Yasmin Mogahed – Why Do We Experience Pain In Life?

			The first thing we have to understand before we talk about transforming a broken heart. But not only
that, but transforming through a broken heart. Right? So I'll explain what I mean by that. But the
first thing we have to understand is why do we experience pain in life? Because this is one of the
hardest questions to answer. You know, and a lot of people get lost in that question, why is this
happening to me? Or why did this have to happen? You know, it's not fair. You know, we sometimes get
stuck in the why, right? And when we get stuck in that, why we can't move forward. So I think it's
very important that we have an understanding of what cane is and why do we experience pain? First
		

			and foremost, we know from an Islamic perspective, we know as believers that this life is not
perfect that this life is not Jenna. And rather, this life is a is a period of a temporary period of
test for us. Now, when we say that this life is a test, we also should not misunderstand that word
because sometimes when people hear, you know, when they learn the idea that this life is a test, but
then they think that it's a test in the sense of
		

			life, like like a professor tests you right? So when a professor tests you, he or she gives you a
test, steps back doesn't give you any help, and doesn't know how you're going to do right until they
see the test. Well, Allah subhanaw taala his tests are not like that. Number one, and this is
essential, is that Allah Subhana Allah, Allah is with us in our tests, Allah does not go away while
we're being tested and just leave us to ourselves. The only time we are left to ourselves during a
hardship is if we leave Allah subhana wa Tada. If we close the door on Allah subhana wa tada if we
distance ourselves from Allah, but Allah will never leave us, unless we choose to leave Allah
		

			subhana wa Tada. So the the first sort of,
		

			like unlearning, that we have to do when I understand the idea of a test is that Allah doesn't leave
you in your test, just for you to depend on yourself. And then he steps back and sees what you're
going to do. Rather, Allah subhanaw taala is with us in that test. And without the help of Allah
subhana wa, tada, absolutely no one, no one could ever pass this test, nobody could be successful
without the help of Allah subhanaw taala. So the first mistake, when we when we, when we're dealing
with a broken heart, when we're dealing with pain, is that we depend on ourselves. This is the first
mistake that people make even very religious people, even very spiritual people, even very
		

			practicing people will sometimes misunderstand the idea of being tested, and think that they have to
depend on themselves. So many people will harden up, this is also one of the coping mechanisms that
people will employ in order to sort of deal with the test. So what they'll do is they'll harden up,
they'll, they'll depend on themselves, they'll, you know, they'll, you know, they'll be like, Okay,
this is a test, I can't show any emotion, I have to be strong, right. And, of course, the false
definition of strong usually means I have to feel nothing, I have to show no emotion, I have to be
stoic about this. Otherwise, I'm not being patient. So these are all concepts, I covered more in
		

			depth in the course. But the idea here is that one of the biggest mistakes that we make, and one of
the the main reasons why we actually cause further suffering to ourselves, is that we depend on
ourselves when we are going through our difficulties. We think that Allah is testing me and
therefore I need to depend on myself, I need to harden up, you know, there's this idea of sub being
equated with a heart hardness, right? That I don't cry, I don't show sadness, I don't show emotion.
These are all false concepts of sub. And so to understand that actually, number one, Allah is with
us in our hardship that the test itself, we are not left to ourselves unless we leave Allah subhanaw
		

			taala