Nouman Ali Khan – You Are The Pillar of The Relationship – Khutbah Highlight

			Actually Nirvana, who were a model who the pillar of the building is also it's given the thing that
holds something together and the finger maintains that you can rely on all the time, furniture can
move inside of a house walls can move pillars can't move. Pillars have to be a constant, we have to
be the constant in our families for our
		

			this relationship is not something that will carry itself, you'll have to actively maintain this
relationship. There's something that the love between spouses is not something that just carries on,
it has to be maintained and nurtured and flourished. It needs to be something that needs to come one
needs to come back to, you cannot assume that it's there, it can dry up and it can fizzle fizzle
away. The assumption that something has been forgiven, or the hurt, the feelings of hurt are gone.
That assumption it does that the hurt doesn't go away on its own, you have to work on getting rid of
it. You have to fix it. So there's an act active role necessitated, you know, sometimes people are
		

			living under the same roof. They're not talking to each other for years, or not, not any real
conversation anyway, How was dinner? How's work? How's traffic? Okay, I'm just gonna watch TV now.
		

			And years go by and people actually haven't had any conversation. They haven't built any
relationship at all, the only thing they share is a roof. That's all they share. That's not what men
are supposed to do. And it's particularly difficult for men to be active in fostering a relationship
because we're not much of a talker anyway. We like to just be passive. We'd like to just come home
after a day of work, sit on a couch, or on TV, or just get on another device and just
		

			I don't want to talk and she'll come and say, Hey, so how's your day? What's going on? Tell me how
you're feeling. So, can we do this later? And I feel like this right now. We're not the ones that
initiate we have to be the ones that initiate that's the first implication LTM Allah Azzam pm also
means commitment that this is why even Quran
		

			William McDonough Abdullah hiya drew who and McCann Quran, it was so difficult to come and stand and
pray at the ground because you could get beat up. And so someone when someone made the commitment to
pray, despite all of the challenges ahead of them, the word Qian was used for it. Similarly, the
people of the cave were terrified to testify in front of the entire village because they're gonna
get slaughtered if they testify that there's one God when everybody else worship was worships
multiple gods, but if common for Kalu Yanni is azimuth, Ocado, as Massoud would say, to make a
commitment to commit to something, men have to commit to this relationship. And here, this is the
		

			real reason I brought up this code. But I'll give I'll go through these meanings rather quickly. And
then get to the, the fundamental piece that I wanted to get to the I'm also mean about constancy.
You have to and from it actually comes over T one, and T bomb Islamorada.
		

			Actually in the llama who were a model who the pillar of the building, is also it's given the thing
that holds something together and the finger maintains that you can rely on all the time, furniture
can move inside of a house walls can move pillars can't move. Pillars have to be a constant, we have
to be the constant in our families for our women. They have to be we can't be fluctuating.
Yesterday, you said this today you're saying that yesterday you said this is okay today, it's not
okay. You can't be fluctuating, you have to be constant. That's one of the other implications of the
word pivoine. And finally, one of my favorites actually, from it comes the word Kima. Not the ones
		

			that they see it. But Kiva is actually value someone who say that a man being a wife is actually
responsible for letting his spouse know how valuable she is. He gives her value. He appreciates her,
he acknowledges her, he lets her know that she's beautiful. And a lot of men actually do the
opposite. Let her know how fat she is, how ugly she is, how short she is, how dark she is, how
speckled she is or whatever. And they will do that constantly putting her down demeaning her value.
You know, putting putting our own tilting her intelligence cut you You're such a horrible driver.
You're so annoying, why can't you just take the normal right turn like everybody else? You know, why
		

			are you in this lane? Why are you in that lane, constantly putting her down in some way or the
other. And of course, mom is someone who gives value instead of taking value away. Like if if the
spouse of the woman feels, you know, stupid when she's around her husband when she feels ugly when
she's around her husband, when she feels valueless when she's around her husband, and he's not being
a kilometer. This is what we have to be a warm. Now I wanted to highlight all of this in one
particular context. And that is before we become better husbands and better. And by the way, the IRA
is not just about husbands. It's Ireland, this art. It's actually this is the kind of thing we're
		

			supposed to do for our mothers and sisters or daughters. It's actually broadened and then it's made
more specific about the spousal relationship. But the reason I was probed to bring this topic up as
a hotbar is because recently I've been engaged in quite a bit of travel. And what I do when I travel
and I speak in different communities across this route more recently it was across the United States
and somewhat in Europe. Out
		

			through a program is done, I spent a few hours just talking to people just people just come up to
me. And they asked me all kinds of questions or share concerns. And overwhelmingly, overwhelmingly,
the women that came and spoke with me, spoke with me about how their husbands are, they're good
husbands, but they allow their her in laws to be abusive. In other words, they live joint family
system, or whatever it may be, or, you know, they're, you know, the husband has his wife, but he
also has his parents, and the parents are abusive to the wife, and she has to put up with it. And he
says, I can't do anything there, my parents, what do you want me to do? You know, I, you, they're
		

			gonna say things to you, but you should just be patient. Because I will always side with my mother,
I will always side with my father, etc. What happens here is there are two lines that have been
crossed. On the one hand, as a husband, your responsibility is to your wife, you took her from her
family, you took her from the protection of her parents, she had a really she had a father. And his
job was to make sure she stays happy, safe, she's not insulted or humiliated. She's protected from
all forms of abuse, physical, emotional, spiritual, all kinds of abuse, that was the father's role.
And when you sign that Nikka, and when you said you agree, then all of those roles were shifted over
		

			to you.
		

			Yours, you're supposed to be as protective of her, even more so actually, then her father was
because your relationship with her actually even goes further. She's even the mother of your
children.
		

			There's more here. And so you are supposed to be a shield around her. At the same time, you are also
a son, or son to your mother or son to your father. And this religion teaches us that we cannot even
say off to our parents, you can't raise your voice to your parents at all. Now you are being pulled
in two different directions. You have these enormous obligations to your spouse, Mitaka and vallila.
The Quran calls it a heavy contract. A heavy agreement is not a light thing, marriage. And on the
other hand, you have this enormous responsibility to your parents. And sometimes they make you pick
which one you're going to be good to.
		

			And your job is actually to draw a line and say, This is what I will do for my wife. This is what
how I will take care of her. And this is how I will protect her. And to let your parents know, you
can say whatever you want to me.
		

			You beat me up and curse me out. I'm your kid, you can do whatever you want. It's fine. I'll take
it. But you can't touch her. You can't say a word to her. She's not yours. She's not your
responsibility. And she's not your child, especially the culture I come from, you know what they say
when the girl is getting married? They say oh, she's like our daughter. Oh, it's like we have a new
daughter in the family. Beware, when you hear those words, be girls be thoroughly warned. Because
when they she's like, she's like our daughter. Trouble is looming. Just a couple of weeks later,
there's going to be commentary about how you didn't cook or you cooked, you know, with too much salt
		

			or, you know, you're lazy or you didn't clean stuff is going to begin. No, no, no, no, no. The
relationship between this woman and her husband's family first and foremost, is a relationship of
mutual respect.
		

			She has to be treated with respect. And she has to treat with respect. When it comes to rights and
obligations. She is under no obligation to obey your parents. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I feel sorry
for you that you believe that for so long. But your your wife has no obligation to obey your
parents. And if you are forcing her to obey your parents and serve your parents, you are engaged in
an act of injustice. You are being abusive. You're not a POA. You're not Tacoma. Allah made you. You
were supposed to be taking care of her. You didn't bring a servant into the family. And you're not
supposed to be giving her lectures about you have to be patient, their elder they can say whatever
		

			they want. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. When even our family does something wrong. Allah commands
us to stand up for justice. Even if it's one or the other, and fusi come away. Why didn't Why
didn't? Well, the Caribbean, you have to stand up for justice, even if it means you have to stand up
against yourself. Meaning if you've done something wrong, you have to own up to it. And if your
parents have done something wrong, you actually lovingly respectfully, head down humble voice, you
still have to let them know you can do that mom. I'm sorry. You can't do that. Dad, that's not
right. I'm not going to allow it. You're my dad. But those rights I will not allow you to trample
		

			because Allah will not be asking you Allah will be asking me whether I was going home over my wife
or not. If you cannot be that shield, and you are in violation with what Allah expects from you as a
husband. Hey guys, you just want
		

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