Nouman Ali Khan – Are You The Husband Allah Describes

			Rubbish actually sorry. We're silly Emily rock determine lasagna, Coco de la Houma, sabitha en de no
DB La ilaha illallah wa la Miranda, Mina Latina, a mano y mano, sorry, hat, whatever. So we'll have
what are so many of an item in.
		

			In our religion, there are two fundamental responsibilities that every human being owes. There's a
responsibility we owe to Allah. And there's a responsibility or a set of responsibilities we owe to
other people, that starts with your own family, different members of your family, and then beyond
that to your neighbor. And beyond that to humanity at large. It's actually much easier to talk about
what we owe Allah. Because what we owe ally is very clear, simple. And Allah azzawajal is always
just unfair. So at least one side, there is no possibility of unfairness. And that's Allah. And so
when the expectations are given from him, then there is absolutely no argument or ambiguity or lack
		

			of clarity. However, when you talk about a relationship between people, for instance, the
relationship between an employer and an employee, or the relationship between a parent and a child
or a husband and a wife, or siblings or whatever else, when you talk about any of these
relationships, there's a possibility that one or either side does something wrong. So here you are
doing your part, you're fulfilling your responsibility, but the other side is not doing their part.
They're not fulfilling their responsibility. And when that happens, it's a very common tendency for
you to say, well, they don't do their part. Why should I do? My heart? So the relationships we have
		

			with Allah, essentially, the relationship we have with the last century is very fundamental, very
simple, very straightforward, actually, the only possibility of wrongdoing is on my end. And that's
why we begin our relationship with him with the first law in human history. Now, while I'm not in
full Santa Elena, but Alhamdulillah an akuna Minal ha, serene Master, we wronged ourselves. If you
don't forgive us, and if you don't show us mercy, we're of the last. There's no possibility that
Allah will do wrong, well, Nevada Muna. Well, I can kill you. And for Samia the moon, they didn't
wrongest they were only wronging themselves. And Allah azzawajal never, you know, he doesn't do
		

			volume, two people will not be lamella bead. On the other hand, though, like I was saying, in this
introduction, people are complicated. And all the other relationships we have are complicated. The
thing is, though, that these are very important. And these are things that we're going to be asked
about before, when we stand in front of Allah, our relationship with Allah, when you fix that
relationship, it creates a sense of responsibility to all your other relationships. In other words,
what I'm trying to say is, if you are very good to Allah, but very bad to your parents, that
actually means you're still very bad to Allah. Allah azza wa jal has given you responsibilities to
		

			your parents, to your spouse, to your children, to your brother, to your sister to humanity. And if
you don't fulfill those, then you have disregarded what Allah gave responsibility Allah gave you,
right, so we have to actually fulfill those rights and those obligations to the best of our ability
as well. But it's so hard to talk about, it's hard to talk about, because if I were to give this
lecture about I just heard about the rights of parents, for example, there will be children in the
audience. And there are young, you know, sons and daughters around the world that have been abused
by their parents, that's a fact. There are parents that were not good parents, that is a reality.
		

			And when they hear that lecture about how good you have to your parents, they say to themselves,
wait, but they didn't do anything for me. What did they do? They actually even abused me there are
parents that are physically abusive, emotionally abusive, there are people that parents that are
spiritually abusive, there are all kinds of abuse that happens. And why did they get a blank check?
And so when someone listens to one side, then they get upset? How come you didn't present the other
side? Similarly, if I was to give the lecture today, the whole but today about the rights of the
husband, that a lot of wives would be upset?
		

			What about our side? Why should I give him all these rights? What has he done? And if I were to do
this for the men and say, Well, these are the responsibilities that we have towards the women, then
the men will be upset? Well, yeah, okay, fine. I have all the responsibilities, but she messes up
all the time. And you don't say anything about that? What are we supposed to do? So you know, what
happens in discussing any of these rights and responsibilities? There's always a chip on our
shoulder, there's always this defense mechanism. Wait, are you going to balance this equation or
what? So the first thing I wanted to address is that elephant in the room, today's football is
		

			actually about the responsibilities of men. And that will in fact, make some men very upset. Because
they're going to say, You didn't say anything about women. And check out my next book by here will
be about women. So I'll make them upset as much, probably promise, you know, but the thing is,
though, that there's a very natural, and I would even say, a tendency, inspired by a police himself,
is that he makes us forget our responsibilities. And he makes us think all the time about our
rights.
		

			So when you are being reminded of your responsibilities, you say to yourself, Well, I don't get my
rights. Why should I think about my responsibilities?
		

			You're always concerned about your rights. And as a result, you are less concerned about your
responsibilities. These two things are independent of each other. I know that's hard. I would be the
first to admit that's a very difficult thing to do. To actually think only of your responsibilities
and not think of your rights. You do have rights, but they are not rights that you only give when
you're you know, or responsibilities you only fulfill when your rights are being met. It's not like
that these are two independent things, especially when it comes to justice, especially when it comes
to how we're going to stand in front of a large religion. So now what I wanted to start with is the
		

			definition of a particular word that defines the relationship between husbands and wives out of the
jar Luca Muna Allah Nyssa. The phrase are used in solitude Nyssa is that men are too warm over
women. Men are cold, warm over women is very unusual word, the word cold warm, and that seems to be
the foundation of how this unit is supposed to operate. And what men or women and how women are to
react to men is captured in this in this one phrase, everything else it's a long Ayah everything
else that follows in this ayah is actually in the shade of this one statement. So if this football
is dedicated to that one statement really out to be Gianluca, Muna and aneesa and that really that
		

			fundamental word kawaman. What does that mean for you and me, the word Kawan comes from the Arabic
word Qian to stand and it has several implications one of the very fluid words of the Arabic
language is a very powerful choice of Allah for this this word to be used. There are many other
words you can use. But this word in particular, one of the things that makes it unique is that it
shares its origin with one of the names of Allah to Allah His name in italic, we'll see Allahu La
Ilaha Illa what how you can use the word Alka Yun is actually from the same origin as the word
Kawan. Now I highlight that for a reason, I highlight that because when a last name is being used by
		

			you, and we have to understand that name fully in all of its meanings, to appreciate the beauty of
that name. And also that that word itself becomes now sacred. And to take some of its meanings away
or to add meanings in there that are not there is rather blasphemous, because it's sacred, it's one
from one of the names of Allah Himself derived from it is one of the names used for what we are
supposed to emulate. Now, the first of them Nikita Julius tr means standing like not sitting, but
from it is implied activity, like someone who's constantly engaged in something, someone who's never
passive, someone who you know how there's, there's autopilot, or there's cruise control in your car,
		

			right? Or there's a machine that can once you turn it on, it just runs on its own, it doesn't need
to be constantly operated. That's not what we're talking about, we're talking about the exact
opposite, something that doesn't function until you actively involve yourself, you cannot just press
the on button and let it go. And this says this is actually very, it's kind of funny, but the way
they explain this, in etymology, is by means of an ancient poem. There's a slave used to have
slavery back in the day. So the slave is about to be sold. And as as he's about to be sold, he says,
Please don't buy me. And he says, this statement by Andy, for his idea to, I've got to Coleman, what
		

			is that?
		

			You know, then he says, I'd love to know what it has done by me. Because if I'm hungry, I get really
annoyed, I don't, I'm not active at all. I don't feel like doing anything. So you're not gonna get
any work out of me. Especially when I'm hungry. And if I've eaten Well, I just love sleeping. So.
		

			But when he says, I'm hungry, I'm not active at all use the word Coleman. And I'm suggesting here,
what I'm trying to tell you here is the meanings of that word includes someone who's constantly
active now that that's the first hint to myself and you about relationships. This relationship is
not something that will carry itself, you'll have to actively maintain this relationship. There's
something that the love between spouses is not something that just carries on, it has to be
maintained and nurtured and flourished. It needs to be something that needs to come one needs to
come back to, you cannot assume that it's there, it can dry up and it can fizzle fizzle away. The
		

			assumption that something has been forgiven, or the hurt, the feelings of hurt are gone. that
assumption does not the hurt doesn't go away on its own, you have to work on getting rid of it. You
have to fix it. So there is an active role necessitated, you know, sometimes people are living under
the same roof. They're not talking to each other for years, or not, not any real conversation.
Anyway, how was dinner? How's work? How's traffic? Okay, I'm just gonna watch TV now.
		

			And years go by and people actually haven't had any conversation. You haven't built any relationship
at all. The only thing they share is a roof. That's all they share. That's not what men are supposed
to do. And it's particularly difficult for men to be active in fostering a relationship because
we're not much of a talker anyway. We like to just be passive. We like to just come home after a day
work, sit on the couch, or on TV, or just get on her device and just
		

			I don't want to talk. And she'll come and say, Hey, so how's your day? What's going on? Tell me how
you're feeling. Can we do this later. I don't feel like this.
		

			Now, we're not the ones that initiate, we have to be the ones that initiate. That's the first
implication LTM 11pm also means commitment. That this is why I even call on
		

			Willa mahkamah. Abdullah here, drew in McCann, karate was so difficult to come and stand and pray at
the crowd because you could get beat up. And so someone when someone made the commitment to pray,
despite all of the challenges ahead of them, the word pm was used for it. Similarly, the people of
the cave were terrified to testify in front of the entire village, because they're gonna get
slaughtered. If they testify that there's one God when everybody else worship was worshipped
multiple gods. But if God move for you, it is as a move of God, as Mufasa would say, to make a
commitment to commit to something, men have to commit to this relationship. And here, this is the
		

			real reason I brought up this hold back, I'll give I'll go through these meanings rather quickly.
And then get to the, the fundamental piece that I wanted to get to the I'm also mean about
constancy. You have to end in from it actually comes the word given. And given is Nevada.
		

			Actually, Nevada, who were a model who the pillar of a building is also it's given the thing that
holds something together, and the one thing that maintains that you can rely on all the time,
furniture can move inside of a house walls can move, pillars can't move. pillars have to be a
constant, we have to be the constant in our families, for our women. They have to be we can't be
fluctuating. Yesterday, you said this today, you're saying that Yesterday, you said this is okay.
Today, it's not okay. You can't be fluctuating, you have to be constant. And that's one of the other
implications of the word p one. And finally, one of my favorites, actually, from it comes the word
		

			keema. Not the ones that they see eat. But keema is actually value, someone who shake that a man
being a warm is actually responsible for letting his spouse know how valuable she is, he gives her
value. He appreciates her, he acknowledges her, he lets her know that she's beautiful. And a lot of
men actually do the opposite. Let her know how fat she is, how ugly she is, how short she is, how
dark she is, how stressful she is, or whatever. And they'll do that constantly putting her down
demeaning her value, you know, putting putting are insulting her intelligence call you You're such a
horrible driver. You're so annoying, why can't you just take the normal right turn like everybody
		

			else? You know, why are you in this lane? Why aren't you in that lane, constantly putting her down
in some way or the other. And a column is someone who gives value instead of taking value away. Like
if, if the spouse of the woman feels, you know, stupid when she's around her husband, when she feels
ugly, when she's around her husband, when she feels valueless when she's around her husband, then
he's not being a kilometer. This is what we have to be a warm. Now I wanted to highlight all of this
in one particular context. And that is before we become better husbands and better. And by the way,
the IRA is not just about husbands. It's Island, nessa it's actually this is the kind of thing we're
		

			supposed to do for our mothers and sisters or daughters. It's actually broadened. And then it's made
more specific about the spousal relationship. But the reason I was probed to bring this topic up as
a whole, is because recently I've been engaged in quite a bit of travel. And what I do when I travel
and I speak in different communities across this route, more recently was across the United States
and somewhere in Europe, after a program is done, I spend a few hours just talking to people just
people just come up to me and they asked me all kinds of questions or share concerns. And
overwhelmingly, overwhelmingly, the women that came and spoke with me, spoke with me about how their
		

			husbands are their good husbands. But they allow their her in laws to be abusive. In other words,
they live joint family system or whatever it may be, or, you know, they're you know, the husband has
his wife, but he also has his parents. And the parents are abusive to the wife, and she has to put
up with it. And he says, I can't do anything better my parents, what do you want me to do? You know,
I you, they're gonna say things to you, but you should just be patient. Because there I'll always
side with my mother, I'll always side with my father, etc. What happens here is there are two lines
that have been crossed. On the one hand as a husband, your responsibilities to your wife, you took
		

			her from her family, you took her from the protection of her parents. She had a really she had a
father. And his job was to make sure she stays happy, safe, she's not insulted or humiliated. She's
protected from all forms of abuse, physical, emotional, spiritual, all kinds of abuse. That was the
father's role. And when you sign that nigga, and when you said you agree, then all of those roles
were shifted over to you.
		

			Yours you're supposed to be as protective of her even more so actually, then her father was because
your relationship with her actually even goes further. She's even the mother of your children.
		

			There's there's more here and so you are suffering
		

			To be a shield around her. At the same time, you are also a son, or son to your mother or son to
your father. And this religion teaches us that we cannot even say off to our parents, you can't
raise your voice to your parents at all. Now you are being pulled in two different directions, you
have these enormous obligations to your spouse meetha. Condoleezza, the Quran calls it a heavy
contract, a heavy agreement, it's not a light thing, marriage. And on the other hand, you have this
enormous responsibility to your parents. And sometimes they make you pick which one you're going to
be good to.
		

			And your job is actually to draw a line and say, This is what I will do for my wife. This is what
how I will take care of her. And this is how I will protect her. And to let your parents know you
can say whatever you want to me.
		

			You can beat me up, you curse me out. I'm your kid, you do whatever you want. That's fine. I'll take
it. But you can't touch her. You can't say a word to her. She's not yours. She's not your
responsibility. And she's not your child, especially the culture I come from, you know what they say
when the girl is getting married? They say Oh, she's like our daughter. Oh, it's like we have a new
daughter in the family. Be aware when you hear those words. These girls be thoroughly warned.
Because when they she's like, she's like our daughter. Trouble is looming. Just a couple of weeks
later, there's going to be commentary about how you didn't cook or you cooked, you know, with too
		

			much salt or, you know, you're lazy or you didn't clean or stuff is gonna begin. No, no, no, no, no,
the relationship between this woman and her husband's family, first and foremost, is a relationship
of mutual respect.
		

			She has to be treated with respect. And she has to treat with respect. When it comes to rights and
obligations, she is under no obligation to obey your parents. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I feel sorry
for you that you believe that for so long. But your your wife has no obligation to obey your
parents. And if you are forcing her to obey your parents and serve your parents, you are engaged in
an act of injustice. You're being abusive. You're not a problem. You're not a woman.
		

			You were supposed to be taking care of her. You didn't bring a servant into the family. And you're
not supposed to be giving her lectures about you have to be patient, their elder, they can say
whatever they want. No, no, no, no, no, no. When even our family does something wrong. Allah
commands us to stand up for justice. Even if it's you will follow Allah and fusi come away while
eating while eating. Well, economy, you have to stand up for justice, even if it means you have to
stand up against yourself. Meaning if you've done something wrong, you have to own up to it. And if
your parents have done something wrong, you actually lovingly respectfully, head down humble voice,
		

			you still have to let them know you can't do that, Mom. I'm sorry. You can't do that. Dad, That's
not right. I'm not going to allow it. You're my dad. But those rights I will not allow you to
trample because Allah will not be asking you a level be asking me whether I was going over my wife
or not. If you cannot be that shield, then you are in violation What? What Allah expects from you as
a husband.
		

			That's that's very important to understand. We have situations in which by the way, as people are
listening to this, like I said, in the beginning, I give that disclaimer, there are going to be in
laws that are really, but you know, there are wives that are abusive to the laws. You didn't give
them. You just give a hoot about how messed up we are. But what about them, they also throw shoes
and do crazy things. Call them I will. But I can only do one thing at a time in a hobo
		

			one at a time it's coming. But right now we have to deal with one problem. And by the way, one evil
doesn't justify the other evil and one evil well they do it to is not a deflection or not a
justification that you get to get away with the other wrong that's happening and you and I have to
take stock in your own families. What's happening? Is this kind of wrong happening? Because if it
is, then Allah will ask roussos Isilon says Heroku Heroku only the best of you are the ones that are
best to their families. That this last bit that I wanted to share with you please take note of it
there are there are three kinds of abuse that I want to highlight three kinds of abuse. The first of
		

			them is the worst of them. What do you think it's the most worst? The worst of them is physical
abuse? That is absolutely out of the question. And also the LA sallallahu wasallam outright. lotto
boo boo Emma Allah Do not hit the female slaves of Allah
		

			outright, do not hit the female slaves of Allah. Allah Allah messenger could have said that they
wouldn't just don't hit women. Right don't hit women because the female slaves of a lot are women.
But the power of those words is that you know when you sit when you call them female slaves, a women
have a single sense of a
		

			Law, then you their relationship fundamentally who owns them? A law does. And when you mess with
someone else's property, like if you destroy my car, you haven't offended my car who have you
offended? you offended me. If you came after my child, you haven't just insulted my child or abused
my child, you've abused Who, me, I will come after you, you understand? If they are a lost property,
and you hit them, who is coming after you?
		

			A lie that totally blew him out Allah watch it, they belong to Allah. That's what the messenger says
some of those and so physical abuse is absolutely out of the question. It is out of the question.
And anybody who would like to argue otherwise, I'll stick around after Juma, I can talk to you about
it.
		

			The second kind of abuse is emotional. And emotional abuse could be verbal. It could be when the
husband is not around the in laws come along and say By the way, you're just here for a little bit.
We can get rid of you whenever we want. That's my son.
		

			And when their husbands home, then how are you? You're so sweet. You're so good. And this girl is
going crazy. Like when he's not around, they turned into the devil, and when he's around the turn
into an angel, so when I try to tell my husband that they are crazy, he says, What are you talking
about? They're so nice, you're crazy.
		

			And this is a kind of emotional abuse, a husband and wife have to have a trusting relationship. They
have to. And if you don't have trust, you have nothing. There's nothing there. This entirely This is
not a blood relationship. Marriage is a contract, which means you agreed to share a life together.
And that requires the utmost amount of trust. If you can't even trust what she's saying to you. If
you think that she's lying to you all the time, then what makes this marriage a marriage is not
there. It's not there. For you to say, I can't believe that. I can't believe that, Oh, well, you. If
you can't believe it, then I don't know if you're in the right marriage. There's something
		

			fundamentally wrong, something far deeper than just abuse. There's not even a trust left inside the
marriage. emotional abuse is sometimes verbal.
		

			And sometimes it's not even verbal. Sometimes it's the way you're looked at. Sometimes it's the way
people sit around you. She comes into the room, they get up and walk away. They don't even turn
their face this way. They change the tone of their voice. Sometimes even the way in which you say
well, I likoma Sarah, she says Salaam Alaikum mother in law says he.
		

			Or she doesn't say anything at all. That's a pretty abusive statement to not say anything at all.
And then she can turn around and say, Monica, what did I say I didn't say anything.
		

			That's emotional abuse. And it's unacceptable. The last of the abuse is though, is the scariest one
to me. And that's spiritual abuse, when the wrong is done, and then the religion is quoted.
		

			Allah says you have to be good to parents.
		

			This is what Islam teaches you and they'll they'll do the wrong. And then they'll invoke Allah and
his book, and His Messenger sallallahu Sallam who are completely innocent of this nonsense. And then
that's that that's the religious or spiritual kind of blackmail and abuse that goes on in families.
This needs to come to an end in your family, I'm only talking to the men right now, I'm not upset
with parents, I'm not upset with, you know, with anybody else. I'm not even upset with you, but I'm
just giving you and myself a reality check. Look, our our parents are not evil. They're not they
were brought up in a certain culture, they were brought up in a certain environment, they have
		

			certain norms that they've come to become used to. And some of those things are not right, but they
don't realize that
		

			they just do what they think in their mind is right. They're not nobody's purposely evil. They're
not even though some women believe that about their in laws. Nobody's intentionally evil, everybody
just thinks from a very different point of view, you, however, are in the middle, you're in the
middle of two worlds that are pulling at you, and you're gonna have to just, you're gonna have to be
the voice of reason and justice. And you know what that means, sometimes you're gonna have to take
the side of your parents, and sometimes you're gonna have to take this out to your wife, because
then nobody's always right.
		

			And sometimes you will make a mistake too, and then you'll have to admit that you made a mistake,
that's gonna have to happen to, which means the role that you are in this middle role that you're in
is a very difficult one. And it's a role in which you will constantly be the object of criticism.
Somebody will criticize you all the time.
		

			Because whatever decision you make, upset someone, somebody will congratulations on being a man.
That's what it comes with. That's the role you have to play out of the jar. Luca, Mona Lisa,
congratulations. That's the rule of law has given us if you don't understand that, you feel like
this AI is about this absolute authority Allah has given us and, you know, we get to do whatever we
want with the women.
		

			Under our authority, the word PR has nothing to do with authority. First of all, it has to do, like
I said, with being active. And making sure that you, you constantly check yourself and make sure
that the relationship remains healthy is commitment is constancy. It's from it comes the word is the
karma, which means fairness, even Aladdin, one of the meanings of Mr. Karma is a model that a man
should maintain fairness over it. One of my favorite meanings of it that I didn't even share with
you is boom, from pm comes the word comb, which means our past,
		

			men are supposed to be not only there for their women, in terms of caretaking and protection,
they're supposed to give their women a sense of purpose and direction.
		

			They're actually supposed to, in a sense, even be mentors to their wives, mentors to them advisors
to them, this is what you should do, hey, let me help you fulfill this goal or that goal? How many
times there are there, especially in abusive family situations, there are women that used to have
goals, I want to I want to start an orphanage, I want to do this, I want to write a book, I want to
do that. And they don't get to do any of it. who's supposed to encourage them and open up that door
for them? And say, yeah, you should do it. I know you make a mean, pinata. But you can also write a
book, you should, you should work on that, who was supposed to encourage them to do that. That was
		

			supposed to be the husband. He was supposed to open that door. So I pray that Allah azza wa jal
gives us and our children the ability to be raised mentally escalon. And the abuse that is happening
inside of our families that were the were the reason that it comes to an end, I'm not giving this
code, but that you go home and you start fights. That's not why I gave this code. But I didn't,
ladies, I did not give this code buster, you go say, Hey, watch this video. Don't do that. That is
not why I give this code but it's for men to do an introspection of themselves. That is part of the
selfishness that we have now, you know, adopted, everybody hears a football or a lecture or a talk,
		

			and they think well, this will be really good for my rights.
		

			Everybody should be thinking this will be good for my responsibilities. Don't become selfish in this
religion. This religion is about you serving Allah, first and foremost. So we just take stock of
ourselves. And when you do go back and try to implement some of these things, even implement them
with mercy, even if your parents are doing wrong, and you're correcting them, you're not a police
officer and you're not a judge, you're a son still, even if you're going to correct them, you're
going to correct them with love and mercy and care. You're going to be tactful and careful about it.
You know? And so May Allah azza wa jal give us that delicacy, so that we can really truly fulfill
		

			the words of the Prophet salallahu alaihe Salam hydrocone hydrocone and he wanna Holloman complete
it the best of you are the best of their families. And he didn't say the best of you are the best of
good families. Even if you have a messed up family, you still have to do your best. Right? And I'm
the best of you to my family allows me to make us better and better families and make us do right by
our families. barakallahu li walakum filco Hakeem when a family we are coming out with Kim salamati
		

			hamdu lillahi wa salatu wa salam O Allah regarding Latina Safa Susana Abdullah Mohammed bin Mohammed
in a meanwhile Allah Allah He was a huge pain and a lot more as always and 50 w Karim brother and a
Buddha Allah will let him initiate one regime in Allah Allah. Allah Allah Allah Nabi Yeah, you Hello
Xena amanu sallu alayhi wa sallam Taslima Allahumma salli ala Muhammad Ali Mohammed
		

			Ibrahim Ali Ibrahim al al amin in the Gambia Majeed Allahumma barik Allah Muhammad Ali Mohammed
		

			Ibrahim Ali Ibrahim al al amin in Dhaka Hamid Majid Riba de la la la como la de la ilaha illa de la
San Benito Koba Sasha evil mooncup well adekola Akbar Allahu Allah Mata snarling Sala in the Salah.
takealot Mini Nikita makuta