Yassir Fazaga – Before You Say I Do – EP08 – PT 2

			To be seen as man and wife, fulfilling Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.
		

			Thank you for joining us again. Okay. The sister had a question. From Islamic point of view, is it
correct to marry a Muslim male gynecologist, a Muslim? Male gynecologist?
		

			Is it okay for a sister to marry a Muslim male gynecologist? So I think from what you're saying is
that you're saying that it might be wrong because he's a gynecologist, and a gynecologist, being a
woman's doctor is always exposed to women, pregnancy or whatever it is, we would want our Muslim
community to have enough female gynecologist so that we will not have to go through this. However,
if a brother is if that is his job, I don't see why not. You know, they say no woman wants to be
married to a doctor who leaves home at 3am. But every patient owns a doctor who is willing to leave
home at 3am. So yes, a sister may marry a Muslim male gynecologist considering the situation where a
		

			girl agrees to marry under no pressure
		

			to a guy who has certain shortcomings such as he may be a homosexual who's undergoing a treatment or
for that matter, a smoker or a person who's knowing the condition that he may be a very short
tempered person, but in such scenario, and but he belongs to a very good family and he himself is a
very good person. But in such conditions like knowing the scenario, she marries the person. What
should a female do? Like? Should she go for such we do have an entire topic when we talk about
marrying the wrong person? We do have an exact almost situation of what you have described. But let
me tell you in general, what happens when we are pressured, we may compromise some of our
		

			preferences, but not our principles. Keep this in mind people. You may end up compromising some of
your preferences, but not your principles. Under no circumstance. Should you ever compromise your
principles, preferences. You know, I wanted somebody of a certain height I wanted somebody of a
certain way I wanted somebody off you know, that you can play with that you can compromise. But when
it comes to principles, you should not be pressured in accepting this. As far as what you're talking
about. We have a whole entire section on avoiding Mr. Wrong. Okay. Mister wrong may come from a good
family. But he is a Scylla. Mr. Wrong. Mr. Rong may have the greatest parents, but he or she is
		

			still a Mr. And Mrs. Wrong. And we want to avoid Mr. Wrong. And sometimes Mr. Wrong or Mr. Wrong may
have all good qualities. But there is one thing about them. We want to see is that one thing? Is it
a matter of preference? Or is it a matter of principle? If it's a matter of preference that we can
deal with? If it's a matter of principle, he may be from the right family, but he is still Mr.
Wrong, but remind me when we come and discuss this and discuss this issue. What if someone has got
married or due to pressure for the wrong reasons, with Mr. Wrong
		

			and compromising on principles? What would you suggest? See what happens is sometimes you can almost
predict what will happen here is a person that is getting married for the wrong reason. And they're
getting married for the wrong reason was the wrong person. And you really expect a happy marriage to
come out of this. May Allah grant and a happy marriage, but at least on paper of what we know, as
people, as reasonable people, we say You know what? This relationship is not going to last for very
long. Remember the lady that I told you about? She's 26. That's a pressure right there came Mr.
Wrong and no one womanizer and no alcoholic proposes. She accepts the proposal and what happens? The
		

			marriage lasts for two and a half months. That's all that happened. If a decade has already passed,
and still the people are pressurizing if none of the pattern has realized the mistake and others are
still pressurizing them to go on with this manage, then what would you suggest? Yeah, see, that is
one thing here about this. People may suggest, but by the end of the day, we would hope that choice
is still ours. And that's one thing that we want to stress to our Muslim community. Marriage is not
something that you push people into you as a parent may feel that this is a great guy. Or you as a
parent may feel that this is a great girl. But unless that greatness is seen by your daughter or by
		

			your son, you should not push your children into it. And that is why in the Hadith, the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, when that young woman she came and she said prophet of Allah, look into
my father and what he has done. He
		

			is trying to marry me to this guy, Dr. fabbi has he set her home, because my father wants to elevate
his status in the community, he wants me to marry this guy, even though this guy, I don't want to
marry him, I do not want to marry this guy. So do not push people to marry people that they do not
want to be married. And I say this to all the Muslim community out there, marriage is something that
is beautiful. You want your daughter to be happy, you want your son to be happy, you cannot force
something like this into them. Otherwise, this is a recipe for disaster. And instead of creating a
happy marriage, you are almost determining a miserable life for your daughter and for yourself. So
		

			do not you can suggest, but the ultimate decision, the ultimate choice must be made by the person
who is directly involved into this, the boy or the girl. Sister has a question. You spoke of
readiness for marriage. But you know, most elders that we speak to they tell us that you will never
feel ready for marriage. So take the plunge and you will learn to swim once you're in the water.
What would you comment about that? You know, I mean? Yes. And again, remember, what is strange about
this is that there is no formula that fits all. But there are two things, at least on paper that we
want to see. We want to see a person of reasonable age, as well as a reasonable amount of maturity.
		

			maturity is very important for the goodness of the marriage. And some maturity comes with age, some
maturity comes with life experiences, but there is a minimum amount of maturity that is required to
make a person ready for marriage. And that's why we say every woman can become what every woman can
become a mother. Right? Every woman can become a mother. But it takes somebody very special to
become a mom, every man and become a father. But it takes somebody who is mature to become a dad. We
just don't want fathers and mothers. We want dads and we want moms. So we're talking about there is
a certain level of maturity that must be there to say that you know what? Such and such person is
		

			ready to get married. But we do have a section on this topic as well. Well, how much say does the
girl have with regard to refusal of proposal? Will it be disobedient to parents, and as often the
example of a primary ceramic coated of changing the doorsteps people remember this? You know
sometimes and I think we spoke about this the other day when people misuse and abuse religion. Okay,
because Ibrahim alayhis salam came the story that is cited, Abraham master Salam came and he visited
his service Marine, his mother, his wife came out of the door, he inquired about their situation.
She said, we're doing terrible, and things are not going very well. Ever he meets his son and tells
		

			his son to please go ahead and divorce your wife. If my father is Ibrahim alayhi salam, and he tells
me this, I will listen to him. But our parents are not Ibrahim alayhis. Salam,
		

			they really are not. They're not Ibrahim alayhis salam. So what happens is when people use and they
cite these examples, fine, it's a good example. But that was Ibraheem alehissalaam. So you cannot
tell me on the basis that summer he listened to his father. Now you have to listen to me. I say
that's a bit of a stretch out there. So how much say that she have in this? She has all the say. I
mean, this is a lifetime commitment. Nobody should decide something like this on your behalf. They
can suggest they can recommend they can really push it. But then by the end of the day, if you do
not willingly say yes. Why do we require witnesses in the nickel ceremony? Why are the witnesses
		

			there? And that's all the time that we have for this episode. And inshallah we will meet with you
again next time and next time we are on. We're hoping that you will join us again, until we meet we
say so long and Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.