tells you that there is a problem.

00:36:18--> 00:36:22

That reaction will tell you this. And don't tell, don't tell me why I didn't tell you about this.

00:36:23--> 00:36:37

Don't want to come to my channel. And I said you didn't pick up the problem. When you add typical, you're in denial. No, copy my daughter's I didn't know what my daughter? Oh, no, no, no, no, your son? No, no, my son, your daughter.

00:36:38--> 00:36:44

Instead of sitting down and saying, well, there is a problem, let's resolve the problem. So it doesn't grow bigger.

00:36:45--> 00:36:50

And don't say as parents, you see there's a problem you say it's sort of subtle interfering.

00:36:54--> 00:36:59

until it becomes too late. There's interference and interference is a way to interfere.

00:37:01--> 00:37:32

Sometimes interfere by saying by going there and then shouting it both of them. But mckaela Leave me alone, leave us alone and cut blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That is that is the one kind of interference. The other kind of interference is to call them inside in a room alone one at a time and talking to them. But parents have to intervene. And I know today parents are reticent to intervene. But today is really the time when intervention is required.

00:37:35--> 00:37:40

Because things when it goes down it goes down so rapidly that sometimes we can't stop it.

00:37:42--> 00:37:44

So the Navy Salam so what happened now?

00:37:45--> 00:37:47

So now he's in the house of

00:37:50--> 00:37:57

his former wife Rukia the daughter of Mohamed Salah Lawson. This was just sorry, ah, Mashallah.

00:38:02--> 00:38:20

Xena, so and it was just before Yeah, Dan goes for fudging numbers in the measures. How about making Salah the last finish and sitting in imagine after fudger people sit in the masjid very quietly? And yeah, they Yeah, a woman's voice at the back of the masjid. And the woman shouts at the back of the magnet and says,

00:38:22--> 00:38:27

I have given refuge to Apple OS in the rabea

00:38:28--> 00:38:31

profitable shock city as a habit. He

00:38:32--> 00:38:33

said yes, we had.

00:38:34--> 00:38:37

And I knew this was a no This was his, his daughter.

00:38:41--> 00:38:43

And again, she said I've given refuge stream and

00:38:46--> 00:38:53

what happened to to Indonesia? Well, they must have, he must have run to Medina and he saw refuge in a house and so forth in Salt

00:38:55--> 00:39:00

Lake City system called the Sahaba together and he said, You know this is this was my son in law.

00:39:01--> 00:39:05

Very good man. He's also my

00:39:06--> 00:39:11

wife's nephew had his nephew or is known him to be a very righteous person.

00:39:12--> 00:39:23

I asked him to send my daughter back to Medina and he promised me and he fulfilled his promise. I want you to agree with me to give back whatever we took from this caravan

00:39:25--> 00:39:26

and to send him back to MCC.

00:39:29--> 00:39:32

So when Edison Sallam called him and say to him,

00:39:34--> 00:39:38

You are my you are that you are this. You are the father of my grandchildren.

00:39:40--> 00:39:42

You are my wife's family.

00:39:44--> 00:39:52

I want you to take this money, this wealth that we took from you and give it back to the people who took it from me the startup said to him, don't you want to become Muslim? And he said no.

00:39:54--> 00:39:54

No.

00:39:56--> 00:39:59

He said Do you realize the hurt is you caused your scores yourself.

00:40:00--> 00:40:04

know you love still love my daughter yourself and my daughter don't only become Muslim and stay with him he

00:40:07--> 00:40:16

went back to command he took everything went back to Makkah. And he calls the courage together in the harem and he said to them, I've just come back from Hamas lalala salah

00:40:18--> 00:40:21

and all the things that he took from your caravan deities.

00:40:23--> 00:40:25

Palmer sasaram inside to give it back to you

00:40:26--> 00:40:33

because of my relationship with his daughter and my relationship with with Khadija his wife rhodiola colada.

00:40:35--> 00:40:35

And he said

00:40:37--> 00:40:52

I have never met a man like Mohammed selasa look at this parents, my father in law, I've done so many things. I've rejected him, I fought against him I bother I refuse to accept Islam and yet he still gives me the binary says and he says I know there is a shadow Allah in Lovelock

00:40:58--> 00:40:59

since this is a man

00:41:00--> 00:41:02

that will fold is Amanda

00:41:03--> 00:41:04

Amanda as a father

00:41:06--> 00:41:08

because Allah has given a father

00:41:09--> 00:41:14

your Amanda is to see to the well being of your family as your first

00:41:16--> 00:41:20

and your most important Amanda is your Amanda towards your girls.

00:41:21--> 00:41:22

towards your daughters.

00:41:25--> 00:41:31

A father must always sleep with one eye closed in the other eye open thinking about ways daughters out what they are doing.

00:41:32--> 00:41:33

Now they Okay.

00:41:36--> 00:41:37

And then

00:41:38--> 00:41:40

that's what Alzheimer says

00:41:41--> 00:41:42

in the Quran.

00:41:44--> 00:41:49

While I attend school family alphab Let me be nickel, allows pharmacy Surah Baqarah, verse 237.

00:41:51--> 00:41:53

You know, many times when you deal with case with

00:41:54--> 00:41:55

couples,

00:42:00--> 00:42:03

then the contentious issue always is

00:42:05--> 00:42:10

what happens to the house, the car, the money, all the material stuff

00:42:11--> 00:42:15

was a problem. 99.99 cases always a problem.

00:42:19--> 00:42:34

And then is long negotiations to take place because she doesn't want to give you anything he doesn't give her anything. And so forth and so on. Both parties are inland sometimes in the in the High Court. And many times I have to go there and give expert witness and evidence

00:42:35--> 00:43:02

as to what is a dowry and when he should pay it or they shouldn't pay it and so forth and so on and so long Bulava and you know, when these things take place. This one insults the other one and the other one in South San Juan. And this one makes allegations against the other one, and about the families. And so all the scandals I always say you know the worst scandals come out when husband and wife breakup the worst scandals in the community. The worst times in the communities when

00:43:03--> 00:43:20

when when when husband and wife loses respect for each other and allows for other talks about in the Quran. It's in the Quran. Allah talks about divorce in verse 237. And Allah talks at the last verse about giving back the dowry allows forgiveness says while I turn to Allah,

00:43:22--> 00:43:24

Allah says Don't forget

00:43:25--> 00:43:27

to be generous and liberal with one another.

00:43:29--> 00:43:33

Allah says, where's your liberality and your generosity when you part?

00:43:34--> 00:43:42

Why is it always generous when you meet? And you're together? But the minute that you part you forget to Jin alphonsus Don't forget to generosity.

00:43:45--> 00:43:56

And he said to his people, Hamas didn't forget his generosity, despite all I did. He didn't forget his generosity. And I was a Muslim when he went back to Medina Subhan Allah, and he

00:43:58--> 00:44:01

when to the NaVi salatu salam.

00:44:03--> 00:44:07

And he told the Nebojsa Salaam that it accepted Islam is now Muslim.

00:44:10--> 00:44:13

And he asked the Nevis assembly Dr. Sol, Allah, he said,

00:44:14--> 00:44:15

Would you agree?

00:44:17--> 00:44:27

and be happy if I should take my wife back? Would you allow us after six years would you allow me to take my wife, Prophet took him by the hand,

00:44:28--> 00:44:31

windows and doors knocked on the door, she opened the door.

00:44:34--> 00:44:34

And she knew

00:44:35--> 00:44:36

she knew immediately.

00:44:38--> 00:44:40

The professor Samsung says your wife to take her back.

00:44:42--> 00:44:45

And she died after one year after that she passed away.

00:44:46--> 00:44:55

So this saga wasn't three months or six months or nine months or a year this was 20 years. This happened over a period of 20 years.

00:44:56--> 00:44:59

Can you imagine the father being so patient and the wife being so patient

00:45:00--> 00:45:05

Because there was respect and there was love, there was dignity and honor.

00:45:08--> 00:45:14

Yes, you can live in. In marriage, you have to be honorable. You have to live a dignified life.

00:45:17--> 00:45:21

The time when a marriage breaks down is when respect between two people break down.

00:45:25--> 00:45:27

They start to sweat each other, feeling bad.

00:45:30--> 00:45:31

Now I always tell the men you know,

00:45:33--> 00:45:34

women have very complicated

00:45:36--> 00:45:39

Alzheimer's and made them very complicated.

00:45:40--> 00:45:41

And you will example,

00:45:42--> 00:45:49

you come home, you find your wife, she's crying, but makia dawns. What's wrong, darlin?

00:45:52--> 00:45:53

Is it me?

00:45:55--> 00:45:57

What is it? Don't talk to me.

00:45:58--> 00:45:59

But once you have, I don't know.

00:46:03--> 00:46:05

You think yourself now? What do I do now?

00:46:06--> 00:46:07

How do I take this forward?

00:46:09--> 00:46:11

allowance made it very complicated.

00:46:13--> 00:46:24

And that is why one of the responses and you know, I'm not saying i'm not i'm not talking bad about about women, please, we must get me wrong. I'm just being very honest.

00:46:29--> 00:46:33

And sometimes reasoning doesn't help. Now men

00:46:34--> 00:46:39

is very much less emotional in the home. And the first thing that men who think I'm the reason

00:46:40--> 00:46:47

why you know, you've gone through your manual or that you've gone through a system that you can reason with your mother.

00:46:49--> 00:46:53

Your manager says, a large organization was you obedient to me finishing kind of story?

00:46:56--> 00:46:58

Isn't it a coach universe?

00:47:00--> 00:47:03

So each other doesn't work?

00:47:04--> 00:47:11

The only thing that works is I don't know, maybe it works for me, then it worked for you. But you need to know in silence is the answer.

00:47:13--> 00:47:17

You can't say that, you know, so you call your son you say no, you can't reason with him.

00:47:18--> 00:47:20

Just Just listen to my argument.

00:47:23--> 00:47:37

You've got the best argument. They will tell you also how you think your pride you think you clever, think you're an accountant or you're a chef or you know, you're a doctor, you know, what you think you are, you know, I've also got brains in Africa.

00:47:38--> 00:47:39

You know what I'm talking about.

00:47:40--> 00:47:46

So, I always say that the message we give to our children are wrong, we should tell our sons to be patient.

00:47:52--> 00:47:56

A woman's patient is for children, which you could never have.

00:47:58--> 00:48:09

allows one has given a woman the best service, but with the children. And you know that you don't have three minutes of supper with that baby. Not three minutes, you keep the child within

00:48:10--> 00:48:11

Canada

00:48:14--> 00:48:20

allows one has given you the patience to have the patience with that same person that she has with your children.

00:48:21--> 00:48:23

That's the payoff.

00:48:24--> 00:48:25

That's the balance.

00:48:27--> 00:48:30

And that we must tell your daughters and that you must tell your son

00:48:32--> 00:48:37

was Daniel son, Mr. Big Man who goes to the gym every day with big broad muscles. And as

00:48:38--> 00:48:47

Mr. Lim You are the man in the house of numerous empty patients, if you don't have a happy home, silence and patience.

00:48:48--> 00:49:00

Many times the best answer is silence and patience. So May Allah give that we try and follow in the footsteps of Mohamed Salah. So look at this man La ilaha illAllah

00:49:01--> 00:49:03

Look at this beautiful personality.

00:49:04--> 00:49:16

And that is how you must love him. You must love him by listening to how he dealt with issues. And then we implement those problems in our lives will load an atom Salaam Alaikum