Waleed Basyouni – How Can I Help My Friend In A Haram Relationship – Ask The Imam
AI: Summary ©
The importance of protecting oneself from falling into a situation of adultery and fulfilling one's own dreams is emphasized. Personal development is also emphasized, including avoiding romantic relationships and not pursuing a romantic one until they have a better understanding of their potential partner. Longer term, the speaker advises avoiding social anxiety and cutting relationships until one is capable of starting a life. Personal development is also emphasized, including avoiding touching personal items and not listening to advertisements.
AI: Summary ©
We have a question by a teenager actually,
she is trying to help her friend and
just to make it, to summarize, this friend
is in a haram relationship, in a forbidden
relationship with a boy, and it didn't reach
really deeper level, but she is very emotionally
invested in this person and very emotionally attached
to this person, didn't reach the major sin,
but yes, didn't reach the adultery or the
fornication, but it reached levels close to that.
So, what do you say to young people
who find themselves in this situation?
Bismillah ar-Rahman ar-Rahim, Salatu was-Salamu
ala Rasool Allah wa ala alihi wa sahbihi
wa man wala.
First of all, I would like to say,
your main concern should be to protect yourself
from falling into the major sin, the zina,
and unfortunately, it's easy to fall into this
in a time where desires are so strong,
especially for a young person, especially when there
is love and emotion invested, and the deen
is weak, the faith is weak.
That's why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
said, when a person falls into adultery is
not in a state of iman, which means,
his iman is so weak, as if it's
no iman to fall into this.
And also, Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says
in the Qur'an, wa la taqrabu al
-zina, don't come near al-zina, innahu kana
fahishatan wa sa'a sabila.
And it's interesting that it is a way,
zina, it's a way of life.
Those who are used to zina, adultery, they
don't want any more marriage, and even if
they are married, they will cheat, they will
fornicate, and you know, unfortunately a lot of
people take this easily, and it is one
of the major sins in Islam.
Some scholars consider it the third most severe
sin in Islam, shirk, killing, then adultery.
And no doubt, this is a very serious
sin that the person should be aware of.
The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, I
saw in a container, naked men and women
inside it, and a fire underneath of them
burning them.
And he said, screaming, and he asked Ibrahim,
who are they, those people?
He saw it in a dream, and the
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was told, those
are the fornicators from your ummah.
Alhamdulillah, the door of tawbah is there, but
what I really want you to think seriously
about is not how I'm going to marry
this woman, how I'm going to be with
this woman, how can I protect myself from
this sin, how I'm going to protect myself
from the haram.
Remember what Yusuf alayhi sallam said, رَبِّ السِّجْنُ
أَحَبُّ إِلَيْهِ مِمَّا يَدْعُونَنِي إِلَيْهِ Being in jail,
locked up in jail, is better than fulfilling
my desire in haram.
So that means I need to stay away
from this, even if it means I will
go to jail.
He preferred that over being close to the
fitnah.
So that's the thing that you need, because
I don't know if you will be able
to marry this girl or not.
You know, I'm not sure, but your main
concern is not if I will marry her
or not.
My main concern is how can I protect
myself from doing the haram.
That's number one.
Number two, I want you to, if you
really love this woman and you really love
this man, make sure that you take this
into the right direction.
It was reported that the Prophet ﷺ said,
لَمْ أَرَى لِلْمُتَحَبَّيْنِ شَيْءٍ مِثْلَ السَّوَاجِ I did
not see anything better for two people who
love each other, like marrying each other.
So that's the advice of the Prophet ﷺ.
Why?
To fulfill that desire in a halal way.
And if you really, since like really love
this woman, attach to this woman, but love
is not enough also.
You have to understand, that's why I said
in the beginning, I don't know if you
can marry her or not.
Also, you have to be capable of starting
a life, starting a marital life, starting a
home.
Marriage is a responsibility, it's just not a
desire to be fulfilled.
It's also a responsibility for you to fulfill.
So if you really consider this to be
someone you want to spend the rest of
your life with, someone that, you know, I'm
able and capable of starting a house and
financially capable of that, I will take the
right steps, talk to her family, talk to
my family, and start looking.
But my circumstances will not allow me to
get married right now.
Cut the relationships.
Like in this case.
I don't know.
These are teenagers.
Teenagers, even 17, sometimes they get married, you
know.
But what I'm saying here, most of these,
like what you said, just correct, most of
these teenagers, they just, it's a desire, it's
not a serious thing.
I can't even, there's not any element of,
not any elements or any, you know, legs
to stand on when it comes to opening
a house or starting a life.
And if this is the case, you need
to cut this relationship.
Even if it means you move away from
the school.
Even if you stop going to the same
place where you guys are.
You have to cut it off.
And I know it's hard.
I know it is, it is a big
fitna, and it is a big bala, test.
But you have to cut it off.
Remember, Yusuf said, a sijin, I want to
go to jail.
But I don't want to be staying in
the palace around this fitna.
And that's Yusuf.
That's Prophet.
Now, preferring a jail to living in a
palace.
A palace.
Yeah.
But why?
Because in the palace, it's close to the
fitna.
That's a very good lesson.
Yeah.
I will close the door.
And you know what?
You need to close this door.
You want to stay away from it as
much as you can.
And you follow the advice of the Prophet.
The Prophet said, fast.
As-salm is a protection.
It helps you to control your sexual desire.
Fast a lot.
You know, get distracted with things.
Come closer to Allah.
Ask Allah to purify your heart.
And stop the relationship.
Erase all the pictures.
Erase all the, you know, all the messages.
Block the number.
You know, just move on.
Don't follow her or him on Instagram or
in social media.
And you need to move away from this.
Because if in the future things change and
Alhamdulillah come back, yeah, maybe.
You know, Allah will put the reasons for
you to get married to each other.
On the other hand, I want to say
also to parents.
If you can help.
And if your son or daughter really want
to get married and you think they are,
you can coach them, you can train them,
you can make them ready to get married.
And you can help them with that financially.
Why not?
You know?
Even if it means delaying children or not
having children.
But it's fulfilling that needs in halal way.
I mean, think about it.
The peak of the manhood is in the
age of 18.
That's reality.
That's like our body.
18, 19.
That's unfortunately we're living in a time where
people are usually married at the end of
their 20s.
The peak of the desire, the strength of
the desire, it's around that age, 18, 19.
So we have to understand as parents as
well what our children are going through.
We can't just like, you know, because you
are like in your 40s or 50s and
mashallah have kids and have a wife and
be married for years, you know, like we
say, where I grew up, my mom used
to say, اللي يده في الماء ممثل اللي
يده في النار Somebody's hands on the water,
different than somebody's hands in the fire.
So these young people in the fire, the
amount of fitan that they see, the amount
that they deal with, it makes things hard.
But again, we have to balance this.
Make sure that you raise them to be
responsible.
Young people, make sure that you cut, you
know, anything that will add more gas to
the fire inside you.
Don't watch the haram.
Don't listen to music, which is haram.
Don't watch video clips that is haram.
Don't watch and TikTok and follow people who
just, you know, all what they do is
showing their aura and being in positions or
making moves that just, you know, basically stir
desires inside you.
Make sure that you hang around the right
people and ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
العفاف النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم used to
make this du'a every morning, every night.
اللهم من يسألك الهدى والتقى والعفاف والغنى Allah
ask you, one of the things that he
asked for four things.
الهدى, guidance.
التقى, taqwa, to be God conscious and fear
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
العفاف, to be chastity, to be, you know,
not in need of anyone also.
والغنى, is to be self-sufficient and to
be rich.
May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala bless you
and protect you.
JazakAllah Khair Sheikh, BarakAllahu Fiqh.
Thank you.