Shadee Elmasry – Mothers’ Hour, Being Mom 2
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The speakers emphasize the importance of family and parenting in building healthy dreams and building a dream for family. They also discuss the struggles of working in a family and the importance of small steps to achieve success. The "slack of work" segment introduces a discussion on working in a family and the importance of small steps to achieve success.
AI: Summary ©
Okay, is it?
Okay? Serious love if
all right guys so soundly, go Herberg get to my last pantallas
peace and blessings be upon you. So
I'm just going to brief quickly, Nisha, what happened? We were
talking basically about parenting. But I started I said, we have to
really focus first on the concept of the family and the family
relations in order to be able to provide an atmosphere where we
could actually raise Muslim children. Okay, so last week, we
were talking about or the week before, actually, we weren't here
last week, the week before. We're speaking about the whole concept
of the hash and how every part of it is actually oriented or it's
actually about family starting from we spoke about from the side
between the stuff on the morrow it should remind us of a mother's
compassion over her child. So you couldn't be really performing that
unless you really have that compassion in your heart as a you
know, towards your mother or towards your son. And then from
you know, the you know, how Allah subhanaw taala
had Satan Abraham, Maliki somehow he made a diet, it's the father's
diet that then Angel Jibreel came down and he made the water come
out from underneath the baby snails foot. So it was all talking
about just family relations and the whole entire Quran. It talks
about each and every prophet and how it's related to either you
know, Haroon and his brother, you know, or Satan or Musa and Harun
sorry or sad.
Sorry, Musa, and his mom or everybody or a son, his mother is
somebody and their family relative with somebody and their son, or
their wife or their daughter or something. It's always the whole
way across the Quran, it's just about the family relations
SubhanAllah. Okay, so today, I'm going to still continue
reinforcing, I'm going to go on that again, but in a different
kind of aspect. And I decided instead of just going back and
starting right away from stories from the companions, and the
prophets, which we will do, Inshallah, but I want to talk
about something that we can relate to real life stories from today.
Okay. So and I'd like to start by pointing out a main idea, or
something that's very important, right. And that is to stop
searching for heaven outside, okay? Because heaven is in our
homes, the heaven could be in your home. And that's the way that, you
know, the idea of the family is founded by having the heaven
inside your house, not outside, you know, it's not in going in
finding new clothes, or a new purse, or that shoe that you
really wanted, or those, you know, certain drapes for the curtain or
dressing your child and so on. So brand, it doesn't give you even if
it gives you some pleasure, it's only temporarily pressure and then
after that you feel okay. And then what the real heaven, the real
feeling of satisfaction is in our homes, how we will see that. Now,
if we started looking at the studies that were done about
family in general, you'll find that they usually focus on what
are the problems that exist in these families. Okay. And of
course, it's important to know what what are the problems? Why
are there problems? And how do you fix those, and a lot of effort has
been put into these studies. But you realize that family was
defined from the problematic side, even when they would want to
describe a role model family, they would state, it's the family that
doesn't have so and so from troubles. Okay. So the definition
is coming from the negative, it's not coming from the positive, you
always look at the family. A good family is the family that doesn't
have, you know, a father and mother who do this or you know, it
doesn't say it's the family that has this, you know, I'm saying, so
why don't we describe it in its beautiful, yet realistic form that
pleases Allah subhanaw taala, and will please the Prophet Muhammad,
so Salam, if he would come and visit us in our house today or
tomorrow, I'm not gonna say tomorrow, because we still I'm
sure all of us need a lot of work in our homes. But eventually,
maybe, you know, how would he would you know, how would he see
our homes? Why don't you describe it from this point of view,
instead of just pointing out the problems? Okay, so let's point out
how we deal with these problems. So it lists for example, the
Father, even though we don't have fathers, but at least example the
father's, he has to do 123 And four, the mother, she has to do
this, this, this, and that, and the kids, and so on, so forth,
because everybody has their own role in their own way for this
foundation, or this organization to what to start. And we said, I
was saying last time that the first scene, the very, very first
scene that the entire, you know, idea of creation opened on or the
curtains opened on was what a family, Adam and Eve, it wasn't as
again, as I said, it wasn't a bunch of ladies and a bunch of
men, and they started getting to know each other, learn from each
other. No, it was a family, Adam and Howard. And then after that
they had their children or hobbies, and hobbies, and so on,
so forth. Just to understand that the entire creation was built on
the idea of family, the foundation is built on family. So let's
picture the family together, and see how the mother acts and how
the father acts. And let's try to picture how our own family and
shoulder up if we try to imply and take from these ideas how it will
be, you know, two or three years from now, because it needs
training, nothing just comes like that. We're gonna you know, press
a button and everything's gonna be perfect and wonderful tomorrow
morning, needs work needs practice, we need to work on
ourselves and we need to work with each other. Okay? And I know that
again, as I said, there are no men here, but I have to start again
with the fathers and how they should be and to keep this real
and not just sitting here picturing things and like, oh,
that should be this way and it should be that way and not being
realistic. I'm going to share with you real stories are real people.
Okay?
You know, fiction tonight, it's all real. I'm sorry. No fairy
tales tonight. Okay? So of the examples that we see of our daily
life stories of real people in real life, not a movie that we've
watched or something that I heard about, I'm just coming and telling
you. Now for the picture to be complete, we need to have partners
to agree to this contract, I can say, Okay, I'm gonna go and
everything's gonna be wonderful, my family, without everybody else,
you know, cooperating with me, I can just do it on my own. It's a
whole bunch of different people, okay. And the partners aren't
difficult to get to invest in this contract. It's the partners are
the Mother, the Father and the children. Okay. So it's not
something difficult are investors that you have to go searching
online for and trying to invent, you know, convince them or
persuade them to invest with you in this project? No, you don't
tell me it's impossible. Or it's a dream. You can tell me it's
impossible. And it's not a dream. We're also lost hundreds, Allah
wouldn't have stressed on the fact or the concept that this what
creation is built on? Family, okay? Because if you tell me it's
a dream, I'm going to tell you yesterday's dreams are what are
today's reality? Okay, dreams are a part of our time, your
grandfather's dreamt, and here you are, what are your father, your
grandfather jumped, and here you are today, and you dreamt and you
have what your children and Inshallah, this is as real as it
can be, there is no imagination, they will dream and they will have
their children and so on, so forth. Okay. So today's lecture
basically, is the goal, or the dream that we want to achieve the
final picture that we would like to see. Okay, so let's start
dreaming together. Again, as I said, I will start with the
father's. And I'm going to tell you a real story here. And I can
picture a father, who's always busy, which is natural, our
husbands are always always busy working at night and day life of
stuff, you know, and we have to be able, you know, what are we going
to do, and he has two kids, a five year old boy, and a six year old
girl, okay, beautiful little kids. And from how busy he was, and how
tough life was, he slowly started to drift away from them. He never
deprived them from any money. But he deprived them from what's more
important than that. And it's time. And time is a very important
factor, not just for the fathers, but for us as well. We have to
learn how to, you know, put the priorities in front of our head,
you know, I know I have to cook, I have to clean, I have to do the
lunches for the next day, I have to make sure they're close for you
know, school already. But what's more important, instead of what
you're going to feed their bellies is what are you going to feed
their brains? What are you sitting with the kids and telling them,
you know, what are they hearing? Are you trying to get them off
your shoulder and giving them their, you know, computer game or
giving them that whatever telephone to get busy on. And this
is to me myself before you just to get them off your shoulder so you
can get other things done, that are not going to have an impact on
their life? Or are you trying to say, You know what, we'll eat
whatever today yeah, we'll have something healthy and whatever.
But the most important thing is like, what am I going to feed my
kids minds, okay, we can't expect our kids to come out, be something
great. If we always try to put them off, so that we can do our
thing. And that's what unfortunately happen. These days,
you find parents going investing in the Xbox three, or this or that
whatever it is, or Minecraft, which my fifth graders have driven
me crazy over to all of them, all the kids know, the auditor was
like Minecraft and this level and that level, and they sit there for
five and six hours so we can do our thing. And this is all of us.
I'm not saying pointing fingers, I'm talking to myself before
anybody else. And I know there are necessities in life, but we have
to stop and we have to make the time, we have to make the time for
these kids. And we have to be careful what we put in their
heads, okay. In time for little kids basically means love and
care, giving them a lot of love and care. I don't have to sit them
there and preach them. You know, tell them you know, the Prophet
said, don't know, love and care. And this father says himself, I
was founding a new company. So I needed to work night and day. And
I used to travel for periods of two and three weeks. And when I
would return, I would return when they were asleep. And in the
morning, I would still leave when they were sleeping. And I never
spend time with them. And now in front of my wife's pressure, who's
always nagging me to spend time with my kids. I took my little
girl out, and on our way back home. I was doing this while being
forced to of course, I drove through backroads. And before we
reached our home, my daughter, who was sitting next to me asked me,
which one is the street that you live in dad? So he says, I thought
I misheard her. So he said, What did you say, Honey? She said, your
house that you live in is in which of these streets dad?
He says, I don't have a second wife or another home so that she
would say such a thing. So I asked her what do you mean? She replied,
where do you live? Where are you living? He says I couldn't
convince her that I lived with them in the same house. But it
shook me from insight.
Kids are very bright. We look at our three year olds and our four
year olds, you'll be amazed at the amount of things that they realize
in our daily lives. Where do you live dad? Right? He goes on saying
what? This feeling remained with me for a week until my son
finished me up. And I was organizing my work papers and I
I was looking for a piece of paper that had names of some very
important clients that I had to meet this week. So my son asked
me, What are you doing that? So I replied, I'm looking for a very
important paper that has names of some very, very important people.
So he said, Is my name on it, dad? You know, my important this
little, little kids and this is real. The father says, Everything
inside me was shaking. And I felt agony in my heart. And I decided I
have to make my children in my priority list. And they don't need
money from me as much as they need time and love from me, it's the
most important thing and you'll see them challah when we go
deeper. How the perfect mother Selim would just stop and leave
everything for a little child, you know, and he was the prophet, he
was coming for the entire humanity. He had the load of the
whole Oman, him, he wasn't just like a regular father, regular
mother working the Prophet, can you imagine coming down with a
mess from Las Panatela, but he always made the time for a little
child to stop or ask about them or see what was wrong with them. And
you'll see this later in sha Allah. He said, I started changing
my ways. And I started giving my kids time. And he says, I went out
with them last weekend, since I decided that weekends are
weekends, and therefore my kids, and I took them on a boat ride,
and we ate. And we laughed, and we had a great time. My daughter's
eyes were sparkling with joy, as if she was telling me thank you,
five year old, and we went on vacation. And we tried to fly
paper kites together for a good hour and a half. But we never
really succeeded. And my wife was astonished. Where did he get the
time from?
He's been saying for years, I don't have the time. But now there
is time, since a person feels happiness with his family, they
actually tried to find and meet the time. And the happiness
doesn't just come by itself, you know, you don't just wake up and
expect everybody around you to be happy, you know, you have to work
on it. And that's by building these relationships with the kids
with the husband, you know, with your children or your children
with you or with their father, okay? When you feel that there's
happiness, you look forward to spending time with them, you won't
be going back home and saying, Okay, I'm gonna put him in front
of the TV while I cook, and she's gonna go do whatever, while I do
this, and my husband's outside, that's great, I can go do whatever
I want to do know, you're gonna actually look forward to coming
back and spending the time with the family because it brings
happiness. And it's not easy, because the generation that's
growing with us right now, there are so geared into the whole
technology, they want that fast piece of somebody who's there to
entertain them nonstop. And I keep telling my kids, I'm not a clown,
you know, I can, you know, be with you, I'll do things with you, but
I can't like do a project and then finish the project and then do an
act and then go play. You know, I didn't you know, I can't do it.
I'm a mother, I'm your friend, but I'm your mother as well. So we
have to find kind of ways of maybe doing things with them, you know,
being you know, involved with them. But at the same time, I
understand we have to take care of other things, but time giving them
that time, okay. So he says I on that day, I discovered I was
really happy. But I still had to go back to work. And I had to
travel. But this time, I used to call them everyday on the phone,
not a routine phone call just to fulfill my duty as a father. No.
Every time I called I had a new idea, or a new joke, or something
to stimulate their thinking and their minds. And at the end, I
want their care and their love. And when I came back, I was up at
late or late at work one day, and I found my wife calling me and
saying your son will not sleep unless you put him to bed. And he
had never, ever requested that before. I found myself leaving
work and running back home and making dua that I get there before
they sleep can you imagine from a father who doesn't really care.
And now he's really like, he's like, you know, build up, I get
home before they sleep, okay. And I sat, and I read him a bedtime
story. And he would read him the bedtime story. And in it, he would
dissolve the values and teachings of our beloved Islam. Okay, it's
very easy. The best way to teach kids is through a story. And
believe me, your kids, I believe, until now I left sort of like what
am I in my late 30s Now, I still when my father comes, I love to
sit and listen to stories. I just love listening to stories, you
know, subhanAllah and you learn so much from the values and I you
know, it's hollow. It's just something the amount of stuff you
can teach the kids and stories because kids remain remember
stories. And I even experienced that with my own students that I
teach. I can give them vocab and meanings and whatever. And maybe
after like two, three months, if I come to ask them again, I have to
refresh. They forgot half of it. But if I tell them a story, and I
see them next year, I teach them in, you know, consecutive years,
they still remember the stories that I tell them. They know it and
believe me kids learn a lot from the stories and they can relate to
it. And you can always try to make them relate to what you're telling
them like don't tell them oh, I'm telling you this for this and
that. Just tell them a story, a fun story, but teach them a value
in it. And then after that, you know you can always relate to like
remember the story. You know, what does that remind you of something?
It's always a very good way to teach kids and that is through
storytelling, okay.
And along with the love and many hugs, and by the words, one more
important thing you know the words you whisper in your child's ear
when he's young. You think the words and they're in their ear.
It's not true. When you
You find your own child saying the same words to his own children and
your grandchildren saying it to their children. Your words are the
words of a father and mother they last, and so does your memory
through the valleys you teach your child in the bedtime story. And I
can also relate to that. I found myself the other day, telling my
kids a story that my father used to tell me about Alibaba and the
40 Thieves and how he was honest, and this and that, you know, or
the man who was, you know, all he wanted he cared about was just
being, you know, he was very humble, he didn't want more, but
then his neighbor who was very, you know, greedy, and how he
wanted more, so he ended up with nothing. And I found them actually
telling them the stories and then they were telling my dad the
stories, and my dad couldn't stop laughing, because he used to tell
me these when I was four or five years old, SubhanAllah. So
whatever you teach, these kids will lie doesn't end specially
stories, I can keep on reinforcing on stories, because they last
forever. Very important. I think it's something even fun. I think
all kids love books, and they love stories. And you can just send in
a message here or send a message there without directing them
something that you see in them, you know, that needs to be
corrected, don't tell it to like, go do this or go do that, like,
Oh, look how she's doing this, you know, and you started with like,
Oh, Michelle love, it's so wonderful, you know, behavior of a
Muslim child or whatever. It tried to reinforce. And I'm again, as
I'm saying, it's not something easy, but you could always try to
integrate it during your day, through, you know, through the day
with different things. Now, I can see this father hugging his
children, but not a normal hug. Not I fulfilled my god hug. But a
hug like the Prophet Muhammad. So Salam would give to Al Hassan and
Al Hussein, when they climbed and played with him and jumped on his
back and all over him, and he would embrace him. Then when his
arms went live Salem, to the extent that the Companions would
ask the Prophet Muhammad says salam, do you love them to that
extent or messenger of Allah? And he SallAllahu Sallam would reply,
how could I not love them? And they are my happiness and
sustenance from this life. This is the best I have taken from this
life. Can you imagine this is the Prophet saying, like the Prophet
thinking, like, you know, he had all these victories of the
openings and spreading Islam. But to him the best thing that he got
out of the slide for this little kids, and then jumping on him, you
know, they're jumping over the Prophet Muhammad says, Allah, you
know, this is the prophet, but yet he's playing with little kids,
something normal, this is what we should be doing, you know, we're
always sometimes like, so like, you know, all made up. And so
like, you know, too busy and you know, to play with you, or we
don't have time to, you know, highfive you or do this or do that
SubhanAllah.
Now, I can see this father, now, and his son has grown older, and
he has hit his late teens, and he tells his son Come, let's go and
go for a walk together. Well, they built a relationship growing up
together. So now as they grow older, the father says, now
they're friends. It's natural, you know, and I see them walking like
buddies, okay, talking together, laughing together. And the son
didn't tell his father that his friends are offering him offering
him drugs. But when they got back home, and the boys called the boys
friends called him, he decided not to go out with them. Because his
father had satisfied his need. He doesn't need the friends anymore.
Kids, when they go looking out for friends to talk to, because they
don't find anyone to talk to at home, they find somebody who's
ordering them and bossing them and giving them, you know, commands
day and night, Do this, do that, put this here, put that there,
they won't come and talk with you, they'll go look for a friend. And
unfortunately, nowadays, or I mean, over the press over time,
it's not always something guaranteed that they're going to
have the good or the righteous friends, they always make dua, may
Allah grant our kids and grandkids who have the righteous friends,
okay. But when you build that from when they're young, you build that
relationship. So it's natural that they go for a walk, it's natural
that when you know, somebody, you know, says something to the kids,
they'll maybe they'll just, they won't even come and tell you, but
they will never do it because they don't want to hurt you, your to do
to them. Now. You have such a precious, really precious, you
know, relationship Subhanallah now, now I see the same father,
and he's going out with his daughter, they're having fun. And
people are surprised to see a teenager and her father joking
like that. And they got back home, and she kissed him on his
forehead. And she said to him, thank you, dad. And she didn't
tell him that somebody or a boy was trying to approach her and
wanted to be friends with her. Okay. And she decided not to do
that. Because her father is so dear to her now. And she hated to
be literally her dad or to betray his trust in her. She can do to
him. Her father stood here, how could she? You know, others were
older girls around her doing? You know? But no, how can I do it? My
father is more precious to me. We've been friends forever. We've
been friends for five, you know, how can I do it? You know what I
mean? By seven teams, you know, an 18 SubhanAllah. It's hard. Even if
you think about it, even if you have a regular relationship with a
friend. You know, in general, it's not it's not easy to do something
to hurt someone handle it. I mean, none of us do that. But I'm just
saying when you think about it, it's even more harder for somebody
that you know, forever and you have such love and respect for
them. You would never even like you know, think of like no way
there's no way I could do anything to upset them, you know? So that's
the Father. Now let's move to us a little bit mother's, although a
lot of the past would pass over there again.
and applies to the mothers as well, because a lot of us now are
working mothers, not just fathers, but also a lot of us work and very
busy. And by the time we get home, and whatnot, you know, we don't
have that time Subhanallah now, and I won't tell you about your
compassion, because you already know what a mother's compassion is
like, right? We all know what it were like for a kid, foals were
like, our heart drops in our toes and like, Oh, my God, and you're
on and this and that, unless you're a doctor, and you're, it's
a little bit harder, or a little more, you know, strengthen you.
But I'd like to talk about a new type of compassion, a compassion
that generates energy that inspires and gives determination
and persistence, a compassion that would lead to a renaissance of
compassion, not just for petting, and hugging and that sit No, and
compassion, that's not negative, a compassion that gives a drive and
is proactive, a compassion that will bring us another Salahuddin.
Okay. And again, I'm not saying fairy tales here, let me share
with you another story. Okay. He was a child in 12th grade. And he
was at a school and he started browsing, you know, the internet.
And he came across a website for one of the elite universities
abroad. And he started looking more into their divisions and
requirements to apply and the boarding and the vicinity and the
staff and all of that stuff. And he started dreaming, right, of
entering such University and making a difference in his own he
was a pious trial, like, mashallah, you know, he really
wanted he had that is pretty started looking. And the more he
looked, the more he dreamt, like, I'd love to go to this university.
But this university needed a ridiculous amount of money. His
family didn't have it, or he had to excel with very high grades to
get a free scholarship. So he thought to himself, If I start
studying hard, maybe I can do this. And he started exerting a
lot of effort and studying really hard. And his mother encouraged
him, the normal encouraging that we do patting on the shoulder,
making him a snack or sandwich while he's studying. You know, we
all do that, you know, like making sure that everything's nice and
quiet, and just the regular, you know, encouraging them. And the
first test results come out. And it showed that he was way far off
from what was required. He grades were nowhere near the grades
required to enter or to get that scholarship. So he called his
mother. And he told her, the first results came out. And I started
very hard. I really did. But it seems it's impossible for me to
achieve my dream. I'm quitting. She replied, come to me right now.
He went home. And he found her waiting outside the house door.
And her eyes were full of persistence and challenge. And she
said to him, Go ahead of me straight to your room and sit on
your desk, I sat down, and I found my mother telling me, you are
bright, and you are capable, you will enter the exam, and you will
succeed. And you will accept in that college, and you'll graduate,
and I myself will attend your graduation ceremony. And I will
pray for you from today till that day.
The boy says, From the look in her eyes, I actually believed her.
I believed every word that she said to me, she wasn't she wasn't
just saying that she really knew what she was doing. She knew what
to do.
After a week, one of my teachers found me working really hard. And
he felt very bad for me. And he told me my son, I don't want to,
you know, I want to prepare you, you might not pass the test,
because it's kind of difficult for you. It's a way above your
standard. I found myself responding to him without
realizing, didn't you hear what my mother said? My mother said, I
will succeed. And I believe my mother. The voice says, I wasn't
saying these words out of being naive. But because I really felt
my words that the words that my mother said, and I believed her. I
really believed her and you have that capability. You can make your
children believe anything, except that they can fly, of course,
please, you know, they can achieve anything. But if you really put it
in their head, but we always say like, Oh, why aren't you doing
this, you're never be this, you're never you're always kind of like
you find them slacking up on something. And we always give that
negative Subhanallah these negative comments, which is very,
you know, at one point, the kids will believe it, I can't do it. If
my mom herself says I can't do it, I'm not doing well. How will I
ever achieve it? You know, if this is what we're implanting in their
heads, you know, you're never going to be tidy, you're never
going to be organized. When are you going to do this. We always
have to give that positive reinforcement. He says I entered
the test. And I succeeded. And I traveled overseas and entered that
university. And I graduated, and my mother attended my graduation
ceremony. And I remember the day and I remembered her eyes. And I
loved all the festivities going on around me. And I didn't see myself
at this great graduate being honored. And I walked down to the
crowd and hugged my mom. And I told her I love you. Because all
this prosperity I'm in is from you. He's a great doctor right
now. He's a big Professor right now. This type of a mother can be
a cause of a renaissance generations of renaissance in our
OMA and this is what we need to do. We need to start really
working one on one with our kids. See what your kids want you want
them to be and talk to them from now. You know before they go to
sleep, you're going to be something great. You're going to
change this world. You're gonna do something I don't know what it is,
but you're gonna do something. I felt like to sit in
My daughter's like, what am I going to do is like, I have no
idea, but she will do something great. And that's all you have to
believe one day, you're going to be something very great, you're
gonna do something great for this woman, for the Muslims, you're
going to change the world to a better place, you're going to take
care of your people who need to be taken care of, you know, and she
just looks at me like, okay, whatever, and he goes to sleep,
but you have to keep telling it to them, believe me, they'll believe
it. You can give them that drive, you know, it's, it's, it's in your
hands, you're the mother, you know, you're kind of Yeah, the
Father, of course, is the you know, the sailor. But most of the
time when the sailor is not there, you are the one who was in charge,
you know, put your foot down, and try to really, you know, put that
drive in your kids.
Now, I have to go back again to the relation between the husband
and the wife, because it's very important. Again, as I said, if
there's no kind of calm atmosphere in the house, there is no way you
can actually be able to pass this positivity or that drive onto down
to your children. Okay, now I can see, you know, husband and wife
and their living and that's it. The idea of Mary again, might have
come up a couple of times, and she might have threatened with the
divorce couple of times, and we're living, we have kids, there's
nothing you know, so life is just going on. And I see him one day
picking up a book and reading it, that love is like a plant when you
ordered and nourishes we all heard about that, you know, we planted
it nourishes you don't plant it, you know, don't water it dies, and
so on. And when you neglect it, it withers and dies. And he said to
himself, I've tried love more than once outside my home, did I
fulfill my needs? Or did it turn out to be a mirage? Just like the
Quran says covers the cafe here and met literally a beluga woman
who we believe just like someone who sees the reflection of their
mouth in the water. So he tries to grab his mouth and the water to
you know, to put it up so you can put the water in it, but nothing
sticks in the hand. You can catch anything with through his hands.
Subhan Allah right. So he says to himself, I've searched for love
and ran after my desires. And the result was nothing. Am I happy?
No. Do I feel tranquillity inside? No. Then why don't I try it in my
own home.
So he started doing little things. And this is also again, not just
for the spouse, but for the woman as well. Doing little things,
nothing big or out of the norm. Just simple acts, but they leave
an unbelievable impact on your other half. It made her so happy
or made his wife so happy. Now I see this man, he's coming home
from work. And after he used to say, I don't wanna hear anybody
talking to me, I have a headache. I don't even look in my face. I'm
exhausted. What did he do now? He's standing before entering the
house and telling himself prepare yourself.
Take the intention. I will enter and I'll treat my other half
nicely. Okay, the intention is there. Let's open the door and go
in. Okay. Now I see him walking in. And he's telling her how are
you today? Simple question. Salam aleikum? How are you today? And
she starts talking, he didn't solve her problems. But he
listened to her. And she didn't expect him to solve his or her
problems. either. He didn't expect him to solve his or her problems,
you know, it's not. But she all she wanted was for her husband to
listen. And sometimes that's what all our husbands need is for us to
listen. Right? And the conversation took place between
the two of them, the mother and the father. And there was
something called what good communication? Just because of how
are you, Salam Alikum, how was your day, I'm not going to solve,
I don't have a miracle button to solve all your problems and make
your kids not, you know, go crazy in the house or spill on the
carpet. And you know, and throw up on the I don't know what and do
this and do that and hit each other. And I don't know what, but
I can hear you. And I'll listen to you. And just good listening.
Subhan Allah has an unbelievable impact on relationships, whether
it's with your spouse, or with your kids. Learn how to be a good
listener, when you listen, subhanAllah don't just be like
listening. And you're actually thinking of a million other
things, of course, you're gonna do really listen, even if you can't
really solve, because most of the time, we don't really have a
solution for these problems. But just the fact that you have
someone to talk to and they listen to you, makes a big difference.
Subhanallah now he goes to work. I see him pick up the phone and
saying, how are you? I'm just seeing how you're doing. I'm not
calling you to tell you what he could do for us to date for
dinner, or go get this or go get that it didn't take him any time.
And maybe in the beginning he was forcing himself to do that. And it
was a heavy burden on him. But her reaction was so extreme. She was
so happy that she actually called her that he called her just to ask
about her he wasn't calling to tell her you know, the the
whatever the electrician is coming today to make sure you're home to
open the door for him or this or that. No, he was calling just to
ask about her and the same way again vice versa. Sally go honey,
how are you doing today? That's it. Nothing. What do you want?
Nothing. Just how are you doing? It's like are you sure? Are you
okay? Are you Are you out of your mind? Is everything okay? I have a
fever today or something. Now I see him texting her. When he was
away saying I miss you something normal that should be between
spouses that we don't really see these days much. He realized that
these things these is Allah subhanaw taala when they go to the
wife at home, not to the lady that outside the home, but to the
friend it's outside the home but your wife. So he decided to send
her to his wife and he found her responding like I miss you. And of
course we as women, we respond with like, you know, a two chapter
you know, two page message like, you know, saying how happy she was
and how much she misses him and how happy that he texted her. And,
you know, he was just sending it like that. But it made such a
difference with her. And these little things Apollo make a
difference. Now I see that they had a fight together, because we
all have arguments, we're normal human beings, their days when
we're stressed out, and we argue, and he left the house upset. But
after he left with two minutes, while he was driving, he called
her and he said, You know what, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. And
she quickly replied, Because he said, I'm sorry, yesterday that
you know what? I've been stressed out, too. You know, and I let it
out on you. I'm sorry, to you came back home. Okay. And everything
ended up right. Although his own cousin, because of the same issue
got divorced a week ago. The word Sorry, can make miracles but
Subhanallah the me and us ruins a lot of things. My dignity, how
could he say this to me? And I don't do anything. I know, maybe
he didn't do anything but maybe he was stressed or maybe this or
maybe that, you know, the Prophet Muhammad I sent them says what?
A little Africa so they neither find your you know, your brother
and sister like other person 70 What excuses if you sit down and
the reason why saying that if you sit down and count 70 Excuses by
the time you come up by 670 excuses, thinking like okay, maybe
he you know, had a terrible day at work, maybe his you know, his boss
be little Tim, or maybe he had a terrible, you know, traffic day,
or maybe he's stressed out because of money, or maybe, you know, he
hurt himself, or maybe you had a terrible nightmare. And by the
time you start counting, actually some how long, your heart starts
softening towards that person felt like, your hearts are softening
towards that person. And you actually feel that, you know,
maybe there is a reason, and the feeling of that grudge inside you
doesn't exist anymore. And if you kind of think of 7070 things is a
lot to sit in counter 70. So try to find those excuses.
SubhanAllah. Okay, now, I see him not having to put any more effort
with her. But he's always has these little nice compliments here
and there. Because when you keep that link, you know, are these
channels running between you back and forth, homeless, you don't
need that effort. You know, there's you're all together on the
same page. And she flourished like a beautiful flower, I see you're
waiting for him to return out at night from work, set the table
with his favorite foods, and he stopped eating dinner out and
telling her my work keeps me late. So I have to eat out. So he
started loving coming back home to eat dinner with her and with his
kids. SubhanAllah. It's like one thing, if you think about it,
really, it's one thing leads to another. It's like a chain
reaction. One little thing, and then it just gives this impact and
everything else in your family relations. And again, as I said,
it has a major impact on how your kids because they're sitting in
watching this and I'm telling you something, you can sit your kids
down, and you can preach them night and day. This is right, this
is wrong that even if it's in a nice way, I'm not telling you like
you're lecturing them, you're telling them in a nice way,
they're gonna hear you, okay, but what they're going to do is what
you were doing, not what you were saying
Although present
Sorry.
All right, so let's continue. Alright, so now, I also see I'm
going to continue back again to the same story. Now I see her
she's keen on her appearance and her smile. And I see her keen on
encouraging him, because she didn't know that the thing that
makes a man hold on to his wife is when he finds her supporting him
and encouraging him, even if she doesn't believe in what he's
really doing. But just the feeling that if he's keen on doing
something, just get that supports of how long I see them together.
And how lucky are their kids now to see their mom and their dad
like that. Like I feel bad for kids who have to grow up in homes
never seen this love. They never experienced it and therefore, they
don't take it into their homes. If they see like, you know, mother
and father fighting the whole time or a father degrading their
mother. They think that's the normal girls will grow up thinking
it's normal, it's okay for their husbands to treat them that way.
The boys will grow thinking it's okay to treat their wives that
way. And then you just have like a vicious cycle. It just keeps keeps
repeating itself. Subhanallah you know, it's very, very important
how we are in front of our kids. Very important. Now I want to go
on to another story of an old man. He's called abdomen and he had a
son. His name was Ibrahim, who's a very
Some poor worker in a governmental Institute, right? And he couldn't
read or write, he was illiterate, okay? But he decided I have to
educate my kids and make sure they succeed in their education and
enter university but all with Halal income. Okay, halal money,
nothing that's impermissible. Ibrahim, his son always although
says, although my father was illiterate, he was keen to make
sure we got the best education. And Abraham continues saying My
father had a jar of pickles. All right, an empty jar of pickles.
And every day, he would put in it whenever nickels and dimes he had
in this jar. And he says, I used to be so happy with the jar as a
child, and I would hold it and shake it, to hear the coins inside
it. But when the jar would get filled to the brim, my dad would
exchange the coins into what into bills. And I would hear him say to
my mother, this money is the money that we will educate our son with,
we can have patience and tolerate as long as he gets educated, a
decent education. And he would look at me and tell me, look at my
missin this hand, okay, this hand
has never touched what's haram or what's impermissible, the deed
would accept something that's haram, it's better off to be cut.
Ibrahim says this word was better than 1000 lectures about honesty,
for I see the jar of pickles, and I see my dad holding up his hand,
and his words are ringing clearly in my ears, we would go for days
barely eating anything. And my father would smile and tell me,
it's okay. When you graduate Insha Allah, you will eat the best of
food. And I would ask myself, and when will my father eat.
And the days passed. And he says, I graduated, and I succeeded. And
I got married. And I had kids, and I went to visit my father in his
simple home. And I found the jar of pickles beside his bed, but it
was empty. I told him dad, fill the jar, like the old days, and
give it to your grandchildren. Because however many virtues and
values, I tell them, I will never be able to show them with my hand
like you used to hold it up to me and say, this hand has never
accepted what's haram fill a dad, you were not filling the jar with
coins, you were filling it with values that can never be
destroyed, however old you grow. This old man is a great man. And
if generations are raised like this, okay, by this illiterate
man, we would have countries now or we'd have our own way that's
free of bribes, free of favors, because they know what's haram and
what's Halal just by a simple jar, or empty jar of pickles. Again,
visual examples giving kids things that they can see. And it's not
just that just about the talking. Again, he says himself, giving me
100 lectures about honesty would have never given me the idea it
wouldn't have, you know, stuck in my mind, just like seeing that
empty jar of coins, how it was filled dime by Diamond, nickel by
nickel, and my parents depriving themselves, you know, from
anything, you know, people usually in Governmental Institutes like,
you know, overseas, they will accept, you know, 20 bucks from
here and a 30 bucks from there had never did I take a penny that was
haram. And that's what the sun came out with Subhan, Allah. Now
another young man, like our youth nowadays, and tell our kids, you
know, we'll hit these years, sooner or later, who have their
ambitions and dreams and wishes. But he was very far from his
family. And again, as I say, it all depends on how you start off,
you model with your husband or your wife, you model with them
what you want your kids to be, and they cannot imitate something that
they don't have, I'm going to keep repeating this, they cannot
imitate something that they don't see. It's impossible. I can ask
them to be compassionate if they don't know what compassion is,
because they don't understand what compassion is. I can, you know,
ask them to be forgiving or understanding if I'm not forgiving
understanding if I don't have mercy on my kids, how can they
have mercy on me when they grow older, it's not going to happen.
It doesn't just happen, okay. Now, he was far from his family. And he
never realized that his father devoted his whole life for him.
And this is a true story. Again, he was a soccer player a long time
ago. But he wasn't a very distinguished player, because he
was lazy. He was lazy, just like most of our kids are. Now
unfortunately, or the youth that we see nowadays. They just are
very laid back. They don't have that ambition. They don't care.
They just do the minimal of things. And unfortunately, again,
I think it's a lack of us as parents, giving the drive to our
kids, we have to keep on behind them and pushing them and pushing
them harder to be better inshallah. He didn't care about
his training sessions. He didn't care about his physical fitness
and so on. And then once he was absent for a whole week,
and his father died, and when he went back, it was time for an
important game. So the coach took them out of the team to play since
he was absent for the whole week. There's no way he's not fit. He
hasn't you know, he hasn't been warming up. He hasn't been
training. But the coach was surprised to find this player
coming to him and telling him, I beg you. Don't deprive me from
playing in this match. I beg you let me play. He replied. You've
been absent for a whole week. He said, I'm begging you please this
match specifically let me play. The coach says I saw in his eyes
an unbelievable amount of persistence. So I just kind of
gave him and I let him play. He says I was amazed for I found an
ad during all possible moves with a soccer ball that could be done
on that field. Okay, as if he was some sort of international player.
And when the game was over, I told him my son, I was rubbing my eyes
because I couldn't believe what you were doing. You know, there's
no way it could have been you. He replied, My father passed away a
week ago. And he lived his life for me. And all he wanted, was to
be proud of me. And all he wanted was for his son to be successful.
But unfortunately, he was never proud of me during his life. He
died while I was a failure, my dear coach, he lived for me, and I
lived for myself, and for my moods. And again, as I say, this
boy, I'm sure he did not see what it is to be living for others, he
must have not seen that. You know, I'm not saying that this is I
know, some people are out of the norm. But the norm when you see
people doing things, they they fall into the same path, you know,
unless it's Allah's will, of course, then that's a different
story, okay. All I want is for my father to be proud of me, I want
him to be proud of me, even if it's on the day of judgment that
his son is successful. From today, you'll find somebody else, and he
did change. So to summarize all these true examples of people
living around us, we have to understand that the family again
is a foundation, okay. And in order for the foundation to
succeed, it's not enough for them to cooperate. No, there has to be
a set of rules and plans dreams, not just for each member of the
family individually, but for the family as a whole. You can say,
Kay, my dreams, like I want to achieve this in this in my work.
And in a couple of years, I want to have my masters in this and I
want to have that my husband wants to achieve this and that my
daughter wants to graduate. Okay, that's great, wonderful. Everybody
has their individual dreams, what is your goal as a family together,
you have to sit down, even if it's small goals with our kids a little
younger, like, Okay, we want to maybe by this time, you know, we
would have helped so and so and have memorized ones of the Qur'an
and we'd have bettered ourselves in visiting maybe people who are
needy or whatever it is set a little goal, even though they're
little steps, little steps, things. But you have to have
something that you do together. That togetherness and remember,
when we're talking before about, say, not even be Taalib, we used
to say what when,
say the Alfred Fatima or Johanna, the daughter of the Prophet, I
know, like the House of Horrors, with the sounds there. Sorry. So
see the Fatima member, she I don't think you guys weren't here. But
anyway, how she was so tired. And the Prophet Muhammad Salam had got
some some people who sent them servants for him some slaves. So
she went to audition, told her you know, to his wife and told her,
you know, I'm really tired, I'm worn out when my father comes
back, tell him that I want to serve it, right? It's the Prophet
Muhammad says salam said, you know, to his wife, Aisha, there is
no way there's going to be people who are poor living here, and I'm
going to actually give my daughter servants, you know, I would rather
sell that, you know, give them away or whatever, and give money
to the poor people, Muslim poor people. So I heard this. And then
she was very upset to the Prophet Muhammad, Salem winter, and he
found her and Ally sitting in the bed. So he went, and he snuck in,
in the middle between them, right? And he said, you know, can I teach
you something that is better than that? So she said, What do you
know, she's like, I'm tired in I'm worn out. And so and so he said,
Can I teach you something that's better than that, that you're
going to ask you for something give you a lot of health. So he
she said what he said, together, both of you said together? He
didn't say you on your own, and he's outside in the living room or
down in his study? No, together, you do SubhanAllah 33 times
Hamdulillah 33 times and Allahu Akbar, what? 34 times, right. And
it's, I don't even know what all it says, I have never, ever after
that complaint from anything in my body, or ever needed help from
anybody. And I never forgot it, forgetting it, except once in one
of the battles I forgot to say. And after I remembered I set them
right away. But the key was to it to the whole thing was what of
having this working is the togetherness, we have to
understand that there's no such thing as me, and you and the kids
are me and the kids and you or you and the kids and me, it's us
together. We have to understand that that's how Allah subhanaw
taala wants it to be. It's not just because the studies No, this
is how Allah subhanaw taala wants it to be. And they tell you, if
you're not going to have if you're going to have less families, then
you should have more jails build more jails to say, because the
less family you have, the less family values you have, the more
you're going to find kids diverting away from their families
ending up God knows with what accepting what from other kids,
whether it's drugs or crime and ending up God forbid in jails or
being psychotic or whatever you see here what we see here about
these kids going on rampage, just shooting other people because
there is no family. They didn't experience what a family is Panem
Okay, so it's not impossible. Again, as I said, to have that
little goal, even if it's tiny goals, something that would fit
with the age of your children, just little things as they grow
older, make the goals bigger by this time we want to do this
together. And I have a friend like an older sister was a friend of
mine, and she tells me the best time of my life is when me and
My daughter in summer, we decided to memorize one ad together. She's
like we're memorizing together, I'm much older, she's like, she's
like in her 60s, her daughter is in her 20s. But they're memorizing
it together. She's like, it's the best feeling Subhanallah so I hope
all of us inshallah can accomplish that. It's not impossible for the
heaven to be in our homes. Because the stories I shared with you,
again, are what are nonfiction. These are real stories, real
people, their real experiences of real people, things that can be
achieved, the actions that you take, you know, they're very
small, but when you put them all together, you see the big picture
of something called the family. Together, you see the warmth, the
feeling of inner peace. Subhanallah you feel this Akina?
You know, sometimes you go into these big homes and fancy and
shmancy and you don't feel like they're Sakina there is no that
tranquility that home Subhanallah you don't find it there, somehow.
And sometimes you go to somebody's house, I don't know, maybe you
experience if you go back home, especially someone's home is very
simple. And you know, there's nothing much in the house, but you
just feel so comfortable. You could you just could just want to
live with these people. They're happy, they're smiling, because
they're together, they care for each other, they love for each
other Subhan Allah, I still insist like last time, there's something
that we have that the rest of the world doesn't have. And that's the
warmth of our family relationships. Believe me, it's
not hard. It's in your hands to go back home tonight. And take that
intention and start. So I'm not going to tell you change the
world. But start taking intention, take one intention of something,
I'm going to do this tonight with my husband or with my kids, okay.
And believe me, nothing is going to please Allah subhanaw taala
more than the fact of you guys being together, unified together.
And you will see that the real heaven can be in your home. But
when you take the intention, take the initiative and start tonight,
whatever it is something small, but leave here today please with
the intention, the name because the fact that we're taking this is
not just that we're going to share stories, but we have to act upon
it. You know, that's what the Sahaba did when they heard of or
verse or an A or something, whatever it is, they didn't go to
the next one until they first applied it. So that's the same
initiative we should have when we learn something or hear something
act upon it even if it's something small, I'm not telling you Let's
go like we're going to be perfect mothers and perfect wives. Doesn't
happen. But something small taken a year in your hearts inshallah
before we go home, and try to do it in sha Allah and may Allah
Subhana Allah accept from essential Los Alamos and Hamadan
earlier Savio Salam
and eternal christening please you