Omar Suleiman – Why Me #18 How Do I Find Love In Loneliness
AI: Summary ©
The importance of having a companion, family, community, and absence to achieve happiness is emphasized, along with the need to share daily prayers and meal together to build community and belonging. The signs of Islam's marriage policy include a desire for a spouse to find comfort from loneliness, a bond between the spouse and their partner, and a love for a person they have met a few months ago. Loneliness can be reached through physical loneliness, a desire for a spouse to find comfort from loneliness, or a desire to find a better life. It is also important to find a partner and not wanting to be left alone.
AI: Summary ©
In a world full of people,
how come you're the only one without a
companion?
Is happiness not your lot in life?
You've been created to want a companion,
a family,
a community,
and the absence of them leads to a
deep dissatisfaction with life.
If you're in a stage of your life
now where it's in your Qadr to be
alone,
how can you come to terms with that?
How do you deal with loneliness and the
fears that come with it?
Oh, Abu Dharr, you will live alone, die
alone, and be raised up alone on the
day of judgment.
Some people were not meant to be surrounded
by others, but most of us were. In
fact, one of the roots of the word
insaan in Arabic is once, which is a
word used to describe the comfort that comes
with special human connection.
So human beings seek comfort through connecting with
others, and Allah created us to be within
families,
extended families,
neighborhoods and communities.
That's why the sunnah has created all types
of spaces of community and belonging.
The 5 daily prayers at the masjid, the
tarawih prayers at night in Ramadan,
sharing meals and feeding people together.
And even when traveling, the prophet Sallallahu Alaihi
Wasallam advised to always have a companion. In
some narrations, he even forbids spending the night
alone or traveling by yourself if you have
the choice not to. Anyabitarajuluwahda
awwusafirawahda
Why? The Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam said that
Shaytan is like a wolf that always attacks
the lone sheep. Faalaykum biljamaa'a
wal a'ama. So stay close to the community
and do not isolate yourself.
That's actually partly why it's an act of
worship to have a walima after a wedding
and a aqiqah after a newborn.
The prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam prays circles of
knowledge and remembrance as gardens of paradise that
the angels roam around the streets every night
looking for.
Allah created nearly everything in Paris. Wamin kulli
shayin khalaqana zawjainila'Allakum
tadakkaroon
And of all things we created pairs so
that perhaps you will remember.
Musa Alayhi Salaam asked for Allah to give
him in his brother a prophet ushdudbihi
azri wa ashrikhu fee amri. Strengthen me through
him and let him share with me in
my burden. Some of the scholars said that
no one has ever done a greater favor
for someone else like Musa. Through his du'a,
his brother was made a prophet.
And of course, human beings crave for a
spouse to find comfort from loneliness.
Wamin aayatiha ankhalaqalakummin
anfusikumazwaja
litaskuno
ilayha.
From his signs is that he created for
you spouses from yourselves
so that you can dwell with them in
tranquility.
The prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam encouraged marriage so
strongly that he said, alnikahu min sunati. Marriage
is from my sunnah and whoever turns away
from my sunnah is not from me.
And it's a bond that fosters love and
mercy. Waja'ala bayna kumawaddatinwarahma
Imam al Razi Rahimullah comments on this by
saying that one of the signs of Allah
in marriage is that a person can have
even more love for a person that they
just met a few months ago than the
family they've known their entire lives.
And the best unions are the ones that
bring families together.
The people that loved you before,
and the people that you are to love
now, whereby you give everyone their rights and
grow the circle of mercy and tranquility.
And before you know it, you may have
a new life ahead of you and a
partner to share it with you.
Your destinies are now forever tied with each
other.
In Jannah, no one is single.
And if 2 people make it to Jannah
together,
they have each other there too.
So you might actually be marrying a piece
of your Jannah here.
And just as your life was filled with
beautiful moments in this world,
Allah will make your spouse the most beautiful
part of your Jannah if you do the
righteous deeds that earn his pleasure together.
But what if loneliness is your decree here?
And beyond marriage,
why would that even be the case at
different points of your life?
The scholars mentioned various types of loneliness.
When you're without a companion or a friend
or a family member, it is difficult but
it could be to unlock the gifts of
khalwa, seclusion, and learning to ponder upon the
signs of Allah without the distraction of people.
Then there's the loneliness of estrangement
and that's the hardest type.
When people leave you because of who you
are
or who you are naturally causes you to
drift away from people.
You can have loneliness decreed upon you because
you have such bad character and no one
wants to be around you.
And the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said that
the worst person is the one that people
abandon
because they don't want to deal with their
foul mouths. So Allah could be prescribing you
loneliness in that form so that you can
finally work on your temper or bad character,
so that you don't alienate the people you
love anymore.
And the same thing is true for sin
and lowliness.
Some people around you might want to break
bad habits that cause them failure in this
life or the next.
And you get left behind stuck in them
with Allah giving you a warning to get
your priorities right, then the right type of
people will be put back into your life.
But SubhanAllah,
sometimes it's not your sins that push you
away from people. Sometimes it's actually your good
deeds and the new higher standards that set
you apart.
And that's the praiseworthy estrangement known as gurbah.
Because when we grow in our faith and
abandon old lifestyles,
we can lose old friends and some family
members can even become distant.
So as Ibn Al Qayim Rahimahullah explains, it's
not that loneliness is in and of itself
a spiritual station,
but when a person rises in rank, their
loneliness can be a decreed consequence from Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. As he says, ala'arifu
anisabillah
aohheshahumin
ghayri. The knower of Allah finds closeness to
him, which causes him distance from other than
him.
So both the good deed and the bad
deed can lead to a decree of being
alienated from other people.
But whether it's through what Allah has decreed
through physical loneliness,
estrangement, waiting to find your spouse, or not
having your friends and family with you anymore,
finding Allah as a result is the greatest
Badr you can have, whether people are around
or not. Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta A'la says
in a hadith Qudsi, ana'indha waniabdi
bi wa ana ma'ahu idathakarani
I am what my servant thinks of me
and I am with him when he remembers
me. Faindhakaranifinafsihee
the kartuhu fee nafsiwaindhakaranifi
mala indhakartuhu
fee mala inkhayraminhu
If he remembers me in himself, I will
remember him in myself.
And if he remembers me in a gathering,
I make mention of him in a greater
gathering than his.
When Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala decrees a loss
of rizq in possessions and you are patient,
he gives you with a greater possession in
paradise.
But when Allah decrees for you loneliness and
a loss of people, and you are patient,
he gives you something far better than that.
He gives you himself.
Mata Oh hashakam in khalkihi
faalam annahuyuridu
anyafta halaka baabal unsibihi.
When he alienates you from his creatures,
then know that he wants to open for
you the door of intimacy
with him.
Accepting that someone you wanted to be with
before has been chosen for someone else can
be the path to tasting the sweetness of
iman.
Regret over something bad you did to someone
else
could be the key to treating everyone else
Allah puts in your path with Ihsa.
But we sometimes neglect the people that have
always been there for us in our lives
while seeking new people.
Contentment is to look at your current sustenance
as a lot while not despairing over what
you don't have.
When it comes to relationships,
it's also to look at who you currently
have,
but might not have been paying attention to,
all while enjoying the new companions Allah may
have gifted you with.
But in that excitement of finding someone else,
You may end up having to say goodbye
to those who never forgot you,
and who eagerly used to wait for you
to remember them,
even with a simple call.