Zaynab Ansari – Ramadan Advice for Mothers & Wives
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The speaker provides advice on topics such as taking care of spiritual development, avoiding quantity, and maximizing grocery usage. They also suggest ways to empower children, such as sharing date dates and donating clothing and toys. The speaker emphasizes community-based values and setting aside time for oneself and learning about cultural traditions. Regarding healthy behavior during Easter, the importance of regular family gatherings, regular family activities, and creating a socially meaningfulale for minority Muslim communities is emphasized.
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Assalamu alaikum. My name is Zayna Bensari, and
this is my contribution to the seekers guidance
Ramadan webinar.
I just have a few
brief pieces of advice
specifically
for mothers during this blessed month of fasting.
Recall that,
for mothers,
a lot of the spiritual development and achievements
that you sort of look forward to during
this month of fasting
really sort of
play out in the way you run your
house and you interact with your children
and, the rest of your family members. So,
there are a lot of spiritual secrets in
those daily routines, which might
appear
very, very sort of mundane, even monotonous. But
if you sort of carry out those daily
routines,
with grace and patience, then Insha'Allah, you'll you'll
actually reap a lot of,
spiritual benefits, especially in the months to come.
Also, for mothers, realize that,
get used to the idea that your Ramadan
with children will, of necessity, look entirely different
from the way Ramadan looked before you had
children. That's just a fact of life.
So strive to, strive for consistency
in your acts of worship versus quantity.
Don't don't get caught up in quantity anymore.
Just strive for something that you can sustain
and something that will help to keep you
sane and grounded.
Try to put aside some time for yourself.
That that that doesn't change when you need
to put aside some time for yourself. That's
why keeping your children on
a schedule is really important. Bedtime for those
children is really important so that you can
either do something after Isha
or
after,
Fajr, since you're obviously praying Fajr at the
beginning of its time since everybody,
you're getting everyone up for suhoor.
Modeling good behavior for your children
while you're fasting is one of the best
ways of showing them the importance of Ramadan.
Also, just some practical advice to help you
free up as much time as possible to
be with your children, you know, so that
you can set aside time to read some
Quran and to do some things that are
really more meaningful than the day to day
grind.
Try to stock up on groceries as much
as you can. Cook in large quantities.
This will stretch your food dollar and free
you up from having to cook every night.
So get used to eating leftovers.
In some of our Muslim cultures, there's this
idea that you can't eat leftover food. Try
and get beyond that. Leftovers have really been,
a saving grace for me during the month
of Ramadan
Cause it really it makes you appreciate the
food that you have, and then you're not
really obsessing over, okay, what am I going
to eat tonight? Ramadan is not the time
to try out new recipes or to do
lavish entertaining.
Definitely feed people, but it can be as
simple as, giving someone some dates, for example.
Keep meals basic.
Be grateful that you have,
a wide range of possibilities
to choose from,
when you open your refrigerator and your pantry
because millions of Muslims the world over, especially
in Somalia and East Africa,
don't have that. They don't have refrigerators. They
don't have pantries. They don't have homes. They
don't have food. They don't have water. So
Ramadan is not the time to be,
thinking about what we're going to have in
the next Iftar party.
You know, I've been in situations where people
are are piling food up on their kids'
plates, and that food's going in the trash.
That's a sin. So as much as possible,
maximize
all,
food,
usage during Ramadan so that nothing is wasted,
and try to stretch that food as much
as possible.
And be charitable during this month, whether you're
donating to, Muslims overseas or Muslims in your
local community. Like I said, something as simple
as sharing some dates with someone,
bringing bringing water to the iftar.
Another thing that you can do is,
have your children go through their
their clothing and their toys,
and and pick out things that are in
good condition and donate those things. That'll help
them to understand that,
Ramadan is a month of Sadaqa, that they
see it in a really tangible way that
they can relate to.
Constructing a socially meaningful Ramadan
consists in creating and establishing family traditions,
very important for minority Muslim communities in the
West.
Understand though that these traditions will change and
and evolve as your children grow grow older.
What, you know, toddlers can do is gonna
be obviously very different
from what children can do, say, when they're
school age or you've got teenagers.
But do things that in small ways help
to convey to your children
the importance of Ramadan, why we fast, how
everything we do is ultimately for the sake
of God.
Organize with other mothers to do Ramadan activities.
There's a great
group of sisters where I live that,
have organized Ramadan activities at local libraries during
the day and at mosques and Islamic centers
at in the evening,
you know, involving storytelling and arts and crafts,
and and just fun things that the children
can relate to to make Ramadan special.
Another thing that since some sisters are doing
where I live is that they're doing things
for the moms, but, you
know, they have
childcare at these events so that the mothers
can sort of focus on the things that
are going on, you know, whether it's reading
Quran or sharing their thoughts with other mothers
during during halaqa, for example.
So, connect with other moms because, you you
know, you have to understand that nothing's going
to happen unless mothers get up and make
these things happen.
Regular family gatherings, that's something that I'm really
big on, especially with,
people's schedules being so crazy and people working
and going to school and so on. It's
really important
to be diligent about making sure that there
is, at least one,
you know, family Iftar or gathering,
every week and,
also making sure that something is done
every Eid that involves all of the family
members. With with everyone making a contribution,
that really helps to sort of create,
those strong family ties.
Another thing that you can do
as far as making Ramadan socially meaningful and
spiritually meaningful, really,
is to,
talk to the people around you. For example,
if your, you know, your children go to
school
and, you go to public school, for example,
is talk to the teacher. I mean, they're
usually very eager to know
what the holidays are that their, students are
celebrating. So put together a Ramadan,
kit. One thing that I that I did
was I actually went and bought special Ramadan
and ebooks.
And, my son's teacher read these things to
the class, and they organized kind of arts
and crafts around one of the themes in
the book. It was really nice. It was
appropriate for the children,
regardless of what their what faith tradition they
were coming from. And it highlighted some of
the themes of Ramadan, sharing
and caring about other people and gathering together.
So these are things that you can do.
And,
as far as the Masjid is concerned, I
think it's important to take older children to
the Masjid during this time. Show them how
the people gather for the prayer and for
the Iftar.
Now for younger children,
some of you might disagree with me, but
I don't think that they should go to
the Masjid unless
the Masjid has designated,
a designated area for the children to play
and structured activities.
And, bedtime is really important for young children.
Don't try not to fall out of your
your routine during Ramadan.
If anything, I would suggest that maybe you
and your husband trade off, and one person
goes to the Masjid one night and another
person goes to the Masjid the other night,
Because it's not really a good thing to
have those kids up so late while people
are making because they get restless, they get
cranky, they get tired, they're making noise, they're
disrupting the other worshipers, and that's not fair.
So I think as much as possible
for young children, the emphasis should be on,
the parents doing things at home rather than
taking them to the masjid. Unless your kids
are just exceptionally well behaved, which is very
unusual. At a certain age, it's unfair to
expect children to be quiet and still. And,
finally, I would just say, you know, for
this month of Ramadan,
is to just, try to maximize each and
every minute of it in terms of your
interaction with your children. I mean, this is
a time when,
patience is definitely a virtue. So understand
that whenever you restrain yourself, say, and not,
and you're not yelling, and you're not spanking,
you're just trying to overlook and be as
patient as possible, InshaAllah, you're going to see
a lot of ajar from Allah
you know, for restraining yourself during that that
that those hours those hours of fasting. And
you're also you also would have conveyed a
really important lesson to your children that this
is a special month. You know? Mommy and
daddy are a little bit more patient. You
know? They're a little bit more cooled out,
and that's a good thing for your kids
to see. So I hope everybody has,
a beautiful,
remainder of Ramadan and especially those last 10
days. Assalamu alaikum.