Ramadan 2023 Appeal
Muslim Marriage Advice In Islam
Channel: The Deen Show
File Size: 13.03MB
In this episode of The Deen Show Eddie discusses everything related to marriage in islam; the rolls of spouses, etc. as well as some tips and tricks to improve our marriage.
Episode Transcript ©
Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate and at times crude. We are considering building a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system. No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever.
hamdulillah Salaam Alaikum greetings of peace to everybody tuning into the D show every week. We're here with some exciting topics and marriage. So we want to talk about marriage, we'll talk about marriage, high rate of divorce is increasing, homes are getting broken. We want to keep them together. So we got to get some good advice because you know what? When the homes are broke, I said this so many times before, then the society becomes broke, who's playing? What role roles are all mixed up, and the home is all messed up. And we're gonna try to give some practical tips and advice to keep it all together here on the D show. Don't go anywhere.
Sonic on Peace be with you.
Hello, how are you? Shaykh hamdulillah Good to have you back on the show. As I can love her and nice to be back. Now you a you have written many books on the topic you tour the world doing these marriage workshops. Yes. And how is the feedback that you're getting? Oh, Mashallah, we really are getting very good feedback. And sometimes, tears roll my eyes because of this
reward to have this kind of feedback. As a matter of fact, we're going to Morocco in the next month Sharla to have two workshops on marriage where they're able to save some homes
must be very rewarding. And this is what I'm gonna be talking about. You know, we know that the marriage is half of the deen. It is very important, very stress. Let's talk about some specifics here. You know, in marriage when two people come together, you know, they come together, obviously, for the love of their Creator and they want to build a home that's based on the Quran and Sunnah. So pretty much you think that Okay, we got the blueprint. If we stick to it, everything should be okay. Yes. Why do things sometimes not go in the right direction?
I think there are many reasons for this.
First, many people are taking marriage lightly. They're not taking it seriously, particularly young people.
And Quran verse number 21. In surah, las panatela describes marriage as solemn covenant or husband minco, myth meetha, Condoleezza. So it is something that has to be taken very seriously. Also, in Quran, verse number 21, in Surah, room, a lot of Allah described marriage as one of his signs, swimming at and Holla Holla. Come in and push as virgin did a school Allah, Allah, Allah commanded.
That verse came among many verses of talk about the amazing science of Allah Subhana. Allah, the creation of human being, the creation of heavens, and as the rain coming down. We as people have different colors. We night and day, so many of the amazing signs and the intermediate come marriage, which means that marriage is very serious business, it should never be taken lightly. It's quite unfortunate that many of our young people
do not prepare for marriage, and they approach it very lightly and say, yeah, we are not allowed to date in Islam. So this is the halal dating act, we're explaining whether it doesn't work. Yeah, you can separate broken doors. And that's why the rate of divorce is very, very high. But if if there is a commitment from both spouses to work hard to make a successful marriage, it will be successful. And how can we get this commitment? How can we help each other to be committed to have this this serious effort to make them that that union success? I think, understanding that it is a serious matter.
To vaccine the colors describe the solemn covenant and is one of his signs. I think also, knowing that one of the main objectives of marriage is to bring us closer to Allah subhanho wa Taala because Professor salon gave us many a hadith to that effect. Masako long Ratan Salahuddin Alessia de la tequila have shipra whoever was blessed to his arrival
spouse must quantify that have helped with him or her and half of their Deen scolded them fear Allah subhanaw taala. I think also if we can always remind ourselves that divorce is the most hated
permitted actions for last pinata.
Alice panatela permitted us to have divorce, but he hates divorce. So do I want to do something that las panatela hates? He doesn't like so if we remind ourself is all the things that will help us to commit
and work hard, inshallah blood I mean, to have a successful marriage. I would like to go back to the point of of
that one of the main objectives of marriage is to please amongst panelists to help each other to be stronger in case we close at four last time. And I'd like to give the audience an example from the life of the Sahaba Raja lavon. How the hell with each other to be closed at palace pinata. There is a Sahabi His name is Abu Dhabi.
And when this number 245, from Surah, Baqarah was revealed, and the winds were like this, many the lead up to Maha Kaplan has an entire life of hula hula and casita Allah
Who ever learns Allah subhanaw taala, a goodly rune, Allah subhanaw taala will multiply him many folds.
did not understand the concept and he went to the crux of salon plus camp.
Prophet of Allah, Allah subhanaw taala is free of all ones.
And he is asking us to give him a loan.
It didn't make sense in his mind.
So the Prophet salla salam told him, you redo and you fill a chameleon, Allah subhanaw taala want to give you an opportunity. So you can when you do it, you will be admitted to paradise. So, the concept was very nice to work with data, he really liked it, you know, and a las panatela is very generous with us, He gives us many opportunities to do things. And when we do it, we get rewarded by pelletize you know, so, right now we want to apply. So he told the processor him that he has two gardens, one in the upper part of Medina under Part Two Medina and he wants to give these two gardens
a good little las panatela and apostle and advise him to give one and keep one for himself.
And he accepted the advice and he gave one and and kept himself
is a prophet congratulated him. But now look, how are we the Hara is relaying the news to Omaha his wife. He was he was chanting, he thought there and poetry. Because it was the time I don't have to say the Arabic poetry. But what it means that Allah subhanaw taala guided me the best guidance and I willingly give this garden for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala soon, solace without fear is not ours anymore. Now the reaction woman
she was very pleased that he did this. And she kept thanking Him. And you see, she said you did the right thing. And discipline Allah subhanaw taala to guarantee at least for us in general. JazakAllah Harada she stopped by her man. Yeah, she Yes, she's and she praised him for doing this. She said this is the best thing you've ever done for us. And look up over half of his assets for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala. Now,
think about some time you're having a pro Islamic project, and I'm going to give my next paycheck for this project. And the sisters. How can you do this, you have to consult with me have to do this. I'm going to have to buy this new friend Rachel Don't they know that we have to put the kid in very sick, don't they know this, they know that
you should support each other you know. So if your husband has been tearing into Masjid or anti Islamic center or in a good project,
support him if your wife wants to go and attend the Holocaust and Damascus which can then have them take care of the kids so she can do this. You see how to support each other to make us closer for las panatela. That's what we should be doing work together. We're gonna take a break and come back with more. Don't go anywhere here on the dean show or back subscribe right now.
Back here on the D show shake. There are some great examples. You see many people who are experts in this field, such as yourself and some of the not yet Muslims who are out there who have counseled, so many married couples over, you know, so many decades years, and few of them have written some books. And the secret is that they come out that are not secrets. But you know, great tips that people can benefit from, when you read some of their books, you see that? Wow, this is what our Dean is telling us, for instance, Dr. I believe his name is Emerson, if I'm not saying it wrong, he has a book. It's a best seller. I believe he's a Christian. And he wrote it, I don't know if it was with
his wife, but it's called love and respect. So the book kind of talks about when the woman gives, when the man gives the woman what, what she want with a woman gives the man what he needs, then the man gives the woman what she needs to have a blissful marriage, but when they're not fulfilling each other in these things that are very, very important, where obviously both need love and respect, but the man needing this respect more than the love and the woman needing the love more than respect, things just become more blissful. What are your comments on this? Yeah, well, first couple of comments. First, there are many good books written by non Muslims that have some very good advices.
And I could easily put a verse from Quran or Hadith from the apostle Salaam to these good advices you know, so handler blumen, these advices are there in our, in our Dean, we have it there, the process and give it to us before. The second is yes,
we have to take into consideration the emotional needs, and the physical needs of both spouses. So both of them have really clear about each other. what pleases Him, what was him in the mood. So woman in general, have more need to fulfill her emotional
being. compared to men, men are emotional, they have emotional needs, of course, but not as strong as the physical need for men is much much higher than that, for the woman and so to to have a good blissful relationship. When it comes to this intimate relation, it's very important that the men try to fulfill the emotional needs of the woman, she will be willing to engage more in the physical music he has. And as a matter of fact, this is saved by Quran.
When he talks about this religion, it tells us, particularly men, walk on the moon and prepare for yourself when you want to get engaged in this intimate relationship repair for yourself. Put your wife in the mood that she will make her happy when she's engaged in this action and others cannot put it in general I will give details how to prepare you for yourself because he wants us to know our our personalities. And to know what what will put them in the mold.
One wife may may be very happy if you get a gift, the other wife may be very happy to help her with the kids. And her wife will be in the mood if you just sit together and have a chat before you engage in this intimate act.
A third one, if you go for a walk it prepares here for this. So every husband should try to know what are the emotional needs of his spouse and try to fulfill it and prepare because it's part of our Deen is there is not and the process Allah gave us many advices when it comes to this. So that's that's very important and it helps cementing the relationship and keep it very strong and enjoyable. I like to sometimes when you cite some of these non Islamic sources, but they actually when you look at it, you as you said you can find is from the Quran that are substantiating this the examples on the last the fundamental problem and sometimes people you get their attention right but we have
everything there. And
there's another example when a woman she again she's not a Muslim, but when she did obviously in Islam we hold women to a high regard were to treat them in the most kindness loving way. This is clear some people go to an extreme This is the the human deficiency of them but we know where Islam places women in the highest level. So now you have this woman saying that she a non Muslim woman. She wrote a book called The surrendering wife. So she talked about all of these problems was she was having but when she surrendered control to her husband now obviously they you know, on conjunction a lot of things but when she now because there's got to be one leader in the house, yes. identifies
with Islam. Yes. Now she started to really appreciate marriage. Have you heard of this book surrendering wife is by a woman now man, right?
Yes, yes, I heard about this book and we talk about these elements. That is quite unfortunate that,
as you mentioned, it is very clear where Islam stands. But some men
took it to one extreme in terms of being the leader of the family, and the confused that the meaning of the word,
being the leader with a family with certain cultural taxes he have, which turned away many women, and he took it to the other extreme, and he will become following that famous movie to the extent that we don't want to even
accept a last rule that man has to be the leader of the family. So these two extremes are not acceptable Islam spirit clear, the width of the column does not mean that you have to be controlling and bossing your wife and
asking her to write and lifting cover means that you are standing, taking good care, helping, supporting protecting your family, this is a responsibility given to us by Allah subhanaw taala. It is not that you are a dictator in the house. And also one of the conditions we encounter is that you have to see
that input from the family members before we make any decision really to the family, and you make the decisions based on what's best for the family, with your own desire as a person.
that for the men side, we really have to practice our map properly. And I think this was one of the main purposes that I wrote my book, family, family leadership, column and obligation to fulfill not an excuse to abuse because there is lots of misunderstanding about this concept of leadership in Islam. And I put many practical
situation and case studies, where power is used appropriately and the word is, is used appropriately. There is 10 or 15. Examples in both sides, of course face say I had the support of Quran and Sunnah to the, to explain what our government means. So my advice for our brothers particularly, please, do not take karma as you are a dictator or a boss, not a club. This is a responsibility Allah gave to you to protect, to help to take good care. And make sure that you get the feedback and the input of all family members whenever you make a decision related to the family. And my advice to the sisters, except this. This is the role that Allah subhanaw taala asked the
husband to play and support him and give him the good feedback. And when most of you are welcome in this visit, you are in the same team. Same team. Yeah, same team. And this is a way for you both to get closer for loss. Same team on the same team, not opposing teams. We'll be right back with more here on the deen show. Subscribe right now.
Back here on the D show, we're talking about one of the most we were talking while I'm break this gift, you know that's comes from the Creator. And at the same time, you know, having this trust and faithfulness in marriage, but before we go on to that tell me about this gift that Allah has given us yeah, marriage Subhana Allah as I mentioned in verse number 21, in Surah room, a las panatela talks about marriage as one of the signs and one
important objective of marriage is to achieve repose and peace and tranquility in the relationship. And he says why jalepeno kumada Rama he put between you this my word, which means love and compassion and mercy be between you as if and the way it is stated in Arabic it is Subhana Allah it is.
This is for sure happening. As as if Allah subhanaw taala is giving us
a gift in our wedding night. Here is my gift to my wife and drama between you like the sisters, you get together and make a bridal shower and give gifts to the bride. So Allah subhanaw taala was giving the couples a gift. At the end of this this gift is my word and Rama and I
I don't like a translation word as love, it is not just love. It is. It is love. Love is an emotion. It is an internal emotion. But it is, it is expressed in good doing good things and helping each other being better to each other in kindness in. And that's why one of the names of Allah subhanaw taala is Elijah dude.
There is no name as him Why? Because he always expresses his love to us, or given us our children, or raised our provision, and so many things that they give to us because he's always he always expresses his love. So this mount, the Under Armour is there for us last fall, give it to us as a gift at the knife of our wedding, what happened?
You mentioned that the rate of the worst is very high. Why is this happening? Although Allah says that I gave you this guy is on what's going. Because we don't nurture this gift enough. When you receive a gift from somebody that you love and respect what you do with this gift, we take very good care of it.
And last part of that I gave you this gift at your wedding tonight. But
you will neglect it. And that's why you have problems. So it's very important to try to nurture this gift of Allah subhanaw taala this method and because if we nurture it enough, there will be no conflict, there will be no problems you will avoid many of these problems because Allah subhanaw taala tells us in Surah Maryam investment but mine is six in levena M and one who saw he had his hedgehog wrong Brockman would. So those who believe in Allah subhanaw taala, those who act righteously, Allah subhanaw taala, we keep this model between them.
And as a matter of fact, in our book, blissful marriage, we have many, many attributes and qualities that will help couples if they acquire these attributes and deal with it, that would help couples to, to nurture this gift of mud and drama and build their family life on harmony. And you mentioned also trust and faithfulness, this is a very important quality in marriage. And it is one of the key factors for a successful marriage. And But as you know, Trust has to be in it. It's not enough, I tell my wife, we just trust me. Trust has to be entered. And how can we create this atmosphere of trust and faithfulness within the family between the companies? That is two beautiful advisors from
the professor ourselves. First, we have to follow the etiquettes of interaction with the opposite sex was the opposite sex as a prusa sample was?
If I'm interacting with a member from the gender, that's not my wife, there are certain etiquettes that they have told me. I should lower my gaze. It should be no flirting, flirting. No, no, it only you're doing something because for certain business that you have to finish but it is not that you relax and enjoy can be known. And this is a fetish advice from a professor Sam. The second advice is to be transparent, fully transparent in this relationship. And there is an incident in the life of the process, Alan that that he emphasizes transparency. He was making it careful once in the most, and his wife saphira de la Juana. She came to visit him and the most and start chatting with him.
And after they chatted, he walked he was walking here back to her room, you know the rooms of his wife are attached to the mosque. So he's walking her back to her room to have the Sahaba of the answer. We're coming to enter the mosque. And you know, at the calf at night is dark. So this was a solemn walking with a lady didn't know who is this lady. So she rushed as if to enter the mosque as if the mob trying to embarrass a professor Salah. So suppose Hassan told him aleris likoma Don't rush.
Wait. She is my wife. She is Sofia.
So he made sure that the know you see the transparency, you made sure that they know that he's no he's not working with a strange lady. The Sahaba told him broth Allah who will never suspect that you will be working with a strange lady. He said no.
But shaitan always try to instill l thoughts in the mind of a human. And I want you to avoid this.
If you can become a sharper or shy I want you to avoid this. So it's a great lesson for all of us that we should always be transparent
wanting a relationship? So I make sure my wife knows exactly where I am.
And how can she get hold of me? I think that if I change my plans,
I let her know, is there a call or an email that the plan changes, so she knows exactly where I am. At any point in time, I know exactly where she is, are very transparent. She knows exactly all my financial dealings. When you create, when you treat each other with this transparency, it it creates this atmosphere of peacefulness and trust between a company and this is huge and very important factor that keeps the relationship very strong. And those who follow the advice of the professor Salah handler in their marriages are very successful, still continuing for 30 4050 years. Your beautiful advice shake people want to get a hold of you and inshallah we can put together a seminar
or a workshop on marriage in Chicago, maybe how can they reach you to do on here in Chicago. Again, you can email me through the info link on
family [email protected] and we'll take it from there, we can send you the availability this and send you all the documentation, and we can go take it from the shower is very, very good work. So people are really give some, some very good feedback and just wonder the sea it really changed their life, you know, beautiful credit, heavens and earth reward you thank you. Thank you so much. You're very welcome. And thank you for tuning into the deen show. We all have problems we all have struggles. But it's beautiful when you get to you have an open mind, open heart and then you get to get some of these tips. You let it in and you consider like Hold on, am I doing things right? Let me
try to incorporate this and this tip into my life and make some adjustments. Some people say look, you can't teach an old dog new tricks but you're going against Islam because Islam is always about empowering and changing for the better. So you want to be a better husband. You want to be a better wife, look to the verbatim Word of God the Quran and the Sunnah, the way of the last fundamental problem have a peace be upon him and sit with people of knowledge, increase in knowledge so you can increase in power now you can be well guided instead of getting all those tips and tricks for maybe the daytime nighttime soap operas, dramas, which you're going to end up end up destroying your your
marriage, and inshallah you got the benefit. Subscribe if you haven't Follow us on the Facebook, Twitter. Now you can also join us on Instagram. We'll see you next time peace be with you. Subscribe right now.