Yaser Birjas – TaSeel #44
AI: Summary ©
The speakers emphasize the importance of moderation and moderation in relationships, avoiding unnecessary assumptions, and respecting women. They stress the need for everyone to learn the rules and set boundaries to avoid problems, and for men to prioritize their own interests and hold their own. The speakers also stress the importance of developing healthy behaviors and behaviors for women to avoid negative consequences and avoid suffering.
AI: Summary ©
I welcome you back to our tasil class.
We will continue insha'Allah from where we stopped
in Ramadan
from the book of Imam Abu Qudam,
talking about the refinement of character.
We were discussing
the family issues and husband and wife issues.
The chapter was on,
the etiquette of interaction between husband wife. We
came to point, I believe, number 6. Right?
Point number 6 in regards to the relationship
between husband wife, which is alatidaf and nafaka
will cause moderation.
Or, so number 5? Okay. So number 5,
Insha'Allah, we'll continue with number 5, Insha'Allah,
and that would be this point here observing
moderation, tidal and jealousy. Bismillah.
So,
the author mentions on the And
observing moderation,
in jealousy,
in,
for the wife. This means,
not being unmindful
of the first steps,
of a destructive end,
but not going overboard with suspicion.
Done.
Either.
Indeed the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam forbade
one from knocking
at the door of his wife at night
time.
Point number 5 in terms of interaction between
husband and wife, he goes, Alati Dalu Filira.
Over here. What does it mean exactly?
We talked about jealousy last time and how
is it important for husband and wife, of
course, to observe that,
in order for them to be protective over
the relationship, and that's a very natural thing.
It's very natural for a man to be
protective over his family and the wife is
also protective over her husband, so this is
very natural.
But everything has has, limits because even good
things, if you take too much of them,
it could cause you harm. Even drinking too
much water could hurt you. Eating halal and
tayeb food could also hurt you as well
too. So even when you exercise, for example,
you go over the fatigue point, for instance,
it also can hurt you. When it comes
to the subject of of of veera over
here or moderate jealousy, we could use the
word for it, moderate jealousy.
It is something that is a a Mahmood,
which means it's actually highly recommended to observe
in a relationship between a husband and wife.
Otherwise,
if the wife allows her husband to do
everything and anything because she has no jealousy
over his some of his interaction with the
with, for example, with the opposite gender or
things like that,
would probably ruin their relationship and ruin their
marriage.
Similarly, if the man would allow the same
thing between his wife and maybe other men
and so on, that could also lead to
ruin the relationship as well too. So, yeah,
it's a matter of protecting the relationship, that's
the meaning of haira over here, to be
protective over the boundaries of the relationship, but
now what boundaries are we talking about?
Are we talking about personal boundaries?
We're talking about boundaries are left by the
sharia. There is no doubt the boundaries are
what
has been laid to a foundation for us
in the sharia, the hir of Allah
Otherwise, if this is left for people
to observe,
and some of them might be overprotective
to the extent it becomes extremely extremely harmful
even in itself,
like that rira can be harmful, which is
why he says,
meaning observing moderation,
in terms of jealousy.
So what does he mean by the statement
is that, yeah, there are instances, there are
certain circumstances where people can,
cross the boundaries
and cross the limit of
And our deen is always based on what?
And everything. It's based on what is considered
wasat all the time, so it's between 2
extremes.
Similarly, over here.
In he said,
this means not being unmindful of the first
steps of destructive end but not going overboard
with suspicion.
So you don't go too much about being
suspicious of everything about your spouse. So for
example, if the lady,
suspicious of every move her husband takes
that could lead him to feel suffocating in
the relationship. Similarly, if the wife feels that
her husband is always suspicious of every move
that she takes, that also could suffocate the
relationship. And unfortunately,
reality speaks
about these instances everywhere. We we hear that
about relationships.
When the man, he wants to observe his
his,
spousal role as the man of the house,
being
the father of the children, for example, or
the husband in this household, and Allah has
given him the right of the qiwama and
the right to discipline the family and the
household and so forth. And there is no
right, there is no doubt about it. That
is his right to do so. But just
because he has this right to do, doesn't
mean the way he does it and the
way he observes it in the relationship can
be right. And that also needs to be
taken into consideration.
And sometimes the lady as well too. And
even Rasulullah
he had to deal with some jealousy in
his household,
So, from these examples, Darasulullah, sallallahu alaihi wa
sallam, one time,
he invited a guest.
He invited a guest to come over and
that guest
came to the house, and the prophet asked,
Ayesha
is there any food available to serve the
guest?
She said, You Rasoolallah, we have nothing available
but if you give me a few minutes,
I can mix something quickly.
And back then, fix something quickly doesn't really
require lighting fire, just mixture of dates
and some barley, maybe wheat or something like
that, and then eventually they make a meal
out of it.
So the prophet
being a hospitable person, didn't want the guests
to wait for too long. So what he
does, he sends it to the other households,
if you have any food available and ready
to serve, send it to the house of
Aisha.
So the servant went out and came from
the house of Hafsa,
and some say Zaynab, but all Hafsa.
And she had food, and as she was
coming, as the servant was coming through the
through the door, Aisha Delaana, she overheard the
steps of the servant, and she herself, she
said Hafsa
was a very good cook,
meaning she knew whatever was going to come
from the house of Hafsa is going to
be something really, really good.
And obviously, to serve the food of someone
else in her house,
that's that's offensive to her. Today's the opposite,
obviously, right? Just order something, I don't have
to cook at all. But back then, it
was the honor to be honored by serving
your food to the guests, right? So as
the servant was coming through, Aisha
she jumped
the the the servant and she hit her
her arms,
and eventually the the plate fell from the
hand of the servant because it was started
obviously, and fell from the hand of the
servant and spilled all the food around and
broke actually the plate itself.
It was broken.
Now, you tell me, if this was you
in front of your guests and your spouse
does that, what would you do?
You guys are smiling already, what does that
even mean, honey?
So it's natural for someone to be kind
of like the ones to act, of course,
the man who is in control of the
household and I have the rules and the
boundaries set, you know, clearly,
he would probably maybe get upset and angry
and maybe overreact
just to prove his masculinity and his manhood
in front of the guests.
But Rasulullah
who was our example of what does it
mean to be a real man in circum
a stand like this, he knew. That was
natural.
She overreacted.
And obviously, he loved his wife
so he was willing to to overlook
that and forgive it.
So what he did salallahu alaihi wa sallam,
he smiled with the guests
because for him, you know what,
how do you respond to this basically? That's
what the prophet was almost telling the guests,
how am I going to respond to this?
And he started collecting the food because it
was
finger food.
As he was collecting it he told the
guest,
your mother is
jealous. He speaks about the mother of the
believers, Aisha
And then he ordered a plate to be
taken from
the pantry of Aishwadullah Anha to be given
to the house of Hafsa in place of
the one that was broken.
So, what we say is that the prophet
he dealt with this. And, there are other
examples we can actually speak about more in
details later, but the concept of jealousy does
exist in the relationship,
and but sometimes it can really cause some
damage. So, moderation
is the best, meaning, he says, if you
see certain behavior that might lead to certain
fitness afterwards,
then obviously you're going to have to cut
up right there. So if you see, for
example, your spouse becoming too lenient, you know,
talking to ladies, or you see your husband
being your your your, your husband or your
wife, for example, to other opposite gender, In
this case, you're gonna have to talk to
them about it. Look, I don't like this.
That's not right. And remember that we set
the boundaries based on what?
Because if you're going to set your own
boundaries
beyond what is
and what is reasonable, that's going to cause
fitna and problem between husband and wife which
is why he says
that which is considered reasonable.
Also, part of the boundaries that are set
for the for the concept of, moderation and
jealousy is al Arf,
what is considered the Arf, which means, what's
considered cultural or traditional.
Now, keep in mind
that observing the arf
in our shara is actually based on the
acceptance of the shara of it, absolutely, first
and foremost. And that's why one of the
major 5 categories,
one of the 5 categories actually of fiqh
and usul is al-'Ada to Muhaqqama,
that custom rules which means when there is
no clear boundaries in the Quran and the
sunnah of the prophet
we go by what is considered cultural and
customary
if it was reasonable.
But if there's something clearly opposing it in
the Quran and sunnah, we reject that altogether.
But if there isn't, then in this case,
we just kind of like we accept it
based on these boundaries. But when people, they
take their boundaries outside of the Quran and
sunnah, and outside of what's considered normal in
the society and culture, it becomes problematic.
Nowadays in our society, in our time, living
here in America, obviously,
we do have some issues with that because
marriages are now happening cross culture.
So you find people marrying from a different
culture, you have people marrying from a different
generation even sometimes, different backgrounds,
and as a result,
when it comes to defining what is considered
appropriate or inappropriate,
there are some blurry boundaries here. Now, alhamdulillah,
if we disagree on anything,
Allah subhanahu
says, If you dispute over anything or any
matter then you return everything back to Allah
and the messenger, the Quran and Sunnah.
If you find a clear textual evidence that
would set the judgment for that matter, we're
good, alhamdulillah,
If not, then we're going to have to
go back again and try to find what's
considered reasonable within this tradition, the culture, and
we rule based on that.
Our problem today is when people now dispute
over, okay, what is considered appropriate or inappropriate.
And that's why, subhanallah, even sometimes I ask
young couples before even they get married,
I I asked them, I said,
what's your opinion on having,
opposite gender as friends on social media?
A simple question, believe it or not, I
know the older generation for them is just
like, they're kind of like, are you kidding
me? Is that even a question that you
need to ask? Our younger generations of how
they grew up in a in a very
mixed intermingling society, they don't even see that
these are boundaries to be observed.
Like, sometimes they will be surprised.
And I asked the question to the young
couples and then the lady, she would go,
I don't think there is a problem actually,
you know,
with that.
And I look at the guy, so what
do you think?
Obviously, there will be different answers. And I
go, wait a minute, no, that's not. Like
I give an example, for example,
is it okay for the lady if she,
let's say, travels for work, if she's working,
let's say, lady, she goes travel for work,
and then eventually, the one who is going
to pick her up, a colleague from that
company, is a male.
Now, obviously, everybody's got kind of feeling sensitive
about the situation. Similarly, I ask the opposite
question, what if it was the lady picking
up her husband, for example, would you be
okay with that?
Now,
I I find some sisters, some ladies, they
would say it's okay if
my husband is picked up by his female
colleague, his boss, for example,
but it was always the answer that the
man would say, no, I don't want my
wife to be picked up by a male
colleague.
So, okay. So, you say yes, you say
no. So who's gonna be the how are
we gonna set the boundaries over here? We
go back to the Quran and the sun
of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam. It was
made very clear, this should not happen.
But our issue here right now again, when
people now pushing these boundaries
without having any point of reference in the
Quran,
sunnah the prophet
or what is considered customary and and and
sharri in terms of the adaat and taqali
which means the customs of that time. So
just we wanna make sure people understand what
does it mean to have.
That yes, you do need to be jealous,
you need to have the sense of protectiveness
over your spouse and over your family,
in order for you to protect them from
any harm that could happen or anything that
could ruin the relationship.
So he says here, so you need to
be observant. If there's any behavior that you
might think that is gonna lead to something
that would
basically make things worse, you need to cut
off before it actually starts getting
worse or advance into the situation.
But if there's nothing alhamdulillah to worry about,
alhamdulillah, we're still in the mountain of the
Sharah when we go to these
rules of jealousy.
At night.
What does that mean? I I don't know
if you understand the context but the hadith,
if you go back to the Sahih al
Bukhar in Muslim,
it's actually, it's in the context of arriving
from a journey.
Like if someone was traveling or you've been
away from home for some time and you
arrive, he said at night, don't go straight
to the house at night.
So he used this as an order to
remove suspicion or in order not to cause
any damage in the relationship. But the hadith
actually, the statement
has not to do with that jealousy,
it's actually it had to do with being
prepared for your spouse after a long time.
Because at the continuation of the hadith,
prophet
said, so that the one who is disheveled,
she comps her hair and, you know, beautifies
herself,
and if she hadn't maybe shaved
the underarm or the pubic area, at least
she had time to clean herself up, you
know, for her spouse when he arrives.
And that also applies to the man if
he's coming from a long journey, for example.
It's better for you to beautify yourself before
you arrive at home. Ibn Abbas
when he used to finish his halakah,
one time, one of the students, he saw
him fixing his turban
and fixing his clothes before he entered the
house.
So, he smiled and he jokes with the
bin Abbas,
You find this in the Quran as well
too.
You being the interpreter of the Quran,
everything you do must have a reference to
it in the Quran. Do you find reference
to this in the Quran as well? Because
of course
Allah says, that you owe them rights equal
to the one that you have against them.
So if you if if you want them
to beautify themselves to you, then you also
need to beautify yourself to them as well
too. So that's from the meaning of this
hadith, that's basically
not knocking on the door at night, not
to surprise them, to start with them. However,
does that apply to our time today?
Like my flight landing at 11 PM, do
I have to go to the hotel before
I go next day home?
So, does that apply to us today?
Actually, it doesn't. Why?
Because nowadays, you have the means to, remove
that suspicion which is what?
You can call, you can text, you send
them the information of your flight so they
know ahead of time when you're coming back
and before even you leave. But back in
those days, they didn't have this information.
When they leave, God knows if they're gonna
even come back again.
So it was different.
One time the prophet
though, he arrived
early during the day which is actually the
kind of opposite of the statement
because the prophet in this case,
he said,
we went out with the prophet in an
expedition.
So, when we came back he said, we
arrived at night.
Actually, no, we arrived actually during the day,
he said.
He said, Faqar alaihi wasalam, call camp over
here outside of Madinah
and go home at night.
Why do you think the prophet said to
them to camp outside
before they got
into
the city? Exactly. So the news would come
to the people in Madinah that they arrived.
So when the news spread, they arrived, they
have at least a couple of hours before
they start coming back home. They get everybody
ready
to receive their spouses and their families when
they come back from a long journey. So,
look at those moments, the unbelievable
consideration
and kindness
that you need to need to make sure
that you don't surprise your spouse,
don't test them, don't be suspicious of them,
don't do this, don't do that, and always
have the best assumption.
Always have the best assumption. Of course, unless
someone has
other reasons to suggest to have otherwise
suspicion.
But,
the best is always to follow the example
of Rasoolallahu alaihi salallahu alaihi salallam. So, if
you're gonna be coming in a time that
is not expected for you, whether it's during
the day or during the night, text your
spouse.
Just text them, tell them, hey, change of
change of plan,
flight cancelled, I'll be coming at 11 AM
instead of 11 PM for example.
Let them know so at least they'll be
prepared for you when you come back.
So etiquette number 6,
moderation in maintenance.
One should be neither excessive,
is rough
Mhmm. Nor niggardly.
Taktir. Taktir.
A man should not,
keep fine food from his family
as that arouses bitterness.
So what does that mean Ajamal? Can you
even understand this concept today?
Like some of these principles obviously might be
a little bit, taken out of their historical
context. So he says
when you spend and you maintain the household,
you need to be moderate. What does that
mean? No extravagance,
you don't open all your coffers and all
your bank accounts for all the money to
be consumed and spent on maybe luxury items
in life and so forth. That's not appropriate.
You need to make sure that you have
at least some saving for the future of
the family as well too.
You shouldn't be a a a nigger
practicing basically kind of like being cheap
and you would hold from buying things for
them, for instance. Especially during time of occasions
like Eid, Ramadan,
a special celebration that is happening that someone
needs, for example, a new
clothing items or anything of that nature. Like,
I've dealt with some brothers, Mashallah, and others,
in different times, in different places
where some people they take the concept of
Mashallah, generosity, and charity so much so that
they create hardships in their own households.
Like, they literally want to act like Abu
Bakr Siddiq did and Nahu al Khattab did
in their times,
Meaning, they actually
they want to spend all their wealth with
and
they think that they can do the same
too. And as a result, it causes some
hardships in the household and that will become
a complaint from their spouse, look, I've been
asking my spouse to buy this and we're
not gonna buy it now anymore.
We've been planning this trip for Umrah for
the past 2 years and now suddenly
he he kind of like completely cancelled this
because he had to give the money for
such and such cause.
There's nothing wrong of spending for good causes
but also with moderation. As Allah subhanahu commands
in the Quran,
basically,
Don't hold your hands
close to your neck which means stinginess
and don't open your hands excessively that you
spend everything out otherwise, you're going to start
sitting there crying
and and feeling which means regretful and remorseful
for what you've done. So, moderation is always
the best insha'allahu ta'ala.
He mentioned something here when it comes to
moderation,
who decides what is concerned moderate and what
is not? What do you guys think?
Who considers what is considered moderate and what
is not?
Culture. What culture? Which culture?
Which tradition? Which society you're talking about?
Yours,
the community living in, your household, your family,
her family, we have to take that into
consideration.
Your
obligation as the father or the man of
the house is to do what? To provide.
Your wajid
is to provide.
Okay. How much you provide,
that's a different story.
That's where the where where it comes here,
that's what they called That's
unmeasured obligation. So you have an obligation to
provide but it's an unmeasured obligation. Okay. So
how much is enough to say that I
have provided for the family? That's when we
talk about moderation.
So who decides what moderate
is? There are different factors here.
One of the factors, obviously, is your own
income.
Like somebody whose income is
barely day to day,
day laboring for example, for somebody who is
Mashal, hamdulllah, paycheck to paycheck monthly, For someone
Tabarakallah,
businessman or business person who owns, alhamdulillah, in
abundance.
So now, their spending will be different.
Their spending will be different. Some, they cannot
afford this much. For example, for instance, is
the example of Abdulrahman bin Auf radiAllahu anwar
dam. Abdulhaman bin Auf was a very successful
businessman.
He migrated from Makkah to Madinah with absolutely
nothing
except for the clothes on his back.
When he arrived, the
prophet made mu'akha,
the brotherhood packed between him and one of
the ansar. So this ansari
wanted him to to to,
yeah, split everything together,
the land and the household and everything.
Abdul Rahmab bin Aav graciously said, God,
bless in your house or your families. Tell
me where's your marketplace?
Where's your flea market basically?
He said, this place you took him to
the to the market
and in one single week, in one week,
Abdul Hamar bin Auf comes back. One day
the prophet, as salam, seeing him wearing a
nice beautiful suit.
When you say suit in Madin, on that
side, it means 2 pieces
and not so many people could afford 2
pieces at that time. They could barely afford
a loincloth
or a camelis, barely.
So, to have 2 pieces,
you have some wealth right now in your
hand. Not just
that, he had
a on him.
He had even extra money to buy luxury
items such as
And so when the prophet saw that he
smelled the uttar from him,
What is this? What's going on here?
He got married in a week.
All of this happened in a single week
at Jemaah. So the prophet smiled and he
asked him, he goes,
what Mahat did you give her? Did you
give her a dowry? He goes,
Was
the weight of a date stone and gold?
Like, he had so much wealth in 1
week that he could afford giving away
this amount of gold as a as a
mahar for her, which was something significant back
then, not like our time. So this is
in 1 single week, so you can imagine
right now what life standard is he going
to have.
So,
at Takdir here, when it comes to saying
moderation also at Tidal and the nafaka, we
have to take into consideration the income of
the individual or the household,
their culture of their time,
where they live, and all these kind of
things. There is no doubt, there is no
doubt, no matter how wealthy you are, it's
always better to have this kind of, you
know, zuhud in this dunya,
minimalism.
And that was the style of the prophet
sallallahu alaihi wa sallam. Our ulema were different.
So the ulama, they talk about the concept
of Zuhd which means asceticism and and abandoning
this dunya and they said there are different
categories of ulama. So, it depends. Imam Ahmad
was an example of absolute
zuhudiyal. He is one of the example of
asceticism and abandon this life and this dunya
for the akhir.
He was in prison because of his political
views and religious views, theological views on the
subject of Quran and Allah's attributes and so
on.
So he was deprived of every privilege you
can imagine.
But when he was released from prison in
compensation with that injustice that was set against
him,
the Khalifa
poured wealth on him like you can't even
imagine.
So he would go somewhere, he comes back
home and he finds in the house
boxes of treasure
and he freaks out. He tells his son,
what is this? He goes, Al Khalifa, I
send this to you.
He goes, right now,
take it all out, spread among the people,
don't leave a dime.
I was at the family would say, come
on, dad, just one thing. Everything
out, out.
He goes, I swear this fitna is harder
on me than the fitna of prison.
Like the fitna of being bribed with this
dunya
was harder for me, he says, than the
fitna I had to deal with when I
was in prison.
Versus Imam Malik Rahimahullah.
Al Imam Malik Rahimahullah, he had 2 phases
in his life.
Phase 1, when he was poor.
He was so poor, Rahimu Allah until
he they said he had to seal he
had to sell actually the the roof of
his house. The beams
that hold the roof, he had to sell
them. That was an item used to be
sold back then.
So he said he had to sell that
because he didn't have enough money to sustain
his household. But when he was also exposed
to the fitna, the political fitna of Banu
Umayyah at that time, or actually Abbasin at
that time,
when he was
beaten until he was literally and he kind
of tortured for it,
Obviously, the news spread to the khalifa in
Baghdad
Abu Jafar Mansur. When he heard about it,
he was so livid and upset with the
governor in Madinah. He called him, he was
his cousin. He called him and he he
punished him for whatever he has done. He
goes, are you serious? Are you mad? Are
you crazy?
Who do this to the imam of Darul
Hajjran? The imam of the house of migration,
imam Malik Rahim Allahu Ta'ala. So, imam Abu
Jafar Mansoor, he himself personally
on the way to Hajj to Makkah, he
stops in Madinah
to sit with Imam Malik trying to apologize
to him, you know, for what has happened
to him. Said, I swear I did not
order this. The caliph has apologized to the
imams
and then he ordered an allowance to come
to Imam Malik regularly
To the extent that imam
he had actually enough wealth to have
throws and and and pillows and stuff in
his house
and even he used to wear
nice clothes, they said about him. He even
used to eat meat every single day.
For us, like, okay.
Back then eating meat every single day, that's
something luxury, luxurious, SubhanAllah. But today, you eat
every every single meal probably.
So, imam Malik
he used to do that
and and when he when he was asked
about it, he goes, how come you you
accept, you know, the of al malukul khalifa?
Like, you're accepting
the the the gifts of the kings and
the rulers as if they're saying you're accepting
the bribes from the khalifa.
He goes, look,
if it was from anyone else
besides the khalifa, I would have rejected it.
But because this is coming from the khalifa
himself, it is not appropriate to reject his
kindness
and that's part of your showing your allegiance
to the khalifa in that time. For subhanallah,
he has his opinion
So once again when it comes to the
irtidal,
you take that into consideration.
So, if your spouse is actually is criticizing
you for being stingy for being extravagant,
maybe you should go back and try to
review and see, okay, so
is it true? Are we being extravagant? Is
that considered
not so extravagant then? Who decides what is
what? Again, we go back to the Quran
and the sunnah of the prophet sallallahu alaihi
wasallam and then we see what is considered
appropriate within that particular culture. If not, we
can ask someone who helps insha'Allah decide what
is considered normal or not so. Now.
Etiquette number 7,
education.
Learning the rules of menstruation,
hide Mhmm.
That one needs when living with his wife.
He should teach her about
correct beliefs,
and remove any possible innovations,
that she might have in her heart.
He teaches her the rulings of prayer,
menstruation,
and chronic,
vaginal discharge
and tells her,
tells her that if
the blood stops coming
before Maghreb
and the time allows for the performance of
a single prayer,
unit before Maghrib begins,
she has to perform both
dhor and asr prayers.
If the blood stops before Fajr,
the time and the time allows for a
single prayer unit
before Fajr begins,
he has to pray both Maghrib and Asha.
This is something that most women do not
realize.
What do you guys understand from this point
Ajamal?
What a time we living in SubhanAllah.
He's speaking about this as if
our people today are like
they used to be before.
Like he said, the man is responsible to
teach you about his akham and his rulings.
You tell me, do even men know these
things like this?
Is that part of their education nowadays? Unfortunately,
if you ask any man about the rules
of of Hajdu, well, that's not my business
or my wife's business.
That's why the wives, they come and they
ask the imams because they can't trust their
husband's judgment.
Back in the days,
that knowledge
was actually a common knowledge for everybody.
Jema, we're falling behind as an ummah because
unfortunately
we don't teach our children what is really
relevant to them in their education. We just
give them surface issues.
So here is he said,
you should be learning around or about the
rules of because
once you get married, it becomes relevant to
you. You need to observe certain rules when
it comes in your wife, your spouse let's
say in certain conditions here. Now obviously, we
expect that the women should know about this
issue but why did he choose Al Hayd
here over here? SubhanAllah,
usually I learned that from Al Khademir
It's one of the most difficult rules of
fiqh or at least chapters of fiqh.
Why is that?
Anyone knows what could that be the reason
for?
Because there is no consistency.
There's no consistency in it.
There is nothing you could go back to
and say, this is it, you can't.
It's actually
it's it's a very subjective
every person,
every lady has her own situation, very unique
situation. So therefore, when you need to answer,
you're gonna have to ask about every person's
situation.
How often this happens,
how long it takes,
how how often do you see the spotting,
what kind of spotting do you see, the
coloring, and this and that. It's extremely, extremely
different from one person to the other one.
That's
why studying Hakam al Hayd just from the
book is not going to be sufficient.
You're going to have actually to study it
and learn it and also from experience to
observe it.
Aisha dallahu al Anha, she was there, the
lady the the reference for all the ladies
in Madinah.
To the extent that these women, how they
learned about their hide,
they would even send her
the cotton pieces wrapped
and they send it with the servants
or their kids and they ask Aisha, could
you please tell me am I okay now
or not? Like is that color is okay
or not?
And, Aashir Qadhi keeps saying,
don't be hasty, don't rush.
Until you see the white
substance or flakes
because the Tuhur Dalama, the sign of of
Tahara
is to
aljufuf which means after lady wipes, for example,
the Mahal,
it comes clean
or sometimes because with some
white residues or flakes.
They're 2 major signs for purity. And obviously,
in between, there'll be spotting and different colors.
So he says
it's important for the for the for the
husband to learn these rules. He says it
to teach his spouse those rules. But first
of all, let's learn them. You need to
learn the rules as well yourself and if
you can learn with your spouse, that would
be great.
And then at some point, obviously, you're gonna
have to
learn about your personal case for the ladies,
for example, and for the husband as well
to learn about his wife's situation,
like how many days her period is.
And then
that period, no matter how consistent it is,
sometimes it also fluctuates because of the other
circumstances.
Maybe change in diet, maybe fasting Ramadan will
change that, maybe stress, probably aging,
whatever, other reasons
and it starts shifting and changing. So there's
always a renewing,
revisiting the concept and the rules of Hayyid
with the spouse and the family. These are
very important, he says, he should teach her
about the correct beliefs.
We go back again to the exact same
point.
Are our men today
qualified to teach their family that? Because nowadays,
Masha'allah, we see that the ladies, alhamdulillah,
they also come and attend these classes and
these programs equally like men, not even more.
And we see the results of the quizzes
in jama'a.
So who's gonna be responsible to teach Jewish
jama'a right now based on the results of
our quizzes here? Right?
And, subhanallah, the history of Islam, the history
of Islam, yes, we had great ulama,
no doubt about it,
but when it comes to households,
women, they held a great position in teaching
the families and the children.
Even some of them actually they held
a great positions in teaching future ulama,
like the mother of Imam Ahmad
the mother imam Malik
as well. Also the ladies in the palace
in the time of Imam Ibn Hazemal andalusia
all of them,
they they they say that their knowledge came
mainly from the early teachers where they're the
ladies actually in their households.
So, yeah, learning is for everybody.
It's not just for the men to teach
their children but because you're the man of
the house, you're the one who's responsible to
provide the opportunity
for your family to learn their deen.
Now,
sometimes there might be some disputes between husband
and wife having access to this knowledge
where the man, he doesn't allow his wife,
for example, to attend these masajid or these
programs or these halakat.
He doesn't allow her, for example, to watch
these, let's say, videos online, whatever that is.
I'm speaking about actually any situation.
I said, okay. So how do you want
your wife to learn? Because she can ask
me.
I said, okay, are you available to teach
her? Do you have weekly halakha with her
or daily time with her and so and
so?
I'm just like, look, man, I mean,
you are the man of the house, it's
up to you.
But that path can be dangerous if you're
unable to provide that knowledge for your spouse
or your spouse doesn't have access to proper
knowledge
because of Jahal
becomes the basic the basic default
situation of your household that endangers the entire
state of your household.
So that's something we take into consideration teaching
in the aqidah,
removing all the bidah obviously which is responsibility
of the of the man of the house
to make sure his house, alhamdulillah,
is on the sunnah of the prophet salallahu
alaihi wa sallam to the best of course
of your ability.
Teach it in the rulings of the salah
and the minister waiting and anything of course
that needs to be taught of course. This
is very important in order for you to,
learn that.
He mentioned one particular fiqh ruling. Out of
all the fiqh rulings that was mentioned in
the book
Imam Ghazali and Imam Abu Talib al Makki,
he chose this particular
fiqh issue because he felt, Rahim Allahu Ta'ala,
this is
widely overlooked by women so I have to
bring it up as one of those
that they sometimes they ignore.
And he refers to the
if a lady's period stops
and she becomes pure
sometime
before Maghrib,
sometimes before Maghrib. So still she's still during
the day, right?
She takes a shower.
Which salah is she obligated to perform in
that time?
I mean the the logical thing is what?
To say, Asr,
that's the only one that's obligatory because it's
not for Asr. But according to the majority
of the fuqaha,
majority of the fuqaha, they say actually she
goes back to the 2 prayers,
let's say in this case, Asar and Duhr
and if it was before Fajr time, she
then performs what?
Maghrib al Isha.
This is based on the eye of Allah
in
Surat al
means from the turning of the sun
which is basically
the decline of the sun at the whole
time
until
the night time so that includes Uh-huhr Anasr
and Maghrib Elisha.
Waqur * Fajr
The other thing they say, it's basically
when you travel.
You can combine.
So as a result, even though each salah
has an appointed time
but that time is also wide enough to
encompass both. So that's the opinion of the
in this matter that they say the lady
she she should pray,
and answer together if it was before Maghrib
time or Maghrib al Isha if it was
during
before Fajr time.
Now that is open to the majority,
Malik,
Shafi'i, and Ahmad Rahim Allahu Ta'ala. Some other
fuqaha such as Imam
Thawr Rahim Allahu Ta'ala, Imam
and that's an opinion of the hanaf. It
is actually now she's only obligated to pray
the time
that is
present, which is in this case only salat
al Asr or only salat al Isha if
it was sometimes after salat al So if
someone follows the majority's opinion, they need to
follow they need to pray the suraqa. If
you follow the the minority's opinion,
in this case, you only pray that time
that was present.
None.
Etiquette number 8 Actually, let's stop here Insha'Allah.
We'll stop here Insha'Allah and then we'll continue
with the rest of it next week Insha'Allah
tawbaraka wata'ala. I know it took too long
actually but these are very important point. I
want to make sure that we don't leave
it without
explaining. So inshaAllah,
we'll cover this here and then next week,
insha'Allah, we'll continue from point number 8.
Yeah.
Tonight we're having one of
the very, I would say, most important hadith
that you would truly learn about Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala and his relationship with his creation.
The relationship between you and your Lord Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala.
And, primarily it speaks about the concept of
justice and injustice in terms of the relationship
between Is
a very famous hadith Qudsi and Abi Darin
radiAllahu
ta'ala An Nabi Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam,
The author Rahimahullah writes, Abu Dar al Rifari
radiAllahu an who narrates from the prophet
Sallallahu Alaihi
Wasallam
among that which he narrated from his Lord
that he said, my slaves, I have forbidden
injustice to myself and have forbidden it between
you. So do not wrong each other. My
slaves, all of you are astray except for
whomever I guide. So seek guidance from me.
I will guide you. My slaves, all of
you are hungry
except for for whomever I feed.
So ask me to feed you. I will
feed you. My slaves, all of you are
naked except for whomever I clothe, so seek
clothing from me. I will clothe you. My
slaves, truly you do wrong by night and
day, and I forgive wrong actions altogether, so
ask for my forgiveness.
I will forgive you. My slaves, you cannot
reach my harm, so that you could harm
me, and you can never attain my benefits,
so that you could benefit me. My slaves,
even if the first and last of you,
your human beings, and your Jin were according
to the most God fearing heart of any
one one man among you, that you could
not that that would not increase anything in
my kingdom. My slaves, even if the first
and last and last of you, your human
beings, and your gin were according to the
most wicked heart of any one man among
you, that would not decrease anything in my
kingdom. My slaves, even if the first and
and last of you, my my
ask
me and I gave each one of them
what they what he asked for,
that would not decrease
what I have except as a needle does
when it when it is entered into the
sea. My slaves, they are only your actions
which I enumerate for you, Then later, I
will repay you for them. So whoever experiences
good, then let him praise Allah. And whoever
experiences other than that other than other than
that then let him only blame himself.
Can you guys take a moment here and
just reflect on this hadith itself?
SubhanAllah, I mean, if you look at the
statements of the hadith when Allah
and again in the manner of which His
Majesty is speaking to his creation,
You Ibadi.
He says, You, Ibadi, my slaves.
Now,
being a slave to anyone else beside Allah
that's
a shame.
But being the slave of Allah
it's the greatest honor.
It is the greatest honor to be the
servant and the slave of Allah
When Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala wanted to praise
his prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wasalam, what did
he call him?
Allah speaks about Isa the same thing.
Being a slave of Allah.
So being a slave of Allah
is a great honor. And Allah
is speaking about you Ibadi, my slaves.
We spoke about it in a previous session
if you guys remember they said that
being a servant and a servitude to Allah,
there are 2 kinds of servitude.
There are those who are Ibad,
Ibad of
Allah in the general term of being a
slave of Allah
That includes who?
Everybody.
The believers and the non believers. They
cannot
escape being slave of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
Then we have the second category,
those are the slaves of Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala by choice
which means now I choose to submit myself,
my desires, my whims, my actions, my thoughts,
my beliefs all to Allah
Now, that is what Allah
is referring to in here and he's speaking
to everybody.
So Allah speak
Here in this hadith, by the way,
he expands the hadith by dividing it to
10 statements.
Ten statements.
So, the first statement is him saying
that I made dhulm injustice
prohibited for me. That's the first statement. The
second statement he says, and I made it
also prohibited amongst you. So do not wrong
each other.
The third statement he says,
You're all lost. You're all astray
except those who I have guided.
So he said that's number 3.
Number 4,
my servant or my slaves,
you're all hungry
except those who
I'm I've I've fed.
And then he says,
that's number 5 right now.
My slaves
you're all naked except the ones I provide
clothing for.
Number 6,
You make mistakes, you wrong yourself day and
night.
So he says, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala,
seek forgiveness for me.
Number
7,
You can never reach any level to harm
me.
So that's number 7. Number 8, he
says, If all of you, mankind and jinn,
you all get together to be on the
heart, to be believers as the most believing
person. That's number 8.
Number 9,
If all of you got together to ask
me, he said, ask me your things.
This is number 9. And the last one
he mentioned, number 10,
These are all your deeds, I only count
them for you.
So if anyone sees something good they should
be grateful to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala, otherwise
blame no one but yourself. So these are
the 10 points that I mentioned in this
hadith and we're gonna
talk about them 1 at a time
but just to show
how important this hadith is especially
if really it dawns on you
the heavyweight of these statements from the prophet
of course that's coming from Allah
How would your body react to it? I
want you to see from the action of
Al Imam
Abu If you read Muslim narrated?
Muslim narrated this hadith in the version of
of Sarai ibn Abdul Aziz
from from Rabia
Rabia
Rabia?
Rabia ibn Yaziz from Abu Adris Al Khawlani,
from Abu Dar and in the end of
it there is the Said, even Abdul Aziz
said, when Abu Adris Al Khawlani narrated this
hadith, he used to be he used to
kneel on his knees. So what does that
mean over here? He says, now we talk
about Abu
Adesh al Khawlani, he is a student of
Abu Aradhayla and the Sahabi the companion.
So his student, he says, when my teacher,
Abu Darshal Alaihi used to recite this hadith,
he would fall on his knees.
What does that mean?
Like basically,
this hadith is so heavy
that he can't help it that he just
he kneels down on the ground like it
just weighs on him so heavy that he
just falls on the ground.
Now, that's Abu Dush al Khawlani. However, Abu
Darda, comparing the prophet salallahu alaihi wa sallam,
probably maybe he had a stronger heart.
His mind, his thought, and his heart much
more moderate and balanced
but it was done in
a way that he says these statements are
so
so heavy.
Each one of them deserves an entire session
by itself. We're gonna try to explain them
as much as we can, inshallahu,
to Barakah Wa Ta'la.
Now, a sub narrate another narration actually was
mentioned Muslim Imam Ahmed Rahimah Allahu Ta'la in
which he added I wanna just point this
to you here insha Allah on page
382.
When he added a generation, not
just,
we didn't just say those who are the
first and the last and the men and
the jinn, he added what?
Which means the moist, that includes what?
Every living creature
which includes
what? Animals and even?
Plants. Plants.
Moist, anything that is moist. So it includes
everything in this creation, not just mankind and
jinn. And then, the
dry ones, what does that mean?
Means means rocks,
means inanimate objects, everything that is considered inanimate
objects like mountains
and everything else. So so this this had
this statement
from this version of the hadith includes
everything in this creation
would come together
to seek Allah's forgiveness, I will forgive them.
Ask Allah for them, Allah will give them.
Everything that was mentioned in the hadith that
everything, if Allah gives to everybody and everything
and everyone,
still the kingdom of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
will never be affected,
will never be affected.
You might say what would even an imam
al object ask for?
Don't think don't forget that they are still
the creation of Allah
and they still do to Allah
They do. So therefore, they're still part of
the creation of Allah I just wanna mention
this so that this we understand
the value of this generation
And we move on to the next page
Insha Allah where he says he's saying in
that which he relates from the Lord.
His saying
in that which he related from his Lord,
my slaves I have forbidden injustice to myself
means that he prevents and restrains himself from
being unjust to his slaves. As he says,
and I do not wrong my slaves. He
says,
Allah does not want any injustice for his
slaves.
He says, Allah desires no wrong for any
being. He says,
Your lord does not your lord does not
wrong his slaves.
He says,
Allah does not wrong people in any way.
He says, Allah does not wrong anyone by
so much as the smallest pack. He
says,
But anyone who does right actions being a
need fear
need fear no no wrong no no wrong
or any belittlement? Let me explain this to
Sala first before we move forward. So, and
by the way, I I skipped a point
here that I was bring to your attention.
It's one of those what we call them,
which means more of like an anecdote in
this hadith. So if you see before the
before the yellow line here, it it says,
Imam Ahmed
said about the hadith of Abu Dhar, it
is the noblest hadith of the people of
Asham. What does it even mean? What does
that even mean Ajima?
Now, if
you've ever studied hadith and the science of
hadith, in mustalaqal hadith, every hadith obviously has
a chain of narrators, right? And every chain
of narrators is 1 generation probably could be
or maybe 2 generations.
So you have every person represents 1 generation.
Now, where the ulama they collect the hadith
from? From their teachers. And where are they
most likely gonna manage to find these teachers?
In their localities.
So it was usually it would be very
unique, the ulama of hadith, they always look
for unique chains of narrators like what?
The shortest chain of narrator for example. They
call this the sunad al ali, like this
is basically like
the the best sunad you can get when
you have
less number of people
connected to the prophet
And also, they look for some people who
are related to each other like a father,
son, grandfather for example, you know, reading or
not reading the story
to us. That's also another unique thing and
so on. Some of the uniqueness of this
hadith, if the hadith was reported by people
with the same locality.
This one is one of those hadith.
It was mainly narrated by or not narrated,
at least preserved
through the Dimashqiyin,
the people of Damascus.
So let the Syrians rejoice right now.
So this hadith was reported by the by
the Syrians basically, the people of Damascus
from one generation to the other one until
of course it was reported
in the hadid al sahih in
the Sahih
Muslim
he goes, so they all were Dimash They
were all Dimash Just an anecdote. So therefore,
Imam Ahmed goes the noblest hadith that the
people of Sham ever preserved for us was
this hadith.
This is one very special hadith that
the Shamayeen,
they preserved for us. I just want to
bring this to your attention. The other thing
is,
Imam Ibn Khudama, Imam Abu Raj when he
was calling the ayat, he was bringing them
in a certain sequence,
The expression,
and I do not wrong my slaves, that
translates off a little bit because the word
is different than volume. What's the difference in
Jamal? Means
what?
It's it's it's more, it's higher frequency,
like I would never ever, I would never
ever
be unfair or show an injustice to to
my servants. He says
which means basically
larger number as well.
So now a different degree and then and
then
he says here and then he says,
They will not be wrong not even for
anything
and then he says,
not even the speck of a dust.
And the last ayat that he quoted, he
says Allah
he would never he would never take away
from you anything
nor that he would take everything away from
you.
He's gonna explain it right now. So what's
the meaning of this? He says
heldum, belittlement is that he should be shortchanged
in the recompense
for his good deeds and is
wrong injustice is that he should be punished
for someone else's wrong actions. So what does
that mean? If you deserve a 100 if
you deserve a 100 and you get 90,
what is that called?
It's injustice, there's no there's no doubt about
it but it's it's more like a because
you took away
for my haq, for my right. That's a
a partial
but it's also Hadom. But if,
if you give the award
to somebody else for something you did, that's
called what?
Now.
You took all the reward away from me,
gave it to somebody else, the credit for
me to give it to somebody else, that's
now considered
So there's no doubt it's actually it's it's
wrongdoing now.
The likes of these are very many in
the Quran.
It is one of the things that shows
that Allah is able to be unjust. It
is one of them one of the things
that shows that Allah is able to be
unjust but that he does not do so
out of his bounty,
liberal
liberality, noble generosity, and goodness towards a slave.
This is now a very philosophical question by
the way.
We hear that a lot from philosophers these
days or at least, you know, you hear
it from on campus and people asking says,
you said that God is capable of doing
all things, correct, or not Ajamal?
Okay. The answer is yes. So God is
capable of doing all things. Is God capable
of doing injustice?
You see, it's it's a philosophical question now.
If you say God is capable of doing
all things
and then you say I'm gonna ask you
the question, is God capable of doing injustice?
And you would say, no.
So what did you say right now? He's
incapable of everything. He's incapable of everything. Not
everything then anymore, right?
And if you say yes, so what are
you what are you admitting right now?
That God can be unjust, right? So how
do I know this is justice, this is
not justice then? How do I know that
what he's treating me is justice?
And you keep saying that Allah is just
all the time, right? So that's a philosophical
question. I remember when Taybeh Tabir he actually
answered this kind of philosophical question because look,
They are not these actions do not befit
God at all. So why do people then
why do people then think like that? Because
they're attributing to God what? Human attributes.
It's because of that that we fall into
the trap of these questions.
But God,
as God,
even though he's capable
of being unjust, his capability
of being unjust, but he's what? He's never
unjust
because he's God.
And for us as Muslims,
Allah named him 7 terms of justice. What
is the name of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
that would come to justice?
What is it?
Allah did not even name himself what?
Adil
basically means what? Being fair,
but Allah didn't call himself Adil.
He called himself what?
Justice.
He didn't call himself just, he called himself
justice. What does that mean?
Like justice
is his attribute,
like it's embedded within his beautiful attributes of
that basically even though that capability
is does exist but it's not befitting God
in that fashion.
Just like the philosophical question,
is God capable of doing all things? The
answer is yes. Okay now, is God capable
of creating
a mountain that he cannot carry?
You see, the question is like, wait a
minute,
that's weird, right? I hear you But this
question of philosophical theoretical because we are not
attributing
to Allah Subhanahu wa'ala human attributes.
But Allah is capable of all things of
what befitting God,
not what befitting human beings, which we're gonna
be explaining in the next paragraph. Go ahead.
Many of the people of knowledge explain a
little wrong or injustice as putting as putting
things in other than their correct places.
As for those who explain as transacting with
transacting with someone else's property without his permission
So two meanings. The first one is
that you put something outside of his right
rightful place. That's called
So when you say something about somebody that
is unfair, that you know it's not true
and you still lie about them, that's called
injustice as well too. The second one is
when you actually act in someone's car without
the permission, like driving their car without permission,
for example, entering their house without permission, for
example, or selling it, that's zom as well.
So he says,
that is transmitted from AS, ibn Muawiyah and
others. They say injustice is impossible for him,
and anyone other than him is is imaginary
with respect to him since everything that he
does is transacting with his own property.
Abu Aswad al Duwali replied in that manner
to Imran Ibn Hussein when he asked him
about the decree. Like, basically said, look, if
if you think that
injustice is when you when you act in
something that doesn't belong to you, Allah owns
everything. So whatever he wants to do
he can. So, therefore, there would never be
injustice in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala's actions. However
keep going.
Abu Dawood and ibn Majin narrated the hadith
of Abu Sinan Sahid ibn Sinan from Wa'h
ibn Khaled Al Himsi
that ibn Ad Daylami heard Ubay ibn Kaab
saying, even if Allah were to punish the
inhabitants of his heaven and his earth, he
would do so without wronging them. So this
is now a controversial statement. Like, wait a
minute. So if Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala had
decided to punish everybody, the righteous and the
non righteous, that wouldn't be considered injustice.
So what's the meaning of this? Explain.
And if you were to show them mercy,
his mercy would be better for them than
their actions and that and then and that
he went to Ibn Mas'rud who said something
similar to him and that then later he
went to Zayd ibn Thabit to narrate it
something similar from the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam.
There are some views about this So now,
this is what Ibraajib explains that statement.
Now. There are some views about this hadith
and what Ibn Khaled is not well known
for knowledge. It may be interpreted to mean
that if he meant to punish them, he
would decree those actions for them for which
he would he should punish them so that
then he would not be unjust. So what
does that mean? It's like, look, if Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala in that consideration,
Allah would allow them to do certain acts
for which they will be punished. That's his
justice here right now. It's not like he's
punishing just because for the sake of punishing
them, But he will
allow them to practice things that will be
a cause of their punishment. Now
From the fact that he is the creator
of his slaves actions, some of which are
unjust, it does not necessarily follow
that he should be characterized
as unjust.
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala, just as he is not
characterized by all the other ugly things which
his slaves do, even though they are his
creations and his decrees because he is only
characterized by his actions and not by the
actions of his slaves? That's the most important
statement over here. You only describe Allah by
his actions, not the acts of slaves. So
that's why these questions, the philosophical questions
don't reiterate to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala now.
His slaves actions are his slaves actions are
his creations and his doings, but he is
not to be attributed attributed any he's not
to be attributed any of them. Even though
he's the one who creates what?
Good and bad, justice and injustice,
but they choose to act unjustly, of course.
Nah. But only that which is true of
him and his own attributes and his own
actions and Allah knows best. And Allah knows
best, Subhanahu wa ta'ala. So we'll stop here,
inshaAllah,
and they will continue with the Nazir next
week with the other statement. But remember, this
hadith is very very important, very powerful life,
so we're gonna continue to define what does
injustice mean, inshaAllah, especially between human beings, Wallah,
Subhanahu wa ta'ala. A question came about riding
riding Uber.
Uber rides with the opposite gender. Is it
okay to, allow
spouse to ride with opposite gender Uber driver
especially at night? I mean, you you already
given the answer anyway.
You're putting all the wrong circumstances, you know,
with the opposite gender at night. Look,
there is no doubt it's a professional service,
meaning, you know, the expectation is obviously evidence
to be, professional. It's parallel reality. We've seen
a lot of things happen and you could
see videos about what could possibly go wrong
with these kind of circumstances. May Allah protect
your families,
Now, in normal circumstances, I would say, even
you as a man, you need to make
sure that you ride with the, you know,
properly,
and
don't don't ride with the opposite gender. Be
alone in this khalwah,
in this situation. But if it was a
situation where it's a dire necessity, right, for
example, or there is no other option or
you are stranded, or somewhere else,
in this case, it could possibly there will
be allowance there. In the story, there was
a, the prophet
was riding
and he saw Asma'bint al Bakr as Siddiq,
and he wanted to offer a ride
because she was carrying, you know, over her
head, he looked, she was actually tired and
exhausted and I smiled, she said, I wanted
to write because I was very very tired,
but I remember the jealousy of Zubair.
So I said, no.
Which is That's one of the jealousy we
talked about the protectiveness
in the relationship, a healthy one. There is
no doubt about it. So, I would say,
actually, avoid that as much as you can,
give you the better
option.
What forms of communication are halal in a
long distance relationship leading to the marriage? We
talked about the nikah and marriage in the
class here. We're going to Islam until the
nikah ceremony.
Well, if you talk about before the nikah
has done, relatively, if you are still knowing
each other,
the prophet
he suggested to Jabal
to go and see her, the one he
was proposing to, and also Mughir ibn Shaba
as well too.
As long as the families know, and alhamdulillah,
they're informed with that, and you will have
proper,
of course, communication, no hijab is still observed,
the language and the the content is considered,
of course, yani, appropriate in that kind of
situation.
It should be okay insha'allahu ta'ala. It's always
recommended
in these kind of conversations to have a
third party,
And that third party should be Maharam from
her side, of course, now.
My husband,
is, alhamdulillah, generous with me,
but I never want to exploit this and
he gives me money whenever I have to
go to go out with friends.
Does he have to do it or it's
not his responsibility as a provider?
I'm not gonna answer the question.
It's Rahma and mercy for you, just leave
it this way.
If your husband is generous, why would you
have to ask the question about what color
should the cow be and and which part
of the cow we should use to to
strike, you know, the the dead person with.
If he's if he's generous martial and he's
providing for your hamdu li lah from his
means,
Bismillah,
you need to be responsible
not to exploit that generosity.
But on his part, he's being very kind
and very generous, hamdullilah.
You're blessed if your husband is not gonna
count pennies and dimes in on you, really.
So if he's, alhamdulillah, at that level of
generosity, may Allah reward him for that, you
need to be responsible
with the spending.
Meaning, you need to be careful
more for him and his, actually, his income
and his wealth, like you need to learn
to save and help him save and help
him, of course, manage
the the budget
than he does. That's much important for you
insha Allahu ta'ala.
Push back from teaching your spouse Islamic knowledge.
Any tips?
What do you guys suggest? You want to
teach your spouse something to say, thank you.
By the way, just to let you know,
Imam Malik says
Those who benefit the least from any scar
are actually
the members of his household.
Why is that?
Because they say they say that the good
and the bad and the ugly and and
the in and out of their life so,
like, are you serious? Like, are you kidding
me? You want to teach me this right
now? What about yourself? Why don't you look
at yourself, right? We all have that problem,
SubhanAllah. Imam Malik has spoke about it from
way back in those days because no matter
how much you try and there's even a
narration from Imam Abu Hanifa
in which imam Abu Hanifa's mother,
she asked him to take her
to another scholar
to go and ask him.
So So he takes his mother to him
and he tells him, Alifah, you want me
to answer your mother? Like, seriously, you want
me to answer your mother? Why don't you
answer her? Because what she wants to hear
from you? Because you tell me what's the
answer, I'll give it to her.
Like I wanna learn from you so I
can give your mom the answer, right? And
some hala, I have the situation with my
mother as well too, and she knows I'm
studying an imam and this, she goes, I
don't know, other sheikh said so and so,
I said, alright, it's fine.
So, yeah, that is natural, that aversion is
natural,
but how can we how can we help
one another as a husband and wife, how
can we really only remove that aversion
from learning from each other?
The best the best way to teach your
family to follow that knowledge is to practice
it.
It should come with your akhlaq, your manners
will lie. But if you have all that
ilm and that knowledge, and you only remember
it when they start misbehaving or do something
wrong, you say, well, look,
because in a moment of dispute, when you
start bringing
so they take this as what?
As a controller.
And no one in the moment of dispute
likes to be controlled so we rebel
and we sometimes go really really away from
justice.
Look at example of the man who was,
was in an argument with another man and
his face was turning red and the prophet
said I know a statement if he says
it, it will go away.
I mean what was his answer? I mean
you expect him to say, really?
Thank you very much.
Right? That's not what he said.
What did he say?
Like you say I'm crazy or something,
like just visit You know, get away from
me. I don't wanna hear from you. Subhanahu,
he rejected the statement of the prophet
That could be tantamount at the level of
kufr if you knew that that was coming
from the prophet
directly.
But, again,
in a moment of dispute, don't even try,
don't even try to break in that moment
because it might be rejected. Wait when the
time is better
and the emotions are a little bit, alhamdulillah,
more moderate,
then you could say, you know what? Honestly,
yesterday, you scared me. When you were doing
that thing I was thinking about this ayah,
this hadith and wallahi I was so scared
for you because that was not right.
We were not supposed to behave like this.
Hopefully they will hear the reminder from you.
No.
Can we see a woman without a hijab
once before nika?
What if you say no?
What if you say and you say, okay,
thank you.
You're gonna break her heart, traumatize her, imagine
this was your sister.
So stop manipulating the woman in your mind
like this.
Let other women see her and they can
tell you.
But the guy says, well, I don't have
anybody to see her from me.
I hope that Insha'Allah you can have a
friend who's married and his wife can let
you know about that lady. But to see
her without the hijab because, you know, that's
the now that's the breaking point for me.
Like her akhlaq, awesome. Her deen, mashaAllah.
Her experience, her knowledge, amazing.
I just want to see you with her.
Right?
You see her hair and just like,
thank you very much. I appreciate that.
That's really sad
and it's really bad.
So that's just from a logical point of
view but from Ruiz's point of view, you're
not Maharam yet to her. So they shouldn't
be removing her hijab for you. The only
firk opinion that actually allows that is the
Duaheri school. My husband has some extreme opinions
in this manner but not the majority of
the alumni would say that.
Learning about praying dour and answer needing to
be made up, for salah after hide, of
course, I have to become pure from the
hide.
It was a new knowledge to me. Does
this mean that I will need to make
up all the years of the unknown salah?
No, you're good insha Allahu Ta'ala.
Know you're good. But if you follow the
subpoena with the majority's opinion right now,
you start from from next time, inshaAllah, you
should be fine.
Which is the sheikh Athaymeen opinion on which
salah has to be made up when, women
finish her period? Walla Alamif actually forged the
hambrils opinion which is to have both salah
as well performed.
What is a good age to teach our
sons rulings of Hayd since they will need
it, more
when they are married.
Well, I hope once they're mature enough Insha'Allah,
again it's a it's a matter of maturity,
it's not a matter of age really.
They could be mature at 15, at 16
and they would never mature even if their
30 is a long stand.
So, therefore, it's a matter of maturity. If
you see that they're mature which means they
understand
and they're very respectful, they employ that knowledge
properly, you can teach them that. There's nothing
wrong with that. Back in the days, these
kids used to tell you this stuff when
they were still
even teenagers, if not even younger than that.
They used to give fatwa at 17 and
16.
Can you imagine the knowledge that they have
accomplished, of course, prior to that? So, it's
a matter of maturity.
So the text says that even if there
is a time for one unit of prayer,
which is 1 raka, before, say example, fajr,
in this case we need to pray Maghrib
and Isha, but there is only time for
1 unit of prayer, which means you can
only pray Maghrib or Isha.
How do you pray maghrib and isha both?
In this case you pray isha first
and then you make up maghrib,
according to this opinion I say. Why? Because
isha time is on is very limited right
now, so don't worry about making maghrib first
because you need to make them an order,
right? Maghrib and then isha, but I don't
have time to do that. I only have
time for Isha, so I still have time
for Isha because Isha time anyway.
Maghrib is already time is already gone, so
you pray isha first to do it on
time and then Maghrib is still you need
to make it up anyway, so you make
it up after the time expires.
Do you do it after Fajr? I mean,
it's up to you. If Fajr's alhamd has
already started
and you already married isha, and now they
call the Iqamah for Maghrib for for Fajr
right away after Adhan, for example, then, yeah,
join Fajr first and then you pray Maghrib
afterwards. But if there's time, enough time for
you to between Adan and Iqamah, then do
your Maghrib and then wait for Fajr to
be established afterwards.
When you say your period is done, do
we have to redo our salah?
I'm not sure what you mean by which
salah. Is that the salah that
you missed
when your period started? Let's say it was
between duhr and asr, you did not pray
duhr yet and then suddenly you see your
period.
So I missed duhr because it was still
time for duhr. So, when I become pure,
do I need to make duhr, the one
the one I missed 7 days ago, for
example? That's what maybe the question the question
that means that.
The answer to this is actually according to
the right or or to the opinion that
I fall in this regard is no, you
don't have to. The reason why because I
was and
you you took your your your chance with
it.
Some like just
in case to be on the safe side,
you do it, but there's no no demand
to do that.
Talking about menses is taboo and seen as
a lack of modesty in many cultures, like
mentioning that you have you have cram, discussing
an issue of hide with another woman while
a male is present pretending to, pretending to
fast and pray in front of him. What
is the Islamic viewpoint on these issues?
If you remember we talked about how culture
is also to be taken into consideration. Islamic
speaking,
there is no ruling on saying to speak
about these matters in front of men or
women.
As a matter of fact, the prophet salallahu
alaihi wasallam one time he came out and
he found out in the message that men
and women were talking about these issues. So,
when he came out they all went silent.
And, the prophet said, are you talking about
these issues? So, they went all all silent.
And, the lady said, yes, sir, also they
are.
And, and the prophet says, don't do this,
don't describe these things to each other so
vividly
because as if we'll be describing 2 shaitans
having intimacy in front of
everybody. Like don't be too explicit, that's what
it means. So that level of modesty should
be observed.
Now you don't have to talk
explicitly
about these matters in front of someone who
is not
close to you or even if they're close
to you, there's a level of respect that
you need to, you know, keep, Yaniyah, together.
Breaking your friends to run them if they
understand because they're adults, that's fine,
but talking about, you know, the bleeding and
the amount and the colon, all these kind
of stuff, there's no really need for you
to talk to them about this issue unless
you're asking
your relative, your your brother, for example, or
your ima, or your father, or someone that
is related
to you because they have the knowledge for
her to answer them.
So, there's a level of adab that needs
to be maintained, a lot of aya.
Should a wife ever provide with her income?
So, can a husband ask his wife to
use her money to pay bills and contribute?
Did you cover that subject?
We covered that before Ajamal?
So
the the standard is that the man is
the one who's responsible to provide. No doubt
about it. But if the lady, she owns
money,
now that depends.
If her earnings
are not adding,
her earning are not causing any problem in
the household, meaning it's not taken from the
family's time, they're always behind on on cooking,
the house is messy, the kids are blah
blah,
because she's busy just, you know, making living
or at least earning that money. In this
case, the husband has the right to tell,
look, listen, if you're gonna be actually behind
in these matters,
hire a maid, have somebody take care of
the the
the kids for example, or the food, or
this and that, because I'm supposed to provide
for you so you could take care of
these things for us, for all of us
as a family.
So it's not a matter of you versus
me, it's about us altogether.
However,
if the lady wants to live
a a a standard higher than his standard
because the man is responsible to provide according
to his means.
So if his means is and we're gonna
talk about this actually next week, inshallah. If
it's not that much and she wants to
have a bigger house, bigger apartment or better
car, so he is only he pays what
he can and she pays the rest.
If her income
is silent income, she gets the money from
silent income coming to her. She has Airbnb,
you know, and apartments and this and that
and it's not affecting the quality of their
life. The man has no right to ask
her to pay a penny
because that's all her money, completely her money
now.
But that should be also considered, the anni,
to to be discussed between husband and wife.
What does suspicion,
refer to in the part where the husband
shouldn't surprise his wife late at night? What
is meant by suspicion?
For example, let's say let's reverse it. Let's
say, if the lady opens the door in
his private,
for example, study,
she opens the door quickly.
Why would she do that for?
Because if he was watching something inappropriate, what's
gonna happen? He's gonna close the laptop, he's
gonna change, his face is gonna turn red,
blah blah blah,
and then just what were you watching? What
were you listening to? Was that good? Was
that bad?
Same thing if the man comes to his,
let's say, his wife when she's in her
room or in bed, for example, and then
she turns the phone off immediately.
And it's like, what are you looking at?
Were you talking to somebody? Are you this
and are you that? All these things can
escalate and make things worse. You know what?
Even if it was true
that they've done something wrong
but subhanallah,
if they if if you can conceal
their sin,
that's better for you.
But obviously, if that sin is something consistent
that is ruining the relationship, then you're gonna
have to talk to them about it. Hey,
let's look, I'm really suspicious about this, my
heart is not at ease, could you help
me out here?
And if alhamdulillah, they give you the answer,
look, no, of course not, look at it,
you can look on my phone, wherever you
want.
But, alhamdulillah, remove the suspicion and it's better
for you. However, Umar al Khattab says,
If you always If you act with your
people, meaning your household, your family, your community
with suspicion,
you will ruin the relationship with them.
Like, if you always act with with so
much caution,
as if everybody is it's kinda like they're
gonna they're going after you, like there's also
conspiracy theory in your mind about their relationship
with you. You're gonna ruin the relationship with
them altogether.