Safi Khan – Soul Food Self Esteem & Spirituality Ustadha Fatima Lette
AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss their upcoming webinar series, including a conversational session on self esteem and values, as well as a session on finding inspiration from people in a certain area. They stress the importance of valuing one's personality and being a good Muslim, as well as learning to describe oneself and not let anyone define one. They also discuss the importance of affirmations and actions in shaping one's behavior, and stress the need to act on potential and create one's own personality. The speakers emphasize the importance of affirmations and actions in shaping one's behavior and avoiding negative emotions. They also discuss the concept of "has been there" and how it can lead to accomplishment and contentment. The segment ends with a request for further sessions and invitations.
AI: Summary ©
Alright.
Actually only have a couple of sessions left
in this particular series, the Being Muslim series.
And then, insha'allah,
we are going to continue on with our
next
study, our next series of conversations, insha'allah, which
will be
a surprise for everyone. So,
today,
we have a really cool opportunity, to
enjoy,
not just a regular soul food session, but
one that we can engage in conversation with,
Ustadh Fatima, alhamdulillah. So,
and as you guys can see,
up on the screen, we have a really
interesting
conversation
that's in store for today, which is the
idea of self esteem
and self value and what role that plays
in our spirituality,
what role that plays in our relationship with
Allah, a.
The way that we think about ourselves,
does that have any sort of reflection on
the way that we see Allah and vice
versa? And
so
we're going to get started. And what we're
gonna do as we usually do on every
soul food night is we're gonna throw out
a question for everyone to kinda talk about,
converse about, and think about. And Ustalla Fatima
will also share some thoughts of hers along
the lines of this as well. And And
inshallah, we're gonna see and connect back together
about, the question on the screen. So the
first question on the screen and the reason
why I'm asking this question, by the way,
is
that in Islam,
there is
a very, very important principle
that
teaches us
that Islam is not a religion in which,
like, you have to fit into, like, a
one box
type of thing, like one size fits all.
In fact, there are personalities
and characters
that quite literally are sometimes very opposite from
one another
and you'll see that existing with people like
the companions of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam.
Right?
For example, you have a person like Uthman
ibn Affan
who is extremely
shy,
generous, a little bit kind of soft spoken,
and then you had a person like Umar
ibn Khattab radiAllahu ta'ala Anhu who was in
his speech and the way that he used
to assert, you know, his authority at times,
right?
And
neither of them are outside of what you
would call the character of a Muslim. Right?
And just like they,
we are also the same where
everyone in here shares very, very different
personality traits. Some people are extroverted. Some people
are introverted. Some people are talkative. Some people
are very shy and quiet.
Some people think that a Friday night means
sitting at home by myself and enjoying my
time in solitude. And some people think Friday
night means I have to text my 8
friend groups or my 20 friend groups that
I have and see which one's gonna bite.
Right? So everybody, hamdullah, has a different type
of personality but the reality of this is
that every one of them can fit within
the window and the scope of Islam.
What we have to answer today in our
session is
how can we
use our personality,
our character, the one that Allah ta'ala has
given us to, at the end of the
day, appreciate him. Okay?
So what I'm gonna do inshallah is I'm
gonna pause for literally 1 minute, and I'm
gonna let you guys talk to each other
about this question up on the screen, what
which sahabah or personality from our faith history
do you feel that you line up with?
And then, inshallah, we're gonna reconvene together and
share
it. Will lead us off with that. So
everyone take a minute to talk to each
other inshallah, and we'll get some conversations going.
Alright. So
we're gonna start off with hearing,
Fatima's,
reflection. So
so if you had to pick
1 sahaba or personality, 1 sahabi or personality,
that you feel really kind of meshes with
your own, that you seek inspiration from or
you almost see yourself aligning with in that
way, who would it be and why?
Alright. First and foremost, alaikum, everybody.
I haven't been to soul food for a
while so I'm happy to be here. Actually,
like, I know, I know, I know.
Shame, shame, but I'm back Hamdulillah.
So this question is interesting because I would
hope to be like this person, right? Like
you can never I guess like fully I
guess embody someone
so great. The biggest thing that I've learned
before I even say who this person is
is that when I first started understanding
that Islam doesn't necessitate that everybody be like
cookie cutter,
This is a story or a person that
really helped me understand that, and that is
Aisha radiAllahu ta'alaanha, and the reason being is
because I think especially specifically as a Muslim
woman,
there's a lot of
explanation on how you should be
that sometimes bleed into personality,
and then sometimes you're sitting there you're thinking
to yourself, like, well, does God not love
me because I don't fit this personality trait?
Right? And so one of those biggest things
is, like, oh, being quiet,
You know? Like, you should be quiet, unheard
in the corner, in the room, whatever the
case may be. And, like, maybe you have
a bigger personality and that now you're, like,
okay, well,
maybe I don't fit into that box so
like does Allah SWT not love me because
I don't fit into that box. So when
you hear the story of Aisha Rede waftalaha
and her personality
and how she was someone who's very educated
and she was someone who was not afraid
to, like, show that education. She wasn't showing
off but she was in a position
that she had to make it be known
that she was educated. Right? When you're preserving
literally the hadith of the prophet
and you're preserving 1 third of our deen
like there comes assertion with that, right?
I think so being able to learn about
her lifestyle, learn about the type of person
she was and then you have the fun
stories of how she was like a very
fun
person and I believe in work hard play
hard. K? Maybe work hard play harder.
Right? Because that'll help you, you know, be
able to be good at your job. Right?
And so how she used to love to
race and she used to love to
be entertained and all of these things it
then reminds you that Sahaba too were human
and it allows you to be okay with
being human.
You know. And I think the biggest place
that I've learned
in the life of Aisha relauthalaha
has been in the places where she's made
mistakes
because a lot of times we feel like,
you know, we have to be like this
perfect person. I guess we do aim for
Ihsan, we aim for sincerity, we aim to
be better, But in the times that Aisha
maybe took her personality a little bit far
and somebody will explain,
she knew how to rectify that mistake or
that situation.
You know. So the story that comes to
mind is,
you know, there was a time where someone
else had sent food to the pop system's
home and it was a time when she
was there and she was known to not
know how to cook. So for her, it
was extremely offensive and she broke the pot,
you know, because she was so upset about
the situation. And the process I was like,
yeah, but you broke someone's property. And she's
like, yeah, I'm gonna replace it. Right? Like,
it just shows, like, her personality shines. She
did what she did. She was able to,
like, apologize for that situation but she didn't
apologize for being herself.
And that's, like, huge and it's important to
know because as you grow and you're in
a position of, like, especially being in college,
man, like, that's where you're really solidifying on
on habits and who you are and what
you're coming into and who God created
you to be. It's so important to have
people to look up to, 1, that you
can
kind of, like, fill parts of your personality
with, and 2, to not be afraid to
be yourself.
Like, to not be afraid to be yourself
and to know that Islam
allows you to be that person.
Open it up insha'Allah to everybody around here.
So what did you guys discuss inshallah? So
what is one personality
or character, alhamdulillah, from our own faith tradition
that you guys feel like you align with.
Did anybody have any good conversations about this?
Who wants to share? Anyone in here?
Who's one person that you seek a lot
of inspiration from or one story that really
kinda hits you hard on a different level?
Anybody?
Who wants to go? Yes.
Oh, yes. SubhanAllah, statement of the prophet where
he said that, you know, Umar radiAllahu an
was such a
avid,
you know, he was such a he was
such a cognitively
aware believer
that he would always look out for Shaitan
wherever he was. And so the prophet, he
told Umar radiallahu an one time that, you
know, if Shaitan would walk down one street
or if Umrah would walk down one street,
Shaitan would look take one look at him
and walk the other way because that's how
much he was against what Shaitan was about.
Right? So
who else wants to go?
Who has one that they wanna share? Any
of the sisters?
Yeah. Like, that lighthearted thing. Right? I know.
A lot of people, they think about becoming
Muslim. They're like, you have to be serious.
You have to frown marked on your face.
Right?
That if you wanna be a good Muslim,
you have to be completely serious all the
time in all walks of life, except you
hear these narrations of the prophet who,
masha'Allah, used to joke around with his companions
a lot. Right? The companion that Taimur is
actually bringing up is a companion by the
name of Nur Umar radiAllahu ta'ala anhu who
used to play jokes on the prophet randomly
in his life. He was like a troll,
basically. One time he brought the prophet
a, a jar of honey because he knew
that the prophet enjoyed it. He enjoyed eating
it, but he didn't have the money to
pay for it. So he brought the guy
who was selling the honey to the prophet,
he goes, hey, man.
And the prophet, like and and the reaction
of the prophet was so you it was
so special because he appreciate that personality.
I want you guys to imagine this. You
know how we stereotype religion sometimes? Imagine if
the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam went up
to Noaman radiallahu anhu was like, hey Noaman,
don't you know that that's lying? No cheating
and transaction brother. The the prophet he took
that moment as a moment of lightheartedness and
he appreciated that. Right. Very very good. Anyone
else want to share?
Yes. Go ahead.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. They used to say that if wanna
find the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasalam in the
battlefield, look for Abu Bakr as Siddiq because
he'll be right around him. Right? What an
incredible person who was with the prophet pretty
much his entire life and also ended up
becoming his father-in-law. Okay? So now, inshallah, I
wanna turn our attention over to this question.
Right? Because now we kind of
laid out the base foundation that Islam has
so much room for the
variety
of people's personalities.
Right?
So now when we introduce this topic of
self esteem
and self value,
Because sometimes
we are in fact our own worst enemies.
We tell ourselves, well, I don't look religious
enough.
I don't know enough. I'm not knowledgeable enough.
Right? I had one person, and
I don't know if this is, like, far
fetched for some people in here, but I
remember I had one person a year ago
who came to soul food 1 night, and
they were telling me, is this something for
people like me?
And I said, what do you mean by
that? And they said, well, I'm not really,
like, I don't I I can't read Quran
well. I said, well, what does that matter?
You're here.
How do you not know that the person
behind you is
what if they're not even Muslim? Right. So
sometimes we psych ourselves out, and because of
that, we miss these opportunities that Allah
gives us in our lives to truly benefit
ourselves.
So
Allah and his messenger must address it some
way or the other. Right? So, Asad, I
wanna ask you this question.
Are there any moments in Quran, right, where
we
get any advice from the prophet or from
Allah
in the Quran specifically
about this idea of valuing the self, right.
How do we value ourselves?
Yeah, for sure. There's actually like 2 things
come to mind. There's 1 hadith that just
came to my mind. My bad. And then
there's 1 ayah that comes to mind. But
before I get to the ayah, I think
the hadith is really important because
when we look into the Quran Allah tells
us about
how the prophet
he says
that most definitely without a doubt you will
find in the messenger of Allah of a
perfect role model and so our responsibility is
to look into the sunnah
as a means of inspiration
and as a means of something to follow.
And so this narration came to mind where
a prophet he's
addressing his people and you have to understand
that these are people who are from different
walks of life, right? Like you have people
in Medina
who are farmers but you have people in
Medina who also, like, spent a lot of
time with the Jewish nations and the Christian
nations and they were, like, scribes.
You had people who were unlettered, like they
didn't know how to read and write, but
you had people who were at the highest
level of education.
So there were so many humans and people
that the prophet had to work with and
the prophet says in a narration,
he says that people are gold are mines
of gold and silver
And then he says,
that the best of them in the times
of ignorance were the best in the times
of Islam. And this is such a beautiful
thing because prophet was saying that every single
person has so much potential in terms of
their personality.
Now my dad, he always says this thing.
My dad is a typical
foreigner
father. K? And what he does is he
likes to give it to you straight. And
my dad would say that the worst thing
that somebody can have is potential.
He said because potential
is unused energy.
So imagine a mine full of gold and
silver. If you do not, like, extract that,
then what is it? It's dirt. It's nothing.
You look inside, you don't see anything, you
extract it, it's what? It's gold and silver.
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala gives us our personality
and who we are, and he tells us
in Surat Daha
when he's talking about Musa he says, Wasa
naat to kalih nafsi? Right? Musa is going
through objectively one of the most difficult times
in his life, and he has to face
a battle that if we were told to
face it, we'll be like,
God, I don't know if I'm your strong
soldier, you know? Like,
this is this is a little much, you
know? Like, I I'm trying to pray. I'm
trying to do these things, but you want
me to go and stand court in front
of someone that literally their only goal is
to kill me. And Allah literally tells Musa
alayhi wasalam
I crafted you, I created you, I made
you, I have bought you exactly for myself,
like, as in
we have so much potential to be the
best versions of ourselves
and to truly come into our personality.
And our responsibility
is to actually act on that present potential.
When we think about acting on potential though
something that ends up happening is that we
end up creating a lot of doubt, right,
a lot of doubt within ourselves
And that doubt that we create within ourselves
typically results from, like, mistakes that we've made,
it may result from even, like, doubts that
we've had in our own mind about certain
things, and we're not able to come into
our full self.
And we call this,
analysis
by analysis.
Right? You were, like, thinking about it. Well,
like, how can I be good at this
if, like, I can't it take me 8
years to upload a file? Like, how am
I supposed to be good at this? You
know, my brother,
he's gonna get really mad at me because
I'm calling him out. But I told him
to come and he didn't come, so it's
his fault. He's, like, coding. He's, like, they
want me to make, like 3 websites. I'm
like, yeah. That's your job.
But he's like it's so hard. Like, how
am I supposed to do it? How am
I supposed to do it? Like, you're sitting
there analysis
by paralysis.
And when it comes specifically to our relationship
with Allah, we make certain mistakes
and we hear you should pray, you should
make dua, you should do dhikr, you should
do all these things. And the first thing
that comes to your mind, well, I did
this and I keep going back to this
sin and I keep making this mistake and
I keep doing this, then there's no way
that Allah is gonna forgive me. But then
Allah himself says in the Quran, he tells
the prophet
say
To my beloved servants that they've crossed their
own boundaries.
Because when you do something that causes you
doubt or you do something that brings you
down, it's you doing something to bring yourself
down. Does that make sense? Like, you've wronged
yourself. So So Allah says, say to my
beloved servants that cross your own boundaries,
Don't lose hope
in the mercy of Allah.
Why? Because God forgives all sins. And the
interesting thing here is that Allah is telling
us that you may view yourself in a
certain light,
okay? You make a mistake, you do something
wrong, you say I'm never capable of being
a better person.
But God,
the one who created you,
is saying that
you have
every single opportunity
of being a better person.
That you are not your mistakes,
you are not your flaws, you are not
your incapabilities
rather these are just starting points for you
to be better. They're launching paths for you
to come into your full self.
There this is actually what makes you who
you are.
Sometimes we don't realize it,
but the mistakes that you make or the
things that you're actually not good at is
what makes you great.
Right?
Anybody in here will classify themselves as a
purse, perfectionist?
Type a personality.
Yeah. You probably take great notes. K? Type
a personality,
perfectionist.
Maybe you don't classify your yourself as a
perfectionist. Anybody get upset when things don't go
your way?
Okay. How about when you get in your
own way? How how angry do you get?
And then do you just, like, sometimes feel
like, I just don't want to do this
no more. I can't. I'm done. You're done.
Yeah. You can't do that. You cannot be
done. You know why? Because that problem is
gonna be there tomorrow.
You have to ask yourself,
am I ready to come into fully who
I am?
And what that means is that Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala is molding you to be yourself.
He is molding you to be you. He
is showering you with mercy to be you.
He's giving you the space to be yourself.
And just like the prophet says that people
are like these mines of gold and silver,
Sometimes you have to go in the discovery
of self.
Who am I?
Why am I this way? Why do I
like to do x y, and z? Do
I really like to do this thing or
do I do it because somebody else is
doing it? Right? These are important things to
be able to ask yourself. So those are
a couple of verses that kind of come
to mind. I know I was not supposed
to give you all those verses but it's
okay.
I, you know, it's interesting when I think
of this question,
I don't know how many people
have read Surat Atin. Right? It's a very
beautiful surah, shorter surah in the Quran.
So Allah actually teaches us a little bit
about, like, the quality of your build. Okay.
He says,
Right? And I want you guys to think
about that real quick. He says, verily
we have made y'all
you people
from or of this incredible,
like, mold.
Okay? Like, you are not created by chance.
You are created very purposefully,
and that's one of the you know, the
scholars, they talk about this extensively. They say
that one of the biggest honors of any
existing life
is the idea of purpose.
Right? That you're built with some sort of
purpose and direction in your life even if
you do not see it.
That every day you wake up and you
feel, like, that redundancy in your life, you
feel like you're taking the same classes, you're
like
like an 8th year senior, you're going through
it. Touch touch home a little bit with
everybody here. Right? So you're you're going through
it, but know that Allah when he says,
you are created by Allah
to be something.
Right? Because the word is really interesting. It
means that when something it's kinda separated out,
it doesn't make too much sense.
Right? Like, you have, like, one part here,
one part over there, one part over here,
one part down there, and there's really not
much sensibility
in that entire thing. But when you put
it together, it becomes something absolutely
amazing.
Right?
So Allah think about this the way that
Allah talks about you in the Quran. And
one of the other things I wanted to
share with y'all is, if you don't believe
me, just look at that entire
scenario that unfolded with prophet Adam alaihis salam
and Iblis.
Right? That when, you know, Allah Ta'ala created
Adam alaihis salam,
there was actually
obviously, the malaika, the angels are not ones
who disobey Allah Allah but angels actually have
their own thoughts. Okay. I think Muslims, unfortunately
misinterpret what angels are. They think that angels
are these robotic beings. They're not. They actually
have thoughts of their own, and we have
narrations about this that Jibril alaihis salam used
to come to the prophet and tell him
that, you Rasoolallah, if you need me to
take care of this guy, just let me
know. Give me like that sign and I'll
do it. Right. He was almost like the
prophet of his older brother. So when Allah
created prophet Adam alaihis salam, the angels, they
would look to Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala, and
they would say, you Allah, why would you
create, like, this this this being? You know
what I'm saying? Like, look at this guy.
Look at this girl. Like, they are going
to cause so much corruption,
right, upon the earth. And they tell Allah,
they say
That all we do is we praise and
glorify you the way that you deserve to
be praised and glorified.
Like, why would you even think about creating
something else? Right? Like, this thing's gonna cause
so much corruption everywhere it goes. And Allah
Ta'ala mentions to the angels, he says,
I know something about them
that you don't even know.
Like, I want everyone to pause for a
second and internalize this right here.
Allah
defended you
to the angels in the heavens.
Allah took a moment of his time
to defend you to things like Jibril,
to creation like Nikkael and Israfil.
And now you think about it like, man,
Allah
had my back.
And, you know, it leads to this next
question
because at times,
you might know that you're beloved. Right? People
grow up in families sometimes.
And the and the people that you're around,
your social your social lives, your social circles,
they love you.
But at times, you begin to listen a
little bit too much to those surrounding
that really kind of, like, take shots at
you. Right? And this story plays right into
it. Because when Adam, alayhis salam, was created,
Shaitan takes one look at him and he
says,
you created me.
You created me from fire. You created him
from clay. Why should I bow down to
him? I'm way better than him.
Imagine if Adam alaihis salam paid attention to
that. You Y'all know, like, this whole conversation
of self esteem, we're thinking about, like, oh,
man. Like, think about all the external factors
that we take into our hearts about the
way that people talk about us. Oh, like,
this dude is definitely not 511. He's 58.
Right?
All you brothers. You know?
The you know, this person definitely doesn't have
this degree. That person has no. Like imagine
if we internalize
every bit of we hear about ourselves
but Adam alaihis salaam, what he internalized
was in fact what Allah told him about
himself.
That I created you.
I made you. I molded you.
Obviously, if you're created by Allah Subhanahu wa
ta'ala, there's value in you. Right? So, Asana,
I wanted to ask you this question.
How do you now kinda practically
appreciate that concept? Right? How do you practically
appreciate that, and how does one start to
begin the journey of learning how to tune
out
how others think about you and allow yourself
to define who you are instead of other
people?
I think, you know, obviously, I started off
with the verse where Allah says
that
you'll find a perfect role model in the
prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam. It's absolutely imperative
to study the life of the prophet as
salam. And the reason why I say it
is because at his time in preaching the
message
and all of these things, like, there was
nobody that people hated more than him. And
it was especially hurtful
because I know, you know, hopefully he'll touch
on this a little bit, but it was
especially hurtful for the prophet because these were
people that he loved
and that had, at one point, they loved
him. Right? Like, these were people that
when they saw him, they would be like,
oh, he's that's my man. Like, he's truthful.
He's trustworthy. He's amazing. He's a good time,
da da da, this and that.
And all of a sudden,
gives him this, you know, incredible mission and
this incredible responsibility
and it's the definition of 2 face, right?
It's the definition of people now coming to
him and saying, oh you thought you were
all that? Just kidding. Like
why if God was gonna send a messenger
he would probably send somebody far greater than
you. Like, these are the things that people
are saying to his face. And you would
say, like, okay, well, sticks and stones, you
know,
but words, you shouldn't let those hurt you.
So the prophet is not hurt by them,
but he's hurt
by them. Right? He's hurt by them and
you see time and time
again Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala tells him
Right? Be patient. Not patient as in, like,
sit there, let people
tell you off, and then be like, okay,
it was cool. No. Like, as in move
forward. Like, these are not your friends. These
are not your people. Like, these are not
the people that you take inspiration from. These
are not the people that you allow
for them to define your personality. You don't
get to do that. Why? Because you have
something much bigger than them at stake.
I think the biggest place that we see
the prophet experiencing
a high level of difficulty
ends up even being categorized as amalhuzn,
the year of sadness, the year of difficulty
for the prophet
And in that year, you will think that
when someone is, like, down and they're going
through it and they're down bad,
you know, at least people will have a
little bit of grace. You know what I'm
saying? Like even people on on Instagram be
like RIP to somebody they don't like. You
get what I'm saying? Like they will like
at least a little bit of grace. And
the prospasm is going through this moment where
he loses his wife
who had supported him from the beginning, someone
who showed so much loyalty to him, someone
they had such a great relationship
that there's no reported, you know, narrations of,
like, an argument. Right? Like, they loved each
other so much. This is where he literally
saw solace from in a moment where he
thought, like, the world was coming against him.
And then he loses his uncle who
not only supported him but died in a
very interesting way
that he is surrounded by so many non
Muslims and all of these things. So the
process of him is down bad
And he goes to Ta'if. And when he
goes to Ta'if, not only did they, like,
stone him and all these things, but they're
yelling at him telling him you're nothing.
You're nothing. You will never amount to nothing.
Like, you're here, you refugee,
you this, you that. Like, using it in
such a derogatory manner, like, how could you
come dare come here and seek refuge?
Right? And the prophet was like, what are
you talking about? Like, I'm coming here to
bring you all kinds of good.
Right?
And in that moment, when he's sitting in
the tree at the at the stump with
the tree
and Jibril
comes to him, this always
brings me to, like, a moment of gratitude
and a moment of realization.
Because in that moment when Jibreel comes to
him and he says, You Rasulullah, what do
you want me to do?
The prophet could have been like, I'm alone
and I'm nothing
and I won't amount to nothing. And he
could have said, I don't want this mission
anymore.
I'm done. I can't handle it. I can't
bear it. He could have said all those
things.
But had he given up and not had
hope and not had any faith and not
had
thought of himself as anything, we wouldn't have
Medina.
We wouldn't have Medina.
We wouldn't have the Zayd bin Thabits,
you know? We wouldn't have the incredible stories
of Medina flourishing and, like, what we have
of it today.
But in that moment the prophet
he acknowledges that people were rude.
Right? He tells Allah, he says I'm just
gonna make dua to Allah.
And he says to Allah, like these people
they're so wretched and terrible.
They're horrible the way that they treat people.
And are you gonna leave me to them?
Then he says something very powerful,
and this is recognizing who created you and
recognizing who made you who you are. And
he says in that moment, but if you
leave me to them, but you're not angry
with me, O Allah, then by all means
do it. Like I don't care what people
have to say but I care what Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala thinks of me. And I
know that sounds like super cliche. Right? You
guys were like, yeah I knew she was
going there, she was gonna do it. It.
But it's the reality of life.
If you walk around caring about what every
single human being has to say about you,
you're not living your life.
You're not living the life that God has
told you to live. But so long as
you walk around caring what Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala thinks of you and how God views
you, you will not do wrong by other
people.
And what does Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala say
in Hadith Qudsi? That when he loves someone,
what does he tell Jibreel alayhi salam love
this person? And then what does Jibreel alayhi
salam do? He calls out to the heavens
and he says everybody loved this person and
then that person is also loved in the
world.
Right? When you do good and you do
right by who God made you to be,
you will flourish.
Like, the the possibilities of
what you can accomplish, and I'm not talking
about, like, a worldly manor. I'm talking about,
like, in your personality
and the comfort and confidence that you can
have.
When you are able to be confident
in who God made you,
you will flourish in this world. And so
I think a big part of it is
reflection
because when you're sitting down and you're thinking
about all the things that you're not, what
about the things that you
are? What about the personality traits and the
parts of you that God has given you?
And I think a big part of being
like, well I don't have anything good about
myself is ungratefulness.
It's being very ungrateful because the waspawad has
given you so
much innately.
Right? Your fitrah is for you to be
awesome.
This is why when people come and they
ask us questions like, oh, do we all
have to study Islam full time and that's
the only way to be a good person?
I'm like, god gave everybody many talents.
And someone being a talented architect, for example,
and Allah giving you that brain and that
mindset on how to do that, and you
not taking that talent and soaring with it
is you being ungrateful.
Why? Because Allah gave you that talent.
Right? Someone's like a an incredible graphic designer,
like,
you you asked me to make a flyer?
Good luck.
Good I will draw you some stick figures.
K? We're gonna slap a date on there.
It's probably gonna be misspelled, and we're gonna
call it a day. Right?
Bismillah,
okay?
You know, like Allah gave you a talent
and it's important for you to show how
grateful you are to God for that talent
by engaging and making sure that you're the
best at it and the best at it
for you, not for somebody else. So the
first part that I I think a practical
element is being able to be introspective and
being grateful.
Right? Being able to be introspective and being
grateful, like, assessing yourself and saying wow these
are amazing things that I didn't do for
myself.
Like, Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'i gave that to
me.
I think the second thing that,
you know, we talk about the Internet a
lot that the Internet is, like, really on
a hype about is affirmations.
K? Look in the mirror and tell yourself
you're great. Don't do that. K? I mean,
if you want to, by all means to
you. But affirmations. But these affirmations in form
of adkar,
zikr.
Right? When you're thinking about
things that maybe you don't have or you
want to have or whatever, saying Allahu Akbar,
like God is greater than this thing,
You know? Like, what does that do? It
brings you back to Allah. It brings you
back to the one who created you. It
brings you back to the one that gave
you these things.
And saying alhamdulillah,
like,
being able to say, like,
you know what? I went to class every
day this week. Like,
I got a b on this test or
an a because your parents will be really
mad if you get a b. K? Saying,
alhamdulillah,
my GPA is not plummeting.
K? Because that's, like, the reality of say,
alhamdulillah, I'm gonna get my GPA up. Okay?
Cause that's like the reality. It's the reality
of the things that have an effect on,
like, your self esteem. And I'll say the
last thing is action.
You have to be.
You have to get up and you have
to keep pushing.
When someone because there would be a lot
of outside factors that will always tell you
you're not enough.
And when people or things are constantly throwing
it in your face that you're not enough,
you have to get up and be enough.
You have to. Because that's who Allah made
you. Allah made you enough.
Right? Who are you enough for? You're enough
for God.
And that's everything. And so you have to
get up and you have to keep going,
you have to keep pushing
because when you don't, the only person that
ends up being ruined is you. The only
person that ends up not being able to
live a fulfilled life is you. Those people
are sleeping happily at night, you know? They
were living their best life and you're stuck
on what somebody else has to say. It's
not good for you.
I
I wanted to share one thing.
When it comes to the outside noise,
I want everyone to understand
that the sunnah of the prophet sallallahu alaihi
wasalam
was never to be a negative outside noise
for people.
In fact,
the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasalam
was the one who used to tell people
about their goodness when they did not even
believe it.
And I think there's a lot of us
who sit on our communities today
who
write ourselves off
as certain things,
and we say we are not worthy of
going to x, y, and z.
We are not worthy of
being in this setting.
And my only advice on this particular kind
of statement here
is just look at what the
prophet used to do with people who used
to struggle really, really seriously with their own
viewpoint of themselves
to the point where
when he was traveling to Medina,
he was
supposed to be robbed
by these 2 men who used to kind
of, like, surprise
every traveler that used to walk down this
certain path.
And the prophet
he would before they even had the chance
to, like, come out from behind the rock
and, like, ambush them, the prophet,
alaihi sallam, was like, alright. I already know
you're here.
Just come out. I know you're here. I
know you're here. I've heard about you guys.
And these guys are like, you know, it's
crazy. I
I know this for a fact that people
who have been talked about their entire life,
they know about this stuff.
They know those insecurities that creep out when
it comes to social gatherings or other people
near them.
And so they looked at each other, and
they were like, man, he's, like, asking us
to come out? Like, everyone's everyone usually hides
from us, and
the prophet, he goes, no. No. No. You
know what? Here. You come sit with me.
In the middle of this valley, we'll sit
together and have a conversation.
So they sit in front of the prophet
sallallahu alaihi wasallam,
and he asked them, who are you?
Tell me who you are.
And their response, subhanallah, I can guarantee you
that it would actually shock psychologists today.
They look at the prophet
before they even say their names and they
say, nahnu muhanan.
We are 2 bad people.
That's how they introduce themselves.
I want you guys to think about the
way you introduce yourself for a second. Right?
You usually say our names and then that
second line. I wanna ask you why you
say that. Right? Like, hey. Assalamu alaikum. I'm
Bilal.
I'm a, you know, software engineer. Right? Or,
like, hey. I'm I'm Amina. I'm I'm I'm
a mother. Right? Like, why is that second
thing the second thing you say after your
own name?
There must be a reason. It's not just
random.
It's because you feel that that's a valuable
part of who you are
that teaches people about your identity.
These 2 guys,
they don't even say their name. They look
at the prophet, alayhi, sallam, and they say,
nahnu muhanan. We are 2 bad people.
It tells you a lot about the way
they think about themselves,
and the prophet at that moment
had a choice.
He could have looked at them and said,
boy, you're right. Like, I heard about your
track record.
You're the guy that comes to the masjid.
Like, you know, like, he could have said
so many things. He could have been, like,
swiper. No swiping. Yeah. Yeah. He could have
been, like, how long I'm stealing?
Right? Like, he could have dropped so much
on them.
But at that moment, he read the situation
and he said, no. No. No. No. You
are not bad people. You've made some bad
decisions, but they do not define who you
are as an identity.
We have to start and by the way,
these people exist in your life.
You know, we all think this, like, weird
new generation concept that, like, it's me versus
the world. You know what I'm saying? Like,
everyone hates me. Right? No one gets like,
no. No. No. That's not true, man. Allah
gives you so many gems in your life.
Like, the same people who complain about the
friend group that they have,
their beautiful friend group is quite literally like
a text message away,
but you won't reach out.
Forget about marriage. That's, like, the that's, like,
the worst one. You can never find a
good person. They're right there,
but we just don't wanna reach out. We
don't we we don't wanna humble ourselves and
accept the fact that Gustavo Fatima mentioned, there's
a lot to be grateful for,
And think about the impact that had on
these two people.
The mercy that they were shown, it led
to so much softness and and and and
and and gentleness within their own heart for
other people. You know like the idea of
like sadaqa jaria, like the gift that keeps
giving. Imagine and by the way, the scholars,
ibn Qayyim Rahim hollaha, ibn Rajab, they write
about this. They say that mercy
is actually sadaqa jariyah. When you show 1
person mercy and truly help them find themselves,
it's contagious.
That person will now tell somebody else about
how beautiful and how valuable they are. And
it all started at a moment where you
just had a little bit of wisdom and
you realize that this person's had enough in
their life. They can't handle anymore.
I need to give them something that they
will get closer to Allah with, right, which
now
leads us to our final conversation, which is
how does this all now tie back to
Allah ta'ala? Asta, do you wanna kind of
share a little bit of thought on this?
Yeah.
So the way that self esteem and self
value kind of ties back, and we talked
about this a little bit,
is
when you view yourself in a negative light,
you typically view Allah in a negative light.
And so there's a hadith Qudsi where Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala says that I am to
my servant how my servant thinks of me.
If you think of yourself and you think
of God to have created someone terrible,
to have created someone who's not kind, someone
who's not this, who's not that, who's not
beautiful, who's not handsome, who's not tall enough
since you butted up,
all these things,
then you've now said that Allah has created
deficiency in you, right? And you're now saying
that Allah does not
wawlibilah,
you're making it as if God does not
know what he's doing. Does that make sense?
And so the way that it bleeds into
your spirituality is that
you then start to worship
solely based off a feeling,
and our worship is not about feeling.
You know? So the most common question that
I get, especially, like, being a woman in
community, is what if I don't feel like
wearing hijab?
I don't feel like it.
My answer
will be very honest every single time. It's
not about how you feel,
it's about what God has told you to
do.
Now if you're struggling, that's a different conversation.
Feeling is a conversation.
If you, for example,
I don't feel like getting up for fudger
today.
Again, it's not about how you feel,
It's about the responsibility
that you're supposed to fulfill.
Right?
What we don't realize is that though there
are certain things, obviously,
Islam has things that are difficult to do
and though there are certain things that may
be difficult for you to embark on in
that moment,
sometimes you don't realize that embarking on that,
even though you don't feel good about it
yet,
will actually
be what helps you develop a level of
security.
It's actually what helps you feel better,
that you've been missing a level of submission
in your life to God for so long.
And you submitted yourself to your own nafs,
to your own self
and that has done you no good.
When you sacrifice for the sake of Allah,
what ends up happening is that Allah
gives you safety.
Right? He gives you the sense of accomplishment.
He gives you the sense of safety, the
sense of understanding, the sense of what's called
tawakkul.
And so
when you don't have that value in Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala, then you end up not
having value in yourself. And it's just a
trickling effect, you know. I teach a woman's
talaq on Sundays.
It's a bunch of moms, other people too,
so come through, But,
not you guys. I'm sorry.
But my favorite thing to tell them is
misery loves company.
Because what happens is that when you're not
feeling good, right? Say for instance I say,
today,
the word is not my thing. Okay? I
don't feel like it. I'm not feeling good
about myself. I don't feel like getting up
for praying. Don't wanna do this. Somebody else
comes, they're like, you know, I'm not feeling
great praying. You're like, me too. Both of
you guys decide not to pray. Misery loves
company.
What happens is that you hype each other
up in the worst way possible.
And so the way that your self esteem
bleeds into your spirituality
is that the more that you have trust
in the law, whether you're feeling great about
yourself in that moment or not, you know
that God created you in greatness.
And therefore, out of wanting to fulfill that
greatness or wanting to be great grateful to
Allah for the good that he's done for
you, even when you don't feel like doing
something, you're like I'm doing this solely for
you Allah. And that is what ihsan is.
The prophet says that ihsan
is not perfection,
is not being perfect,
is not healing the nail on the head.
No.
Ihsan is worshiping Allah as if you can
see him. And even though you cannot see
him, you know that he can see you.
Even though you do not wanna fulfill certain
things because you're human and that's the human
side of you, you still fulfill it. And
what happens when you fulfill your responsibility to
Allah, you feel more content.
You feel more contentment.
And the more contentment you feel, the better
you feel about yourself.
So what I'm saying is that self esteem
and value,
it actually comes from your dedication to Allah.
It doesn't come from your dedication to yourself.
It doesn't come from your dedication to other
people. It solely comes from your dedication to
Allah.
The more that you submit yourself to Allah,
the better you actually do feel about yourself.
I really wanted to finish off today's session
with this,
ayah and the Quran insha'Allah. So I'm gonna
pull it up on the screen so everyone
can see it, and inshallah, it'll kind of,
like, tell itself, man. Quran, you really don't
have to do much with it. You can
just literally share it with people, and you
guys will appreciate it inshallah.
So up here is this.
Okay?
Just to give you guys a little bit
of a disclaimer, this is basically about the
story of Musa and his mother, right, the
separation between a mother and a child.
And at this point, Musa had already gone
downriver and ended up in the home of
the pharaoh, the kingdom of the pharaoh. Okay.
And so Allah Ta'ala, he mentions this after
he was picked up by, you know, Asiya,
the pharaoh's wife. The mother of Musa did
not have any idea of any of this
stuff. Now check out how Allah depicts this
scene right here. He says,
He says, the next day after she had
lost her son,
he says,
her heart
her heart felt empty,
okay, and he says
Had we not given her heart strength,
she would have disclosed everything about her son
to the pharaoh. Now check this out, y'all
be blown away real quick? This is incredible.
In the beginning part of this verse, Allah
says, and by the way there are 2
words used for the word heart right here,
okay. The first one Allah uses the word
the word
the second one He uses the word, anyone,
Kalb, very good. What's the difference?
Fuad
is the heart that you have, the part
of your heart that's extremely emotional,
Y'all know that?
The heart that feels,
the heart that's happy, that's sad, that's grief
stricken, that's excited,
all of those great emotions
are a part of that heart that's called
Fuad.
And here Allah says,
that she felt empty.
So as a Muslim like Ustadha mentioned, you
don't have to be like this happy person
all the time. How many of us are
tired of hearing that whole thing about, like,
oh, you're sad? Go make dua.
Oh, you're sad? Go pray. No. No. No.
Some of the most devoted Muslimin
are people who struggle with mental health.
Some of the most devoted
people who are loyal to Allah are people
who wake up in the morning and they
may be upset.
So Allah says that about her the mother
of Musa, he says look, she will her
heart was empty but
had we not strengthened her her
spiritual heart
she wouldn't have been of those people who
were believers.
So I want you guys to appreciate this,
like, Estado echoed here That there will be
moments where you wake up,
and you'll realize, man, like, I don't feel
the best. She mentioned about Salah, Duhar, Fajr,
Asar, you name it. You might wake up
and be like, yeah. I'm not feeling that
right now.
But when you go back and you think
about every moment that Allah had
your back, and now check this out, in
this last part about her story with her
child Musa,
he says
and we returned
him back
to her. We got them back together. Why?
Because Allah promised you.
Allah told you that this would happen
and not
only
that so she will not be sad anymore.
Do you think that Allah and and and
Sadah talks this a lot of times in
her own classes? Do you think Allah wants
to see us sad? No.
Allah takes no joy in seeing people
having self esteem and self value issues.
A lot of times, we do these things
to ourselves,
but the minute that we remember that Allah
Ta'ala the same one that caused me to
have my happy moments,
then we appreciate even those moments that were
upset
and how do you act that out? She
mentioned it in her last point
is that that affirmation,
that action,
that's where that plays in.
Because right here, y'all know what the tafsir
of this is wild because when he was
returned back to her, that was one promise
of Allah. Anyone know the second promise of
Allah when he took Musa away from his
mother? That he would return that he would
return him back to her as a
as a prophet.
So Ibn Kathir
says that when he was returned back to
her, she now she knew Allah was always
true to his promise. And so from then
on, she treated her son like the son
that he that she loved and also the
prophet that he would become.
She would never doubt anything that Allah Subhanahu
wa ta'ala promised ever again.
So
think about how, you know, the way that
you think about yourself,
the way that you value yourself,
it really, really plays a huge role in
the way that you see Allah Subhanahu wa
ta'ala
and allow it to play a beautiful,
beautiful role in your relationship with
image of your relationship with Allah ta'ala. Is
that anything that you wanted to end with
insha'Allah?
Insha'Allah, we'll end with that. This was a
little bit of a heavy session insha'Allah, but
we ask Allah
to allow us to be people who not
only,
think value in in ourselves,
but never allow that value to be addressed
to us, but at the end of the
day, allow that inner value to be addressed
back to the way that Allah has taken
care of us. And we ask Allah
to allow
every moment of peace and tranquility
and even every moment of hardship and trial
to be one that leads us to his
worship in the way that he deserves to
be worshipped.
Everybody.
Thank you so much for coming. I appreciate
you guys very much.
We will be seeing you guys again
next Thursday for another edition of Soul Food.