Nouman Ali Khan – Being Good To Our Parents Ep 6 – Hikmah in the Quran Dhul Hijjah Series

			If you say I just want to spend all my time with my parents, but right now I'm paying for their
medical fees. I'm gonna quit my job and go massage my mom's feet. You can massage her feet, but now
the doctor can come in because you ain't got money to pay the doctor. But good luck massaging her
feet. No, no, this is what Islam wants. No, you lack basic intelligence. You lack even the most
fundamental level of hikma you understand.
		

			This new short series is based on the findings of Dr. Zakir Hussain in his PhD thesis, wisdom in the
Quran, which was summarized and presented by iostat doorman in front of a live audience, the link to
the full paper is in the description.
		

			First one is be the best you can possibly be to your parents,
		

			that even if they become old, they may have no one and that will keep or even if they get really
old, one of them or both of them. Don't complain to them. And speak to and speak to them. And don't
be harsh with them when you speak to them. Don't get frustrated and raise your voice with them. Mom.
		

			Baba just enough, okay, enough.
		

			God the same thing every time. Some of your dads right. They have like four or five stories, they
tell it every minute.
		

			And everywhere they go, they tell the same story. Same exact one.
		

			And you know, it begins the same way every time. And you're sitting there having a normal
conversation. Your dad steps in and says, you know,
		

			in bobble bowl, and you're like, oh, and your mom was like
		

			or you look down in your phone and you get agitated. We get our parents get on our nerves. They get
annoying. Why does he do that every time? What does mom do that? What is dad do that? And then what
when parents get older they get more snot here in Manchester. The parents are amazing. This is this
is about this is about Bradford
		

			everything
		

			so they're these parents, man. They get some they get mean they get easily angry. These are yelling
and screaming for no reason. They're so stubborn. They don't want to hear anything my way or the
highway constantly guilting and this is just so there's so much wrong with the parents and then you
will seek guidance from Tik Tok and you find out your parents are toxic narcissist.
		

			Nuclear,
		

			radioactive, you know?
		

			Oh my god. Okay, let me see the signs of a narcissist. Baba John Baba, John Baba, John Baba John,
but
		

			let me see then the signs of a of a toxic person. My entire handle on is toxic.
		

			And then the, the, you know, the Lokmanya of the TIC tock world will tell you, you have to get away
from toxic people. You have to set boundaries for toxic people. And you're likely to say, I'm ready.
		

			So you come back and you're like, you know what, Mom, I'm setting a boundary, a chat boundary
		

			that I'm not gonna do honey and laundry.
		

			And then you find the imam or you find you do try to DM with the bank or something? Or you're trying
to
		

			to have a question. My parents are really toxic. And they're really like, what should I do? Now
Jokes aside, some parents are really messed up. It's a fact. That's a fact. But the Quran did
something here that I want you to this is what this is one of the most important things for today's
discussion. What are the most important and everything else we study is going to fit with this. I
want you to know something I was going to mention it later but I'm going to mention it now. I want
you to know the difference between law and wisdom. I'll say those two words again, what two words
law and wisdom okay. Let me give you easy examples of the law.
		

			Five times prayer is what is law? How do you if you can afford it as what law or fasting if you have
the health as what law firm These are laws? These are laws Okay? Stopping at a red light when you're
driving is what at my son wisdom is law.
		

			It's law. When it says do not enter at the at the airport and it says secure personnel only not
going and not going there is you're abiding by what the law the law is very clear. It's black and
white. Either you broke it or you didn't.
		

			As black and white. It's like man
		

			Okay, you can prove if you broke it and you prove if you didn't break it. Now, let's go through some
of these do the best you can with your parents. That's what Quran says, Do the best you can with
your parents.
		

			Can you judge that immediately?
		

			Can the best you do with your parents be different from the best someone else does with their
parents could not be different. It could be right. The prayers are five for you. And the prayers are
five for them. The law is the same. But doing the best with your parents. Some people I had a friend
whose mother was so problematic, she was so psychologically abusive that he developed seizures, like
he would be in the presence of his mother, and he will start having epileptic seizures like literal
seizures, you know, and he was, like, medically advised to keep a distance from his mom.
		

			And the best he can do for his mom is to stay away from her.
		

			He asked me, I told him, the best you can do for now is stay away from her. Because when she starts
abusing you in this way, it's not just that she's hurting you. The angels are documenting this
against who? Her you're saving her from herself.
		

			That's the best he can do. And some other cases, there's a mom who got sick, she's paralyzed, she
can't do anything. And I need to go help. I need to help. The son needs to go help the daughter
needs to get out, go out and do whatever they can. And but they have a job and they have kids and
they have other responsibilities. So they make whatever time they can to go. And the mom says this
is not enough. I need you here the whole time. And she says I can't because if I do this the whole
time, then I'm not going to be able to pay the rent, I'm not going to be able to provide for my
kids, or pay for your care, or even take care of you. This is the best that I can do. You know what
		

			she's doing? She's living by the IRA and somebody else who has free time, they have money, they have
resources, and they're able to give 10 times more time to their family. So what happened some of
you, you have your parents back in some other country. You have your parents in Bangladesh, you have
your parents in Pakistan, your parents in India have a lot of Stein of money Darwinian got him when
he Austin, okay, total Austin. Okay. Governments on him. Okay? My practice gandharan. Okay. Okay.
Anyway. So the thing is, you have parents back home, and you have multiple siblings, one of one of
the brothers stays back home, back even back in Pakistan. And some of the brothers he got into a PhD
		

			program he's studying at Oxford, one of the sisters, she got married, she lives in Australia, one
went this way, one went this way, one went this way, right. And they're there. They're studying,
they're working to have a family to take care of all of that. And they're sending money back, and
they're providing and all of that, and the brother who's at home, right? He says, All you people go
have all the fun, and I have to be over here, you should be here to you should quit your job, you
should do this, you should do that. And now you're like, maybe I should leave everything. And maybe
I should go back because my parents deserve more, I should quit my job, I should quit my university,
		

			I should quit everything because my parents deserve that I should just leave everything and go back
to them. Right? And the parents themselves are saying, I want you to say I don't need you here. But
the other siblings are guilting you.
		

			They're guilting you and they're saying you're not doing your best. You're not doing your best, you
know, in these kinds of situations, you know what we've done? We are we're a culture that has
internalized guilt. So you're always assuming you're doing something wrong. Always.
		

			You know, the Quran says I'll give you just one quick example. Why Allah humma nah, humma Allah
Maria Townville Fatima Sharon, is an Ayah from Allah, that Allah allowed people to put their
children on ships so that they are seen you're seen Sharif Pakistanis as easily Allah, Allah, one of
Allah signs is that he allowed people to put their children on what ships back in the day when you
put your son on a ship, because you're gonna come back next weekend.
		

			Once you get to come back, never, he's gonna go find a new island or a new continent and start a
farm there and start trading there, and maybe come back in three or four or five years, and nobody's
guilting him that I'm abandoning my parents.
		

			Nobody's doing that.
		

			That's a no Quran. It's an IO from Allah. And this is actually a NEMA from Allah. Allah says it's
one of my art that they get to put their kids on board ships.
		

			You know what happens? We make it sound make it sound like spending every second you have with your
mom and dad is a law.
		

			It's not a law. It's what
		

			wisdom and wisdom is different from law. Because wisdom depends on the situation.
		

			Your situation is different. The best you can do is different. Somebody else has a different
situation.
		

			The best they can do is different. You understand? If you say I just want to spend all my time with
my parents, but right now I'm paying for their medical fees. I'm gonna quit my job and go massage my
mom's feet. You can massage her feet, but now the doctor can come in because you ain't got money to
pay the doctor. But good luck massaging her feet. No, no, this is what Islam wants. No, you lack
basic intelligence. You lack even the most fundamental level of hikma, you understand. So this is
these past this passage. First of all, worship God do the best you can do with your parents. Then he
says well, it they'll Corbacho give the close relatives what they deserve to give the close
		

			relatives what they deserve some of your luck, I know what they deserve.
		

			I'll do that today. I've been thinking about that for a while.
		

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