Yasir Qadhi – Spousal Abuse Under Lockdown

			Tip number seven
		

			Zani hi dee
		

			dee
		

			dee doo
		

			Salam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
		

			oh,
		

			oh
		

			oh
		

			oh
		

			oh
		

			oh
		

			oh
		

			oh
		

			hi
		

			all
		

			Alhamdulillah all praises due to a loss of Hannah Horta Allah, to Whom belongs the dominion he
attends who had made for us the earth as a solid foundation. And he sent down to us the rain, and he
blessed us with fruits and vegetation. He created us from one man and one woman, and from the two of
them made many tribes and nations and he preferred the children of Adam over the rest of his
creation. He sent to us His chosen Prophet, the one of the praise worthy station to Allah and Allah
alone belongs our worship, obedience and supplication. Know that Allah subhana wa Taala has reminded
us to be conscious of him when he says in the Quran, yeah, Johan Latina, Morocco la hapa toccata
		

			wallet mo tuna illa Anta Muslim moon?
		

			Imagine do your brothers and sisters if one of you were to be given a priceless gift, an expensive
gift, a precious gift, a gift beyond measure. And that gift were delicate, and it brought you great
joy and comfort. How would you cherish and protect that gift? How would you treat that gift that was
		

			bestowed upon you
		

			know, dear Muslim that our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, the best near the best blessing
that any believer can be given after taqwa is to be blessed with a righteous spouse. A righteous
spouse is a blessing and gift from Allah subhanho wa Taala. A righteous spouse is a gift that makes
life easy, beautiful xuyen in us it is Xena. It is something that makes life beautiful and man who
will be known as he or she will hire to dunya and the spouses that Allah has blessed us with our men
to give comfort to our souls and a coolness of our eyes. Allah mentions that of his miracles is that
he has blessed us with spouses so that we can find Sakina Lita school no ha ha. Now, do you Muslims,
		

			we have heard many hood buzz about the blessings of spouses and about the good treatment of our
wives and why is good treatment of their husbands. But what we have to acknowledge is that this
pandemic, unfortunately, has brought out a nasty side in many people being cooped up in one house.
Being under locked down with your life partner has unfortunately brought out the worst in some
amongst us. And we are hearing across this country and frankly, across the globe, we are hearing of
so much more physical and mental abuse. We're hearing of marriages, on the break down on the verge
of breakdown or even breaking down in this pandemic. And it is high time that we remind ourselves of
		

			the responsibilities that each of these two partners has. Dear Muslims realize that our Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam seldom has shown us what it means to be the best of all husbands the
best of all humans. He has demonstrated in his life solo law, why they he was seldom what it means
to be a true believer and a true gentleman. We know that. The farewell hosted by that he gave five
paragraphs, one of them was dedicated to the treatment of women think about that. The last message
that he left us with only five paragraphs he gave in front of 100,000 men on the debt mountain out
of out of fats in the farewell pilgrimage and an entire paragraph he dedicated to the treatment of
		

			women he spoke because he's speaking to the men and he said to them, that all men be conscious of a
law it's a law here means Be conscious remember Allah subhana wa tada with regards to your women
folk. You will have to answer to a law you are accountable to Allah subhana wa tada with regards to
your women folk. And then he mentioned the name of Allah and the covenant meaning the * that he
says you have made them henna With the name of Allah. In other words, when we get married, we say
Bismillah Li ke tabula rasa de la. The marriage contract mentions the book of Allah, it mentions the
name of Allah, it's not a trivial thing. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam reminded us
		

			that we have to answer to Allah subhana wa tada for how we treat our women realized as well that our
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam was sent to a society and in an era where spousal abuse was the
norm, not the exception, where it was the norm that a husband physically disciplines his wife, this
was the culture of the time. And our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam never once lifted his hand
against any lady, our mother Ayesha swears by Allah, she gives us some a highlight of that will la
he, our Prophet says I'm never lifted his hand against a lady or against a servant. This was in a
society where it was rampant, it was common, it was the norm, but he demonstrated what it means. We
		

			all know of the incident that when men disciplined their wives, they complained to the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wasallam the profits are some gayborhood but the next day, and he spoke to the
men, and he said yesterday, ladies came to complain about how their husbands mistreated them. And
then he said, and the Hadith is in the books of the sunon. And then he said, these men ladies to be
here. They are not your best men. These are not the best men. If you cannot treat your women with
gentleness and kindness, then you are not the best men. Hi eurocom hydrocone la whiner hydro
chameleon. The best of you are those who are best to their families and I am the best to my family.
		

			The best men amongst you are those who are the best to their families and I am the best to my
family. The sign of a man and the sign of taqwa is to be kind and compassionate.
		

			It is especially to those who are surrounding you those who need you. And this is why dear Muslims,
it's so painful. All of us imams are hearing stories all of us. On the other side of the aisle,
we're hearing the realities of what is going on. And what it is painful to hear that, especially
because of this lockdown, men are becoming even more nasty. Now. It's a two way street. In terms of
being nasty, no doubt, men and women are totally equal. Under the law, we are equally human and
equally nasty potential. But do brothers. Yes, both husbands and wives can be mean. But when it
comes to abuse, generally speaking, the husbands because of their personalities, because they have
		

			the higher status in terms of finances, in terms of physical strength. In terms of abuse. Generally
speaking, men are more guilty than women in terms of you know, bad manners. Many women are equally
guilty. We are both human being. But in terms of abuse, crossing a red line, getting to something
that is downright unethical and an Islamic there is no question that both sides are guilty, but one
is guilty or than the other. And not because one is more nasty is because we are socially
economically privileged, because the woman generally speaking relies on the man for the house for
the rent for the groceries, generally speaking, the woman is the weaker * physically speaking. So
		

			when it comes to the potential for abuse, there is no question that men generally speaking, and
again, I'm not exonerating that women are all innocent, sometimes it is the other way around. But
generally speaking, it is the man who is more abusive. So we have to be very clear and speak out
against this entire endemic, systematic problem taking place, dear husbands, you will have to answer
to Allah subhana wa tada on the Day of Judgment. And Day of Judgment is important. It is very
important. But I asked you in all honesty, don't you want to live good lives in this world as well?
Of course, we have to answer to a line that's very important. But don't you want to have a happy
		

			marriage in this world? Don't you realize that as you give love you shall receive as you give
kindness, you shall receive it back. Also, dear parents, let me tell you another fact very bluntly
speaking, how many children when they grow up, they resent one of their parents because how they
treated the other parent, come and talk to any one of us. We will give you a horror stories. How
many young men and women they grow up and when they become adults, they never speak to their mother
or sometimes their father, depending on who was doing the abuse. And they say, oh, because they
treated the other spouse this way. I saw how my father treated my mother. I don't want anything to
		

			do with him. I get fatwas and questions all the time shares. My father did this and that I don't
want to have anything to do with him because of what he did you know, throughout our lives because
of how he treated us and my mother and whatnot. What do you expect us to do other than to remind
ourselves, Dear brothers, dear husbands, dear fathers, why would you do this to the very people that
are around you, they're your spouse, your children, as you give unto them You shall reap in this
world and also in the UK, as well. Our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said and Hadith is in was
sandymount, Mohamad in the heritage of Bari fain, I am consciously reminding you of the heck of two
		

			week categories of people. Number one, he said the team and number two he said the woman he put the
woman and the team as one and two, even though the woman is not in your team, the woman is an adult,
the woman is saying body ever after, but he put her number one your team number two woman why,
because generally speaking, a woman relies on her husband for food, for clothing for rent for
support. And if the husband becomes mean or nasty, if the husband, you know, becomes an evil person,
generally speaking, she finds it very difficult to maintain a normal sense of balance. Dear Muslims,
our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam specifically told husbands a long list of what not to do.
		

			And one of the things he said was to come back and do not make her feel nasty about herself. In our
modern psychological terms. We say this is called emotional abuse. Don't use nasty language that
will hurt her feelings. Don't use something that's vulgar because the woman is created to be loving
and tender. This is the default of a woman and a man can say something that will break a woman's
heart and the man will not even realize it the other way around. If a woman says something the man
can recover. I'm not saying it's justified, but I'm saying Allah created the two differently. The
hurt that a man's phrase can have is very different than the hurt a woman's phrase can having and
		

			that's why our Prophet system specifically mentioned one or two cup they don't choose Caribbean
language. Don't choose vulgar language, nasty language. If you become angry, be quiet, control your
anger and then discuss when the situation is better dear Muslims, our prophets
		

			Allahu alayhi wa sallam specifically commanded us he said, Let no believing man despise his wife
their believing woman. Let no man do this because and then he gave us basic human psychology. Listen
to this. If he doesn't like one thing about her, for sure he will like something about her. If he
does not like one thing, all of us are imperfect. think maybe your wife might have whatever,
sarcastic tongo whatever, okay, she must have a good thing that he appreciates about her. Nobody is
pure evil. Also, dear husband, just like your wife is tolerating. Just like you are tolerating your
wife, your wife is tolerating you. Just like your wife is not perfect. You two are not perfect. Just
		

			like you're nitpicking things with your wife. Your wife can also nitpick things with you. It's a two
way street. Nobody is made perfect. So our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is reminding us do
not hate a woman if you don't like one thing for sure you will like something else look at the
positives and then work with the negatives also dear Muslim realize karma to the you know to Dan as
you give you shall receive the more love you show. The more respect you show, the more dignity you
show, the more you shall receive. And in the end of the day, the two are not equal. We have to be
very clear here. We do not believe that yes, human wise Of course we are equal spiritually we are
		

			equal, but men have a certain responsibility and with responsibility comes as well that privilege
men have been given a certain matter that they have to be the ones that control their anger more.
Allah gave them that Potala. Arigato, Cava, Mona Lisa, men are the ones that are in the guardians of
women. What this means is that you're the one the buck stops with you. If your wife says something
nasty, you have to be the one controlling your anger, she might be excused, and she might get away
with it in the eyes of Allah, you are the one that has the highest responsibility. I'm not
justifying. Maybe if a wife goes beyond no doubt she has to also control but the two are not equal.
		

			You're the one that is in charge of maintaining the family, their buck stops with you
responsibilities in your hand. If you're going to stoop to the level of everybody else, the marriage
is gonna fall apart. You have to rise up, control your anger, be the loving, be the generous and
make dua to Allah insha Allah to Allah and also realize, dear Muslims, that our Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam demonstrated what it means to have the perfect marriage and the perfect marriage
does not mean that you never fight in his own life. sallallahu alayhi wa sallam minor Spats occurred
in his own life we were well aware one month went by and he had to leave the household and sleep in
		

			the masjid notice he slept in the masjid. He never abused his women. I was a builder. He never
kicked them out. If anger happened, he left the house he never ever said something nasty to any of
our mothers. He never told them to leave. When that when the situation became really bad. He left
the house and he slept in the masjid. A true husband never kicks his wife out, never forces his wife
to leave the house. If something gets really bad and nasty, and they're not going to sleep together.
The wife stays in the bedroom. The husband goes sleeps on the couch. If it's worse than this, the
husband goes guess the hotel or the masjid or whatever it might be as our Prophet salallahu alayhi
		

			wasallam did because the wife needs to be maintained her sanity her safety she is the one that is
taken care of like our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam demonstrated dear Muslims Allah says in
the Quran and with this we conclude our first hold but why should ruhuna bill Maloof treat your
women with maroof with kindness with equity, treat your women with kindness and equity. This is a
commandment of Allah and a commandment from his messenger as you give unto others you shall receive
May Allah subhana wa tada bless me and you will learn through the Quran and may make us of those who
is versus they understand and apply His commandments throughout our lifespan. As close forgiveness
		

			us will ask him for his love of food and the man
		

			Alhamdulillah all praises due to a law the one and the unique. He alone do we worship and it is his
aid that we seek. He is the Lord of the week and the one who responds to the call of the one who is
oppressed. Dear Muslims. One of our problems is that we don't know the techniques for solving
marital issues. Again, time is limited. I don't have time to go into a long list. But one of the
problems that I see and many of us see who are in leadership positions the community, one of the
biggest problems is male ego. Men do not they feel demeaned. If they get help from somebody. They
feel that if they're going to open up and talk about the marital problems is as if it's as if they
		

			have failed in life. And that's not the reality. A lot explicitly says in the Quran, that if there
is a problem between the husband and the wife, let the two of them bring in arbitration.
		

			Let the man find an arbitrator that let the woman find an arbitrator and let them open up to the
both. This is the Quranic methodology for solving marital problems. Our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam he saw a couple arguing and he got involved Hadith is in Bahati, he got involved and he said
she tried to bring them together because I just want to try to bring you together. How do you visit
Buhari, the famous editor buddy era he himself got involved when the profitsystem himself was having
issues Abu Bakar approached, Ayesha Omar approached his daughter hafsa they got involved to try to
bring them together again. If this is the case, back then how about me and you we you don't think we
		

			need help. There is nothing undignified about seeking help when we need it. There's nothing unmanly
about a man opening up going for therapy going for counseling going for arbitration. Allah says so
in the Quran, how could that be problematic? And in fact, this is the beauty dear Muslims, this is
the beauty that Allah says very clearly. And this is the most optimistic verse about marriage in the
Quran in UD the Islam when you have a la habana Houma if the two of them want reconciliation, if the
two of them wants to make the marriage work, this is about the husband and wife. If the two of them
want to come back together, Allah will bring a way for them to come back together. This is the
		

			guarantee in the Quran. The couples who want to be married successfully and happily, as long as they
both come to the table for arbitration. Allah says through the arbitration, I will bring them back
together again. Dear husbands, if your marriage is in shambles, and you don't know what to do, make
dua to Allah and then open up the door to close family, close friends, your cousins, your relatives,
family, friends that have known you for many years, you find an arbitrator, your wife finds an
arbitrator, and then the two of you sit down with them and you open up and you go over the specifics
and Allah has guaranteed in the Quran that if you want to make your marriage successful, then
		

			inshallah Tada. It will be successful. There's nothing wrong with getting help, it is what we do,
and also do Muslims and I'll finish with this point inshallah. If you see your own close family
friend or your own brother or your own cousin struggling in their marriage, then offer help like our
Prophet sallallahu wasallam said Don't be nosy Don't be intrusive, but just say hey, you know if you
want somebody to talk to you know my wife and I are here, we will be able to help offer your help
like our Prophet Sall Allahu alayhi wa sallam did, dear Muslims were undergoing a pandemic, we have
enough tension as it is. Every week people are dying. Look at the announcements every week we have a
		

			long list. We don't want to add to that tension, where I know we're at our wits end I know we're
stuck together and small things become big, but this is the time when we need to turn to Allah. Be
compassionate, be merciful. Let's not exacerbate the situation at home. Let's not make it worse.
Husbands and wives turn to one another. You're on the same team you're not enemies against one
another. You're on the same team in the eyes of Allah subhana wa Tada. Work together. be be be
merciful and compassionate. And know that as you give unto others you will be given back unto you
may Allah azza wa jal bless all of us in our marriages and our families. And remember that though
		

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dua that gives us from our families from our children that which will bring comfort to our eyes
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