Yassir Fazaga – Before You Say I Do – EP18 – PT 1

			can always be seen as man and wife, fulfilling the dean From this day on forever.
		

			I don't even let him initiate en rajim Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala rasulillah In the
Name of Allah, the Compassionate, The Most Merciful. All praise is due to Allah and may his peace
and blessings be upon our beloved prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. We begin by greeting
all of our brothers and sisters and viewers saying assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.
		

			Good to be with you again. And I am hoping that you are enjoying this as much as I am enjoying it.
And last time, we were talking about mistakes that people do when they are about to enter into a
marital relationship. Quickly, we spoke about people not asking enough questions, we spoke about
people making premature compromises. And then we spoke about people giving in to last. And these are
all some sorts of compromises that are really not good for the marital relationship, what we end up
doing is that we end up creating a false sense of an illusion of harmony, a false sense of harmony,
even though there is really no harmony taking place, it is just that somebody has decided to give up
		

			their sense of self to become whom the other person want them to be. And as such, we pay a very dear
price. And that is, who are we if we gave up our values, if we gave up our principles, compromise
does not take place with values and principles. But rather what we do is that we compromise our
interests, we compromise our hobbies, we compromise our preferences, we compromise our activities.
And what have you. Another point that is also crucially as important, besides people giving in to
last now is we have what we call getting into material seduction, we really are seduced by material.
		

			This is the VB exercise. They had a very nice exercise done again in the US where they had a group
of men and women. And you know how we talk all the time, we say money does not matter to me. As long
as he's a good person, he comes from a good family and upright character, a good Muslim, that's what
I want, right? That's what everybody would say. So one day, they had a group of men and a group of
women. And they said, We are about to describe a man for you and describe a woman for you and tell
us if you were to consider them for marriage. So they began with the ladies and they said, ladies, a
man who is very kind hearted, very, very sociable and approachable. He is a very loving, you know,
		

			he makes a very loving father. And he is just a person that makes everybody around him laughs He is
very kind. And he is just an extremely, extremely decent person of an upright character. How many of
you would consider talking to this man for marriage? So every single hand in the room, all the
women, they all raised their hands, and they said, we know about this person. And we would consider
that person for marriage. They said, Fine, said, well, there is another man who happens to be very
rude. And he is very rigid. And he is just very full of himself. He's not approachable, and he's not
very sociable. And he is not the person that you want to be around with. How many of you would
		

			consider such a man for marriage? So no hand went up in the room. They said, Well, we forgot to tell
you two pieces of information about or one piece of information about Bozeman. Remember that loving,
kind, very funny man, sociable, approachable, man. There is one thing about him. He's a garbage
collector, how many of you would still consider him for marriage, the hands that went up the first
time did not go up the second time. Now, they said the person that we told you about who happen to
be very rude and very harsh and all of that, we forgot to tell you that he is also a very high level
General Manager, and he happened to be extremely rich. How many of you would consider marrying that
		

			man and few hands actually went went up? We say we really don't care for money. We say oh, we're not
materialistic. But the reality is we do.
		

			We do. And this was a beautiful demonstration of how do we do it? Everybody wanted the map. But the
minute they found out that you know what, they were garbage collectors. They said, Oh, I need to
think about this again. Imagine that you are a woman sitting with a group of ladies. And you're just
introducing yourself to each one of them. And everyone is telling about what her husband does. So
Oh, my husband is a doctor. My husband is an engineer. My husband is a manager and comes your turn.
What do you say? My husband is a garbage collected. There is nothing wrong with being a garbage
collector. But now how
		

			My God, we don't want to say that. So, now, in reality is, we do care for money, that really matters
to us, what the problem is, we do not want to give in to material seduction is we want people who
are successful, we want people who are going to ensure a level of financial security, but that
cannot be the only motive for us. So, for example, the same way that people gave into lust, some
people give into material seduction, we do not want to give into material seduction, we are
influenced, we are influenced by money. You know, when they say that money talks, it really does
talk, money does give people virtues that they do not have, as we said the other day, so, we are
		

			influenced by money, we are influenced by lifestyle, you know, in California, where and how you
determine a person's value is to see what kind of a car do they drive in New York, it is where do
they dine? Where do they eat. In London, it is in Europe, generally speaking, it is, what brand of
clothes do they wear. So it seems like the material things that we have around us are making
statements about us all the time, and we're influenced by this, the lifestyle that is created by
money is also influential appearance is also very influential, we want to be good we are influenced
by this point is that we do not want to be seduced by these things, we are influenced by power,
		

			people love people who are in power high position, or you should consider that person do you know
who her father is, her father is the mayor of such and such place or her father is the general
manager of such and such plays, or you should consider this man Do you know what he does for a
living. So it becomes this, we are we are also influenced by, can we, you know, he said doctors are
never to be rejected, what's his name, engineers are not to be rejected, at least in some cultures,
or sometimes reputation. So the same way that we do not want to get into lost, we do not want to get
into material seduction. And sadly, it seems like Allahu Allah knows best that sometimes this
		

			happens to be more important for the man that the woman is looking for that they have got to be
powerful, they have to have the money, they have to have this. And we're not saying that you should
not be looking for these things. But these things cannot be the only determining factor about how
you are going into making your choice about the people that you are going to be spending the rest of
your life with. This is another mistake that people do as well. And that is putting commitment
before compatibility. These are people who have decided that this is the person that we want to be
with and they have committed before they found out whether they're compatible or not. You'll know
		

			what I'm talking about. People make the commitment to the individual, before they find out whether
they are compatible with that individual or not. That is silly. You know, who does this? Children do
that?
		

			Children do these things. Study of the signature. Who does this? This is a young girl, she said
there was this young boy these are in first grade, you know, she only knew his name. And she said
that she was practicing her signature as Mrs. Zakaria. She was writing her name Mrs. zecharia.
That's all she knows about that guy, Zachary. She's made a commitment before she sees anything, but
it was childish. Sometimes we do this, we put commitment before compatibility when do you commit
when there is only compatibility, putting commitment before compatibility is childish people, you do
not want to do that. And that's a big mistake that people do. And unfortunately, sometimes people
		

			make these mistakes, because of the previous reasons that we spoke about as far as pressure because
of age pressure, because of family, you know, loneliness and desperation would all lead to people
making a commitment to the marriage or to the relationship before they even find out whether we are
compatible or not. And of course, that is not acceptable. Now, now that we have spoken about the
mistakes that we want to avoid, we need to pay attention to this. Let us say, for the sake of it
that we did find the right person and we are compatible for the time being as far as it looks. There
are also other things that should be considered. Before we move on. You'll know where we are at this
		

			point. We did find a person we here that we are compatible. We did not make the mistakes that we
spoke about. So where do we go from this point on and before we go on to that point, we are going to
take a short break and we will
		

			We'll be back. So please stay tuned with us. Always be seen as man and wife.