Suzy Ismail – #52 AlHaqq
AI: Summary ©
The speaker discusses the concept of "healthy relationships" and how it can be based on perception. They explain that "healthy relationships" refers to a situation where the person is not telling the truth, but rather understanding the perspective of the other person. The speaker also discusses how parents can use their experiences to build stronger relationships and understanding of one's own perception.
AI: Summary ©
America, it's nice to see you again as we continue to bring the
divine into the daily by understanding how we can
incorporate the 99 names of Allah subhanaw taala into our daily
lives to improve our relationships with our spouse, and with our
children. The name that we're going to discuss today is
unhealthy, which means the truth. Now, the concept of the truth in
our relationships is is a bit of a tricky one. Because frequently,
between husband and wife or between child and parent, we will
hear a statement or a phrase such as, why are you not telling the
truth? Tell the truth. That's not really how it happened. Why don't
you tell how it really happened? Tell the truth. Now, what's
interesting about the truth is that we sometimes like to treat
the truth as if it is an unwavering absolute. But the
reality is that the only truth, the only health, which is
unwavering, which is an absolute, is a hack that refers to the name
of Allah subhanaw taala, because he is the truth. In our day to day
lives, the truth can often depend upon our perception. So rather
than viewing the truth as an absolute that exists outside of us
and who we are, instead, we understand that the truth can be
based on how we view it. So for example, if there is a husband and
a wife, who are in an argument, and the husband may say something
that was hurtful to the wife, or vice versa, the wife may say
something that is hurtful to the to the husband, in recounting the
situation, particularly in the counseling paradigm, which we see
consistently at Cornerstone, the reminiscence, or the remembrance
of what had actually occurred, may be different in each person's
view. So the husband may some say something such as I never said
anything hurtful, I didn't say it in that way, you're not telling
the truth. And vice versa, the wife may also say, Stop lying.
This is how it happened. In that type of a situation, as a
counselor, it's not the role of a third party to say, well, this is
exactly how it happened. You are telling the truth, and you are
not. Instead, the important takeaway from this type of
situation is to better understand the perspective, why does one
person perceive a situation in one way and another person perceive it
in a completely different way? You know, one of the exercises that we
do sometimes in psychology is there will be an image where if
you look at it from a certain angle, that may look like the
image of a young woman. And if you look at it from a different angle,
it may look like the image of an older woman. And, again, we'll
often see that what someone sees first, or how someone analyzes or
assesses the image first depends on what they view as the truth.
This means that the truth is no longer something that is
predictable, or something that everyone has to agree upon.
Instead, it is something that is based on perception, when we talk
about situations within a relationship. So this is very
different from an absolute truth, an absolute truth would be if we
were to say the sky is blue, the grass is green. However, if
someone were to say the grass is a light green, and the other person
were to say the grass is a dark green. Again, this is not a
shifting in truth, it is a difference in perspective. The
same goes for our children, when our children recount a situation
that may have occurred at school that may occur with friends, that
something they may have seen. Sometimes as parents, we may say
something like you're not telling the truth. That's not really what
happened. As a parent, this is where we should stop ourselves and
take a step back and put ourselves for a moment in the shoes of our
child. Why is our child viewing the situation in this way? Are
they really covering up for an action? Or is this how they
interpreted the situation? What is their perception, when we step
outside of our interpretation of the truth, and instead begin to
understand the perception of truth that someone else may be
conveying? This is how we can truly begin to build better
relationships and better understanding of one another. So I
pray that Allah subhanaw taala will help the truth allows our
understanding of truth and our knowledge of truth to expand and
our belief in the Absolute Truth of the Oneness of Allah subhanaw
taala to be our anchor, and everything that we do, does a
couple a little higher, and I look forward to speaking to you again,
as we continue to bring the divine into the daily as salaam alaikum.