Lets Talk Marriage Benefits And Rewards Part 1

			as salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. me the peace blessings and mercy of Allah be upon you.
I'm spending a jack with the Imam from the Muslim community center of Rockford, Illinois, here with
the deen show to talk about a subject that is tremendously important. Something that's on the minds
of the majority of our brothers and sisters, marriage, what's the importance of marriage, the
benefits and get married? What can you do to find the ideal husband or wife and some of the
obstacles? Make sure that you don't go anywhere stay there because this is what we're going to be
talking about. See you just a bit Salaam Alaikum.
		

			He
		

			is His Messenger.
		

			Jesus was his messenger.
		

			Why did that maybe it's just maybe it's just a break the ice
		

			Bismillah Alhamdulillah Salaam Alaikum, which means peace be unto you. Welcome to another episode of
the deen show. We have a very exciting topic for you today as we always do. But this one is really
something that you're going to have to pay a lot of attention to. It's something that's very
important. If you're thinking about getting married, if you want to get married, you want to know
the benefits of marriage. You want to know how do I approach this special someone the obstacles of
marriage. We're going to be talking about a lot of these important things about marriage with a
special friend of mine. A mom she's been deemed on the show.
		

			A salaam aleikum. Wa Alaikum Salaam Rahmatullah America. How are you in mom's? pendeen? kondalilla?
How about yourself, Eddie Hamdulillah, Hamdulillah, Jersey boy, hamdulillah. He grew up in New
Jersey, from Chicago, and we're getting together here and the dean is wonderful. It is 100 in our
praises to the Creator of the heavens and earth.
		

			Thank you. Just so people got to read a little bit about you. Tell us you studied at Medina.
Correct? You have some good friends that are actually doing some good work out there. I guess a bit
of jazz? Yes. accardi. And some of the other
		

			teachers and brothers that haven't done a lot. Yeah. So how was it studying in Medina?
		

			Book could be written about it. Yeah. We had his great point. And it had its challenges. And so
you're familiar with the language of the Quran, and the you know, the Arabic You studied in Medina,
you're going to give us some advice today, inshallah I couldn't do it by myself. That's what we're
here for. I'm here to learn how the people watching. They're tuning on to learn non Muslims, they
want to know, also what this Islam is about. And we're covering a very important topic. Very, very,
tell us marriage, what are the benefits? Now, before we get into some of these other points I want
to cover what are the benefits of marriage being married with a special someone? Sure, first, just
		

			to even begin the importance of marriage before we even get into the issue of benefits, because it's
related. It's tied in that marriage is as old as man himself is that when we look at so upon the
law, the creation of men, it began with Adam alayhis salam. And he was not alone. In the beginning,
he was an all those who had Allah He was in Jannah. He couldn't enjoy himself being alone. Yeah,
it's as if Allah wa jal, Laval from the fifth row placed within us that needs to have companionship,
that need to have others in our lives. And so quite a lot because of that. It's that sense of being
able to share life with someone else. And that can be displayed and demonstrated so beautifully in
		

			marriage. And so when you look at it, so Pinilla it's like the idea that Allah subhanho wa Taala
give us in the Quran, when he's talking about the miracles and the awesomeness of the creation of
the heavens and the earth and the mountains and all of these things that are just so huge. right in
between there he puts into Panama Tada. Holy heat island woman, yet he he and her color come in fusi
comm as well as were generally task Ooh, la her rajala Bay nakooma wet that tone
		

			in feed.
		

			Yet in la comida Kuru from Allah miraculous signs is that he has created for you, spouses, like
yourself, and that he has placed between you, the spouse of husband and wife, love,
		

			mercy, love and mercy to certainly in that there's a sign for those who can think. And so when you
realize that, you can see that supanova the benefits there. They're limitless, the benefits
		

			Have companionship,
		

			that innate natural need to have somebody else in your life that helps to give you a sense of
fulfillment significance to feel important to feel that that hamdulillah there's more to life than
just youth and that you're able to share.
		

			And the more in tune a person is with themselves, the more they'll be able to actually even benefit
and enjoy and maximize enhance this whole project called life. And so panela from them from the
benefits is that the level so behind metallic gives us an outlet to demonstrate our emotions and
emotions make up a tremendous part of us, the emotions of love, our emotions, of caring, of being
kind,
		

			to communicate, we need to speak, we need to have interaction.
		

			sitting alone, being alone working in a cubicle all day, stresses people out, being able to have
somebody to connect with and the building blocks for a family for society as a whole children
		

			to just take the relationship of the marriage to a different level now as a family and so Pinilla so
there's blessings upon blessings and the benefits that are associated with marriage. Awesome.
There's a couple of words because primarily the the channel we're on we have a lot of non Muslims,
and we encourage them always to come back and watch us on the deen show. And for those of you that
don't see us live, you can see all of our shows at the deen, show calm you've heard the word Allah.
This is the Creator of the heavens and the earth, the creator of the sun, the moon, Jesus, Mohammed.
And this whole creation, you've heard the word Subhana Allah, which means glory to this creator,
		

			glory to God, and some other Arabic words will we'll try to define them, so you can get a better
understanding. I wanted to talk about marshman Diem. And you so eloquently explained this, the
benefits because that's what it's all about benefits, what benefits us so I wanted you to explain
this. Tell us now before I go on to the next point, in some religions, some ways of life. You're a
mom, a spiritual leader, correct? How would you define the mom, religious leader? In some religions,
they don't allow people to get married? Can you get married? I know the answer. But for some people
who are listening, I don't think I'd be married. Something natural, isn't it? It's definitely just
		

			as natural as breathing and taking a nap and eating and drinking. Why is it unnatural not to get
married? I just want to touch upon this point just dawned upon me see, because there are some
religious figures who they it totally abstained from marriage. And I feel it's something unnatural.
What is your view on this was Islam absolutely but in your personal in Islam marriage is something
that has been a practice of the prophets and messengers from the beginning. So marriage is the
Prophet alayhi salatu salam, ala peace and blessing be upon him is, as he taught us are mineralogy
bands, when keihan Lisa hammer Robinson at Felisa mini and among the things that he mentioned in
		

			this high dataset, in marriages from my son, or from my teachings from my way, and so whoever
desires other than my way that is not from me, need to get married, you need to get married. That's
the way the prophets that is definitely the way of the prophets and that has been the teaching of
Allah Almighty, the Most Merciful and loving God to give us a taste of what there is an agenda what
there is in Paradise, to just further motivate us and psych us up and is dunya to say, Yeah, man, if
it's like this good in this world, I can't imagine what Paradise is gonna be like. So this desire to
want to be with a woman, the desire to want to be with a man, for a woman to want to be with a man
		

			and a man to want to be with a woman. This is something natural, because also this is something
looked down upon in other religions, some religions will, you know, when you talk about this
sensuality of husband and wife, how does does Islam encourage this within perimeters? Can we discuss
this real briefly? Definitely, absolutely. To be together as husband and wife, it's not an issue of
roles of acting.
		

			The reality and basis and core of it all is giving.
		

			And this is something that's important for us to have as an understanding, because when you go into
a relationship or get involved into something, thinking, What am I going to get? You're going to
enter in from the beginning with the standpoint of hurting yourself, and feeling let down and
hurting others. Yeah. But when you go into it with the mindset of giving, giving and not getting
caught, you realize that you are now in a position to give what Allah has made permissible through
this sacred bond, what Allah has given us of rights and the freedoms of enjoyment, in all different
levels, from the emotional to the physical, to the spiritual, to the intellectual. And so it is just
		

			as natural a need to fulfill in our lives, as our appetites of hunger, our thirst for knowledge, our
need for physical health and well being. And so what we find that people deprive themselves of that
		

			Which is a necessity.
		

			It leads a lot of the times into problems. And this is where you'll find, unfortunately, the crimes
of * of molestation of, of * and all of these other things. Why? Because when you take a
path other than what God Almighty has given, it's almost as if we're saying I know better than you.
And there's no one in their right mind that would say they know better than God. And when God the
Almighty, the Most Merciful and loving has given us a pathway has given us a clear way to live life
to maximize them fulfill, and we choose to do something else, we're going to harm ourselves. And at
the same time, it's even worse when others are harmed. So this is a problem, but in this net, know
		

			that, that recognition for for marriage, the intimacy that's involved with it, the communication
that's involved in the relationship as a whole, it's a blessing. And this is why the Prophet alayhi
salatu salam, Allah is pleased and peace and blessings be upon him, he didn't shy away from it, but
on the contrary, is considered in Islam, one of the points of perfection in manhood, to marry, and
to take it seriously. And to really look to be the best that you can be for that person. And not to
manipulate them, pardon me, but to help them to enjoy life. And to find the happiness that's in this
world. That's going to be a remembrance, a calling point, and attraction for Allah has prepared in
		

			paradise in the hereafter. And so there's nothing shameful about it, there's nothing taboo about it,
there's nothing gross or disgusting about it. On the contrary, this is something that everyone
should be looking forward to. And internally, we have that natural disposition to want to seek it to
look for it. But within the boundaries of how the Creator of the heavens and earth has told us to do
it. So we're talking about marriage now. And we hope that at the end of the show people can, can
relate to totally what you're saying that it's something beautiful we should strive for. And that's
what we're trying to achieve, at the end, give the people encouragement, to run towards marriage,
		

			and to get away from test drive, as they say today. And why is this that today is become something
normal? I call it test drive. And that's really what it is, you know,
		

			going out dating, we know people that have been there, done that. And there's a lot of harms in
this, but it's normal, it's okay to date for a year, two years, maybe even live together, you know,
try things out.
		

			And people are going more towards this, and so far away from marriage. Why do you think this is
enough?
		

			Well, there's probably a couple of different reasons. One is there's that trend within society as a
whole to make that acceptable, even though it's very harmful. You know, we like to think that as
men, we don't have emotions, we like to lie to ourselves and say, it's only women who have feelings,
only women cry. Yeah, it's not true. And so we think that by having these opportunities without
having to actually commit, because at the end of it, if you can have your fun, and not have to
commit to someone and walk away from it.
		

			Why not? Why have to have any type of a special obligation to the person to really be concerned for
them. And that's one of the issues that we have in society today. It's a selfish society where
everything's about me. So relationships are not about you, what I can do for you, but it's about
what can you do for me, you know, what have you done for me lately? Yeah, you know, as the song used
to go. And so you find that in these relationships, where people are not in tune, even with
themselves, with who they really are, and what they really want and are looking for in life, and you
have these doors, these options all in front of you.
		

			It's like that all you can eat buffet where you think that you know what, I paid that $10 at the
door, man, I'm gonna came out, you know, is a pig out. I'm gonna eat like a horse, and I'm gonna
just really get my money's worth, yeah, do we really end up benefiting ourselves? We overeat. We mix
in all sorts of different things. And the same thing with this, you know what I mean? You have so
much variety, when you don't really know what you're looking for almost anything can do. And that's
why you got people falling for this one. And for that one for him and for her.
		

			And they get into these relationships. And the girl most of the time, the woman because of her
biochemistry and her psychology, Allah has made her unique. Yeah, she's really not looking to get
into a relationship, just to kind of you know, wham bam, Thank you, ma'am. And and walk away from
it. The way that men are, where their physical, their sexual desires are so strong that if they can
enjoy themselves, and then walk away and find the second one and the third, and so it's really a lot
of the times the woman that are getting hurt. Yeah. And so what's happening is now you have people
who relationship after relationship, failed relationship after relationship, that the pain that the
		

			scars and the wounds are there, that it's making it all the more difficult for them to really commit
and enter into marriage. Why? Because of the background because of the history.
		

			Because of the bad experiences, you see that women are naturally, if I'm correct created with the
shyness, but it seems like they're going more and more away from the shyness, you'll see that a lot
of the the men are on the hunt. And the women are getting caught up into the whole, you know,
boyfriend girlfriend thing, getting into relationships, the relationships going sour, and now she's
sort of tends to get this extra tough skin on her the extra coat and now she kind of starts doing
with the man starts doing, she becomes kind of like a man where she's out just having fun and test
driving herself. So we're totally going away from what the creator wants us to do. You know, how
		

			could someone get away from this? How can someone get away from from this just, you know, Friday
night relationship, Saturday night relationship? You know, hold down and
		

			date for a little bit and just have fun with it? How could we get away from this and do something
pure? Do what the creator wants us to do? You know, please tell us some advice.
		

			Honestly, it's about being merciful to yourself. Yeah. One of the problems that we have today is
that we're not communicating with our own selves, we are so out of touch with ourselves that we
don't really even know who the person is, that is within this body, this physical form that we have.
Yeah. And so when you don't really know who you are, what you are, what's important to you?
		

			What makes you who you are? How can you respect yourself? How could you handle yourself with care?
How could you look after what's really your best interest? It's hard. So we need to be in touch with
ourselves, we need to be merciful to ourselves, Let both of the men and the woman look to see what
is it that they're really searching for in life?
		

			What is it that they're really seeking in these relationships that are not giving them the results
that they're looking for. And the problem is, is if they don't have that, that in tune with
themselves, they're going to continuously go into another relationship blindly, and still walk out
of it hurt without finding anything. And so this is why when it comes to this aspect of what you're
looking for, you have to begin with yourself, you have to be able to describe yourself, what am I?
Who am I? What are some of the best qualities that I could say about myself?
		

			That I'm loving, that I'm compassionate that I care for others, that I have integrity, that, you
know, I have a great personality, I'm humorous, I could also be serious that I'm disciplined, and
what am I looking for them, when you have an idea of who you are what you are, then you can look at
the other person and say, You know what, these are the things that are most important for me in that
person, that woman or that man, of course, we're not talking about anything of homosexuality or
anything of that sort. But the man looking for the woman to say, for me, these are the things that
are most important because of what I know of myself. Because I know who I am and what I am. And the
		

			things that are most important to me, I can now relate to say that this is the 12 these are the
qualities, this is the person that I would want to marry and have a list to be able to say that, for
example, I want a person who loves God, I want a person who respects themselves, I want a person
who's caring, who's compassionate, a person who loves others, a person who loves to spend time with
other people, someone who also takes their mind seriously, it's not just about the body, someone who
wants to have a family who loves children, someone who enjoys the outdoors, to have these things.
And so now, when that opportunity does come to meet, you have something that you go on by that if
		

			these main most major and important points that you have, if they're up in your mind, or even
better, that you have them in written form, that you can now look to enter into this relationship in
a controlled fashion. Why so that you don't end up hurting yourself over and over again, you don't
give yourself that emotional opportunity to get attached, and then be hurt and let down all over
again. And so when you're going through this and say, you know,
		

			let's find out a little bit about you and the person says, Oh, yeah, you know, for example, I I hate
the outdoors. You know, I love being locked up inside, you know, four walls all day in children who
needs them? If those are things that are contrary to what you find to be so important. You can tell
yourself right then and there. Look, you know, I don't think that this is going to be a relationship
that will work out thank you and minimize this. And it prevented is the beauty of Islam. It prevents
undo unnecessary harm.
		

			Tell us Imam before there's some some things I want to cover for the people who have come to knowing
who their Creator is. they've established a prayer. They're paying the charity. They're fastened
during the month of Ramadan. They're implementing the way of life that all the messages have gotten
implemented. Islam submission to the one guy on his terms
		

			Doing what he wants you to do. And there's nothing less than paradise. Am I? right? Correct?
Absolutely. But now this marriage thing in general, before we go on to the Muslim now, for anyone?
Is it safe to say that if you haven't figured out the purpose of life, who your Creator is what he
wants you to do, that you're kind of just going to be living? Letting your desires dictate your
life?
		

			How can this someone have to come to the realization is into the grip of why I'm here in this life?
Is it just too otherwise? There's no boundaries, because we're talking about something that the
creator says. But if someone doesn't believe in a creator, someone doesn't believe in a higher
power, someone doesn't believe that, you know, look, I make up my own rules. So they can just
continue doing this. And just, you know, test drive in hanging out, letting it all loose, kicking it
as they say, What do you comment on this before we go to the next point, certain of these teachings
of these principles. They're logical, yeah. And they're things that without even having a belief in
		

			God, you can kind of understand, for example, when it comes to stability, and life, this is
something that everybody is looking for, whether they can recognize it and put your finger on it or
not, yeah, nobody likes to have to move from their own home or apartment every single year. Yeah.
And if anybody's ever moved before, they can tell you how much of a headache it is. You can't
realize how much you've gathered in your apartment or in your home until you have to box things up
and move it. Yeah, everybody likes stability, we recognize that there's got to be changing
adaptation. But the same thing with regards to someone who's supposed to be so significant in our
		

			lives. Imagine having to change your parents every year, every two years, every three years to
change your siblings every so often. What type of a life would that be? It would be chaotic, you'd
find that people would probably go senile, and that's what's happening psychologically, it is
destroying the human being, man or woman. It is. So Islam says, Look, if you want to be with this
woman, you got to care for her. And you got to give her her rights, you got to give you your rights,
and it's on in a legitimate way, the way that God wants you to do it, is that correct? It is and
I'll tell you, if you can understand these things from an intellectual perspective, when you add the
		

			element of God of his teachings, it just enhances it takes it spiritually to a level that otherwise
you could have never imagined. Now, instead of the act of you caring for your wife being something
that's just this natural need, it becomes an act of worship, that the wife serving, for example, in
the home with the husband with kids, it doesn't become this burden, it becomes an act of worship.
It's something that elevates one status with God. It's a fulfillment of spiritual joy that makes a
person feel so significant now, because it's no longer this duty. And it's not just rules and roles
and these dry, you know, personalities of things that you have to do this. And I have to do that a
		

			transaction, like a job becomes a mission. And part of that mission is realizing that now you are
not alone. And that everything that you do for the other person where you help to make their life
all the more enjoyable, where you help to bring the best out of them, where you help to nurture and
cultivate in that relationship in that family with the children, a human being that's going to be
proud of themselves, and be beneficial to others where others are gonna find them an asset ages
takes things to a level that could have mother never otherwise had been recognized. so eloquently
put. We're here with marshman Dean, talking about marriage. In Mom, you got the Muslim, the one who
		

			has chosen to submit and surrender to one God, worshipping Him alone on his terms. He's established
a relationship with his creator. He doesn't worship a man hasn't worship an animal. He's worshiping
the one who created everything in his universe. And he's established a prayer five times a day and
everything that comes along, but I meet some brothers now.
		

			I asked him out, brother. Hey, how you doing? You got married yet? Said Nah, brother make dua for
me.
		

			Okay, we make the do out for you. Now, we know that look. When you get in a car, you buckle your
seatbelt. And you put your trust in your crater. When you cross the road. You look both ways. You
put your trust in a law right? But I see these brothers they still making dua, but they ain't doing
the action. Two years later, some brothers literally Three years later, I'm asking them did you get
married it? Nah. Put this sad look on your face.
		

			I mean, are some brothers getting cold feet? Are you procrastinating? Because three years now. Talk
to us. Why our it seems like some of the Muslims who are even doing Islam to do what they're
supposed to do, but they run in from marriage. It seems like the action for what I'm seeing. Now you
teach me from saying something mistake, but from what I'm observing. Many brothers are hesitating.
They're not putting themselves out there doing the legwork, because it's not easy. Doing the legwork
to get married. We want to encourage them after this show that they're going to be a little more
effective.
		

			asterik go knock on some doors, not literally, but you know, we'll make some phone calls, go to the
masjid and rub shoulders with you maybe, and rub shoulders with the other people in the Jamaat ask
question. But we got so timid about this that four years later, five still, and I don't want to 10
years later, the brothers still ain't married, we and the sisters to now talk to us and give us some
advice on this. No.
		

			This enters us into the eight the the area of obstacles in marriage, the first obstacle to recognize
is you yourself. Because in all honesty, if you really wanted to do something, you're going to find
a way where there's a will, there's a way Absolutely, and if this relationship is sacred, most
special, a blended relationship called marriage was a priority, you're going to work night and day
to see that it happens. Because if you recognize the value of something, you're going to run for it,
you're going to play and you're going to prepare, you're gonna do whatever you can to make sure you
get it. This is why when it comes to, for example, other aspects of our lives, where people are
		

			considered successful when it comes to their education, they've graduated high school, and they've
gotten, for example, the good GPAs. And they've gotten all these nice things on your transcript. So
when it comes to college, getting into the College of their choice to get into the field of their
choice, and then the professions and all they've done that why because they put a value to it. They
made that voluntary conscious decision and choice to say, this is something that I want, this is
what I want to go for. And they made it happen by our laws blessings, okay, when it comes to
marriage, the same thing.
		

			And if they recognize the importance of marriage, then they're going to strive to make it happen.
And people are basically in a position of not being married, because one they genuinely are trying,
but it just hasn't worked out. And there's some issues of the obstacles or for example, maybe some
conditions that they placed upon themselves that may be making it difficult. And that leads us into
the field of you know, the ideal Muslim, the ideal Muslim, you know, the perfect husband and the
perfect wife. Perfect and ideal is beautiful, in general, and Paradise is going to be the ultimate,
ideal and perfect. But sometimes we can actually sabotage our own success when it comes to having
		

			qualities that are not present in humans. So that's one of the things a second aspect of it.
		

			A second aspect of it deals with external issues that limited for example, it may be that the person
themselves may have a clearer idea, but the family
		

			the family may have conditions they may have put up obstacles that are now the families making a
difficult he's come to the realization he needs to do it family. We are running out of time. I gotta
ask you, can we do a part two to this? This is getting very exciting. I'm not sure all ears are
glued eyes are on the screen. They want to know we're gonna get into some really exciting things,
how to approach the woman how to approach the man because the prophecy has seven pieces on it. He
was offered marriage by some of his wives, wasn't he? So there shouldn't be no shyness in these
things that the dean Not at all. Okay, we're going to talk about these things. We're going to talk
		

			about a lot of these other issues, but we got to cut out right now. Shake marshman Diem. We're going
to do part two.
		

			And we're gonna look forward to having you back on the Dean's show. Islam is a perfect, complete way
of life. It's total surrender and submission to the Creator of the heavens and earth. We're talking
about marriage. Stay tuned. We're going to have Part Two with Mr. Spend Diem here on the deen show.
We'll see you next time have Salaam Alaikum peace
		

			was upon it.
		

			And it all fell like a tree
		

			and the smile
		

			and I feel like he's my friend.
		

			And as I plan on to his speech
		

			I wish they will never
		

			we should be like the mountain.
		

			We should be like
		

			in praises God
		

			never complain.
		

			We should be