Take Back ControlĂ‚Â
Yasmin Mogahed – Detox – How to Break Unhealthy Patterns
AI: Summary ©
The host of a webinar discusses the importance of breaking unhealthy patterns and taking control of one's attachment style, avoiding engulfment and losing independence in relationships, and worshipping one's life. The course is online and offers a QR code for registration. The speaker emphasizes the need for individuals to pray and acknowledge the potential for transformation through practice, specifically through praying and understanding that pain is a feeling that can be measured and addressed through various methods. The course on transformational behavior helps individuals live their dream life, and a QR code is offered for registration.
AI: Summary ©
If you're returning in Chatelet today to our second and final webinar with a Maghrib Institute and is mbsp Majah head for transformed online, her limited edition online class that is closing in sha Allah tonight. So definitely less than 24 hours depending on when we were watching this it could also be already closed if you're watching in the recording. I see that that's a promising sound that you guys are now able to hear and see us if you are please say your silabs in the chat. Let us know where you're coming in from and if you had joined us yesterday as well for our session on overcoming and managing stress. I see the number of people that are joining is increasing so welcome welcome
welcome to all of you who are coming in either for the first time or returning and welcome back I see some familiar names as well Masha Allah, welcome to Sonoma Rahmatullah Hussey. Where are you coming in from? Sumi coming in from California Mashallah. So it's around noon for you. Shafiq welcome Osama dilla Divakar where you coming in from mashallah interesting name Rahima from Utah, beautiful. Anyone coming in? I see bush for coming in from Belgium Mashallah. Please forgive me if I butcher anybody's name that is not my intention. Welcome. It's nice to see you guys. My name is Mr. Hafsa. From amalgam Institute. In sha Allah, I'm going to see those of you who've already registered
for transformed online and your student portal as we go through the experience of taking the course on principles of spiritual development with SLDS coming together. Shafiq from India Good to hear I think that's very late in the day for you. The topic today for those who can't see in the title or the description. The topic today is detox, how to break unhealthy patterns and take back control. A lot of the course transform that Asana teaches is really about really invigorating you and giving you the skills and the techniques to manage your life and manage the things that are maybe not as healthy especially in your kind of personal relationships and your relationship with yourself and
your relationship with Allah and those around you. And I've heard that and I can't wait for us to talk about detox today in sha Allah and how to break those unhealthy battery patterns in your lives. Somalia in the house, I saw some people from Somalia were registered for the class so I'm looking forward to seeing you whether insha Allah in the class as well. Shaheed coming in from Bangladesh, Libya as well Masha Allah, Who else do I see Italy? Mauritania is we have Mauritius and the house I'm curious I always mix up Mauritius and Mauritania so it'll be nice to have both of you here. Bashir coming in from Ghana and Ethiopia as well Pakistan Jordan, UK Morocco Bosnia Herzegovina.
It's amazing Oh, Mashallah. Let me I know where you are in the future coming in from London. So nice to see the entire kind of global community in support. I was other yes mean and among your students as well. Hendon Illa joining us for today's webinar, this is going to be the final webinar that we have. With us it is mean for a minute, so take advantage of the next 30 plus minutes Inshallah, that she is with us. And of course, if you're benefiting from this content, if you love the way that she teaches, if you love the content, and the topics that we're covering today, please make sure that you register in the link that you see on screen a Maghrib dot online forward slash transformed.
There's a QR code as well if you're watching on your laptop, you want to be lazy, you can pull it up on your phone, and of course it's in the description of every video and then your chats as well South Africa we see you now I don't want to take any more time I want to benefit like we did yesterday I claimed that Allah with this data in the house, so I see that she's with us a Salam o aleikum wa rahmatullah who are about to get to study. Yes. mean how are you doing today?
Oh, you just frozen on us? Real quick. I think we'll have you back in just a second. I know. We had a little bit of that happened just a couple of minutes ago and we were doing a test and I think I see you the Smilla There we are. Take to a Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah How you doing this other? One a common Salam. I'm doing well. Can you see me and hear me? Okay. Yes. So hamdulillah Yes. Okay. So I'm doing well. Okay. I'm glad I'm glad to hear that I don't want to take by the way I just Just decide point we saw that shared the picture of the fallen tree with us yesterday in the chat. And I was like, I was scared for you. Subhanallah that tree was like, I think that the this the base of
the tree was the size of several humans just from the way that it looked like in the picture. Mashallah. So, I'm just very grateful. I'm glad that you and your family are safe. And that timing Subhanallah that you are away from, from that kind of traumatic experience. But I've hamdulillah Today we are covering detox, how to break unhealthy patterns and take back control so so that I'm very excited for this topic. I'm sure everyone in the chat is as well. So just as we're starting off everyone who's with us, please make sure like yesterday, you share everything that you share this link in your chats, your whatsapp, your telegrams, your whatever social media that you use, the
others can benefit as well and you can get some free Azure. And I said I'm gonna pass it to you to start myself.
Thank you. Thank you very much semi-naked Everyone out of the 90 Minute shape on a regime. The Smilla Rahmanir Rahim wa salatu salam ala Rasulillah while earlier Sofia Jemaine, from the shura Hiya, Saudi we are still in the Omri wangler octus an understanding of common Kali
So today, our topic is one that I think everyone can relate to. This is about how we can start to sort of break a lot of our unhealthy patterns. In order to talk about this, this particular topic, we need to understand a different type of concepts. So, in the psychological literature, we hear a lot about different types of attachment styles. So we're taught in, you know, in a lot of this literature, that as children, for example, we develop attachments to our parents, and there are different types of attachments. So, generally psychologists talk about something called a secure attachment, and then there are various types of insecure attachments. So, they talk about a secure
attachment is when a child has a healthy bond with the caretaker, and that this secure attachment ends up becoming sort of the
the foundation for all future relationships being more healthy for that individual. And then there are different types of insecure attachments, there are the avoidant type of attachment or the anxious attachment. And basically what this is talking about is the anxious attachment style is a type of person who sort of in in collect colloquial sort of lingo, we would call them very needy, these are individuals who are very, sort of have a fear of abandonment, they have a fear of, of basically being hurt or if people leaving them and so they they would call this type of attachment style, an anxious attachment style or an anxiously anxious attachment, anxious attached. And then
you have another type of attachment style that psychologists talk about, which is the the avoidant attachment style, avoidant are individuals who really, really value their independence to the extent that they, they don't, sometimes they might actually put up a lot of guards and aren't that comfortable with vulnerability or intimacy and intimacy here, not just talking about physical intimacy, but also talking about emotional intimacy. So these are individuals who, the way in which they would deal with stress would be more to shut down to more to pull away. And so psychologists talk about how some of these dynamics ended up playing out in relationships. So oftentimes, for
whatever reason, people who have an anxious attachment style tend to end up with people with an avoidant attachment style, and it kind of creates this sort of very difficult dynamic where one person is sort of chasing the other the other person is pulling away. And what that does is it unfortunately, it can, it can actually add to the, the fears that these both these individuals have, because for a person with anxious attachment, they're afraid of being let's be left, right, they're afraid of abandonment, whereas people with avoidant attachment
I think unless it's just from my end, we may have lost this other just for a second. So she's gonna reconnect with us just now. And I see you back with us this data, welcome back. Oh, good. Okay, good, how long did you lose me like literally seven seconds, okay, all right. So, so, so, basically speaking about So, the biggest fear for a person with an anxious attachment style is abandonment, right, but the biggest fear for a person with an anxious attachment style is engulfment or losing their independence, the feeling of being controlled by another person. And so, what happens is that sometimes this dynamic can kind of bring out more of those fears in each type of individual. Now,
when we talk about attachments in a spiritual sort of context, like for example, the way that I speak about attachments in in my book, reclaim your heart, and in my new book healing the emptiness and in the class transform, so, I talk about attachments in a little bit of a different way. So, the definition here is important, when I talk about attachments, what I am referring to is not this type of you know for example, secure attachment to a parent or a secure attachment in a relationship or rather I am talking about different types of insecure or another way to understand this unhealthy attachments and in a spiritual sort of perspective or context, that is referring to unhealthy
attachments, unhappy attachments in the spiritual realm. So this is what happens when we
He become dependent on the creation in the way that we should become dependent on the Creator. So this is a little bit different discussion, in terms of the, you know, in the, in the context of attachments.
Why is this so important? The reason this is so important is, there is a very fundamental human principle, there's a very fundamental principle in life. And that is, whatever you put at your center becomes your master. So how that plays out is, if you look at the human heart now talking about the spiritual heart, because when you look at the human heart, we,
if you look at the very core of the spiritual heart, that is the place where a person would put what matters most to them. This is essentially the place where we put an ILA now, and Isla is something that we don't just pray, to, we don't just adore, but an ILA is essentially our center of our lives and our center of our hearts. So everyone has some sort of any that everyone has a center in their life, everyone has an idol sorts of state, in a sense, where even a person who doesn't believe in God still has a center in their life. So even a person who is an atheist, even a person who is an agnostic, still has something that they worship. And when I say worship, I don't mean that they are
praying to this thing. I mean, that they are putting this thing at their center at their core. So for some people, their center is it can be money, it can be power, it can be status.
Recently, I think, you know, there are certain things that in our culture today we've taken as our center, and it isn't God. It isn't a God centered existence that we're living in right now. It isn't a God centered culture, it isn't a God centered life, that the vast majority of humans on this earth are living right now. So what are some of the things that people are putting at their center, like I mentioned a few. Money is a big one, you know, where a person he doesn't, he or she doesn't need to make a statue out of money to worship money, but rather to live your life in such a way that money becomes your focal point that money becomes the most important thing to you. That is a type of
worship. So you're putting money at your center, the center of your life and the center of your heart. That is a type of worship that becomes a type of ILA you know when we when we say, you know, the core or the foundation of our deen is La ilaha illa that there is nothing worthy of being any law except for God. So in other words, there's nothing worthy of being at my center
I think we've just lost her skill at one second inshallah and she'll be right back with us. Just like love everyone for your patience and hopefully, you're benefiting so far from the gems that Masada has shared thus far in this session. If you want to hear a lot more Hello friends formed online has been professionally recorded and edited so there's no Wi Fi or internet connection to worry about it is a complete online course and seminar that speaks about everything that was others discussing and far more depth and covers a myriad of topics if you're interested to know more please head over to Mr. Gupta online forward slash transformed and inshallah there's a lot more details for
you there and I see you sada is back with us this minute.
And so when I declare that either had a Mullah, I am declaring that nothing else has that right over me to be my center to be my ILA. Not money, not status, not my career, not power. And so when we look at the sort of our modern day life, what are some of the things that many of us have started to put at our center? What are some of the unhealthy attachments that we have in our life? Well as a society, I think there are certain things that you that were almost encouraged to worship. One of them one of the top of the list now in the current society that we live in, especially in Western society, is something called howa, what is hella? Allah in the Quran is basically defined as one's
own desires, one's own inclination, one's own orientation, one's own opinions. This is all
These things fall under the umbrella term, however, and Allah subhanaw taala warns us in the Quran about worshipping our houses, because when a person worships their own lower desire or their own, you know, we have our own opinions, we have our own inclinations as human beings we have our own directions that that our neffs might lead us to every human being has desires, every human being has inclinations and orientations and and these change over time. But if we worship these things, if these things become our ultimate guiding force, that is when we become destroyed. And Allah subhanaw taala warns us against doing that. He says in the Quran, do you see the one who takes his howa as
his ILA? This is in surah Al Jaffe, do you see the one who takes his Hauer his desires, his inclinations, his orientations, his opinions, as his God, that individual becomes blinded, that individual becomes lost. So Allah warns us against taking our helwa as our ILA. Another sort of common ILA that we see in our societies today is the law of fame, fame and power. So especially in you know, I'd say her, the, the, the, the, the new generations, one of the most important things has become become famous, right. And so there's this big push to do whatever it takes to become famous. And people do crazy things, they'll do anything, to just get followers, to just get likes to get
people to see them to, to get people to know them. And so this push for fame has almost become an idol. These are all different types of on healthy attachments. Because at the end of the day, we were created with a heart that was only made to worship God, it was not made to worship money, it was not made to worship status, it was not made to worship our own desires, and it was not made to worship thing. And if we worship any of these other things, we actually break our own hearts. This is the reason why ultimately, at a very, very deep level, human beings suffer. So suffering is something that is, is is almost optional, we decide whether or not we will continue to contribute to
our own suffering. Now, hardships definitely will occur in our life. Pain is inevitable in this life, like suffering doesn't have to be. And sometimes our own suffering is actually caused by our unhealthy attachments. So if a person takes money, or if a person takes their own desires, the person takes the pursuit of fame, and, and status as their focal point in life as what they're living for as what their drive their, their their most intense driving force. If someone lives that way, that person will actually cause their own suffering. So one analogy I use in the course, is like taking your car to the gas station, right. And while you're at the gas station, you realize,
you know, gas is really expensive. I don't want to put gas in the car instead of orange juice. So you decide, okay, I'm gonna save some money, I'm gonna put orange juice in my car instead of gasoline or petrol, whatever it's called in your particular region. And now what have you done to the car? Well, you may have saved money, but you've just broken your car. And the reason for that is that the manufacturer of the car, created it in such a way that only one type of thing goes in that gas tank. And if you put anything else in that gas tank, you break the car. This is what happens to the human heart. So the human heart, think of it as this tank, right? And it's a tank that is
created by Allah. And that tank is created by Allah to only be able to handle one thing at its core. So in other words, our hearts were created to only be able to handle so hate La ilaha illAllah. Our hearts the core of our heart, is only designed to be able to take God as its center, God as its ILA and if we take something other than God, and start to worship it or
Love it or fear it, as we should only worship love, or fear God, it actually breaks us, it breaks the heart, and it breaks the soul and the spirit of that individual, and it causes unbelievable, unbelievable amounts of suffering. So essentially, the root cause of suffering is taking something other than God, and loving it, as we should only love God, or attaching to it, as we should only attach to God or, or obeying it, as we should only obey God. So when we obey our desires, as we should only obey God, we suffer, and the society suffers, because our desires can be all over the place. A person can have a violent inclination, does that mean that they should obey that violent
inclination? A person can have any sort of inclination, may want something that doesn't belong to them, or may want something in a way that is immoral? So do we obey these desires? And if we do, not only do we hurt and destroy ourselves? Are we hurting we destroy society. So ultimately, destruction and suffering at an individual level, and a societal level comes essentially, from putting anything other than God at the center of our lives, or at the center of our hearts. It's orange juice in the gas tank. And so what I teach in this course, and transformed is I teach people, practically I actually go through step by step, teaching people how to ascertain what their unhealthy attachments
are, because everyone is different, you know, one person might have a certain type of attachment to money, another person might have a certain type of attachment to what other people think some other person might have an attachment to status, or to power or to fate. And there's another type of attachment that many of us have, that can be very unhealthy, and no one tells us this, right? And one of them is our attachment to our own children. This is one that a lot of people suffer from. And yet nobody understands. Many people don't understand why they're suffering. So we can actually become attached to our own child in a way that is extremely unhealthy. Similarly, we can become
attached to our own spouse, to our own parents, to our own siblings, to any human being in a way that is unhealthy, even when that human being is halal. First of all, right, so Allah subhanaw taala tells us in sort of at Toba, for example, and this is one of those, one of the the modules where I that I teach in this course, is smoking at this very profound end. So it's a tilde, where Allah subhanaw taala, lists all of these things that are perfectly valid. Right, so he lists you know, eight different things that are perfectly Hallett putting kind of that abna Allah begins by saying, say, if your parents, your fathers, fathers, meaning your parents, or your children, or your
spouse's, or your siblings, or your relatives, or your business where you fear decline, or your dwelling your home, if any of these things, this is where Allah warns us now keep in mind, Allah has just listed all Halal things right? Is it haram to love your spouse is it haram to love your parents, your children, your your your siblings, your business, your home, but here's where he warns us. He says, If any one of those things, he says a habit they come you know law he was truly
a habit les Coleman Allah He was truly what he had in Pisa. D so Allah says that if any of these ll things are more beloved to you, then Allah and His messenger and striving in His cause, that power our best power our best. So then, then wait. So Allah here that our bustle means to wait and then he says to wait until Allah brings about his decision. And when you think about what Allah is telling us in this area, and then Allah ends the area by saying he does not guide the defiantly disobedient. So what do we learn from this act? Here Allah subhanaw taala is not threatening but Allah is warning that if anyone takes any of these things, which will help to love and loves them, more than Allah or
even as they should love Allah and His messenger and striving in His cause, then that individual will
will suffer not because Allah is making them suffer. See, when we go back to the analogy, let's go back to the car that you put orange juice in, right? Whose fault is it? When you destroy that car? Can you go and say, You know what, it's Mercedes fault. It's it's Toyota's fault, right, the car isn't working. Horse fault is it that the car is broken. Now you can't go and Sue, man, the manufacturer, you can't go and say it's your fault, Toyota, my car is not working, it's broken. It's entirely the user's fault, because they did something to the car that the car wasn't able to handle. This is what happens when you take any other thing, whether that's your own child, whether that's
your money, Helen money, halal business, halal home, you know, your your spouse totally handled for you, your parents are so talented, love them. But if you take any of these things, and you put them in a wrong place in your heart, then you suffer. And this is really you know, so sometimes we hear this concept, and we're, and we're like, No, I love Allah Most right? But what we don't realize is that sometimes we are suffering, because we don't recognize that we have put something else at our center. And now sometimes the hardest thing is first figuring out what that is. And this is what I do in the course is I take people step by step, and and there's actually exercises where I take them
step by step, to actually start to introspect and to ascertain what are my unhealthy attachments? What have I done? Where have I put things out of place in my own heart? And then, of course, the second step is, how do I remove it? And we discussed that as well. We talk about how can we start to have healthier attachments to the things that we love, right? Because Islam doesn't tell you not to love your children, the sun doesn't tell you not to love your spouse, is that doesn't tell you, you can't have a career not to love your parents. Of course not. But it said teaches us how to love in a healthy way. And when we love in a healthy way, then that relationship becomes so much stronger, and
so much better for both parties. So when I just want to inshallah just give you an example of this, and then inshallah want to have time for q&a. So one example of this, that I see so prevalent, especially in many cultures, is to, to love our children in an unhealthy way. So a lot of times, especially mothers are taught that the moment that they have a child, especially when it's a son, that that child, that son is meant to become your center. And now you should sort of neglect yourself, even neglect your marriage sometimes neglect your, your your personal development, even your your Islamic Development.
Anything that has to do with anything outside of the child is meant to be neglected, for the sake of the child. Now that may sound really loving, that may sound really sacrificial, but it is in fact unhealthy. And when you do that, it actually, number one most important it takes away from the place that Allah is supposed to have. Because no human being is supposed to be your center, only Allah supposed to be yourself. So your child, your son is not supposed to be your Qibla. Right, he is not supposed to be your sort of your, your, your your Kabah that you do pull off around. I've seen this over and over and over where you'll have this dynamic where especially the son sort of becomes the
mother's center, and she just wants to walk around him his entire life. And of course, what happens is that as he grows up, and now when he's ready to have his own family and to get married, a lot of times the mother isn't able to let go. And so it becomes another it's sort of an unhealthy dynamic from the beginning. It gets transferred to a different type of unhealthy dynamic where now you sometimes see this competitiveness between the mother in law and the wife. And there isn't supposed to be that type of competitiveness, because they're in entirely different categories. Why would there be a competitiveness? I mean, it's one thing if we're talking about two people in the same
category, right? But you're talking about two entirely different categories, the mother and the wife. And the fact that there becomes a competition between them means that there's something unhealthy at the root, something unhealthy in the attachment. And a lot of times that's because this son was at the center in a way that was very unhealthy that Allah should have been, Allah should have been your center, not your son, not your child. And you are
aren't supposed to sacrifice everything and lose balance as soon as you become a mother. So really it's about and what transformed is about is about how, how to practically live our lives in an Islamic spiritual way that balances all of these things that we learn to love our families, our parents, our spouse, our children, even our careers, even our money, even our homes, our business, everything, but in a healthy way, where Allah subhanaw taala has his rightful place in our hearts and in our lives. And only then can everything else take its rightful place. And only then can you actually do justice to all of the other parts of your life, the thing that you will find when you
have when you have an unhealthy attachment to one thing is that by definition, listen carefully, by definition, you will do injustice to other things. So if you have, for example, an unhealthy attachment to your career, you will, by definition, do injustice to your family. If you have an unhealthy attachment to your son, you will by definition, do injustice to his wife when he grows up or to your own husband, when you are not giving your husband and his right because, for example, the mother is sleeping next to the child while the husband sleeps alone in another room. So you see that anytime there is an unhealthy attachment, you will by definition, do injustice to your other
responsibilities. And we know in Islam, that
it is a deen that teaches justice. And Allah subhanaw taala asks us to be just and Allah tells us that we have responsibilities, and we don't just have one, but we have responsibilities and and rights upon upon us and upon others, right, we have a responsibility to ourselves to our bodies. You know, if you have an unhealthy attachment to maybe making money, you might end up taking away the rights of your body, the rights of your own health, the rights of yourself upon you, because you're working, you know, you're a workaholic. And so you're actually depriving or being unjust to yourself, because of this unhealthy attachment to making money, or having an unhealthy attachment to
status. And because you're, you're you're chasing that or having an unhealthy attachment to what people think will make you do injustice. For example, when you have a child when you have a daughter who's being abused, and she comes to you and tells you that she's being abused, and you tell her to go back to her abusive husband, because you don't want society to say she's divorced. So you're more concerned about what people think, than the safety of your own daughter. And this comes from an unhealthy attachment. So any unhealthy attachment will by definition, cause suffering to yourself to others and to the society, and it will always make you unjust. And so really the only way to try to
strive towards balance and strive towards justice is to only have a light at the center and not have any other thing competing with Allah subhanaw taala in our hearts or in our lives, acquitting Holy * that was Dr. Romani. Lakhan innovaphone Rahim. Subhanak Elohim Dec eyeshadow, nebula Hela and Sakurako to like,
just like Allah Farah sada Subhan Allah I feel like, no matter how many times I take the course you realize after after a period of time, you started to get complacent again. And then you think now that you hit every single category, you know, job, friends, family, every relationship and all that kind of stuff, you start to realize that not a lot, there's something I've been letting slip, and there's an unhealthy attachment I have to tackle but does that go left there for being so you know, like thorough martial law in your examples, and what I really appreciate about this course I think I mentioned this previously as well is that it really helps to have it seems like oversimplification,
like the orange juice and the gas tank and that the walk around the child, but it really helps you to encapsulate exactly what the issue is and exactly how weird or strange it is that you're putting this thing in the center of your heart. It's just as strange as if you were to do this you know, equally strange acts of hon Allah, I really appreciate that we that you the way that you dumb it down and also, you know, make it a lot more relatable for us as an audience. For those who are joining us just a reminder that transformed is actually closing tonight. So the urgency is, is past due especially if you're watching this in the recording it may already have been closed. So make
sure that you take the opportunity while you're listening to go over to another app dot online forward slash transformed and make sure that you register if you have any questions you have some answers there on the page and there's an amazing team ready to support you as well with your registration but make sure you don't lose this opportunity because it doesn't come by often so that I know we have some limited time available inshallah for questions I know we won't be able to tackle all of them but we'll take a few inshallah from those that have been submit
did in the chat, those of you who are listening, please feel free to drop them in the chat, wherever you're listening from Facebook or YouTube. And we'll try to take a few before we close off today in sha Allah, the first question that I have is, how can I assess that Allah is my pain? And I don't have any any healthy, unhealthy attachments? So just repeat that? How can I assess that Allah is my pain, and I don't have any unhealthy attachments?
So I'm assuming that the question is basically asking, How do I know if Allah is at my center or something else? Right? And generally, that's what the question is. And a lot of people have this question. That's why I actually go through these steps in the course. So I take students through the practical process of looking at their own lives, and asking themselves some very difficult questions that a lot of us, actually, you know, the interesting thing is some of these questions are
there obvious, but we don't understand why these things happen. And so what I do is I try to make people look at their own lives, and ask these questions to themselves that end up bringing them to what it is that they could be putting, what's their orange juice, essentially, that they're putting in their gassing? So I'll just give you one of the questions that I share. And I have several questions that I go through in the modules in the course. But one of them is what makes me cry most. What makes me cry most. And you know, if you look at your life, and what causes me the most pain, essentially, if you look at your life, and this, this answers your question as well. Oh, I know that
Allah is at my center and not something else. Well, the answer is that how does the car know that orange juice is inside the tank or gasoline? And the answer is the car knows. Right? The car feels that the car is gonna know. It's gonna cause a lot of pain to the car. If the car had a voice. At that point, when you poured the orange juice in it would scream, right? You'd be like, What did you just do to me? Right? It's like a person who drinks gasoline, for example. And the let's flip, flip the analogy. Okay. So the car needs gasoline and not orange juice. Human beings can drink orange juice, but not gasoline right. Now. How do we what happens if we were to flip it? What what would
happen if a human being accidentally drink orange juice in our sorry, accidentally drink gasoline instead of orange juice? How would we know? What's the answer, you're going to know you're going to know because you're going to be in excruciating pain, you're going to feel it. And that's what happens with our attachments. Your heart, lets to know, because you've just taken something and put it inside of you that wasn't meant to be there. The same way that if you were to drink gasoline, you would know you would feel it immediately. And so this is what happens with our unhealthy attachments, you'll know that you have an unhealthy attachment because you will be suffering, you
will feel extreme amounts of of pain, you will feel extreme amounts of anxiety, you will feel extreme amounts of torment, it will actually your heart will let you know that you put something in there that isn't meant to be there. Just like if you drink gasoline instead of orange juice. Beautiful. That's a great explanation actually, is that I think a lot of people are know that they're suffering, they know something's off, but they don't know why they're suffering. And I think what's worse is that we kind of unpack especially I like to focus on the heart and understanding that the motivations of the heart what makes it take what you know, you know, it's hard. There's a
whole module on the introduction to the heart and then we go into hardships and pain and then we go into relationships because it's a it's something that you have to build upon. So it's you have to understand yourself before you can heal yourself. And I think that's very crucial in this class.
Um, the next question that we have that's been submitted is How do I stop feeling guilty about my children not taking Islam seriously?
Well, I'm
kind of like children are a test and children are a blessing and Children are a gift and children are an Amana children are all of these things put together. However, one thing you have to remind yourself is just like Mohamed Salah Salem, he was told in Nicoletta Hedeman, that we're lacking Allah. Yeah, he might be a chef. He was told that indeed you do not guide whom you love. But indeed, Allah guides whom He wills. And so if Mohammed sai Selim could not have the power to guide his own uncle, than what about us, right. He was the best of creation and he could not guide His own uncle who he loved and he tried so hard to bring him to a snap. So on the one hand, we have to recognize
that we don't do the guidance. We cannot guide another person. We can only do our part which is what Muhammad sai Selim did, and what all the prophets is they did their part, right. They they call to Allah in the best way, but the guidance comes
from God, look at new holla he set up his own son did not believe. Look at little tiny Islam his own wife did not believe. So sometimes we are told, you know, I'm shown in, in the in the stories like Ibrahim Addison, his own father did not believe that Hamlet's I said on his own uncle did not believe right? So what we're taught by this is that is that we are we cannot guide and we are also not held responsible for another person's guidance. That's another point. Because if I don't have the power to guide another person, how is a login hold me accountable? What are we held accountable for as parents, for example, so Mohammed sigh sallam, he was held accountable for giving the
message. All the prophets were held accountable for giving the message but they were not held accountable for how many people and who believed in that message, or who accepted that that guidance. Similarly, as parents, we are held accountable for doing our part, to to hand that guidance to teach our children to suits to bring the message of Islam to the best of our ability to our children. So we we sort of have that role of Prophets, to bring the message to teach our children, but we are not responsible for what they do with it. Right, we can only do our part, and I advise you and myself and I remind you in myself, keep making dua to the one who can guide right he
isn't heavy, Allah isn't heavy. So keep don't lose hope either. Do your part. Don't beat yourself up. But don't lose hope either. And continue to make dua to Allah subhanaw taala to Allah to guide your children to guide you and your family and to keep you on the straight path because it's the karma is one of the hardest things to be firm and steadfast on the straight path. One of the daughters of the prophets I seldom that he would repeat regularly is yarmulke Levin Kullu a bit called the allergenic alternative of hearts or Turner of that which turns right because this something that is that keeps turning that the meaning of the word itself means that which turns so
the club itself it's nature's that it turns and it turns often and it turns easily. So we ask Allah and this is something the prophets I send them ask Allah Yamaka level and beyond reality, the alternative of hearts alternative of that which turns sheep, my heart firm on your deed. So we have to ask Allah subhanaw taala for that and ask for that for our children and ask Allah subhanaw taala for guidance. Yeah, can I will do a I can assign every single day, at least 17 times. We call out to Allah you alone do we worship? And you alone? Do we seek help from
easily explained this all that? Just a reminder, we're going to try and take a few more questions. But for those who don't we get their questions answered today, sincere apologies from our end, we're limited in time. But just a reminder that in the class friends forum, there are dedicated q&a sessions with Oosa. We've just scheduled the first couple of sessions I have left for October 26, and November 30, as well so that you guys can prepare for them, you can start submitting your questions ahead of time, you can think about them as you're going through the course content, and make sure that you get your thorough answers as well from Issa. So that's just a reminder that you
will have plenty of opportunity to get those asked and answered in dedicated sessions that are just focused on Q and A's. And to be honest, I benefit almost more sometimes from the Q and A's and even the class content, because of how some of the things that people are struggling through you never you can't even imagine how you navigate that until they ask it and I saw that you give us your guidance in terms of how to reframe, and how to actually tackle some of the most difficult experiences that we can have as human beings. I think the the q&a Actually, I personally love the q&a as well. Because what it is, is that it's about how people are taking the content from the
class, and then applying it. Because this is and this is one of the biggest things that I really, really try to focus on, is not just giving concepts that are just theoretical, but how do we live these concepts? How does this concept play out in my actual life, you know, in my, in my life, as a doctor, as a teacher, as a mother, as a wife, as a husband, you know, that we're actually living these things. So I also appreciate when people take the course they interact with the material, and then and then they come back with questions. And then we can really delve into like, making it very practical.
Yeah, I love that. And also that the questions are anonymous in that context. Nobody else gets to see who what, where, when, why we have to kind of guess, is this a female? Is this a brother speaking of sisters and being make sure we're answering the right person because this allows people to be a little bit more open as well and not to worry about their own like on social media right now. People have their Facebook in their YouTube profiles linked to this in the course it's all going to be a private experience. So that's beneficial as well, not to mention that you have a private community who's going through the same experience listening to the same content, you know,
present in this
namespaces have hamdulillah unable to support each other and that's my favorite thing and have done about the course as well. Another question that's been submitted is is negative thinking and overthinking from the shade lawn?
Well, very, very good question. We know that definitely there are different sources of thoughts right? So we are told that obviously shaitan he does whisper shaitan and his army whisper to us we asked for protection in the Quran, one of the sutras in the Quran, Sunita ness is asking specifically for protection from the west west of, of shaitan. Right, so put out the grab the nurse Milliken naskila investment shot really was was in harness and let the US recipe is good enough managing that your nest that, that we're asking for protection from the one who whispers in the chests of mankind, right, and he is, you know, he is the one who will whisper and then he'll
retreat. So the way shaitan works is that he'll plant the seed, and then he'll run away. That's his nature. And it's important to also note that this comes in the form of jinn and humans. So humans also do this, where you'll have a person who is really whispering, in a sense, to you to do something that is displeasing to Allah or something harmful, whatever it is, but they'll just sort of like, up until this sort of whisper it in the sense of they'll just suggest, right, oh, you know, just a suggestion, but then they make you think as if it was your idea, right? So and Wes Wesson kanessa, that the MO of shaitan, his, his, his mode of operating is to plant the seed and run away,
and or to just plant the West WESA to put it in our in our chest, human beings do the same thing, put the idea, put the suggestion in there, the media does this, right? You just you just plant the suggestion, and then you let the person think it was their idea. So definitely shaitan can, does whisper and can magnify our own whispering of our own neffs as well. And that, you know, that's the second source of course of West Lessa that Allah tells us in the Quran, that there's West Western that comes from, from shaitan then West Western connects right the one who whispers and then retreats, managing network nests from from jinn and human beings. And then he also tells us, that
there is the West when not Allah Muhammad was supposed to be enough so that that the neffs also whispers to us and Allah tells us this in the Quran as well, that he knows when that alarm will match was when the Hala canal in Santa Ana momento was supposed to be enough. So when I grew up, caribou, Illa human have been worried that indeed, we created mankind. And we know what his own neffs whispers to him, and we are closer to him than his own jugular vein. Allah says in this, this, this,
this area is telling us that our neffs also whispers, our own self, our own lower self can whisper and shaitan can also whisper. So to answer your question, yes, the overthinking. And definitely the negative thing, he can definitely be planted by shape on in his army, it can be planted by human beings, and it can be planted by our own neffs. So it can come from all these different sources, how do we protect ourselves from that? Again, that's an entire subject in the course, I talk about how we can have these sort of practical strategies that help us to navigate these problems, including mental health issues, including overthinking and other and how that plays out in our relationships.
I talk about this a lot, actually, in my new book, Healing the emptiness as well, and how the the negative thinking patterns that we have, so an entire section about negative thinking patterns, that sometimes it is a
it is as a as a result of Westwater and sometimes it is a result of our own neffs. And sometimes it can be a mental health issue as well. So there are there's a whole spectrum, right, we know that for example, within a mental health issues, there can be something called obsessive compulsive disorder, and obsessive compulsive anxiety disorder is something where a person is in fact, having these very
difficult obsessive thoughts and they are all consuming and they and they get in the way of normal functioning. So sometimes it requires therapy. Sometimes it could be made worse by Westminster. So it really depends on the situation. But all of these are relevant, you know, all of these can can affect us. It can be a mental health issue, it can be worse worse, it can be our neffs all of these bases have to be covered when we're talking about treatment.
Beautiful and I noticed as well that mashallah you have several lessons in your
module on hardships and pain just targeting depression and anxiety. Because I feel like that's something that a lot of people struggle with. And I think, you know, year by year, more and more people get diagnosed a larger percentage of the population. Was that that just decide track a little bit? I know you mentioned you've mentioned in the past that, you know, you're an empath, that this a lot of what you learn what you've taught, through your books, and through transformed online has been through your own lived experiences and hoping to kind of protect people from that pain. Is there any part of this course that's been really difficult to teach or any part of this course that,
you know, when it comes up again, and again, it's, it's something that was hard for you to kind of address or to formulate for, for people? Or is this something that you've kind of gotten used to, or you've become kind of accustomed to? Well, I think her honestly, for a very long time, one of the hardest questions for me, on a personal level, to answer and then to teach was, I under I had some sort of, I came to some sort of understanding about unhealthy attachments, you know, sort of through experience, etc, definitely through experience. And, and, but then I had a lot of trouble sort of defining it in a theoretical perspective. And then in a practical perspective, what's a healthy
relationships will still look like what's a healthy attachment supposed to look like. And I think I struggled with that for a long time, where,
you know, I understood on sort of the one extreme where you're like, Okay, this is an unhealthy attachment, but then how to love in a healthy way, and how to have like a healthy attachment to the things that we love, like our families, especially to people because I think a lot of individuals struggle most with their unhealthy attachments to people. And by the way, a lot of these struggles you find when you study psychology, a lot of these struggles, they're rooted in childhood issues, childhood trauma, sometimes through not having a secure attachment to a caregiver. So there's a lot of psychology mixed in there too. Because Allah subhana, Allah created us, Allah created our minds,
and Allah created our hearts and our souls, and we're all connected. So the psychology of it is important, too. But I think one of the hardest things for me, was after realizing, okay, what unhealthy attachments kind of look like? How do you then explain and teach and live healthy attachments? And I think that was probably one of the harder things to understand. And I and I had to talk, like, and I remember asking some, some shield about this question. I didn't really feel like I got an answer that was like that, that I could really say was like, Okay, this answered my question, you know, so I think that was something I really worked through. Okay. Subhanallah just
like looking for that thorough answer. A side point, as well. Um, is there any part of this course that you found to be the most that you get the best feedback about that people keep coming back to you and keep mentioning that specific analogy or that specific story that you mentioned? Or that specific point that changed their life? Yeah, I think it was, it would probably be the process of every of the Every Student
sort of figuring out their own unhealthy attachments. I think, I think a lot so many people are walking around and like I like like I mentioned before, contributing to their own suffering, and not understanding why. And I think that the, the, the module is about attachments and about what is an unhealthy attachment, what does it look like and then going into their own lives and practically sort of deconstructing their own pain and understanding what are my unhealthy attachments? And I think that becomes a lightbulb moment for a lot of people. And a lot of people have told me that you know, they took the class and hamdulillah it really changed their life because it it made them
diagnose why they were suffering. And and that's half of the cure, isn't it? Right diagnosis is half of the cure. So I think people going in to their own lives and seeing how this applies in their own life and then taking that you know, poor word and taking action on that really is what what I think was a really major game changer for people. Awesome sauce does that girl affair. I know we have very limited time left. I do want to remind everyone the course that we're talking about is transformed online with this other Yasmine, which I had that is closing tonight at midnight. So please make sure that you do if you're interested. Take advantage of the opportunity to register now at a McRib dot
online. The link is on the screen now we have these QR codes. I don't I don't know if you realize this though, that we didn't have these last year but we're fancy now Mashallah. So you can just see
where we made it to 2018.
And you can register or you can find out more information through there as well. Fair enough. We lost about three years in COVID. So
If
you were allowed, give us that. Just a final bit of advice, who's out there, if you have, if you were to speak to somebody who just goes up to you, and they without too much details, but they're going through a really, really tough time, they're experiencing a lot of pain, and they don't know where to start. And they don't know, you know, they feel like their relationship with the law is not strong enough for them to, to kind of start, you know, by asking him, what is the first thing that you would, excuse me, my voice is going what is the first thing that you would tell them to do?
Well, the first thing I would tell them to do, on a practical level is to get up at night before budget at to hedge your time and literally know, it doesn't need to be in any specific language, no formality, just turn to Allah and just talk to Allah. Just cry to Allah if you want, share whatever you want, just literally just ask a lot at that time. That is one of the most healing things that anybody can do, no matter what is the edge of time we're told in a Sofia. In a hadith klutzy that at the in the last third of the night. So the time just before measure, Allah subhanaw taala comes down to the nearest heaven, and he calls out looking for people who are calling out to him. And he says,
you know, who was calling out to me so I can I can respond to their call who is seeking forgiveness so I can forgive them who is asking for something so I can give it to them. So Allah comes and is looking for people at that time who are calling to him. So this is the most powerful thing that we can do.
In terms of our own healing, and, and, and strength and what that will do. Not only is it healing, but it's very strengthening. So if you know if you're going through something difficult in your life,
this is the training. This is the time when you when you're when you're getting the fuel and the strength to be able to do what you need to do during the day and Subhanallah if you look at the Sierra, you look at the Quran. This is exactly what Allah did for the prophets, I send them at the very, very beginning of his mission. He had a heavy mission, you know, like, like you got a big job to do. Right. So what did Allah say to him, Pullman, Leila Illa, Paulina. He told the prophets, I send them to stand and pray at night. So that standing and praying at night was what was going to give him the ability to handle the day to handle what he had to do in a day. And
Allah says this in the in the air, yeah, these are one of the first as we examine in certain depth, some of the very first revelation given to the Prophets, I said them are telling the prophet to stand and pray at night, because that was what was going to give him the ability, and this little Clearlake, a colon Sakina, we're going to send down on you a heavy word, like he's gonna have something heavy. And they're like, I don't know how to start a handful, we know that you have a lot to do in the day, you have, you have so much so when things are really heavy in the day, you know, when you have a lot, that the prescription, that that the that God gave to the prophets I send them
was pray at night. And that was for the prophets, I send them. So this is the same prescription for us. If you're going through a difficult time, if you're having, you know, a lot to carry during the day, pray at night.
Some final logistical affairs data that was a beautiful, beautiful reminder, I want to say one other thing I want to say one of the things
is that and this is so
I use this analogy as sort of the foundational analogy, in my recent book, Healing the emptiness and that is that if you're in pain, that pain, I liken it to a smoke alarm. So imagine that you're asleep, right? And you get woken up by this loud alarm system. Right? That smoke alarm is telling you one specific thing, which is there's a fire in your house, right? So similarly, if you're going through a lot of pain, that is the alarm system, that's an alarm waking you up out of your slumber. Okay? But what is that pain telling you that pain is telling you there's a fire somewhere in your life. And so just like if you are woken up from your sleep to hear a fire alarm, a smoke alarm, the
first thing you have to do is figure out where the fire is. So looking in your life for what is the source of the fire, because a lot of us spend so much effort so much time just trying to quiet the alarm, right just trying to numb the pain. So you might hear that alarm and you're like, you know what, I want to go back to sleep to just take out the batteries, but your house is still burning down. So what I would say to someone who is who is experiencing a lot of pain, you know, turn to Allah subhanaw taala as I said first and then figure out where the fire is. Where's the fire in your life and don't just take out the batteries.
Don't just numb it, but look for the source of the fire. Because if you're just trying to hide from it is not going to change the fact that you're that, that your house is burning down.
Subhan Allah, you know, I've heard that analogy from a medical professional recently as well. I can't say it as beautifully as you've summarized it as they did. But you know, pain is a good thing, because something is wrong, that needs to be fixed. If it continues, it can there can be much bigger consequences down the line, you know? Absolutely, absolutely. And that's what I tell you, I mean, a person who's who has a problem in their heart, like a heart patient, that the warning sign that you have, you know, for example, you have some,
some problem in your arteries, right you have, so you have blockage is that you're going to feel chest pain, so that chest pains, the alarm system, you know, you can pop pills and be like, I'm going to numb it, but you still have the problem, you haven't actually addressed the problem. So the pain itself is an alarm system, the pain is a is in fact a protection. It's an alarming it's alarm, because your smoke alarm is for your own protection is not there to drive you crazy, you know, it's annoying, but it's annoying in order to protect you. So it's the same thing about it's the same thing with pain. Beautifully said Subhan. Allah will close off in just a bit. Now I hear I just want
to give a final reminder, and I Just Want to Have you finally speak one one more time. This is meat I know this is the last opportunity we get to do this only once a year basically, about transformed and about the impact that it's already had. What is What do you like about this format that we teach the course in? Because it's not something it's not live, people don't have to attend at the same time, every you know, the entire class is not attending live, at the same time. It's all pre recorded, professionally filmed, edited, and stuff like that. So that it's available to everybody. Why do you like this format for teaching students? And what do you find beneficial in terms of the
way that you're able to benefit people over time. So you know, in the past, I taught this was my first course that I taught for a number of, you know, for several years, and in the past, it was very restricted, because I could only be in a specific city with a specific audience, a specific number of students teaching this material. And so it kind of limited, who I could reach and how many, how many lives we could really affect. But once I was able to put it in this format, the thing I really liked about it is that it doesn't limit to just one specific region, it's available globally. And the other thing that's really nice about it, is that you get lifetime access to it. So
I think a lot of people, you know, they they might like, Okay, I heard this at one point in my life. And maybe it didn't really apply to me, but maybe the next year, they really needed it, you know, and they can go back to that material, because it's lifetime access, they can also go at their own pace. And then I also like the access to the q&a is because you know, when you have that opportunity to interact with the material, but then you also I do these live q&a. So you can come to these, and you can ask your questions. And other people's questions are also very beneficial, as you mentioned, to listen to that and hear how you practically apply these concepts so that they're not just
theoretical, but they're their lived concepts. And, and I think also having access to to previous q&a, I think has also been very beneficial. So all of that put together, I think it really becomes it gives you this lifetime access at your own pace. And it doesn't limit to just specific regions. But it's, it's much more,
you just, you're just able to reach so many more lives. And that's what I really appreciate about it. I think it's an ideal learning environment, especially for people who are really busy nowadays who are too many things on their plate is it's on demand, it's at your own pace. So you can choose if you want to binge the entire course in a week, you can do that. If you want to take your time, you can go through module by module, you can revisit it with that lifetime maximum, you can revisit it exactly. And I think it also you have that community of other students who are on the same journey, I think that's also really beneficial directly encourages you to do the content. When
someone's talking about how Module Three really changed their life, you're like, dang, I gotta get to module three, so I can figure out how to change their life. So having an alliance and a really vibrant community. It's such a pleasure so that I have you teaching this class again with us and one that I cannot wait to interact with you in the student body. Inshallah in the course, before we close off, I'm going to just share a little bit more for those who are really curious, we're asking questions, were messaging us to hopefully answer some of the questions that you have going on? And then inshallah we'll close off for today's session. So finally, this is just your last call your
final reminder that transformed online with this other Yes, mean, it's closing tonight at midnight, that is October 13, Thursday, October 13. Please make sure that you head over to amalgam dot online, as soon as you register, you're gonna get access to the entire course. So you don't have to wait. You don't have to kind of you know, spend some time and see when the next module is going to be released. Inshallah, as soon as you sign up, you can have access to all four modules. You got dozens of lessons with this Allah taking you through the entire process of your transformation, and all of that you have lifetime access to as we just mentioned, so that you can come back and revisit it, no
matter what's going on in your life and handed out we also have live q&a
Is that are scheduled with her so that you are able to come consume the content and then come in and into a live environment as well and benefit and ask your questions and have others ask those as well. And those themselves are also recorded and available for lifetime access. So don't hesitate inshallah the course is closing super soon. All this interactive visual modules the live q&a session is a private member portal, the extra resources that we discussed in yesterday's session, guest speakers and bonus sessions, all of that is going to be at your fingertips as soon as you register so we hope to inshallah see you guys on the other side and benefit together as a community. And I
just want to shout out a friend that we have so many people just heard already from all parts of the global southern was just mentioning that, you know, you get to kind of unify the entire Ummah under these and teach everybody all this beneficial knowledge at once. So we've got Australia, Singapore, India, Pakistan, Maldives, Somalia, every single corner of the globe that was saying so that is in the chat and humbler you probably have somebody, a neighbor or a friend or somebody in your community or in your country that is registered and benefiting from the class as well. So inshallah you can be part of that community, that environment. Does that feel fair for being with us as other
once again, and for spending some time today discussing how to break unhealthy patterns and take back control and shall we look forward to navigate navigating and discussing that topic more in the class, but for now, we'll see you on the other side. We're now in Santa Monica and what I feel like you're dedicated why