Safi Khan – Soul Food The Fear of Missing Out
AI: Summary ©
The speakers emphasize the importance of trusting oneself and others in achieving success, building on successful accomplishments, and preserving mercy with parents. They provide advice on how to present conversations in a non-p attracted way, set values, and pursue sun prais while reminding attendees to work hard for their highest level of dental. The speakers also emphasize vulnerability and the importance of preserving mercy with parents and being gentle with them.
AI: Summary ©
Alright.
Everybody.
Hope everyone's doing well on this frigid
November evening
here in
Dallas. That's a coat's on. Right?
We're really happy to see you guys,
on another Thursday here at Roots.
Really, really happy that everyone's able to come
out. I know that obviously Soul Food was
actually at a different location just 2 weeks
ago. And ever since last Thursday, we kinda
transitioned over this way. And so tonight, we
have a really cool kind of topic to
introduce and reflect with everybody about, and that
is the topic of
the fear of missing out.
What does that mean in Islam? How do
we translate it out to our day to
day social lives? How do we deal with
that internally as people? Because, you know,
this idea of, you know, the fear of
missing out, that feeling that if we're not
somewhere that somehow
our, you know, our self worth, our worth
of, you know, what we value ourselves with
somehow it gets depleted.
How do we combat that as people? How
do we instill confidence in ourselves? And what
what is true value of the self? Right?
And we're going to be sharing inshallah
a few narrations, some reflections from the Quran
and the example
of the prophet that will help us kind
of transition through this this topic tonight.
And and I think it's gonna be really
amazing because we're gonna do a little bit
of a q and a at the end
as well. And I actually implore that everyone
kind of asks really, really sincere questions from
q and a will actually
tell you all the format of what how
we're gonna be married to you and a
at the end. It'll be a little bit
more anonymous. If there are people who wanna
ask anonymous questions, there's a little bit of
a cool website they can just go to,
on your on your Safari or Chrome browser.
Just plug in, like, a little 6 digit
code and answer or ask any sort of
anonymous questions. Shabla. So, I'll go ahead and
let Stella Fontima,
come up and share her reflections,
on this topic, then Stella Murphy will
with the session, and then we'll do a
q and a with all 3 of us
at that end. So okay.
I hope you guys are all doing well.
I always struggle with this mic so weird.
So the topic for today is FOMO,
fear of missing out.
And this is something that,
you know, a lot of times when we
talk about it kind of like we'll start
suffering and journey before,
we're talking about it in the context of,
you know, there are things that you wanna
engage in with these places you wanna go,
things people you wanna hang out with. And
you may recognize
that this may not be the right decision
or it may not be the right place
to go or the right people to be
around.
But then there's a part of you that's
like, but I really wanna do it. Like,
I really wanna go. I really wanna hang
out with these people. I wanna do this
thing.
But FOMO can happen in 2 aspects, actually.
It can happen in the aspect of doing
something or missing out on something that you
wanna do that may not be the best
for you, and it can also happen in
the aspect of something good. That there's something
good that you really wanna do and perhaps
you're
afraid to miss out on that good deed
or you're afraid to miss out on that
blessing,
and maybe circumstances just don't allow for you
to be able to do it. So it
has two ways. It it doesn't have to
only be a negative thing. It can be
a semi positive situation as well.
So in the very first, though, the very
first way of missing out on something
in regards to something that's not necessarily the
best for you or something that's not good,
you know, there's a story in the life
of the prophet
pre prophet.
So we know that the prophet Muhammad was
someone who Allah
protected. And Allah really protected him and Allah,
facilitated
that protection especially before prophethood
Because when the prophet became a prophet, he
had a mission
to to give out to the people. He
had to guide the people. He had to
be a leader. And so the prophet
he narrates, he talks about his life pre
prophethood,
and he talks about a time when he
was a shepherd. So the young man, he
was a shepherd. He used to watch, you
know, some people's animals are always safe. And
then he said that when he were coming
to Mecca, because it will be very, very
late. So when he would come into Mecca,
he would hear some some, like, noise, sound
like people were having a pretty good time.
So he asked one of the one of
his
people, one of the people that are there,
he said, what's happening over there?
And that person said, well, it's a wedding.
You know, so and so married so and
so. And so there's a party happening, and
you should go. So the cops are some
sort of okay. So then he tries to
go and then he says that the only
way he realized that he didn't make it
was because the sun woke him up. Okay.
So he didn't make it to the to
the place. So the next day, he goes
to work again as a shepherd. He finished
his work. He comes back into the city,
and he hears that people are having a
good time a second time. And then he
asked another person. He said, what's happening over
there? And he said, oh, it's another wedding.
You know, everybody's having a good time, just
partying, so on and so forth. These are
not, like, Muslim weddings. Okay, guys? There's, like,
a whole bunch of other stuff happening there.
And so the prophet, he says, you should
check it out. And so the prophet says,
okay. I'm gonna go. So he goes and
then he doesn't make it. And he says,
again, the only way that I realized I
didn't make it is because the sun
woke me up. Basically, he kept Austin Fire
kept making him pass out and he tries
a third time.
And then this third time, the same thing
happens and at the end of it, the
prophet
says that Allah
protected me. My God protected
me. And he says that I never I
did go back to work and I did
come back into the city again, but I
never had the urge to want to go
to this place.
What we learned from this is many things.
1 is that sometimes there are different things
or different places or different situations that are
probably not the best for us and Allah
protects
us. And finally, the protection that Allah gives
us is that he gives us a conscience,
and our conscience tells us this is not
something we should do. Okay? So lustrefly does
it's not that lustrefly doesn't protect us, he
only protected the past and from. Lustrefly does
protect us. It gives us a moral compass.
It gives us a a conscience,
And our conscience tells us, hey. This is
probably not the best idea.
And sure, you have a part of you,
which is a part of yourself, and we
talked about this last week.
Your enough amount of result. We talked about
this also a couple weeks back. So sure,
you have a part of you that's always
trying to convince you to do things that
are not so great, but you have a
bigger part of you that lets you know
that this is probably not the best thing
for you. And so what the prophet says
at the end of that is that he
says that protected
me and then he set me up for
for
prophet.
That a lot of times there are things
that we're tempted to do or things that
we want to do or things that we
wanna engage or people we want to hang
out with because they may show us a
good time.
Or we're like, man, everybody's gonna come back
and they're gonna be talking about that one
party, and they're gonna be talking about that
one incident. Everybody's gonna have, like, these inside
jokes that I can't be a part of.
That I won't understand or I won't get
it.
But when you are able to because part
of not letting phone will get to you
is discipline. So where when you're able to
be disciplined with yourself, what happens is that
you open up the door for so much
good.
You open up the door for yourself for
so much good. And so sure you won't
get those inside jokes, but who cares?
Because there's a ton of other memories that
you're able to make that won't cost you
your sanity.
Because sometimes you may give in to that
side and then what happens? You end up
regretting it. You end up being
upset with yourself. Why did you do that?
Why did you go there? Why did you
hang out with this person or that person
or do x, y, and z?
So a lot of times what happens is
that FOMO or feeling like I I don't
wanna miss out on this good time. It
seems like everybody's doing something so great over
there.
A lot of times what that is is
just you yourself assuming what everybody is doing.
It's you yourself also thinking that, okay. I
can't ever have this good of a time
not committing x y z f or not
doing x y z thing,
well, that's not necessarily the case.
You can have a good time and not
be guilty about it.
You just do it within the parameters and
the boundaries that has placed for you. You
can enjoy your friends. So you guys can
hang out. You can laugh. You can chill.
You can joke. You guys can whatever.
Be however facing whatever you want.
And it can be an an amazing time
without crossing the boundaries that lost my brother
has placed there.
That at least now you're actually fully enjoying
that time that you're spending
at that place
as opposed to somewhere where the bigger part
of you is you know, you shouldn't be
here.
You know, you shouldn't be doing this. You
know, you shouldn't be talking to this person.
You know, you shouldn't be acting this way.
Then are you really happy at that time?
Are the inside jokes really that much worth
it?
Is it really that deep?
That's the questions you have to ask yourself.
Now the second the second aspect of the
law is when a person
wants to do something good, like, they really
want to do something good.
And it's very the circumstances don't allow for
them to do it. And so they have
this big fear of missing out of the
on those blessings or missing out on that
experience or missing out on that good deed.
And so you have what our lost one
fellow says in sort of I mean, sort
of sorry number 23.
He gives the characteristics of someone who's successful,
a successful person.
A person that is successful in the eyes
of a lost one.
And at the end of it, the characteristic
that he says is
That they are the ones who rush towards
good, and they will get that good that
they rush towards.
Now
when we talk about the life of the
process, there's so many companions around him
that they did a lot of good deeds
and they would compete in good deeds. And
amongst those companions was Osman bin Affan that
he lost for him. And Osman bin Affan
served as a close friend, a close companion.
He was somebody who was, you know, the
prophyl system's buddy. You know, he spent a
lot of time with the prophyl system.
And Islam bin al Haram al Rahman al
Rahman, he was known for many things, but
one of the things that he was known
for is his modesty.
He was known for his modesty
to a point where there was a time
when the prophet was just chilling
and he was hanging out, chilling with some
companions. And when Usman and a family walked
him to the room, the father further, like,
pulled down his garment some more.
And I actually go to the law and
she asked me to,
well, you were chilling with all these people
and then Usman walked in and you, like,
pull your clothes down some more. And he
said, shouldn't I have some like, an extra
level of modesty in front of someone who
the angels are marvelous in front of? Because
that's that was the caliber, that was the
nature, that was the demeanor
that Usman bin Nathan had when they walked
along.
When the battle of Baba came around,
who do you guys think would have been
was at the forefront? You have stories about
how Abu Bakr dealt with the battle. Omar,
you have stories about so many companions and
how they dealt with the battle and how
they were there and how they were supporting
the Muslims. But you don't hear stories about
Usman bin a family either.
And it wasn't because he didn't want to
go. In fact, he wanted to go
and he was hurt that he couldn't go
and he was sad and he was upset
that he couldn't be there. But his circumstances
didn't allow
That
he was married to the daughter after prophet
sallallahu alaihi wa sallam,
Raqqaihi. And at that time, she was very
ill. She was very sick.
She was very ill. She was very sick,
and he had to take care of his
responsibilities.
And at that time, his responsibility was his
wife.
And even though
he is a companion who is technically,
able to go and fight, and this was
the first battle of the Muslims. Imagine.
You had younger companions who were begging the
prophet can we go? Can we go? Can
we go? And we talked about this last
week and we got a UHDE begging because
this was like, you're gonna be a part
of history.
This is gonna this is definitely one for
the books.
So, obviously, Uthman, when I found out he
wants to go. He wants to be there.
He wants to be in the battle of
mother. He wants to fight next to the
prophet.
He wants to finally get to defend himself
and his religion.
Finally.
But does he get to go? No.
Because of his responsibilities,
and he's sad about it.
But when he when the news reaches him
about the victory of the of the battle
of Rabat, the Muslims won,
when news gets to him, that brings a
little bit of happiness to him because his
wife ends up passing away. Requires her to
be a local on high. She passes away.
And so he's a little bit happy. He's
like, good.
I'm happy at least the Muslims want.
And then the prophet comes to him and
the tells him that you received the rewards.
Allah is gonna reward you with the same
reward that he's given to the martyrs of
other even though you didn't go.
Why is that?
Because it's his sincerity.
Because he couldn't go because of circumstances, not
because he didn't wanna do a good deed.
Not because he didn't wanna go.
But he did what Allah commanded him to
do still and that was to take care
of his family.
So sometimes
our circumstances
don't even allow for us to do good
things,
but it doesn't mean that you're lacking in
that deed.
What it means is that will reward you
for your intention. That's why Islam is so
beautiful.
That you made the intention to do something
good and God God said I got you.
You made the intention to do good, I
got your back.
I wanna reward you because you are trying
to do better,
because you are trying to put your best
foot forward.
And so all of my thought has
back.
So when you think about, you know, different
things, maybe there's something you want to volunteer
for
and the time just completely passed you or
you are swamped in work and school and
family.
Don't go home and get mad at your
mom because she asked you to watch bishop
and you wanted to go feed the homeless
downtown.
No.
That's your responsibility.
Recognize that Allah will reward you
for your intention. He will reward you for
trying to do something good and you will
get that reward.
So at the end of the day, when
we talk about missing out on things,
know that when you miss out on something
that's not good for you, that's bad, that's
not good for you, you actually did not
miss out in the first place because it
was not for you. It was not good
for you, and you shouldn't be there in
the 1st place.
And know that if it comes to missing
out something that's good for you, you did
not miss out either. Because the law of
will reward you for your sincerity and for
your attention.
This topic,
is really good. It's really, really good
because
even though this is soul food and the
conversations are geared towards,
the the experience of of students on campus,
college students,
This is something that plagues, like, everybody,
everybody.
It's one of those rare,
you know, personal
struggles that, like, doesn't matter how old you
get. You're always gonna have that question mark
above
your mind when it comes to certain moments.
And some of those moments are, like, pretty
big deals.
Like, some of those moments, you know, many
of you probably have experienced this with
maybe, like, what major
college you should go to. In fact, I
know for a fact from my conversations with
some of you previously in previous years that
that definitely was something that you struggled with.
You know, thinking one thing and then Allah
guided you gently towards something else.
And as you get older, then it impacts,
like, your decisions about who you get married
to, which is why you're all here tonight.
I'm joking.
It better not be. Alright. Although, this is
church. So anyways but we don't get married
to churches.
See.
Sure. Alright.
So who do you get married to? Like,
the the question of of marriage, whether or
not this person's right.
How many hundreds of times do I praise
tiktatah?
How many dreams do I have to see?
And then once you get married,
like buying a house, something a job offer,
where do I live? Quite literally
every fork in the road
that you arrive at in your life, you're
always gonna have
the what if.
You know, you know, if only what if,
if only what if. And it is a
hadith, the prophet where he said that that
statement, love, is from Shayfa,
that it can absolutely,
like, conquer
you, and it can completely deflate your trust
in Allah.
That if a person becomes
submissive to the idea of what if, it
can take away any semblance
of trust in Allah's plan.
Now these things are easier said than done.
It's easy for me to sit up here
and tell you this. It's easy for me
to talk about this abstract,
but there's a reason why the silah exists.
Why is it like the prophet exists?
So that he can tell us. Allah ta'ala
said
that the prophet
is a beautiful example
for all of us to look at. There
is a story
that as soon as I saw the topic
for this session tonight, I thought of the
story right away.
And the reason why is because we're kind
of, like, meta living that story right now.
Can I tell you guys something? Anyone here
been for Amrita before, Amrita Hudge?
Anyone? Okay. So you know it's an amazing
experience. If you haven't gone, it is truly
one of a kind. There's nothing like it.
You know, all the vacations in the world,
all the different, you know, resorts are
going to visit where your parents might be
from or you might be from. Fun, exciting.
Umrah is like next level.
There's so much, and it's not just the
fact that there's a 5 guys in Mecca.
That's halal. It's not just that. There's so
much
discovery that happens there internally.
You know, you find yourself wanting to go
to prayer, excited to go to salah, and
you're like,
who is this person? Who am I? You
you transform into the best version of yourself
when you're there.
And so
now with the pandemic, this is something that's
not on the table.
Can I tell you how tragic it is?
There was literally it was not a Fatima
and just not a Oxford, you 2. Right?
You both were going in March or just
they were literally
the next day.
Was it the next day when you found
out you weren't going?
It was, like, 48 hours. I want you
guys to imagine this. This is a trip
that you look forward to for weeks weeks
weeks, maybe months.
And I'm not joking
when news of the pandemic had finally become
mainstream America,
because I went for OMRON in December. Actually,
Safi and I both went. We took a
group in December, and we had heard whispers
of COVID, coronavirus, COVID.
They were typical arrogant Americans were like,
come at me, bro. You know, like, let's
see what you got.
And we have one friend,
one friend who in January was wearing a
mask
in Boston.
He's a he's a scientist. He actually develops
vaccines.
And you know when he texted us when
we got back from Ramadan? He goes, you
guys have no idea how serious this is
gonna be. You're all, like, living it out.
Do whatever you want. You have no clue.
You're like, yeah. Shut up, math man. Now
we're all like, hey. Do you have any
extra masks?
Well, lucky. I'm not I have the conversation.
I feel so
remorseful over how I spoke to him because
he was
he wasn't he was more than right. You
know, he's spot on.
So come March, okay, there's another group people
who's supposed to go to Ombre.
The excitement is palpable. I mean, just so
much
so much excitement, so much to look forward
to. 48 hours beforehand,
they start to get phone calls. There starts
to be whispers, there's sharpie rumors. Umrah is
not gonna happen. Nobody who has an Umrah
package, nobody who's going back to Medina, it's
not happening this year.
And I was there. I mean, I was
watching most of the Fatima as she's calling
the airlines trying to get refunds for her
tickets. This is, like, such an unprecedented
situation. So the airline company, no one knows
how to answer these questions. It's crazy.
Pandemic hasn't happened in a 100 years.
Right?
And subhanallah,
I shake up the gospel, and you guys
know he's my teacher. I
have such a lighthearted relationship with him. I've
never seen him so sad in my life.
I've spent a lot of time with him.
I've never seen him so sad. That was
probably out of all the moments I've
seen him, that was probably the second most.
Later on in the year, his his teacher
passed away log on my log first. I
mean, that was the greatest sadness I think.
But that umbrella being canceled,
unreal.
There's a moment from the Sierra where that
happened,
and there's so many little
lessons
from
the story of Khudevia,
where quite literally, you could probably put yourself
in those shoes or sandals. You could definitely
understand the emotions of what was happening.
How did it begin?
The prophet
one night had a dream.
He had a dream that he was in
Maktah.
Now this is like years
this is years after
being
chased out of Mecca. I want you to
understand. Many of us, we think about going
for Amrud, going to Mecca Medina. It's more
so a matter of money, time.
Now it's a matter, obviously, of health too.
Imagine if it was a matter of life
and death.
Imagine if you wanna go to Hamra, and
your question was, well, if I go,
will the Meccans kill me?
That's what it was. It wasn't it wasn't
like a a choice thing. No. Oh, you
know what? If I start saving up, maybe
next year or the year after, I can
go. That wasn't what it was. For the
prophet and the Muslims in Medina,
Mecca was home for so many of them,
for all those who migrated.
And when they left,
they didn't get to pack their things and
move to Medina all nice
and and and sweet and smooth. No. They
literally had to escape, 1 by 1, 2
by 2, in the middle of the night.
In the middle of the day when people
were napping or resting,
2 Muslims would disappear from Mecca. And the
next day, the same thing and the same
thing. And they left their houses and their
belongings. Imagine you left from here tonight. I
told you guys, get in your car, drive
to Austin, leave everything. Whatever you have on
you is what you're taking.
That was the hijra. The hijra wasn't something,
like, romantic, like, wow, Medina, like, postcard Medina.
Like, it wasn't like that.
It was a really traumatic experience.
So I want you to imagine you arrive
in Medina, you're happy, you're safe, but all
you're thinking about is all your belongings and
your friends and your family
that you left back home.
And now multiply that times 1, 2, 3,
4, 5 years now.
So the prophet
has this dream,
where he is standing in front of the
Kaaba,
his head is shaved,
and he's holding the key
to the Kaaba.
He wakes up
so happy,
like, just overjoyed.
He goes to his companions that morning. He
tells them, how do you think they
feel? He tells
them, this is the dream that I had.
Let's get ready to go for Ramadan.
And there is energy
in Medina like you've never seen.
That's like a Donald Trump line. Now whenever
I say, like, you've never seen, I hate
just a little bit more.
There was energy in Medina that was
just it it was unprecedented.
We're finally gonna get to go back and
see the Kaaba.
We're finally gonna get back go back and
get to make the waf. We're not you
know, the last time we were there, we
were having stones thrown at us, dead bodies
of animals tossed on us, you know, feces
tossed at us. People were cursing us in
the street. They were pulling our hair. Our
friends were killed right in front of our
eyes.
We never thought we'd be able to go
back home
and see the Kaaba ever again.
And now the prophet is saying he had
a dream.
Why does this why does this lesson fit
so well with FOMO? The idea of
being scared that maybe something that you should
be doing, you're not doing.
Because so many of us,
first of all,
because to some aunties, you have to have
a dream.
Okay? Praise tafada. Praise tafada, and if you
have a dream, you're good to go.
But regardless,
dreams can be the subconscious telling you that
you want something.
So many people, when they desperately have this
deep yearning for something, they manifest in some
sort of dream.
I imagine myself here. That means that I
should be doing it or I really want
it. I even dream about it now.
I wanna go to this school so bad
I even dreamed about being on their campus.
I dreamed about myself as a doctor. I
dreamed about myself as this or that.
The prophet had this dream. The only difference
between us and the prophet
is that his dreams
are not the result of this subconscious.
His dreams are guided by Allah,
their revelation.
So when he receives a dream, it's not
like you and I. You and I, maybe
we just had too much chicken or something
in that and they're like, we drank milk.
I don't know. You know, these dietary things,
and you have a dream. You're like, that
was weird. Right?
The prophetess also, his dreams were not like
that. His dreams were protected,
and they were guided by Allah. Whenever he
had a dream, it was part of Wahi.
It's part of our relation. So he took
it as a sign that we have to
go.
So they gather and get ready, but now
they're all excited. As they're getting ready to
leave, they're starting to come to the realization
that this is kinda strange. Why? Because
there's no way that we're just gonna be
able to walk on in
into into Mecca. That's just not you know,
the people there by the way, we just
got done fighting them in the battle of
the trench.
Just a few weeks prior, we just got
done fighting these people. We had a 21
day
stalemate where we both looked at this trench
and fought each other,
and they tried to come around and sabotage
us by joining one of our tribes in
the city and attacking us. We are gonna
go now to the city of the people
that we just fought. No way.
But, nevertheless, they went.
They go and they travel, and this is
a long story, and I don't wanna take
too long. But they go and they travel,
and they arrive
a little distance, maybe, what, 15 minutes by
bus.
So maybe, like, an hour walking outside of
Mecca.
After days of travel from Medina to Mecca,
days,
9 days, 10 days of traveling on foot,
and they arrive. They're about an hour away.
So if you're driving for 4 hours in
a road trip, and you're 1 minute away
from your
Think of the relativity. Right?
They get there,
and the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam's camel,
Aswa,
stops.
Just doesn't move anymore.
This happened before too in Medina.
Remember when the prophet
said she will pick where I stay? She
ended up picking in front of the house
of Abu Abu al Salih, and that's where
the prophet stayed.
Right? So she just stopped.
So The prophet took it as a sign
that I guess we're not supposed to go
any further.
The Quraysh sent out 200
people as a delegation
to say,
what's good?
What are you guys doing here?
They were all in a haram.
The Muslims were all in a haram. The
Mexicans are like, where do you think you're
going?
It's a very interesting scenario.
So they end up trying to negotiate terms.
The prophet says, we're here. Let us come
in. Let us make the ombra. Let us
leave. Anyone here made ombra? Anyone here raise
your hand again? How long did it take?
Just the Ombre, not the travel. Just the
Ombre.
30 minutes? Wow. You're on one of those,
like, on the helicopters that you can ride?
Yeah.
The lock maybe maybe 45 minutes, 50 minutes
to lock if you're quick.
It was 3 AM. Yeah. But, honestly, I'll
give you one. There's a lot of bad
time, so you feel like it's
takes 3 hours. It takes it feels like
30 minutes. It's it's I'm telling you guys,
when you're there, you're unplugged from the matrix.
Is that an old reference? You guys ever
seen the matrix again? You must not. Go
on tonight. Watch the matrix. That's your
that's your first,
homework. Okay.
So I'm gonna it takes, like, an hour,
hour and a half, maybe 2 hours.
If you're going slow, 2:2 and a half
hours, max.
Max, max. It should not take longer than
an hour and a half.
Okay?
So the prophet is just telling them, let
us make umrah.
Give us, like, a night to rest, and
then we'll go home.
No one will be harmed.
Just let us come in, umrah, then we'll
leave.
And the Quraysh are like, no.
Nope.
They have 4 separate negotiations trying to come
to terms.
They send 4 different delegations trying to come
to terms.
Finally, the prophet
he decides that he wants to send Rufman
al Affan into Mecca to go and negotiate
on their behalf because he's noble. He's a
noble Meccan person. They respect him.
They're not gonna do anything to him, so
they send him in.
He goes, and listen to this, when he's
inside,
the negotiators tell him, okay. We'll meet with
you later. While you're waiting, feel free to
go ahead and make your ombra.
You can make it. You know what Humana
says?
Says nope.
Says, I don't roll like that. Like, we're
either together or we're not. I'm not gonna
do my own by myself.
I'm part of an ummah,
not just by myself. This isn't nafsi nafsi.
It's not about me.
They end up
holding Rahman
hostage,
prisoner, or what is perceived to be,
and the Muslims decide that it's
no longer cool.
This whole game is no longer okay. You
can't take one of ours. So they pledge
to go to battle against the Quraysh even
though none of them are ready to fight.
They're ready to make ombre and not fight.
Trust me. Efraim, 2 white sheets, not exactly
armor.
In fact, whatever the opposite of armor is,
it's that.
Okay?
It's
the most humbling,
vulnerable
outfit that
a male will wear.
The haram is meant to be. It's meant
to make you a little bit humble, make
your heart more open. That's why you're making
the whole time. You're receptive. Right?
I'm trying to summarize the story and get
to one single point because it really highlights.
As they're taking a pledge to go to
battle,
as they're all there, as they all pledge
to go and
avenge the the the the taking and the
death of Uthman
that he ends up coming back.
And then Suhail ibn Amr, one of the
leadership leaders, he comes out, and he says,
okay. We'll negotiate with you guys.
Let's figure something out.
So as they're sitting there and they're trying
to negotiate,
they wanna write it down on paper.
So they take the
paper, and the prophet,
can he read and write? Yes or no?
He cannot. He's on letter. He cannot read
or write.
So the prophet,
he has
his cousin,
who's able to write, says, I want you
to go ahead and I want you to
I'm gonna dictate, and I want you to
write this down. You're gonna be a scribe.
So the prophet, sallallahu alaihi wa sallam,
they start to come to terms with what
the treaty is gonna be, and he says,
this is a treaty between
Mohammed
And
starts to write, Mohammed Rasulullah.
Mohammed, the messenger of God.
And Suhair and his other
people, Arwa and the other
leadership leaders are like, woah. Woah. Woah. Woah.
Erase that.
Erase that.
And Adi, the owner says why? It's a
problem. Excuse me? Yeah. They said, yeah. We
don't believe you're the messenger of God. If
we believe that, then what would we be
negotiating? We would be fine. You guys can
come in. You can't go ahead and write
messenger of god on an agreement between us
when that's not agreed between us.
Ali, like,
just drops the pen.
He just drops me. He's like
the prophet
says,
Ali, can you erase it?
Go ahead. Erase it.
Ali says, I can't do that.
I can't do that. Imagine if someone came
up to you and just said, say I'm
not Muslim.
Say I don't believe in the messenger of
Allah. Just say it.
Don't say it. This is me
in hype hypothetical land. Imagine some reason that
to you. Even if even if the situation
was dire,
you feel like you were swallowing poison.
Doesn't matter how good or bad of a
Muslim you think you are.
Because, iman, your faith is still so powerful
that uttering that statement just feels toxic.
So that's what Adi felt times a million
because he's standing there in front of the
prophet.
Adi's
like, I can't do it. So the prophet
understood, I can't make someone this would be
torture, to make somebody who's so dedicated to
Islam, dedicated to the the prophet, Muhammad, and
I can't make them erase it. Show me
where it is. I'll erase it myself.
So Ali points out the title,
and the prophet he wipes it clean.
The Quraysh, they say, yeah. Right. Mohammed ibn
Abdullah. Right? Mohammed the son of Abdullah, because
that that's a title we can all agree
upon, that you are. Your father's name was
Abdullah.
So they come to these terms
of this agreement,
but this agreement
is extremely one-sided.
What are the terms of this agreement? Number
1,
you cannot perform your ombre this year.
Go back
home. Number 1.
The prophet, all of a sudden, he hears
this,
and he says, okay.
I accept.
Around him is Abu Bakr as Siddhiya.
Ali obviously is writing
Some other companions,
that's the one we're gonna focus on.
Is the one we're gonna focus on.
A lot of people like to focus on
because they they they like to characterize it
as being just, like, absolute
strength and faith,
unshakable,
always right,
you have to be aggressive, this and that.
Listen to the story about how it affects
hammar.
So the prophet and all of a sudden,
they say, you can't make omelette this year.
You're not making it this year. Imagine imagine,
guys, you're driving
for hours, and you get one minute outside
of your destination,
and the cops pull up and they say,
you're not going in the city. Go back
home.
Like, how devastate and that's just a vacation.
Imagine
imagine Umrah.
Imagine days of travel, days,
and they tell them that. When Umrah hears
this, his, like, hands start to shake,
starts to get really rattled, because he knows
these people. These are his peers Before he
accepted Islam, these are the people that you
he used to see out of highway.
So they say number 1. Number 2
was that
we're gonna have
a 10
year truce between us. You can't come and
fight us, so we're not gonna come and
fight you. And any of the tribes that
we are allies with, they're also gonna follow
the same rule. We can't fight for 10
years. The prophet
said, okay. Sounds good. Peace is always good.
Preferable to any conflict.
Number 3,
the 3rd term.
And this is what broke Hamad.
You ready?
They said any Muslim
that is still in Makkah
that wants to leave and go live in
the safety of Medina to be able to
practice freely,
If you see them or if they arrive
in Medina, you have to what?
You have to send them back.
You're not allowed to take any more citizens
in your city.
You have to send them all back. But
any
person wants to leave Medina,
Muslim,
not Muslim, because they had other tribes there,
and they wanna come to Mecca.
And maybe you're concerned that they're, like,
traitors or that they have, like, some treachery
that they're planning or they're scheming against you,
and they're leaving Ladida to go to Mecca.
You can't chase them. And if and and
in fact, even if you could capture them,
you can't. You have to let them come
to Mecca.
How one-sided
is that?
How lopsided is this agreement?
I see some of you in the audience
right now, you're just shaking your head like
this. Like, there's no way I would agree
to this.
There's no way.
They look at the prophet, and he says,
okay.
So we can't make ommrah this year.
Any Muslims that wanna come to Medina, we
have to send them back
to the to the torturous city,
to the city of Mecca where they are
being tortured.
And any people who wanna leave Medina, maybe
we're concerned that they're gonna try to launch
a counter attack on us, we have to
let them go. We can't we can't make
sure that they have our they're leaving in
good faith.
And they said yes.
The prophet
said, deal. Let's sign.
At that moment,
what does Omar do?
Omar, he gets up
and he says, in
front of everybody. And Omar is a big
dude. Right? When he rode horses, his feet
would touch the ground. He's very large,
intimidating stature, very, you know
so he stood up very, you know, in
an armed way. He said,
He said,
are you not the messenger of God?
And he's not questioning, challenging. He's actually doing
this rhetorically. Of course, he's the messenger of
God. He's proclaiming it.
Are you not the messenger of Allah? And
he's looking at these Qur'an shay people like,
it's about to go down.
I just sharpened my sword.
Right?
And he said, are we not the ones
who are right?
Are we not on the truth and they're
the ones who are wrong?
And if we fight with these people and
we go to war
and some of us get killed in battle,
some of them do, don't we believe that
the ones who died in battle from the
side of the Muslims, that they will be
in paradise?
And the ones who died from their side
who wanted to cause harm to our community
that they will be in the hellfire? Is
that not the case now, Usidullah?
And the prophet, so sudden he tells Omar,
he says,
yeah, I am the messenger of God.
Yeah. That's true that we're on the truth
and they're not on the truth. Yeah. It's
true that what you said about those who
pass away from the side of the Muslims
and those who pass away from the side
of the Quraysh. Everything
you're saying is true.
Yes. So, Omar, he looks around. He's like,
then?
What are we doing? Why are we conceding?
Why are we accepting this? This isn't even
a deal. This is embarrassment.
And again, he's not challenging the Prophet
in a way that's disrespectful.
In fact, it actually comes from his deep
trust in the Prophet
Like, yeah, Rasoolah, I don't care if I'm
here in haram.
Let's go. Like, I know that Allah will
send angels again or something will happen, like,
we're just gonna win. I I have full
complete trust. Let's just do this.
And the prophet,
he told him,
Omar, sit down.
And Omar, he sat
and he had to accept it.
Even though his mind
completely
the analysis all worked out.
Everything he wanted to do, he's standing there
in a haram, wanting to go make haram.
He thought everything out. How many times have
you been in that situation in your life?
You had everything figured out. It all made
sense. You wrote it down on paper mathematically.
This, this, this. Okay. What's the problem? Why
isn't this happening?
And then on top of that, you're making
draw oh, my. Please give this to me,
please. And you know, why isn't this happening?
Why isn't this happening?
You know what I mean? How many times
have we done that? Where we've done all
the math and we're why isn't this happening
the way I want it to happen?
And SubhanAllah,
the prophet
he accepted this. And to make matters even
worse, you wanna know what happened?
At the end of this meeting,
there was a man named Abu Jendal, who
was actually Suhail's son.
So as they signed and the Muslims began
to retreat and go back to their camp,
and the Quraysh began to retreat and go
back to Mecca, Suhail, he says, hey,
We just signed an agreement.
The prophet
says, yes.
What's your problem? I don't understand.
He said,
that right there, Abu Jenda, is a Muslim,
my son.
He says, okay. He goes, and he's in
Mecca.
He comes with me.
So all of the Muslims, the companions had
to watch one of their own get ripped
from their community.
Literally, they chained him up and dragged him
back as Abu Jenda was crying
because he didn't wanna leave his community, the
problem is also.
To make things even worse.
Sometimes you're gonna be in a scenario in
your life
where you think that there is absolutely
no chance
that this is the way it's supposed to
happen.
Like, you see everything in front of you
and you're like, no.
No. It doesn't make sense here. It doesn't
make sense here. And what I'm seeing,
there's no way that that's the way that
this should happen.
In fact, you might even go so far
as saying, Allah doesn't want it to happen
this way.
Because you're so convinced.
But what ends up happening?
Allah
as the Muslims leave and by the way,
all of them were in shock. None of
them were ready to leave. It took some
time.
The prophet told them all, shave your heads,
leave echrath, and none of them listened until
he did it.
His wife, Musallam, had to tell him, shave
your head, they'll follow.
So they were all stunned.
Just stunned.
On their way back, Allah
revealed to the prophet
We have given you a clear victory.
We've given you a clear victory.
The prophet
he heard this and he smiled. As they're
traveling, you know what he does?
He calls out. He said, any of you
guys see a lot, please send him my
way.
Ahmad, he heard this,
he started sweating.
He goes he actually said verbatim,
there was
never a word or, like, a phrase that
I utter from my lips
that I regretted more than that outburst I
had in front of the prophet in my
life.
And even after the prophet passed away,
Omar said, I would give sadaqa, I would
give charity, and I would fast
as a way of apologizing to Allah that
I had that kind of outburst in front
of his messenger,
that I thought I'd be better.
So when Omar came out from the prophet
he thought he was in trouble. He saw
the prophet smiling.
The prophet said, you know what Allah just
revealed to me? Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala just
told me that whole ordeal,
that thing that was so painful for us
to be, to listen, to be in, to
witness,
to experience.
We're leaving now feeling dejected, humiliated, all of
that. He said, Allah Ta'ala just called it
fat.
He called it Fatiha Mubina, a clear victory.
And then, later in the Surah, what does
Allah
say? It's amazing. You guys wanna listen? Here's
the solution. I'm done. After this, my talk's
done.
Allah says because everyone's asking now. What about
the dream?
You just said that the prophet doesn't have
false dreams.
So Allah, Ta'ala, he answers that. He says
He says, don't worry.
Allah
has fulfilled
the messenger's
dream, his vision.
Okay?
You will enter
Masjid Al Haramah.
Allah didn't say when, I was just talking
to somebody yesterday, they said I've been making
Duha, I've been making Duha
for this.
I said, okay. They said, and Allah didn't
give it to me. And I said, not
yet.
And they just got quiet.
Because sometimes we don't realize, but we're not
only asking Allah for something, but we're asking
Allah
when we want that something,
and that's not appropriate.
Right? That's not appropriate.
We have respect
when we trust that the one who's doing
it is doing it to the best
of our needs.
You walk into an airplane,
you go up to the pilot,
say, how long will the flight take? They
said, 2 hours? He said, can you do
it 1?
Can you do it in 1? The pilot
says, no. It's gonna take 2 hours. You'll
get there safely. You'll be there in 2
hours.
Can you do it in 1? No.
When you make du'a, we're asking, Allah, oh,
Allah, give me this, oh, Allah, grant me
this, oh, Allah.
Because why? What's that all coming from? From
FOMO.
My friends got accepted to this school. My
friend got accepted here. They're all this major.
They're all that major, and you keep running
into obstacle after obstacle after obstacle.
And you think to yourself,
why is this happening?
Maybe Allah is detouring you. So what does
he say?
You will enter the masjid, not only will
you enter it
safe,
and you'll enter it with shaved heads, meaning
you're gonna complete your umrah because shaving the
head is the last step.
Don't worry. You'll get there.
That you will be there and you will
have shaved or shortened
hair, your head to be shaved, your hair
to be shortened, and
You won't be making your fear. Alright, guys.
You ready? This is what I want you
to remember. Forget everything I just said. This
is it.
What's the line? You ready?
When you hear this, it just makes everything
melt.
Allah knew that which you didn't know.
That needs to be
the mission statement of my life.
I wonder why things aren't happening the way
I want them to for
Allah
knows what I don't know.
He knows what you don't know.
So what does this all go back to
with FOMO, with missing out, with not knowing,
and making bad decisions?
Because you're going against the grain. You guys
know what that means, going against the grain?
Like, the waves are pushing you repeatedly in
one direction. You're like, no.
You're not listening to the destiny that Allah
is placing you upon instead you're trying to
run against it.
Right?
It's because a person doesn't realize that Allah
knows.
That's why we say things like
There is no strength or might or power
except by Allah. That's why we say things
like Insha'Allah.
Insha'Allah is not just a nice way to
say no.
Insha'Allah.
Right? No. Literally, what it means is
if
Allah wants.
Kind of nice way to say no.
Hey. You wanna come over? Inshallah.
Right?
No. Literally, you should say inshallah, and you
should say
it thinking about it when you want something.
Not like
Alright. Like, the whole, like,
Egyptians have very interesting, like, things that they
do with, like, dollar bills and, like,
kisses, kiss noises.
Right?
Not that, but say it. I want to
go here. I want to do this. I
want to do that. Insha
Allah.
I hope that Allah wills it for me.
Whatever he wills is what's best,
and I will accept it.
You know, you see this a lot on
people's social media bios like Twitter or Instagram.
Whatever god wants for me.
Right?
I knew that whatever god willed would be
good and whatever he didn't give me was
not good for me. It is very romantic.
Like, it is. Like,
maybe, guys, she's impressed. Maybe. Right? Like, I
don't know.
Right? Whatever God willed for me.
Did he will you for me? Like,
that, like, weird
but, no, seriously.
Let's make an oath. Let's seriously take a
pact never to post, retweet, favorite, share,
make our bio anything
that we don't think about
because that's where the benefit is.
No one cares
if your bio says Allah in Arabic. Like,
I get it. All your white friends are
impressed.
But think about
it. What did what did Hassan and Bostrie
say when they said, how did he become
so pious? He said, I became convinced
that whatever Allah wanted for me, no one
could take it from me. And whatever Allah
did not want for me, there was no
way I could get it.
That's not just a bio. That is that
is, like, a life's
thesis statement.
How can I always be happy with Allah
in my life?
Whatever he wants from me, no one can
take it. Whatever he doesn't want from me,
there's no way I can get it.
Changes everything.
That Allah says, and he granted you from
that
an expedient victory.
You have no idea how close it is.
One of my teachers told me something really
amazing, Sheikh Hassan in Knoxville. I'll read with
him. I'll finish here. He said, Allah
in some ways ibn al Talal al talks
about this. He says, in some ways, Allah
will make you make dua
to see how long you'll make dua for.
You'll make you make dua to see how
long you'll make dua for. And if you
make dua long, if you actually, like you
know, over the course of weeks, months, you
know, who knows, years,
you continue to make that dua,
then you know what happens at the end
of that when you get it, when it
arrives to you in whatever way Allah wants
it to?
You actually
grow closer to Allah because you know how
sincere you are.
But if you ask Allah for something once
and then you forget about it and get
upset and start to resent Allah because he
didn't give you to ask for one time,
then you're no better than the friend that
only calls somebody when they need something.
How hurtful is it to get a phone
call from somebody
and all they want is something?
How painful is that?
Would you wanna be the person that gets
a phone call and they don't even care
how you are that's wants you to do
something for them?
So my teacher said, Hassan, one of my
teachers, he said, why would you treat Allah
like that?
So we asked the last to make us
sincere.
We ask Allah to protect us from
the fear of missing out and the fear
of of not having something
being an obstacle between us and him. We
ask
to embed in us this deep level of
trust,
where even when we can't see
what's in front of us, the clouds are
very thick and the fog is impenetrable, we
ask Allah to give us trust in him,
that we would take his sight over our
own,
we would take his wisdom and knowledge over
ours,
we would take his plan over ours,
and that he grants us tranquility and happiness
with that plan. That is not begrudging,
it's not resentful,
but it's
with serenity.
Oh, Allah, I trust you. I trust
you and I I don't want you to
leave me in charge of myself even
for one blink of an eye. I want
you to take care of everything in my
life. We ask, oh, Allah, to grant us
that and more, to put us in the
path of your messenger, Muhammad
everybody. We'll do some questions now, some q
and a, for a short while and then
we'll wrap up. Is that okay?
For the questions, we'll all move our masks
on
because we don't wanna get sick.
Alright. Well, so if anybody has,
any sort of,
questions,
comments, or anything that they would like to
maybe seek some reflection on, inshallah,
this is a good time. If you would
like to submit your question anonymously, the best
are really cool site that you can go.
It's called online questions dot org.
On your phone, anyone can just come plug
it in under your phone, online questions dot
org. And if you actually type in the
code
11049,
you can just ask a question and we'll
receive it anonymously,
and we'll try to answer the job.
So it's all my questions that work. And
then the code is 11 where are we
receiving it? Over here? Oh, no. I'm just
not on my phone. Oh, okay.
Alright. So is there any questions right now
that would you like to ask this, Lola?
So this goal, I think, you know, placing
your trust, but, obviously, no one is trying
to do that
for, like, patience and forbearance and, you know,
let us be at peace with, like, this
plan. Let it be some other practical steps
that can
So,
I always tell people, like, Dua is just
a set of little victories,
and you have to build upon those little
victories before you can start to see the
the the big ones. Or Allah, Adam mentioned
that as a victory. Right? That's not great.
So
I
recommend everybody
to never take anything for granted in your
life and make you offer even the small
things. Just ask Allah to grant you even
the small things. Like, oh, Allah, grant me
a successful day today. Oh, Allah, like my
time. Oh, Allah,
allow me to be healthy.
And the crazy thing is, like, when you
make du offer these things, Allah gives them
to you
when you make du offer them. Sometimes even
when you don't make du offer them, that's
because he's generous and because we're neglectful, we
forget. Right? Kinda like your parents will give
you food whether or not you ask for
it. But if you ask for
it
and your parents, your mom, your dad will
still give you food,
the relationship between the 2, you become stronger.
Right? Because it was no longer just an
assumption,
which is considered maybe even disrespectful or hurtful.
Now it was, like, a sincere request of
fulfillment
and just genuine appreciation.
So with Allah, it's it's similar with Allah's
example is even greater than that, which is
imagine making dua tonight, oh, Allah, get me
home safely.
Right? And you get home safely. Now when
you pull in your driveway, the first thing
you think is, like, Allah actually answered my
dua. As opposed to Allah just doing it
for you,
and you were or I was, in this
case, like, ungrateful to Allah. I just assumed
he was gonna do it for me no
matter what. So little victories are huge, you
know, and they start to accumulate. You know,
what is an ocean besides millions of drops?
You know, so they start to accumulate and
become
more substantial, and then you kinda start to
take more jumps,
and your duas start to become more more
grand and more great.
And your duas are no longer the ones
that you asked for same day. Now it's
like the week duas or the month duas
or the semester or the year,
And when you start to see those come
to fruition, then you start to gain trust.
Okay. It takes time.
It's very similar to, like, any other, you
know, strategic
success that you wanna have. You can't have
your degree on the 1st day of class.
I'm sorry about that. You can't have your
degree on the 1st day of
class at school. You know, you can't get
your paycheck on the 1st day of your
of your job.
You can't always expect your duas response on
the first time you make it. Right? And
we're okay with that in every other realm,
but sometimes when it comes to Dua, we
we become a little bit hard headed. So
little victories is fine. And so anyone else?
I think also I mean, that was a
really good question. They're you know, one of
the things that I've learned throughout life I
mean, I'm assuming along with a lot of
other people as well is that there's etiquette
in everything that we do.
And even
that spans to even how we make Dua.
Right? Like, you know, everyone says, oh, yes.
Make Dua. Make sincere Dua. A lot of
these kind of piece of advice are really
abstract and kinda leaves us with this void
of not really understanding how to do it.
And, you know, one of our teachers
always told us that, like, whatever you do,
you beautify it. Right?
And I
personally
struggle a lot with this growing up where
I didn't really know how to make guile.
Like, I was gonna compare myself to the
guy next to me during tunnel week. Right?
Like, why is he why is he crying?
Right? Like, why is this guy feeling so
emotionally invested?
Why do his duas sound better than mine?
Right? Like, do his duas get answered because
of how beautiful they are? Now this is
kind of like a 2 part, which is
number 1, you should never compare yourself to
other people.
I I think a lot of the disappointments
that we go through in life is because
we compare ourselves to other people. It's like,
oh, you know, I have to do this
because, like, am I a failure if I
don't? Right? Like, that that's, like, one of
those biggest things, especially in college. I remember
when I was in college, when I was
in undergrad, I mean, like, there were so
many especially living in kinda like a cultural
family, There are so many steps and comparisons
that we go through. Right? Like, if you
don't achieve this by junior year,
then, oh my God, who are you? Right?
Like, there's so many of these comparisons. That's
number 1. Number 2 is ask yourself how
you're making duas. A lot of us, unfortunately,
I I I put myself in this category
until I learned about it. We may do
all like restaurant requests.
You know? Well, I like this at this
time. I like that at that time. I
like it I I like it exactly like
that salad on the side. If not, I'm
gonna try back to the kitchen. Like, that
that's not how dua works.
Dua is like, you Allah, I'm weak. You
know, like, my favorite duas in the Quran
was prophet Musa's Dua. You know, Rabi
Indili,
was that he he he he said it.
Oh, Allah. You know, I he calls himself
a fafir, which is lower than his skin.
It's like I am I have nothing.
And that's almost like that level of vulnerability
that you need to give yourself. If you
really want something,
you have to feel like you're in need.
You know, like, it's like,
sometimes we make du'a like it'd be nice.
Oh, you know, it'd be nice. We were
supposed to be because deep down, you really
want it. It's like almost like an ego
thing with people. Right? Like, I know I
really wanted the one. I may go out
and say, yeah, I'll be nice.
It'd be cool. Right? Like, it'd be it'd
be okay, you know, if I graduated
4 years, my my mom's yelling, you know,
it'd be nice.
But
when when you make duant for something you
sincerely, sincerely want,
the the the level of of
of seriousness
behind it always has to do with the
vulnerability of your duas.
Right? And so I always say that be
vulnerable. Right? And and it's uncomfortable
because
vulnerability, like like, some of you mentioning that
kind of analogy with, like, your your your
eham, your
umrah. Man, that thing is, like, loosey goosey.
Right? Like, it's so hey. Like, you it's,
like, very uncomfortable wearing it, but it's a
form of vulnerability. And
vulnerability
in the rest of your life may be
looked at as if this really bad thing.
Right? Don't be vulnerable. Be tough. Right? Make
sure you stand your ground. Man, being vulnerable
with Allah is one of the best things
you can ever do. It's one of the
best things you can ever, ever do. Alright?
So, Alfonso, anything you wanna add on to
this?
We did have,
oh, man.
We'll
we'll add, we'll add one more question.
Somebody said,
what is the purpose of working or alright.
I'm I'm actually gonna okay. This is this
is one that was asked earlier. How do
we advise our friends about hanging out with
people that aren't necessarily good influences on them
or don't see or don't see them as
good friends without sounding FOMO.
So how do you advise your friends that
another group of people are bad influences on
them without sounding like you're just being kind
of petty? So the boss really wants to
answer this one. I was gonna answer, but
she said not that I answered. She said,
please. She's like, oh, say what? Hand share
her hand over the microphone.
I heard her say bed under her breath.
You guys know me right now. Like, definitely
your app.
Okay. So how do we advise your friends
about voice question? About how how to make
better how to make better How to make
better choices or, like, how you advise your
friends that, like, maybe a certain group is
not a good influence on you without sounding
like you're going through FOMO yourself, like, Patty?
Oh, not being petty? Yes. But you're not
gonna lose your
Yeah. This is a good question.
One, I think, is very important
with your friendships.
It is hard. It is hard. It's
very important with your friendships that
you guys are able to have that optimal
communication.
You know? Like, sometimes it may seem weird
as being, like, awkward and whatever it would
be. But it's all about how you present
the conversation. If you come about it, kind
of, oh, you're hanging out before you hear
about it. Are you hanging out with her
or that I see you? That they're gonna
take care of it technically.
So if but if you're clear, you tell
them, you let them know, like, hey. I'm
not
judging. I'm not tripping or anything like that.
This is for your own book. I love
you. I care about you. We're close friends.
We're with that.
And I just want to advise you about
this particular situation or this particular person,
and here are all my reasons.
You bet. I thought when you did your
job, your responsibility is to let them know,
and you did that responsibility to fulfill that.
If that person chooses to continue to hang
out with that person, knocking out and do
everything, then that's the
laugh, oh, well, since you're doing that, we're
not gonna ask just tag along. You don't
have to.
That's also a choice that you choose. So
you can choose to tell this person, hey.
I wanna see you. I wanna hang out
with you. But this person, I don't know.
I go with them,
and I can't really hang out with them.
So I'll hang out with you another time.
That's perfectly okay to say that. It's perfectly
fine to do that. So I say, 1,
approach the conversation in a non petty way.
You guys are all
practically getting there.
No. I'm gonna say you are wrong. You're
practically giving that wrong. K? So approach the
conversation in a nonpet way. And number 2,
just let them make their own decision, and
then with you, you make sure you set
your value and you you stick to your
values.
That's a really good answer.
So happy that you took it from me.
You know what? You're welcome.
You guys can see right now. My beard's
in my mouth. Okay. So
what is the purpose of working towards Jenna
Filodos?
If you will be satisfied with Jenna at
any level
and you will have regret for not working
part of it, but yet any level. Anyways
oh, good question. Okay. So
there's a couple different answers to this that
are, that you find in, like, some of
the API in the books and also just
in general.
One of my favorite answers to this question
is
that,
one of my one of our teachers growing
up in Chicago, she
he explained to us similar to this why
we pray sunnah prayer.
And the gist of the answer is that
when you do things
at a high level with ihsan,
then your weak points will still be excellent,
Like, your weak points will still be good.
But if you do things just barely getting
by,
then your weak points will be failures.
You guys get the point? So he's saying,
like, if you pursue Jonathan Firdaus, the highest
level,
your weak points will still be Jannah,
right, of the higher levels of agenda. But
if you're just trying to basically, like, squeak
on through, right, like,
you know, number 999,000
of of agenda admittance,
then you're basically walking an extremely
thin
margin of error, very tight rope.
And any mistake that you make and you're
human, to is to be human, right,
then you're finding yourself falling over in the
other side. So
my teacher, Jesse Habb, taught us that with
sunnah prayer. He said never just pray Fadok
because you're giving yourself 4 minutes to pray
Fadok. Oscar comes in at 3, what now,
50?
I'm hungry. So 3 something, 350 something. You're
gonna break them out at, like, 3:49,
and one day you're just gonna miss it.
Right? But if you make time for
sunnah, then you're actually gonna always have time
for your prayer. Same thing with Jannah. Right?
You don't aim for the lowest level of
Jannah
because what happens if you slip?
You aim for the higher levels, and Allah
will give you based off of your effort.
The other thing is that there is
some discussions amongst some of the scholars of
theology, and they say that there will be
not disappointment,
but there will be distance between those,
who have made it to other levels.
Right? So let's say, like, for example, like,
Safi makes it to Jensen for those, and
I'm, like, on level 1,
they're gonna have certain privileges that the people
on the on the lower levels will not
have.
Namely, the people on the highest level, then
they'll be with the prophet souls on them,
and they will have other privileges as well,
being with certain
prophets,
the righteous people, some of the,
the martyrs, etcetera.
And so it won't be the same kind
of disappointment that you disappointment that you experience
in this life because that life is,
ever different than this life, but there will
be a sense of distance, let's say, between
myself and those people that I aspire to
be with. And so that's why you work
hard for the highest level of dental for
those. And, again,
gender for those gender for those is not
the the realm only for people who have
beards the size of Dumbledore's
or, you know, where,
you know,
you
can't imagine someone who's there's gonna be people
there that you're gonna be shocked. Okay? So
I don't want anyone to count themselves out
because,
you know, they wear eyeliner or something. Like,
I don't want that to be, like, a
thing. Right? All the guys are nodding their
head. Why are you wearing eyeliner so much?
Like,
maybe 1 or 2 of you, not all
of you. So but the point being is
that everyone is eligible for it.
The biggest thing is that you have Iradah.
As Imam Abu Azadi said, the biggest thing
is that you have desire for something.
The the greatest thing is that Himma because
if you put your Himma towards something, you'll
achieve it.
So just make sure that you wanna be
there. I wanna be with the prophet everyday.
I wanna be his neighbor.
I wanna be able to go to the
prophet everyday and sit and have every meal
with him.
I wanna be able to to to talk
to him, to learn more from him, to
hear about all the stories with him,
and that privilege is reserved for those people,
so I wanna be there. Right? So make
sure that your intention is there, inshallah,
whose mercy will facilitate the rest.
Okay?
We'll take one more.
Can you please answer the question about the
parent one? No. Okay, guys. Sound like them.
Have a good night, Nava.
We'll deal with it.
It was a joke because there was one
about the parents and then so I answered
the second. Okay. Never mind. Sorry.
Who are you? I said there's one more.
How do we tell our parents about sounding
disrespectful, that they do not need to be
involved or know everything that they that we
do because they have fun.
See, you're if you ask me this, like,
5 years ago,
I would have been, like, big time advocate
for you, but now I have kids.
Literally, I was like, Musa, what are you
watching on YouTube?
And he was like, nothing. I'm like, show
me or those are gonna smash that iPad.
And he was like,
just done. It's it's like dark winged up
or something.
So no. Really, like like, look,
the reality is that,
your parents are humans.
Your parents are human beings. I don't know
if you know that.
And like I said, to to to be
human is to make mistakes.
Right? There might come a time where your
parents say or do something that comes across
as really overbearing,
super helicopter, just like, give me some space,
give me some privacy,
that might be there. I agree with you
100%.
It sucks.
We all had to go through it.
It gets better.
Okay? I promise you.
Let me tell you this, though.
There are some exceptional cases where maybe some
parents are crossing the line,
but the general rule for 99.9%
of parents on this earth
is that they care for you and they
love you, and they wanna make sure that
you're not doing anything that they wouldn't do.
That's pretty much it. There are some exceptions
of some bad parents. They exist, but but
I don't think anyone here in has
that. If they do, then just know it's
exceptional. It's not the rule.
Okay? We don't make exceptions. We don't make
rule out of exceptions.
The parents that you have want the best
for you. They don't wanna see you in
any pain.
I mean, it wasn't even a parent. It
was me. I was talking to somebody in
college who just got dumped
after being in a relationship with a girl
for 4 years, and he was just crying.
And he goes, I know why it's haram
now. I know why it's haram. And he
told me he said, I specifically remember
when you told me when I first started
dating her that it's not a good idea.
And I specifically remember you telling me that
it's because it's gonna end like this, and
I'm gonna be heartbroken.
And now I know exactly what you're talking
about. I'm not even his dad. I was
just somebody who's older than him, who was
able to tell him that it's gonna suck
when you guys break up. It might feel
good now, but it's gonna suck.
So, I mean, think about it from my
perspective.
I actually am not the person in the
relationship. I don't have to deal with the
heartbreak.
But I love this kid, and I don't
wanna see him cry. When I saw him
cry, it made me upset. It made me
cry because it it hurts me to see
him hurt. Right?
I'm not even his dad. I'm just a
soft, emotional, giant, large white guy. Right?
So now imagine, like, your parents,
they don't want you to do something because
when they see you in pain, it kills
them.
Like, literally, I'm not joking, guys. When I
see my kids in pain, it actually causes
physical pain response to my body. I don't
know set off because there's, like, some sort
of psychological thing for that. But, like, when
you see someone you love in pain, it
actually causes. That's why the prophet was describing
the Quran as what?
Aziz He feels pain with what bothers you.
The prophet loved you so much, he felt
pain with what you would go through. Amazing.
Right? So your parents feel that. Right?
So have some mercy with your parents. Be
gentle.
Be gentle with them. Before you start to
negotiate these things, have some mercy. Right? Then
once you've established this mercy framework
and good etiquette and kinda like good relationship,
then you can start to have these conversations
with them. Don't have them at the time
of the chaos. That's not gonna work.
If you wanna go out Friday night
and you wanna leave by 7, don't talk
to them about how they need to be
more,
you know, liberal and generous with you at
658.
That's not a good time to have that
conversation.
In fact, what is a good time is,
like, a week before after you've done everything
they've asked you before they've asked you.
Right? You've done a lot of stuff over
it, and then you kinda bring up some
things. You kinda have these conversations. If you
need to, you can bring in some people
to help you with that conversation like your
siblings or maybe, like, an uncle or aunt.
It's really
strong headed, but it's it takes a little
bit of strategy, and it's a long term
thing. Right? But I want you to maintain
mercy with your parents, guys. Have mercy with
them. We'll love you have mercy with them.
You know, I'm 32 right now. My parents
are in Chicago.
Every day I wonder when when when when
the last day that I'll be able to
see my parents is this pandemic thing is
not helping.
I save every voice mail for my mom
and dad because I don't know if I
ever wanna delete them.
Right? My parents are getting old.
So, you know, I promise you whatever is
driving your desire at this age, that'll disappear,
and you can replace it. But you can't
replace your parents. Well, Lava, you can't.
We ask a lot to add to grant
this that more.
Anything?
Okay. Alright.
Thank you again. We'll see you guys here
back next Thursday.
We're gonna try to see if we can
confirm with Mukti Khamani to come through and
join us for our session next
If you guys could do us a favor
and just fold your chair and line it
up against the wall, that'd be awesome because
we gotta put the chairs away. Is that
okay now? Understood.
Oh, yeah. And who's dinner? Yeah. Yeah. So
everyone, after you, just kinda pull your curtains
up and putting them on the wall, some
of our amazing