Riad Ouarzazi – Homemade Happiness #16 – Water the Love Part 4
AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss the importance of watering love and respecting one's spouse's emotions in a series on homemade happiness. They emphasize the need to not be too old and the importance of learning how to manage emotions in the face of domestic violence. The success of Islam and its importance in shaping society is also discussed.
AI: Summary ©
Smell our handle all sorts of sounds so let's apply that what
is reality is as he were coming off to homemade happiness Episode Number 16 so that might so just give a minute or two for more people to join in Sharla
and seein Salaam to those who have already joined us to the mean when it comes to them and phases when it comes to the law
of habit yeah hello my habit
goes to them is Jesus says yeah always do guys on top Mashallah hidden when it comes to them and then almost Hubba Manas.
We've got Facebook and we got Instagram going life
and today is episode number 16 of homemade happiness
still talking about watering the love
yeah hello Madhava so again I'll just give a minute maybe or to give a chance for people to join alrighty just given a chance for more people to join if you just join said Mr. McCullough
homemade happiness
Episode Number 16
water in the love
love watering the love So it's this is part number four actually. So four episodes just talking about watering the love you know, between husbands and wives or prospects don't have to necessarily be married. Well, I recommend Sarah Hello mother Kathy. Hello. Madhava widecombe Sarah, Helen and then and then and then. And then Mohammed and then Nolo Atacama Salim hanifa Arkansas because I've got Instagram and I've got Facebook all going live at the same time
on YouTube as well. Anyways
I want to start but people are slowly slowly starting to sign in and joining our session so I just want to give him you know a minute why didn't come and sit down with Mike law Hello Mariana Mohammed welcome Sarah.
Hope you guys are doing great. Today is a very very hot day so Pamela
today is a very hot day why because so much about today is like
sunny hot humid it here in in Toronto beer you know Toronto area
Yes, still note if you have not you know missed if you missed out in all the sessions you know, it's homemade happiness today is episode number 16. So 16 lessons so far right? And four lessons are talking about watering the love watering the love. So if you missed out, please go back and watch it because this this it's an amazing series. It talks it covers all the members of the families, right? We'll be talking to girls and boys daughters and sons and husbands and wives.
dads and moms will be talking to everyone in this area. So please, if you have missed amount, you know, go back and watch them. They all are recorded on Facebook on Instagram on YouTube. Oh then move into Toronto. So yes mean. Come to Toronto.
It's beautiful here. Yeah, we have the AC on.
Yeah, you have to have the ACR.
Alright, let's start in Charlotte. It's the smilla Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala one more time so that medical heartlight Allah cattle who the other was as he was coming all of you to our homemade happiness series. Today is session number 16 I saw a lot of 40 level at 16 lessons so far.
And we and and and the today's session is again one more time watering the love water the love and it's part number four so three sessions of you know previous sessions all talking about you know husbands and wives and part number four today you know of watering the love I hope to finish off with you know with with watering the love so that we can move on to another another episode inshallah tada talking to the youth. Right? So I want to finish in sha Allah who tada of all the series about watering the love. Yesterday, we talked about the the signs of loyalty, right? Yesterday we talked about loyalty, the importance of loyalty, as I mentioned, it's this very rare
you know, currency you know, and I gave examples about how the Prophet Mohammed ism was loyal and, and and not only profitable
Prophet Mohammed that, of course, you know, our, our role model, but how one should be loyal to their loved ones. And then we talked about the signs of loyalty, right?
That you should defend yourself, you know, and support your spouse regardless, you should always do, you know, talk good about them and defend them, you should, you know,
keep the tie and uphold the tie of kinship with your, with your loved ones, right with your husband and with your and with your, with your wife, then their families, you know, you should uphold that ties of kinship with them. And then also making out for one another is another sign of you know, of loyalty.
Anyways, my brothers and sisters
also, I mentioned something yesterday and this is all about watering the love, right how to water the love, you know, how to energize that love between husbands and wives, or in general, between any loved ones not necessarily don't have to be married, as I said, you know, to benefit from my sessions, even those who are planning shala to edit or get married? Or would your loved ones in general, how, you know, should we look to one another with the not the eye of reality, but the eye of the eye of mercy. And I explained that a lot yesterday and that what that means, right? And Allah Xhosa when he mentioned in the a while that and so we're gonna come and do not forget the good
between you know, there was so much good, you know, you've been living with one another, let's say for a low atom, you know, some measure of I've been married for years, you know, so do not forget the good between you and also the Hadith of the Prophet Mohammed beautiful Hadith, that when he said that a Muslim man should not hate should not detest believing woman and his his spouse, if he sees if he did test, one of her
character characteristics, which he does not like, there will be something else which he would like. So he should not hate her, you know, or hate her as a person by her her actions because, yeah, and he she, if he hates something, that she wouldn't have something else that he would like. So there's always that badness and the Prophet Mohammed Islam, you know, as if he's telling us here, don't don't always look for negative, you know, stuff, but look for positives and SubhanAllah. Shaytan is really smart. Shaytan, you know, makes people look into these negatives after marriage. Why? Because Satan has made this oath, he has made this oath and that oath is adhered it is embodied by the way
he did, it isn't behind this very sound, Hadith.
The Sharia thing, they every day, they have like a progress report, they meet with the big trade on, right. So there's so many shout outs in the small shopping, they meet with the big ship, and then they do like a progress report. They tell him what they have done for that day. Right? They report to him what they have done for that day. So the shape man comes and he says, I made this man commit adultery, I made this man drink alcohol, I made this woman remove his job, I did this, I did that I did this a lot. They just report what they have done for the day, you know, for the big time. And then one of the shayateen says, I made the men divorced his wife, I made a man divorcing his wife,
he tells him end to end you you and come come and he gets him to sit next to him. Because that's the most beautiful shape on to the big shape and the most bit of shape after the big shaytan is the one that gets to have a man divorce a woman you know, or, you know, the to separate between a man and a woman. And this is what the shaitaan wants, he wants some kind of law to
to separate with one another and to cause Subhanallah you know, frictions with one another. This is his job. That's what he wants before marriage. He did not make you look into the into the negatives even the negatives even if you were to see them, you'll always have you know, found ways to offset them right. But after marriage, he wants to luck. He wants to use that up he wants you know, to separate between the two so he makes even something that is you know, minor. He makes it looked like something really major. And then start you know whispering about bollock. So, look at one another with the eye of a man with the eye of mercy versus the eye of the the the eye of the beat. Remember
yesterday I said the eye of the bee versus the eye of
the eye of the fly. And then I mentioned something yesterday with regard to
with regard to improving you know and wiring The love I said listening to one another, listen to another building that skill you know, listening skill with one another and I said that listening is the is a two way path. I mentioned yesterday the fact that somehow law laws are created us with
two ears and one mouth and
fora chicama from Allah Xhosa that this mouth can be closed
but the ears that always open they have no luck
unless you put some earbuds but they have more luck. Meaning you got and two verses only one one mouth two ears. We should be more listening rather than talking. And the Prophet Mohammed Ali Santos I mentioned this beautiful Hadith in Bukhari, right in Bukhari when he says, Man Kenny, Amina belay will Yeoman failure to hire Alia smart, whosoever believes in Allah on the Day of Judgment, he should say good or Be quiet. And sometimes we need to be quiet, especially, you know, husbands and wives sometimes when there is some, you know, arguments and whatnot. Sometimes it's better to be quiet, right? Keep quiet, don't talk back.
Right? Don't talk back. So I asked Allah subhana wa to help us out by
listening and listening skills I want to share with you You know,
some of the tools to improve your listening skills, but I've got a homicide with us with
this request requesting to have a live video chat with me Why not? shift must have is my buddy always Yeah.
Yeah, hello.
Yeah, hello, man. Hello.
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let me share with you with regard to,
you know, listening, how to build that list, listening skills, the prophet Mohammed, Allah. So Sam, whenever somebody needs to talk to him, he would look at that person, he would trace that person look at that person. And a beautiful thing that you could do when you're listening is listening and interacting with that person, or at least smile.
Especially when your wife is talking to your husband. You know, there's somebody who listens like,
yeah, and he, like you're listening and you're preparing something, or you're listening and
you're interacting,
you're listening and interacting. So it's nice when you can couple the listening with some smiles. When you're listening and facing that person, versus listening and,
and maybe going on your phone. Right, you cannot be listening and you're chatting,
you know, chatting on the phone. So you're not giving that person full attention.
You're not giving that person full attention. So to give that person full attention, face that person, look at that person. Right? And don't interrupt that person. Wait until that person finishes, you know, talking. Give them you know, because a problem that a lot of people do is you know, when somebody else is talking to them, sometimes they rehearse what they have to say, right? They rehearse the answer
before, you know so that they're not focused. They're not totally listening. They listen, but at the same time, they rehearse in what to say. And that's not going to be fair, because sometimes what happens and this is what happened to me all the time, you know, not all the time, but it used to happen some handler, you know, that it didn't happen to me several times where in the budget given, right, given the fact that there are some people who come to listen to you, but because they want to argue or they don't like you, or because they are looking for something bad again, they're looking for something negative. So you may be something you may be saying something like
something like black, but they hear it white,
because they're not focused. They want to they want to only listen to what they want to listen, they're only looking for something, you know, to complain and something to criticize you on. Right? So they came to me they said, Oh, you said this, and I said no, I never said that. I don't know I never said that. In fact, and they got people right next to me said no, he did not why because
Those people who are already programmed the program because they did not come to listen, they came to argue and they came to criticize. So hear something with your spouse, for instance, you know, you're having a dialogue, some sort of conversation, you know, you listen to them and give them the benefit of the of the doubt and interact with them, how can you interact by maybe asking questions about that very particular to that then discussing with you on, you know, like, ask questions to show them that you're interested to show them that you are paying attention, you know, and and, you know, this is one way of interacting facing them, you know,
using your heads, the body language, smile, right?
How will try to hide to have a conversation, try, you know, if you are busy, let's say, Okay, if you're busy, tell them, I'm really busy, I need to send this email right now, because it's really urgent. And then, you know, give them a time though, just give me five minutes, give me 10 minutes, you know, so but don't because your mind if you're busy, you know, wanted to finish something up, and then you put it down, let's say you put your phone down, and they say, Okay, here it is, what is it that you want, that you're not, you're halfway there, you're not fully there.
It's not fair, you're not fully there. because your mind is still, you know,
perturbed with, with with the email or with that conversation that you had with with work with whatnot, finish what you're doing, if you're really, really busy, right? finish what you're doing, tell us, you know, tell the person, tell your wife, tell your husband, let me just give you give me five minutes, give me give me 10 minutes, I'm just need to put the you know, the, I need to make sure that the oven is is you know, I need to make sure that the food that I'm cooking, you know, I don't want it to burn or whatnot, give them an explanation, give them a justification, right and tell them just give me five minutes. That is if you're busy, and you cannot have that conversation
live with them. Right. Because if you want to have that, you know, friendly conversation. So both parts have to be present, you know, you have to be focused, and you have to give each other the benefit of the doubt. So if you're busy, you know, give them a time where you can go back, and then you know, and talk to them.
And we men, what we tend to do when somebody especially our wives are talking to us about a problem, we tend to always tell them solutions or give them solutions. She's telling you about a problem that she had at work, for instance, with her boss, or colleague, or maybe even at school, or whatever she's telling you about her problem, you know, and we met, we tend to jump into giving them solutions. But maybe she does not want the solution. She just wants to vent.
Men, we do that a lot. Because this how we're don't blame our sisters don't blame your husband's allies vision has made us in that somehow by that nature that we are made to look for solutions,
you are made to look for solutions were made to just you know, if something is broken, how can we fix it, and we will not rest entities fixed. We are like that way men, you know, as you, you know, my dryer just being you know, broken. And and I couldn't focus because I had to fix it. And then they're saying, well, it's like 10 years old, why don't you go and you know, buy a new one. And I said in this lockdown. What do you mean by a new one? You know, how can we afford now at this moment to go and buy a new dryer for instance? Right? So my mind was focused on how can I fix this dryer?
This is how men think. So we need now. So we as men, we need to condition ourselves as well, when especially when our wives are talking to us
that they don't necessarily want us to solve their problem.
They don't want us to necessarily solve their problem. Maybe they just want to vent and talk and they want somebody to listen to.
And I started doing that. It took me years but I started doing that. So even in my counseling, it happened to me many times I'm talking and then some sisters. She's complaining at the time when I used to do counseling. Okay, you know, she's talking, talking, talking, I said, sister, can I just put you on the speakerphone, right? I'm doing stuff and she's here. So I put her on the speakerphone and I'm doing stuff where she's talking to but I'm listening as well, right? And then, you know, at the end, she says thank you chef Zach Lohan for helping me. Thank you for helping me and I said to myself that I didn't say anything. He never, I didn't even tell her what she should do or whatnot.
But she should know, all I did was I listened. And that's all she wanted. She wanted somebody to listen to. And then she got her own solution. So sometimes you need to be your own coach, even if you're not like a life coach, be a life coach. And a life coach is not someone who solves other people's problems just so you know if you'd be a life coach, you know, in the past, a life coach will never tell you what to do. But a life coach a good life coach is someone who
I only asked you strategic questions to help you solve your own problems. Wow. That's why I was a life coach. But yeah, at some I'm certified. But I stopped doing that for some time. But the thing is, a good life coach will never solve, you will never tell you what to do. But he will, or she will ask you strategic questions to help you solve your own problems. So as husbands or maybe wives, but husbands, you need to be you know, learn that skill, especially with your wives.
That may ask a brother question here. What are the brothers? Let me ask the brother who's married who's married, hear from the brothers? I need to ask them a question.
Who are married hear from the brothers? And I want a brother here who's married so I can ask him a question either on Facebook or Instagram.
Any brother who's married?
Anybody who's married I want to ask them a question.
You see, I cannot see you. I you know, if I could see you, then that's a different story. So I feel like I'm talking to myself here. You know, but this is the thing about social media now.
There's no brother who's married.
Okay, fine. Is there any brother who's not married? You're but your husband is listening. Sister Khadija. Okay. All right. Sister, honey, just husband. Let me ask you a question. If your wife Khadija, if your wife Khadija. She asks you, honey, what should I wear? My black hijab? Or my pink hijab? What should you say?
This is question two. Khadija, Mohammed. Jeff. You said your husband is listening. If you're has if your wife asks you, should I wear a black hijab or a pink hijab as a husband? What should you say?
This is a it's this is not rocket science question. This is a pretty straightforward question. Your wife asks you should I wear my black shoes or my
my white shoes? What should you say?
Shall I you know with this dress, should I shall I wear the this this should disperse or that purse? What should you say?
Khadija Mohammed? He says You look beautiful in both you wear your wish?
He's trying to be smart. Now. Ha. He says You look beautiful in both? Yeah, that's that's a good answer. Actually, that's a very good answer.
That's a good, that's a good. In fact, we men now. I mean, the right answer is for you know, you've asked her that same question. What do you think? What do you think? Right? She thinks she would say, I think I think I like the the the white one. I said, Oh, my gosh, I was I was thinking I like that, too.
You're not lying. But
she would say I was thinking this. I was thinking this purse. You say? Amazing. Somehow we think together. We you and I and one we think the same. I was thinking the same too, right? We men, we tend to solve problems, we tend to say do this, we tend to say where that we tend to say you know, but sometimes we don't want to do that. And we don't want to say that. So this is again, another skill that comes part of the listening skills is not not to solve people problems, listen to them, let them vent, let them share their feelings and whatnot, right? Then gained of trust. And then you can ask questions, and see how you can and shallow to how to solve problems that way.
Same thing, you could do the same thing with your children, brothers and sisters, not only with your spouses, right, this leads to listening skills. You can do that with your friends, with your loved ones, with your children, if you have kids, listen to them as well, my brothers and sisters, and just so you know, when you are conversing with your spouse here or with anyone for that matter, right? You don't. You don't have to necessarily agree with what they say.
Right? But you have to respect each other's opinions. You don't necessarily have to agree with you know, especially when we're having a conversation about a matter, right about Should we do this or should we do that or talking about a political problem talking about an issue or whatnot. She has an opinion and you have yours. We need to learn to you know, respect each other's opinions, but we don't have to necessarily agree with each other. If we disagree, we have to learn how to some other with others, they say that they say we have agreed to disagree.
We have agreed to disagree. No, this is a an expression that they always say, right? But no, it's fine that you disagree with her. It's fine that you disagree with him, right? As long as you respect each other's opinions. And at the end, you come up with some sort of, you know, a mutual mutual decision in sha Allah hota
my business sisters, one of the major problems that lead to divorce is in fact, the lack of listening skills. Well, like I told you, I'm a marriage officer and I and I do this a lot.
One of the, you know, main reasons of divorce really between husbands and wives is lack of know, listening to one another. Another thing sisters and brothers, you know, that will water the love. What are the love? having fun with each other? Having fun.
Break that routine. When was the last time you and your husband maybe you went on a on a jog on the walk?
What's wrong with that? You know,
Prophet Mohammed used to do that the same you know, he used to do that with with Asia with his wives. He used to race with her sometimes, you know, he would raise your Ayesha she narrated the story I she narrated. You know, she said when I was younger, and we were raised, she says she she won the race. So they had a race of that she won the race. And then he said she said and then he was feeding me meat, feeding me meat for like few weeks. And then she gained some weight. And then she ran they ran again the race. And then the she said then the Prophet he you know, he won the race. So the first time she won the race, but then he was feeding her.
And she saw that eating and whatnot. And after some time, they race together then the Prophet won the race. So what's wrong about having had fun with your spouse? Right? So we're talking about ways to improve and ways to water that love. What are the love? I talked about the listening skills? And then I talked about looking at one another with the with that. We know with that with mercy, I talked about the loyalty and here I'm talking about a toughy here in Arabic we call it a toughy What is it? Family Fun? Prophet Mohammed taking a bath with heisha from the same Subhanallah Yoni bucket, you know, if there's like a, some sort of a container, both of them were taken back from the same,
the same ice, you know, but and then and then she threw some water at him. And then he and then he splashed some water on her. It was like splashing water with each other, you know, especially in water, especially water, you know? It's okay, she's your wife. He's your husband. What's wrong about you know, you jogging together or you playing together? You may say where we were too old for that you were too old for that. Were too old for that we do
what does that mean? You're too old and you want to go and start you know by your grave and go and start visiting your grave in your graveyard call us get ready for for for the for death and get ready to meet religion you know? No more fun with your with your loved one. And how does that what does that mean? You know I'm you know, we're old with old What do you mean with old?
Never Too old Exactly. You can always have fun with your husband have fun with your wife
shfc Can he cannot walk he cannot run no more you know these big belly just got run no more you know, you know like everything is south now. You know? She cannot walk you know she cannot run. Make her run man. You don't have to run you couldn't walk
and walk.
Why not? You have to run you know can drop together.
That's why I said you maybe you're not looking at her or him with the eye of the beat. You are looking with the eye of the fly.
Having fun.
on a snowy day, some snow. What's wrong with playing with snow with each other throw and stop one another. Oh, no. So we're not kids. We don't do that. No more. We don't do that. No more. What do you mean we don't do that. No more rain would stay with each other having fun and whatnot. I don't care what you you get my point. My point is break that routine. And have fun with your loved one.
Have fun with your loved one. go biking.
Go bike with your loved one.
No, she does not know how to bike. Yes, he who did you marry by the way? What did you marry? I said go jog with her. No, she cannot jog go bike with her. No, she cannot back Go run with her. No, she cannot run. Go Who did you marry man?
What did you marry?
Every time I say something to this guy. He's
says she cannot she can I'm just I'm playing with myself right?
She can't she can't she can she can.
But did you did you marry Jenner? I don't know, man.
I know what think of some ways think of some ways to have fun with your loved one that's what I'm trying to say here. All right, think of some ways something called a toughie Hillman
Why Why can't you laugh?
Hmm, why is it haram to laugh? You tell me tell me please because in some houses without life
okay. manisa I want to talk to Monica manisa
say yes is more and he said there are no hanbali
Northern Santa Monica. I want to ask a question.
Because I know what he says she's she Mashallah she's looking
to travel to how to help her find a righteous husband. Sharla but I want to ask him, alright manisa would you want to marry a guy his half? masala is half a very great guy. But that's all he does when he comes home as salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa and you repeat, while a como moto Ma, and then he says he only talks per annum Hadith, he says, All Allahu
wa shabu to sifu. He's telling you Allah says eat and drink and he's telling you he's hungry. And then you tell him, Allah Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam one third for the for the air and one third for this and one third for that, you know, and then he eats and then after you finish he says, He says yeah, and he was tired, he wants to go to sleep. But he doesn't speak because he only speaks Allah. Allah He says, Allah hoonah you know in one How do you find your lead that whole the whole scene that Oh, wanna know that Oh yeah, honey this man Mashallah half the energy but he when he tell him sir No No If you love
there's no there's no laughing there's no humor there is no there is no key I have hit a key I hit it I had hit
my face movies movies there is no such a thing there is no it's only
would you want to marry this guy.
You want to marry this guy?
You want to marry this guy? You know there is no there is no there is no
match always have everything but you wanna marry somebody? Some guy like that? Huh?
Ah, exactly. All right. Okay, you see that? So some people think you know they don't laugh. The kids they grew up with a complex the kids they grew up so Pamela is that everything is haram Hey Hon, hey ha Hey, sit down. No. Me either. Hi Bella. It's okay to have some fun it's okay to laugh it's okay to have you know, I was just earlier saying you know Jen Jen nama like you know that that or that the the picture I posted on my YouTube on my social media but the one of the Superman in the bedroom is Superman in the desert. A Superman in the desert. And then some people say you have Superman is Hara.
This as a super man in the desert about one Superman and
Superman is Hara. I say man I would have never let you marry my daughter man.
Oh no. Oh never let you marry my daughter. Pretty much Superman is harder to do i did i say Superman is how many I'm gonna fly like Superman. Is he the way look like Superman. Maybe.
But not Superman man. But anyways understanding to some people who they don't know how to. How to Nikita Hillel fun Hello in Islam. Hello.
So brothers and sisters
have that with your spouse. Had fun? The smile is is sad Halloween magic Halloween magic you know magic black magic either but head on magic the smile you know the the the the don't make your home like a graveyard.
Sometimes you go even to weddings, some Muslim weddings. You don't know whether it's a Muslim wedding. Or what is it's a it's a Muslim funeral. There is no fun.
Our weddings, sometimes the extreme those that are so much so much fitna or like hey,
I went to this. They waited for me until I came out as soon as they came up.
To hear the
Bollywood thing happening right either top or there's some that are very the bottom the bottom like my wish they bring in a guy you know that talks about
a palapa man.
This is in a wedding they brought a guy, they bought a guy a shift and then the shift gives a lecture and the lecture says okpala Kumar
is talking about tala
man. What is I mean, come on it this is a wedding, you know, and you're telling them about the luck.
And Jani? Well, we have something in between
you know, so it's okay to have you know, don't make your home a graveyard.
Don't make your home like a graveyard. Have some fun. It's okay.
All right, Megan.
I said sometimes I ignore comments. But that one was funny. Someone played the Nasheed facet, the love or the wedding.
Maybe you know why they prefer shut up because they didn't know that what it meant. They did not know what it meant. They played this song, the song about death, you know, in a wedding. Maybe they just like the lyrics, but it did not maybe understand what it meant. But anyways, the point is my brothers and sisters.
Love with one another, laugh at home with one another.
I have another thing in Charlotte either before.
Something also to water the love. Something to water the love when you marry.
You know when you marry your wife, your husband, it is a responsibility of the husband.
It is the responsibility of the husband to teach his wife any step. I need to teach her her Dean
to teach her but so Pamela there are some wives who can also teach their husbands. I'll give you some examples. I'll give you some examples.
I'll give you them something ha ha
ha Isha Sheena rated the more than 2000 Hadees. She was adamant. He she was adamant. She was really adamant. She was a scholar 2210 Heidi that she narrated
Halima
there are many, many women who are known to be scholars, women scholars.
Seidman will say you suddenly will say it was one of the intercessors very well known, you know, from the TV.
Right? He his daughter got married to one of his students. The next day after the wedding, he got up to go to his her father's, you know, das lecture. She says, What are you going? He said, I'm going to your father's lecture, and I have to attend his lecture. What is the lecture about today? He said, he says it's about Trek. She says, Come sit down. I'll teach you.
The second day you got up, I'm going where are you going? I'm going to your father's lecture. What is the lecture about today? He says it's about Hadees. She says sit down as teacher Hadith.
The third day he got up to go to him for Where are you going? The Father's lecture? What is it going to talk about today? He's gonna talk about she says sit down and teach you but
she says what he says I don't know who's who's more. I didn't know your your father was more knowledgeable. Every time he wants to go out now come I'll teach you what my father would teach you come and sit down. And she taught him she Anima Anima. They are but it is done as the responsible for the husband to teach his wife, but not me. If the wife she is more knowledgeable in Islam, she definitely she should teach her her husband. Right? The Imam Malik in America, his daughter, she was also Anima
and Emma Malik some hallowen has given a lecture his daughter, she's always distinct from behind. And then if even Malik was to, you know, say something, sometimes he would make a mistake. She would knock on the door.
She would knock on the door. Yeah, and Oh Dad, you made a mistake. I think he would go back and then he would rectify it. And then he would just keep talking and then if he makes some mistakes
from the back, because she wouldn't walk out the door or know you made a mistake. It might be the Sakina Sakina beetle Hussein second up into her saying she was also adamant.
She said on another scholar woman, Xena Hussein and she is Xena. She was stubby but when omega the doctor of omega
She was a doctor from Romania at the time. You know her name is Xena. She was Kadima, Karima alabanza Mm hmm. Buhari, Mr. Buhari, you know Mojave, Mojave, Mojave Mojave, one of his
teachers,
che ha lady, a woman
a woman in New Jersey, mmm New Jersey another, you know, he had three women scholars who taught him in New Jersey, even with the hubby these are all from the predecessors, your mom and dad mm hmm mondini even remotely all these are emails, well known Imams, but if you go back and look into these imams who really taught them women scholars, so if Allah says Allah blesses you with a woman's color, Mashallah, Mashallah. But you as a husband, you have that responsibility to teach your wife about her D. Right? And my brothers and sisters with regard to this is something really important. What is important, if sometimes because as a marriage officer, we have these issues, sometimes the
husband would, Mashallah become
religiously committed. And then his wife is not when he had
a visor shows him the lights, he guides him, right. He wasn't guided as well, you know, but a visor guides him. I think he comes as, Oh, my watch is not wearing hijab, and not happy and I should divorce her I should.
If the Imams were to issue divorce, then the majority of the Muslims will be divorced.
But we're not here to start issuing divorce or she's not wanting to divorce she's not praying divorce or she's not
divorcing me. That does not how that's not how it works. Allah subhana wa tada has shown you the light
before How were you? You were straight to a lie guy? Did you make the effort a lot together as well. Same thing for your sister. Allah subhanho wa Taala guides you love America and maybe your husband is still maybe not praying, maybe your husband because they say oh chef, if my husband is not praying is Kevin and I cannot be married to Kevin. I cannot be married to Kevin. So what should we do? Like I said if the aroma of the shoe start issuing divorce, the majority of the Muslim households will be divorced.
A law surgeon has guided you make the offer your husband to be guided and when they travel Allah Allah will guide him as well.
So this is something to put in your mind in sha Allah tada as part of watery water in the love. Another thing I need to make sure that my brother and sisters you understand is
something you know to water the love is learn how to control your emotions and your feelings.
When the Prophet Mohammed Alister slim came out at home from home, he came up at night.
And who's narrating this may Mona may wanna his wife maimana he came out at home, you know, he came out from home at night. When he came out, he came back in and the door was locked.
The door was locked. So he knocks at the door. She did not want to open the door for him. Imagine you go out, you come back in and you're the wife does not want to open the door for you know, I'm not opening the door for you. So am I gonna sleep in the car go back to where you came from.
Prophet Mohammed, he went back. So because of Elisa Subhana, Allah she thought that he went to his other wife. So she told him, No, I'm not opening the door. He says, My Mona will lie. Although Why did I Why did you go?
He says my efforts were lacking they have to be at about her just went to take care of the call the nature call, he went to urinate.
She thought when he went out he went to visitors otherwise she locked the door.
But that's Prophet Mohammed slash mean you'll have to manage his emotions, his anger.
If you come home, and then you find your wife, maybe looking at your phone and checking it out or browsing your phone, or smelling or brushing your jacket or you know, looking down and looking out and whatnot and searching for whether, you know, this is another problem. There's another problem, the problem of trust.
But just look what happened when the you know, the wife of the Prophet Mohammed, she locked him, you know, out just because she thought he went to visit his other wife and how he handled it. Some of you said
anger. There's a lot of people who have this anger problem. Anger Management don't have to, I don't say suppress your anger that's wrong, suppressing your anger, but how to manage your anger.
Something to water, the love in childhood data.
When a man gets angry, what does he do? And when a woman gets angry, what does she do?
Tell me brothers and sisters. When a man gets angry
Husband
when he gets angry, what does he do? And when a woman gets angry? What does she do? Tell me? I know, I can tell you but I want to hear it from you. When a man gets angry, maybe sometimes he may want to hit he curses. He may be swears was the whole lot. Maybe he goes smoke or do something. Well, you know, when men get angry, what do they do? And when women get angry, what do they do?
We're talking about watering the love. they yell,
break things.
women go quiet. Okay.
Okay, silent treatment for the wife.
Now, these are all possibilities, you know?
What, When, when, when, sometimes you would go out, that's good, go out.
play sports, you get angry, go play sports, go hit the bag.
Right.
But when a woman gets angry, she would cry. A lot of them would cry, some of them would would yell as well. And shout Yes, they are well of women who have anger management problems as well, wives who have anger management problems. You know, this sister, she told me one time I was teaching, you know, this anger management course. And she is I would put this laxative in the food.
I would put laxative in his food and give it to him as a man, his sister, you're gonna kill him.
Once he says I take his credit cards and cut them and destroy them.
But women, they tend to cry when they're angry.
They tend to go silent and go to cry. Right? You know, versus men who get to
use force often times.
So we need to learn how to manage our emotions and shallow sit down like Prophet Mohammed awesome said, if you're angry, don't say don't don't, you know, try to
go out and do something else and come back and then you know, try to
sort out that problem in shallow data, but don't in the midst of your anger, it is not the best time to you know, sort out that problem or solve a lot because you just gonna get fueled. And and shaytan is there and but rather than whatnot, right? Yes, go make that, you know, the, when the Prophet Mohammed says he, you know, look at the stages, look at the stages, but there's some people who need to go through therapies, there are special therapies, right? For anger management problem, you know, but the Prophet Mohammed when he says, if you're angry, and then you are standing, you know, sit down, if you're sitting, you know, and you stood angry, then then you know, lay down, if you're
still angry, then make Google and pray to Allah. And then the Prophet says, Allah subhanho, wa Taala would extinguish that fire, which inside of you because that anger comes from the shaper.
Right, comes from Shakedown. So this is something that we'll learn about later on, about managing our emotions, and our feelings.
And last, but not these brothers and sisters hitting the spouse, I want to finish with this and Sharla without
hitting the spouse.
Domestic Violence, right, domestic violence.
Surely, he said this beautiful poem, one of the pious predecessors long time ago, he said this beautiful poem in that poem, he said
in that poem, he said
about a Tunisia near the bone and he said,
for sure, let's Yemeni Sheena addre bossa nova was a Naboo chanson one nice Elko kibou La la la la la, la la la lanta becoming Honda ko Kava. Oh,
what a beautiful, beautiful words.
He said.
He said it to the child on the other day born and Isa whom fashola to me.
Was a novel chanson one nissa Keeble either palette lumped up I mean, who knows? nakaba he said. He said, I saw men hitting their spouses. I saw men hitting their spouses for surely at Yamini hanaa. He was a nobody says I, I wish I wish for my hand that to become paralyzed if it was to hit my Xena and his wife. My saying that. He says I saw men hitting the wives. May my hand
become paralyzed, if she will, if it was the heat magazine, he says was a novel shamsul magazine and he says magazine she's shrimps. She is the son. When you sell car keyboard and other women are stars.
He says my wife, she has the sun and other women are stars. He the father at lub dub calm in Hanako Cabo, and when the sun rises, all the stars will disappear. Oh, wow. What a beautiful, beautiful thing to say. You understand what he said?
He says, My wife, she is like the sun. And other women are the stars. If the sun rises, all the stars will disappear.
I saw women between the lines, I saw men between the lines.
I saw maybe their wives, May my hand become paralyzed. If it was the heat, Xena. My Zeynep she is the sun and other women are the stars. When the sun rises all the stars with
solid disappear.
How should you treat your spouse?
though? Tell me Oh, it's mentioned in the end. But you misunderstood the end. And if it's mission local, and you misunderstood the
Prophet Mohammed, the
prophet Mohammed.
When he says, Don't you people are embarrassed, don't you? He's talking to men embarrassed.
He hit his wife
as he beats his slave.
And at night, he goes to be intimate with her.
He says, aren't you he's talking to men. Some men came you know, women came to complain about the fact that their husbands are beating them he says those are not the best amongst you. This man those are not the best amongst you the best amongst the men are those who are considered wives.
So his prophet Mohammed talking about you know, you said when you say its mission, and then you misunderstood the call and you misunderstood the steps of the end. And what Elijah talks about you know, for the boon before for the level 1501 he says I don't give them more either. What is the APR one? APR one is give them a donation first give them a donation. If you really you know they have done something that is wrong. And this could be both ways if they have done something that is wrong, give them the money should fight evil Honda Hey Luna, give them all
right. If it's something goes to the extreme that maybe get you know,
mentioned is the other step the other stage where fasudil Honda filma budget, don't share the same bed with them. And for the woman, if you were to do that, for her is the worst punishment you can give her not to share her bed with her. You don't even have to either
not to share her bed with her
bring in a family member from from your family and another member from her family to try to mediate between you two. There's so many stages
comes in, you know, the hitting part, the hitting part, what do you mean by the hitting part hitting the face hitting the punch kicking? What is it you know, like, like I best said, even though I better said you know, if you have a handkerchief like you know, just like, you know, like, like
slightly hidden like routine or don't do this, please. The whole lower acuity level Ah, you know, with that with the with the handkerchief or with like
don't do no, something like that, but not heating.
So domestic violence
amongst Muslims and non Muslims,
non Muslims it's even worse, but even about Muslims, in light of some handler controls in on traditions, people with the they bring in their cultures, you know, from back home into into the West and then
the hello and
one woman she was calling me He gave her a blue eye.
She was in a long time ago it was you know konstantopoulos he called me he's just my husband punched me on the face he gave me a blue eye.
She could have easily called 1911 he will be in jail.
hara hara hara in Islam.
Women are filled with some holiday full of energy.
Full filled with energy filled with with emotions are not energy emotions. I meant to say emotions are a lot of emotions.
A surgeon has given you that force and you want to use it on on them. Why don't you go in and use
Use it on somebody else. Use it on yourself. You know, go use it outside
force does not solve no problems. Yeah, actually, the worst scenario is if you're not happy with her, let her go home.
The worst scenario, the worst worst case scenario, if you're not happy,
I should also be
live with them in our with my wife with with goodness or leave with equitable terms with this is the worst case scenario. But using your hands, using your you know, you're not being physical with your spouse. Something that Allah does not approve more Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu
Sallam
and I tell you something that would end with this, I would end with this brothers and sisters, especially the brothers, okay, brothers were listening, if you're listening here.
This
whatever goes around comes around.
What, whatever goes around comes around committed you know to that, if I match it, if you are using force against your spouse, maybe Allah subhanho wa Taala will afflict your daughter,
your sister,
somebody from your loved one who female with someone who will use force against them.
You want somebody you want somebody to beat up your daughter, your husband to beat her up, because you are beating up or you're hitting someone but somebody's daughter, you're hitting somebody whose daughter you've beaten up somebody's daughter, Allah Subhana, Allah, tada will afflict you with someone you know, who would beat up your own bar.
committed enough to that?
I'm not gonna talk about Oh, yes, yes, but there are women who beat up their husbands. Yeah, but that's not the norm. Although there are cases and I agree with you, there are cases that men and women are beaten, you know, their wife, their husbands up, but that's not the norm.
Domestic Violence, we see more men, you know, hitting their wives. And this is a huge case, the big thing happening right now, all over the world.
Look into these statistics and see, you know, in a minute or a second, how many women get bitten, you know, in the whole world, in the US, just in the US.
every second, every minute how many woman goes through domestic violence and abuse.
And hamdulillah we have in Islam, we have the dean, we have power law with Colorado law, we have our religion that puts in an hamdulillah all these guidelines for us, for you and I to live in peace and harmony.
Right?
If you
are really, really not happy at the very end,
and you can get along and you tried for years, it's not okay. You don't want to
keep on going then move on.
Both of you move on.
Move on WWF dot move on.com.
Right. But never use force as I mentioned, committed you know to that whatever goes around comes around.
If it's her home, then you leave your home her home, whatever. Um, I don't want that to happen. I don't want I mean, it's you both of us home.
But I didn't say just let her go to go sure home that you go call us you leave.
But at the end, brothers and sisters, what I mean is this is you know, water in the love. You know, this is some handler, surgeon had put that bomb from above the heavens mythique Khalid, it's a bond between a husband and wife. Don't break it. Don't break the bond. Allah has made this bond, this mythique this relationship from above the heavens. So try to keep that bond together in sha Allah hota Yes, every household. Every household will have to go through issues as even Prophet Muhammad had to go to issues with his wives. I gave you so many examples. He just went out. And his wife she locked him out. He just went out to the washroom. She locked him out.
An angry man when angry men would would go to Allah tala tala you did that to the Prophet Mohammed, you're allowed to curse you. You're allowed to curse you
know, the property just justified. I just went to the washroom.
May Allah subhanho wa Taala bless us all.
May Allah Xhosa
bless you sisters or brothers, and and fill your home with serenity and prosperity in sha Allah tada is that Kamala Harris is zazzy and tomorrow Sharla hota Anna, we will go back into another session be in the lap of homemade happiness talking about the youth and talking about their problems and the youth and their problems and and trying to
help them out and share with them some advice in the law. So I hope to see you tomorrow shallow. Tada. Thank you brothers. Thank you, sister, the brother the Kiko Sadiq Khan, Mariana, all of you that Kamala fer for joining. May Allah bless you. I hope to see you tomorrow. Charlotte O'Hara. Santa Monica.
Santa Monica sister, hanifa. Catherine Zack La Jolla Baraka Luffy, calm. Thank you, Lola. Oh, thank you. Thank you, all of you. Thank you so much for joining. May Allah bless you. We'll see you tomorrow.
All right,
Mike.