Nouman Ali Khan – How Can I Stop Someone From Sinning Q&A

			We are
		

			too preachy with our family,
		

			we start becoming a sativa. Speaker to our families, and they get annoyed, and you make the problem
worse, instead of making things better, you end up making them worse. Sometimes the best way to deal
with our family is the most indirect path.
		

			I'm going to start with a couple of common ones, where do I? Where do I start helping? So someone
who was in the wrong path setting, not praying, not listening to anyone?
		

			So I mean, this is a very common question. Some of you have these questions about your family
members, some of you have them about your friends and other situations. A couple of important
pointers here, number one, the prophets lie Selim was not given any authority to change his own
uncle. And the Quran is full of prophets who were not able to make bring change to their loved ones,
right? So know how they said, um, couldn't change his wife. And, you know, Ibrahim Ali Salam
couldn't change his father and yopu valleys and uncle to change his sons, and so on and so forth.
Right? So the reason that's given to us is because you're not, you're not given the authority or the
		

			ability to change someone else. What you are given the ability to do is to remind someone else, then
the question becomes, what's the most effective way you can remind someone, and my opinion on that
is that
		

			we are
		

			too preachy with our family.
		

			We started becoming a sativa. Speaker to our families, and they get annoyed, and you make the
problem worse, instead of making things better, you end up making them worse. Sometimes the best way
to deal with our family is the most indirect path. Because otherwise, I remember when I wasn't into
Islam, if my family member, some family members of mine tried to tell me about prayer, or this or
that, I would just get annoyed. Like, why are you telling me right? Sometimes they want to listen,
and you know, there's, it's in the Quran Welaka dotnet Lokmanya hikma and one of the Lohana would
advise his son, but Allah says, Well, who is evil who is really interesting, it means he found the
		

			right time to advise him. Like he didn't just always advise him, he saw a particular moment where he
thought the strategically really good time to bring this up right now. But what we do is like,
constantly, every day, every time you just become like, Oh, my God, here comes the shut er, police,
you know, and then people just in the family start associating you with the annoying Islamic one
that is going to ruin everybody else's party. Right? So my advice on that would be be as indirect
and as subtle and as gentle as possible. The other thing I would say is sometimes people are doing
sinful things like drugs, alcohol, gambling, whatever they're doing. But there's the sin and then
		

			there's the cause of the sin. And the cause of the sin isn't as simple as Oh, they're following the
footsteps of shaytaan. Or they're, they're mimicking the kuffaar. And that's a hold on. When did
they start drinking? Oh, they started drinking a year ago. Well, what happened a year ago? I don't
know, why don't you know you're a family member, that you don't know what happened a year ago,
people don't just go towards the sins easily shaitan uses some problem in their life or some event
in their life, and takes advantage of that. And then the worst was have become stronger. Right. So
you have to become a little more aware of what's happening in the life of the person you're trying
		

			to help. And instead of the conversation, being about them not praying, or them not following the
religion, maybe the conversation would be more about helping them heal from what happened. And
because that's the root problem. And if they see you, as someone who's just trying to preach to them
and convert them to a better Muslim or something, that you don't really care about them, you just
want to make sure they follow what you want them to follow. So they don't see you as someone who
means well for them, they see you as someone who's trying to be controlling and kind of righteous,
self righteous, because you're better and they're they're worse so they're trying you're trying to
		

			make them you know better. So you're coming looking at looking down at them. But actually, you know,
the notion in the Quran familia team our that Falletta Karwan Messiah Illa forgotten her. Right so
the orphan that the the one who asks, don't talk down to them, somebody's in pain, somebody who's
drinking alcohol is in pain. They're trying to drown away from their pain of something. What is that
thing? And you have to find some creative ways to get there. You'll young radio I won't mention
names here, of course. So you came up to me and said how do I how do I talk to
		

			My dad he doesn't he's the he stopped praying or this or that. Well, maybe we should ask. Are you
old? Dad? What was it like when you were a kid?
		

			What was it like? Like, did you did you get to trouble a mom or dad a lot?
		

			And if your dad might say, What are you trying to do? You're trying to convert me? Like no, no, I'm
just curious what was what was grandpa? Like? What was your life like? A lot of times our parents or
these family members, nobody's shown interest in who they were, or who they are or some of their
most precious memories. You know, what maybe the first the first barrier that you break with someone
is empathy, like you actually are interested in them, not their behavior them, you care about them.
And you know what that quality is called? That's called Rafa. Rafa, and the name a person who has
that quality is called a woof woof and that's one of the names of the prophets of Allah how to use
		

			an anvil mini Nara often Rahim, if you want to be a wolf to someone, as one of the qualities of the
prophets lie to them, but we should actually be a little more empathetic. And then instead of just
going straight for the kill, why don't you pray.
		

			There is a lot more that's going on in somebody's life that led them to not pray. So let's be a
little more sensitive towards that. I hope you guys enjoyed that video clip. My team and I have been
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